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Too Late To Class By PAUL "SCOOP" LEAGUE WANTED: A Columnist who is different. One who .may picture the darker 'rather than for ever the lighter side . . . and thus you have this plot-o'-type, dedicated to reporting the truth even when it hurts PERSONAL: a kiss . . or maybe imper sonal, as defined by a Carolina freshman English prof who says, "a kiss-is a noun, but it is gen erally used as a conjunction. It is never declined and is more common than proper. It is not very singular, in that it is usually used in the plural" anyway, it agrees with men ... LOST AND NEARLY FOUND: or a vignette entitled-Aesop's Fables; 1941. The following is presented for the moral contained therein, and with apologies to Paul Barrett who originated the idea ... . . Once upon a time (as all fables must begin) the 2,000 little peoples of the country of Karola, led to believe that they governed themselves, held an election to determine who was to be their chief minister-an officer whose sole duty, sad it is to say, was to caution them against bibulousness on the eve of their war game with Karola's ancient enemy, Klemsonia. At first these elections were carried on in a very simple manner, but as it is with little peoples, they began to emulate the methods used in bigger territories and thus it was that politics entered the elections of Karola. First came small groups, then machines, and finally in the year 1940, the small nation was split in twain one party against another, and needless it is to mention the advent of caprice and the hard feelings that must have resulted. One wise scholar of the tribe, warned the nation through the week ly scroll, that, although politics were come to stay, they could.avert the term "dirty" that was bound to follow, by forming open politi cal parties, and forthwith set himself to that end. He first aproached the party of the recently elected chief minister, who immediately gathered around him his staff of advisors, in cluding even some inevitable "yes men." These men were designated as to rank and appellation as to how they had helped the cause. There was "the general", a grinning handsome fit to win any co ed's vote; "the dictator", a bespectacled braintrust in one; the shrewd head behind the throne-"the king"; and many lesser lights. "No," they chorused, and no was the answer that the head of the party-the chief minister, gave the scribe, as to open political parties. Sadly this scribe searched for the other party, but that organi zation had shared a fate with Margaret Mitchell's wind. But lo and behold, during h;q darkest hour, without his knowl edge, a mysterious group had formed, declaring themselves per - petrators of a so-called open party-"the Non-Partisan League," promising that all Karolians might run it should they so desire. The scribe was overjoyed that his dream had come true, rushed to publish the news and to examine such a long wished-for thing. But sad to say-and we'll take our moral from it, since we're so close to the end of this fable-that new "open" party was only a blind; in reality just another whisper conference; a cabal against the common man. The scribe like the famous Diogenes, is still searching-not for an honest man altogether-but for an open political party. An so Pur fable ends . . . MISCELLANEOUS: Victim of eligibility-that grey ghost of Carolina football which strikes via the class-rooms was not only Alex Urban, the famous "jeep", but the nation's highest scoring woman half back, a Carolina sorority gal who won her fame in a co-ed football feud . . . Both have left school . . . Sara Rushton, of tennis team fame is also out of school but for an entirely different reason . . . she landed a job . . . with no attempt to emulate the famous Fifth Column we, institute an award-the blackest of black feathers, with the significance attached that the name implies . . . to those motorists who still use Green, Pendleton and all streets bordering the University for a race track we give the feather and only wish we had some tar to go wvith it... possibly they don't know wvhat fools they are but many a life is in their hands and endangered thereby ... Carolina's yearbook, the Garnet and Black, recently won top honors ChnWace in the nation, for its 1940 edition. SYLVAN BROS. Sterling Silver COE N M YJEWELERS & DIAMOND MERCHANTS K1~I 3ENUINE MERCHANDISE ONLY - NO PLATE NO IMITATION COR. MAIN & HAMPTON - COLUMBIA. S. C. DRUG STORE _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ OUT RATE DRUGS EVNMO RC. -~ for ?4-hour service Soda an Luchenete IDIAL 8103 then cownt the minutes Motorcycle Delivery ____ ___ __ ' CAROLINA'S -mrShack 's MOST POPULAR Made In Columbia 9RESTAURANT FRE8H DAILY ________________ Bihari's Restaurant E A T229 ampon Ae. SANCKEN'SLer ICE REAM Ball Room Dancing :-: Register Now :-: Manufactured By Fetner -McCulloch Richiand Dairies """**IOL*OF"ANCING 81 Woodrow - Phone 5482 Columbia, S. C. O,. See Wa.le H.o Male Is Found'In No Man's Land Of Sims Dormitory Scandal And Evil Rumor Besmirch Fair Name Of University Dormitory By Morris Mozursky What has been admitted by all to be the scoop of the year has been finally uncovered. State the editors, "This is a scoop to end all scoops.' The scandal of scandals has taken place. The male has invaded Sims woman's dormitory. From all ac curate reports available (and we do mean gossip) the criminal was smuggled into the building between 5 and 6 o'clock in the evening. This is the first