The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, September 24, 2001, Page 6, Image 6
THE LEADER
USC’s master
disaster plan
In a brilliant move that shows the administration
is in tune with the needs of students, faculty and
staff, the university is taking out parking spaces
along Sumter Street to add green space. It’s called
“streetscaping.” USC drivers will know it as “adding
another level to parking hell.”
The university has long shown a disregard for the
cries of students, faculty and staff who can’t find
parking spaces day after day. The university’s
contention that there is enough parking on campus
is laughable; all one has to do
USC says It has a t0 figure out hpw laughable is
uMaster Plan ” t0 watch the Parkin£ patterns
.... . .’ at the lots behind the
but its plan is „
less than Coliseum. Arguably among the
worst on campus, the lots are
masterful. often filled by 9 a m with cars
circling for several minutes
before either finding someone pulling out of a space
or giving up in frustration.
Parking lots around campus show similar
problems: from the spots behind Bull Street Garage
to the small lot across from the P.E. Center on
Sumter Street, parking spaces across the campus are
filled from dawn to dusk.
But the university is pursuing a plan that will take
out more spaces. And Sumter Street is just the
beginning; other streets are also set to be
“streetscaped” in coming years.
The university once promised — with much
bravado — that the Strom Thurmond Fitness and
Wellness Center would include 15 acres of parking
and exercise fields (while never giving a specific
breakdown). But city/county planning director Rand
Jorgenson told The State last September that the new
parking is “just adequate for that facility.”
University officials also say there will be a better
transportation system that will help parking. This
shows outright ignorance of the actual problem.
Better and more available shuttles would fix the
problem—if the problem were the availability of
shuttles. It isn’t. The problem is that students have
nowhere to park in order to board the shuttle system.
USC says it has a “Master Plan,” but its plan is less
than masterful. Indeed, if the university continues
down the road of tearing out existing parking spaces
before replacing them with new ones, the roadmap
for the university’s physical future might as well be
known as the Disaster Plan.
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Why I’m on the road to hell
those attacks happened because
we have taken prayer and the
Ten Commandments out of
schools. They believe those
attacks happened as a result of
women and homosexuals
fighting to obtain equality. And
they believe those attacks
happened because of our liberal
and leftist ideals.
For them, if you ain’t on the
right, you ain’t right with God.
Someone needs to take the Bibles
away from Jerry Falwell and Pat
Robertson and smack them
upside their heads with it. Or
maybe they just need to read
them properly.
Jerry Falwell and Pat
Robertson are perverts. They
have perverted their positions in
Christianity irreparably. They
are truely men of the devil in
that they have used their
positions of power, not for the
betterment of humanity, but for
their own personal political
propaganda and self
aggrandizement. Isn’t that what
the devil did before he was
ousted from heaven?
Since when did these people
gain the authority to tell the
world what God’s will is? They
have no more ability to
determine that than you or I
have. Furthermore, I never
heard God himself say these
attacks were an act of vengence.
All I heard were the
misinterpretations of some crazy
old Christian fanatics who took a
tragedy and twisted it around to
make it tie in to their own
personal agendas.
But, since Jerry and Pat read
the Bihle 10 times a day, I guess
they must be right. The beliefs I
hold so dear are probably evil
and will send me to hell. In a
lame attempt to save my
hellhound soul, I would like you
all to say a prayer with me.
Let us pray:
Lord, please forgive me for
believing that homosexuals are
human beings too, and, therefore,
should be treated humanely.
Lord, forgive me for believing
that women should be treated as
equals. Forgive me for believing
that women should not be
subservient to men.
Lord, forgive me for believing
that it is wrong for the children of
Muslims and Hindus to be
subjected to the Ten Command
ments. Forgive me for respecting
their religion. You see God, 1 have
known some Christians who are
far more evil than my Muslim
friends.
Forgive me for having respect
for my fellow man, irrespective of
his or her religion, sex or race.
After reading the Bible, 1 thought
that was what Christianity was
all about. I guess I was wrong.
And Lord, please accept me into
“Pat Robertson heaven, ” where
only undersexed, cranky old white
men carrying overused Bibles are
permitted to enter.
But I guess it’s too late for
praying now. I will probably go
to hell for my tolerant views. I
can’t wait to see Pat Robertson
and Jerry Falwell there, so I can
tell them how wrong they truly
were.
The false hype about college
CHARLES PRASHAW
CEPRASHAW@YAHOO.COM
Life here is not the
drunken demon hell ride
we were led to believe.
This column is strictly for
guys, so please, women, don’t
read this. It’s bad enough I’m
slowly earning a reputation as
the foul-mouth, rude and
offensive Gamecock columnist.
So please, ladies, read something
else; the rest of this column is
mostly BS anyway.
All right, guys, I think I have
figured out the biggest problem
of all time when it comes to
college. It’s not what most people
complain about: parking, dining
services, washing clothes,
housing, class, work, class-work,
money or freak flag football
injuries that end in broken collar
bones. No, it’s the hype of
college, stupid. It’s the movies,
the mythology of college, and the
kind of shit so many guys were
sold on by Hollywood. It’s that
crap that every pinhead that
owns the poster of John Belushi
downing a bottle of Jack was sold
on.
I have a little cousin who is a
sophomore in high school and
for some reason him and his
little friends think college is
some drunken demon hell ride
filled with parties and random
women. They also think that I’m
holding out when I tell them I
have no great, fantastic,
unbelievable stories to share
about college. Basically, you go
to class and you work all week
and at the end of the week there
is a football game. Sprinkle in
some beer every now and then,
and VOILA, that’s college.
