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THE ABBEVILLE PRESS & BANNER. i / t t ' ' ' "*'-r ? BY HUGH WILSON. ABBEVILLE, S. C., WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1876. VOLUME XXIV.--NO. 33. The Miner's Story. I raarriod Barb'ry out'n the city, you see, She wu far too niee a lass for the like o' me, I did my conrtin' in brave, fine clothes, my beat; I didn't toll her 'at I was a miner lad, like the rest. Not that she thonght me a gentleman's bod, of course, I'd never go there, riding, with gig or horse, Bat I comehovr k?pt and?r my workin' ways and talk. And I'd never notice the ooaimon lads in my walk. r'r'aps I let on that I had a farm at the least. For I could talk knowin' 'bout any barnyard beast, And bees, an' the like, an' crops of barley an' rye, Aud of seeds an' roots, 's if I had oome there to buy. Rhe was a delicate, party, ladylike little thing, j With a cheek like the blush on a rose; there's a shiuin' ring Of htr yellow hair, in my Bible; I keep it so, 1 'Canco it kinder draws me to read the good Book, yon know. 80 I m?rried Barbary?she went home wi' me the same lay; 1 took her to my old mothor, an' what'd the good soul say t "fche's not fit for yon, son, a rough miner wants strength in a wife I thought I sh'd sink in the ground?'twas the kin 0' my life. I didn't dare to look in the poor little qolrerin' face; "It's the deceiving I mind, dear, 'tian't the work, or the place Them's jost her words, and I wanted to di? in my shame; " lou got me with lyingher look meant exactly the same. Bo I d.d; and it made mo ugly as time went along; For I fanckd that Barbary always remembeied the wrong, So't if she was pale, I'd tease her 'most out of her life, And tell her she ought to be stronger, be?p* a miner's wife. And once when my temper was up, I cursed h?r hard to her face: She fell at my feet, bo white and soared! 'twas a burn in' disgrace; And then came the awfulest boor a man can ever eoo, Atid a little morsel of new born life, laid on ray knee. Well, p'r'aps one like me'll never eee the angels or Bnch, If the Lord kept her from me I shouldn't blame Him much. I wasn't fit settin' for a di'mond, precious as that?Ton're lookin', I see, at the piece o' crape on my hat Lost both, sir; it's all right, I'm not th? man to complain. They'io where the glory and beauty is; I'm loft alone with the pun; But I'm flghtin' my cursed temper, fichtin ^ ? both day and night, And I'll conquer it, if I die?it's all right, sir; all right. * ?Mary A. Deniton, in Scribiw't. GOING TO SCHOOL. A STORY BY CAPT. MARRY ATT, * Have you any idea of putting that boy to school, Mr. Easy ?" asked Dr. Middleton of eccentrio old Nicodemus Easy, the father of Jack Easy. Mr. Easy crossed his legs, and clasped his hands together over his knees, an he a'ways did when he was about to oommence an argument. "Thegrat objection that I havo of sending a boy to school, Dr. Middleton, is, that I c?ieeive that the discipline enforced is not only contrary to the rights of man, but also in opposition to all ponnd sense and common judgment. Not couteut with pnuibhment, which is in itself erroneous, and an infringement of social justice, they even degrado the minds of the boys still more by apply ing punishment to the most degraded part, adding contumely to tyranuy. Of oourse, it is intended that a boy who is sent to school should gain by precept and example ; but is he to learn benevolence by the angry look and the flourish of the vindictive birch?or forbearence by the cruelty of the ushers?or patience, when the masters over him are out of all patience?of modesty, when his nether parts are exposed to general examination? Is he not daily reading a lessor, at variance with that equality which we all possess, but of which we are unjustly deprived f Why should there bo a di tinction between the flogger and floggee f Are they not both fashion* d alike after Qod's image, en y dow??d with the sirae reason, having an ^ equal right to what the world offers, and woich wa? intended by Providence to be ii_ ? r? fcjuuiij' ui? triuui/^u v i.t it/ iiuu tunu mo ?acrcd inheritance of all, which has tyrannously and impiously l>eeu ravished from tin many for the benefit of the few, and which ravishment, from long custom of iniquity and inculcation of false precep's, has too long been basely sub mitted to ? Is it notthe duty of a father to preserve his only son from imbibing these dangerous and debasing errors, whiih will render him only one of the vile herd who are content o suffer, pro vided that tb.>ylive? And yet are not ( th?*ae very er/ora inculcated at school, and impressed upon their minds inversely by the birch T Do not they receive their first lesson :n slavery with the first lesson in A R (': and are not their minds thereby piostrated, so as nevor to rise again, but ever to bow to despotism, to cringe to rank, to think find art by the precepts of others, and to tacitly disavow that sacred equality which is our birthright f No, Hir, without they can teach without resorting to such a fundamental error as flogging, my boy shall never go to school." And Mr. Easy threw himself back in his chair, imagining, like all philoso phers, that he had said something very clever. Dr. Middleton knew his man, and therefore patiently waited until he had exhausted his oratory. 41 will grant," said the doctor, at last, " thrvt all you sav may have great truth in it ; but, MfrfE ?y, do you not think that by not permitting a boy to bo educated, ycu allow him to remain open to that very error of which you speak ? It is only education which will conquer prejudice, and enable a man to break through the trammels of custom. Now, allowing that the birch is used, yet it is period when the young mind is so el ?ptio as to soon become 'indifferent; and after he has attained the usual rudiment* of education, you will then find him prepared to receive those lessons whi<*h yf?u cau yourself instill." ??1 will teach him evervthinc mviwlf " replied Mr. E-iHy, folding bis arms conFeqnentially and determinedly. ' I do not doubt your capability, Mr. Ef?y; bat unfortunately you will always have a difficulty which you never can get over. Excuse me, I know what you are capable of, aud the boy would, indeed, be happy with such a preceptor, but?if I must speak plain?you must be aware as wt-ll as I am that the maternal fondness of Mre, Easy will always be a bar to your intention. Hp is already bo | spoiled by her, that he will not obey ; j and without obedience you cannot in> culcate." j "I ffrant, my dear sir, that there : is a difficulty on that point; but maternal ; weakness must then be overoome by I paternal severity." "May I ask how, Mr. Easy? for it j appears to be impossible." | " Impossible I By heavons! I'll make him obey, or I'll"? Here Mr. Easy 1 stopped before the word flog was fairly out of his mouth?" I'll know the reason why, Dr. Middleton." Dr. Middleton checked his inclination to laugh, and replied : " That you would hit upon some schema, by which you would obtain the necessary power over him, I have no doubt; but what will be the consequence? The boy will consider his mother as a protector, and vnn as a tyrant. He will have an aver sion to yon, and with that aversion he will never pay respect and attention to your valuable precepts when he arrives at an age to understand them. Now it appears to me that this difficulty whioh you have raised may be got over. I know a very worthy clergyman who does not use the birch ; but I will write, put the direct question to him, and then if your boy is removed from the danger arising from Mrs. Easy's over-indulgence, in a short time he will be ready for your more important tuition." " I think," replied Mr. Easy, after a