The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, January 29, 1979, Page Page 14, Image 16
m 1
v_xna ci
Satire by Don Fobes
It's the real thing. U.S.-Sino
relations, already on the upswing, are
purportedly in high gear since China
nas Decome a major market for Coke.
A highly informed U.S. source
i assured this reporter that the ChinaCoke
connection can't miss:4 'It's made
to order. The trademark colors of Coke
are red and white, just like Mao
posters. We even have a promo devised
for our comrades ? 'Coke is the
classless cola.' Can you imagine
800,000,000 gooks (his words) guzzling
Coke!"
A Chinese authority hnhhi#?H nv*?r
"We rike Coca-cora. It's the rear
thing."
Where diplomacy has so often fizzled,
soda promises to sparkle. Already
political writers have dubbed the new
entente, "a carbonated coup."
As effervescent as these officials are,
there is a flat taste apparent in Russia.
"All an imperialist pop plot,"
Brezhnev's right-hand man assured me
via telephone. "Everybody knows we
A. 1 - 1 " *
mweiiieu ^oKe. ureeay U.S. capitalists
only concerned with gaining concessions
at ping-pong matches."
I thought that a backhanded thing to
j "Gaij
; On letters
I The Gamecock welcomes letters
from its readers. Letters should be
a maximum of 300 words and must
be signed with the writer's correct
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Pseudonums are unacceptable, but
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t by request if circumstances
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edit letters for space. Address
letters to: Campus opinion, The
Gamecock, Drawer A, USC,
Columbia, S.C. 29208.
flarmecock ~
Founded 1908 1
Mark J. Lundgren Editor in Chief
I
| Don Fobes Copy Desk Chief
Tom Travis News Editor ?*
David Baker Entertainment Editor
Brett Friedlander Sports Editor j
Dave Roback Graphics Editor j
Barbara Mathews Wire Editor
Jim Phillips Editorial Page Editor >*4
Leigh Grogan Assistant News Editor
Lehman Stiles. Assistant Entertainment Ed. I?
Mike Chibbaro Asst. Sports Editor j
Janice Wood Graduate Assistant j.
Jill Griffin Advertising Manager
Fran George Production Manager To the
Jon Clemmensen General Manager . . .
I just
SamMcKee Business Manager interestil
Mark Ethrldge Jr. Adviser
Wade Ht
took exc
Sole reproduction rights granted to the the first
Associated Press. All other material con
QV A IIV/O tVI
talned herein may not be reprinted without .
the permission of the editor. 8Cme8l6I
him. Not
Opinions expressed In the Gamecock are Hrill at I
those. If signed, of the writer and. If un- uriu ai
signed, of the senior editorial staff. serve lit
seems to
isis' con]
say, but listened politely as Brezhne^
boy continued to serve notice: "A
there's one thing I haven't mention<
You think those rriimmv fhinlrc (\
words) and Coke are a big deal, hu
Brother, you're in Stalinland, ooj
Leninland, now. I never sa
Stalinland, got me? We don't me
around ? just ask a Czech or a Pol
You understand?"
"Da. I mean yes." In Russia
transactions, I must explain, one ten
to become rather "dada." It's very bi
form to be a nvetnik.
Brezhnev's boob resumed: "'Cause
like your voice, I'm going to tell y<
something strictly the record off. Oke
dokey?"
"Da. Da."
"Pepski."
"Huh?"
"We're getting the Pepski coi
cession."
"You mean Pepsi?"
"Da, Pepski. 'Pepski's th
Proletariat pick.' Not bad, huh?"
"Yeah, I mean da. Except, how wi
you keep it from freezing in Siberia?
"What's a Siberia? Ain't no sue
place in Russia, got me?"
