The Lancaster news. (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, May 08, 1909, Page 7, Image 7
^ Humor
K I' 1 if 'i
^ HER LENTEN SACRIFICES.
I Hi* Daughter Wa* Certainly a Re- j.-?n
markably Earnest Girl.
"My wife Is having r hard time of It tor
daring Lent," says the man with the
rambling whiskers. "She Is trying to
# go without candy, and it is really a j?^1
a ' great trial to her."
"Well," says the man with the wllt
ed eyebrows, "my daughter Is certain- For 1
iy making n record. She isn't eating i S|t
1 * a bit of.meat?not even ttslt and eggs."
I m r "Yon don't say!" Kor f
"Fi.et. And she doesn't eut any can- 1
J dy, nor does she go to the theater." ?
I ? "Well, well!"
"And. more than that, she hnsn't
w played u single hand of bridge."
i "You don't tell mel How about
5 danaiugr *
V "She hasn't danced a step during
h Lent. t
"Shotjcertalnly Is a remarkably ear- /
neat giru You aeUlotu see one. who Is M
ho tlnu In her resolutions. How old iff
is shelf?
"Three months and ten days old."? ?L
Wilbur D. Nesldt in Chicago Post.
V* 'V >
,<1 J ?. Lucky Atlas!
Teu'-hefci-Now, Johnnie, can you tell
tne who.Atlas was?
f Johnhte (tiged nine)?Yes, teacher,
f. * He was the man believed to supilorl
the earth on his shoulders.
TeaVher? He supported the earth, did
he ?|
J oh utile?Yes, sir. *>
ToAeher?Well. then, who supitorted "1
him? not I
Johnnie (after thinkiug a little while) and
?I suppose he married a rich woman. "I
?New York Tluies. any
* Kan
In the Heavyweight Class.
Tenderfoot (watching a funeral procession
)Do you always have "<:
horses to,the hearse? ha in
v Alkali ILe? Not always. The passea- way
seer in there came out to this country ery
a bragging that he was the champion you
lightweight of the worhl, and one 'T
* , night when ho got too pert One Eyed eartl
Bill pumped him so full of lend that It "V
13g) took the extra team of horses to pull "II
the hoarse.?Harper's Weekly. nwa
$2 * tellli
? Not Overanxious. i pr
JfgB 1 An old Kansas citizen who had been rest:
ryB henpecked all Ills life was about to
? \j die* His wife felt It her duty to offer
' r A[ hlnj suqIi consolation as she uiiglit. a
and stld.fi'.John. you are about to go, wen
i but 1 will follow you." and
"I suppose so, Mauda," said the old her.
man weakly; "but, so far as I am con- steel
I cerned.'you don't need to be In any per.
t 4$ -'Dittoed hurry about it." * rivei
V 1 ^?- his '
Little In Comparison. "Ala
J I "It's a fuel," said Towne, "that my hap]
t fi wife Is able to dstss on copiparatfvely
^ v little UH>n<\v."a? ?| * 4 *
"Whnt^ exclaimed glairy at. "Oh A
< \ i ?ome n<m! What da *you moan by ed t
' % ' 'comparatively littleJF* 0f ?
/ "I mean on Aitfle compared with mug
what she thinks,,she ought to hgve/'? astri
\j Catholic Sbunlfird and Times. > -jj
J *0| Mar,
His Occupation. ?- -j
"Yes, lie was puce a professional l>o)?ii
baseball player." * ?
* i "What's he doing n?w?" " .
^ "He puts in most of his lime hunting
<, for people who arc willing to listen
while he tells them what a great man nnv
' V used to be."?Chicago Hceord Her- zet',
Hopeless Case. *'Y
L k" ?* "Why, Lushley, I am astonished te "I'm
' \K aee you out! The Inst thing 1 heard ehnn
about you was tliat ttie dnctoY bad '5,r a
fcfven yon up." -"had
/ \'Well, he has. He?or-told me l he hutli
other day be had charged up my uc- Woh.
? count to.proflt and toss."
mk rwmr
v His ftofs.
VTho actor of the stranded troupe "i"*1
at the prospect of footing 1,0 11
> l|ea.
i '-.your kicking," said the man ne*?s
lr^*p4UC"tly. "You signed as
Tgentlemau, didn't yon?" ?
