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;: "T ! ' ' fe'-l ifc" i*- if M«aP> ri 'Cj.'a t A JOYFUL fiBBEJlNG. Hello! How nre” you? I am glaa at last your eyes have fallen upon *ae. Now that we have met, pray oBuvaW the acquaint ance, for it is my purpose to interest and serve you. Between 5 ou and I, though only a newspaper article, I am ambitious. Having a portentous message for all mankind, if it be cordially received, its import truly real ized and acted upon, I eha'l be considered a world’s benefactor. Could have no higher ambition yon will admit. A misanthrope of ample means deter mined to end his life by drowning himself. Going to the br-aks of the canal, found the time not favorable for the purpose, a num ber of persons being in the vicinity, and day light still present. He concluded to walk along the towpath until it was dark. While doing so, he heard piteous cries issuing from the door of a hovel near by, and uncon sciously walked over to the place, and found a poor family consisting of a mother sur rounded by several children, who told him of their sufferings for food. He look from his pocket his wallet and handed it to the woman, reasoning with himself that h > would not need it. The grateful thanks and praises that he received from the recipients oflhs bounty awoke emotion in his breast, of such a pleasurable character, that he changed his suicidal intent, and decided to live for others. His future life became re plete vith good deeds—many a dark home and heart were made bright by his presence. Well, my appearance in these columns, springs simply from a desire on the part of those I represent, to benefit your news-de vouring race. My province is to help you, your friends, your relations, aye, even your mother-in-law, if that interesting lady be not already far beyond the pale of good influ ences. I am sent among men to bear tidings of a discovery that marks an epoch as important to the health of mankind as Newton’s apple and Franklin’s kite were to natural science. The sick, the discouraged, the dejected, the broken down, and the despairing, may now all find a cure, certain ns the Jordan proved to the Syrian lepper. Jt is only necessary, as in the case of that sufferer of old, to fol low directions. The agent which I herald builds up the system, sweeps the cobwebs from the brain, and sends pure, invigorating blood dancing through the arteries to the music of happy laughter. The gloomy, wornout man of business, by \ t>« v \fc proper use of this wonderful medicine, will e enabled to meettrouble and reverses like man. Then, in perfect health, he will not have abnormal views of the “Vicissitudes of fortune, which spares neither man, nor the Woudest of his works, which buries empires and cities in a common grave.” ■ The weak and nervous woman, just able to ■ag herself, in “moping melancholy” rough duties of the day, may steal the ,oom from blush roses, and have eyes as ght and sparkling as the dewdrops nest- g in their leaves; and t he poor little baby, low disfigured with pimples and scabby res, may be made sweet, cool and whole- ome as—“that youngster of Mrs. Blank’s, cross the way, whose family is always in a glow of health.” Don’t you know the rea son? “No.” Then I will tell you. For years your neighbor has never been without Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery. This remedy is a medicine, not a beverage, and is to be taken according to full and per fectly plain directions accompanying each bottle. It is specific, but not a patent med icine, and contains no vile narcotics or viler liquor. It is a prescription used for years by the well-known physician, Dr. R. V. Pierce, of Buffalo, N. Y., whose name is a household word in innumerable homes all over onr own and foreign lands. The Golden Medical Discovery is prepared and offered to the public by the World's Dispen sary Medical Association, a body corporate, existing by and under the law’s of the State of New York; its president is Dr. Pierce, the great specialist in chronic diseases. The doctor lias devoted the best years of a very busy and wonderfully successful life to the relief and cure < f his suffering fellow men— and at a time when high political iionors lay broadly open before him, Dr. Pierre re signed his seat in the Congress of the United States, simply from a sense of duty toward others. His associates in the great sanatar- ium represented to the doctor that the im mense business of their association de manded that his personal attention should be paid to the great army of patients crowding upon them from every clime. Dr. Pierce is also the founder of the Invalids’ Hotel at Buffalo, N. Y. This establishment, possess ing all the comfortsjind luxuries of a first- class American hotel, has in addition the .daily attendance of a lafge faculty of emi nent specialists, whose practice collectively cover the whole field of surgery and chronic diseases. The laboratory in which Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery is pre- I iared is an object of interest and wonder, t has a frontage of one hundred feet, a depth of one hundred and twenty-five feet, mid is six stories high. In thii mammoth and pa latial workshop two hundred persons are constantly employed in putting up Dr. Pierce’s Medicines. While the Golden Medical Discovery’s curative effects are almost immediately felt, it is not merely a temporary stimulant, but is as certainly a safe and complete cure, in nil cases for which it is recommended, as it is that certain misery and death will follow their neglect. Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery will not cure club feet, will not refurnish armless or legless unfortunates with new and perfect limits, and it is not guaranteed that even a dozen bottles applied to any stray portion of a second hand skele ton, will develop such'member into an ani mate, human form divine (?). In brief, it is not asserted that this medicine will, or can, counteract the decrees of Providence R’t m all cases where a high state of civilization and cultivation has engendered disease and suffering, whereby God’s natural man has become a nervous, artificial being, the Gold en Medical Discovery will positively restore to him the strong, vigorous, self-asserting life, from which, almost unconsciously, he had drifted far, and perhaps hopelessly away. It is claimed, and guar; meed, if this medi cine be used as prescribed, and faithfully persevered in a reasonable time, it will per manently cure liver complaint, and the var ious blood disorders consequent upon torpor of the liver, in all their various forms and ramifications, including bronchitis, con sumption, which is scrofula of the lungs, dyspepsia, costiveness, sick-headnche, skin diseases, fever and ague, malaria, and other disorders arising from poisoned or deterior ated blood. This wonderful medicine cures all humors, from the worst scrofula to a common blotch, pimple or eruption. Erysipelas, salt rheum, fever sores, scaly or rough skin, in short, all diseases caused by bad blood, are conquered by this powerful, purifying and invigorating medicine. Great eating ulcers rapidly heal under its benign influences. Especially has it manifested its potency in curing tetter, boils, carbuncles, scrofulous sores and swellings, white swellings, goitre or flick neck, and enlarged glands. Consump ion, which is scrofulous disease of the lungs, is promptly and positively arrested and cured by this sovereign and God-given remedy, if taken before the last stages are reached. For weak lungs, spitting of blood, con sumptive night-sweats, and kindred affec tions, it is a sovereign remedy. For indi gestion, dyspepsia and torpid liver, or “bil iousness,’' Golden Med,cal Discovery has no equal, ns it effects perfect and radical cures. To all suffering from lassitude, weariness, despondency, lack of vigor or ambition, be it man, woman or child. Dr. Du rce’s Golden Medical Discovery will speedily impart new tone, vigor and fife to the whole system. The haggard face will grow round, ruddy, and beam with the expression of long lost con fidence. The step will be firm and elastic, and the relieved sufferer will once more enjoy in common with 'fellow men that feeling of proprietorship in earth, air and being, only fully realized by those in perfect health. Tne Golden Medical Discovery will not make drunkards or opium eaters; on the contrary, any unfortunate, driven by trouble, 'adversity or inherited appetite, to the use of insidious stimulants, will find the Discovery of great assistance in efforts to break the chains binding him to a shameful and mb ar able existence. Those feeling only “out of sorts,” with no predominant symptoms, and who, if asked, would find it (Ufiicult to explain their sensa tions, will find a sovereign remedy in the Golden Medical Discovery. Those who are irritable, petulant, or fret ful, ever seeing the gloomy side of life; who imagine “the time is out of joint;” to whom life is a heavy burden, not a blessing; who think the whole world is arrayed against them, and anticinate calamity at every turn; to all such let this message be full of en couragement and joy—Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery will radically cure them, when it will be found, to their lasting benefit, that life and the world have not changed, but that disease had thrown clouds of misery and woe about them, through which all things were seen, as “through a glass darkly. ,, Let no sufferer be discouraged because he or she has tried other medicines without benefit. In lact, these ate the coses the World’s Dispensary Med<cal Association particularly desire to reach through their Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery. When all other medicines fail let this be tried, and no one will be doomed to further disap pointment. The Golden Medical Discovery is a pre scription of a physician with a wide-awake reputation and an honorable position to maintain. It is far beneath the dignity of Dr. Pierce to lend his name to any vile nos trum, or catch-penny preparation, w hereby the public may be deceived. Having used his Discovery for many years in his un precedented private practice, he is convinced it is indeed a specific in diseases mentioned. Desiring this marvelous cure shall benefit not only those with whom he comes person ally