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MitzI Vivaldi Mitzi Advise BY MITZI VIVALDI Dear Mitzi Vivaldi, I am an 18-year-old boy who is terribly turned on by the sight of a woman's nose. Naturally, this causes a lot of embarrassment every time I walk down the street, and I have taken to wearing a long raincoat. How can I get over this? Pinocchio. Dear Pinocchio, Go to a Barbra Streisand movie, sit in the back, and let come what may. Mitzi Vivaldi. Dear Mitzi Vivaldi, I am the ombudsman (betcha don't know what that is) at a small Southern university and I have trouble getting people to like me. I mean, I hang around the student union building all the time, and I (4 always speak when spoken to, Have a problem? Write to Mitzi N Campus. St s "RMN" Abou take all my meals in the cafeteria with the students (it makes my stomach turn-the food and the students) and I try to go around -and show people that I'm basically a very nice guy. But nobody shows me any attention. What am I doing wrong? Mike. Dear Mike, Have you tried dealing? That's what half the kids do it for any way. They're lonely and they want to be popular. I know it's illegal, but what the hey! It's a status thing. Mitzi. Dear Mitzi Vivaldi, Whenever I wear a paper bag over my head, I always worry a bout perspiration. Will this prob lem affect my religious life any? B.G. Dear B.G., Have you ever thought about switching to baggies?A number of rivaldi c/o GAMECOCK, Drawer A, Londay Nig: udent Spec *2.99 U.S. Choice Sirloin Choice of Potato Salad Bar C 741 SALUDA AVE.- F COLUMBIA, SOUTH C t Dishonesty ny friends have, and it always eems to work. A word of caution, though--don't get caught around my elephants, or you may meet i doom sooner than you expect. Mitzi. CONFIDENTIA L to "RMN:" Your economic measures would mprove greatly if you could just realize that there are those around you who are not entirely honest. 4nd stay out of those deserted Florida beaches with Bebe. The Gutenberg Experin BigJimDi BY HARRY HOPE Dear Diary: Well, I think I have just had the freakiest experience of my life this evening. I mean, it was outta sight, as the kids say. You see, Tom was making a speech somewhere, and I was hang ing around the house when Jim Dickey called. He wanted to take me to a wrestling match. Well, I figured it would get me out of the house, and maybe Jim wouldn't be so bad in a crowd. So he picked -me up and we went over to Township and lined up. There were all kinds of people there--farmers, truck drivers, Cub Scouts, and construction men. Jim and I got seats right at ringside and waited for the fun to begin. I promise, Diary, I never saw anything like it in my life. My ex perience with wrestling is limited to--well, you know what, and I lit Reservations Please IVE POINTS AROLINA 29205 GAME( Although The Gamecock i students of the University is not an official publication< opinions expressed herein di resent those of the univers or all the staff members of Editor ................ Th Managing Editor ......... Advertising Manager .... Circulation Manager Staff Contributors ....... ent :keyCome. eally thought that this was going o be a decent affair, with clean-cut natch. Boy, was I wrong. In the first match, Killer Lefko witz and Sweet Baby James fought it out. I didn't believe it: Killer had Sweet Baby James caught up in the ropes and was beating on his head with both fists. Jim was sitting be side me going "Look at that! Look at that! Blood! He's really drawing blood! What a man!" He was drawing blood, until the tiny packet of ketchup slipped out just Ps the referee was slammed in to the turnbuckle of the ropes and went for a loop onto the concrete. Sweet Baby James won the match with his ' Golightly Four," which looked more like a human pretzel than anything else. The next bout was a tag team match for the championship of the Lower Congaree River Valley. The teams were the Steamroller Bro thers against Great Big Joe and Beerbelly Smythe. All four men were at least 6'6", and Great Big -SALE 25% OFF INNER CITY QL ADRAQS 2016 GREEN STREET (AT FIVE POINTS) Anyone who witnessed thi curred late Saturday.night on a Triumph sports car and a contact the Student Goverm House. You may drop by ai Leventis or Allen Ward. If ti 4256 and leave a telephone r reached. JOCK ; a publication of the Df South Carolina, it )f the university. The ) not necessarily rep ity, the sudent body The Gamecock. omas Ansel Price II Betty Woodruff ........Ed Terrio .....Larry Edmond ........Bob Craft Terry Dugas Harry Hope David Simpson Marshall Swanson Of Age Joe and Beerbelly Smythe. must have weighed at least 400 pounds ipiece. They started rolling around the ring and even the referee got out of the way. Then the Steamroller bro thers' manager, "Bruiser" MacKen zie, picked up a pre-arranged fold ing chair, rushed into the ring and broke the chair over Beerbelly's head. Beerbelly picked him up-all 350 pounds of him-and threw him out of the ring. And you guessed where he landed-flat on Jim Dick ey. The people at the auditorium sent a 20-man crew over to get Bruiser off Jim, and then sent a clean-up crew to scrape Jim off the floor. Well, we piled him into a laundry bag, and I took a cab home. The last I saw of Jim, he was ly ing in the bag and saying," I've been crushed by violence! That guy drew blood! Hot damn, I feel like a man now!" I hope that takes care of his problem. I hear Tom coming in right now, and it sounds like he brought half the Shriners in South Carolina with him. Guess I'll stoke him up on Cranapple Juice and hit the sack. Goodnight, Mary e traffic accident that oc Rosewood Drive involving city police cruiser, please haent Office in the Russell ad speak with either Leigh uis is inconvenient call 777 unmber where you may be