The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, April 01, 1934, Image 1
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ALL THE DIRT THAT WILL NOT HURT
- > c:
; -life"; JUB * ? 'ii
This conoootion is dedicated ?# 71 A FI t#ISS W"* ?* r\ w?arm
to that prince of snoopers, # //I /O r^l 111/ 1 >ISsHk & ? Bm, ?111 1 I BeinS Amcky we refused to
the wee Ferret. t ? [si^, S % Jr WW i 9 I date this on a Sunday. Cal^
1 ? I\I\L I ^*2?
?u? & & UNIVERSITY OF -jjfc SOUTH CAROLINA
Volume X, Code X, Buna X ^^^aggggggaBa^MeaMe^^^=^ =====================--5-??= =====
COLUMBIA, 8, C? CRUDE YEAR S EVE, 1934 H1 . A ,
? ' Slaughtered April 1, 1934
Outraj
Big Boi
?
Plenty Action Promised 1
Puzzling Problems Prove Perplex- i
ing To Powerful Political
Prognosticators
*
"Dis ycre Bo's Arts Brawl is going \
to be the ftuts," Ed Salamander, royal
boo of the organization, said yestcr- 0
day. "We have gotten the full sup- '
port of brother Miller and before the
night is over we will be rolling them
in aisles. The younger members of .
the faculty have also promised their j
support." l'
Meanwhile a heated fight has been ^
raging on the campus as to who shall ^
be queen of the ball. Queenie Runt,
who was elected last week in a stormy
election at the regular meeting of the
W. A. A, after she was refused the .
support of the Tri-Not fraternity, was
denounced vigorously last night by j
Ben Woodruff, leading candidate producer
in the race for May Queen and jj
Professor Joe Norwood's little pal. "The
election was as illegal as the
one the German club pulled last year," .'
he stormed. "Why I cast enough
votes myself to prevent the dirty little ^
runt's election and I want to see juslS(
ticc done." Woodruff's candidate was ^
Miss Jimmie M. Black. .
A new issue was injected into the
fight last night at a meeting of the ^
student body when Tooley Gressette _
announced that he was leading the
Kappa Spirits Klub in an effort" to (
stamp out "doity" politics on the *
campus. He was ably seconded by
J. R. Bell, president of the Euphradian
juvenile court, and author of the
(Continued on Paga I; Column !> E
Terror Grips r'
Yellow Crew
n
Cuffbutton . Capsized J
Lion Charges Bewildered Staff te
Members, Catching Them A
Without A Hero h
j,
Terror paralyzed the crew working on Q,
the annual Foul Ferrett Wednesday night
when, with belly to the ground a growl- j.
ing lion invaded the busy reportorinl
rooms. First warning of danger was
sounded when Pearl Gray Cuffbutton, dirt j
editor, emitted a harsh cry of "traitor."
On second sight, however, he changed his
cry to "Lion." He was so frightened o1
that his hair turned perfectly white.
The menace was almost averted when
Cuffbotton threw a few votes in the
beast's way. However, the lion merely
gapped, and proceeded to double cross w
the reporter. (The double cross may be w
seen now if you can catch him with his ?'
britches down.) The animal's low growl
was accentuated by a regular thump- "j11
thump as he beat the floor with his tail. c
At this time the whole staff was a melee
<>f fainting girls and vote-tossing boys.
Cuffbutton tried in vain to hide behind
the skirts of three girls, but found that
the old full skirt aint what it used to be. c
Thus deserted, he tried to hide in a carpet
bag, but found that the dust in it suffocated
even a dirt reporter. So with a
sheepish grin at his tormentor the double- _
crossed, deserted, cufflink rolled out of *
sight amd has not been heard from since.
Responding to the uproar in the reportorial
rooms, our alert Editor, John
Dillinger, dashed upon the scene and ^
(Continued on P*j)? It Column I)
IT, ?. O. S
Demon At Lawh n
Referees At Spree lfl'
A glass by glass account of the cock- I
tail hour held during the recent meeting I
?f the Bah Association was given by
Nearly Dierson, who acted as Head- h
linesman. According to this authority the w
locals won by a shaker afte^ three days o
of steady going with only one time- tl
out during which the officials went to an o
Ice-cream Parlor for refreshments. o
This epoch-making event is the best B
since he was Chief-Guzzler of the Buf- s<
falo Burpers, said Nearly. ^
L
L.. . v _ '
ged R
0 Boos
Scouts Enfold
Teetotal Club
Veinifeld Wields Wand
otillion Achieves Cherished Ambition
After Clientele Concludes
Conscribed Conditions
Word was received early this triorng
that the University Cotillion club
id been given permission to become
le first campus troop of Boy Scouts,
he announcement was made by Prossor
Bob Wcinefeld, who will act
1 scoutmaster for the troop.