in contact, but that all mankind may be embraced in his grand plan for the ameliora tion of human suffering, the doctor, through the World’s Dispensary Medical Association, earnestly and most confidently recommends his Gclden Medical Discovery to the public at large, assured the most skeptical will be thoroughly convinced of its worth by a trial of a single bottle. In stubborn, or long-seated affections, and where the bowels are very costive, the gentle, though certain action of the Discovery, will be more rapid and satisf actoryby supplement ing Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Purgative Pellets in small daily doses of one or two. These E ills (the original and only genuine Little aver Pills) are purely veyetable, sugar- coated, and very small, yet by the peculiar process used in their preparation, they pos sess the strength and virtue of larger and unpalatable pills. Pleasant Purgative Pellets will speedily remove all ill and dis agreeable effects ar sing from over-eating or drinking, and are recommended as a ca thartic at all times, being perfectly safe, sure and unattended by the griping pains usually experienced in the use of purgatives less carefully prepared. 'Promptly resorted to, these little Pellets will radically cure indi gestion, biliousness and sick-headnche, thus paving the patient from serious and lingering disorders. Dr. Pierce, the President of the World’s Dispensary, and his faculty of twelve skilled specialists, can be consulted by letter or in person in any case ot chronic disease requiring either medical or surgical treatment free of charge. For those desiring more exhaustive information than can be Imparted through correspondence, the doctor has written a book, called “The People’s Common Sense Medical Adviser, in Plain English; or, Medicine Simplified.” This work alone is a goodiy harvest for an ordinary life, and stamps its author a pro found scholar and a very remarkable man. The book contains nine hundred and twenty- two pages, illustrated with two hundred and eighty-six wood cuts and colored plates, and makes plain as a, b, c, anatomy, physi ology, materia medica, practice of medicine, hygiene, temperaments, psychology, etc.— and answers in plain, easily-to-be-uuder- stood terms all questions that may arise within their range, especially those ques tions the would-be inquirer is deterred by fear, or modesty, from asking the family or other physician. That all may be enabled to acquaint themselves with matter so vital to health, happiness, and success, the price of th's great work has been fixed at one dollar and fifty cents, postpaid by mail to any ad dress, while smaller and far inferior books, purporting to cover the same ground, have sold at five dollars a copy. It being the aim of the proprietors of the Common Sense Medical Adviser to reach not only the afflu ent, but also those in moderate, and even straitened, circumstances, the price of the work places it within the reach of all. AGRICULTURE, Saving Vegetable Seeds—Dr. George Tauber gives the following val uable facts concerning the “mixing” of plants;and its effect upon seeds: If there are many varieties of the same vegetable in a garden it is impossible to save the seeas of some in an unmixed state. Sweet corn and ail cf the squash family are quite sure to “mix.” On the other hand, peas and beans rarely cross. If one saves seeds of any vege table, let it be of the best. Instead of leaving the last peas on the vines for seeds, set opart a portion of a row tor seed and let none be picked irom it. By proper care the quality of a vegetable may be improved. In saving Lima beans we have for several years selected only those with four beans in a pod. As a consequence, the greater number of pods in the whole crop now have four beaus. The selection of the first ripen ed and best-formed tomatoes for seed will have a marked effect upon future crops, and this is the case with all other vegetables. If one has a choice melon he would preserve in its purity the sur est method is to fertilize a few female flowers. Take a male flower of the same kind that is shedding its pollen, remove tbe corolla, to expose the stamens. Se lect a female flower that is just ready to open, bui; has not been visited by in sects; open it, and apply the stamens to the pistil of % that flower. Cover the flowers thus operated upon by a bit of muslin until tue fruit begins to grow. DOMESTIC, Db. Grinnell, in a recent address before the Vermont danymen, conten ded that oleomargarine, if clean and pure, is not unwholesome. It can nev er have the fine flavor of good butter, because the highly volatile oils which give such butter its aroma aie wanting and can never be added to it, but in all other respects, Le said, the two aie identical. But until the oleomargarine makers can satisfy the public that their product is “clean and pure” there will continue to be a natural and not unjust suspicion of it Most people would prefer the very poorest butter to oleo margarine made from nobody knows what abominable stuff. Taking Cone.