pause, "that what yon say merits consideration. I acknowledge that in consequence of Mrs. Easy's nonsensical indulgence, the boy is unruly, and will not obey me at present; and if your friend does not apply the rod, I will think seriously of sending my son John to him to learn the elements." The doctor had gained his point by flatterinc the ohilosouher. In a day he returned with a letter 1 from the pedagogue in answer tcr one supposed to be sent to him, in which the use of the birch was indignantly disclaimed, and Mr. Easy announced to his wife, when they met that day at teatime his intentions with regard to his son John. "To school, Mr. Easyf what, send Johnny to school! a mere infant to school!" " Surely, my dear, you must be aware that at Dine years it is high time that he learned to read." " Why, he almost reads already, Mr. Easy; surely I can teach him that. Does he not, Sarah?" " Lord bless him, yes, ma'amj he was saying his letters yesterday." "Oh, Mr. Easy, what can have put ; this in your head ? Johnny, dear, come ' * ' " a. 1 1.11 a 0 nere?leu me now wnau b me itsiwjr n. t Ton were singing it in the garden this morning." " I want some sugar," replied Johnny, stretching his arm over the table to the sugar basin, which waa out of his reach. " Well, my love, you shall have a great lump if you will tell me what's the letter A." "A was anaroher, and shot at a frog," replied Johnny, in a surly tone. " There now, Mr. Easv; and he can go through the whole alphabet?can't he, Sarah ?" " That he can, the dear?can't you, Johnny dear ?" "No," replied Johnny. " lea, you can, my love ; you know what's the letter B. Now, don't you ?" J " Yes," replied Johnny. " There, Mr. Easy, you see what tho boy knows, and how obedient tie is, too. Oome, Johnny dear, tell us what was B ?" "No, I won't," replied Johnny, "3 want some more sugar and Johnny, who had olimbelon a chair, spread himself over the table to reach it. "Mercy! Sarah, pull him off?he'll upset the urn," screamed Mrs. E*sy. Sarah caught hold of Johnny by the loins to pull mm cacK, dui> uonnny, re- i sisting the interference, turned round ! on his back as he lay on the table, and I kicked Sarah in the face, jubt as she i made another desperate grasp at him. The rebound from the kick, given as he | lay on a smooth mahogany fable,brought Johnny's head in contact with the urn, which was upset in the opposite direction, and notwithstanding a rapid movement on the part of Mr. E*?y, he received a sufficient portion of boiling liquid on his legs to scald him severely, and induce him to stamp and swear in a very unphilosophical way. In the meantime Sarah and Mrs. Easy had caught up Johnny, and were both holding him at the same time, exclaiming and lamenting. The pain of the scald, and the indifference shown toward him, were too much for Mr. Easy's temper to put up with. He snatched Johnny out of their arms, and quite forgetting his equality and rights of man, belabored him without mercy. Sarah flow in to interfere, and received a blow which not only made her see a thousand stars, but sent her reeling to the floor. Mrs. Easy went off into hysterics, and Johnny howled so as to be heard at a quarter of a mile. flow long Mr. Eisy would have continued it is impossible to pay; but the door opened, and Mr. Easy looked up while still administering Ihe punishment, an.l* percoived Dr. Middleton in mute astonishment. Ho had promised to come in to tea, and enforce Mr. Eisy's arguments, if it were necessary ; but it certainly appeared to him that, in the argument wtiich Mr. Easy was then enforcing, lie required no assist ance. However, at the entrance of Dr. Middle tou, Johnny was dropped, and lay roaring on the floor ; S.irah, too. remained where t-ho hud been floored, Mrs. E isy had rolled to the floor, the urn was also on the floor, and Mr. Easy, although not floored, h:ul not a leg to stand upon. Nev<r did a medi al mnn look in moro opportunely. Mr. Eisy at first was not oertiiihly ol that opinion ; but his legs became 1*0 painful that he soon been mo a convert. Mr. Mid die ton, &s in duty bound, first picked up Mrs. Easy and laid her on the sofa. Sarah rose, picked up Johnny, and carried him kicking and roaring out of the room ; in return for which attention she received sundry bites. The footman, who had announced the doctor, picked np the urn, that being all that was in his department. Mr. E*sy threw himself panting and in agony on the other sofa, and Dr. Middleton was excessively embarrassed bow to act; he perceived that Mr. Easy required his assistance, and that Mrs. Eisy could do without it ; but how to leave a lady who was half really ami half piet^udedly in hysterics, was difficult: fbr if he attempted to leave | her, she kicked and flounced, and burst j out the more. At last Dr. Middleton j rnncr tlm Trliinli hrrwiaht tlltt foot AUU5 v"v' - -o?" *- ^ man, who summoned all the maids, who carried Mrs. Easy up stairs, and th<*n the doctor was able to attend to the only patient who really required his assistance. Mr. Easy explained the affiirin few words, broken into ejaculations from pain, aR the doctor removed his stockings. From the applic.itions of Dr. Middleton, Mr. Easy soon obtained bodily relief; but what aiinoyed him still more than his scalded legs was the doctor having been a witness to his infringement of the equality aud rights of man. Dr. Middleton perceived this, and he knew also how to pour balm into that woind. " My dear Mr. E isy, I am very sorry th*t you bavo had this accident, for which yo^are indebted to Mrs. Easy's foolish inaulgtnoe of the boy ; but I am glad to perceive that you have taken up those parental duties which are inculcated by the Scriptures. Solomon says, ' that he who spares the. rod, spoils the ohild,' thereby implying that it is the duty of a father to correct his children, and in a father, the so doing does not interfere with the rights of man, or any natural equality, for the son being a part or portion of the father, he is only correcting his own self; and the proof of it is, that a father, in punishing his own son, feels as much pain in so doing as if he were himself punished. It is, therefore, nothing but self-discipline, whioh is striotly enjoined us by the Soriptures." "That is exactly my opinion," replied Mr. Easy, oomforted at the doctor having so logically got him out of the 6crape. " But?lie snail go to sonooi tomorrow, that I'm determined on." " He will have to thank Mrs. Easy for that," replied the do?tor. " Exactly," replied Mr. Easy. " Doctor, my legs are getting very hot again." "Continue to bathe them with the vinegar and wj,ter, Mr. Easy, until I send you an mbrocation, which will give you immediate relief. I will call to-morrow. By-the-bye, i am to see a little patient at Mr. Bonnycastle's; if it is any accommodation, I will take your son with me." "It will be a great accommodation, doctor," replied Mr. Easy. " Then, my dear sir, I will just go up and see how Mrs. Easy is, and to-morrow I will call at ten. I can wait an hour. Good night." " Good night, doctor." The doctor had his game to play with Mrs. Easy. He magnified her husband's aocident?he magnified his wrath, and advised her by no means to say one word until he was well and more pacified. The next day he repeated this dose, and, in spite of the ejaculations of Sarah, and the tears of Mrs. Easy, who dared not venture to plead her cause, and the violent resistance of Master Johnny, who appeared to have a presentiment of what was to oome, our hero was put into Dr. Middleton's chariot, and with the exception of one plate of glass, which he kicked out of the window with his feet, arid for which feat the doctor, now that he had him all to himself, boxed hie ears