\ . Ledger
If Ths Prime Necessity. Ktun
(1 "No 'matter whether inventors use
salla or motors on their airships, there
is one thing all will havo to do."
' JVbot is that?" *n a
Jt "} llsc the wind."?Baltimore Anier* '' V
y > \ 5_ ""K
K Circus. . 8W01
I ber d. I I An
Hi 5? ? kmV JI
i IM >* /V I 1
/ V v V^v^r T,,v?
_. . " \/ got lil* back ?i? at _ph
( ^ j ' Jon a millionaire "j]
J ^
\ yysptgyH
THE LANCASTER ne
ted Yonag Wornu. Q?
Narrowly Escapes
:hing Near Day- U
nriur
Following Ordars.
o?," said tin* magistrate. ".voir VH
t testify ouly to what you know;!
earsny evidence. Understand ?" I
es. sir," replied the female wit !
our name Is Mary 1'.right, i l?eNow,
what's your age?" %
won't tell you. I have only hear-' 31
evidence on that point."?CatholicI
tlard and Times. Do
I fire t
Then He Shut Up. hot w
say, captain," said a smart youth > U?<
n ocean vessel, "when you board Flaini
?ssel. where do you get the tlni- oomfc
Wi
rom the ship's log, of course," an- ,
ed the captain. j V1.. '
id the smart youth kept his face j ? T.
si during the remainder of the " *'
ige.? I>etroft Tribune. I
! above
His Idea of Moderation. in the
liuwlio is determined not to be[?
a slave to the clgawet habit,' .
t you know." j k
low mntiv does he smoke, deah
I \?i
!? -* confining nimseir to one everj
It wpck, don't you kuow."?Cleve-,
I'ln In I toiler. ^
Effective.
ou are certain it wan not your j /
that, sent thin man to the hot*
!?- | /
lire thing, your honor." replied the i
ifTeur airily. "If my mnehine ha'*
ilin he'd hnve gone to the tnorgti
liadelphia ledger. ' i /
The Versatile Growl. / ^ ^
i'hat-8 that dog d../
te la, eai' his ? ' '
gPTF
ma0^m
love n mnu who is not truly brave
heroic."
see. And yon have never found
one brave and heroic enough."?
?as city Times. York
T ha W.
Luminous Idea.
rlRshy/1 sit>*8 ilie friend, 'Til he of the
ted If 1 can see how it Is you al- Demons
* get the best there Is to eat in evrestaurant
you patronize, and yet C&roIlU
never tip the waiters n cent." pg {be
ve got the greatest scheme on .
It." says Grigsby proudly. bl1
riiat Is itV* up wort
r you'll promise not to give it :nni4
v,"" replies Grigsby, "I don't mind "
ng yon that when I give my order See put
etend to bo the owner of a rival Pian
uirant."?Chicago L'ost.
, out soil
Showing His Mettle. pogsibh
man with a bronze complexion i
t tip to a girl with a silvery voice '
had the brass to attempt to kiss pOUiids
sue Blvl,,E him . of hi .
ly glance, xalled loudly lor a cop- "
"One of the tlnest" quickly ar* acre.
I on the neeno and, with irony in buck*}
voice, made the man his prisoner,
is,'' cried the unfortunate, "my J Ul n I
dues* ts ore!"?Yale Record. full bio
A Sure Sign. aiul 550
Wilmington woman recently roach* vht a'.
lie conclusion that the attachment j
i certain nolieeman for iter . im?l- 1 l'
i l?e investigated ie?t it prove dis- than Lt
>us to domestic discipline. det'tll c
>o you think lie means business,
y't" she asked. With a
think ho. mum.*' said Mary. "He's (,r whei
in to complain about my cookin',
i."? TlariH-r's Weekly. Plan
cast 2 I
A Sportsman Draws the Line.
farmer lias to take chances lik< O
other business man," said tlie clli ijushei*
who Is interested in the uplift,
es." answered Mr. Corutossel. 1 u,n ul
willin' to take all kinds of in lull
ees. I answer most every circu .
iiiyhoily sends mo. Hut I never yet
the nerve to depend on free distrl Follow
ui seeds for my summer vegetu- : (l]
"?Washington Star.
