Camden gazette and mercantile advertiser. (Camden, S.C.) 1818-1822, October 19, 1820, Image 4
l^O E T R Y.
A A E W- HA MP SH IK K TAVERN.
Some years ago, h?s Rozinante striding,
A gentleman was in New -Hampshire rid
'"g*
Far to the North? -He'd travelled many a
league,
One day ; and now with hunger, thirst,
fatigue,
Almost o'ercome, with most rejoicing eyes
A Tavern siga be at a distance spies :
Approaching, on the sign these words ap
pear :
For uian and beast best entertainment
^ here.*'
Dismounting, for the hostltr now he calls,
But tor the hostler all in vain he bawls..
He opes the door ; then sees with graces
winning,
The landlady and her daughter Bets a spin
ning,
Humming away at most enormous rate,
This on the little wheel, that ou the great,
*Wuere is the landlord ?"??> lie is gone
away
Clear down the lot with Joe, a mowing hay;
4 Grass, madam ? (lave you oats ?? No,
none at all,
My husband sold the -whale last fall
To lind the house in liquors. '-'Corn, ma'am
pray ?'
1 The last half bushel went to mill to day/
4 Then have you. meal ?' ? k Not any s you
know Bets,
All we've not baked has gone to pay our
? -S debts. -
Xfct down them bars ; take out.ytur bits,
your horse
Wiil find as good feed, sir, as ever tvorz,
(*?) . .. ,
?mmt- i??s done* the trav'ler to the house re
t 1 Ui'tly
AmJ to allay his thirst impatient burned*
? I'll lUank you madam for a glass of gin
And water Sir, there's not a ^ drop
; within/ ^
? Some brandy, then/?* Sir, we have p3ne
?Tr. at all ; \r
4 "For here for brandy people never call/.
? A glass then of We*t4ndia/? * ir, we've
xki. none/
** Well then* New -England/?' 1 All our
?. rum is gone/ -
4 Have you some cydcri or some bear that's
good!'
4Chxv cyder's have, not lately brew*d/
STmfcry thirsty; piwy some wa^rr. bring' ?
'Bets take the gourd* and Jet ch some from
i he spring/ <
Bets w?!m? returned? Mother, th' old
sow, oh, lud, . *
Has made the water all as thick, as mud,
By wallowing in the-spring/? The travel-'
- , ler now
Demands : A What ! keep you but youf
pelves and tonf?' - ,
J Keep/ says the woman, feeling angcrte
a spur,
? What do we keepNffhy, we ? keep. Tmv
. em , Sir* ~ \ ? Vi
r ' J
> miscellaneous.
,m ty, ii ? ? ?in-. ? ?" ?? ? " ?
Ffom the JVevj- York American.
v ' ^ ? j " f. ? i
I belong >lr. Editor, like your
seU, io tll.il privileged order stigma
tized by (he ladies as old bachelors;
but fterhaps, Sir, you disdaiu the
adjective* My design io addressing
i you originates from uo zeal lo make
* {wisely tes ; I am too good a patiiot
for i hat. On the other haud, it may
seem downright egotism to defend a
coiiditrou ot life so replete with e*e
4 ry enjoyment; l>ut the world is jg
noraiiijttod full of prejudice, and i
am AiTdHived to aliovv i*y u*y own ex
ample bow cruelly we are inisunUer
etood. i ,\ \
i lie'gan my career of single bles
sednees with leelin^ 01 pe ncc 1 -neu
trality'; 1 did not renounce matrimo
ny for schemes of ambition ; i had
wo grand enter prizes to achieve ? no
book to vftite lor posterity ? no newr
sect of religion to establish ? no em
pires to revolutionize. He ^that
liath wile and children, (saith lily
Lord liacon,; ftatli given hostages to
fortune; J'or uiey are impediments to
great enterprises, either oi virtue or
mischief." iN either was I tempted
to marry by any ol the vulgar but
prevailing incentives. 1 wanted no
heir to inherit an estate which I inten
ded lo spend myself ; and as to pos
terity, let it take care of itself ; lor
my part 1 gloiy in uij priviledge*
and am retudveU to ilie in lull posses
?on ot tiie middle oi ui^ bed.
