The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, January 12, 2000, Page B2, Image 14
Gamecock Sports
Singleton's top ten sports quotes of the 20th century
S|H A WN
Singleton
Singleton 3:16
WARNING- this work ofhterature has been rated NC-17 by
the National Organization for Women. It may contain foul lan
guage, strong sexual content and slight sexism. Reader discre
tion is advised.
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages.
It is my pleasure to welcome, for the first time this century, the
only man at USC who always paints towns red and women white,
even if they’re black, Shawn Singleton.” (“Notorious” by Du
ran Duran plays in the background.)
Thank you, announcer girl, for replacing announcer boy
while he is on his trip to New York. Now give me my money
and bounce on a trampoline. (Audience erupts in laughter and
applause).
After a long, biff refreshing holiday, the 21st century fox
has returned, more clever than ever, to give the good readers
out there my take on the world of sports.
With this being the turn of the century, I have seen a pletho
ra of top 10 lists of things from the 20th century. Of course, it
ain’t no fun unless the 3-1-6 gets some, so on that note, here
are the top 10 greatest sports quotes of the 20th century.
10. Tve never shaken hands with a murderer before.’’ -
An anonymous woman after getting O.J. Simpson’s auto
graph. Hey, give her credit, at least she knew something about
sports.
9. “Well, I guess sex is out of the question.” - Charles
Barkley, at his retirement press conference. You’re right, Charles.
No female groupies for you anymore. Why do you think women
come to NBA games anyway?
8. “I ain’t got no quarrel with the Viet Cong. They never
called me ‘rigger.’”- Muhammad Ali, when asked why he would
not fight in Vietnam. In a social context, Ali might have been
the greatest athlete in history, with Jackie Robinson and Jesse
Owens fighting for second place.
7. “Women should be in the kitchen cooking and taking
care of their babies.”- A blanket statement nonetheless, but this
one is attributed to former Wimbledon champion and busi
nessman Bobby Riggs in reference to Billie Jean King in a press
conference the day before their classic “Battle of the Sexes”
tennis match. Are you sure you were actually referring to Bil
lie Jean King, Bobby?
6. “It was just a case of temporary insanity.” - Brandi Chas
tain’s explanation for taking off her shirt after her game-win
ning goal in last year’s Wbmen’s Wbrld Cup final. Jared Kelowitz
was right; maybe they should all play topless.
My Australian women’s soccer team calendar is in the mail
as we speak, which means Brandi is in dire need of implants to
compete with these girls.
5. “Imagine having to take the No.7 train to the ballpark,
looking like you’re [riding through] Beirut next to some kid
with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to
some dude who just got out ofjail far the fourth time, right next
to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.” - By
now, I don’t have to say who said this. All I will say is that’s At
lanta for you. I call “B.S.” on the famous William Hartsfield
quote that dubbed Atlanta as “the city too busy to hate.”
Rocker should be out of the league, but this is the South, and
you redneck Braves fans probably think otherwise. I think he
was spotted at that Confederate flag rally last Saturday in Co
lumbia. * ,
4. “If that crazy offense works, I’ll take all the football I
ever learned and throw it into the Pacific Ocean.” - Glenn “Pop”
Warner, on Stafford coach Clark Shaugnessy’s T-formaiion.
Shaugnessy later taught this offense to George Halas, and the
Chicago Bears would go on to rule the NFL in the 1940’s. The
T-formation is the ancestor of what is now the Wfest Coast of
fense.
3. “Win one far the Gipper.”- Notre Dame legend Knute
Rockne, in a pregame speech to his players before the 1927 Rose
Bowl. George Gipp was an end for the Irish who died the
night before the game, and the Norwegian-born Rockne used
that as motivation for his players to win.
2. “I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the
earth.”- Lou Gehrig, during a tearful retirement speech on Ju
ly 4,1939, ending his streak of 2,130 consecutive games and
leaving him seven home runs short of 500 for his career.
The streak began with Wally Pipp’s headache, allowing
Gehrig to start at first base, and ended with amyotrophic later
al sclerosis, the disease that now bears his name, and the one
that took his life two years later at the age of 38.
Before I unveil the number one greatest quote in sports
history, 1 would like to say a couple of things. I chose this quote
not because of the foul language or the shock value. The
shock value lies in who said the quote.
Now, without further delay, the No. 1 greatest quote in
sports history is...
1. “I don’t really care too much for today’s NBA players.
To me, they’re just a bunch of faking a**holes.”- Michael
Jordan said this in describing that crybaby thug bitch Allen Iver
son, and to be honest, he is exactly right. Iverson is everything
that is wrong with sports in general, not just basketball.