The Cotillion club, which has been
ir the past few years the backbone
: the temperance movement on the
Linpus, has been petitioning for the
larter for a number of years and it
as only after Ed Sottingcr, Dizzy
oger, and Ed Nevergold has succcssilly
demonstrated that they could
iss the merit badge in billard drinkg
that the petition was finally
ranted. The test was considered at
ic last cotillion and inspectors were
) impressed at the perfect pass the
iree made that they recommended
le charter be granted.
The announcement was greeted with
3th regret and enthusiasm by faculty
(Continued on Pane I; Column 3)
V. 8. O.
Scandal Scares
Sion Secretary
telle Brashly Branded
mbecile Evidences Innocent
Slushes In Fell Clutches
Of Icy Iceman
Convicted of flagrant violation of the
[aim act, O. G. Belle, secretary of the
ouug Morons Christians Assiety at the
'niversity of Souse Carolina, was senmced
to life imprisonment as Maternity
dvisor to the Dean of Women at Coimbia
College (phone number 7275) by
ndge Ben Lindsey at the recent session
f the Criminal Court.
In summing up the case the Judge had
ic following statement to make:
"The most fiendish crime heard of since
ic days of Jack the Ripper, gentlemen,
is been committed by this man, this
/olfe in sheep's clothing, this perferter
f female youth, this and that.
"The eight-year old blue eyed blomde
mghter of Wilburn Bleary and Mrs.
[oonshine (What does Go on Behind
hat Curtain," by Earl Dcrr Biggers),
as walking home from Sunday School,
hen Belle drove up in his ice-wagon and
Tered to drive her home.
"Ha ha little girl," he said with glee
id a big O. G. Belly laugh. "What say
t's go to the Ice Cream Emporium and
et an ice-cream sody ?"
Sody doing, they drove over The State
ne into the Record Office, where they
-ere nabbed by Constable Icy, who was
oking for a cool spot to rest his case.
"Come along, Sheriff," Belle invited,
join the party."
(Continued on Page ' Column t)
" a. o.
lives Shatter Quiet
Dreams of Babcock
"My hives annoy me exceedingly,"
amplained H. C. Babcock, snappy
ancing-master of the University of
outh Carolina. "I can't sleep at
ight, and they need so much attenon
that I can never find time to
nish my novel. If it were not that
am engaged on a scientific research,
would throw up the whole thing."
"Anyone who has had three whole
ives under his window will agree
ith me that there ought to be some
ther way of keeping Bees. One day
ie hives broke out, and the contents
ozed all over the place. Thousands
f flics buzzed around, all trying to
lee first at the honey. The little insets
got on a limb, and the buzzing
-as terrific," he continued.
lunner
t s Bo's
Scout Master 1
i
c
<
<
c
1
I
<
1
I
I
I
<
Professor Bob Weinefeld, who was '
recently selected scoutmaster for the '
Cotillon club. (
Taker Pound Low 1
In Spirited Fray
Dead drunk on the floor of the
geology laboratory, the bottle which ,
brought forth this sad plight ,
clutched in one grimy hand, Dr. ,
Stephin Labor, head of the department
of geology, was recently discovered
by Dr. Taker, president of
the University. j
"Here, Stephin," Dr. Taker muttered,
grabbing him by the shoul- \
der. "You shouldn't get drunk in j
the laboratory. Mr. Seibles won't ]
like this."
'T'hell with Shcebles," Labor ;
grunted. "I never did like dat mug i
anyway. Why can't I get drunk if
I want to? There ain't no law ,
against it." j
With these words he raised him- ;
self on his elbow and took another I
swig. This was too much for i
Takef-. <
(Continued on Page I; Column 2)
A Bally Ball
Come gather round, and listen the while
I tell a sordid tale
Of greasepaint, wine, and laughter and
lights,
And the man who isn't a male?
Of hams, and eggs, and dialects,
And nauseous Thespians nine?
With a shrieking fool at the head of the
list '
And a doubtful fool behind.
I
It seems they were giving a play one
night, i
And after the play a spree.
The mystery of the show was WIIY?
And WHO? was that of the spree.
