The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, February 12, 1993, Page 12, Image 12
UNC? told
First off, I would like to apologize
to all of you loyal readers who
could not find last Friday's installment
of the Fool. Unfortunately,
The Gamecock got a sudden attack
of morals and decided that, darn it,
I'm just not a nice guy. Oh well, on
with the carnage.
First on the blocks are the North
Carolina Tarheads and all of their
stupid, loser, Ernest & Julio Gallodrinking,
brie-eating, no-cheering,
chowderhead fans.
I found it personally satisfying |
that this wonderful sports staff t
(Fool included) was the first group
In naiRl?r?K/ froeh thp 'HaoHc
IV7 pUUHVl J UUOll U1V 1 1VUUO. wJUlV, ^
we got letters from a bunch of ,
dopey North Carolina fans. They j
even said a few things about me (
that weren't too polite.
Well, who's laughing now, 4
baby? \
The Tarheads proved us right by |
going out and getting their big blue <
butts kicked by Wake Forest. As if (
that wasn't enough, they got beaten v
by Duke (a vastly inferior team,
right UNC fans?) in their next f
game. The only way they could get |
a victory was to beat up on hapless t
N.C. State. I
I guess that shows you punks |
who wrote in, doesn't it? Maybe j
you should find a real team to pull \
for, especially if you are going to prematurely
boast about them. As .
usual, UNC will gel bounced from ,
the NCAA Tourney before the .
round of eight. Way to go, Dean. ,
You're so great with your one (
/>Kamr\i/xnchm on?l oil
viicuiipiwiioiii^ anu tin.
And now to a happier subject.
Since Valentine's Day is coming
up, I thought I would spread a little
love with another installment of the
Foolies. Why? I don't know.
Maybe all this love in the air has
mellowed me. Yeah, right.
First up, Allan Houston. Yep, the
guy I wrote such nice things about
Wednesday. Can you say choke,
Allan? Sure you can, and you did
many times Wednesday night. For
your superior free-throw shooting
down the stretch, you win tire Halls
Mentholyptus Throat Lozenge
Choke of the Week Award.
The Buffalo Bills are the recipients
of two special Foolies for their
humiliation at the hands of the
Cowboys. First, they get the All- r
State (leave it to the good hands A
people) Foolie for their case of
fumblitis in the Super Bowl, j
Second, they also get the Maxwell (
House "Good to die last DROP"
Foolie. Each of these awards comes t
equipped with a special handle and 2
handcuffs, so you will be sure not j
to drop them on your way out the
door.
r
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DATE: Feb
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you so...
Ihhhhih^H^I^^HHII
TIM THORSEN
The MedAlert (I've fallen and I
op? nrvl Fnnlin onp? In lim
'Achy Breaky Leg" Kelly. Get
veil soon, Jim ? just not by next
gear's Super Bowl.
And we can't forget the
Cowboys. Super Bowl MVP Troy
'I really do talk like this" Aikman
>ets die Ken Hatfield Redneck-ofhe-Week
Foolie.
The first Michael
^pinks/Campbell's Soup Tomato
?an Foolie goes to Michael Dokes,
vho gave his best impersonation of
'Buster" Douglas in the fight this
>ast Saturday. I've seen better
ights at the Coliseum when all
hose bumbkins lined up for Garth
3rooks tickets
And the Amazing Discoveries
7oolie for the TV show that is the
biggest waste of prime-time hours,
rhe NHL All-Star Game gets this
tward. Did anyone actually watch
his game? I was actually pretty
mgry since the game interfered
vith my Saturday favorite, the
Torgeous Ladies Of Wrestling
[GLOW).
Finally, the Andrew "Dice" Clay
^oolie for mastery of all four-letter
inglish language words goes to
*ick Pitino. Yo, Rick, your mamria
let you eat with a mouth like
hat? In related matters, all
Kentucky games have been rated
^C-17 by the Motion Picture
\ssociation of America for those
fitting at courtside.
I And now for a little Fool Logic,
[f Atlanta loses the World Series
tgain this year, will they finally
;hange their nickname to somehing
a little less offensive, like the
3ills? We know the Bills aren't
)ffensive at all.
Also, if the Buffalo Bills were in
i Super Bowl and the NFC decided
lot to send a representative, who
vould win?
In addition, did somebody switch
immy Johnson's Brilcream with
?razy Glue before the Super Bowl?
Finally, with all the changes in
he Gamecock basketball program,
ire they now getting paid by the
lour?
Scholarship Mc
Scholarships Grants Work-study
Most have: No GPA
No Proo
No Age
As much as $6.6 billion in student
foundations goes unclaimed becau:
exists, or how to apply for it. For a
College Mon
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Graniteville,
Lizafcl's
E> inner
Country Fried Steak
Mashed Potatoes & Gravy Xi
Green Beans
Macaroni & Cheese
Cornbread & Iced Tea
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iglsifPyS
mms*
ruary 10, 11, 12 TIME: 1(
SC Bookstore DEPOSIT:
Armchair
By ROB RODUSKY
Assistant Sports Editor
The intro hits you like a knockout
punch.
"Live from the WUSC studios
in the scenic, beautiful Russell
House in the heart of downtown
Columbia. It's The Armchair
Quarterbacks!"
This starts off Pat McNeill's
sports radio show that hits the airwaves
on WUSC every Friday at
5:30 p.m. The show debuted on
Oct. 16 and, like a great runner,
never looked back.
"We cover what people are talking
about in the world of sports,"
McNeill said. This ranges from
Assistant tr<
USC athlete
By SCOTT POWELL
Staff Writer
USG athletic trainer Jeff
Parsons plays an important role in
keeping athletes healthy.
Parsons has worked as an assistant
trainer for USC's football and
basketball programs since 1990.