—The Periscope says, “When a person begins to shiver, the blood is receding from the surface; con gestion, to a greater or less extent, has taken place, and tne patient has already taken cold, to be fallowed by a fever, inflammation of the lungs, neuralgia, rheumatism, eic. All these evils can be avoided and tbe cold expelled by walking or in some exercise that will produce a prompt and decided reaction in the system. The exercise should be sufficient to produce perspiration. If you are so situated that you can get a glass of hot water to drink, It will ma- teriaMy aid the perspiration, and in every way assist natnre in her efforts to remove the cold. This course followed, your cold is at an end, and whatever disease it would ultimate m is avoided; your sufferings are prevented and your doctor's bill saved.” HUMOBOUB. Tub following is a specific for the squash bug: To one barrel of water take half a bushel of good hen manure, aud mix thoroughly. Let staud, but stir every three or four days, aud keep covered ro prevent evaporation. The older it is the better. Apply to the vines with a coarse sprinkler, but do not use too much at a time, as it is a po fr etful fertilizer. To which wo may add that a spoonful of saltpetre to every halt gallon of such mixture will insure the destruction of the bugs. Gardens have been known to be free from pests by the use of saltpetre alone, while squashes iu neighboring gardens, only a few rods distant, where no saltpetre was used, were destroyed by them. By means of the drainage of land the various chemical actions which take place through the actiou of the atmos phere on the surface soil are carried down to a greater or less extent into the subsoii, for as the water level is lowered the air enters from above to fill the cavities in the soil. By drainage, also, the depth to which roots will pen etrate is increased, for roots will not grow in the absence of oxygen, and rot as soon as they reach a permanent wa ter level. Thebe are many farmers who have extra good butter cows and do not know it. They have poor pastures in summer and no shelter and indifferent feed in winter. In the house they have no con venience for making butter; the milk is set where there are no arrangements for keeping it coo) in summer, and in the living room, exposed to the odors of the kitchen, in winter, and neither I the quantity nor the qn&lity or any in- I dex of what a cow can do is kept. An Approved Remedy.—Based upon the theory that the food that contains the largest amount of carbon or heat, is the most effectual in cases of lung diseases, in order that the supply of vitality shall be kept up beyond the point that the internal fever exhausts it, a Western physician has promulgated a remedy for consumption which iu most of its component parts is not only familiar but seems to be iu favor even among those who are not affected by any dis ease, save a chronic condition of thirst. This prescription is simply one-half pound of beefsteak; one drachm of pul verized charcoel; four ounces of sugar; four ounces of rye whiskey and a pint of hot water. Taking the last three articles and, on the Irish plan for mak ing punch, reducing the amount of aba ter, it is a medicine that has been taken for years and certainly by frequent use, has a highly excitant effect. The Value of Soup.—The New York Times says there are hundreds of fami lies in comfortable circumstances who never have soup at dinner (which with out soup is always a failure), unless it be a sort of ragout, the product of what farmers call a boiled dinner. They are not aware how easy it is to prepare or dinary soup, and how cheap it is too. It can be made of almost anything, and a pot of water placed on the stove may be the recipient of divers odds and ends ot meat and vegetables to excellent ad vantage. After these have been boiled a few hours there will be found in the pot a very good soup, wholesome, nour ishing, appetizing, and its cost will be nominal. If the experiment were tried, many families would be surprised and pleased at tbe result. They would have a much better dinner for almost nothing than taey have hitherto hail any idea of, and once accustomed to soup they could not be persuaded to relinquish it. A simple soup benefits at once health, appetite anu the purse. Pot Closets.—Almost all old-fash- ioued New England housekeepers re serve the little aioset under the sink for pots and kettles for no apparent reason except that it is the most inconvenient place to put them, aud that it is impos sible tiflift them from their hidiug place without some trouble. What is needed among housekeepers is an enterprising heretic, with no respect for traditions, who will make her husband put up a shelf iu the pantry about two feet from the floor, and will keep her kettles on that. The sugar bucket aud molasses jug could be kept underneath it, the trying-pans could be piled upon it in a nest, and the pots and kettles could stand on it ready to be swung out at a second’s notice. Moreover, they would be sweeter aud cleaner for being exposed to the air in this way, and the little clos et could be reserved for the stove brush es. Sore Throats,—As the cool mornings and evenings are coming on' apace, there will be a great many complaints, among the little people especially, of sore throat, My little sister Flora spent three weeks with me recently, aud while here had a slight sore throat for which I mixed a tew spoonfuls of vinegar with enough water to make it weak enough to be swallowed, adding a “bit” of alum, a “pinch'’ ot salt and a “dust” of pep per, Although she is usually averse to mcdlciue, she took this eagerly, asking lor it whenever she thought of it. The ingredients are always at hand, it is easily mixed, palatable, safe aud sim ple, and will usually prove all that is needed in sore throat from a cold. To Starch Collars and Cuffs.