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WINNSBORO, S. C., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 1884. ^ . ' '' j is. ? A Year's "Wooing. *Twas Autumn when first they stood on the ! bridge: Ripe pears on the pear tree, ripe corn on the ! ridsre; Tfco swallows Hew swiftly far up in the blue, j L And speeding still southward, were lost to j I view. J' "j f ' Said he: "Can yon love rne, as I can love < ' . you?" She said, quite demurely, "Already I do!" , 1 'Twas winter when next they met on the i The pear frees were brown, and bare was tho j The swailows were feathering their nests in She lQ?te-i in bis face, and she burst into j r* , o * His noge it was pincbed, and his lips they ! were blue. Said sbe: "I can't lovb you!" Said he: "Nor j Iyoui" 'Twas Aprinjrtime when next they .stood on ! <dbe bridge: .And/white was the pear tree and green -was ; f the ridge: ThiC swallows had thoughts of a speedy re- j ^.nd the midglets were dancing a-down the j He savd: "Pretty maiden, let bj-gones go V Can you love no again?" She said: "I can . 'Twas sum:,icr when next they stood on the j I'here were pearson the pear trees, tall corn j on the ridge; The swallows wheeled round them, far up in ' the-blue. , Thf>r? s-wnniied down and snaTJoed ui>a mids let or two. ' Said be: "Lest some trifle should come in the v. way. And part .us again, will you mention, the day?" ? c She stood, looking down on the fast-flowing w rill. Then answered, demureiy: "As soon as you will!" ?Chambers Journal. ONLY A GOVERNESS. A "I suppose I had better dress, and 1 W call on the lady. It's always more satisfactory than writing, as dear papa l used to say,'' murmured Kate Dagnall, lb. as she brushed' vigorously the unruly curls off her broad forehead, that would stay there in spite of all remonstrance. "I'll gam it down," she exclaimed, laughing?a low rippling laugh, that i disclosed a row of little white pearls. k| "O, don't, dear Kate," said a sweet 4*7" T">r* cr* tit*Kn-ri ViULiiUaOH IViVV* JL. ^uvv?iu wv py if you did anything to your pretty nair." "Then I -won't,'darling," said her sister, tenderly shaking the pillows unk aer Erie's little fragile form with deft |? finders. V' The poor little creature had laid on W _-~~that same Couch for two years, with S.' curvature of the spine. And it was for the little sufferer's sake that brave pretty Kate was going to battle with the world this bright May morning. . "Shall I do, Evie?-. I "don't look too smart, I hope?" mL "You look as you always do?lovely ly!" replied the girl. " She certainly deserved the praise too; her dead-black silk robe hanging in graceful folds around her little stately figure, a dainty little spotless collar fastened by a simple knot of violets in the place of a brooch. Ihv- But above all there was a dewy AnW . a Vi Art f V. av? TT7>4vt]iiir>/y Kta r ? AU\J U.U XttsJ. i.uvwt J a wild rose sparkling with the early mornimr dews'. "I sEall not be loeg, Evie lore," she Kissed, as she tripped out of the room, Hr^Hrat not before a little slipper, which B^^ the sufferer had been hugging jealousS? ly, came bounding toward her, and the wr weak little voice said: K. "Good luck, .sister mine!" and to. lafeft herselishe added: "Please, dear Heaven, bring her back safely to me." "What a grand place!" thought B Kate as she looked up"at the palatial mansion on Cariton-house terrace. "I B thought dear papa's house handsome,., B? but that was nothing to this." To her question if the Countess of Elslie would see her, the butler, a very o-entlpmanlv man. in deeD moumin?. said kindly: "Step this way. You are Miss Dagw call, whom her ladyship expects, I m suppose?" IT; "Yes," she said "somewhat shyly as Hft- he led her across the marbie hall up a flight of stairs*-gorgeous with, pictures, B mirrors and costly purple velvet hangings, into a^iiry' bower, all turquoise r plush, and billowy lace, wh re an elegant woman was seated at a silver and ^ malachite davenport, writing letters. The countess was a true patrician in looks, voice, and gesture, with the noblest attributes, witnout a. tinge of thev BBt usual false pride ox her class. "Be seated, Miss Dagnall," she said [,f kindly, "and be good enough to excuse me one moment till I have sealed my T letter.":. Kate began" to pluck up heart of dgik grace now that she found herself placed at ease by the unstudied grace of manner of the true lady, ft "I think we shall get on very nicely, Miss Dagnall, and our darling May |p^ will have a lady whom I shall Tike as waIT trust T am released von con fided in me, 3nd told me all, because I hare heard of the sad reverse of the (once eminent hanker, but never knew what became of his two daughters. Now, confidence begets confidence. Your little charge is not my own; my darlings have been gathered in by the ! Great Reaper. May is my brother's child; he is a widower. I hare her under my care till he returns to En"Then she is -motherless, my lady^' ? "That is so," she replied" sorrowfully, "but you will, in some measure, make up to our treasure her sad loss." j All was settled, and as Kate tripped i down the staircase she could almost ha-e burst out into song, like a bird who jiad lost its way and its mates, BB and found them again; ^ "Oh, Fm so Jaappy now! I wish I KB had wings to fly to my darling Erie," she murmured, as she flew along St. B James' Park, light as a fawn. "It was B the slipper that did it," and she began mm humming. "OS, those golden slippers," unknowingly?how golden she had yet There was joy for the orphans that BK^^^ day at Camden Town. B "I told you thaf you were a fairy, and would win the hearts of everyggpr body," exclaimed Erie, raising herself with difficulty to take a peep at her sister. "Only fancy a countess, too, and to shake you by the hand as if you were her sister. How I shculd like to see her! Is she very beautiful?" "She is more than that; she is a perB feet woman, nobly planned, what I Hi . was reading to you about the other f?Q.v. mv darlinor." . pi "I wonder if I shall ever sjee' her," WJ the poor little thing said wisfxully. MA "Why, of course you w21, Evie. Some day you shall be"* brought to see me in a little invalid chair that I mean ill to buy you when my ship returns laden |fl " with good things." * . The thought of such happiness Brought a sunny smile into the child's sweet pensive face, and she was satis''My papa is coming home, dear Miss j Ra^nalL 'Won't I be~Iiappy then:" ex- j claimed little May one