"The main things that we tell
people trainers are involved with
are the prevention, care, treatment
and rehabilitation of athletic
injuries," Parsons said.
On a typical day, Parsons will
arrive at Williams-Brice Stadium
at 7 a.m. There, he helps with the
rehabilitation and treatment of
basketball and football injuries.
After spending some time at
the stadium, he goes to the
Carolina Coliseum to assist in
pre-practice taping and treatment
before basketball workouts. On
game days, he said that sometimes
he stays until 10:30 p.m. in
order to meet the visiting team
and set up the pregame meal.
Parsons said there is more
preparation involved in basketball
games than just putting coolers on
benches. He helps set up the locker
room for the players, referees,
and coaches and sets drinks for
the hand.
Parsons said he stays after the
game to deal with injuries and
evaluate them widi team doctor
Bill McKenzie.
"On top of die rehab and practice,
I'm in charge of making
travel arrangements for the basketball
team," Parsons said.
He said he became a trainer
because he "wanted to be around
athletics because it enables you to
keep a day to day contact with the
players and coach. It gives you a
different perspective."
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quarterba
future college basketball matchups
to the pro wrestling segment.
Some topics, discussed in panel
forum, are proceeded by music
bits such as "Sweet Home
Chicago" when discussing the
Chicago Bulls or "Mama Said
Knock You Out" on the fight
between Riddick Bowe and
Michael Dokes. McNeill, however,
enjoys talking about professional
football for a rather simple
reason.
"I'm good at it," he said. "1
picked Washington to win the
Super Bowl last year and Dallas to
win this season."
McNeill, who attends the USC
law school, got his start in radio as
liner keeps
js healthy
most common
ball are knee . jf
* . ^
to tackle Parsons
around the legs
so that they'll go down quicker."
In basketball. Parsons said
ankle, foot and knee injuries are
the most frequent. Other common
injuries in both sports are bruises
associated with the shoulders,
hands and thumbs.
There are some preventive
measures an athlete can take to
avoid injuries.
"We try to stress to athletes the
importance of year-round conditioning,
the avoidance of destructive
behaviors and the importance
of lifting weights in order to
improve their suength and flexibility,"
Parsons said.
He said muscle stimulators are
used in order to control pain and
decrease swelling. Another
machine trainers use is the
Kincon, a device used to strengthen
muscles.
Parsons got his undergraduate
degree in sports medicine and
biology. He then received a master's
in athletic training.
Please
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icks hit the
; a freshman at Clemson doing the
Spike Lee Show. "It was a ripoff
of David Letterman's show,"
McNeill said. "II went over very
well."
As a sophomore, he became the
1 news director. That is when he
and a fellow student started a
I show entitled The Sports Gurus.
When comparing USC and
Clemson, McNeill does not hesitate
to show his loyalty to the
Tigers. "It's an entirely different
attitude here," he said.'They are
more spirited at Clemson. Orange
1 is an altitude."
Is the possible future communications
lawyer hoping for bright
Woods coir
From Staff Reports
USC Head Football Coach
Sparky Woods announced
Wednesday the addition of two
assistants to his staff. Mark
McHale will coach the offensive
guards and centers, while Tim
Harkness will coach the wide
receivers.
McHale comes to South
Carolina after working as the
offensive line coach of the World
Football League's Montreal
Machine last season. He was on
the staff at Southern Mississippi
for six years (1986-92) as the
offensive line coach, including die
last two seasons in the dual role of
offensive coordinator. During his
stint at Southern Miss, the Golden
Eagles appeared in two postseason
bowl games (1989 Independence
on/1 1 OOn A 11_ A mpriron\
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McHale spent six years at
Appalachian State (1980-85). His
last two years he served as Sparky
Woods' offensive coordinator and
worked alongside four other current
Gamecock coaches ? Carroll
McCray, Brad Lawing, David
Bibee and Art Wilkins.
McHale, 42, is a native of
Winchester, VA. He received his
B.S. degree in health, physical
education and safety in 1973 from
Shepherd (W. Va.) College, where
he was a football letterman. He
went on to earn an M.S. degree in
industrial safety from West
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things to come for The Armchair
Quarterback? You bet.
"I would like to get a delay system
so we can take callers. This
would hopefully expand the show
to one hour. This depends on how
much money is available for the
1 station. I would also like to get
more affiliates for the show." He
1 then jokingly added, "Then maybe
we can compete with Bob Costas
coast to coast."
So, as McNeill said, "If you
want to listen to sports topics that
are pertinent to the time, then listen
in." Because as the introduction
also says, "If it's in the game,
it's on die air."
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lpletes staff
Virginia in 1975, where he worked
one season as a graduate assistant
on Bobby Bowden's football staff.
McHale began his college coaching
career in 1975 at his alma
mater, Shepherd College.
"I am excited about the opportu
nity at South Carolina," McHale
said. "I am familiar with this staff
and I look forward to working
widi them again. I believe we have
the potential for success in the
Southeastern Conference."
Harkness comes to South
Carolina from Baylor, where he
was a runningbacks coach last season
on Grant Teaff's staff. The
Bears finished 7-5 in 1992 and
defeated Arizona in the John
Hancock Bowl. Prior to that,
Harkness worked one season as
receivers coach for the NFL's
Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Harkness
also has worked on the staffs at
Illinois (1987-91), Alabama (198587),
and Georgia Tech (1981-85).
Harkness, 37, is a native of
Columbia. He went to Keenan
High School and then to Johnson
C. Smith College in Charlotte,
where he played football and
earned a B.S. degree in accounting
in 1977. Harkness also has an
M.S. degree in information systems
from Georgia State (1984).
"This is a tremendous opportunity
to join the staff at South
Carolina and become a part of a
program that is on the rise,"
Harkness said.
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