^
WHEN KITTY SINGS. Assanl
When Kitty aing*. by Jlngv.
'Tia then the welkin tings!
never heard it ring. but welt I know A/Tor,
uld ring It Kitty's voice had half a
Uow- Lvrw
When Kitty King*, by Jocks, I a-ijrm
The very woods unci rocks
touuds prolong
add wild eltin echoes to her long!
When Kitty sIiirs the lark Daytfl
Stop.-s singing in the park. .
well lie knows no one would hear or *V Spot
him when Kitty a voice la ringing Ailtl Wlti
there. o| i1(?r
When Kitty sings, you know, Ul ucl
Kven the stately crow DlVttV H
ears to caw?
from respect, the rogue, for har- j yyq yen
mony's law!
When Kitty sings 1 swear lO'day
And dink down In despair,
shen her voice my heartstrings smite IliirUH ag
entranced; I cannot write.
1 sometimes wish she'd stop, 1 08 a
But hint I dare not drop . .
!ear she'll go? 1,1
Kitty is our cook, you know! >
Will S. Cildley in New York Times. WOO ru
^ brought,
a
61 r HV t tv and Ta
ftf/lil flamed tin
ni l/ wU % most oUl
7I.1 ^ m H sist upon
Jfyj. A Ak ey and 'l'ti
have never inarriinl because I can
ton, Ohio. Lee,
>?, 0.,May 5.?In alone- atte
just outside this city hgh
hiu a quarter of a mile k()t4,
home, an excepioually ? tic
narried woman, twenty- ?ot ]
rs old, was assaulted late 1Qen
by a mail who gave his Dcp
i Jt-hu Norris. chat
Ufisfd crime took place lie
of a number of children, and
>i?ed an alarm, which was
?? j 1^111
ider (he buckwheat when tar
blootu and the cow peas sav
irst pods bejiiu to ripen, he ?
with a cover crop ol put
i clover. to t
?????????????a >
VOHMiBMHHI \
Plan for 1
immer Comfort J
n*t add the heat of a kitchen^-m
o tlie sufficient discomfort of gi
rather. <M
5 a New Perfection Wick Blue 'ijH
; Oil Cook-Stove and cook in FS
th a "Mew Perfection" f/\
Stove the pre|iaration of [/ J
meals, or the hi$ weekly jl ^
injf," is done without
ic temperature j?erceptihly
that of any other room
: house. Another freat advantage
MFW PFH1
111JVV JL MJJLtLI
Vick Blue Flame
k is its handsome CABINF/
frrfv(*S iiu'iur of the mode
\elf for warming plat
shelves for holdiii|
\fitted with racks f
| ean be had with t
your dealer's .ddr
\**T4
) -is tharafora I
your d??l
< ' STAI
man
v ' v
several larmers to the the
>Dcl the man was captured the
i alter a thrilling chase The
two miles, in which the scoe
e aud the assailant swaru utv
ii and exchanged pistol tjro.
Deputy Sheriff Loo res-' ?
e mau from the infuriated
.. and he is now in jail,
i been identified by wit- Fai
less, bronchitis and other throat ^
re quickly cured l?y Foley's Hon- j y v
t as it soothes unit heals the inroat
and bronohinl tubes and the and
inate coughs dissup pears. In- t|
having the genuine Foley's Hon- r 11111
ir. b underburk Pharoiacy, E. by 1
lond X Co, lloith 8prings. s.
. smc
to Build Up Wort?? tlia
win
Out Soil. bv ,
ville Enquirer :?Prof.
Williams, superintendent
Farmers' Co-operative ^ Be
itratiou work in South Fol'e;
a,has 6ent Mr. C. J Hughcounty
agent, the follow- h?"
