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"15 Servin Lee Clontz, Editor in Chief EdH Erin Galloway, Wendy Hudsi Jimmy DeButts, Ryan Wilsor Telemarkt goverame: Ring! Ring, ring! "Hello?" "Hi! Mr. John Doe? Can I ha "This is JIM Doe, and it s 7:3 "Yes, Mr. Doe!! How would 3 the comfort of your own home?" "Who is this? What are you t There are very few people wl ing at odd hours of the morning periods of time and refusing to id government is planning to regul in America's ears. Callers would be limited to h 9 at night. It would be nice if the but often government must take Callers also would have to ide let the telemarketing victim kn people know who is calling at oc start boycotting to let businesses Marketers also will have to s This would prevent scams wher end up touring new housing deve car. Phone lines are a means of cc medium for advertisers. People 1 on the radio or pick up a magazi 1 i ii 1 nowev?r. T" "iZY. cr tne pnone \ people are trapped listening to r and hang up in the middle of a s Some telemarketers even tak if the person had already agreed phone thinking they have effect get a package of mail-order junk It's good the government ha? marketers. Their line into Amer TVisvid In the 1920s, a Russian phys cist named Vladimir Zworykin ii vented the forerunner of the m? em picture tube, which allowed pi tures to be transmitted over rad waves. If he had known what n suits this picture tube would brin he would have had a heart attac nght there on the spot. Television today is like goin through the buffet line at Quincy ? some of if s good, some of it woul gag a maggot. I have outlined fc you what I consider the best an worst of the items in the buffet Hr of brain food known as televisioi First, my least favorite showi The Ricki Lake Show"?Th has got to be the biggest waste < videotape since the last Barne home video. She finds people wh know less about morals and valut than Roseanne and puts them o television to help "solve their pro! lems." These people have more pro! lems than could be solved in an hoi by someone who probably couldn get a job doing anything beside putting smut on television, and a audience made up of people wh have nothing better to do than si there and listen to people screar olnnt TK11., T auuui yviiuoc man JJinj uuc Ociil. my Jack is. "Friends" ? If I wanted t hear bad sex jokes, I would go fin the millions of Andrew Dice Cla records in the bargain bin at an record store. Although the wome on the show are cute, I shudder t think that the rest of America think this is what the new generation i like. "Family Matters" ? I wis Laura's dad would practice som police brutality on Urkel. Urkel wa annoying from the beginning, an the writers have been beating thi into the ground like Energizer wit the stupid pink rabbit. "Saved By the Bell"?If Za ck Morris went to a real high schot with real kids, his behind woul have been cut faster than a dee runs when he sees a pickup with gun rack. It also scares me to thin this is considered top entertainmer by many of today's teen-ager (yeeesh!). "Baywatch" ? I've read be fore that this is considered the mos popular show in the world. If th entire world thinks this is wha Americans are like, no wonder ther are so many foreign countries tha *X5aiffeock I Student Media Russell House-USC? Let Clonti S?an Goodwin Editor in Chief Allison Williams Chris Muldrow Features Editors Viewpoints Editor Jimmy DeButts Carson Henderson Ry>" Wilson Radhlka Taiwan! Sports Editors Copy Desk Chiefs Ethan Myers on Erin Galloway Ryan Sims Wendy Hudson Graphics Editors News Editors Gregory Perez Kim Truett Design Editor Photo Editor Jason Jeffers Cartoonist The Gamecock is the student newspaper of it University of South Carolina and is published Monda Wednesday and Friday during the fall and spring seme ters, with the exception of university holidays and exa periods. Opinions expressed in The Gamecock are those of tl editors or author and not those of the University < South Carolina. Thi anracR g use Since J 908 Chris Muldrow, Viewpoints Editor :orlal Board an, Susan Goodwin, Allison Williams, i, Carson Henderson, Radhika Talwani iters need nt regulation ve a few moments of your time?" 0 in the morning. Can I help you? rou like to make hundreds of dollars in tying to sell?" 10 like the sound of a telemarketer callor night, staying on the phone for long [entify their affiliations. Fortunately, the late the annoying ring of telemarketers tours after 8 in the morning and before s "window of opportunity" were smaller, t small steps before big leaps, ntify themselves. This stipulation would ow who is assaulting; maybe if enough Id hours and harassing them, they will 3 know telemarketing isn't appreciated. 