time this has been ac complished and authorities are in vestigating to find how it was pos sible. Declare witnesses, "It was an overt and premeditated action." Added to this was the statement by some girls who happened to see him in the building, "He was in the arms of some unidentified girls." No action has yet been taken but all sources are directing their efforts to apprehend the offenders. No proof has been collected but all in dications point to Elsa Meyers, freshman from Charleston, and a ten month-old baby boy, Elsa's young first cousin. One-Act Plays Are Given February 20 Emeralds And Bracelet On Sparkling Program For the first presentation of the semester, Prof. M. G. Christophersen has two one-act plays in rehearsal due to go on the boards sometime about Feb. 20. The first of these plays, directed by Christophersen, is a psycholog ical drama called "The Emeralds". it concerns an ill-omened set of jewels which a wealthy banker gives to each of his three wives, and the misery and separation that follow these "emeralds." Curtain time will find James Anderson, Louise An derson, Marjorie McBride, "Duckie' Brockman and Amanda La Roach in the leading roles. "The Bracelet," directed by Bob Quinn, rounds out this duo. This pJay is a mystery thriller along the familiar lines-a weird old house, an eccentric uncle, an atmosphere of impending doom and-to top it off a murder. Plenty of action and a surprise ending. Featured in this piece are Jane Loyal, Dot Sligh, Arnold Muir, Bill Tennant, Russell Green, Sam Graham, Polly Ann Wolfe and Constance Long. Also in rehearsal but schedule for a later release is the three-act comi edy "One Mad Night," about wvhich more w ill he written later. ELITE CAFE I"COLUMBIA'S MOST UNIQUE" IWhere Students Meet j and Eat 1736 MAIN STREET :-: ALWAYS OPEN MARS I Mid -Winter 4 NOW *GRIFFON SUI *MANHATTAN *SPORT COATS *SLACKS *HATS 11535 MAI] Columnbi a "A GOOD 1823 TAYLOR STEET Lil shes Fim Miss Jane Crum, junior Journali, week has been "burning up the linki She has already defeated the qualify Local Orchestras Jump And Jive In Jazziest Jamboree Township Auditorium Will Ring With Favorite Music From Eight Top Bands The rafters of the Township Au ditorium will ring with divers brands of swing next Thursday night when eight dance bands-ranging in size from eight to 16 pieces-will vie for top honors in South Carolina's an nual Jamboree of Jazz. A battery of band stands will circle the big arena and the music will rotate, while dancers and spectators decide for themselves which organization de serves the mythical crown. Thrown in for good measure and directly preceding the dance will be a short concert by the 28-piece 118 Infantry Fort Jackson band, begin ning at 8:30. This crack outfit, con scripted National Guardsmen from Savannah, will offer a balanced va riety of stirring marches and semi classical compositions. The swing festival will have a de cided Gamecock flavor, for more than half of the one hundred musicians participating are either presently en rolled at Carolina or at one time at tended. Volunteering their services for the event will be all of the old favorites and several new ones: The College "N", Westbrook, Spann, Mance, Brazelle, the 128th F. A., and the Wharton Ford Quartette. HOT LUNCHES Sandwiches of All Kinds UNIVERSITY GRILL WE DELIVER IPhone 93320 i A L L'S learance Sale 3S AND O'COATS SHIRTS NI STREET ~TUDENTS! or excellent work 'on your rundry leave it at the Canteen. Ye can give you one day ser ice ...and SPECIAL RA2fES TO STUDENTS Laundry LAUNDRY" PRHONE 2-2147 - e a Golf Form im student frotn Orangeburg, this " in the Palm Beach golf tourney. ing medalist, Elizabeth Hicks. There are 107 students enrolled in the University Naval ROTC unit this semester. ALWAYS OPEN Toddle House 1419 Gervais Street D Broadway's Newest Star CAROL BRUCE of "LOUISIANA PURCHASE" (0yigt1411-1 - Lig Cop~ Sight1 Touthc Caaln Electric & Ga Co. Discussion Group Turkey Supper Held. Tuesday Night To Honor Preston 2nd 3ob, Griffith, Journaliim Senior Chosen To Lead Groups This Semester; Conteits Last Seven Weeks 3 The YMCA Discussion Group Educator-Counselor turkey supper will be given next Works In Extension Tuesday night, Feb. 11, at the Uni.. Eversity High Cafeteria at six Eugene TI. Lices, forum- counselor. o'clock. All members of the winning :f the United States office of edu- ' :ation, is now at the University of group, second floor Preston east, Sout isinat the will be present and all members of 3outh Carolina working with the any group who have not missed any ,xtension division in holding forums meetings. n civic education throughout South At this time the organization of Carolina. the groups for the present semester Lies also will work in Florida, will be discussed and the students 3eorgia, Alabama and Tennessee will -go to their tenements to or uteowila,spendamos ofd hinsse ganize their groups, however this )ut will spend most of his time in meeting will not be counted on the South Carolina towns. attendance rating. - S T Y-L E Q U A L I TY P R I C E. O0P0O. $ .5 MAYO'S 1426 MAIN STREET o YOU SMOKE THE CIGARETTE THAt0 .. .. .. it's the. milder better-tasting cigarette ...the smoker's cigarette Chesterfield has so many things a smoker likes so well that it's just naturally called the smoker's cigarette. You always enjoy Chesterfield's COOLER, BETTER TASTE ..and they're really MILDER-not strong or harsh. Get yourself a pack of Chesternields. CROWING CAROLINA COMMUNITY CUT-RATE DRUGS~ Five Points