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Sports Wednesday, November 12, 1986 * 9 GAMECOCK ?? 1 ?? I I ? ? Valid, but unus that one usuall In sports journalism one is always being bombarded with statistics and catagories accompanying big-time professional athletics. Sometimes the stats and catagories are helpful and add an insight into the game, but most always they are boring. Unless, of course, you are a member of the stat crew for NBC's NFL coverage, who come up with the dumbest stats ever conceived, like ? "The last man to fumble on the twoyard line with a full moon and his mother in the fifth row." Not trying to outclass my colleagues at NBC, 1 have come up with a few categories, which are valid, and should be included in the NFL stats for 1986: The NFL's smallest player ? No contest. Gerald McNeil, Cleveland Browns. He's a 5-7, 143 pound kickoff returner who is affectionately called "The Icecube". My sister's bigger than he is. Some may say that kickers are smaller, but that's a wimpy position anyway so they don't count. The LARGEest player ? No ' contest here either. "THE REFRIGERATOR" is the biggest "tub of goo" (to use a phrase coined by a national late night TV host) that has ever put on a uniform. Besides, he's C ^ U ^ A I1UI11 V.1CI11MJ11, lie UC3C1 Vt5 ridicule. The strongest looking player ? Mark Gastineau, the New York Jets madman who looks like a combination of Conan and David Lee Roth. He may not be the strongest, but he looks like it. The ugliest ? And yes once again, no contest. Jim Plunkett is so ugly his face could stop a clock. That's why the Raiders win so much. The other defenses won't touch him because they're afraid the ugly will rub off. tThe "Prettiest" player ? Ten years ago I would have said Intrai From staff reports TTQf~"c intramiir.il ilcnnrlmpnt ! The race featured courses of fr pkins to its winners. The men's winner in the five-n time of 27:01. Second place w women's five-mile winner was 1 Johnson's 41:12 time was good f The men's two-mile winner w? was Jeff Robinson with 10:58. women's division with a time of 1 with 15:17. I P A Ft Persi CORNER: MAIN CALL: COI 79i j j"(^J "Need E: ?n 5 (Hon nn U i ?p^lV.W VII JLTwice A W 5 $ $ I COLUMBIA PI | 1916 T, C Columbia, Soi a Phon< I OPEN I "Bring this C i 1 k i Talk Shrewsbury ;ed, statistics y doesn't hear Lynn Swan, but now it has to be Walter Payton. Anyone named "Sweetness" has to be pretty. The king of the whiners ? It's a tie between Jim McMahon and John Elway. Thf?v hnth whinr and rnmnlain about everything, the only difference is: McMahon can be tough, Elway is a wimp. The wimpiest player ? Any quarterback. The most clean cut player ? Any quarterback. Although Jim McMahon is a severe exception to the rule; he's sort of like the control group. Scaricst Looking ? Lyle Alzado, when he played. He could break a running back's leg in one hand and drink a keg of beer from the other. That's pretty impressive. Most likely to kill a car ? Brian Bosworth, from Oklahoma, when he gets to the NFL. (He's just so good that 1 consider him a pro player already.) Meanest player ? Billy Bates of Dallas. He hits people so ' hard that my teeth rattle. Fastest player ? Darrell Green of Washington. So fast that if he went out for a pass, he could go home and change his shirt before returning to catch it. Dumb quote for the century ? It's a toss-up. George Rogers, Washington Redskins running back, said, while he was playing for the New Orleans Saints: "My goal is to get 1,500 or 2,000 yards, whichever comes first." No wonder he was