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THE LEADER Sleep tight— Sizemore does If anyone actually believed Sizemore Security’s contention that “inattentive guards” were rare occurrences, today’s front page should be a sobering experience. Students regularly complain about Sizemore guards, and it is time for the university to do something. If nothing else, the university should demand that Sizemore take steps to reform itself. If those steps aren’t taken, the university should cancel the company’s contract. Meanwhile, it is left to the students to pressure the administration to do so. After The university use administrators don’t should demand uve on campus (with the that Sizemore exception of President John take steps to Palms). They have very little reform itself, with incentive to care about the threat Of security on campus, and they canceling the obviously don’t. company’s Ignorance of Sizemore’s contract. Shortcomings are symptomatic of a larger problem with USC’s top brass; they are at best apathetic about the safety of USC students. When complaints about safety in Five Points crop up, administrators fall back on the fact that the popular nightspot is not part of campus. But USCPD has jurisdiction in Five Points; they should use it to better protect students. There are many reforms Sizemore needs to make. For one thing, Sizemore guards should be better paid; even some of the better campus guards ' complain about pay, and their poor salaries likely push some more qualified candidates into other jobs. Sizemore says it’s easier to find employees when the economy is worse. But even good economic times wouldn’t make it harder to find guards if the pay were more attractive. There really is little reason to be concerned about sleeping security guards if they can’t do anything when they’re actually awake. If Sizemore guards were allowed to carry weapons, they’d have more clout with people who want to cause harm to students. It’s a shame that some good security guards will get a bad reputation because of the actions of those who don’t do their jobs. But the time for action has come. For whatever reason these problems have gone unsolved, it is time for USC officials to wake up and pay attention to Sizemore’s Sleeping Soldiers. GAMECOCK CORRECTIONS If you see an error in today’s paper, we want to know. Write us at gamecockviewpoints@hotmail.com. ABOUT THE GAMECOCK Martha Wright CONTACT INFORMATION Editor in Chief Offices on third floor of the Russell House. M Hartnev Editor in Chief: gamecockeditor@hotmail.com University editor University Desk: gamecockudesk@hotmail.com City Desk: gamecockcitydesk@hotmail.com rinnv Thornton Viewpoints: gamecockviewpoints@hotmail.com Asst Univ Editor Spotlight: gamecockmixeditor@hotmail.com Sports: gamecocksports@hotmail.com Victoria Bennett °nline: www.dailygamecock.com The Mix Editor Newsroom: 777-7726 ... ,, The Gamecock is the Asst. The Mix Editor TO PLACE AN AD student newspaper of the The Gamecock University of South Chris Foy 1400 Greene Street Carolina and is published Sports Editor Columbia. SC 29208 Monday. Wednesday and Advertising: 777-3888 Frida7 dur|ng the fall and Preston Baines Classified: 777-1184 sPri"g semesters and nine Asst. Sports Editor Fax:777-6482 times during the summer with the exception of Elizabeth Swartz STUDENT MEDIA university holidays and Online Editor OlUUtWI IVItUlM exam periods. Opinions Erik Collins, Faculty Adviser expressed in The Aaron Hark Ellen Parsons, Director of Gamecock are those of Photo Editor Student Media the editors or author and Susan King, Creative not those of the University GregHambrlck Director of South Carolina. The City & State Editor Carolyn Griffin, Business Board of Student Manager Publications and Brandon Larrabee Sarah Sims, Advertising Communications is the Viewpoints Editor Manager publisher of The Sherry F. Holmes, Classified Gamecock. The Page Designers Manager Department of Student Crystal Dukes, Katie Media is the newspaper s Smith. Rick Johnstpn, Creative Services parent organization David Stagg Todd Hooks, Martin Gamecock is supported in Salisbury, Beju Shah part by student activities Community Affairs feea- 0n« "j* C0W Per Betsy Baugh, Karen Advertising Staff reader. Additional copies Yjp Betsy Baugh, Caryn may be purchased for one Barowsky, Denise Levereaux, dollar each from the Copy Editors Jackie Rice, Stacey Todd Department of Student Crystal Boyles, Jason Media. Harmon, Jill Martin, Carolyn Rowe }C&L acJI - P»F«L'MQ \Q(o7 A^m^fTsow? ALASKA PURCHASE DpSnS?