Harassing
This is what happened to Professor
of the people some of the time but j
-Up R
Arts
Snorter Snorts I
And Triumphs
Platform Embodies Freedom For t.
Fancy Females And Equal
Handicaps For All A
Miss Betty Snorton, Union, was rc:ently
electcd president of the Co-ed Stulent
body, after a close race in which she
lefcatcd both her opponents by the length
>f a hip.
"It was a tight race but I'm glad I
won," declared Miss Snorton of her vie
;ory, "I always was a fancy racer." .
The Girl's Student Body, the brain- tr
:hild of after Ketchup, Gulp woman's a
eadership sorority, was ardently upheld
5y members of the sorority, who declared
they were pushing the scheme in order t.>
?ivc wom^n on the campus a chance to <?]
exert themselves.
Platform of the winner was as follows: G
"I'm agin anything in pants, or union b;
suits. Agin and agin I've seen dem ruin \A
women. I'm for helping the down-trod- d<
len sex. I'm doing my part. * iri
u. b. o. ^j.
Three Go a-Hunting ci
But Cockleburs Win 1
ti
Joe Neece, well known Don Juan L
3f the School of Pharmacy, accom- ^
panied by several rivals of the Hunt, _
namely Pete Oliver and the redoubtable
Frances Vincent (better known
is Wincent) went a-IIunting late J
yesterday afternoon in the vicinity of
the woman's dormitory.
News of the Hunt leaked back to
the campus, and it appears that Joe L
led the field until the quarry left went
home for the weekend. As it were
Pete came back from the Hunt worn
ind weary, bringing no news of the
missing Vincent.
Later the campus got the dope on U]
the mysterious dissappearance. It ap- st
peas that Vincent had taken a flask V(
ilong with him and becoming indif- a(
fercnt to the Hunthad seated himself
under a tree. After consuming the n,
:ontents of the flask with several
(Continued on Page 5; Column I)
ird Of Bums j*
v
The cars filled up and drove away
With never a seat to spare, tj
And after the last had thoroly passed,
Just THREE were standing there.
\v
Just three there were who were left be- ^
hind, tc
Forsaken by all their friends ( ?)? K
The statesman and the quarterback E
And the man behind the lens.
They hung their heads in their grief and te
shame
And plodded their homeward way, tj,
IVith their minds on the wines they could
not drink,
i\nd the games they would not play.
. w
(Continued on P?o? 4; Column S) gc
? h;
Blabcock
: ? I
Blah cock's hat. You can fool some j9
rou can't fool a goat on straw. lx
&? .' v.. <
tins A
Brawl^
Slank Head Bi
fs Locked Up Ra
ntoxication Charged
lso In Decent Exposure; Watts
To Pass Sentence. Keeley Is abc
Scene Of Arrest
"Judge" Bankhcad was arrested last
ght just as he was leaving Ward- ce.n
w College and was lodged in the Wl*
ty jail 011 charges of intoxication and ^
decent exposure. A hearing will 1101
ke place this morning before Magis- pa?
ate J. U. Watts, who is now waging ^5a
fight against disorderly conduct 011 ?CI
ic campus. ^ri
Bankhcad was taken in tow by '>ca
iputy sheriffs Bill Glenn, Vic Laurie, 11 a*
L<Aly-By-Night" Dome, and John
[cadors. The squad was headed by aS
lenn who recently won recognition '>u.?
y his leap from the second story of
/ardlaw in pursuit of several stu- ^0
ents caught playing Polyanna for rcv
loncy. At the time they were on
icir way to Kecly to investigate the
large that there was a gambling sh?