3ay whether they are selling anything, "e people are offered trips or prizes and ilopments or being solicited to buy a new jmmunication, but they should not be a lan choose to watch the television, turn ine or newspaper. People are obligated, vhen it rings. Once they're on the line, marketers unless thev decide to be rude entence. e the tactic of talking to their victims as [ to buy. Many people have hung up the ively avoided buying anything, only to a few weeks later. i decided to hang up the phone on teleica's homes needs to be cut. eo buffet r drew f stewart . Columnist " H ' \ 1 have flag burnings and president* cussings every day. If you're going to hire good-looking actors, at least f make sure their IQ matches that 8 of Forrest Gump. ,d Now on with my favorite shows: >r m ??Phe Simpsons" ? Despite " the fact the Fox network only shows ie a new episode about once every three 1* years, these shows never seem to s; get any less funny. Now that they 18 come on seven days a week, I had to quit my job to watch them. My y car may not be insured, but I at least get to laugn at tiart s antics 58 each week. n "The Dukes of Hazzard" ? > Comedy at its finest The clean, slap> stick humor was enough to keep ^ Summerton (pop. 974 ? we lost t one) laughing on Friday nights for 18 years. One of my ambitions is to n own a car that looks like the Gen0 eral Lee one of these days. it "The Armchair Quarterbacks" n (WCFG) ? Putting the fact that I l* work for the show aside, this has got to be by far the funniest sports 0 magazine show on the face of the d earth. Where else can you see y wrestlers rubbing the face of their y opponents in their partner's armpit n and the Sportin' Fool rattle on about o the Denver Broncos at the same b time. s "Seinfeld"?This has got to be the most off-the-wall program h on TV. Jerry, my John Deere hat e goes off to you. (By the way, if any is of your 19-year-old girlfriends have d any twin sisters, tell them to write s me courtesy of The Gamecock.) h >"Hee Haw"?So what if those jokes were worse than the smell of i- a gutted deer, the country music >1 was some of the finest you will ever d see anywhere. And besides, the i women on tnat snow maKe tne a women on "Baywatch" look like conk struction workers, it And that is it. Hopefully, the s people of America will have enough sense to demand the disposal of the s- shows I have listed as bad and the it creation of shows like the ones I e have listed as my favorites. Hey! it We put the Republicans back in e power, didn't we? it Drew Stewart is broadcasting ___ Chris Carroll ews: / / /- / /ZD Director of Student Media dvertising: 777-4249 Laura Day \X.: 777-6482 Creative Director Columbia, SC 29208 Tleffa Harper Elizabeth Thomas Tl?n" MK?rgan Adv. Graduate Asst. Asst. News ? James Ponce Renee Gibson Asst. Photo Marketi ng Director Ben Pillow Christopher Wood Stephanie Scnnenfeld Asst. Advertising Asst .Features Manager Larry Williams Erik Collins Kelth^Boudreaux FacultyAdvisor Circulation Editor Letters Policy le The Gamecock will try to print all letters received, y Letters should be 200-250 words and must include full s. name, professional title or year and major if a student. m Letters must be personally delivered by the author to The Gamecock newsroom in Russell House room 333. re The Gamecock reserves the right to edit all letters for ?f style, possible libel or space limitations. Names will not i be withheld under any circumstances. /< I Sv r , Kt * Wi r<y/, fiH <4/% lf\ Quon Uhouoti "We want to encourage all el Preventing Thieves, muggers shudder at threat of Beardman plan Lee, our esteemed and wise editor, has had bad week. Over the weekend, someone stole hi bike. Someone else broke into his car and knocke one of