delightful morn- i Wgr ing in August, as" she dashed into the j |?r schoolroom, a very Hebe of child-beau- j ty "Amity has just got a letter?ch, 1 IIIrI " such a duck of a one, with dozens of kisses. Aren't you very pleased?" "Yes, May, very, of course, because you are. But perhaps your papa won't see me with the same indulgent eyes as you and Lady Elslic do; he's a gentleman." "Fudjre! he'll love you as much as I do. Why, my papa is only like a big boy?he plays witn me an hour every morning, and even helps me dress my dolls. "He's not like other papas': he is my friend, my playmate!" and the little lady looked up into Kate's face with innocent confidence. "Qr? Sor IriflvcVnn nntP" T,nrH Severn, a line handsome man about thirty, with dark earnest eyes and a frank sweet smile just like his sister's, the countess. "Yes, my lord; but Miss May is at home with her governess." "Thanks, Graham. I hope all th<j servants are well, and that this time I shall stay among you." "I am sure, my lord, that I can say we all wish so from the bottom of our hearts," returned the butler? 4'Ah, there's no place like home to a man who has been knocking about in that arid waste, Egypt and the Holy Land,"'mused his lordship as his valet, assisted him to change ills dust-covered habiliments. 'Til just steal a march upon my lito r> nn SPA what sh0 is'doing. Ob, the fun and joy of the surprise! How she1 II dance with delight!" ; A beautiful room, covered with rugs of bright colors and polished birch furniture; laced draperies and preLty rosecovered chintzes on pale-blue ground draped the chairs and cosy couches; birds sang cheerily from their fairylike cages; flowers everywhere; an open piano in the corner; a few beautiful pictures of the Holy Child from babyhood till manhood. This 'is the sanctum of the little heiress, and her friend and instructress, Kate. A veritable Eden upon earth, purity and innocence reigning supreme. As the weary traveler watched with .breathless iaterest, a feeling of awe came over him, and he resolved not to interrupt by his presence the sweet home-picture. "How lovely!" he thought; "she has j the face of an angel. My darling is in-; deed blessed." There sat Kate, perfectly unconscious of the admiring eyes that were taking in <rreedilv the scene that she was play- ' ing the heroine so artlessly in. The crimson twilight was just flooding the chamber,-and touching up with its seiner glory the bonnie little golden head and the witching face as she read aloud a touching story of our Redeem er when a child to May and her little invalid sister, who lay on a couch in some filmy white robe, one tiny hand clasping May, the other a tea-rose, a gift from the countess before going out "Oh, how lovely, dear Kate!" exclaimed the two children in chorus when she had finished the story. "To-morrow, dears, I will read, the life of his friend and follower,. St. r .Tnhn; now we will have our usual lit tie concert" ' > * In a few seconds Kate's sweet, fresh young soprano lose clear and thrilling, joined by the little ones' childish voices,singing: "Abide with me, fast falls the eventide." Lord Severn stole noiselessly from the room,muxmuring: \ will not break -into their* sweet sacred converse to-night; tomorrow morning will be better. His lordship had been home a month and a few intimate friends were invited to dinner. "It is the wish of my brother, dear child," said the countess. "Bat I shall be so dreadfully, nerv-. ous. Oh, do let me come in quietly after dinner. I am deeply conscious of the great honor you have offered me, my lady," replied Kate with sweet simplicity. "?USl. ?5 VUU picii&y tucu, ucai. j. i will tell his lordship that you would prefer to join us later on." What caused Kate to tremble and blush so when May ran up to her with two exquisite white roses saying: "Papa plucked them, and told me I wis to give them to you to wear now." "Are you sure, darling?" "Yes?quite sure," answered the little damsel positively, adding: "Oh, don't you look pretty?better than all in the drawing-room." The child was quite right, Kate certainly made an exquisite picture in her simple black-net dress, its square-cut bod\- half-revealing the alabaster neck through the delicate lace, where she pinned one cf the white roses. Her success in the drawing-room was complete^ and Lord Severn's attentions most marked: "Oh. that I was a princess or a queen!" she manuCrTC when she found herseif in her own room. "I would do like our p-racious maiestv was com pelled to do?offer this king" of men my hand, half ray crown and kingdom, Wel!, well, I can only pray that such naughty thoughts may never assail me;" this as she breathed a little sigh that was wafted up 16 the angels,' who in turn hovered around ihe innocent sleeper, investing her dreams with a radiant bliss and joy which gave the "weet face an expression of perfect peace and happiness.' "Wants to see me, Graham?" said Kate perplexedly, about a week after the dinner-party. "Yes, miss, that was his lordship's command." "Where am I to go?" a XJLC ? ai bULl" ILL bJUC UlrtTVU'.^room." "Oh dear, oh dear, what can it be? I hope he is not angry about .darling Evie living with me; her ladyship wished it;" and smoothing down her rebel hair she made her way to the magnificent room to meet?what? Her little fluttering, palpitating heart dared not even stop to think?dismissal, perhaps. She entered, looking very shy, but very lovely. "I have seut for you, Miss Dagnall," he said, placing a chair for her, "to say tha't your services will not be needed anr longer as governess to my little May." Poor Kate! she turned white to the lips, and could not think of a word to say for a brief moment, then summoning all her courage, she said-: . "Is my fault commission or omission, my lord?" "It is neither/' he replied. "It is j simply my desire: another lady will take your place more fitted for the position.". # .foor brave little haze. Jtniswas tne i last straw, and she burst into a flood | of tears, sobbing: "What?oh, what have I done?" "Done, my darling, my love, my queen! Bobbed me of my heart," cried Lord Severne, clasping the slight form to his breast, and raining down such a passion of kisses that Kate nearly fainted. "You love me?" she gasped. "Love you, sweet Kate! I have loved you from the first moment I saw "you, ! when you were reading to my chiid, i and your sister and you then sang ; 'Abide with mo1?the night I arrived j home." "And you saw and heard us?" she ! asked