University of South Carolina Libraries
DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL (Continued from Page One) migration. to talk about the two catn didates. "It is going to be a hot suim iner," said one old farmer tw(i months ago. lie was right. l.ach candidate set to work. Cool i<lge feels sure of the New Fingland States. but is spending his time in the West. Tomplkias took in the middle wes, as a starter. Ius political friends are caring for tle far west. The South is solid i as usual. Canlidate t0lidge has the following planks inl his plat form: (1) Strict en fiorcement of the prohihitioi law. (2) No dates botween single people (3) A marriage tax (f $10,000 per couple and (4 ) high tax ont mo10vies. lie started his campaign with much success, and wai foflltiwed by the crowds, bit as soon as T11, )mpkinis got his "Big Berthas" to Wirki.ng the coun.try weit wild. lie feels sure of Ohio and ill.. ationg the doubt ful list. This week ie ha., been inl western New York. The crowds have stormed the halls to hear him everywhere. Friday, at Albany, where he was scheduled to speak twice, lie was firced to address five audiences. I,ast night thousands were turned away from the gardens. Thus the demand for him there agaln tonight. Ile will prob ably spend the rest u f tle week inl that eit . The New York Times, a strong Re publica,o paper, has been conductiig a straw vote of tle country. Sunday aight this vopte stood: C(o),lidge 3,000, 000. Tompkins 7,228,350. The majority of the Repuiblicanlt voItes fare inl. but the Slid S"Iuth is Vet to he heard from. The big Replican papers appear dis appointed. Things look tol imich like walk-'ver ior the Diemlcratic man. Ca1paigi mantuger \\V Ills said last aight that Tlmlpkints was gailling pop Ilarit.v dailv. iis platfilaaIr is appeal ing to the tatioan. "I liicve that tur I:aIm will heat "Cal" five .t "nte ill No vember.1." We haveu nit uentered the Now Enigland States. \\e will ntii trv ttae aw y the hlme v Ite" le said. M e\ll", xni s .lthat the W 't is pilin. up strng fr TmIllpkins. "Al" Siitlh 5Ly-s New\ Y iik w%ill p> I)e <ieratie thli year. "\\'ilsoL Lave his life ii or the Nation. le filught fmr the 1,eaguic of Natitns. IHc stomd fIr Demleraev .aandl justice to :all. le los.m but his catase has nat be.a lIst. With tie electionl of TmIllpkins tie tUnited States will so),n take her place at the table 14 nata-ilms." sa d ()ucar '. U lldevId Sinalay xlihl pa"ing thru Chica'. Thc 0011itaay appareaitly is ili it Ill) f r a elalge inl the alili-1trati'i this year. The Republiews amut g4l. T1 much "Tca I".1 ();I" ,candall. and rf \ V1NtAu tiVe Iimcratic almiatistra Ii.n. heatleid by a Imaan \I . . TIllp niversi Styles That Arn Correct fo the' aa thre-buto IF,'nXlie cAl litt aand lonig ro ll ing wvith loose, si rail in our Collegiate lines, -authenatic het ment of t hat grot acknowladgedi as their own individ1 J. L..Mimn i 1..mb Hick Mills Writes Great Book on Love Receives Fine Recommendations From Prominent Members of Student Body Mr. J. 1, Nills (known on the cam pus as H ick) has recently written a great book )1 Love, enytitled: "How to Win the Fl.Iusive Maiden." This great work has met with instant approval. The book is selling so fast that the pub lishers are working overtime so as to stipply the demwid. The book retails for $5.00 and according to Mr. Alan McCutichei it is well worth the price. Mr. McCutcheon, the budding youig love artist of our campus, says ,that inuch of his success is dite to Mr. 'Mills' hook. Dr. Thorne Sparkman, a ienber of the illustrious "Scrub Faculty" has read Nl r. M ils' hook and highly rec onmends it. Dr. Sparkman says that Mr. Mills' ideas about Love exactly coincide with his own. Prof. Karesh, M. A., LL..D., Ph.D., says that lie finds only% one fault with "How to Winl the Flusive Maiden." "It would be a real literary ina9terpiece if it contained a few appropriate Spanish love verses," says Prof. Karesh. Mr. V. J. Thom as. after reading Mr. Mill's master piece, said: "Now I know how t) handle that dear young lady at Coker." These are only a few of the numerous oles wvio have been benefitoted by Mr. Mills' great work. Since the success of his work has he come s4, pronounced in a financial way. NIr. Mills has bought himself a new light green Stetson hat which he wears everywhere. This has caused conster nation am<mg our co-eds. They are w etting uip a petitio 'to beg M r. Mills to discard his heiadpiece. A yotnig 01-ed walked up t(i Mr. Mills the other day oln the campus aiid said itn a sweet VI 'ice: "Mr. Mills. please don't wear a la-t. We Co-eds Simply ad(lre yiur bright red hair." N less to sav Mr. Mills has ,turpo-ely 141st his hat. Th 1l'niversity if South Car.lE.