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r On the p (Done in the style, if not the language, of Montaigne) We could talk of a million things, my children. We could talk of weather, or the latest farm price increases, or John Milton's sexual problems. But all subjects pale - 1 (i.1^ A-1LJ & _ 1 A. wnen compared wiui mining auoui jellybeans. At least talking about jelly beans is better than talking about, say, the most recent innovations in the embalming business. So let us mediate on the tasty, colorful spheroids of pleasure, saving the - -t ? t a. _ + A.1 n munaane suDjecis ior uuiers. oay what you will: there is nothing so important in this life as jeily beans. First of all comes the purchasing ritual. Without question, there is onlv one real brand of jelly bean: Brachs. This is not so much a commercial preference as a statement of fact; it is like acknowledging Rolls-Royce as the best maker of cars. Brachs is the best jelly-bean maker, and that is that. The main problem in buying I jelly beans is getting past the checkout girl without looking dumb. Nothing can so deplete a mnn'c. maonnlino nratancinnc than man a ihuqvuahiv pivwiuiviui wmii having to walk up to a sparkling young thing at a checkout counter and say, "I'd like to buy these three bags of jelly beans, please." Surely, I imagine, this girl must think I'm a weirdo with an orb fetish, or a hopeless addict who must consume sugar to stave off a case of hyperspeed jitters. This is esueciallv true because it seems that everyone else in line is buying neat, wholesome things like fresh meat or green vegetables or People magazine. Sometimes I cover up my jellybean stash by purchasing other things more normal, hoping that the girl will ring up the candy without a second thought. But alas* it sM>ms that some mirnle fingered stock boy has forgotten to price the jelly beans, so my checkout girl holds the candy aloft and hollers to some superior in the far reaches of the store, "HEY, HARRY, WHAT'S THE PRICE ON tup ifinnii? r?amtw?>" A ilJJ I1AL/I/1JU A i Of course, this nets the attention of everyone in the store and several passersby on the street ourside, and I wonder if cyanidelaced Kool-Aid wasn't such a bad idea after all. It's not easy to feel ATLANTIC I Misbehavln' Joy ATLANTIC II Fullftiling Young Cups 1 Fur Traps HMMDMDt Intramural Officials for men's ami women's Plea Football* Co-roc i Soccer. Apply In room 102 P.I. Center. 777-S261 I ***** ilpnci ir?>c r?f i?? 'KWVtVJMI VJ JV/I embarrassed and inferior in an A & P , but, with all the grace of a housewife caught in an insipid taste-test commercial, I manage to pull it off famously. I slink out of the store, vowing to myself never to buy another bag of jelly beans, but as soon as I'm in the car I rip a bag and savor a tasty Lemon Yellow (as with so much in this world, the first is always the best). The very colors of jelly beans are t hpmcplvpc intorpctina TTnr example, who determines the proportions of Reds to Whites? Is there some little man at the Brachs . factory who does consumer sur veys to find out why no one eats the Purples? Do employees get fired for botching up the ratios: "Sorry, Stretch, but you put more than six Greens into that last half-pound. We're gonna have to let you go." These always seens to be a disproportionate number of Whites, Yellows and Pinks; consequently, these become one's least favorite flavors. 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It's the seventh consecutive White!" The guy who puts all the Whites in jelly-bean uei&s iiiusl ue uic same guy who puts all the Dark Browns in M & M bags. My favorite color is the Browns, the flavor of which is either chocolate or cinnamon; I have yet to decide conclusively (the very flavoric ambiguity lends an air of excitement to the eating of Browns). I refuse to eat the Blacks, not honefullv out ot anv subconscious racial biases, but because they leave rather unsightly childlike stains on the tongue. Only those who are true aficionados of things which are usually not considered the hautest of haut cuisine could appreciate in full the foregoing thoughts on jelly beans. Yes, it seems a bit sinful to be so unnaturally attracted to jelly beans, but that is for greater minds _ than mine to ponder. p to 4 of these s< I Btackbody * Astrology JgRM ! *59 Funi - 3D Graphics . J i * ;^KflHQ|fe??l. iSs \' ? Hy^v ?*??2| v U1V HVilJ dp make this s jw! From Au- The TI Program ... that's your program steps or ase one of the Magnetic card re? rocrammable vou record vour ov O V v $40* worth of programs from yc cettes in your $300.* tion areas. The TI Progran b a new way to to 480 program ste] r TI Programlient notebook )tes, and sami program you \ \ \ ^ :o work right \ ^ ~" {PAKETTES ? rogrammable i ' LFREE SPE- | 1 1th the pur- j le 58C. A $20* I 2 ?? i Send to: Texas Inttn , Lubbock. TX 79408. ,le 68C and 59 I aSEStl" Solid State eluding serial numb* nnHulpq Rnrh ' customer informatio noouies. r,acn dated copy of proof o wide selection . 0f a Tl Programmab) nftAnol liKiHimr hli\ b&tWMM AltflUSl pv.wi.a. | posfcntrfeei inety of fields, | to quoitf* tor this * ice, statistics, | I nents technology ? brinyi Texas Ins incori Jazz- from p+ff? 8 a jazz musician does his solos. To use a prepared text on an improvised music, he feels, is to destroy the humanity of the music. Franklin said that no editing is done to the tape. The "uhs" and "ers" are left in. He pointed out that jazz musicians are subject to the same thing in their playing. " l> k? nni/l < !? imnnrfiutt uIIC aaiu, to iiiapti art." Franklin has been doing Jazz in Retrospect for three years since he moved to Columbia and for two years before that at Michigan. He has also written on jazz for seven years, including record reviews in Ann Arbor and for the Sunday edition of the State. In addition, Franklin writes for the Canadian jazz magazine Coda ("surely the finest publication of its kind"). Franklin listens to all kinds of jazz, but he says that the more he listens, the more he prefers bebop and modern mainstream. He strongly prefers acoustic jazz, though he says that there has been some electric piano he likes. 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Please all prohibiten rtn nffnrriahlt* f>Ig>rtrnnifK 'xni iki rvixo > i rvu m en i o 5ORATED Franklin finds jazz to be the "ultimate musical expression of J 'i 1 _ i if _ democracy anu a iusiuu ui intellect and emotion." Pre-avantgarde jazz, he says, has a structure and boundaries within which everyone has their say. There is a > "certain anarchy that ought to appeal to students" in the music, he said. i To the interested novice, he advises, "listen, browse, buy, > read." Franklin stressed the i importance of being active. Cheap i records enabled him to build a i good record collection relatively r inexpensively, yet cheap records , are no longer available, he said, i He added that the record stores ; stock what one would expect, the best-selling jazz, which has little interest for the serious collector. 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