in sweet confusion. "I did, my swuet wife that is to be, and I registered a vow that you should be my May's darling mother in reality. Say, do you love me? Are you happy?" "res. iny king, my love," she "replied, and Kate was no longer "Only a Governess." The Champion Liar. "Every time 1 look at the North star," said the nautical cop, it makes me feel pale. It is ail on acceount of a balloon experience I had in 1863. You probably remember that mammoth air-ship" built in Hong Kong to foto ? t-rirv T W9.1 there at the time, and the owner of the balloon engaged ine at a salary of ! $1,000 a week to accompany him in his perilous voyage. It was a bright summer morning," 1 remember, and an open lot on the outskirts of the town was filled with 200,000f"people to see us make the start. The aeronaut got into the car first-, and I followed him with two native servants, who carried our provisions. The signal was given to start and the ropes cut. The immense bag of gas, with its human freight, shot up into thei air like a rocket. In twelve minutes we were 6,000 feet above the earth. In twelve minutes moro we had attained a height of 10,000 feet. The revolution of the globe was then plainly perceptible. At 8 o'clock in the evening* we had beaten all previous records, and were sailing through the clouds at the frightful rate of sixty miles. Ttia Yifnfnoc/vr -Dene 171 t.hft face but very enthusiastic, suddenly announced his intention of attempting to get beyond the attraction of gravitation. I at once demanded an increase of salary, and ho saw the raise and made it ?1,500. "All our ballast had been thrown out, and, as the balloon had ceased to rise, it was necessary to make the car lighter, so we pitched one of the servants over the side, giving him a cookbook to read on iris way down. Up i shot the balloon another mile. Then ; it became stationary again, and the ; fellow had to be disposed of in the in[ terest of science. I dropped him out very carefully, because he was a very nice man and generous to a fault. Up and nn went the balloon, until we had reached an elevation of 118 miles. "The professor saw that we were about to stop agaii^ and kindly asked me to step out and let him continue the voyage alone. He refused, however, to further increase my pay, so I took him by the heels and let him drop over. Then I sailed the airship for the next three days on my own hook very satisfactorily."' "Where did you land after making this terrible trip?" asked the listener. 'Believing that my salary was agenous one, I permitted the professor to take his barometer along with him," .said the nautical cop.?Pfttiadelphia Recordi Why They Couldn't Hear Him. General James C. Strong, of Buffalo, was here this week. He arrived on the 22d anniversary of the day upon which he was shot down upon a C 14A Tfr<v? cfmoV* I OUUblieill uatuo iitiu. nuo in the hip (the wound is famous amoilg physicians and surgeons, I'm told) in a very peculiar way, and lay by a log in great agony all day. In the evening after the battle he heard the voices of his men calling him from different quarters of the field. "Colonel Strong!" they shouted. He replied by shouting at the top of his voice: "Here I am!" ."Here I am!" Still his men kept shouting: "Colonel Strong!" "Colonel Strong!1-* Again he replied with all his might: "Here I am!" "Here I am!" The searchers came nearer, still shouting Colonel Strong always replied: "Here I am" with all his might At last they were within three feet of him. "Here I am!" he shouted. They came nearer,' but in a slow uncertain way. Finally one of them leaned over the log, flashing his lantern light full on the prostrate man. "Why, here's the Colonel now," he said to his companions in tones of surprise. So they gathered him up and carried him to the hospital. As soon as he was well enough he asked the man who had found him on the battle-field why he had not come to him at once when he heard him shouting, "Here I am!" "We didn't hear you, sir," said the soldier, "until we leaned oyer the log, and then we heard you whisper in scarcely audible tones, 'Here I am.'? Philadelphia Record. ' . Non-Marrying. It is a melancholy fact that young men of the present day are less impulsive and more calculating than, if traditional reports are to be credited, they .formerly were, and are rarely inclined ' to barter their liberty except for a proportionate quid pro quo. * Love in a cottage has been an exploded myth,. and the pleasant fallacy, that where one can <ime two can, only requires a few months' trial to be at once and for ever disproved. We are gradually accustoming ourselves to regard matrimony as an affair not to be entered upon lightly, but demanding the fullest and most mature deliberation; like Talleyrand, we are inclined to distrust first impressions, although not precisetllfttl RPTltfl ly LKJl Hit -J diplomast. Many .young men who willingly succumb to the attraction of a pretty face, and plunge unhesitatingly into "a flirtation on every available opportunity,, yet, however closely they may flutter round the candle, take especial care rot to burn their wings; while, on their side, the fa'ir ladies, we may be sure, are equally cautious as to the amount of encouragement they may safety venture to bestow. On the whole, match -makers were never more essential than they arc now; and when wc hear of a marriage, we are morally certain that some good-natured busybody has had her linger in the pi& / ? O ? Sixteen of the statues erected at the Government's expense in different parts of Washington have cost $550,000, and it is probable that the Washington monument, on which work is now progressing, will add $1,000,000 to the total. Chief .Justice . Marshall's. bronze e+??