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m13^ Music By BRIAN GARLAND Staff Writer Looking at the music collection one might find selections by Led Z lor. All had their, heydays in the '' Drake's area of expertise. Drake will present his program " The Ugly" at 7 p.m. Friday in The media presentation featuring slide performance dealing with the popul Drake's appearance Friday will formed in The Golden Spur in 19 can't get rid of me," he said. A fan of rock music since it beg popular singers and seen classic coi York City, he has seen pertorma Holly and Chuck Berry to Jimi Her His lecture about the rock musi lecture series Drake performs acros with the music of the '50s and the Drake said he devotes his time cause he thinks music is a very im much history is measured from wi believe is not always reflected t music," he said. Music tells you what people wer Drake said. "For anybody under 4 'Thatiillfli fgHUM0RM Column^; By BRIAN SHELTON Staff Writer Folks, I'll be absolutely honest with you. As of late, I have been literally running to my mailbox ? or, in non-sexist language to impress my English 102 teacher, "person-box." The reasons why are two-fold. Duh, which means there's two of them. First. I am on the lookout for my draft notice so I can make that reservation for that one-way ticket to Canada and second, I have been waiting for fan mail. Fan mail for what, you ask? In case you have been on another planet or, perhaps, in one of the state's finer correctional institutions, my humor column, creatively called "That Humor Column," debuted last week. I figured the response from you, beagles, would be phenomenal, and I would receive at least 10,000 letters filled with heaps of praise and indecent proposals from those of you out there with two "X" chromosomes. Instead, all I have received is two packages that were mysteriously ticking and a note suggesting I add a question mark after the column's name to make il more fitting. This prompted me to realize maybe "That Humor Column" had not been the raging, riotous success I envisioned it would be. I decided to get some outside help, sc I went to Cooper ? that's the big building with all the books in it ? and checked out "How to Write Humor Columns That Are Raging, Rioting Successes Without Wastv^Colur ^ Owned and D)V' stud Spring Break Specials /* # 1 Month unlimited 2 Weeks ' I li unlimited Ja (NO FEES, ^ NO GIMMICKS, NO RESTRICTIONS) 2002 Greene Street acre (30 sec. ft ?3BE 7791 Open 7 Days a Week Featui %j^f! decadi s of people on a typical dorm hall, eppelin, Pink Floyd and James Tay'Os, a rock era that is speaker Barry 70's Rock: The Good, The Bad, and Golden Spur. He will lead a multis, music samples and a live guitar iar music of the '70s. not be his first at USC. He per71. "I just keep coming back. You ;an in the mid-'50s, he has followed ncerts over the years. Raised in New mces of stars ranging from Buddy ldrix and Janis Joplin. c of the '70s is one of a three-part s the country. His other lectures deal '60s. to lecturing about rock 'n' roll beportant aspect of man's history. "So it to war. What Americans feel and >y politicians. I see it in film and e doing at any given time in history, c jx ir -i >_ 1 j ana uvci u mere s dccii an uvciing Any Significant Brain Power or Sounding Like an Obnoxious Jerk." The book had many helpful suggestions. The first chapter stated "in order to have a successful humor column, one must have a theme song." I thought about this for a few hours, trying to figure out two important points. One, what theme song would effectively sum up what I'm trying to say with "That Humor Column," and two, how the goshdarn heck (pardon my French) could I do a theme song when this is, after all, print media. Then, much like my pit bull Rasputin does when I call it, it came to me. The perfect song and the perfect method for transcribing it. (Ladies and gentlemen, the following paragraph contains the "That Humor Column" musical .1 Tii 1 uiciiic. ricasc icau 11 uui iuuu anu impress your friends.) Da Da Dum, Da Dum. Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum (repeat until you run out of breath). Da Da Dum, Da Dum (hit that high note, people) Da Da Da, Da Da Da, Dum Dum Dum, Da Da Da, Dum Da Dum. Thank you, Carolina Band. That was the rousing anthem of "2001" for those of you out there who can't read music. Did you get the image I was trying to convey? Me running into an overflowing Williams-Brice Stadium, flanked on all sides by a bevy of bodacious cheerleader babes (wow, alliteration). That's the magic of a theme I song, folks. With this out of the way, I skipped to some of the other chapt ters in the book. Chapter 4 stated ; that a successful humor columnist often "fills his column with so; called witty, totally irrevelant , anecdotes serving little purpose except to waste space when the col nbia Tan Spa Operated by USC college ents & graduates ft Skincare ^ Tanning I 1 Products L JUST ARRIVED I Swimwear ^ by >ss from Andy's Deli in 5 Pfs om campus) O 1 7 "7 mention this ad and receive m?