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'Autopsy' not worth Kv TOM "Kl?" ('KVI)K ( iiini'cock Staff Writer "Autopsy." rated II (possibly lor ridiculous) is an Italian lilm, dubbed in Knj lisli vc y poorly; at one point the n .id priest says "no" without even opening his n.outh). Tin' liliii features such in '( ('national stars as Minisy I*ari! ft a'xi I'.any Primero, and is di( < ?*'vd by somebody named Armando (rispino. '1 be opening cuts revolve around I llC I III I ll< < ?1 SlllCIUe. A lllilll DIOWS Limscll up, another puts a baggie ivcr I lis head and jumps into a river, a nude girl slits her wrists, and a i an shoots himself in I ho lies i Willi a sill) machine gun after 1 e !.as w iped out his entire family. '11 e .iction then moves to the n.eigne "here an obese nude female. slabbed several limes, is beinn earted into a room lull of stiffs 'including the actors) being dissected and played with by a crew <>l :i aniacal county coroners. Till ACTION I OM SES (.11 Sini'tua. ;i young blonde on in'ership down al "slab <. iIy" :-tudyirg u?";desand trying to find lit vliat motivates one lo Kill "iiosoll Her main problem is 'inding a dead person willing lo he ii.'.^rviewcd. Ob\i??usly lhe action is loo in lense for Simona. ,i.> six* looks at the corpses and imagines them coming after her. In ;i clever interchange between doctor and intern, slit is told, "You '.ught lo go holm , yt u look dead on \our feet." One sex n.aniac disguised ;is ; mortician attempts 'o seduce her with he romantic line; "Hry, I wains Wave me cold. Iiow'd\a like some arm i out?" THE NEW Ml WA ^1 Happy H?"r Draf 4-7 MUNtY 6/ This Thursday, I sandwiches - 2701 Ro ridiculou i looking i I>ater on in the film, he tries to rape her, and she stabs him many, many times with a fork to which he responds, "Don't worry, I'll never do that again!" The main plot rambles around a redhead from Pennsylvania < it was hysterical when her voice said "I'm from Pennsylvania," and her lips said "Gobble-dee, n.ungamacaroni!") whose apparent suicide has Simona, her boyfriend and the redhead's brother <lhe mad priest) baffled. tiif, hi:i..\tio\siiii> that DKVKl-Ol'S between Simona and hor hovfripnri is intnrrslinf* H<> is a photographer, and every lime we see him in action, lie is in I he same spot on lop of I he same building. According lo him, il lakes more patience to photograph stone than corpses, but " hey both hold still for you, that's for sure! ' Every time they come close lo making love, Simona envisions a cadaver on top of her and stops the action. The boyfriend's thoughts on the matter: "Boy! I didn't know things were this messed up!" As the story tries to develop, we are confused by apparent suicide after apparent suicide, and the emerging of several ridiculous and meaningless characters. Kvery lime Simona is alone, I he director tries to scare us with silly background music, which consists of moaning women. It is ineffective, and the viewer knows I DAI! Rosewood SI "The best hoi JXc^I ^ if]/ r i $.25 BRANCH i AlA trau Friday, & Saturday Inrno nnmprmm sewood Dr. s; into nothing is going to happen. "Autopsy" is a farce. It does not build to a climax; rather, it falls like a wet noodle. Pnrhnnc (tin l\nel tiMitr I onm i v.i nupo iiiv- uv oi n ?j iu ouur marize "Autopsy" is to quote the taxi driver as he dropped a frenetic Simona at her apartment. "Hey lady, you forgot your change! Hoy, snmo nonnlp nu?ht;i l;ikn ;in :im. bulance, not a taxi!!" This film should have been taken by am bulance directly to the movie morgue and deposited. "Al'TOPSY" KKI'KKSKNTS a slice of life which is definitely not. \MJI III JlMmillg nil U. 11 Id <11IUII ll'I 111 a seemingly endless line of "underground" films which exploit violence and sex. To pay money lo see a film like "Autopsy" would he a grave mistake. It's not even good I rash! Perhaps the highlight of the show was "Half-Empty Saddles," ;i Woody Woodpecker cartoon which preceeded . "Autopsy." Set in Forsaken, Arizona, (he plot involves Woody locating some loot and being accosted by a huge bearded thug, reminiscent of Brutus from ihe old 1'opeye cartoons. For about five minutes Woody I uiu|ja iv.i ge iicuv^ iiujciu* mi iiic bad guy's feet and head, and ultimately dupes him into riding out of town on a wooden horse. The plot of the cartoon was simple, and was carried out quite nicely. RY-0 I lopping Center i dogs in fown!" ~ i ? " j Budweiser I Old Mil waul ITuborg Heineken Stroll's 1714 Saluda (5 Poinl 799-8567 o Geilsto f By WAYNE DOLKSKI t> flamecock Staff Writer it ts I VI Contemporary Sounds will tl present The Geils Band in concert, at 8 p.m., Monday, I; Nov. 28 at Columbia's Township t< A i trlii Ariiim M nuuuui IUIII . * Formerly the J. Geils Band, si Geils has just released a new h album, "Monkey Island," to s] enthusiastic critical response. Geils has never been known for being much of a studio band, S preferring a live show, but tl "Monkey Island" has been a uniformly hailed as Geils finest s work to date. b "Monkey Island" follows the d "Blow Your Face Out" doublelive album, which was their t second attempt at packaging s I their dynamic live sound into an a album format. a The past few years have v found (Jeils in that holding C position, not winning many new P fans and not gathering much critical acclaim. $ t MOKK THAN a year ago, 1 ^ when Cieils hit the studio to I VfflSmsi m m m * IUI C A Gourmet's Deli Happy Hour 4::H)-7:00 Mon.-Sat. Gourmet Sandwiches Served Till 12 Great Drinks Nightly Entertainmi Open Mon.-Fri. 11-2 a.m., Sat. tl-K kee x69 A ~ - I | tf i79| Il/iri/ /-v r- r |r\i^r\-^rr- i YOUR I: PREGAMF I I WITH REFRI FROM THE A A /\ r T AV A i Iivwjz I Sa Win Wl" terform egin "Monkey Island," they iade the decision for the first me in their careers to produce lemselves. A few tracks on "Monkey >land" show this new direction ) be a promising one. Peter k'olf readies down and delivers uniusiriiiig vucuih wnue icinng is story of life under the potlight in "I'm Falling." "WHIX K.\(ilC" builds from eth Just man's simple organ h rough J. Coils acoustic guitar nd into an explosive climax of ound that is comparable to the est material Geils has ever lone. It's good to see Ceils get on rack and deliver a clean studio ound in a solid format. They ire now celebrating their 10th : ..... ....j ? 11 iiiiiivi-! r-i.ii v iinu inv; new uiuum kith a lour that will hit 'olunibia's Township on Govern I mm- 28. Tickets for the concert are $3, ;4 and $5 ynd are available at he Hilt l' Travel Center, I'ownship. and Taylor Street 'harnMcy. i )C?K> ght ^)pen 11 a.m. for Lunch Disco open at 4:30 Midnight nt Dinner served 1 nightly 6-12 gMm W Saluda Ave. Tu X| Wine & Liquor ^ I PARTIES I ESHMENTS I AREA'S I \PLETE SELECTION I luda Ave. |