+vio rn/vontlr rmTroilor} fnct. SidO OOO* WWW ^ Greenough's Washington, at the. front of the Capitol, cost $43,000, and the two statues facing it $24,000 each; the naval monument, on Pennsylvania avenue, $25,000; the statue of Freedom, on the Capitol dome, $23,000; the Emancipation group, $17,000; Gen. McPherson's statue, $15,000; Admiral Farragut's, ; $20,000; General Scott's, $73,000; Gen>I Thomas' $65,000; Andrew Jackson's, $50,000; General Greene's, $50,000; General Rawlins', $10,000, and $50,000' for the equestrian statue of WashingI ton. . HOW TO RUI/E MEN. A. Lecture to Women by a Woman Who has Studied Mankind. "I do not entertain much," said a lady who has been an acknowledged leader of Chicago society for twentyfive years, "but I receive a great deal. I do not believe in entertainment, although I am mindful that there is very much stress laid upon 'the socialty of refreshments'. People do not. call on you for eatables; they can buy their lunch anywhere. But the society of a cultivated lady or gentleman, is not so easy of access. People want mental food; they want to exchange tneir laeas for some newer-ones; they wantto talk and laugh, and to make you talk and laugh; they want the society of some sweet women of sense , and vivacity, who will skillfully draw them into conversation, and, for the time being, direct their thoughts from the subjects that have engrossed them all day. Tho woman who has to appeal to her table ?who thicks she must pamper the appetites of her guests in order to please ?openly confesses that she is not accustomed to society, and not eguai to its demands. " ' . "Besides, look at the way women entertain nowadays! What does a man care .for ices, cake, frappe, and bouillon? Trnlv their own observa tion should teach them better. l ean get more real social enjoyment and create more conviviality with a dozen sandwiches and two quarts of cider or hot coffee than I can with ten pounds of angels' food and three ' gallons of ice cream. I have been in society for twenty-five years, and when I have reeived my most charming companies all I served was tea and wafers. If there were gentlemen present I substituted coffee. I am a great admirer of card parties and musicales with not more than ten in the group. About 10 o'clock I invite them into the diningroom and refresh them without ceremony. * I have a dish of salad, and some nice bread and butter, with a pickle or an olive and a cup of hot } coffee. More often I simply - a big dishful of nice sandwiches in the center of the little table, and have a dozen bottles of ale brought in right from the . ice-box. That is what men like, and if you mean to please them that is one of the menus to use. "You should never feel obligated to serve refreshments in the morning or afternoon, for no well-bred person expects it unless invited especially to ; spend the day. If you ask him to dine with you, then serve an elegant dinner. "I think if women only knew how sweet and lovely they are and how much they can do with men they would pay more attention to their personal cultivation than they do. "Why, if a woman only goes about it right she can do anything with a man, and make him conform to her ideas in every par- r; ticular. She has tact, skill, talent, * beauty, refinement, and, combine her ' intuition with her fascinating powers, ^ she can change his politics, reform his * religious ideas, alter the whole course . of his life, and shape his career to suit * herself. But she must not be' a fool, I i & can tell you, nor must she forget for an p instant the art and finessee by which she rules. "Man is at best a brusque, selfish, impulsive creature, full.cf conceits and j vagaries, and1 anxious to rule and con- * trol. He has strength and he. wants to j use it: he has creative faculties and lives to execute. But whatever he is he looks to woman for his pleasures, and the one who can please him can rule him and do with him what she wilL ( A woman is young until she is 25, and i a man retains his youth ten years long- < er, but after that there is nothing to j live-fott but. home. Life has-lost its j zest, and the? is no charm in the toys ( and amusements of yesterday. You j must admit that a woman marries for j convenience, She wants a home, pro- ; tection, immunity from labor and the. delights of companionship. . Now, if a v man makes this7 home, if he stands be-' 3 tween her and danger, if he contributes " the best interests of his life for her : maintenance, he certainly is entitled to , his reward. He wants his home beau- 1 tified, filled with friends and good ] cheer; he wants to be petted, admired, j respected, encouraged and loved. He < wants to be king, in short "Ob, yes, you may say petting is all ' nonsense, but just let me tell you that .| you are mistaken, and if the husband ; cannot get that loving affection at ; home he will get it some place else. : Caresses can-be bought like every other luxury. ; . , "A wife must be a sweetheart ail her ' life. She must never get to old to be : charming. She must cultivato a sweet , temper and an affable manner, and her ; only anxiety must be a dread of offend- ; ing her husband. Another thing; sar- ( casm won't work, it is an unpardonable offense in the home circle, and, no matter how pertinent it may be, a wo- ( man cannot afford ever to say a harsh word to the man she loves. "Beautiful? No woman need be anything else. If she has a poor complexion, there are powders and cosmetics that defy detection; she can have beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows; no matter how poor and coarse her hair is, it can be .remarkably wtfll-kept and so becomingly arranged as to be ad- ; mired; the most irregular teeth can be ( polished like so many pearls, and clean teeth and a sweet breath are not so common as to be despised; white hands ; and tapering, polished nail will atone for a very ill shape of hand. What if , the feet are large, if they are well shod? ; If the figure is poor, it can be so clean, j so healthy-looking, and so delicately , perfumed that your very presence will be wholesome and refreshing,- and, I tell you, clothes makes the refinement that belongs to a: Jady or gentleman. Indeed, the raiment is typical of much < that is within. If -nature htfsmeagcrly ; bestowed her charms that is the very reason why a woman should have re- ' course to art If she cannot shine in > music, painting, or the sciences, she 1 can become a pleasant, if not a bril- ( liant, talker. She can read and ob- j serve and be an authority on current > literature, and if she will but study the why and wherefore of things and the ; very best points in her friends, she can 1 make for herself a circle that will be the very envy of her prettiest competi-' ' tor. "For instance we will suppose she is i invited to a theater or a concert. Let 1 her procure a programme in advance ! and make a study of the play, the act ors, me music, or tau trusts, ueu uct have 6ojne interesting, matter to talk about The gentleman goes to the ex- : pense of the entertainment and has a ' right to expect that the lady ho has favored will show her--appreciation- in some-way. . "Natural? Oh, I hate natural people! They are rude* curt, heedless, I