The NBA is nothing more than a bunch of overpaid thugs
who would be doing a 20-to-life bid in prison if not for that
bouncing leather ball. It is the least fan-friendly of all the pro
fessional sports and the one in which you see the most prob
lems. The NBA truly does stand for “Nothing But A**holes.”
There you have it. Tune in next time, as we’ll see more girls
on trampolines and I will attempt to drown myself. You should
try this at home.
Three Gamecock football players sign with Synergy Sports
Sports Roundup
Gamecock Sports
Football
Three USC football players have signed with Synergy
Sports International, a full service sports management firm
headquartered in Columbia. Linebackers John Abraham and
Corey Atkins, who combined to lead the Southeastern Con
ference in tackles in 1999, as well as All-American free
safety Arturo Freeman recently signed contracts and will
begin preparing for the NFL draft on April 15.
“These athletes are clearly the top three pro
prospects coming out of USC this year, and we’re thrilled
they’ve signed with Synergy,” said Brantley Evans, CEO of
Synergy Sports. “Now, we’re focusing all of their efforts
on physical training in preparation for team tryouts.”
Rated as one of the country’s best defensive players in
1999, Abraham, 6-foot-4, 250 pounds, dominated USC’s
defense this season with 60 tackles, five for a loss, six sacks,
one fumble recovery and five forced fumbles.
The Ummonsville, S.C., native was chosen to play Jan.
22 in the Delchamps Senior Bowl in Mobile, Ala., foot
ball’s premier pre-draft event featuring the country’s best
senior collegiate football players and top NFL prospects.
Freeman, also selected for the Senior Bowl, was one of
USC’s top defensive players with 34 tackles, two broken
up passes and two forced fumbles. The 6-foot-1,196 pound
free safety from Orangeburg, S.C., was chosen as a Play
boy All-American for his past two seasons.
Greenville native Atkins, 6-foot-1,227 pounds, played
Christmas Day in the Blue/Gray Bowl in Montgomery, Ala.
This season, Atkins recorded one interception, two broken
up passes, one fumble recovery and had 104 total tackles.
Synergy Sports represents more than 25 collegiate
and professional athletes and coaches, including Philadel
phia Eagles running back Duce Staley, San Diego Charg
ers running back Natrone Means, St. Louis Rams defensive
back Dre Bly and Buffalo Bills cornerback Thomas
Smith.
The USC football program was recently rewarded as
being the 13th-best program nationally in home football at
tendance. However, longtime rival Clemson University
has negated that claim, stating they’re ranked No. 13.
USC compiled an 0-11 record while holding the na
tion’s longest losing streak and were recognized by Street
and Smith’s magazine as being No. 13. Clemson was ranked
No. 16.
But, the NCAA attendance figures show Clemson, who
finished 6-6 after a 3-8 season in 1998, as No. 13 and USC
as No. 14.
One reason for the two different figures might be
how attendance is computed. Both schools count the num
ber of tickets sold as the official attendance, not the num
ber of seats filled. Also, Clemson supposedly adjusts the
capacity of Memorial Stadium after every home game.
The University of Michigan finished first in both pub
lications, averaging more than 100,000 fans at every home
game.
Freshman nose tackle Joe Don Jordan is planning to
transfer from USC to a Division I-AA school instead of re
joining the team this spring. Jordan wants to concentrate
on academics and said football didn’t figure in his decision.
Jordan joins T. J. Hines as the only two players not re
turning to the team. Hines transferred to Florida A&M Uni
versity earlier this year.
Tennis
The USC men’s and women’s tennis teams are both
ranked in the preseason Top 25, according to the Intercol
legiate Tennis Association.
The men’s team is ranked No. 15, while the women’s
team is No. 13. Carolina’s men’s singles are led by junior
Guillame Legat, in 21st place.
Also in the rankings are freshmen Robert Steckley, 31st,
senior Jerome Jourdan, 37th, and senior Olof Akesson, 64th.
Steckley made an impressive leap going from 98th to 31 st.
The women’s doubles had two sets in the rankings.
Sophomores Katarina Markovski and Jennifer Radman
are in 14th place, while Leigh Eichelbetger and Lynn-Yin
Tan are tied for 42nd place.
On the singles side, the trio of sophomores resided in
the Top 100. Markovski led the USC women in 25th place.
Her doubles partner, Radman, made the biggest jump
from 82nd to 48th place.
The men’s team will play Jan. 21-24 at the SEC Indoor
Championships in Alabama. The women’s team will be back
in action Feb. 9 against Furman at the Sam Daniel Tennis
Center.
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Sign up in the Office of Campus Recreation
202 Blatt PE Center
Call 777-5261 for more information
www. sa. sc.edu/pecenter/im.htm
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Entries close Thursday, January 13th
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