— Take clear starch, scrape into it some floor wax or spermaceti, which can be procured in any drug store, aud mix with cold water; then pour boiling wa ter in it until it is thick enough; boil a few minutes, then rub the starch good into the collars, then let them dry; then a few hours before you are ready to iron, take a teuspoonful of starch, dis solve it in cold water, about a pint, then dip the collars in it and wring out; roll in a dry cloth, aud when you get ready to iron, do not have the iron too hot, and iron perfectly diy. ToSn pNosk bleeding.—Take brown paper and told it one-quarter of an inch wide and one and one-half inches long, three or fom ply thick, aud place this ou the upper gums. Hold it there firm with your upper lip. Now hold upright the arm, hand and fingers, that are on the bleeding side, and press the bleed ing nostril with the other hand, Hold the arm straight up, close to the head, and the bleeding will stop in one or two minutes. If you are much addicted to bleeding, you had better uot partake of sweet milk. Violets in Pots.—About the end of Octobar put tne plants rather firmly in six or seven inch pots, using "any good garden soil, thoroughly watering when newly potted, aud partially shading for a lew days. If not properly watered the leaves will become yellow and the flowers fail to attain lull size. Kept exposed to the sun, with a cool temper ature at night, they will flower well. Rat Poison. —The Germans extirpate rats by furnishing them with cakes made of two parte squills aud three parte chopped bacon, and meal enough to make a stiff mass. The rate go away, as any animal of taste naturally would it provided with such a meal. To clean stair rods, use woolen cloth wet with water and dipped in sifted coal ashes; afterwards rub with a dry cloth. Fresh cream is the best cure for sun burn. It draws the fire, soothes and heals. A bit of sand paper in the house will keep needles sharp and save annoyance. Onion juice will instantly allay the pain of mosquito bitas. This Is the season when hens run mad aud will not be comforted unless they can hide away somewhere and ait day and night on a wooden nest egg or an old door knob. Several men were dis cussing this question in a grocery store one evening recently, A man who owns a large -flock of Dorkings remarked: “Not even an act of Congress can break up a setfin* hen. ” “Ever tried jam min’ ’em under a barrel, aud pourin’ water on ’em ?” demanded the man on the su gar barrel. “Yes,” said the Dorking man, “I’ve poured water on ’em 'till they grew .webfooted, like a blamed duck and afterwaids found ’em in an old coal hole sittin’ away on lumps o’ coal.” “Tie a red rag round one wing,” said a man who was eating cheese and crackers. “That’ll fix ’em.” “Might’s Well offer ’em a chromo,” said the Dork ing man. “I tied a whole red aoolen shirt on one last spring, and dog my cate if she didn’t make a nest of it and set three weeks on the buttons l” Then the grocer said it was time to close up, aud each man girded up his loins and slowly filed out. By contracting a severe Cough and Coid, I was compelled to give up my daily work and keen to the house. A neighbor recommended me to try a bot tle of Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup; it was procured and used; to my astonishment relief was instantaneous. Edw. W. Clayton, Waverly, Md. “Arrested for carrying a pistol, was he ?” asked a Magistrate of an officer, referring to a gentleman who had just been arraigned. “Let’s see the pistol.” The weapon was produced and handed to the Judge, who examined it and asked; “Where did you get it?” “Bought it at a hardware store.” “What did it cost ?” “Fifteen dollars.” ‘ ‘Fine implement. How’ll yon swop?” and the Judge drew out a pistol and handed it to the prisoner. “Take 010 to boot.” “AU right. I’ll flue you 010. That makes us even.” Cna'P'tsT Fashion Magazine in the world, i 20 large pages, 4 pages new music, 1000 engravings each issue. 60 cents per year; single copies 16 cents. Stbxwbbidgb & Clothixb. Sth & Market Sts., Phila. The parents have taken the youngest of their three daughters to the theatre. They had had their doubts about tak ing one of the elder ones, for the play was rathev of the ’’naturalistic” kind; but as for the youngest, poor child, she would never see anything wrong in it. At one of the most “natnralistie” scenes the little maid observes with all unimaginable gravity: ‘'You were quite right, ma! It would neverhave done to let the girls see it I” The Conflict of the Rnrea. Between disease ancf health is often brief snd fatal. It i- better to be provided with cheap and simple remedies for such common disorders as coughs, colds, etc., than to run tbe risk of contracting a fatal disease through neglect Dr. Wm. Hall’s Balsam is a sure and sate remedy for all diseases of the lubgs and chest If taken in seaeon It is certain to cure, and may save yon from that terrible disease. Consumption, it has been known aud used for many years In Am.