till he was nearly blind, he was, without any further even tful oocurreuce, carried by the doctor's footman into the parlor of Mr. Bonnycastle. * * * ? Master Jaok had been plumped down in a chair by the doctor's servant, who, as he quitted him, first looked at his own hands, from which the blood was drawn in several places, and then at Master Jack, with his teeth closed and lips compressed, as muoh as to say : "If I only dared, would not I, that's all r' and then walked out of the room, repaired to the carriage at the front door, when he showed his hands to the coachman, who looked down from his box in | great commiseration, at the same time | sharing his fellow servant's indignation. But we must repair to the parlor. Dr. Middleton ran over a newspaper, while Johnny sat on the chair all of a heap, looking like a lump of sulks, with his feet on the upper front bar and hi* knees almost up to his nose. He was a promisi ing pupil, Jack. Mr. Bonnycastle made his appearance ?a tall, well built, handsome, fair man, with a fine powdered head, dressed in solemn black, and knee buckles; his linen beautifully clean, and with a peculiar bland expression of countenance. When he smiled he showed a row of teeth white as ivory, and his mild blue eye was the ne plus ultra of beneficence. He was tho beau-ideal of a preceptor, and it was impossible to see him and hear his mild pleasing voice, without wisning man an your bods were uuuer his protection. He was a ripe scholar, and a good one, and at the time we speak i had the care of upward of one hundred boys. He was celebrated for turning them out well, and many of his pupils were rising fast in the senate, an well as distinguishing themselves in the higher professions. Dr. Middlet-on, who was on intimate term? with Bonnycastle, rose as he entered the room, and they shooic bands. Middleton then turned to where Jack sat, and, pointing to him, said : " Look there." Bonnycastle smiled. "I cannot say that I have had worse, but I have almost as bad. I will apply the Promethean torch, and soon vivify that rude mass Come, sit down, Middleton." "But," said the doctor, as ho resumed his chair, " tell me, lsonnycastle, now yoa will possibly manage to lick such a cub iuto Bliape when you do not resort to flogging?" " 1 have no opinion of flogging, and therefore I do not resort to it. The fact is, I was at Harrow myBelf, and was rather a pickle. I was called np as often as most boj8 in school, and I perfectly recollect that eventually I cared nothing for a floggiug. I had become case hardened. It is the least effective part you can touch a boy upon. It leaves nothing behind to refresh their memory." "I should hnV6 thought otherwise." " My dear Middleton, I can produce more effect by one caning than twenty floggings. Observe, you flog upon J part for tin most part quiescent; but you cane upon all parts, from the head to the heels. Now, when once the flrtt sting of the birch , is over, then a dull sensation comes over the part, and the pain after that *3 nothing;" whereas a good sound tuning leaves sores and bruises in every part, and on all the parts which are required for muscular action. After a flogging a boy may run out in the hour of recreation and join his playmates as well as ever, but a good caning tells a ciiilerent tale; no cannot move one part of his body without being reminded for days by tho pain of the pnui.shmeiit he has undergone, and he is very cartful how he is called np again.'' " My dear sir, I really had an idea that yon were exces ively lenient," re plied Mi.ldleton, laughing; " I am glad that I am under a mistake." 14 Look at that cub, doctor, sitting there more like a brute than a reasonable being; do yon imagine I could ever lick it into sliape without strong measures ? At the same time allow me to say that I consider my system by far the best. At the public schools, punishment is no check; it is so trifling that it is derided; with me pnnishment is punishment in the true sense of the word, and the consequence is, that it is much more seldom resorted to." "You are a terrorist, Bonnycastfe." " The two strongest impulses in onr nature are fear and love. In theory, acting upon tho latter is very beautiful; but iu practice I never found it to answer?and for the best of reasons, onr self-love is stronger than onr love for others. Now, I never yet found fear to fail, for tho very same reason that tbe other does, because with fear we act upon self love and nothing else." "And yet we have many now who would introduce a system of schooling TOi'fhnnt correction, and who maintain that the present system is degrading." " There are a great many fools in this world, doctor." " That reminds me of this boy's father, "replied Dr. Middleton; who then detailed to the pedagogue the idiosyncrasy of Mr. Easy, anil all the oiroumatances attending Jack being sent to hii school. "There is no time to be lost Ihtn, doctor. I must conquer thin young gentleman before his parents call to Bee him. Depend npon it, in a week I will have him obedient and well broke in." Dr. Middleton wished Jack good-bye, and told him to be a good boy. Jack did not vouohsafe to answer. Never mind, doctor, he will be more polished next time yon call here, depend npon it." And the doctor departed. Although Mr. Bonnycantlewas severe, he was very judicious. Misohief of all kinds was visited but by slender punishment, suoh as being kept in at play hours, eto., and he seldom interfered with the boys for fighting, although he checked deoided oppression. The great sine qua non with him was attention to their studies. He soon discovered the capabilities of his pupils, and he foroed them accordingly; but the idle boy, the bird who "could sing and wouldn't sing," received no mercy. The oonsequence was, that he turned out the cleverest boys, and his conduct was so unij form and unvarying in its tenor, that if he was feared wnen they were under his I oontrol; he was invariably liked by those whom he had instructed, and they continued his friends in after life. Mr. Bonnycastle atonoeperoeivedthat it was no use coaxing our hero, and that fear was the only attribute by whioh he oould be controlled. Bo as soon as Dr. Middleton had quitted the room, he addressed him in a commanding tone: "Now, boy, what is your name ? Jack started; he looked up at his master, perceived his eye fixed upon him, and a countenance not to be played with. Jack was no fool, and somehow or another the discipline he hadreoeived from his father had given him some intimation of what was to come. All this put together induced Jack to oondesoend to answer, with his forefinger between his teeth: "Johnny." " And what is your other name, sirf" "Jaok, who appeared to repent hie oondesoension, did not at first answer, but he looked again in Mr. Bonnycastle's face, and then round the room; there was no one to help him, and he could not help himself, so he replied : "Easy." " jl/o you mow wuy yuu uio twui w aabool?" " Scalding father." "No; you are sent to learn to road and write." " But I won't read and write," replied Jaclr, sulkily. "Yes, you will; and you are going to read your letters now directly." Jack made no answer. Mr. Bonnycastle opened a sort of bookcase, and displayed to John's astonished view a series of canes, ranged up and down like billiard ones, and continued ; "Do you know what those are for!" Jack eyed them wistfully; he had some faint idea that he was sure to be better acquainted with them, but he maue iiu tuiuwcr. " They are to t?aoh little boys to read and write, and now I am goiDg to teach you. You'll soon learn. Look now here," oontinued Mr. Bonnycastle, opening a book with largo type, and taking a capital at the head of a chapter, abont half