"Sure, sure. How are you handlin
,l?n >>
tuc pi uiuuiiuildl dllglC
f Qof^ingten. (&Gajnecoc.k '7*f
False calls c
tiitor: coming the r
exam. But I
finished reading a very pertain to th
ig letter by David S. Hampton, but
bout a fire drill held at the drills" that 1
impton. It seems Torrey Bates House
eption with the fact that see I'm a fire:
; fire drill of the fall the students
was held at the end of the two dorms ir
and I ouittf* narpp u/ith tWntf t*
r ? -J ? W r* 1MB Vlllim UIV 11
only does holding the fire nothing bette
the end of the semester i morning than
tie or no purpose but it pulling false i
take on a sinister motive not everyone
fronts comr
v's "We got that the bag in. Pictures of an
nd Russian tractor operators with Pepski tei
id. in one hand, wiping sweat with the iili
lis other. Maybe get new flag. Sickle, re
h? hammer and Pepski. Our comrade' in
i i ? ^
js, worKer, now you say, joe Average, can pu
id afford six-pack with only two-month th<
sss pay."
le, "Thanks for the scoop. Gotta run. he
Say hi to Leonid for me." ful
an 4'Da. Remember: no Siberia, no ab
ds Stalin." re;
ad "Da, bye." ]
^As of this writing, things bode ill. ba
; i mere are rumors, unconfirmed at ha
3u present, that the Chinese have busted th<
y- millions of Coke bottles and scattered scl
them atop their Great Wall for defense wii
purposes. Th
Cans and bottles have been reported me
flying through the air near the Russian- vei
n- Chinese border, as hostilities mount, be1
Bootlegged Coke is on the rise in
Russia, and in China increasing l
le amount of contraband Pepsi have been tin
i . -i
connscaiea. Co
11 Each nation proclaims its soft drink Se1
' superior. In Russia there's a new an
h mixed drink, a runaway favorite called far
Pepska ? a combination of Pepsi and pla
ig Vodka. bei
Both China and Russia are faced with big
jar r
ilarm Columbi
light before the first pulling all these false alarm
this letter does not someone is doing it regular!
e fire drill at Wade it's no game.
rather a rash of "fire I know what it's like livinj
lave taken place at dorm. I attended rnmiino
, ? ? ??vMivium
and Bates West. You realize how you get carried ,
man in Columbia and blown away would probab
who reside in these more descriptive, to the
i particular seem to whereanything goes. I've
re department has there, if you pardon the clichi
r to do at 2 in the even been known to go back
play games, namely time to time. At the same t
alarms. I'm sure it's also know all too well what it1
at these dorms that's to have been at work for 18
nunists
i unheard of situation: a cola counrmovement.
Those Chinese who've
icitly swilled Pepsi have formed a
irnlntinnarv narlro Hotarmina^
r vAvtvkx/jitUJi J VHVU V VlVlfVt A A A11 iVVl IV
/ade the Soviet Union for the sole
rpose of Pepski pilfering. In Russia,
e converse holds true.
As bad feelings rise and tensions
ighten, no one feels secure about the
ture. All that U.S. officials will admit
out the impending crisis is: "It's the
al thing."
President Carter, despite his Georgia
ckground and Atlanta ties, claims he
s no bias for Coke. In fact, because of
5 international implications, he's
leduled a three-way summit meeting
th top brass from China and Russia,
e beverage to be served at the
ieting ? Dr. Pepper. Carter ferntly
hopes the choice of this
verage isn't misunderstood.
further disquietening news, this
le from Cuba. It appears the
mmunist Island is angling for the
ven-Up trade. With all the furor
)used between Coke and Pepsi
latics, speculation has it that Fidel's
tying it cool with the UnCola. The
1 1 T"* ? _1 * * "
aruea nea saia: "it goes good with a
; cigar."
d ik &/// I /\
.. ' J
liilnitDlliJiJl. 11V lA/k !}&
ia fireman
s, but and after having made seven or
y and eight runs, caught several fires,
finally fall into bed at 1:30 a.m.
g in a when ... Bong ... Bong ... here
, and comes the fire box at Bates House
awav. or Rntpe Woo* 41
? , VM.vu II vo?. VII niliCU UlUBl UI U1C
ly be fires we go to are not in the
point 'Towering Inferno" class, but they
been are fires and they tax your eni.
I've durance the same as all the other
from emergencies we answer do. And
ime I contrary to popular belief at the
s like , fire station not all the children in
hours Sce ALARMS, page 15