-rica, and it is no exagge atton to say that it is the best remedy in the world for Coughs, ctr. ksk for Dr. Wm. Hall's Bal sam tor the Lungs, and take no other. Sold by all Druggists. It takes an Irishman to tom a com pliment. 'When he saw Jones after having met the latter with Mrs. J., Pat MoFiahertysaid: “Ye are mooch young er than your wife, surr.” Presently he met the wife and remarked: “The idea of sich a young woman marrying Mis- ther Jones !” The next day he met them together, but he wasn’t at a loss for blarney. “Ooh,” he exclaimed, “ye are both of yez too young for each other.” Pure cod brer oil from selected livers, an the seashore, by Caswell, Hazard St Co., N. Y. Absolutely pure and sweet Pa tients who have once taken it prefer It to all others. Physicians declare it superior to all other ods. Chapped hands, face, pimples and rough skin cured by using Juniper Soap, made by Caswell. Hazard St Co.. New York. An Austin justice found a negro gnil- ty of assault, aud addressed him as fol lows: “I ahall either fine yon ten dol lars and costs, or send yon to jail for ten days.” “For goodness sake, your honor,” exclaimed the young lawyer who was the prisoner’s attorney, “don’t impose a fine on the man. Just send him to jail. Don’t rob him of his mon ey. I’ve not gqt my fee from him yet, and it's almost rent day.’’ *Mrs. Lydia E. Binkham’s Vegetable Compound is a most valuable medicine for ladies of all ages who may be afflict ed with any form of disease peculiar to the sex. Her remedies are not only put up in liquid lorms but In Pills and Loz enges in which forms they are securely sent through the mails. X., a wild fellow, has a charming home, but the life out doors is so agree able that he is rarely to be found at his house. In despair of ever meeting him one of hie numerous creditors sent him the following: “Dbab Sib—I respectfully invite you to pass Friday evening at your house. Yours, etc.” Is your hair falling out- or scalp diseas ed? Oarbolke, a deodorized extract ot petroleum, as now improved and per fected, is just the article you need. Buy a bottle, and, like thousands who are using it all over the land, you will value It as the choicest of all toilet prepara tions. “Secrets of the confessional: “Is it a sin,” asks a fashionable lady o f her spiritual director, “for me to feel pleasnre when a gentleman says I am handsome ?” “It is, my daughter,” he replies, gravely; “we should never delight in falsehood 1” “Rough on R.-ua.” Clears out rats, mice, roaches, dies, ants, bed bugs, skunks, chipmunks, gophers. 15c. Druggists “So mean to tell me,” she said, plead ingly, “that you wouldn’t give a fifty dollar bill frr this beautiful duck of a bonnet?” “I do jnst that, decidedly,” he replied. “Why, bo, Archibald?” “Because the fifty dollar bill is the big gest.” Teacher—“If two boys should find ten apples under a tree, how many would each boy have?” Bright scholar —“That would depend upon whether the one that could lick was apple-hun gry or not” A sponge-bath u considered a very fine thing. We know a young man in a boarding-house this side of Sign Bridge who recently, at the advice of a friend, went out and purchased a sponge about the size of a plug-hat and I r \ng it up on his door. The next morning he took his first and last sponge-bath. This is the reason it was his last: As he ap plied the sponge pretty hard, he fancied on the first rub, that he was sitting down upon two miles of hornet’s stings covered with red pepper. And this is the reasor the sponge felt so: The af ternoon before, the landlady went np stairs and used that sponge to wash the dog, and the dog had just been out in a back lot rolling on a pile of gravel and broken glass. Fr»s«r 4»1« Grease. One grearing Imt-- two weeks; til others two or three days. Do not be mposed on by the humbug muff off-red. Aakyour dealer for Fra zer s, wi.b label oa Saves your Ijgrge.ltbsrMfid jo i too. It receivedJUat-niedkl at theOentei'.- nial and Paris Expositions. Sold everywhere. “Dkabeks, sweetest, wbat is it? Are you sick? What ails my preo> _ns pet V” and the yonng hnsband bent tenderly over the graceful form of his blushing bride. “Oh, Adolphus Edward, it’s too dreadful for anything.” “Bad news from home?” “Worse, worse? Oh, what shall I do?” “Tell yonr own darling hubby.” “It’s that awful Selina Tarbox, she’s—” “She’s what, my precious?” “She’s got a bonnet trimmed exactly like mine and to-morrow’s Sunday!” Then the sfflictcd beauty buried her face in her hnsbadd’s breast and trickled her pearly tears ail over his 03 shirt. Emory’s Little Cathartic Pill—best made lor Liv. Complaint and Biliousness. Tasteless, ha. nless, infallible. 