an inch long. " 9o you see tint letter ?" " Yes," said Johnny, turning his eyes away, and picking his fingers. " Well, that is the letter B. Do you see it ? look at it, so that you may know it again. That's the letter B. Now tell me what letter that is." Jaok now determined to resist, so he made no answer. " So you cannot tell; well, then, we will try what one of these little fellows will do," f^aid Mr. Bonnycastle, taking down a cane. " Observe, Johnny, that's the letter B. Now, what letter is that! Answer me directly." "I won't learn to read and write." Whack oame the cane on Johnny's shoulders, who bnrst out into a roar as he wriched with pain. Mr. Bonnycastle waited a few seconds. " That's the letter B. Now tell me, sir, directly, what that letter is ?" " I'll tell my mar." Whaok. "Oh, law 1 Oh, law 1" " What letter is that ?" Johnny, with hig mouth open, panting, and the tears on hid cheeks, ao swered indignantly : " Stop till I tell Sarah." Whack came the cane again, and a fresh burst from Johnny. " What letter's that ?" " I won't tell," roared Johnny. " I won't tell?that I won't. Whack?whack?whack, and a pause. " I told you before that's the letter B. What letter is that ? Tell me directly." Johnny, by way of reply, made a snatch at the cane. Whack?he caught it, certainly, but not exactly as he would 1 ?*?4U -n ii't JlttVt) Wiaucu. O UUUlijr ULICU OM?wu\,u u(i the book, and dashed it to the corner of the room. Whack, whack. Johnny attempted to seize Mr. Bonnycastle with histee'h. Whack,whack, whack, whack; and Johnny fell on the carpet and roared with pain. Mr. Bonnycastle then loft him for a little while, to reooverhimself, and aat down. At last Johnny's exclamation settled down in deep sobs, and then Mr. Bonnycastle said" to him : "Now, Johnny, yon perceive that yon mnst do as you are bid, or else you will have more beating. Get up immediately. Do you hear, sir ?" Somehow or other, Johnny, without intending it, stood upon his feet. " That's a good boy ; now you see, by getting up as yon were bid, yon havo not been beaten. New, Johnny, you must go and bring tho book from where you threw it down. Do you hear, sir I Bring it dirrctly I" Johnny looked at Mr. Bonnycaetlo and tho caue. With every intention to refuse, Johnny picked up the book and laid it on the tablo. " That's a good boy ; not wo will find the letter B. Hero it is ; now, Johnny, toll me what that letter is f" Johnny made no answer. "Tell me directly, sir,"said Mr. Bounvreistln. vflisinc his ram tin in the air. The appeal was tco powerful. Johnny eyed the cane ; it movi>d, it was coming. Breathlessly he shrieked out: " Bl" "Very well indeed, Johnny?very well. Now yonr first lesson is over, and you shali go to bed. You hav? learned more than you think for. Tomorrow w6 will begin again. Now wo'11 ! put the cane by." Mr. Bonnycastle rang the bell, and desired Master Johnny to be put to bed, | in a rooqjby himself, an-"not to give him | any supper, as hunger would the next 1 morning much facilitate his studies. Pain and hunger alone will tame brutes, . and the same remedy must be applied to ; conquer those passions in mr>n which as- ' similate him with brutes. Johnny was 1 , conducted to bed, although it was but I , six o'clock. Ho was not only in pain ! j but his ideas were confused ; and no ! wonder, after all his life having been humored and indulged?never punished until tho day before. After all the ! caresses of his mother and Sarah, which ] he never knew thevalue of?after stuffing himself all day long, and being tempted j to eat till he turned away in satiety, to find himself without his mother, without ; Sarah, without supper?covered with J wales, and, what was worse than aJl, . without his own way. No wonder John* ujr wiw uuuiuswu ; at tu? burne time uriu he was subdued ; and, as Mr. Bonny castle had truly told him, he had learned more than ho had any idea of. And ! what would Mre. Easy hive said, iiad i she known all this?and Sarah too? < And Mr. Easy, with his rights of man! i At the very time that Johnny wa^ flav- ] ing the evil driven out oi him, they were consoling themselves with the idea that, at all events, there wa3 no biroh used at Mr. Bonuycastle's, quite losing sight of the faot that as there are more ways of killing a dog besides hanging him, so are there more ways of teaching than a posteriori. Happy in their ignoranoe, they all went fast asleep, little dreaming that Johnny was already so far advanced in knowledge as to have a tolerable comprehension of the mystery of the cane. As for Jbhnny, he had cried himself to Bleep, at least six hours before them. Tbe next morning Master Jack Easy was not only very sore but very hungry, and as Mr. Bonnycastle informed him that he would not only have plenty of cane, but alBO no breakfast, if he did not learn his letters, Johnny had wisdom enongh to say the whole alphabet, for whioh he reoeived a great deal of praise, the whioh, if he did not duly appreciate, he at all events infinitely preferred to beating. Mr. Bonnycastle perceived that he had conquered the boy by one hoar's well-timed severity. He therefore handed him over to the ushers in the school, and as they were equally empowered to administer the neaiful impulse, Johnny very soon became a very tractable boy. The Grasshoppers In Minnesota. A short trip through Nicollet, Sibley, and a part of Brown counties has convinced me, says a correspondent, that the grasshopper question is of muoh more eerions importance than onr people suppose. In a drive of thirty miles I did noc see a furrow turned. Vacant houses and deserted farms are not infrequent. Those who remain cannot poneibly hold out much longer. Many of fchem are actually facing starvation. Unless a change soon comes our western countics mnst be depopulated. Th? crisis is reached. The people have strug gled for their Homes ana iarma during the last four years of devastation by this terrible scourge, but they cannot hold ont much loDger. The issue is now positive, simple and well defined. Shall the country be occupied by the people or the grasshoppers f They cannot both inhabit the same oountry much longer. If the greater part of the eggs deposited shall hatch out, there will be grasshoppers enough to devour every green thing in the State of Minnesota next year. The deposit of eggs is probably hundreds of times greater than it has ever been before. If they shall develop into full grown grasshoppers, and remain in the State, the result is fearful tocontemplate. I am satisfied that if a universal raid were made upon them wherever they are, immediately upon tneir uegmning to naicn uut, uiBusber might be averted. Bat action muBt be prompt and in every part of the region infested. I do not believe that men can be driven out by grasshoppers, if a combined effort is made with a determination to win. Now, as to the theory of the eggs being destroyed by the red worm. I investigated this matter, and while it is unquestionably true that the worm in at work, yet at the present rate of destruction it will absolutely amount to nothing at all. For every egg destroyed there will be a thousand left, speaking within bounds at that. So, too, some of the eggs aro rotting, but the decrease from this cause will alone be inflnitessimally small in comparison with the whole numIt is possible that very unfavorable weather in the spring might destroy and prevent the eggs from hatching ont. It is also possible that favorablo winds might drive them away as soon as they are able to fly, but these are contingencies that cannot be taken into acconnt in deciding the question : " Men and brethren, what shall we do to be saved ?" English Co-operative Societies. All co-operative societies, says a writer in