his speakers into his trunk; apparently hi speakers were wired so horrendously that th thief thought he was robbing from some psyche pathic electrician who'd chase him with a solder : 1 r x -1 nig iron lor tne resi 01 ms aays. What Lee didn't have was the Beardman Guid to Avoiding Having All your Stuff Taken, Brokei or Otherwise Screwed Around With. This guid will ensure that all of your stuff will be where yoi left it, unblemished and happy. In fact, peopl who follow the guide carefully will have potentia thieves washing their cars, not stealing them First, you've got to protect your bicycle. M; front-line tactic is to lock my bike next to a $2,00i Icelandic Blue Cannondale with megasuper tire and the Rally Funpac. You've seen bikes like this around campus they're the ones that look nicer than your car I figure any respectable thief will compare m; bike and the nicer bike and concentrate his or he energy on the more expensive prize. My second line of defense is a lock. I carry on of those chains ships use to hold their anchors Criticisms of a For the past two weeks, I have been writing 01 the abortion issue. This week, I am going to wraj up this discussion. I feel compelled to deal with fal sities people use to criticize my views on abortion Some people charge that if one of my loved ones faced an unwanted pregnancy, my views on abor tion would change. IVe heard this line before; Pres ident Bush and Vice President Quayle faced th< same charge. Here's my response. None of these "loved ones would have an abortion as a means of birth control Since I am not married, do not have a daughter an( am only dating at this point in time, you may won der how I can be so sure. Simple. Let's take my future girlfriend (hopefully th< very near future!): (1) I believe in sexual responsi bility and thus am waiting until marriage for th< "sex" thing, and (2) though I am friends with peo pie of all political persuations, I only date someons who has similar values to me, i.e., she would noi be a left-wing fanatic. Next, my future daughter (1) She would be raisec by loving Christian parents who believe in the val ue of life. That's enough reason(s) for me. Finally my sister: (1) like me, she respects human life, i.e. she's pro-life. One final point here: A serious oversight was committed (common among liberals) in reference to an "unwanted pregnancy." I understand thai some individuals may not want the pregnancy, bul many of us don't share that view. To us it would be a "pleasant" surprise. Ideally, my future wife and I would carefullj plan when to have our first child and any subse quent children. If one comes along earlier than planned, then we will adjust our lives to meet the needs of our son or daughter. To treat him or her with such disrespect is, in a word, "evil." I supposed that's where neglected and abusec SITS Friday, February 10,1994 I 1 a /^tCVn I -* tudents to get out and get involved in the man Jacqueline Rice, RHA crime takes CHRIS MULDROW Viewpoints Editor Mlk/ It's a bit heavy, but it'd take a thief with a hac a saw an entire undergraduate career to chew throuj a chain link. I also have a special saddle that only lets n butt print activate the bike. e If your butt print doesn't match, the saddle di ( integrates and you...well, you get intimate wil the seat post. I value my car even more than my bike, so I' e careful about its safety. You know those engii cutoff switches a few people have to keep thiev e from starting cars? I have a rolling chain hoist my apartment, so I just lug my engine inside eve: e night. If someone tries to break my windows in n | car, they'll meet with more resistance than th< ' bargained for. 0 That's because my windows are made of e: s ploding glass, not safety glass. One swing of that sledgehammer, and the thi will be showered with glassy shards of deatl If the thief gets past the windows, he's got 1 ^ deal with my special anti-theft radio with the pli j. tumum insert. The thief might get the radio, but hell be ste e ile in a couple of years. , I've also adopted a trick from a friend in hif school and glued razor blades on the underside bortion oppone - TOMMY TOUCHBERRY ? children come into the picture. If the parents di: like their child that