I’m sorely disappointed;
college is not turning out to be
the Animal House they think, or,
for that matter, I thought it was
going to be. Where’s the massive
15-kegger house parties, the
massive orgies, the panty raids (I
believe I was promised a panty
raid) or the classic moving of the
provost’s furniture outdoors for
a big school prank?
Hell, I haven’t even seen
Provost Odom's furniture before.
Hell, I haven’t even seen Provost
Odom in a good year, now that I
think about it. I know what most
of you are thinking: We have a
provost? What does he do?
Never mind — here’s another
perfect example of college not
being like the hype; have you
seen the previews to the new Fox
show Undeclared? There is no
college in America like this —
you can believe that. I’ve been in
college for two years now, and
stuff like that doesn’t happen. It’s
not one sex scene right after
another, as the previews would
lead you to believe. Oh, no, quite
the opposite; you’ll probably be
studying physics tonight, not
making out with some really hot
blond chick with big boobs.
While I’m on it, what the hell
is the deal? College needs a lot
more slutty girls. In high school,
there were tons of girls who were
sluts. I say screw recruiting
more National Merit Scholars; I
feel this university needs more
sluts.
By the way, I’d love to kill that
guy who said, “You’ll never be
surrounded again in your life by
so many young, hot, single
women.” Yeah, brother, that
might be true, but half of them
won’t give you the time of day.
Also, after doing some
calculations based on USC’s web
page, there are 3,554 more
females on campus than males.
But, somehow, I know way too
many guys that don’t have
girlfriends. What are you girls
waiting for? Look, ladies, you
better pick one now, while you’re
still in college, because,
unfortunately, this is the cream
of the crop.
Crap, I’m out space for this
week. I could wax philosophical
about this kind of stuff, but I got
to go. At least I didn’t mention
the terrorist attacks.
IN YOUR
OPINION
Lou Holtz should
apologize to USC
I think Lou Holtz should
apologize to USC, and to
others, for coming onto the
field in the first quarter of
the Mississippi State game to
yell at his player, #91.
Let’s put football aside for
a moment and consider Lou
Holtz’s actions: A young
collegian apparently made
an error, so Mr. Holtz
deemed it appropriate to
humiliate him in front of
millions of viewers. Sadly,
nobody seemed to care. Such
despicable coaching
manners are so common
place that the commentators
did not even seem to notice
Mr. Holtz’ horrific temper
tantrum.
Could a university debate
coach get away with this?
How about a music
professor? What would
happen if a math teacher
humiliated a student in front
of just a few of his or her
classmates as Lou Holtz
humiliated this player? I am
sure Coach Holtz is a great
man, and he is undoubtedly
a great coach. However, he’s
great despite his lack of
civility, not because of it. A
great coach does not have to
berate his players.
The rules that apply to the
rest of the University’s
officials need to apply to
football coaches, too.
GREG SMITH, ESQ.
SALT LAKE CITY. UTAH
Columnist’s view
racist, unwelcome
Reading the article, “To
Get Bin Laden, Bomb the
Innocent,” by Taylor
Marshall-Green, in Friday’s
issue of The Gamecock, was
extremely disturbing. His
entire article is focused upon
hateful rhetoric towards
anyone of Arabian decent.
Patriotism for the USA
does not mean the isolation
of an entire group of people
based specifically on their
skin color and ethnicity, yet
lies in us using our collective
energies to overcome this
horrible tragedy. His
“viewpoints” were utterly
tasteless and, to put it
bluntly, were RACIST. If this
journalist doesn’t recognize
it—and obviously he
doesn’t—this article isolates
more than just people of
Arabian background, but
also people of other
nationalities including
many AMERICANS.
Everyone is concerned about
what has happened to our
nation, but hateful rhetoric
vowing reverse acts of
terrorism is not the solution
and only breeds contempt
from those races that were
slandered.
The Gamecock may De a
place where social common
tary is welcomed, but this
was an all-out attack on
anyone who may have ties to
the Middle East. Therefore,
it served no purpose but to
incite racism towards
Innocent people who did not
commit these acts of
terrorism against our
nation. Remember, hate
only breeds ignorance.
CEDRIC WEST
SECOND-YEAR STUDENT.
COLLEGE OK JOURNALISM AND
MASS COMMUNICATIONS
Editor’s Note: Mr. Marshall
Green 's column was meant to
be sarcastic, and we
apologize for any confusion
caused by the piece.
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DARRYL GREEN
DRGREEN22@HOTMAIL.COM
If Jerry Falwell and Pat
Robertson say it’s so, it
must be true.
I’M GOING TO HELL! If I
don’t change my views quickly, I
am going to be kissing the hoof of
the devil himself.
What is my sin? Well, I believe
that women should have the
right to pursue their dreams
without any sort of abatement
whatsoever.
I believe that people should be
treated with respect no matter
what their sexual orientation is.
I believe that it is wrong to
subject the children of Muslims
and atheists to the Ten
Commandments when they go to
public schools. And I believe that
just because a person practices a
religion other than Christianity
does not necessarily doom that
person to hell.
All of these views will send me
straight to hell, according to Pat
Robertson and Jerry Falwell.
They are the two religious
leaders who believe the attacks
on Washington, D.C. and New
York occured because God is
angry with us. They believe