Scribner'a, are governed by a committee, consisting of a president, secretary, treasurer, and a fixed number of directors, all of whom must be elected by the member?, and serve in rotation. The president must preside at all meetings of the oommittee, and must sign all the reports of the society. The sec retary and treasurer perform all ,thea duties incident to such offices, and the* treasurer must be under bonds. Eacb and all of these officers may be paid sue! mms for their services as the society may from time to time appoint. The duties of the committee include the gi ieral conduct of the society's busineus, the appointment and payment of alj servants, the purchase of goods, land, buildings, and other property, and the adjustment of all losses and profits, loans, investments, and other financial matters concerning the society. The cou-mittee may also appoint local committees for the government of special branches of the business, or branch stores and workshops. Besides these officers, there are always two or more auditors whose duty it is to examine all reports, books, and accounts of the society as it may from time to time direct. The profits resulting from the business of a co-operative society are usually divided as follows: First, the payment of the agreed interest on the loans or deposits ; secondly, the reduction of the fixed stock or plant of the society ; thirdly, the reduction of the preliminary expense of starting the society if unpaid ; fourthly, the paymont of a dividend on the ordinary share capital of the society ; fifthly, in the creation of a reserve or contingent fund; sixthly, in promoting culture and instruction | among tho members by forming an educational fund; seventhly, contributing to tho general cause of the co-operative movement, or to the social, provident, or other benefit of tho members. Lastly, the surplus, if any, may be divided, first, among all tho members, according to their purchases; secondly, a less sum among non-members who inny havo made purchases at the store ; thirdly, a bonus on tho wagon paid to tho sorvants of the society. lhe Slefe-Room. Tho wall of the sick-room is a pretty important matter to the patient If it is covered with one of those dreadfully variegated papers which, alasl are regarded as ornamental, it will be found, especially if the patient is suffering from any disease in which there is abnormal exaltation of the brain, that it is a source of great annoyance, and may even be possibly injurious. For as his eyee run over these pictures he will fancy he 9ce8 images of various kinds, Bnch ^ angels and demons, alternating; indeed, those figures will assume every conceivable form, and he beoomes thoroughly worried in the attempt to disentangle the confusion. The paper covering the wall should have a uniform natural tint, Buch as a light green, a delicate buff, or a very delicate el ite color. A light green, perhaps, is as agreeable to the eyes as any color that can be selected, and it rests the eyes with a refreshing monotony. Such a uniform bint tends to "healthy stupidity," and thus leads to repose. A Suggest!?!. The House murder trial suggests one lesson Co married coupies 10 wnicn we draw their attention. It is dangerous to domestic peace, as well as the life of each, for both husband and wife to keep bnixl)' loaded rovolvers} especially when onnubial jars are frequent. THE WAR PANIC IN EUROPE. No Proapecta of it Oenernl War-?Tta? Indira. A war panic has certainly begun in the European exchange markets, and the publio mind, especially in England, is alarmed and aroused. But all this may well be without sufficient reason. A war between Russia and Turkey does not of necessity mean a war in which all Europe would be engaged. One would think from the tone of the journalistic writers in London that a declaration of war between those two powers would be immediately followed by the attack on, and Russian possession of, Constantinople. But the season is late for any warlike operations in the " Balkan peninsula "?winter will soon begin in those bleak monntains. It is doubtful if either Servia or Turkey can move their armies with muoh freedom after the first of November. Then, we all know that the arming and mobilizing of the forces of an extensive conn try cannot be accomplished in a day. To transport a hundred thousand men by railroads, with all their equipments, for thousands of miles, demands time. But, supposing that Bussia is well organized, and can move armies as Prussia moved them against France, and that by the first of January, next year, she ooncentrates a hundred and fifty thousand men on the Danube, we are then only at the opening of a long and slow campaign. Turkey hs# fought this same battle before. She is by no means a contemptible antagonist. She has held her own before this in the countries of the Danube for months against all the power of the czar. The Turks fight well in dofeuse. They have many strong places which they can hold, and difficult lines of defense. There would be no possible chance of any sudden march on' Constantinople. In fact, the war could hardly open before spring. This will relieve Europe from the sud den. embarrassment of a struggle in which Constantinople must be protected. It is true that, according to the ancient notions of British polioy and the believed necessity of keeping the way to India open, Great Britain oould not permit the Turkish capital to be occupied by the Russians. But that ultimate danger is as yet remote. If war does break out, England can wait before being involved in the protection of Constantinople. A fleet and a few oorps of men. can be sent there in the spring as easily as now. A war in defense of Turkey would be now in the last degree unpopular in Great Britain. It is true that the recent movement of Russia is a godsend to the Tory leaders. They can summon Parliament now with unperturbed mind. There is no likelihood of any change of ministry at present. Earl Derby will no doubt act as if the government might be called upon to protect "the gates of the East." This alone will increase the exchange panic. But even a British fleet in the Bosphorus does not, of course, mean an alliance, offensive and defensive, between Great Britain and Turkey. It mav merely mean a warning to the czar. The rumors of an approaching alliance between Russia and Italy seem in the highest degree futile. The Liberals of Italy, it is true, have tho strongest feelings against the oppression of the Tarke npon the Christians, while the followers of the Pope, with,their usual fatuity, support the Mohammedan, though some of the sufferers are Roman Catholics. The government of Italy desires to annex southern Austria or Tyrol. But to obtain these provinces by violence would cost a terrific and expensive struggle, and Italy is poor. It does not seem creditable that she would incur such tremendons risks with such doubtful results. France every one regards as neutral,_and as certain to remain neu tral. The .French press is pjamjy opposed to Russia and in sympathy with Turkey. Germany is, in all probability, in secret alliance with Russia. The family relations of the two emperorsj the political necessity upon Bismarck to Becure an ally on the flank of the empire, in oase of another French war, and the absolute want of interest of Germany in whatever happens on the Danube, together with certain public indications, all make this more than probable. Still, this alliance may mean nothing perilous to the peaoe of Europe. It may merely pledge the German empire not to interfere in tho projects of Russian ambition. The point upon which the whole position of affairs turns, is the probable course of Austria. As we have previously said, we do not