lell" established there. The raid was
ic result of the recent, charges by ^au
auric that Kecly is a "disorderly ^
suse and ought to be cleaned up." *
At the time of his arrest Bankhead ?lK
(Continued on Page 5; Column 2) "'K
u. m. c. the
Pi Phis Have chFinal
Smoker ~~
toss Staggers Sorority i
iremen Find Flames; Conflagrat- 4
i'ng Feminine Foundation
For Females
?: Si
The Pi Beta Phi sorority house went
1> in smoak last night in one of the most
nsational fires ever to occur on the Uni;rsity
campus. The loss was estimated
: $27.30 by local authorities. Sorority
ft icials have stated that the Pi Phis arc
:>t completely covered. tlie
Firemen arrived late at the lire after nea
rst stopping over with the neighboring del
ri-Dolt sorority where a good time was uni
ad by all. Five fireman received in- bef
iries more or less serious and arc now in
>11 fined in the maternity ward of the
nivcrsity infirmary. "if
Fire Chief Raymond Winn stated early eas
lis morning that an investigation was tab
>w going on and confessions had been liol
rung from three members of the Alpha mu
elta Pi sorority that they had set lire tan
1 the house. Those implicated are ?<
Catherine Craven, Cornelia Jackson, and flgl
lizabcth Crcigliton. jr|a
Miss Jackson claimed that it was all a alw
jawstly" mistake and that they had in- sanded
to set fire to the Tri-Dolt house fail
an effort to smoak out some of their call
lis year's pledge class. <
Miss Creighton was more communi- hoi
itive and said that she "didn't care any- fcr
ay." "Even if it was a mistake," she cle;
>bbed, "I'm glad we did it after what '
ippencd last rushing season. of
Several men who have recently taken yoi
(Continued on Page I; Column t) alit
n. 1. 04 of
lellsward Hails ind
Heavenly Helps at
A medical triumph unmatched in his>ry,
was preformed yesterday by Doctor
alniy Helloward, interne at the Uni:rsity
infirmary. It is expected that Dr. <
felloward will leave immediately to as- ^a'
imc the presidency of John Pumpkins na*
>spital.
Bruce Littlcjohnny, the biggest poli- St
cian (in tenement 19), dislocated his big
>e early yesterday morning. ITe immedicly
went to the infirmary and called for I
>r. Helloward. The good doctor rushed as
im into the operating room and in one tj1c
sur and fifteen minutes came to the
x>r to announce: acc
"I am happy to state that Littlcjohnny
the proud mother of a bouncing baby bla
:>y. Both arc doing well." her
muck
Nominee Has
Vlental Lapse
[shop Keeps Decorus
ving- Rush Rails Retreat Of
Recently Revered Race
Victor
'rotesting that her defeat in the
y Queen election had been brought
>ut by illegal methods, Katherine
ish, runner-up in the racc in which
miie Lou Dishup was winner, retly
invaded the womans building
h a gat.
.liss Mush was one of the three
ninees of the judges in the beauty
feant sponsored by Kappa Sigma
ppa. The judges were X. Y. Z.
bles, A. B. C. Bush, and Uncle
lit. Miss Dishup did not enter the
luty contest, but was later nomied
by John Bolt Bulberson.
You '$%?Miss Mush said
she entered Miss Dishup's room,
ihing her against the wall, "maybe
5 will take that grin off your face,
u done me wrong and I'm out for
cnge. I'll learn you to snatch my
one."
iVith a maniacal gleam in her eye
: flourished the revolver.
You're a nut," said Jimmie Lou,
ghing scornfully.
Phis retort cooked the Mush.
Dashing to the window Jimmie Lou
-ned it, saying, "Something's burn".
I better lift the window and let
smell out."
Suddenly there was heard the
irge of the Frail Brigade.
(Continued on Page 5; Column 2)
U. 6. O.
leadtvood, Eh
'If He Could"
lly Sissy Simpers
rpes Enjoy Riotorous Evening
As Somnambulist
Lisps
iteration, with especial emphasis on
superlative variety practiced by guinI
pigs, provided the subject of a lecture
ivered by Joseph Deadwood, of the
versity department of somnambulism,
ore an appreciative group of corpses
the Dunbar funeral home yesterday.
'Now take guinnea pigs," he whispered,
you can take. it. Alteration comes
y with them, although some well esilished
critics have been known to
d the opinion that they attatch too
ch importance to this phase of exisce."
*
Now take Professor Bass, just as a
ire of speech, or preferably with a
ss of water just before retiring. It
'ays proves effective and is often proibed
by doctors when all other means
I. The human depth-bomb, he is often
led."
'Take goats. My kid took one in the
ise and he practiccd a slightly difcnt
form of alteration. The vacuum
uier has never been the same.
'Now, as I look into your faces so full
the joy of living,'I shall deliver unto
i a prime example of the type of
cration that 1 advise to students, most
whom are providentially hindered from
ulging in the more enjoyable forms,
present.
'The sighing southwinds sooth the
summer sea,
Hie silvery seagulls, silent soar on
high,"
[that last word slipped in somehow.)
n you suggest a l>ctter way to observe
ional apricott week?"
uid Blasting Will
Chasten Our Politics
II view of the fact that sand-blasting,
practiced by the C. W. A., seems to be
most effacious means of removing
umulated dirt, all campus politicians
1 be forced to under-go three sandst
treatments a day until next Juvem ,
President Taker announced to-day. ,