^i-RAPlT TREATY ANYMORE,so OeCiDED lo SCRAP lT* WERE SCRAPPitvG IT. oB^rr-weHAVe PLeAse evacuate AM\5SiLesS\eLD immeDiATaur—■ xiio iSrSjn eUP THeRes A WiLDUFe tJ?edS=t REFuee THeRe we TO ERfiCT* INTEND Tt> PRoTeCT. - * ' • , The jackass in USC parking DARRYL GREEN DRGREEN22@HOTMAIL.COM Parking mess shows university doesn’t care about students. The following is a re-enactment of a conversation that took place a few years ago. It was a disturbing discourse that occurred between two distinguished gentlemen. The first is the staff member in university parking. Out of my utmost respect for him, I will not use his real name. Instead, we will refer to him as “That Jackass in University Parking.” The other participant in this conversation is the Jackass’ friend. Out of our utmost respect for him, I will not use , his real name either. Instead, we will refer to him as “Jackass’ friend.” He is the voice of reason in the conversation. First, let me give you some background information. This conversation took place at a time of peace and tranquility at the university. Aaliyah was alive. The cafeteria food was disgustingly normal. And all the stressed-out students at the University of South Carolina had ample parking spaces. Life was good. That is, until this conversation took place. Here goes... JACKASS: I am the genius of the 20th century. I have devised a splendid plan to make all USC students suffer. It’s perfect, I tell you, perfect! It’s a plan so evil that I can barely keep my drawls on, although I will for embarrassment’s sake. I will make the students at USC pay for trying to better themselves and make more money than my minimum-wage-making ass. JACKASS’ FRIEND: How? How are you going to do that, Jackass? JACKASS: Simple. I’m going to slowly remove every parking space on this campus until there are none left. I’m going to start with those parking spaces that surround the Russell House. I am going to replace that area with grass. Then, I’m going to take away the parking lot outside of the library. I’m going to replace that area with grass as well. I will tell them that I’m “beautifying” the campus. Sooner or later, I will take away every parking space on this campus. JACKASS’ FRIEND: But, Jackass, won’t that make it harder for students to park? JACKASS: That’s the whole idea, my boy. The harder it is for them to park, the harder it is for them to get to class on time, which makes it harder for them to learn, pass classes and graduate. JACKASS’ FRIEND: But, Jackass, isn’t that the point of college? JACKASS: Not at this university. Students don’t count here. They are merely tuition-payers. They are small time. I’m the big jackass on campus! I swear, there is no bigger jackass than me! JACKASS’ FRIEND: I must tell you, Jackass, I don’t approve of your handling of the parking situation. JACKASS: Silence! I have already made up my mind. I am JACKASS, king of all jackasses! Bigger than Robert Downey Jr. Bigger than Gary Condit. Bigger than George Bush. My sole purpose in life is to make students miserable, and I take my work very seriously. Who is Jackass? Well, I’m not going to reveal my sources. But he does exist. And he is a jackass. He is a world-class jackass. Whoever it was that decided students don’t need adequate parking is in desperate need of brain surgery. With classes and part time jobs, the last thing we students need to worry about is parking. If the purpose of this institution is to provide higher education, what better way to do that than to ensure that students get to class promptly? That means having more understanding professors. That means having a better Shuttlecock busing system. And that means providing decent parking for every student that attends this university. With our ever increasing tuition, don’t we deserve better parking? IN YOUR OPINION Humans invaders cause attacks I find it distressing that a paper of such high journalistic integrity, The Gamecock, could become a mouthpiece for the interests of big business. It appears that one of your sharpest minds, Mr. Kale, like most of the national news sources, has been either bought off or deluded by the mighty swimming pool industry (“Hoping we don’t look like a meal,” Sept. 7). His suggestion that humans don't belong in the ocean is actually the very philosophy that drives the business of swimming pool manufacturers and distributors worldwide. So sad to see the truth averted for the sake of money. Shame on you. Would you like to hear the real reason shark attacks are on the rise on our beautiful [ • Atlantic seaboard? There are the same number of hungry sharks out there as there have ever been; however, there are ever increasing numbers of anthropoids flooding their in-shore feeding ranges. Rich Yankee babies building their second and third homes up and down Southern beaches, and local Southern governments encouraging such beachfront blasphemy for the sake of tax revenue. Maybe sharks just have a taste for the