much, then Newt's orphanag " program sounds pretty useful. There's also the ado] tion option. Nonetheless, my VIEWS would NO I change because my convictions are very deep. I ai nnt. wishv-wnshv lilrp nnr nroaiHont I also seek to defend the term "abortion on d< ; mand." I defined what this term means last weel In layman's terms, "abortion on demand" is aboi , tions sought as a means of birth control. [ In other words, said woman (or teen-age gir , concejves a child that she didn't plan for or expe< ^ (usually as a result of unprotected "promiscuous sex). This said person then frantically goes to he I neighborhood Hanned Parenthood clinic. Someon much like Dr. Jocelyn Elders then tells her to g< over her love affair with her fetus and have an aboi ' tion. In maybe half the cases, she has the abortior later regrets it and becomes pro-life. In the othe half of cases (44 percent to be exact) she has th abortion, continues to be irresponsible sexually an ' has another abortion. This type of person has n apparent conscious and doesn't learn the first tim ! that her actions (and his) were irresponsible; thu the cycle of "abortion on demand" gets rolling. I must now put a wrap on this discussion. I wis! I had more space because I have a lot more to saj 1 but I don't. I hope my raising this issue has bee] 1 educational for all of you. There is a lot to be learn? about this and any important issue. I invite you t always voice your opinion (even if you disagree wit] l? 3 I I J X WANT TO ORDER A PIZZA FOR MY USC CADETS ANDI WANT IT HCW| YOU G.OT FIVE... , FOUR...THREE... ^ _ J f I iV^-3 \ 1 rthon and promote the Carolina spirit" preparation the radio. ]It's admittedly a bit difficult for me to change the radio when I buy a new one (since my car eats radios for lunch) but it keeps sticky fingers away from my tunes, k- Did I mention Bob, the armed guard in the rU - j11 trunk'/ WoY Well, take a note not to try to steal ^ my toolbox, burglar-boy. Bob's waiting for you. For my personal safety, I've learned several is- martial arts, none of which I can pronounce or th perform correctly. My body, like Barney Fife's, is a deadly weapon. What I do if robbed or mugged ie is strip off my shirt, flex my muscles and wait for es the thief to fall on the floor laughing. As they in chuckle the last chuckle, I grab whatever weapon ^ they threatened me with and turn the tides. I steal more wallets that way. iy ,y I also walk around heavily armed. I carry a Swiss Army knife with corkscrew and one of those x" Super Soaker water guns with the dual water ^ tanks. I also wield a mean pen, which has proven ^ mightier than my sword many times, to If my weapons and self-defense classes don't n- work, I just start reciting random passages from my new book, "A Day in the Life of the Beardman." Death by boredom might seem harsh, but rh it's the only guaranteed weapon I have, of Chris Muldrow's credit line has been stolen. nts unfounded -i Furthermore, this issue Is not a malefemale power Issue; It Is an Issue of whether our Inalienable rights In this J society begin at birth, conception or somewhere In between. 3 ;e me). It is the American way. ^ In conclusion, I would like to say that I believe n "abortion on demand" is morally wrong. My religious beliefs have a major impact on my views, but I believe above all else for society to survive we must? r_ always oppose laws that infringe on the rights toH life. Until solid medical evidence proves that con? ception doesn not occur at conception (oxymoron),? ,? I will oppose using abortion as a means of birth con? sr trol. I do not oppose the rights of women; I am an ad? r_ vocate of "equal opportunity" for all. Furthermore? this issue is not a male-female power issue; it is an? ^ issue of whether our inalienable rights in this so? e ciety begin at birth, conception or somewhere in be? d tween. I hope that each and every person that is read? s ing this will go beyond the slogans and challenge^! their beliefs about the value of life. Remember? L Every person is in the womb before they are borr? I ! n a citizen of the United States. Every American de^H d serves the right to the "pursuit of life, liberty anc? ^ happiness." Tommy Touchberry is a marketing senior?