'I he ^raud study ot rnj ule has
been to avoid e>ei j troublesome jtca
ponsibiliiy, no J to enjoy the luxury
i? good iiviiUt which i maintain ?
be h tull equivalent to matrimony.
Sir, 1 lay ii down a?r a maxim,
that nor*e hut a bachelor can ta*te in
perfection the refinements of epicur
ism; his itinerant habile leave him
at liberty to ransack the earth in
seahrli ? ?f its treasures, and to eivjoy
them on the very spots where they
are produced. Hence it v\ as that I
passed the prime of my days in vis
iting the great cities of Europe tie
vising myself to science, chiefly the
science of good living. Sir, 1 have
beeo drunk with the present majesty
of England, at my own expense,
and 1 dm in actual possession of his
directions -for the composition of his
immortal punch, written by his own
royal hand ! i have eaten haggis
vtith the philosophers of Edinburgh,
and X have dined on turtle with the
Lord ^JVlayor aud Commonalty ot
London. 1 have feasted on black
trufles at Turin, heccufkos in feicily,
and i once timed on the foot of a
iLippopotamus of the>iile in excel
lent preservation. My travels of
course hav< been various, and it may
tie said of me * it was of my Lord
Hlaney, that I literally ate my way
through the continent of Europe. ?
Alter allr Mr. Editor, Paris is the
true .epicure's paradise; in that en
lighten* jl\ city, as formerly at Athens
cookery Jias risen to the dignity of a
science, and will hold a high rank
io the encyclopedias of the present
jrtfigii. America is still a young
country ; ii possesses the richest ma
terials for future greakiess, as well
as cookery, but a century must elapse
before they can be developed antl
brought to perfection.
JL<atu?tiy my peregrinations have
been restrained by that infernal, ene*
uiy to happiness, (he! gout; but
thanks to the eau mtdicmale and the
po ers of steaui, I am enabled to
keep in motion. Like that choice,
the rice bird, my progress is regulat
ed by the seasons. A still continue
to <&t uiy crabs at ^oi \gbranch, my
oyster* at Shark Kitfer, a?y terrapins
at Commuuipaw, and tuji turtle with
the> highminded' fraternity of Hobo
keii. This brings me to* Vie monb
of August, l5aiiston J4priktg9> and
my dear Airs. D vis. Hei ? l^am
t'liahled to correct the excesses -**f the
year. Here I can ? lounge in 1 vy ?I*
iio\\ chair under the piazzas of Han
?ouci, and expatiate on the mi$ei
of the marri d aud the blessings W
the single. Indeed, it is here th. v
. bachelor is practically confirmed ii
ike wisdom of bis choice of life. ?
licit: mauimony shows itself in all
its native horrors: 1 consider the,
| vast assemblage at Ballstun, from
the differeut slates of the union, as
a sort of congr&s of fashion, oach
one sending its delegate, by whom
it short of standard of manners is
established for th? government of the
.w hole. It is in fact a kind of mat-]
rimonial fair., Here -the rose^ of the
north (as ray exquisite frhvTid, Paul
Alien, would pliiage it,) are contras
ted v>ith ttie lilies of the south. It
is here th*U bane Is of rice, bags of
(cotton, a iMiy logs heads of tobacco are
wef^hed agiftnst six per cents, hack
lands, and ma l ino sheep. Here (lie
arts of conquest are studied and ar
rayed iu .?ll tueir terr rs.\As i am
a citizen of the Moild, wiftiout au^
a|i|i<?rent designs, it is my delight in
t?enetr*te those uf others i am now
ut possession of se\eral that would
? vt rturu the beau iiioude of this hap
. j republic, we iv i so malicious as
w> make tuein known. My expert
ise enables me to iooii througu an
uair ot gallantly at a single glance.
, i ft tms instinctive sagacity, my
.) rude# of secret intelligence are the
it lilies' maids ; these |jii vy counsel
+ iin, it is well known,. in unlacing
^ \i* persons of their mistresses, per*
t i ui the same office lor iheir minds.
)i hi* real character nf a he He, in the
c oin[Miiy of her coniidentiaj main,'
e xhihus itself as n.uch in dishabille,
t 5 that of a iiero in the presence ? J
U s valet de chaiuhre. . Thire i '
in oreover a natural sympathy Ik-;
iv .cen a lie ile 1i^ profession ami
h< cht lur hj principle ; lioth are co i
Li) uoiied aiiiinajfc-? both abhor mat 4.
mony* Kut belle* are brings of
much : ore nsp iin? v pws. I am
accu ?%.?.. ?d to consider them in t!.f
li??u of mighty conquerors, nntl 1
could easily run a parallel between
a belle and Alexander the Great. ?