16c. The latest story is that of a man who can heat a bucket of water in ten min utes by just sticking his nose into it, That’s easily accounted for—his nose has got a boil on it. An English agriculturist announces, as the result of careful experiment and observation, the conclusion that where com is drilled from east to west the yield is much larger than when drilled from north to south, as in the former case the sun can shine down the rows, whereas in the latter case each row makes a kind of wall which shades the next row. There is so mnch common sense in this that many will wonder why they did not think of it before. Several of our exchanges are devot ing considerable spacq to the importance of “cooking girls.” It’s no use. We don’t want them cooked. The raw dam sel is good enough. Mother Swan’s Worm Syrup. Infallible, tasteless, harmless, cathartic; for fe verishness, restlessness, worms, constipation. 26c. To Protect Farm Tools.—An excel lent preparation for the preservation of the iron work of farm implements, may be made by the slow melting together of six or eight parte of lard to one of resin, stirring till cool. This remains semi-fluid, always ready for use, the re sin preventing rancidity, and supplying an air-tight film. Rubbed on a bright surface ever so thinly it protects aqd preseives the polish most effectually. Gastrine. Gastrine should betaken before or after meals to insure perfect assimilation of food. Gastrine is in liquid form. By all druggists The Cultivation of Celery.—Dwarf celery shot’' 1 alweys be planted on the level surface of the ground. The large varieties may be grown in shallow tren ches from four to six inches below tbe surface. Better success will be attained, and with less labor, by sowing the seed where the celery is to be grown, than by sowing in a seed-bed and transplant ing the plants to shallow drills or tren ches. The benefits arising from this method of culture are numerous. Use St. Patrick’s Salve, and learn its great value. One trial convinces. A resident of Oil Creek warns fruit growers against using petroleum on frmt trees and shrubs. It kills all trees around where it is pumped, he says, and a neigh boring orchard painted with it early one spring showed a handsome bark and fine fruit that year, but declined afterward. Ladies and children’s boots and shoes cannot run over if Lyon’s Patent Heel Stiffeners are used Carbolic acid of ammonia, in the foot-bath, will cure perspiration of the feet. “Buchu-Falba.” Tbe quick, complete care,all annoy in* Kidney, Bladder and Urinary lse»aei. Druggists. It is not strange that many great pol iticians have been enthnsiastio fisher men. Not so much that they take pleas nre in pulling strings. COUGH SYRUP fiosUPtirs k. stomach _ 0* Fitter 5 ie great Bitten, wTl do, mnat be gathered Irom what it has done. It has effected radical cures in tnonsanda of cases ot >.;spepsla, billons disorders, intermit tent fever, net runs affections, general deb.Utv, constipation, sick headache, mental despondency, and the peculiar complaints and disabUliies to which the feeble are so subject. For sale by all Druggists and Dealers generally. LYDIA E. PINKHAM’S VEBETABLS CCMPOOTP. A Sara Care for nil FiJMALS V.'itASs NESSES, Including Leacorrhoea, Ir regular and Painful Menstruation, Inflammation and Ulceration of the Womb, Flooding, PRO LAPSUS UTERI, Ac. tETFleassat to the taste, efficacious and Innnedlntr In IU effect. It Is a great help ia pregnancy, and re iieves pain during labor and at regular periods. FHTSICim USE IT A!tD PRFSlEIBE IT TSEEIT. tWFoa aiaWEiHT— of the generative orpranf of either sex, it is second to no remedy that has era noen before the public t and for all diseases of the Eidstts it is the Greatest Remedy in the world. Hf-RinVEY COMPLAINTS of Either Sex Find Great Relief In Its Use. LYDIA E. PINKHAM’S BLOOD PURIFIER will eradicate every vestige of Humors from the Blood, at the same time will give tone and etrength to the system. As marvellous in results as tha Compound. tWBoth the Compound and Mood Purifier are nre. pored at 233 and 235 Western Avenue, Lynn, Mass. Price of either,*!. Six bottles for *5. The Compound is sent by mall In the form of pills, or of losenges, on receipt of price, *1 per box for either. Mrs. Pink ham freely answers all letters of inquiry. Enclose J cent stamp. Send for pamphlet. Mention thte Paper. nrLTDlA 8. PntXHaX’s I.ivxb Ptti s cure Constipa tion, BiUousuesu and Torpidity ot tho Liver. 