. , ..... beall
ggesiiotis lor building run
\ out soil, which suggestWilliams
would like to Heat
inlo effect in this county:
1. Select a tract ol worn
, as much as five acres, if V
\ Break to a depth ol 8 |
and sow broadcast 100; ,
il (6
ol lime? or 400 pounds ,
grade acid phosphate per i,ea
Harrow well and tow in ^00
leaf, 1 V bushels per ncr . d >n
his crop under when in ero|
cm to a depth of S inches
vv another crop of buck- vill
Turn thi9 crop under! pen
i full bloom, but not later mat
i ore the firet fro6t,to a (
if o or 4 inches. Follow 1 is e
,
winter cover crop of rye , (his
i*t. j are
2. Tf desired, sow broad un<
lUrbels ol cow peas and 1 I
f sorghum seed, of 1j- saw
, r.? K,,r.b
W8, M4V 8 '909
wjsxiz-" " the funderbu
Ibany, (is., M<v 0.?Ely Becomes /
mes, a desperate negro pris- ? ftflAITp A VTTW
in the Lee County j .it at h A Ml II X A |\ 11T
iburg, was shot to death this E r*iTl\/U*J 1\ Ml/L
rnoon in a hand-to-hand
t with Deputy Sheriff 11 D. * i T7i__i.
i..?d?rk ce'i u, i?,i. Notable Enterprn
ht iu which .he il8er c. uid caster's Progre
eave the c**l? alive Both ?
i realized this according to Large Stoc
uty Logan and woen his ?
ice came he killed the i egro. !VL0Clicill0?
had entered Holmes' cell
the uegro attacked him, it Ha
sa'd, with a stool, beating
-i ii t . The announcement that tlie Funde
oilicer unmercifully betore ... i , , . ,?
- selected as the local distributing agenc
latter could draw his pistol, mgtoi), Ky., Manufacturers of Andes'
11 u tight began tor its pos Andes' Salve and Andes' Kiuulsion w
ion, which ended when Dep. c&3ter w,th >ntereet.
. It is an important announcement,
Logan i?ped aud the negro ?repv;ivene8* of a leading concern of tl
>ped to the cell floor dead, that the tremendous demand for these
officer was exonerated. parts of the south will lie tqua!
demand.
~ I y E. Wright, a member of the
mer and Wife Die! tireat Andes, the noted advertise} wfcc
Fighting Fire caster personally a few days ago and t
? ? ' ileiburk Phermacy with a view to spp
io.?he, Iud, May 5.?The bod- Andes' medicines.
A Samuel Hoover, a faimtr. Thw,e medicines, particularly An.?
! I .1 It -li - ?
. . .r , , | ?nu-iire an over me 8OUU1, every sale
wfe, "ere fouud in (be | ,lle m>I,uer of lbe vnllle,B chsin BUC|
18 of their 'ourotd barn to-'Jay I s. on signed between the factory repre
neighbors. Coroner Siaufft r : burk Pharmacy.
I he would return a verdict I e Gre?e '?'? '*??>?? man
? r, | distribution of these curatives, was ur
t Mr. mid Mrs, Hoover died J Spartanburg, but as lie had already m
le fighting the fire, caused , where lie i- now, at the St. John llote
spontaneous combustion. However the hundreds of stories
published in the daily press of South
" " Preserif tion liave not been one-whit
6V. J. W. Williamsons Letter. thousands of others also, true, starting
it* ! W. Williamson, Huntington, W, of any part of the body, stomach troub
writes: "this is certity that I used dor trouble, you would do well to pur
&?srz?rss&?rcr<? ?
y that it wili do all tbut yon claim tor ????????????????
Folev'g Kidney Kemedy ban rostorod
h anu strength totbousaands ot weak,
town people. Contains no harmful B p F
s and is pleasant to tako. Funder- I ? ?
Pharmacy, E. W. Llammond .V Co., IB ? *' fit a
h Springs. I I 1J
Unity Items.