bratwurst-and-cheese steaks that flavor these porky invaders. I would also like to thank Mr. Kale for his piece. Every clown driven from the beach by the nature of the beach itself is a step in the right direction. Swimming in the ocean is about as close to reunion with God as living man can get, and I would deprive no one of that pleasure, but if for some reason, like, say, fear of sharks, they are kept away, I say that is a good thing. So, in support of pool companies everywhere, buy a pool, bathe in that chemical soup till your hair turns green, do it for your own safety, good God man, do it for the safety of your kids, but most importantly, do it to clean up the beach. JOSEPH WHEELER FOURTH-YEAR STUDENT. COLLEGE OF JOURNALISM AND MASS COMMUNICATIONS Submission Policy Letters to the editor or guest columns are welcome from the Carolina community. Letters should be 250-300 words. Guest columns should be about 600 words. Both must include name, phone number, professional title or year and major, if a student. Deliver handwritten submissions to Russell House room 333, or send e-mail to gamecockviewpoints@hotmail.com. The Gamecock reserves the right to edit for libel, style and space. Anonymous letters will not be published. Photos are required for guest columnists and can be provided by the submitter. Call 777-7726 for more information. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. IN THE GAMECOCK. VIEWPOINTS. LET EVERYONE KNOW THE SCORE. What your car says about you CHARLES PRASHAW CPRASHAW@YAHOO.COM The difference between Beamers, Lexuses and Dodge conversion vans. All right, I hope after reading this column that a lot more people will appreciate the cars they drive. One of the most annoying things to me is a 19-year-old kid driving a brand-new, cherry-red BMW convertible. Usually, that same kid is driving that brand new Beamer 20 mph over the speed limit and changing lanes without much regard for who’s behind him. What is wrong with parents today? Why would you buy a college student a car like that? Anytime I see some kid driving around campus with a car of that caliber, I think to myself, “What a pussy.” This is obviously some kid whose parents do everything for him. I remember last year there was some little shit living in Capstone who drove a mint ’69 Stingray Corvette. I was surprised that this guy could find a car that looked that sweet. t _x i.x_: 1i xx 1 „ uui mu iuu j uu 111 11 u iiiuu secret: what kind of car you drive tells a lot about you as a person. Example: some guy cuts me off, almost hitting the front of my car, driving a fairly new Lexus. Do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to flip him off, hang my head out the window and cuss him for all he’s worth. That Lexus driver won’t do shit to me. A different guy driving a ’78 brown Dodge conversion van does the same thing. You know what I’m going to do? Not a damn thing — a guy driving a ’78 Dodge van has nothing left to lose. That cat will run you off the road, kill you, roll you up in a carpet and throw you from the Blossom Street bridge. If you’re riding around town in a ’78 Dodge van, life has dealt you a bad hand and you are a very, very angry man. I, myself, drive a piece-of-shit blue 1985 Chevy two-door Blazer. If there were a contest for the biggest piece-of-junk car at USC, I seriously doubt anyone could top my Blazer. If South Carolina still did vehicle inspections, I’m not even sure if the Blazer would pass the test. The Blazer, or “the beast” as I sometimes refer to it, has no front bumper, the windshield is cracked all over the passenger side and rust and Bondo litter the side of it. The door locks are missing on i both doors, and I have to crawl through the back hatch to get in it if I want to lock my car. The engine has 200,000-plus miles, and the oil stick is missing, so plumber’s putty covers the hole where it should be. One of the headlights is held in place by nylon string. When you drive a $100 car, you’re not really afraid of wrecking it. If someone tailgates me, I don’t give any second thought about slamming on my squeaky brakes. If someone pulls out in front of me, I swear to God, I’ll plow right over their ass. Also, you don’t drive fast when you drive a car like mine. The Blazer’s engine is like a 70-year- * old man’s heart. You don’t want to give it any surprises or any unusual stress. Hilly streets like Pickens are always best avoided. My dad suggests I fix the beast up, but I don’t see the point. It would take so much money, I might as well buy a newer car. It needs about $2,000 in body work, about $500 in engine work, another $500 in interior work and $100 for a new speaker system. I don’t know, if I’m going to drive a piece of shit, I might as well go alhout, right?