-a is hligly\ honored itn having Mr. Mills in hcr stildeit bdy. Alas! NIM. \ills has 1hC drawback. one tiobstaclh' t,, jtver C"e11C bef-'re his success will be su premte. //' is from: 'Camdi'n! Ii 1 ihrlage Qit a hmi1t1ired on a math illiz. Si,toethiog had;1l to burni up. kis' type is what is eelded. Car.li1:1 udients art preparing to declare a gel hral hliday -Ilte week before the ct ti11n Ow- (tum4thecoutryV filr Ptiriey. Ilurrah fi4tr tile South! Fifteei i.r Siith Ca'Oina. .\ University stulde.l is :Wg i tto be the next president ->f the Iit-d S 0a(ts. ty mlanld of tihe collegiate man is in 'oalt wVith short v'ent--or the lapel--or thie new broad coat t back-they are all to bec seen Room, cut along authentK' -ause they have the endorse ip of University men who are setting the style standards for tal typ)e. augh & Co. Formula Derived For of Expan Charles F. Mercer Proves ti Students in Their Praisi By Storm---Call on The boarditng house world will be revolutionlizel in its entirety by the startling discovery made last evening by Professor Charlie Mercer of the Physics Department of the U.niversity of South Carolina. The entire student body was aroused from its peaceful (?) slumbers at 2:00 A. N. by the joyful and hoisterous shouts of "lKureka ! 'I hava found it I I" I.ven the nightly crap game itn tene ment -- was adjourned to investigate the source of the -turbulent uprising. Hividreds of students poured out into the main (tuadrangle from the doors of every tenemen.t and started on the run for Maxev monument from whence the shrieks seemned to come and where the once dignified professor couldl he seen turning handsprings around the base of this historic stone. When all of the students had gather ed around the memorial nionunent the erstwhile gentleman began to take no tice of his audience. F'ntirely uncon scious as to the informality of the sit uation a.id the varying degree of un dress evident in his hearers. he at once began to explain this u1nusual outburst. As near as ye reporter was able to write down the speech on a friendly nightshirt, this is the substance of his discourse : "Gentlemen: and Mr. ---- 1 am reminded upoi -this occasion of the joke they tell alboit the Johnstown flood (general He-Haw). Well, to proceed. after many himrs of utitirilng analysis and painstakingL research, 1t tto me)n i4-n the cotless hot dawgs cinsuned 1 have at last derived the forniula for Till, C()O.Fe'ICllNT OF lIX.PAN S ION ( )V 11011,1-1') 1'RU'N I.S. I havc fcarlessly laid my life and happi .ecs in the welfare (if .the boarding h1'Ise habitie. I)uring my experimetl tihe safety 4)f life and limb was con stamtly cidanlgered. \With yur grac in. permnis'sii il I shall attemlipt to) ex plain ht,w I m1ade mv discoverv. "it couttless thIosand; whof) have in tlhe ditum years of the past sutfered a rcal timminy ache as a retlilt of over il'Inht-ic cc in t li a. cim'ius and tempt ing noircl, thi 'Rl'N I-', cin now de 1:Oldi1 uinlimdite qu:mttites If that mi(t pit feet fru i if nature; all because ()f U,-r year tile sigilificanlc (if the wrinic in I'RNFI'.S ha, remained ait illsluable mycsterv*. \lny theiirie' have btel advanced 1nly ti fall by the waysidc pr- applic-ationl. Tisidee has bceen Ithe go!"al iif every scceist ill CVery l:ud :imi of mi very enratin. % it Itlay wcll feel litld that i'liv (i1 tin felbiw eiimttnp its ht:Is at last Imale it pissible for the Universimv .sen Ilall tii feedl its bmoatidersimn ab 'ilttely iiiit hiog. "ThIis revehat ii iiht:ms ci>m it hlv ii.t cidit, iine ha;s tii but scan thec extreme as clear a'. umud(. lIeside it 2x2 is. mir. if Revo lut iin. "'Simmly : l'rceedl by way if .\ ain Strneet ti \\iilhtorlth 5 and 10e 'dine. i'asually tpurchase a Santa C'laus mask andi hasitieini home. Place .the mtask utpiin the fane antd slip ituietly belhind( thme biiwl if t'rumnes.it the pantry shel'If, oif tel 'lhoes. Seize line' iif the smaller sp'eit mns let weeni 'the ear aid the kite1cn tabile. thIent flee to the sanctuom if the lalbiratiiry. lIy a ftsiiin iif .thte pariticles lIVI) to ti>e o.i f SI.\I I and thle ciontsequtenttal react in Pl)U inivolvinig the pirobllem of wh ethler green cheese botught ottn Motn iday ican thtree' yards of cloth some4itmes. ShIub oni tm e goi isane ( crazy ) whtilet testitng this theoiry the're is tIhe tutnatic asyhnni. Albove all don'.t forget fmtially to ittr steatiing hat ice water. If this diiesn't ibt ainm the desired result s htent lby thIe add itiiin iif a quart oif carholic acid youi witll have made tIhe best htomeu birew~ y'ou ever 'tasted. Oh boy ! What a k ick !"' (Cries iof '"Hear ! 