\ / / 10% off tanning products ring Wolff and Merittan Sun Systems iSF 9 stayir whelming force of music somewhei Drake's program will flow in chi he will talk about the "'60s leftov The Grateful Dead and Jefferson A is the music after the breakup of th< ing 'What's next?"' Drake said. The next section of his progi mid-1970s, the period of Americai ding and Nixon was out of the W1 ggae and music with a definitely di The last part of his lecture deals the late '70s. These years were cl '60s and the disco pop sound. It think the '70s music was very strai to the new wave of music that flo Police and Dire Straits, he added. Drake was a performer and so signed to Capitol Records in 1970, has recorded three albums since th States and Europe. Kristin Fourroux, the graduate Program Union, said CPU brough seemed to enjoy him the last timi good time for rock'n'roll, and it's she said. Admission for the show is free ' eral public. umnist can't think of anything else to write." I personally found this ridiculous and made a vow never to sink to something this low and unnecessary. Which reminds me of another vow I recently made. On New Year's Eve, I made a resolution not to eat any more jelly donuts, but, would you believe, three days later I came across a wrecked Dunkin' Donuts truck? The driver of the truck said all the other donuts would be OK, but the jelly ones would spoil if they didn't get to the shop quickly. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I threw them in the back of my '74 Pinto and sped off, but, wouldn't 1 T ?* ?l- ? rr:~ yuu khuw 11, i gui siulk in a uauu, jam and . . . Folks, that was an example of a tactic I will not, repeat not, resort to. That is, until next column (arriving sometime after hell freezes over.) Chapter 9 dealt with controversy. It said "every successful humor columnist since prehistoric times has included something in their column that is controversial. These statements are not made necessarily to be humorous but rather to attract cheap publicity." In the following paragraph, I have included a series of controversial statements. If you are easily offended, read a; your own risk. l)College freshmen are much cooler than college seniors, 2)Vanilla Ice is the Anti-Christ, 3)Norman Fell, who played Mr. Roper on Three's Company, is undeniably the greatest actor of the 20th century, 4)Oreos are much better if you take the top off first and lick out the creamy middle, 5)Roseanne Barr is fat, 6)Cocoa Pebbles are much better than t"? _ l i "7\t? .1 _ . rruny reooies, ana / ;nvery gin on this campus wants to go out with me at least once before they leave Help Somebody Alpha PI A National Se, I - A " A <? I "Help with Specia *On-campus escoi Help the Heartfu *We are a Co-ed I I January 23 & 24 A ^ O 7' alive re in their lives," he said, ronological order Friday night. First, ers," which consists of Pink Floyd, irplane music of the late '60s. "This 5 Beatles when everybody's wonderram deals with the music of the 1 history in which Vietnam was entiite House. Around 1974, disco, refferent sound came out, Drake said, with the "chaotic" state of music in haracterized by a flavor of the late was this music that makes people ige, Drake said. This music also led wed into the '80s, the music of the ngwriter in the late '60s and was becoming part of the '70s scene. He en and has performed in the United assistant adviser for the Carolina it Drake back because the students e he came. "The '70s were a very just something fun to learn about," with student ID and $3 for the gen,w use. Whoa, I am one controversial dude. Call the police. Lock me up. Tell your pals. Write "Letters to the Editor." Come on, please . . . The last chapter had only one sentence. It was written in bold and double-underlined and since it is short, I have decided to print it in its entirety. "Whatever you do, fledgling humor columnists, never, ever, ever base a whole column on supposed advice you got from a book you have obviously made up." Now, folks, that is just plain common sense. What kind of lame-brained idiot would do a thing like