believe that the Austrian emperor will be drawn into this new alliance, at least to the extent of war. The press of Vienna of all parties, eohoes the cry : " No war i no occupation I" Suoh a policy would be opposed to all the traditions of the empire. It would be dangerous both within and without. It would recall to Austrian statesmen that joint occupation of Holstein, which ended in Sadowa. It might merely be taking the Russian chestnuts from their own fire. It would be an alliance and occupancy very expensive and very perilous. Still, on the other hand, it must be said that Russia, Germany and Italy may be able to bring an extraordinary pressure to bear upon Austria. They may threaten her Italian, German and Sclavonic provinces. Count Andrassy may think it safer to occupy European Turkey than to inour single handed the hostility of those three powers.?iVcw; York Times. The Death of Tecumseh. The attempt to find tho bones and A. L _ XI i erect a monument 10 me mcmurjr ui iruu noted Indian chief, Tecnmseh, recalls tho story of his death. Proctor, the British commander, fled before the advancing hosts of Harrison, uncovering a Moravian village. Tecnmseh, deeply chagrined at this and devotedly desirous i of protecting the people of his own nation, resolved to hold the Americans in i check long enough to allow the women i and children of the threatened village to ] escape with their movables. Harrison came up and Teoumseh gave him battle. 1 The confliot was long, and, for a time, 1 uncertain. i The voice of Tecnmseh could be dis* i tinctly heard amid the roar of musketry, 1 directing and encouraging his Indians, who placed entire confidence in their i chief,and would ru^h hitherand thither, i anywhere and everywhere, as he would 1 direot. By this time the officers in the ] American army became convinced that they would not succeed, excepting they I silenced that well known voice. The Indians were fiercely engaged in repelliDg I an attack on their right and on iboir ; left, which caused an opening in their i center where Tecumseh stood. Col. i Johnson, of the American army, seeing the opportunity, dashed forward into the opening, mounted on a spleufiid war horse, armed with a carbine and pistols, i Tecumseh was quick to see the move. He was on foot and armed with a richly mounted, short barreled rifle that he i usually carried with him slung by a strap i over his shoulder, and a tomahawk under his belt; he sprung fearlessly forward to meet the advancing horseman. When they came within five or six rods of eaoh other they both fired. Johnson missed his aim; but Teoumseh brought Johnson from his horse. He fell heavily to the ground. Teoumseh sprung forward to dispatch him with his tomahawk; but when he ^ame within ten feet Johnson drew a small pocket pistol and fired. Teoumseh bounded high into the air and fell dead. THE YOUNG PARTNERS. 7 A Story for the Boys. Tip was the older of the two. I can't really say how old he was, and what is more, Tip himself didn't know. Ho. wore a man's coat and a pair of very small trousers, but neither fitted him*' His hat was an old felt affair that he had picked np in a back alley, and his head seemed very much as if it might have been picked np with it. Top was the other partner. It was Top who bought the melon, because he had sold all Ms papers but one, and had an uncommon nandlnl 01 cnange. xne melon was cheap, too, and only a trifle spoiled, so the partners sat down on a stone and ate it. Then Tip wiped his month on his coat sleeve and looked at Top, who had spread his last paper over' his knees, and was slowly spelling out the news. "There's a row somewheres, bnt I can't make out whioh side is liokin'; it's the Turkeys or the <Jther fellers. What be the Turkeys, Tip ?" *' Baseball fellers, I reckon; them kind is great at a scrimmage." " And a freshet carried off a railroad bridge. Tarnado in Dubbs county; blowed all the oata down. Does oats grow on trees, Tip, or bushes ?" " Bushes, and kind o' limber." " ' Tarrible catastrophe.' "What would a catastrophe be, Tip ?" " It's a kind o' jumpin' animal. Don't ye mind the one we seen to the circus f" Top folded up his paper with a sigh. The circus was the beginning of the partnership, when the two boys, curled up together in a crockery crate, had been awakened in the dusk of a May morning by the long train of circus wagons rumbling away into the country. Half asleep, they followed on, keeping pace with the great brown hulk that strode with swaying trunk after the wagons, and glancing half fearfully at the awkward camels that bared their great teeth viciously, as if they would not at all mind making a mouthful of the two little vagabonds. Once a driver noticed thom, and cracked his long whip at them; but they only fell back a few steps. " I say, Tip, let's go on till it stops," whispered Top; and with a nod the bargain was conoluded. It was ten o'olook before the circus stopped, and the boys, footsore and hnngry, hung around the wagons, get ting plentiful kicks and abuse, which was no more than they were acoustomed to at home, but rewarded by a glimpse of the animals as they were fed, and making a rare breakfast on a loaf of bread that a girl in a dirty spangled dress snatched from one of the wagons and tossed to them. Top had risen in the world sinoe then. He had left rag picking and gone into the newspaper business, and eyen picked up a little learning at the night class in the newsboys' home. But he was loyal to his partner, and often shared his good fortune with him. He had a plan now for them botli. " I say* $ip, le's you and me go to farmin'." Tip looked at Top, took off his hat, turned it over as ll Jooiung ior an iaea in it, and then put it on again, and said nothing. "There's a chap comes down to the home told us fellers if yon go out West a bit, the guvment would let ye have a farm free, jest tor living on't. Best kind o' ground, too.. We could raise things !o sell, besides bavin' all the melons and stuff you could swaller every day." "Cm on," said Tip, his mouthwatering at the thought. "Is it fur, out West, do ye reckon?" " A good bit; but I've got some money, and we can walk it easy. Git yer other shirt, an' we'll start to-morrow mornin'." That night Top drew all his money from the deposit at the newsboys' home ?three dollars and sixty-five cents. The first thing he did was to buy two clay pipes and a paper of tobacco. Then he laid in a store of provisions, in the shape of a sheet of stale buns, a triangle of cheese, and a dozen herrings. Tip was on hand promptly, with his other shirt in a wad under his arm, and the two partners started "out West/' " May as well ride ten cents' worth," said Top, paying fare for the two on an omnibus that ran to the city limits. Afterward, they walked on toward the open prairie, breakfasting as they went, and adding to their stores a turnip and a couple of tomatoes that had jolted monlrnf tt7Qr?nn TVfilpfl IIurn DUiUO WI&17U miuavv after miles of market gardens, where women and children were hoeing and weeding and gathering vegetables. They stopped at one house and asked for water, and a woman in a brown stuff petticoat and white short gown offered them some milk in a big yellow bowl, and a piece of black bread. A boy was washing long yellow carrots by the pump. Tip bit one, and liked it. Tip was always hungry. Then they went on, and by-and-bye came to the end of the gardens. There were great stubbly i fields and a stack of yellow straw. They sat down by this stack to rest, and then Top thought of the pipes. The men whom he knew always smoked when , they rested at noon, and so he and Tip tried it. They had tried it before with ends of cigars they had picked up, and | once Top had bought a new