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oj 1, - Yoi*At V ni war tax, .you got 1v oe ite'.I Fresl Co-ed: "Why are they all those professors' use'.'. Wise Soph.": "o the young rofessors can get married, of urse,!' ~Fresh Co-ed (innocently): 'Well' is that the reason they ave co-eds at the University?" No excuse for Blount wits on e Carolinn campus when we ve a W.(h)etstone to keep 'em harp. Wanted:.-A volunteer to take e Gee out of sociology. Professor Cook (lecturing on he Three Fates) : "How can a an tell when his fate has over ken him?" Class: "0 please tell us from xperience; professor 1" Prof. Davis: "Mr. Hamptorn, ease translate the passage om the flble about the grain mustard seed." Mr. -H. (searching hopeless ): "Maybe it was turnips, pro essor." Assistant McLaughlin to class first chemistry: "Who can tell e the principal use of hydro n peroxide ?" Bright Fresh Co-ed: "Its most mportant use is blondening the air." Professor Morse (to - student tering .class late) : "Enter thout knocking and stay with ut knocking." McDavid: "All great scien sts believe in evolution. I be eve in it myself." Professor Davis: "Is the sen nee, 'She loves him more than correct ?" deLoache: "No, sir, 'cause she ves him more than me." Dr. Wauchope: "Hardly one of us has ever had an experi nee worth dramatizing." Mrs. -Durham: "I have." Boy Behind Her: "S'ay, what was it?" ,Mrs. Durham (mistakirig his otive as flirtation) : "Aw, don't e silly ; I'm married, you know." ~Dot: "Do you know what sub ject Cornelia Huggins is going to take for her term essay in English ?" Wi "Oh, yes. Folk-lore." L"Toll Miss Cowart of W. H.'s sorrow?" "No, I, won't,- because it may ieve 'er (Mae Griever) ." "All that we have of wealth, 1 that we have of art, all that ehave of culture, is the result labor. Therefore no man oul4 i afraid of work, even if heti to employ someone else Sdo it." She: "'I mutjgo to chapel." He: "What has you there?" She: "The ichaper~ bell, ..of course." Ha$e to tell the _co-eds, but their canival menagerie was in complete. Neither. the dancing Fox ofor the theological Bird was caged. "Why is the noon like a man hard up? Because it often gets down to its last quarter." The Inevitable Tune. "Daddy," pleaded the sweelt young thing, "can't I have an automobile? You can buy one for a song." "Yes," grunted her harassed parent, "and I know what that song will be-"Over the Hill to the 'Poor House." And Well She May. The old hen clucks With pride immense; She's laid an egg Worth twenty cents. - The Swallowtail Weevil. "Hubert's social career is ruined." -"How's that?" "The moths got into his even ing clothes." Little Margaret, who had been punished with an unusual.spank ing by her father, was greatly humiliated by it. Her father coming in from-work that even ing asks of- the child, "Where is your mother, Margaret?" Margaret (calling upstairs) : "Mother, your husband has re turned." Jake: "Mabel's. a tunny girl." Jack: "How come ?" Jake: "I tried-to steal a kiss and it landed on her chin." Jack: "Nothing funny about that." Jake: "I know it, but after so misplacing the kiss she cried out, 'heaven's above.' " Visitor: Who gave the groom the most expensive gift? Neighbor: The bride's par ents. Visitor: What was it. Neighbor: The bride. -Miss Thurst'on: Helen, ,where was the Declaration of Independ ence signed? , Little Helen: At de bottom. Little four-year-old girl to preacher just driving up in two horse buggy: "Oh, you are driving two horses ?" Preacher: "Yes, what of it?" Little Girl: "Mama says you are just a one-horse preacher." D)ora: "How did you vote ?" Flora: "In my bi-own suit and squirrel toque. Franklin H. Corley, B. S., '20, is assistant chemist at the State Laboratory on the Uni versity campus. Ye Guiel1esa Barde I wiste he was a Guileless Barde, Fore eke to plese hys spouse He wrought a bitte of poesie ' All day within ye house. He fetched ye screede untoe ye dame, Aid when she oped ye ode, She dealt hyr lord a buffettinge, Whereat hys blue bludde fliowed. Ye lynes were prettye lynes ynough And thatte whyche caused ye stryfe Was butte ye tytle that he chussed: "Ye Barde to hys first wyfe I" -Columbia Jester. FOOTBALL. 1Ie made a run around the end And was tackled from the rear; The left guard sat upon his neck, The fullback on his ear. The center sat upon his legs, Two ends fell on his chest, While the quarterback and two halfbacks Sat down on them to rest. The right guard sat upon his head, The tackles on his face, And then they called the coroner in To sit upon his case. Lucile Ward. Arthur Harold Eubanks, LL.B., '20, is practicing law in Columbia. His address is 1422 Main street, Columbia. Lottie Irene Brazel, A. B., '20 is teaching school near Hartsville. Lower Main Street 13ANK Nearest to the Students f * "r Essentially a Young Man's Bank Officered by Young Men . tMcMASTERS Athletic Goods S1324 Main St. S COLUMBIA, S. C. :TO M HOOK ~ SClothe and furnish YOU Jenkins: "This suffrage ques- Prof. Kirk: "When did 'ion sure has made me work. Henry eighth live?" ['ve got 15 pages for my speech Treanor: "I forget, Profes )n the 18th Amendment."-You sor; I don't remember." ell 'em, Jenkins, I always did -Exchange. tet women and wine mixed. Let's get acquainted LOAF AT Use our store for your "hang out" GITTMANS' J. S. Pinkussohn Cigar Co. Cigars, Soda, Pocket Billiards SH O P '1307-1309 Main Street THE ARCADE BARBER SHOP IM)OM 3 ARCADE BUILDING WANTED-our friends and the boys at the Univer sity to know that we have left the Palmetto shp and have purchased the Arcade shop, where we are prepared to give the very best service. Give us a trial LEO and ALBERT MAYFIELD PROPRIETORS The Murry Drug Company 921 Gervais St. 1314 Lincoln St. 1216 Main St. Manufacturing and Jobbing Druggists and Spice Grinder Paints, Oils, Varnishes 4o *tatr ?fluk *tore THE STATE BUILDING Complete line Fountain Pens, Examination Pads and other stationery for student's use We Want Your Business A WALTERS K. SHOE -. SHOP 1425 MAIN STREET LISTEN, FELLOWS!!! I have the very thIng you war-t-a book in which to keep all those mementos of these Carolina Days-a MEMORY BOOK, bound in garnet and black, with the Carolina seal and your name and class number stamped in gold on the front. This is pre-eninently a Pictorial Age and every one, wvhether in rublic, private or school life, is keeping some kind of scrapbook Otted to his or her peculiar needs. Are you going to be one of those who, In after years, has only his dim recollections through which to look back upon his schooldays? Or are you keeping every little thing that will enable you to virtually IIVE OVER your college days? "When the mystic haze of years transmutes the rollickIng pleas. ures of school days into golden memories, every memento connected' with that life will become a priceless nugget in the hands of those who prIze them." Don't wait until it is toe late-start a Memi" Book NOW. If you have not already placed your order, let me know and I will call at your room to see you-. FRED C. TURNER, 'Room 8, Tenement 19, neausnune.