Both are divested of any petty feel
ings of humanity in pursuit of law
ful prey ; both advance to the contest
with feelings perfectly cwol and intre
pid. ictent only on victims to gracei
a triumph, and swell the voice of
fame. When I look upon one of
these .beautiful destroyers, arrayed
and caoarisoned for conquest, nie
thinks I behold a steel-clad warrior
on the eve of battle^ armed for the
field and eager for the fi^ht." ? But,
Mr. Kditor, I bave wandered from
the purpose of my communication. ?
I think, however, that I have said
euough ; should any person 11 ven
ture upou the desperate sacrifice of
his liberty, mAv he but as >ir
Peter sa^ s, " Tiie crime carries witbt
it iU? own punishment."
PEKt/tiiilNJS 8iNliLE.
i
JFor the National Advocate. -<
I HE CRITICAL Oii KUVEli:
" JS'evet dispute ubo at trifles " ^
iinde Bartholomew, as 1 said
before, was a pretty shrewd 0U1
uhaj) abounding in 11 manner of cu
rious sayings, indeed like iUe j>ai
riarchs of old, he was the father of
the w !*ele neighborhood ? giving ?<K>d
advice* where advice was necessity
? visiting 4he jkjot and unfortuu>u
with his purse ? anck Settling the
fiuteb .of the w hojte village, ho
s;reat, indeed, wasr*fiis success iu,
this .latter case, that it was said, three.
attorneys were compel led* I> r the uu
usual scarcity of suits , to take th -
benefit of the insolvent law^-but thi*
wants co till fin lit j on ? mote especially,
as it was whispered about among the
"kuowing ones," 4hat they uaude a
"giand speculation" by it !
A youn$ man of the village .hav
ing; married a very tidy >oung maiden
? no ways remarkable, however,
for ihe, sweetness of her temper ?
and, TfcM^he same time, a little in-,
clined tod imputation himself, found
his house so little resembling one ot
concord, that he bethought himself'
srriously ot* the necessity of remedy f
ing -it ? and, therefore, according lo
the old proverb, that u in the muUi-,
tude of counsellors there is safety,"
he applied to uncle Bartholomew tor
advicer? This, agreeably to his usual
custom, was concisely given ? it w a*
in four words ? " JSever dwputr
\about trijlee f" ? and, so forcibly Wit*
the young felknv impressed with the
c <|icacy ol* it, ,4hai jrom that time for
v, wd, ^1 ibv were reckoned the Jia -
pie. ^ couple in the village. v
f j!5V vue time ago, 1 received an in
vjtatit ^ to spend the afternoon with
ap acq* taiutance whom I had not seen
fir a iiu V?ber of years? and, actor
dingly, calculated upon enjoying
myself v* The appointed da^
having nr? tiv?d, 1 set out, and w?i*
received w Ti*h every demonstration
of joy, by Beutkam Dab&i.e and,
bis dime. 4 the fust time 1
had seen the i. * since their marriage,
and I forthed , A very favorable opin
ion of his wife. JVom the cleanliness
**il regularity n WfflKSd in the dis
|iositiok) of her household, and tue
tidiness of her tin ,iu'e daughters
?every thing had foe appearauce of
Wdx work.
After answering ( h? usual round
of questions, i \>?> ? hurricti -out,
very abruptly as 1 fa. ''J ni>
friend Bertram, in ordi. " * '? v^w his
plantation ? nod so well wd he occu
py my" attention, (hat it w '**
etfe we returned ; we fo> W<1 dame
Dabble busily engaged in V ? wanting
lier service, and io a few flti. '^te8 *e
were summoned "to tea.'" 1. * I Waa
delimited with the amieafgnct- ol ,,er
nouse, I was much better pi
with her ierapting viands, and . ^ ?n"
iicipated a most deiicioua mei "
when, alas! an accident' ocrtm "et'
ivhich completely destroyed all n* V
rio|>os ! , ;
A l?rg* cream jug had been pla-,
.ctl upon a nmall stand, fertile piy
,?>e of replenishing the more font*
lonable one oq 1 he Utbl?? ? thi? ju^,
' V
or its contents, possessed *\\Wi ien*
(harms to am act 1 1 attent
iavoiiu? cat U it'i< in the room, w I ; ? ?