oigar, a fif- j teen-center, and smoked it all, though u;?, fnnvfnllir oirtL- Th? ninpfl I l' uiuuu mux iqoiiuuj ?mv??. tf'r? | did not seem to agree with them. Tip i felt particularly uncomfortable,# and wished he had not eaten that carrot. They did not make any rbmarks about it, but presently they put away tho pipes and went to sleep in the sun. When they waked it was sunset and growing chilly. "No use to go any furder to-night," said ^op; and they burrowed into the ; straw and were as snug as two field i mice. i In the morning there were only a > herring and two very dry buns for breakfast; but the partners had seen much smaller rations than that in their day. Thoy asked for water again when they came to a house, but the old lady : who opened the door must have been : deaf. She only shook her head and - " xl L.J I I ahoo-ed tliem away as n mey uuu ucou two stray chickens. Next timo they had better luck. A fat little woman with rosy red chocks gave them a big basket to fill with chips, and when it was fall she brought them each a thick Slice of bread and batter and a great ; puffy brown doughnut. Afterward, they drank at the well out of a sweet taatiDg dipper made of a cocoanut shell, and the woman looked up from the bread she was kneading to nod and smile as they went out of the gate. Next came a long strip of woods, without any houses, and beyond that, open prairie again. "I think this is about tar nougn," Baid Top, sitting down on a log. "I should kind o' like to have our farm nigh to the woman that give us the doughnuts. She's a good one, she is." " Well," said Tip, " seems to be lots of land, and mighty scarce of houses. Let's take it half an' half, woods and perrary." Now that the farm was located, the next thing to be done was to build a house. Never did Western immigrants find things more convenient, for near the roadside lay a pile of rails that had once been a f jnce about a haystack. These they dragged into the woods, and s proceeded to build a hut against tho J trunk of a gr*- i tree. The result was not exactly a palace, but at least it was clean and airy, and they had slept in much worse quarters. They made a bed pf green boughs and spread Tip's othor shirt over it. Everything went well u&il Tip undertook to climb a tree after some wild grapes. A country boy would have known better than to trust the old dead limb from which they dangled; but Tip never suspected thata tree could wear out, until he found himself crashing headlong through the branches to the ground. He lay there so quiet that poor Top might as well have had no partner at all. Top was frightened, but he didn't give it up. He shook Tip and slapped him on the back; he even lighted a pipe and blew tobacoo smoke in his face, all of which remedies he had seen used with suocess, though not upon people' who had fallen out of trees. After a while, Tip begun to breathe again in a jerky fashion, and then he got strength enough to groan dismally. "Isityerhead ?" asked Top, anxiously. " Are ye all right in yer bones ?" " It's me laigs, and me spines is all smashed to flinders," moaned Tip. Top managed to drag his unlucky pai^ner into the hut; but the bed was anything bat luxurious, and Tip was no hero to suffer in silence. "Is it as bad as awhalin'f" asked Top, meaning to be sympathizing. " Wubs," groaned Tip ; but, after all, the suggestion had some comfort in it. " Tip," said his partner, presently, " be ye sorry yo come out West?" " No, not if I die," moaned Tip. " I seen a feller die onoet, fallin* down a elevator." Tip tried to get up, but fell back with fresh howls. "Don't you give up the farm, Top; and you can have all my clothes and my other shirt." Top would have cried if he had known how, but just then a man ooming down the wood road stopped a moment to look and listen, and then strode up to tho queer little hut, saying : " What in ore-a-tion"? "He's hurfc" said Top, briefly nodding his head at his partner. " Hart! I should think so ! Who are you? and what are you doing here?" " We're pardners, and we've took up 1 this farm, begun Top; but the man looked at the pair of beggars and 1 laughed in a fashion that threatened to 1 bring the rails down over his head. j " Well, well," he said at last, wiping 1 his eyes on his shirt sleeve, "if that * ain't the biggest joke." < Then Ito sobered down a little, and felt of Tip's bones?and, in fact, Tip was I not much else but bones. ] "No more meat'n a ladder! Well, i well, well!" And he pioked up poor I Tip and marched away with him, while < Top followed meekly. It seemed to him i the man had on seven league boots, he got over the ground so fast, while he \ could only limp after, for Top was get- ] ting sore and stiff from tramping. By- , and-bye, they turned into a green lane \ and came to the back door of a house. , The man laid Tip on a bench, and a , shaggy dog came and sniffed at liim. "Molly Anderson I" called the man, and somebody came trotting briskly to the door, saying : " Well, John?" long , before she came in sight. It was the woman who had given them ; tfie doughnuts. Tip cried when he saw her, though he didn't know why, for he felt wonderfully glad. Things were mixed up after that for a good many days, and Tip had queer fancies of going on and on, trying to find the best kind of farm to settle down 1 upon, until at last he waked up to find himself on a clean bed in a great breezy garret, with the pleasant little woman darning stockings beside him. Thf> man was there, too, and he 6aid, in a cheerful voice: 41 They're made of cast steel and whip cords, them youngsters. He'll be right as a top In a day or two." " The other one is Top," Tip tried to i say, but his voice was so queer he did i - J J ? VnJ , not Know it, ana wuuuoiou nuu uau < spoken. In the end, the partners concluded to give up the farm; bat the man who had ; befriended them gave them both work for a few weeks, and when one day they rode back to the city in a great loaded , market wagon they felt very grand. It was grander yet riding back again \ at night, with the new uelight of returning to a home and a welcome. "lip,"said Top, as they orept into ' bed, "I ain't never goin' back to the , city. When they won't keep us no more, and nobody won't keep us, I'm ' goin' to start along the road, and keep on till I come to somewheres. Roads is ' better'n streets; they always go to some wheres that they didn't come from "? ' Top's voice died away, tad Tip only answered with a snore. The partners j were asleep.?St. Nicholat. i A Soldier's Golgotha. < Cuba is a cemetery for Spanish re- ' emits. Unlike Falstaffs ragged regi- ' ment, who were good as food for pow- ' der, these poor boys who are enlisted in Spain and shipped off to crush the in- ' surrection in Oaba are killed by the 1 diseases incidental to the country before they have a chance of facing the enemy. J The mortality is as great or perhaps ' greater than that which cursed the J federal army on the peninsula. Malarial * fever " gathers them in." The official 1 records at Madrid and Havana may be J able to show how many 3tout fellows 1 _ M 1 have been swallowed in ine swamps 01 Cnba, but in do other way oan the thou- * sands of victims be told off. The Mad- I rid government is evidently tired of ' frittering away human life in this way. Martinez Campos is appointed to command the army, and the order to fire is to be given all along the line. Insurrection is to be wiped out. Campos has only to give the order, and quick, j presto! it is done. It is as easy as lying. 