Ir. Editor: Please alu?w tno i CUT PRI
ce in vour valuable pape' for '
a dots from this 9ec?ion. The; ??
lib of the cotnmuniiy i->
d. The farmers are about I IT order to mov<
ie planting. The small grain /-vTTir? tr 1
, . OUICK we maki
p 1 <oks favorab e ~
lr. James HaTman of Lyles- dllCed DriCeS for F
e, N. C.. is visiting his pa- H *
ts. Mr. and Mrs. N. II. Mallo,
of ihe Unity secliou. fl ^ 5 ?? shoes redll
)ur friend Mr. J. H. Caskey ' | ^ shoes redU
tuck on a merry widow in!l
t section, fcnring chickens ! m 2.00 shoes redll
plentiful, ... come again, ! , shoes re(]u
le John. j J
>v the way we liavean expert I ^*^5 shoes redll<
m.U man who run- hi, ?. $ redu
e, saws', bears oil lumber,; 1
n* logs and rolls sawdust and ; 4.OO pants I'edll
ra JO logs a dav, but we think 1 , .
could beat that it he .lid not j 2"5? Pants redu
in so much time talking I .OO pants redll<
he girls. New* Reader. |
1 5000 yards 7 12c Ging
E 1 11 2000 yards yard wide i
jjjMHHHMSURH 50 doz. 50, 65 and 75c
I 'Wwl fw m 2 $ dozen 5?cents j?b
V Kt** jm 25 dozen ladies' 25c v<
gr p^l Goods, Linens, Ms
T meet same fate. If
1/ omize get our pri
u \ purchases. You
of the 1 '
FECHON Funderburl
Oil Cook-Stove i
I' TOP, which Rives every
irn steel range. Has an ample | .
tea and keeping cooked food hot. ' ... r*\ r a ?
small cooking utensils, and ! Woman OonfCSSCS tO otcalor
towels. Made in three sizes, j ing Pair TrOUSCrS and
>r without Cabinet Top. If not I rj
our ,.e,re,t .Keu,-r. j Burning Barn.
T -TU -i?a j*l givci p?rfsss 1 Kncxville. Tenn., M^v 5 ?
J combuttioa According to ihe confesftioi. oi
f,~from d^.r?bl.Uura L"t",h- ? y?'?>R wh??
ivenknt, ornamental?tk?idealHght woman einplo\e<I A* a dotQCStiC
r'? address our nrarMt trmcy. rt ? .
<daid oil company ia tno ,s*m,ly of 0. <) Kpowder,
(iaiiijiiiiit) reading near 8-veet water, she
HBBBONBflBMBHBk ?et? yo a barn am^/ie't Vod
\
7
RK PHARMACY
Vgentfor
S_ REMEDIES.
je Shown by Lan
ssive Druggist
ik of Famous
3 Now on
ndrbtirk
Pharmacy, of tl?i? city, has beea
y for the Payne Medicine <'o., of LexGreat
Prescription, Andes' Great Oil,
ill be received by the people of Lan* ^
significant of the enterprise and prods
city, and there is but little doubt
Justly celebrated remedies in other
led, it' not rnrpassed, by the loca!
corps of eo-workers accompany ing The
> is now in r*partnaburg, came to Lanntered
iuto negot iat ions with the Funointing
the local house agents lor the
fes' threat Pre.-cription, bave sold like
bt inging about two or three others in
i is its great merit, and a contract was
.rented by Mr. Wright and the Kunderwhose
life work is the promotion and
ged to visit Lancaster while he was in
iade engagements to go to" Charleston,
I, he was forced to decline
of remarkable cures which have beea
Carolina as being due to Andes' Great
exaggerated : They are e*?try one, and
fly so. and if you suffer from catarrh
le of any kind, liver, kid&y and bind <
base Andes' Great Prescription from
tored to good health. [ '
AYS?,'
CE SALE "
* some surplus stock
e the following reifteen
Days Only. 1 *
ced to $ 3.98
ced to 2.98
ced to 1.48
ced to ^ 1.18
ced to :?8
ced to $ 3.75
ced to 3.00
ced to 1.98
ced to j .88 |
hams 4 i-2c.
Shirting 4 i-2c. , ^
Shirts cut to 39 cents.
Shirts cut to 23 cents. >
ists cut to 10 cents. ' \
Kite Goods, Wash
idras, etc., all must
you want to econces
before making
rc r#*c
i u i uj) H
k Comp'y. I
I 41,500 w^rth of property. Sh*
had stolen a uair of trouserx from
the hoir ? containing $3.50 which > .
had been found minus the money,
and in order to gire her ?n
opportunity to restore the mone^
she started the fire to dist'
the attention of the family
Wkw 7?a w~
mb4 it to *"