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It's time to do When asked to prepare something for this Christmas mag, Christmas on Greene Street, I winced in pain and begged to be excused. "It'll have to be sappy, silly. You know, fluff." I hate fluff. But I was told, so long as I didn't reveal Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer's part in the Irangate scandal, I was free to do anything I wanted to do. So I was OK. A T J-?*J?1 ?1__. -I 1 1 nuu i uctiucu, wiiy nui gu aneau anu give everyone an insightful look into this ol' skull o' mine during the prep time for this festive, Yuletide time o' year. See if you can get any insight out of this ? my letter to Santy Claus. Yo, dude in red, Yep, it's me again. I'm really disappointed in you, Santy. I was a reasonably good boy and I made a specific request for my X-mas gift last year. And, although it would have been delayed about 11 months, it was still within your power. I was very good, but what do I get for all my hard work? George Bush? A low blow, babe. But, as I said, I'm a nice guy, and I'll give you a chance to redeem yourself. I just want one thing. I've always wanted it, really, but I've never asked for it. For Christmas this year, I'd like a nephew. Now since neither of my sisters are married and their prospects of getting so are pretty slim right now, this is one heap big request I'm asking, I know, but it doesn't have to be a blood-related nephew. I could be one of those family friend-type uncles. I told my roommate a little while ago that I really love kids, and he said, "Gee, Steve I like you a lot, but no way in hell." A misunderstanding. I want to be an uncle. I love kids, but I'm not intTAJIE'S PL A 20% OFF ANY D1 Fri. and Sat. SPECIALS 11 Fiaiafei Lamb Curry !; Kifta Chicken Curry ;> Kibbu r~ Roasted Leg of Lamb J: Baba Bhannouje We Make Party Trays! !; 2768 Decker Blvd. Near Coiumb J | Mon. - Thur. 11:30-8:00 Fri. Sat. 1 $20 ? { "Immediate C t $20 With This < 0 New donors or any donors that h A in 3D Have ran parn ?70 flfl nn fii appointment necessary, but processing f Columbia Plasma Coi 0 1916 Taylor StraQ % 256 6683 or 256-61 . ^ ^ Automated Plasma Center - Paste $20 that X-mas lette i 1; k^VI terested in the responsibility of being a parent right 1 now. Anyway, there's no one in my life with the < kind of moral fortitude to withstand being used and < degraded for the half hour necessary to get 1 everything started. r And it's not like I haven't talked to my sisters s about it, but they're not ready, they say. "You of- t fensive jerk," they say. But I think I'd make a good uncle. t A REAL uncle. f I'd be the kind of uncle who'd buy the nephew all f the necessary sports equipment ? footballs, t helmets, pads; basketballs; and baseballs, mitts, bats ? the moment he's born (in fact, I'd buy at the r moment of conception if I was assured he would be r a he). Uncles have to teach him manly sports so he doesn't grow up to be a sissy wimp and talk with a c lispy, limp voice like interior decorators and the president-elect. Nope, I'd be teaching the kid to catch before he could talk and teaching him to cuss before he could F walk. I'd show him how to tackle as part of his pot- a ty training. There's a connecton there, deep and f subliminal. Ask any linebacker. t ^ j?. && ?a and Safe ^ r / * \ v V \ v v V'.w \ r 'thang' And when the kid gets old enough, I'd take hi: Dut to the ballpark all year round, to the footba games in the fall, baseball in the summer and 1 basketball games in between. At the baseball games, I'd even let him sip it ?eer and when the time came, his dad and I woul :ake him out and get him looped when he becorm egal. Just beer, the first time out, but it's one ( hose ritual initiations of youth. The beauty of being an uncle is that you get t iave all the fun that parents have, whenever yo vant, as often or as infrequent as you wan vithout any of the responsibilities. That's perfect for me. Every guy has one uncle like that. I remembi vhen I was a little piker about the height of a goo >ackhanded slap, 'cause I got about my fair shai )f those. Anyway, I was at my uncle's apartmei >nce and I apparently found his collection c ->1 1 ? A _ .1 -layouy magazines, as rne story goes, as m nother was yelling at this uncle, he apparent! hrugged and said "Aw, shucks," and that wt hat. Uncles aren't irresponsible in damaging raumatic ways. They're irresponsible when con >ared to parents, who are and should be responsibl or kissing the boo boos and making all the ba hings go away. An uncle is there to create and provide lastin nemories of good times that meant little, but wer eally, really fun. And lastly, if you brought me a nephew, I'd d ne other thing. I'd love the kid. Anyway, see what you can do, dude in red. Thanks bunches Little Stevi \S. If you can't bring me a nephew, I'll take cash bee sting for George Bush, a G.I. Joe with a kung u grip and tickets to USC's NCAA championshi asketball game. \ J?g? I /EDDY LEPP/The Gamecock Nightlight The annual University Tree Lighting was the highlight oj the Horseshoe this past Sunday. The celebration featured performances from Carolina Alive and the Touch of Faith Gospel Choir. University chaplain Lauren Brubaker blessed the tree, and guests were invited to sing some familiar carols along with the two choirs. The event was sponsored by Carolina Cares.