3ixteen thousand troops from Madrid { are on the sea, and twenty-four thou- ( aand more are to follow, and with those j o"n the ground the spirit of free Cuba is to be crushed. We have been hearing ] this for years. Men have come and ] men have gone back to Madrid, but the ] war goes on. The insurgents have got a commander who is never idle. His j namo is Gen. Disease. Rescued from the Grave. A nasty, disoolored, and wornout leather pocketbook was sent to the rTnifcprt States treasnrv. with the follow ing affidavit, from Arkansas: "While plowing my field I lost my pocketbook, which contained a 3100 note, a $50 and a 820. Next year when plowing the same field I unearthed it. I send it and its contents for identification." The pocketbook was given to a lady, who is a great expert. She carefully removed the mold and debris, but, alas! the legal tenders had not been proof against frost and rain, and earthly mold. There were only a few black crumbs in place of the crisp, fresh notes. The lady took tissue paper the size of a greenback. She carefully separated the blaok particles, and, as if by magic, she recognized a letter here and there. These she stuck on the tissue paper with mucilage, until she found a clue by whioh sho could identify each note. She proved that they were notes of the National bank of Baltimore, Md., and by her knowledge and patience she caused the notes to be redeemed by new ones, and the farmer has not lost a cent by planting bank noteb, though hi." nrop has not increased. me ?uiior. Scratch, scratoh, soratob, for bis dally bread, The editor sits with low, bent bead; be writes that the rest of the world may read That old man Jones has made a deed, Or little John Smith has stole a pig; ' That Farmer Brown has a brand new gig That old Maid Greon is married at last; Or Mr. Black from the earth has passed. Thus he writes for all that is said, Till at last we hear the editor's dead. Beet has come for the weary hand; He held freo tickets for the better land. Pajus, Sept. 1,1876. ?S. 0. A. . y. J . - % , Items of Interest. A mustard plaster is a "farm personal friend. Founded ica for dinner, if allowed lo stand too long, is not what it is cracked nn to Kfl. m : i ?; ; 4. Nothing is bo great *n instance of illmanners as flattery. If yon flatter all the company, yon please none ; if yon flatter only one or two, yon offend the rest. A late Charleston circular puts the present rice crop of Georgia and South Carolina at 75,600 tieroes, or about five per cent, more than any nop sincc the war. It waaa New Jersey wife who said: " My dear, if you can't really drink bad coffee without abusing me, how is it that you can always drink bad whisky without abusing the barkeeper r" The girl whose lover, named Locke, was exceedingly bashful, lost her patience and declared to him that Shakespeare had not said half as many things as he ought to about Shy Locke. A woman's hand. How beautifully molded, how faultless in symmetry, how soft and white and yielding^. and, oh, how much of gentle memory its pressure convuysl Yet we don't like it in our hair. A student after passing three Tears in the " Latin quarter," wrote to his father asfollowB: "I have made up my mind to set to work, dear father \ therefore, I should like to know whether it was law or medicine that I came to Paris to study." We've suspeoted lor some time past that measures would ha7e to be taken to heck the alarmingly rapid growth of the Smith family. And here, now, sure enough, a Pennsylvania man exhibits at the Centennial a "Smith roller and Brasher." > The Hon. John W. Poster reports to the department of agriculture that" in Mexico there exists the agricultural capacity to produce all the coffee that can be consumed in the United States, and }f a quality equal to the best grown in my country." People maybeabsent minded in everything else, even forget the dinner hour, but you can't find a man or a*woman who overlooks the necessity of getting that ten cent bill changed on the way to ?v>nrf?Vi to apt a nickel out of it for the jonfcribution plate. A queer will, written on the back of * reoeipted bill for groceries, wm admitted to piobate in Albany recently. It reads as follows : "I, .Bridget Reilly, in my solid senses, wills this house to my husband. House and lof, all belonging to, and furnituro." In Algeria there is .1 river formed by the union of two streams, one ooming from a region of ferruginous soil and the other draining a peat swamp. The aoid in the latter acting upon the iron in the former makefe a true ink, and the river is actually a stream of good writing fluid. Two Englishtown (N. J.) boys, fired '*" , with the spirit of many sensational,tales, stole an oyster boat at Keyport and put out to sea in search of an island whereon to play Crusoe and Friday. Two or three days later an inward bound vessel picked them up, nearly dead from exposure and hunger. A well dressed man ate, with apparent relish, an elaborate dinner in a Paris restaurant, and then cut his throat He was taken to a hospital, where the wound was dressed. Upon reviving to consciousness he exclaimed: "What, alive yet!" and oompleted the suicide by bearing off the bandages. Scene in a New York police oonrt? Judge: " Prisoner, I find you are guilty af intoxication in the publio streets The punishment is ten dollars or ten 3ays. Which will you take?" Prisoner: "I will take the ten dollars, your honor." Judge: " Ton are too bright to be looked ap ; try and remain so ; you may go." Prisoner: " Thank yonr honor." A new industry, that of drying eggs, has been set on foot at Passau, on the Danube, and the Prussian military rathoritiee are about to give the product 1 trial for soldiers' rations. The London News says several German chemists ire very sanguine as to the success of the experiment, and they pronounce iried eggs to have lost none of their valuable properties by the gradual evaporation of the water contained by them in their original state. Emperor William has addressed the following words to the citizens of Wissembourg, in Alsaoe, where the French first felt the shock of the advancing Gterman host: " I know you oome to me with bleeding hearts. It is only natural, my friends ; but I myself have known picissitudes, but bore up against them. Believe me as an old man, time sets all things right. Time reconciles us to the greatest changes, and time, I am sure, will make you satisfied." Shingle Your Own House. Scene, barroom; time, midnight. Wife: "I wish that man would go it Vt^'a Ana fn rrr\ fn " iUUlCj U UO D gw V1IU WW QV w, Landlord: "Silonce, he'll call for jomething directlj; he's taking the shingles off his own house, and putting ihem on ours." By this time James begun to. come to lis right senses, stretched himaalf as if ae had just awoke, and said: " I believe t will go." " Don't be in a hurry, James," said the landlord. " Oh, yes, I must go," said James, as be started. After an absence of some time the landlord met and accosted bim with: " Hello, Jim, why ain't you been down to see us ?" " Why, I had taken so many shingles off my own house that it begun to leak, , so I thonght it time to stop the leak; and so I have done it," said James. ? Pulling Out a Boy's Ear. An autopsy was made upon the body of Joseph Bolter, aged ten, who died in New York from the effects of injuries received at the hands of Mr. Beslin. From the ante-mortem statement made before his death the lad said that he was playing with some boys. Among them was little Walter Beslin, about his own age. They quarreled, and the deceased threw some dirt at his companion, ?i w- rnaii'n name ud and wuereupvu xui. pulled him oy one of his ears until it wan almo*st oat of the socket. Dr. Qoldschmidt found that the ear had been partly pulled from the boy's head and two immense swelling* had been caused beneath them. Finally, the brain had been affected and caused hia death. Beelin is in cnatody by order of the coroner. A