and presumptions. I like people to : anticipate mypleasures. I like to hear j them-s^y pretiy .things, to use pretty < laagua?e, -and to acquire pretty man* ] ners. C)ne need not necessarily be a Hypocrite, but if there is any choice I prefer the"; polite hypocrisy of the French to the rude candor of the BritXotlsSI?Chicago Neias. . ^ l ? Second Hand Tobacco. pijustsee them ?0 for them! I snppca# they enjoy the 'old soldiers', as mi&h as we do our Haranas." Two gentlemen, one of them a Bos iUJL UWC/f- rupurbCl, llO-U. juau wou UAIUJUL haSf smoked cigars into the street, and th4 above remark was called out by setin|^a couple of gamins dive into the gutter for the stumps. "Enjoy them? Well, I guess not-' Do y<&" imagine that they smoke all thrt old 'buts' they manage to scoop in arou83 'the city?" ;<Sti^vcr gave it a thought, but I donssee what else they want them foi jP?: "Ton wilLbe surprised then when I teli yon Ai^-tbese- stamp?fc-yrhlcih.,. ara^fclwMSed by the ton around tfceo&yy frcsKJio'tel cuspidors, sjtlooirasb-bcx^:^ runway waiting-rooms, 'and public placesgenerally, as well as from the gutters, are manufactured into cigars; i ahjrtobacco, but I am informed that, such is the case, and.this 'second! hand1' business -is becoming quite an industry. Why,- a dealer was explaining the process to me the' other day. Of course you UUJLL b SCO 2U1JT WUJLLUCi.lXI> VIAgaged ia the business. The trade is carnedrOn in obscure shops and tenempnf-Jiguses, and hence few people outside of tiaose engaged in it haye any-, idea of its-extent: There are probably-, hundreds of people engaged in the business right-h.ere in Boston. . , _ r .'"Tlie process bf transforming' the filthy accumulations of gutters and cuspidors into bright, finely flavored smoking tobacco, is . thus explained:. lie old cigar i tumps,"after the charred" are cut ofij&re soaked in a solution of ammonia ..aucL somo ..other - chemical, whicli-takes-ncar^f aH"the nicotine out of the-tobacco and remq^esjall trace of smoke ; and. creosote^ THe mass of pulpy -tobacco.: is .j&en--pressad into cfckes and-sliced by a.cufcting. maehine, after ..which-it is giycn ai& thrift. some Hnfl*of-ii fteaclyn^^lTS^.-wMch feair. thR- -bronerties of which the weed^is '.possessed ; when it I, comesfrom the:.plantation.. It ds- nowtaken to the roof':in trays . and left to dz&in the suijl: " "When thoroughly dry it is carefolly.taken up in the trays and carried. below;- 'where, it j^-pass^dTinder an ^torsuser, ^y-wtioltitVd&'.daiapened. witha, .-^ej^^oh^of-- -glycerine and someflstforiSg extract, afteTwhich it is iQ^hapeJb.lje made-into. cigarettes <>5,?ut njMn. packages as-sinoking tobacco. The. business is said to -be perfectly :legitimate, as the manufacturers Qgviply with the revenue laws and the tobacco tEus pays a-double-.taJu'' wItiS5&_'goOd thing 'that J^Osje who mokejhik seeond-.hand-tobacco,do not jealizS-what^tis;. or its use.'m%ht be fessened:" "I don't ktiow ;aboufc that; Those who,ought to know eay;|hat> the cigarettcs-are far less-harmful than many of ihoSevput up-in more - attractive shape, and t^tit^wmld-he a^ good thing, -for t-hn youtfeyt^fe^eouiflyy if*"a^tfigar-"' ettes were mad^f f?condhi&id"t6bacco preparedhy4hisproicess." - Shaviiig Drunken^jtfen. "Glad that job" is over," said a Madison street."" barber,1 as a. customer talked ont of the shop with unsteady 3teps"Why?'* -was asked him. "Drunk!" sententiously. 'Have many of that kind?" "No, thank goodness! You see, a ' irunken man when he sits down to get 3hayed is always shooting off his month and is always- sure to do it at the throng time." Just when the 'razor is passing over his chin an idea will strike the fool in the chair, open will go bis mouth, down will go his chin, and it is only by the greatest care that a fellow can keep from cutting.him." "Ever have any accidents?" ; . "Don't insult me. I never cut anybody, drunk or sober. But I remember once the chap that had the chair next to me, a sort of green hand, who came near cutting a man's nose off. The customer came in drunk, threw himself into the chair, and kept perfectly quiet while he was being lathersd and during the time the first onebalf of his face was being shaved. Then when the barber was about to shave his upper lip he forgot that he bad a drunken man in the chair and held the blade close to his nose for an instant. At that very moment something funny struck the mind of the man , and ne threw his head back to lau<?h. The next instant a razor struck his nose and a stream of blood squirted clear to the looking glass. The boss had to pay for patching up the organ and the green hand was 'docked' accordingly. But he learned a lesson, and I guess the customer did too." "Ever have any men go to sleep under .the soothing influence of a shave?" "Ye3, but not often. Sometimes a man will come in. from an earlv train who lias had no sleep all night, and will doze off Mighty mean customers to handle, too." "How's that? I should think they would be the more docile." "Not much. You have to tu? at their heads to get them to turn them, and then run the risk of giving them a snip when some dream is running through their minds, or cutting them when they suddenly awake with a start. For myself, I prefer to shave a sober business man. He may have his mind on his affairs, but he is also aware that he is in a barber's chair and that a sharp razor is close to his face."?Chicago Uetos. Jealous Millionaires. Speaking of the hatred of wealth, I jbserve a great deal of rancor between millionaires themselves. Gould and Vanderbilt are reputed to loathe each other. It is only lately that the As tors and the Vanderbilts came to speaking terms. When Villard went under the expressions of delight were by no means confined to those who envied tiim in prosperity. And now that Jim Keene is suffering a disaster, there is positive hilarity among the Wall streeters. It seems to me tnat a mob which would pillage one millionaire's property would be aided and abetted by most of the other millionaires. The joy is quite unconfined over Keene's downfall, however, on account of his personal obnoxiousness. Few men went near him, no matter how trivial the business, without going away inveterate enemies. He had a needlessly harsh, insulting manner. It is not manly to strike a dead lion, but there are few men in wall street who are not doing it?N. Y. Cor. JJtica Observer. Director General Burke, of the New Orleans Exposition, announces that the main building of the exposition has been increased to 1,646,000 square feet covering thirty-three acres, and now Larger than the London Exposition of 1862/which covered twenty-three acres. M ad Short Stops. '; IMPORTANT INFORMATION. : "Papa, what is a bat?" "It is what base ball players use, my child." "I know that, but isn't there another kind, papa?" "Yes, there's a bird called a bat." "I know, that, too, but isn't there another one?" "No, I guess not deaf, why do you ask?" "Because I heard Uncle John tell mamma that you went on a-frightful bat last night." Papa said nothing, but made up his > mind to give Uncle John a laylhg-ont next time he saw-him.?New York VUWrTtW*. wanted to strike it. "Mr. Dupree," asked the little 10year old, after the big sister's beau had taken his .seat, ' 'won't you let ,pa hit your Tbre&sh jtast fSrfcrn?"" ?iWhy xjerlainly^-my little iaanfbafc why do you ask such ^gseetimt?