that? To sum up, I learned a lot about writincr humor columns and nlan to o ? I use this knowledge in the future. Heck, maybe next time I'll even have an actual topic (gasp, wheeze) to write about instead of just rambling on endlessly like I have done in my first two columns. Until then, wubba wubba wubba, Good-Bye, God Bless, and, now more than ever, peace. ' / / \ \ IDIOT \\ K ON Y) \\ BOARD \ If you're going to Drink and Drive, At least let the rest of us know. and Have a Blast ii Omega rvice Fraternity il Olympics J rt service for students md Association "raternity I ! M , , " S > ' TCO i an Office 7:00 pm both evenings Housing to hire fc By JENNIFER LYNN FULLER ii Staff Writer s Flashcards and no-talkingallowed group exercises are a part ^ of the resident advisor selection d nrooess which returns for the fall d I > - - 1991 semester after a semester- c long hiring freeze. a In.September, Resident Student r Development froze RA hiring for this semester because it had overestimated how much money it would receive. The selection process, which begins in February, will require all applicants attend a group process interview with eight to 10 people. During this interview they will perform personality-exploring activities. They may have to put together a square without talking or respond to flashcards with prompters like "I enjoy living on my floor because . . ." These activities are designed to determine the candidates' tendencies to assume leadership roles and to find their individual strengths. "It's a fun thing to do," said Linda Newman, Horseshoe/ Capstone Area Resident Life Coordinator. The selection process continues with interviews with two RAs and a residence hall director. In these interviews the applicants are asked questions touching on all RA job areas. Individual scores are then tallied, and those applicants with above average scores qualify to interview with the RAs and RHD of the halls he or she prefers. The RHDs and staff then decide who they'd like to hire, and letters are sent to the applicants. Psychology senior Sam Livings ion is an ka in Moore aorm. une reason he became an RA two years ago was to gain leadership experience. Being an RA includes being a leader, a disciplinarian, floor manager and counselor. Livingston said most of his time as an RA is spent counseling residents, answer"*4 Wl mm A lot of campus i i :??? Earn $160 a month! i We need males with A or bonus program for students! QO Serologicals $50 MINIM DONA' Your plasma is neede recently have had an infections!!! 1) Mononucleosis 2) Strep Throat 3) Chickenpox or Shing 4) Measles 5) Mumps 6) Chlymidia or Herpes OP Serologicals service r_ii )i i an ng questions and being a "trouble hooter." Journalism senior Cathy Grzyowski is an RA in Bumey resilence hall. She said in a freshman orm, she has to do a lot of ounseling, helping students to get djusted and making sure the dorm ules are followed. An RA gets a salary and pays educed housing and meal plan osts, and the job looks great on a esume, Newman said. Livingston nd Grzybowski, however, both tated that the chief benefit of beng an RA is getting to know a rariety of people. They also said being an RA akes a lot of time and they must >e able to balance their responsi)ilities with classes. "It takes as nuch time as the RA wants to give o the students," Grzybowski said. Livingston said an RA should be ipen-minded and fair despite his >r her viewpoints. An RA must enow where he or she stands on ssues and have a "general feel for ill areas" in order to effectively inswer questions and offer advice o residents, she said. A good RA is approachable, ".ares flhnut I JSC and its students. ind has an optimistic attitude, jrzybowski said. "You have to :are about people." The positive aspects of the job outweigh the negative for Livingsion and Grzybowski. It can be time consuming but offers them the opportunity to meet many types of people and help others. The results of anonymous questionnaires residents complete about their RAs indicate that residents appreciate the efforts of their RAs. Ninety-one percent of those surveyed said their RA does a good job. Those interested in becoming an RA or Columbia Area Resident Advisor (CARA) should pick up an application from the T Building and return it by Feb. 1 at 4:30 p.m. rapes start here. B blood types. Special ! Call us for details. Middleburg Dr. Suite 105 Columbia, SC 29204 254-6537 UM EACH HON d if you have or y of the following j ;les (must be free of other STD's) 2719 Middleburg Dr. Suite 105 Columbia, SC 29204 (803) 254-6537