-?fine I willing enough u> appnvr.
? ?te it to her own u*e. This uiov- ?
n nt bein^ observed by Jiertram.
In immediately i;ave notice it u?
his daughter, by binding a couplet
of the oh! U&Uad, (with, unftirtun
aielv for the comfort of the remain
??
ing part of tUe day, a transposition
of two words) which lias been in um
many years, viz: \
*' I'he cat's in the cream ju<j,
( 'Jirls run , girl* run ! I
The cat's in ? "
Here, however, tie was interrup
ted by his uife, w la*?e ears could
not ^reconcile the transposition appa
rent in the second line, ami s he im
mediately exclaimed, " Fwtincler,
my dear, yon can l>e so forgetful, J
Fin sure you know it tuust he thus :
4k The cat's in the cicam jug,
Ruu g iV\*% run girls ! J
The cat's in the cream jug,
Run kill*) run '"
Bertram rejoiued, ami the A-j/e n -1
rejoin* <i ; a nd the dispute nad reach
ed a considerable lieiglu, wheu ii
was terminated in a manner uot yer?
olcasjuit ti? me, viz: scahting m>
j-elf most unmercifully with Damn*
i Da hide's tea ; which caused me u
scam|ier about the room, to tjie lie
small amusement i.f the disputants,
whose uuiu?cessarv contradictions lia.T
mmpleiely der nged ui> Jacuhhs.- .
I he c A, however, was driven uut.
aiul having again taken ru) seat, te;.]
wa*> jtinished in rat her piore quietm>
ihau it commenced; though iuj co<? \
lore was entii i*J v destroyed $ an?
therefore, hurried home as mum *?:
?> sihle; lamenting J he lot ui i?. ,
? i. i ho*. ?f he would iner* I.
have foilowe?l -hv oucle's advice ; v
4 never disputing about trifle*,"
have l>een ihe Jhaj>j>ie?i man iu Ihe
village.
la my further progress .though life.
I found thai-there were a great mativ
Bertram Dabbles/ Aud to all such,
i will merely observe, iu the wot'rit*
of my e j?r dispute xjk)ut
tr\fleW
Whimsical sketch of the life 4 (L
.death of Men y V11L ,
He was born in and began
to reign 1503. He jaised liis favour-'
hew, the instrument# of his crimes*
tfom the .depth of Obscurity Xo the
pinacie o i grandeur, anck, After set
ting them up as tyrants, put -them to
death like slaves. Hew as pre-emi
nent in religion ; first quarreling with
ljuthex, whose doctrine* he thought'
too republican, he. became the defen
der of the Cajtoolie faith ; and thee'
(j unrolling with the 1'ope, who stood
in W\\ of his murders, lie .was twice
excommunicated. lie made creeds
ami articles, and made it treason not
to swear to them ; and he burned his
opponents with slow .fire. He burn
ed an hysterical girl, the maid of
Kent, for her opinions. He dispu
ted with a foolish school-master on
the Real Presence, and burned him
to convince him. lie beliegded bish
op Fisher mi J bir \ lioinaa Mc?ore,
for not swearing that hi* own chil
dren were bastards, lie robbed the
churches, and gave the revenue of a
convent to an old woman lor a puu
ding. He burn il a lovely yonn^
woman (Anne Ascue) for jabberin .<
of the Heal Presence. He was in
love, aa" in religion* delicate and
lender, tie first married his sister
in law, and because her children
died, destroyed tier; married her
Maid of Honor, and made Parlia
*
ment and Clergy declare he had doue
welt lie beheaded the JVIaid of
Hitnour for letting her haudkerchiej
fall aj a lilting, and two or three
gentlemen ivitti her, to keep jier
crtmprtn^ ; threw ber hod> iu(o an
old arrow case, and hurieil it therein,
and the very next d<iy married a third
wife, and hi* J^i lament and hi*
Clergy made it treason not to wy it
was well.