^ * "^Eausali^^aid thismorning. could' Ht^yocr brea&^any time and; knock'a quart joT^ whisky out of it; I; think'it would be'so funnyto: see any-: thing knocked out of' a man's breath, don't you?", : Dupree didn't stop to reply.?Atlanta Constitution. . a considerate husband. Mrs. Blank?"Here is a funny item which says that a married man can be distinguished by the way in which ha carries an umbrella over his wife-, care frtlT-c ctiiplrKnor himself and Iftavintr hf>r exposed to the drippings." Mr; Blank?"It is not true, though." Mrs. .Blank?"No, it is not You never do it You were a good deal more awkward at carrying an umbrella, over me before we.were married than you.have been since." . Mr. Blank?1"Ah!" Mrs. Blank?"Yes; I had several bonnets and two dressed ruined by the drippings in those days. But you have become ever so much more carefuL" Mr. Blank?"Yes, indeed. I have to pay for your things myself now."? Fhiladelphia Call. . , . THEY WERE SUPERFLUOUS. A iTXTU n J/N 7 T-rr O -rrt nrrtn 1? A IT JuLj UU JUU O-XYVikJO VYCai. ?fe uuuwu of flowers in jour buttonhole?" inquired Miss Fassanfeather, while Mr. Titepants was calling the other" evening. "Oh, it gives one an air of freshness," responded the poetical young man. . "Well," replied the young lady, frankly; "I don't think .yo'uneed any artificial means to' prove your freshness." And then Titepants went out and sat on tbe hitching post to think it', over. ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE IN LONDON. "Hi say, 'Any, did you. hever see such ha blarsted country has Hamerica his, hany 'ow?" . r "Whv, what's the matter now, John?"* ' 'Hoh, they speak; such beastly. Henglish hin this country,' Arry. Hi cawn't hnnderstand them hat hall, you iniaw. Now, hat 'ome the very street cads speak passably good -Henglish. hasher?erybody'Il tell you hit yon haskthem." YOUTH HIS ONLY CKTME. "Sirrah!" exclaimed the solemn Factto the little Joke, "you are too fresh.""Yes, I know," humbly replied the little Joke, "but this is the result of my education. In our family, you know, the only crime is to be stale, likea Fact. Freshness is greatly prized. I would be ever fresh." "Away, slight thing!" haughtily replied the solem Fact. "You will outgrow it I once was young myself, a thousand years ago," -t:And calmly adjusting his wig he rubbed some burnt sork on his face and sat down at the tamborine end, while the timid little Joke lingered around on the sidewalk, wishing that hek too, were old enough to join the minstrels. Poor little Joke! He will loiter long in the bourgeois columns of many a patent inside, and take apartments by the year in many an almanac before that fond hope shall grow into bright fruition.?Bob JBurdette. "Where Blackburn Met His Baby. Four days before I went to the front with my'regiment we had a little girl baby. She is now grown and you always see her with me at any social gathering. Well, in otfr army the furloughs came very rarely. When we got into line there was no great chance for a man to get home. It was about three years afterward that a few of us were one night going down the Mississippi on a river steamer. I had been sick and was returning to my command, but pretty well broken up even then. As for money, we did not have any, and. the night was hot as I laid down on the deck, my throat almost parched with thirst. Pretty soon a little girl came along with a big glass of lemonade. I tell you it looked good to me. She saw me eyeing it, stopped a minute, looked doubtfully at me, and finally came up to my side. "You looked as if you wanted something to drink." she said, and offered me the glass. It wasn't the square thin<j to do, but I took it and handed it back to her empty. It w.is like nectar to me. Then I thanked the little creature and sent her away. Soon after just like every child, she came back, leading her mother to see the poor soldier. By Jupiter, it was my wife, and thegirl was the baby whom I had last seen as a baby but just born. You can imagine the reunion. They wore with my brother's family, and happened to be going down the river. That was the only time during the four years' fighting that I saw my wife and baby, and under these circumstances what man would ever forget it? What is the use of wasting money by advertising in me newspapers, wueii one can tack a notice like this on the bulletin board of the court-house, or' on the door of the district school: "Los or strade, a Soral horse too wite feet and white fase. Blind in wun i five doler reword." No lady or gentleman"emphatically remarks a Vermont paper, "no matter how costly or fashionable their rainment, will sit in church and eat pea-' nuts." And it might have added that they will not send out for a pitcher of beer, either, and drink it while the collection is being taken up. Here is a piece of German repartee: ? - ? A U rCIIC11 ill nil diixu. lu a jL>ci.xiUT5x "Your Iron Cross, the highest Prussian order, is simply ridiculous?it has an intrinsic value of scarce 5 sous." To which the native of the Prussian capital replied: "I don't deny it, but it has nevertheless cost you two Napoleons." "I don't see why you are so particular about your hair," said a churlish husband. '"I don't suppose Eve ever wore bangs." . "I don't suppose, she did," replied the wife, with a quiet smile, "but then there was nobody -in the world but her husband to admire her." The husband became very thoughtful. Concerning Shirt Fronts. There exists no more interesting and instructive spectacle for the strident of human uature than that of the shirtfronts round a dihner-table. A shirtfront is a phenomenon of infinite humor?full of expression in every part of it, possessing vast potentialities of achievement fronu.the bottom of the throat to the pit of the stomach: As is the aspect of the shirt-front, such will be tne iook impressed on me pnysiognomy of the wearer. You no sooner note the starched bulginess projecting . half-a-dozen inches out of the liiie of the perpendicular'on the person of a Unitarian, or catch-a 'glimpse of the; limp linen.at the side of the^hirt-fronfi which the waist-coat ought to but can . not conceal, than you have acquired a clew 'to -the character of that shirts front's possessor. The central sfcad may be all; right, but the. general effect one. of clumsiness., ..