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Gamecock Thursday, April 26, 1973 Opmions 00 RWBPONM& $H/P, WA RE6T OF VW 6MV AMMZ SO "t/ CAN 6ET 70 Mr V77rW Q= 11HS MESS/!' Green St. Hearings Green Street -the issue students have studied since last year, for which they formulated plans this semester-has reached the public hearing state. At the hearings Wednesday morning at city hall, the closing of Green Street will be discussed by student Body President Rita McKinney, Harold Brunton, vice president for business affairs, probably Columbia businessmen and anyone else with an argu ment to make. McKinney and Brunton should argue the same point-that a section of the street should be closed, but the businessmen's inter est are not exclusively for the students well being, but for their businesses which may be affected. A student argument can best be made by students, so it would behoove us, if we can find the time in the midst of exams, to attend the hearing. OK41 MEN, 74KE 7 N4T HILL! X M1I4N, 7?E Pt RfAI/tV D'ON'T HAVE 70/IF b/HG1HE W 7g Vou/ pov'r WA TO... /1(-4. OR NO7'.. The Gutenberg Experiment. The Awards F4 BY HARRY HOPE, PATRICK TYLER & BOB CRAFT For the third year in a row, this colum nist is proud to bestow the coveted "Gutenberg Awards" for stupidity, inep titude and general non-functionalism above and beyond the call of duty. The awards and recipients are: THE FIRST AMENDMENT MEMORIAL AWARD - to the USC Board of Trustees, for their contributions to the free flow in information by stifling the terms of Paul Dietzel's contract. That's a lot of money, fellas. THE GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER MEMORIAL PEANUT - to USC president Thomas F. Jones, for fearlessly declaiming that blacks are "genetically inferior" then trying to find the right flavoring so that his foot would taste good. Good going, Uncle Tom. THE TAMMANY HALL AWARD FOR BOSSISM - to USC trustee Michael J. Mungo, for his fair and open campaign for a seat on the board of trustees. Let's see them swallow that one in the legislature. THE MARCUS WELBY NOSE PICKING AWARD - to the USC administ ration and trustees, for successfully ignor ing the holy city of Charleston in their juest for a second medical school. THE THREESCORE AND TEN AWARD - to Sol Blatt, for living so long, and not knowing it. THE GLORIA STEINEM AWARD - to Sherry Shealy and her fight against the Equal Rights Amendment, with provision that she list this award next year in the legislative manual. Actually you can't blame her for not wanting to get drafted. THE ERNEST HEMINGWAY VERILITY SYMBOL - to James Dickey, who hasn't done anything all year, whi.ch is the point of. this award. Think about it. THE PAT BOONE CROWN OF THORNS AWARD - to all the Jesus Freaks, for bring ing Bob Jones University to Columbia. Remember, Jesus was a man, also. THE SAINT FRANCIS OF ASSISI AWARD - to Vice-President for Business Affairs Harold Brunton, for turning this campus into concrete and steel. By the way, Hal, the auditors are coming. THE CINDERELLA AWARD-to student body president Rita McKinney, for defy ing the evil witch by turning from a pum pkin into a student body president. We like the pumpkin better. W DAMP ANY#/i 70 ME M7OM - ,At-l AR4t E HACK T&' 7h R463 ANDP RE4K! r Stupidity THE J. EDGAR HOOVER MEMORIAL JUNIOR G-MAN BADGE - to.Solicitor John Foard, for finding out about all this crime, and then not dying. THE MUDDY ASTROTURF AND GOLDEN JOCKSTRAP AWARD - to the USC football team for its splendid 4-7 record. LeHeup, kill! THE- SMOKEY THE BEAR AWARD - to Bell Camp Director Phil Lownes, for turning his head while the basketball team burned down Bell Camp. THE GRIMMS FAIRY TALE AWARD - to Julie for letting her story be known, and to the Gamecock for buying it. THE HOWARD HUGHES MEMORIAL AWARD - To the National Socialist Fourth World Order-thank God they stayed in their closets. THE CONSTIPATION AWARD - To Bryant Wright for saying this system is viable and can work. THE SIDEWALK HOST AWARD - To the Columbia rapist who has been trying to keep our co-eds happy-despite them selves. THE WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST AWARD - To the Gamecock for failing. THE MARCEL MARCEAU AWARD - To Head Coach and Athletic Director Paul Dietzel for making us laugh while keeping his mouth shut. THE CRACKER JACK PLASTIC MEDAL AWARD - To Kevin Joyce for standing up to those commies. Today the basketball court, tomorrow the world. THE LESTER MADDOX MEMORIAL AX HANDLE - To the USC Law School. THE EX-LAX AWARD - To the Crucible for making it out this year-once. THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL AWARD - To the University Union for dilligently dis posing of half of all student activity fun ds -those were some great marshmallow roasts fellas. THE GROUND HOG AWARD - To George McGovern-you can come out now George. THE U.S. GRANT WARREN G. HARDING ADMINISTRATION AWARD-To President Richard M. Nixon and the electronic industry of America. This COnCludes the reading of the word. May God have mercy on us all. Th'7N/ &WAR cv PyV67y /g 60 AO MtHf $/MptaR THAN fl*HE WAP IN v/m~rmA1