lie next jtropoaed io Francis 1. to
hring two 1 run esses of lunse, and
a number ot other pre it) Fundi la
kkies, that he mi^ht choose a fourth
Mfo amoug them. . fl tuw Jfletu i
'Jig mum too to tiling luiin
xnotkei, so lie leli hi iove vwiu Uit:
picture of a "Dutch ladv, uud mav
her without seeing her. When
? it* came he found she '?poke lhitcli
ud did not dance well. He *worc
? >e was no maid, ( ailed her a 'e hin
ders mere, and turned her loose4,
fid as he had destroyed Cardinal
vVolsey, when he was tired of his
.'orme** wife, so he beheaded Crom
well when he was surfeited with this
me. ? lie married a fifth wife, with
whom he was so delighted, that he
had forms of thanksgiving, compo
sed by his Bishop^ and read in the
. iiurchcs* and tlien condemned her,
tier grand-mother, uncles, ; aunts,
cousins, about a dozen in all, to he
put to death. Having done all this,
aud much more, he died of a rotten
leg, in the 58th year of his reign,
jLiid tbe7#;h of his life.
FROM THE NEVfr LONDON ADVOCATE*
The following w a very cheap , easy
and speedy method for making
the vert, Jirat ryie Vl^'KGAH :
Take any quautity you please of
tb e first ripe apples that fall, and
u IhcIi are always worth the least for
rider, which should either he ground
- r\y course In a mill, or wha is
quilly good, bruised in a barrel
u lib a cmiinon pounder. Then of
ne coarse gro *ul or hruised apples,
j .ut a layer of about two inches deep
into die bottom of alight clean cask;
[iJieu a layer df rclenn straw of about
i he *atne thickness, and so on till
the cask is full, observing to press
':#e straW and apples well together
(tli the Jiand while filling the risk*
Then take one fourth part as much
aUTRs (be come apples would m^ke
i' culcr, (if ground and pressed,)
lid pour it a little at a time iuio the
: ask of apples and straw. JLet it
stand tuo or 4hree hours, and then
drain it off verv slowly, just as you
would water through ashes for mak
ing lye, And being thus drained
off, Die saute liquor is to he run
through three or lour times a day,
lor tw o days successively. It is I hen
to be put into ft clean cask, where
it tuay work, .standing in the sun.-*
Iti a short lime it will Jbecome very
fine sharp Vinegar. W. B.
\ August, 80, |8SQ.
>' , THE SABBATH.
How still tftc .morning of this haUow*4
day;
My te is the voice of r\iral labor ; hush'd
'five plough-boy's whistle and the milk
maid's song.
> Grahame
-Auspicious morning! celebrated
I iy angels chanting hallelujahs la
HIM who hurst the hars of death,
and triumphed over & {lie grave>?
Shall men observe *;<kjfnb silence?
The plough- boy may suspend his
unmeaning whistle; and the ruddy -
milk-maid her iapocent song; yet
jihey will with reverence join in at*
hymn of devout adoration aud
thanksgiving. How charming is Oil*
day ! Sfce the rich and the poor, tliQ
old and the young, repair to th*
temple of 4he Lord.' The swain* at
dawn of day, beats away tlie de\fr
of night, to IxUhe himself, and res*
tore his tired limbs, and another w ith
uciive steps, hurries to the assembly*
and lo?s anticipates the. aonnd of th$
deep toned bell and joins iti his
praise ; ? the praise universal echoes
from eve?y heart. On this divine
jubilee; (hie day of rest, the toils
land liardships of the week are for*
gotten, and hushed are the savaga
passions. Thus, dressed in cleanly
robes, all glorious within, ".the peo
ple walk onward to the temple of
Zion." Every grateful day ! I -hail
the King of other days; King of
domestic/ peace ; of pleasure ; of
rest. Thou art ever welcome, evefc
lovely; whether in winter9** frozen
roiws, or a <tumn9$ rural to
laste her richest finite ; or B&mmer'i r
sultry rays, to sit beneath the foliage
<.t her groves, or tn the lovely fipritig,
to View the violeft, the lily or the rone.
Thou fillest all seasons with divinfc
i OHpect ; thp ? woodland walk, the
venlant meadows, the chanting choir,
*nd the moral man, receive their
> ich delights from thee !? " Hallow
* ia^ ! huth'd be the plough-boy'*
.viuatto jy^the mvl k- maid's sonp,*'