-You trace .in-, teUect?&I. effusion and slowneas jn^ js^abtivcly that y&xe opposite neighbor is a;h'orn bungler.! And* now*5et us regard ;the matter subjectively?leTus, that is, place ourselves in. the position "of the shirt-front wearer. How often is ho cot agitated by the consciousness that the shirt-front which begins like a beautiful woman may end ixt hideous fish! Down to tie central stud all is as it should be. But as the meal profresses and he glances down his linen e perceives to his horror a tendency on its part to disclose a fissure and to reveal the under-garment, whatever its hue, beneath. Henceforth there is an,-, end to all enjoyment Pellitur a con..yivio 1 ostitis, omnis. - He can no longer converse wMout constraint, his mind wanders from the topic.of talk, he-becomes visibly distrait and palpably disgusted, and though .he be seated beside the fairest of the"fair, he grows as absent-minded as the sage wno employed the finger of his bride as a tobaccostoDDer. Shirt fronts are* the most fickle and capricious of all articles, and of all portions of articles, of male at- . tire... Their behavior in many instances. is incalculable. vThe shirt-front which conducts itself , admirably one week is a model of ill-conditioned eccentricity the next It has been annoyed by the washerwoman, and, with that illogical injustice characteristic of shirt-fronts, vents its disgust upon the payer of the washerwoman's biU. Or it begins the evening well and terminates it in a manner of which _ it ought to be ashamed. Perhaps the worst affliction which can overtake a conscientious and wellmeaning Unitarian is the discoverythat without a single premonitory hint his shirt-front has gone utterly and irre+-m?T-olilTr mmntr Tim iin^Ar nnrHftn nf V11VT AUJ.J M i ??V?* WA his solitaire lias indolently shaken off its moorings, defiantly refuses to be bound by its buttonhole, and, metaphorically speaking, launches out into space. Who is not familiar with the efforts this hardly-used Unitarian makes to conceal the horrible-hiatus, or with their futility? He -"scarcely dares to. look down. First he gives a little nervons cousrh; then his hand wanders, as if casually, to the middle of his chest But neither wandering hand nor nerv- . ous cough can put that shirt-front right again. -It is .a gone coon,, and he will as easily restore the solitaire to the original socket as the soiled dove will .regain her virtue. . He must accept the blow of a severe destiny, and . his best hope must be that" by maintaining his body at a proper angle, and by periodically smoothing his ruffled plumage with a skillful hand, ho may minimize in some sort the appalling calamity which has overtaken him.?London World. m "A Complcrionist." Strolling no-town recently, a reporter for the N. Y/Mail and Express had his attention attracted by the sign "Complexionist," which was hanging over tho door of an inoffensive-looking; dwelling-house. Wondering what under the sun a complexionist;might be, he wandered in to satisfy his curiosity. A French lady of medium height and with charming" conversational powers received him in ;a small room, fitted up in a style that ifoight indicate at first sight either a drug store or a hairdresser's saloon."A complexionist," said the lady, in answer to the reporter's interrogation, "is one who makes a study of tho human skin, and takes charge of the customer's complexion." "But surely there are not many who?" "Oh! y<2s; there are hundreds of the fair sex who come here during the gay season to be made up or to na^e the skin treated with delicate washes to prevent the bad effect of gas, heat, and late hours. J3ut young ladies are not the only ones treated;,, men? young and old?are often found within these walls." $ "What is your usual mode of treat-* meat?" 4'That depends on the complexion. If it is merely to be preserved, we advise a little careful dieting and bathing in elder-flower water." Not a particle of fat must be taken, as it injures the polish of the skin. Here is a prescription that will clean the complexion in a very short time: A tablcspoouful of sulphur taken every other morning for a week, then omitted for three mornings, and taken again. A mixture of powdered brimstone or diluted glycerine should be rubbed on the face at night and washed off in the morning with soap and water in which there is a little .ammonia. Washing, the face in spirits of camphor, glycerine, and ammonia is also very good, and various other methods are resorted to for this end." . Russian Longevity. From a correspondent who has passed some years in Russia, we learn that in the village of Vellkotti, in the St. Petersburg government," an old woman is living who has jast attained her 130th birthday! The old lady is in the enjoyment of good health, but complains of her deafness (and no wonder). Her hair is stilllong and plentiful, considering her age. She spent her youth in great poverty, but is now pretty well off. She has outlived three husbands; and had a family of nineteen children, all of whom have been married, and are now dead, the last one to die bein? a daughter aged 93. She * lives wiih one of her great-grandchildrcn, a man of oO. Our correspondent also informs us that a few months ago an unusuaiiy curious weucung .ioos place in Ekaiterinoslav, in Russia. The bridegroom was. 65 years old, the bride 67. By former marriages,, each of them have ehildren and grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren living in the same town. The bridegroom's father, now in his 103d year, and the bride's mother, in her 96th year, are still alive, and were at the .wedding.?Chambers' Journal.: ' ; At a Salt Lake funeral the choir sang the words of "Nearer My God to Thee" to the tune of "Robin Adair." / =5?? mm WIT AND HUMoS. ' "r A dude is a 50 cent man in a $50 suit. of clothes. An insurance man says the reason- < aat Nero fiddled while Some was burn* ; ing was that business was probably dxul in Home and -Nero was heavily insured. A man's brain weighs three and a : i half pounds. A woman's is somewhat lighter, but of finer quality. That is What enables her to taste lord in her " neighbor's pastry. * A mastadon's tooth weighing four Sounds has been found on- a;farm in 'om Vnrlr ctato Wringer cthof; mnrv i: t ber of Haveriy's minstxeteha&*JBol#r extracted beforo leaving for Europe? The Oil City Blizzard iscespensible for the statement that strawberries and cream make girls' '-frockled and cause them to toe in."" TheywOI toe lnto an icecream saloon all tbesame..?Bos : ,0* ; - Omss tortho cTaz^pfiii mams, society young men -on small Miiicgme have been oblige# to fall back on the ] old black tie.