1Hear !" interrupted lhe distinguishted speaker. Thel ever entthutsiast ic students could wait no lonitger. 'IThey Ii f4ed this \Vorld benue factiir to the(ir shoutlers a.nd begani teir t riumiphant march in the general (irection of Main Street. "The Co-efficient sion of Boiled Prunes" > be Great Creative Genius J of Him Take Columbia Governor and Mayor heavens and to anyone else within the radiis of twx) miles the boon wihich this great man had given to long suffer mng huminanity. Thie disciples of law and order in the shape of the entire Columbia Po lice Department (all both of them, in cluding the chief) sought to stem the 'tide of youthful exuberance. Their efforts were as i,aught, one might as well have bade Niagara to stop its downward . flow. The silver tongued oratory of the great man had corn plk,tely enthralled the tea hounds, din gle pickers, bumpkins, bummers, dar liongs and now the guardians of the peace. ( ?) One of the viser ( ?) ones turned 'n the fire alarm. The high powered Ford truck came tearing down the street at the terrific speed of 18 gasps per hour, throwing cloids of dust to .the sky. The fire department clung desperately to the wheel as he rounded the corner. There was a shriek of the brakes and flhen everything broke loose. I'lie subsequent march to the Gov ernor's imansi(yi ( ?) is now a part of history. The SLENDlR form of his honor shivered as he stood in the scorchiig rays (if the midnight sil and listened 41 the wonderful properties of lIRCI.RIZE.1) l>RUNECS. ReSolitions were adopted oI the spoilt no41W Imnarked by a large howlder, to broadcast the gid tidis ti a wearv and wai'ing w,rld 1 the extempor aneoCus; 'in11ce iing was adjouriied a f tier the singing (If the nati"nal anthem of "mlow I)ry I Am" ( Maybe) du1ritig the renldititII (if which Nlay(ir Coleman If Ci (11n1hia. passed alInIIId his two gal li !,ilver cncasd e micrald studded pokdflasic. DO YOU RECOGNIZE T*he tail 1inde with speo,tacles and fainting Spells? I111m1nilYl. t h, ()r thle Girl with thet Checked Dresses? ' rley, the B Iy 11U.iltifili, 0or lis SPECTATORS LEARN FOOT (C(lilt iniuied fr l) I'aue ()Iie) ur v 'y iitcli '1urprised that the hawl did nitt Split inl half. Ile ."lhen F..I d each teamil ulp 4n11 its Iwn goal Iluec. Th titire facnity was tulis jlaced lin tIe field, for it seems that l:h nm berii If players is limlited Il.ly lY tihe numitler lIf pIIpie who care to Iy the "LET 1 MONDAY, TUESDA' "The Marri Starring Marie Prevost, Vidor, Adolphe Mel Creighton Hale. THURSDAY -- FRII Gloria S, participate anld have the moral cour age and physical stamina to survive. . Bellhop placed the bawl in the mid (lie of the field, srtood on his head (which was the signal for the fray to commence), juimped ip and was over the wire fence in three seconds flat. The two teams charged toward the middle of the field with heads down. In the middle the opposing teams met in a head on collision, with a noise like a clap of thunder. There was a mighty crack and the wire fence on one side of the field went down, for "Old Drag" had gotten slightly off track aaid had butted a fence post. This slight matter was adjusted, the undertaker called and the victims carried off the field, and then the survivors of this charge re .tired to their respective sides of the field. Again the oi-rush, and again those players not so hard of cranium were carried from the scene. This time, however, Professors Green and Smith started pulliig hair. The referee im o/W mlediatly. ilierfered a.nd stopped til wriangle. .\gaii ald yet agaill the tvo team, clalged. anld at still-set "Yates anI *'Stolewall" were the (lily players leift ill linte fraY. These tw() tried time and again to caue SoM damage to each other, but all ill vainl. This Was, per haps, hecauise each is ra4her hard-head ed as to tle lack of value of the silb ject taight by the other. At las-t the gaite was called because o darkness. L;ast niight the Iiieibers o~f the fac ulty staged tile biggest of tile ma.nv liqu(or parties for which they are fam (1uts. "Pat's" little t(,e- was spriin(ed. but that was tih only lasting injur received inl the galic. This llorining "Coach" issued a call for candidates for *pinig lractice. it setiis 'hat we are 1osiig our colleg' slirit. for Tmi Grahiam was the oi canididate to re.port. It's the rest w its hard-ieads go out, c(-e(s included. We want our streets paved. GO . ( AND WEDNESDAY age Circle" Monte Blue, FlIorence jon, Harry Myers and )AY -- SATURDAY vanson in / Scandlal"