The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, February 13, 1991, Valentine's Day Special Issue, Page 2, Image 10
Parental
By SERENA HOLMES
Staff Writer
Roses are often red, violets frequently
blue. A lover is usually
your valentine, but parents can be
too.
Often on Valentine's Day, the
brain cells dock in for overtime
when processing^romantic
thoughts.
Using some of that energy to
evaluate one's relationship with
parents is the advice of Dr. Russell
Haber, coordinator of training at
USC's Counseling and Human Development
Center.
"Now that students have left the
home, they can see the home in a
different way, and perhaps see that
the parents did the best job that
they knew how to do," he said.
Haber suggested even abusive
parents cope the best way they
know how to, and that, although
students may not be able to forget
wrongs done to them, they can
take steps towards forgiveness.
Negative aspects of a student's
relationship with his parents can
affect his relationship with the opposite
sex.
"I think that when we feel that
we've come from 'bad seed,' then
we feel that we need someone else
to fill us up . . .to make us feel
better," Haber said.
If students can learn to love
themselves and their parents, they
can then experience healthy relationships.
Otherwise, they can fall
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love gr<
in love in a much more dependent
way, he said. ^
Coping with peer relationships a
can be one of the many demands f
on students as they make the transition
from home life to college life. F
Often, the roles which students
played in their families determines
how both they and their parents 1
cope with the transition, he said. e
"The one which the family de- 1
pended on most, who might be r
called a 'junior parent' can be hard ?
to let go of and do without," he
said. 11
An only child can also experi- e
ence both negative and positive *
consequences trom nis new status
as a college student. v
As they grow older, students F
tend to deal with life using many
of the coping strategies that their ^
parents used, Haber said. v
A 1fkrtn/*U n nrt "i z1!' r\r* ri F
rviuiuu^n a wuiuaii v^aii anu
choose qualities found in both of
her parents, Haber said it is the
mother whose personality and
vaules she emulates most
Journalism junior Lisa Wheeler .
credits her mother with being the
greatest influence on her life.
"She is the strongest person I .
have ever met She has seen more, c
done more and lived through more
than anyone else I know," she
said. u
Haber said men are taught to se- h
parate themselves from their fami- h
lies and adopt values that focus on d
self-reliance and self-confidence. 11
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Students from single-parent
lomes use the parent as a model to
i greater extent, regardless of the
>arent's gender, he said.
As students become more inde>endent,
they need their parents'
ove less, Haber said.
Accounting senior Tammi
rucker said she was independent
even as a child. She said she is
hankful her parents have always
espected and encouraged her
prowth.
Sometimes, students can depend
oo heavily on parents and become
emotionally underdeveloped,
laber said.
?T? 4.11 1 !4L -4 1 4.
i ve laiKeu wiui some siuuenis
vhose parents give them daily
ihone calls," he said.
Haber contrasted this example
vith one in which he has spoken
vith students who deny they have
larents. He explained that these inlividuals
are also emotionally
leedy, often denying they have
ny needs at all.
The goal for both parents and
tudents, Haber said, is to love
hemselves and each other and
inderstand respective faults. Stulents
could also try remembering
hat their parents were children
>nce.
"I think it's not enough to walk
a someone's shoes to have a good
nderstandine of them. You reallv
ave to walk through their childood.
My experience ... is that
tieir present behaviors make a lot
tore sense to me," he said.
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Biology junior Diana Hayes (left) and her mother, who is a librarian
at the South Caroliniana Library, talk by the bookshelves.
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