- It is too narrow for a ; * patch an*d too black-to be' afctnurt5v&?' : pdrtford Post gd . A certain : .poetes is said to make - ' ??! good jellies as well as good poetry,:# 7 It is suggested that jshe. make-a new departure?send hei; jellie? to "news-; paper Offices and can her poems.? rj Norristown Herald. " A' London. Bank has issued an." order prohibiting the ."wearing-of- beards or r mustaches during business-.hours.'. It must T>e'very annoying .for .the -cleriis<;;{ to carry'their beards in their .pokets *, all day. There are*lfsW?<togefmussed up. : v - - ; i, :The fact that- El- Mahdi, -'ti&'-3fa2se * Prophet, sleeps-during the "day, and transacts ail his- business rai, Tiight,fives rise to the suspicion, that El must ave been a night news .editor.before , he west into the business of 'despatching his enemies^ The choir of a church in;3JeirEamp- 'shire couldn't make out why the-treble notes of the organ all of a su<Men kept. >a ' " ;?S| getting so much stronger tljan. the bass,;Xij until \ they opened the"' thing and found a haif-starved -cat in mere:?-" ' tiurungion r re& jrresx. -<*? Henry"'Irving made four hundred - -y^ thousand dollars in the iUnited- States. This shows that Americans ar$ not.the ? best business men, formany of .us have. lived here for years and have not made v & more than three hundred thousand!? * N. Y. Morning Journal. .A Pittsburg inventor: has devised : a i jet-black mirror. TheywiUhardlybecome -popular among our. colored citizens, for in such' a mirror V dusty u damsel can perceive only the white o?^~ her eyes. "G'way. from heah' - wih yer brack'lookin' glasses!" "My "dear," said the -wife of flsee editor of a weekly, newspaper, .vshall.X . give a way those old trousers that you haven't worn for two years, to some' poor, deserving tramp?" "No," ans4Viaoa ftvmcnora *T CiCU bUC ICU U1V0O *** K.^WJDB^^HI hang just where there Are. I. may . start a daily paper some day and then ~ I will need them sure." George Zeller stole a pair of shears from the editorial room of a Philadelphia newspaper, for which atrocious crime he was sent to jail for three v?rj' months. If lie had still further crippled the newspaper office by taking . the paste-pot, it is believed, the editor would have insisted upon a life senIence'. Fipps, who has been lunching with ' a friend upon frogs1 legs: "Everthing you see is of some use in this world, even the frog." Friend, who is disputatious: "I don't agree with yon. Of what use is the mosquito to us?" Fipps: "Ah, my dear fellow, yon take a wrong view of things. Just think . how useful we are to the mosquito."? Boston Gazette."' ; The people in San Antonio are so nervous that a law has been passed forbidding steam whistles being blowa in that city. How those people would suffer if a "circus calliope snouid happen . to escape and run wild through the streets, Why, the people would just sit right down on the sidewalk and bleat like a sacred calf, and if a Milwaukee tug-boat whistle-should happen to be sprung upon them suddenly it . would give them cramps.?Peck's Sun. Burdette philosophically writes to young men: Do you be diligent in your ' own business and be. content with its rewards. You may not walk so many miles in six days as Fitzgerald, but you . ^??|| can sleep a great deal more; time; and if you do not get so much money for it neither do you get so many' blisters." On your little salary at the suspender counter, yon cannot clean up $800,000 on Wall street tMs week. Bnfc then neither can you be cleaned out of $450,000 next week. Senator Coke, of Texas, has a remarkably powerful voice, and it is said tnas -wnen ne was uisuussuig us pleuropneumonia bill and got his throttle-valve wide open, the pages put.: cotton in their ears and wedged the window sashes to keep tneait1 from rattling and breaking the glass. At S? : the climax of his vociferations Coke announced that he intended to speak so that the whole country would hear Bim; and then, as hepausedfor breath, Beck remarked, "Guess, they will. Coke, if the're not stone deaf."?NewYork Tribune. . .1 It is related as a grave and solemn verity that two ladies met at the door of a Boston "ladies' broker," when one cried in great excitement: "Oh, dear Mrs. X-.'I don't know butl am mined. I sold long or short on Dan & Beer- t sheba Kauroad bonds, and for the; life. of me 1 don't ?now wmcn, dug u ivs one way or the otSer Tm utterly bank- " rupt" ' *0h don't take on so, my dear, was the reply; -"it's jus* the same with' me on Camaralzaman mining, .stocks, but Tm just going in and.tell the clerks . that I didn't mean a word of what I said yesterday, whatever it- was." - ' * / ' "Oh, you love," exclaimed the.others rapturously; "what a head yon-have \ for business. Why, your' e just like a man!" They were in the 'grocery'stored Said Brown (seeing a blind man about to enter): "Where you aware'howdelicatethe touch of a blind man as? When." nature deprives us of one sense she make amends .by bringing the 'other senses to extraordinary acuteness. Let me illustrate Dy tnis genteman. I'll take a scoop of sugar ana let him feel of it, and you see how quickly he'll; tell what it is.'' The blind man haying-... entered, he was put to the test..-..Ho put his thumb and finder into^tha . scoop*, and without-' hesitation 'said? "That is sand." Everybody laughed but the grocer. He made three several attempts at blushing, and thest went into the back shop and kicked his dog. The Washinton Monument- goes up at the rate of 4wo feet a day now, in *11 fair weather. .1J_...