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Scrooge says CI 1 used to like Christmas, I really did. 1 loved the stomach-churning anticipation that made me wake up the whole family, grumbling, stumbling and bleary eyed at four o'clock in the morning to open my gifts. I loved to watch them lay on the living room floor sucking coffee and mumbling inaudible death threats and making quiet, veiled threats ot retroactive aoortion wnue l careened those big Tonka dump trucks off the coffee table onto Mom's new bone china set. I loved the almost God-like aura of Santa Claus too. God gave you salvation, but Santa gave you gifts (salvation don't mean diddley-squat when you're four years old, but your new Big Wheel or G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu Grip does). I used to i make sure Santa had absolutely, positively no pro- t blem getting into our house. We didn't have a i chimney, so Mom would have to unlock the front < door to let the Big Guy with the Gifts in. I stood there and watched her, nay, made damn sure that l when Saint Nick got to my house his entry would be ( a smooth one. 1 But that child-like innocence and love has vanish- ( ed, gone, burned away like the last little chunk of coal in old Uncle Scrooge's dreary, bleak and cold ' office. i School, adulthood, professors ? they have killed < that child. School has made me a poor man. Mr. < Holderman takes my money, the she-devil who hands out parking tickets takes my money. They have led me to drink, and now Five Points takes my ( money. < Adulthood, well, let's just say if 1 get up before < \ 9 + LONG DISTANCE SE U.S.C. TELEPHONE COMMUNICATIONS 514 S. Main Street 777 9587 * Low Rates * No Service Charge *7 TAN SAI 1215 Augusta Rd. (Gerv* Suite F West Columbia ., ?, ^ "GOLDEN HAWAIIAN TAN WITHOl free 1st Visit With Th Call 794 TAN - use SPECIALS pi month unlimited t, I $30-00 With thi: i 1 free | visit jt | With This Ad j* Expires 12-30-88 ^ * iristmas isn't f Millard toon on Christmas Day, it's a miracle. No mon oys, just unenthusiastic requests for clothes ant /arious and sundry toiletries. Just the basics thesi lays. And professors, and they know who they are tave periodically made my life, as well as the live 3f others, a living hell and swirling eddy of despair Vlay they get a lump of coal in their stocking and b< ienied tenure forever. My friends have noticed a gradual change in me 'A bad attitude," they tell me. A tenseness, a pro tensity to snap at anybody, over anything. Th< jrinch? Scrooge? Bush-league misanthropes. 1'c ?at those simpering boneheads for lunch. My best friend in the whole world, who I car ilways count on to tell it like it is with no sugar :oating, told me a couple of weeks ago that I'v< uways oeen a sen-cenierea, mean-spiritea littK ;not when I wanted to be, which seemed to him tc RVICE Got i Digit fluth Code i :E 3is St.) } I 13 "Ml _r ? piz; p [ J o Godfcit JT BURNING ? pj?. ic A/-J R m i i o rvu w m IS | V ? "NNTng"! | LAR s coupon | q ^ >3 0 BEEI . | O _B1A| /* I ! -I?I ! iin, anymore "I be often (he said this in a loving way, though). But he also said that's what makes me me. For some really twisted reason, 1 accepted that. I must confess. I guess I sometimes enjoy being a snot. But it takes a lot of energy ? energy 1 could use to perhaps pass a few of my classes, energy to put up with relatives over the holidays who very often make me nauseous. I'm still wondering exactly why I have become %1/VlOt I om oil n f O CllHHon \4oi;Un in tV?a finnl v? iic*i a uiu \ji a. juuuvii. iviajuv, ill nit liiiai analysis it's just the holiday season and the added absurdities of life and school. I mean, should I care what the formula of a quadratic equation is? Should I care that my next? door neighbor is entering Harvard Law School in i the fall, and I'm still just barely making it through ? journalism school? Should I quit whining? , Perhaps, just perhaps. s But, as bad as it seems, things get better. Christmas can once again be spectacular. I know it i can. Heck, there may even be some hope for me of getting out of this semester-long funk. But things are going to have to change around here ? no more Christmas album commercials in October; no more ; life-size illuminated Santas on people's porches; abi solutely no colorized versions of It's A Wonderful Life-, no more mistakes like playing Robert Goulet's i version of "The Christmas Song" instead of Nat King Cole's; no more underwear and socks and for ; God's sake . . . ; No more fruitcakes! > Then, maybe, we can talk. Ifather's ux P 1200 Knox Abl L ImCI 794-1215 V COUPON 3 TWO ORIGir rucccc DI7 ZASfo, Just'1.29 pei A ? topping cover 9 3 both Pizzas. NOT VALID WITH ANY OTHER COUPONS OR OFFERS COUPON EXPIRES 1/7/89 COUPON -> PIZZA' BUFFET 7* HOT PIZZA, SALAD BAR, f GARLIC BREAD, PIZZA DESSERT COUPON EXPIRES 1/7/89 COUPON GE $( OMBO! i f. sausage, pepptroni, onions, mushrooms. :k olives, and mozzarell/* cheese. ge super combo-io toppings available ! $12.95. ask manager for details. COUPON EXPIRES 1/7/89 mm Hrl cV ? .V r.o-om o O . o o*1 ? O o O o w O ? .? 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