traded. And again, William ''The Refrigerator" Perry, when he learned that Clemson had been placed on probation in 1981, thus not being eligible to have any games televised for three years: "You mean we can't watch TV for three years?" Player most likely to do a line or pop a roid ? ... Well there's no need to go into that. murals hosted the Pumpkin Run, Nov. 1. ve and two miles and awarded pum tiile division was John Braay wun ; as Shawn Chilog with 27:46. Thi Michelle Dennis with 33:44. Shirl; or second. is Steve Siebert at 10:56 and secon< Lisa Taylor won first-place in th 5:01, while Chris Baker took secom KING Dnally assigned spaces / Close to Campus 30.00 a momn I and PENDLETON WELL ARMS M442 v li a uitoii 'irst Donation eek Donation $(t? (ft *r *r LASMA CENTER iylor Street ith Carolina 29201 i 254-6683 7:00 AM <Kg 'oupon with you" immmmwmmmmmwmwmmmmki Soccer tea By RICHARD BREEN Senior reporter USC's soccer team has won a berth m the bouth Region playoffs and will face Duke at 1 p.m. Sunday in Durham, N.C. After last Sunday's beating of No. 6 Akron, the Gamecocks are No. 13 in the nation, No. 3 in the South and 17-4 on the year. . ,/vv> *vr ^ ??;y'* . wr*y ' * V ?!' '* -, .* %. Vv?i; v' ' "r~ ?" ** j<t I ISSt!? r _????~j I! ALl ! SPAC ! *3.89 I ? j 940 Harden S m takes 01 The Blue Devils, 13-5-1, arc second in the South and 10th in the nation. They are led by AilAmerican and ACC scoring leader John Kerr. The last time these two teams faced each other Duke came away with a 3-2 overtime victory Oct. 19 at The Graveyard. The i uarnecocKs won i -u ui uukc in m < V " ^'VT*Z ' t w3 -v" '"* "* **** ""*** * ^ > . *? 2^ fV> ? iy ?*V / $ - *> < ' ' ;V?&W\.. ;jpr '^T, V / * '* - J;' 7a^B: ^pyjiSfP < I fSsgffigi *pgMK^al^^a * g^^Hg^RSS 3^5!^^ wttt&Wx* {^f ISP LYOUCAA 1HETTISP. with salad <S 4-8 pm on Tues. & Expir< it.? Columbia, S.C ti Duke in 1 1985. In the 1985 game, junior Marty Baltzegar scored with only four minutes remaining in the game. All-time scoring leader Doug Allison paces the Gamecocks with 15 goals this season, while senior Dan Ratcliff has 11. The winner, Sunday, will play N.C. State on Nov. 23 in Raleigh % " . * ' * *>: * ' 4* * * * * B3ttK' - ' ** .4 '-* 16$ il| ?1li - 8S ^7 i v "? < ?* ^11 *r*? m | '<&&* . >>..vu- i i EAT 1 ECIAL! : i garlic bread \ Thurs. of this week ; 3s 11-26-86 I -i lilr II I P-?BM1iB II I iBnUBjKSK BBB^fiSMKaHNBon HmMnnai :, 799-7571 first round for the Southern Regional Championship. The Wolfpack, 13-3-2 this year, is No. 8 in the country. After the regionals, the winner will move on to play the winner of the South Atlantic Regional on Nov. 30. There will then be semifinal matches before the NCAA Championship game, Dec. 13 in Tacoma, Wash. ' USC's leading scorer Gamecock junior Doug Allison (above and left) goes for control of the i ball during USC's 4-1 win against * Akron last Sunday. Allison is the Gamecock's all-time leading scorer ahead of teammate Dan * Ratcliff. Despite injury problems throughout his USC career, Allison has 15 goals 4 this season to lead the team for the I, third consecutive year. The Gamecocks will be back In acf tion this Sunday in the NCAA \ Southern Regional Playoffs. Thay will t take on the Duke Blue Devils in Durhem, N.C. Allison failed to score in a 3-2 overtime loss to Duke earlier this season, but he was able to contribute an assist on both Gamecock goals. PAM BROOKS/The Gamecock HnBHBUBBHBBMMMHM 1114 College Street Between Assembly & Main (Below The Horseshoe) | 799-0916 i fGB^sl I . . .V.V.V.%V.%V.Vt I ?. > * ?i O 9 t 9 A* * 9 ' * quality gear