25 cents. Z&’Sold by all Druxeriata.'SE TO, Vital Questions!! Ask the most eminent physieian Of any school, what is the last thing in the world for quieting aad allaying all irri tation of the nerves and curing all forms of nervous complaints, giving natural, childlike retreshing sleep always ? And they will tell you unhesitatingly “Some form of Hops 1” CHAPTER L Ask any or all of tbe most eminent phy sicians: “What is the best and only remedy that can be relied on to cure all diseases of the kidneys and unnary organs; such as Brights disease, diabetes, retention or inability to retam urine, and all the diseases and ail ments peculiar to Women”— “And they will tell you explicitly and emphatically “Buchu.” Ask the same physicians “What is the most reliable and surest cure for all liver diseases or dyspepsia, con stipation, indigestion, biliousness, malarial fever,ague, & etc.,” and they will tell you: Mandrake 1 or Dandelion I” Hence, when these remedies are com bined with others equally valuable And compounded into Hop Bitten, such a wonderful and mysterious curative pow er is developed which is so varied in its operations that no disease or ill health can possibly exist or resist its power, and yet it is Harmless tor the most frail woman, weakest invalid or smallest child to use. CHAPTER* n. “Patients “Almost dead or nearly dying” For yean, and given up by physicians ot Bnght’s andother kidne y diseases, hver complaints, severe coughs called consump tion. have been cured. Women gone nearly erazv I From agony ol neuralgia, nervousness, wakeful ness and various diseases pecul ar to women. People drawn out of shape from excruciating pan is of Rheumatism. Inflammatory and chronic, or suffering from scrofulai Erysipelas 1 salt rheum, blood poisoning, dyspepsia, indiges tion, and in lact almost all diseases frail Nature is heir to Have been cured by Hop Bit ers, proof of which can be found In every ncighbornood in the knowu world. KIPPER'S PASTILLES.' ”**'” '"ISTHM. by mall. Stowell * Co. 'harlestown. Mass. $72 A WEEK. *42 a day at home easily made. Costly outfit free. Address Thus & Co.. Augusta. Me Morphine Habit Cured In IS to 20 days. No pay till Gored. Da. J. Mtsphk.nh, Lebanon, Ohio, SIS lliose unsweriiiK an nuverllseiurui will confer a favor upon tbe adver tiser and tbe pabllsber by stating tbat they saw tbe advertisement nf tbla loarnnl In si am In pattor*. 3M0SJREE afiSteWo will man ^ the Phlladel phlaWeeklyTmiatmi aud Farheb, every week, for three whole months, on trial, \a any address, on re* cefpt of only 12 centi in stamps to pay post age on 12 consecutive numbers, published weekly, or for twenty five cents, silver or ■tamps, we will mail the TUIBCNE & Far- her every week for « months. To anyone sending us a club of four twenty five cent subscriptions, we will send a sample of 811- ver-plated ware B remlums, choice ol Utter Knife. Sup Spoon, GplAjitiM Pebcitin-BOOks, hon- liywgurable, goods, . Irictly first-clast in . Tii |iii1iii hi libli 1n nfl a year. Established l‘2 years, ^peerffneatures. original articles. How to snake more Money In one month than you ever did before. Mow to Make tbe Farm Pay, How Farm ers are Swindled, by bogus Commission Merchants, horse and stock auctions, etc. D. D. T. MOORE. Founder and for twenty-flva years, editor ol Moore’s Rural New-Yorker, Is the Agricultural Editor of the TRIBUNE and FARMER, and con- Market Gardening. Horticultural Matters, Agri cultural Machinery, with a list of Agricultural Inventions weekly, Philadelphia Market Reports, Answers to Correspondents, Ac., Ac., Half dozen Splendid Stories every week, House hold Department, whole page every week. Original letters from lady readers on all household topics. Regular Correspondents, Aunt Addle, AUnt Rva,“MayI»elle.” snd a dozen others. Fancy Work, Fash. Ions, How to Entertain Company, Cure of Children, Doctor’s Advice, and Cooklni Recipes, worth double subscription price, Youth’i Department, Stories, Puzzles, and Home Amuse ments, Mose ttktnner’s Humorous Letters Detective Sketches, and Answers u Correspondents. No Sensational trash. Address H. K. CURTIS & CO , Pubs, Philadblphia, Pa fllGAKN !*R cheap by the hundred u by the million. ~:seiulS.T for eamples or price 1st THE YIL- JLAGE vrORK AO.. Bridgeport. I'onn. r cent profit Lady and Gent Agents wanted. uj>le by mall, iuo. Agents’ Novelty Uo , m, Ot. Is the People’s Newspaper. There U uo mystery about Its loves and hates. It Is for tbe lione t man against tbe ro/ues every time. It Is for the bouest Democrat as against the dishone t Re- publ'can, aud for tbe honest Republican as against the dishonest Democfait. Subscription : Daily (4 pages), by ma.l, .Wo. a month, or Stt.fio a year; Sunday (8 pages), *1.20 jier year; WipcitLY (8 pages), fiLOO per year. I. Vi. ENGLAND. Publisher, New York City. FREE “Health Helper" * 1*1111 Perfect Health. H.H.Boxl04Buflao,N.Y. $65 aWarTO TEACHERS Light Business In yonr county. Address, P. W. ZIEGLER A CO., 916 Arch St, Philadelphia. THE SUN BJETOffi CTOS . ■ •saw* hu-, * — ——I oworumitj ul jnai by tka lAlMS —Mm. ommmta Ol. g ■bald la a life .r kart mid, • <( Hma, aa.*! - Um om. no B MATER. MMa oAm. Ml An* Sin*. —••’-ICjliy f*. AaaMssife Chicago, IQ. WANTED ESERGMIU LADIES of good address to sell INTAHDRKD LAUN- „ DRY WAX, The goods are FIRHT.CLA88. CHEAP, and s-U readily. For iarticulara address Nil. an II. PAINE, Room 14. Standard Block, S lrvrlmml. Ohio. vnilhn 'l y° u wi' 1 to become TELK- lUUilU Hi Lit (i a i H OPERATORS!, and be guaranteed employment, address P. W. BE M Ai.a.O. "THE BEST IS CHEAPEST.'* 1MINBS, TUDCCUCDCSAWiniS, ImePowen * nFlLOriLnO flgTerHillen (Bolted to all sections.) Write for FlIBB Dios. PaamliM ■fed Prices to The Aaltman A Taylor Oo., MonaOsld. Oblo. nH ALL'S.. FOR THE LUNGS. BALSAM heals tbeMeii^MNR ef tbe I.non, inflamed and pelsourd by the dlMMkSN, and prevents the night sweat, and agotneae weretm the chest which accompany |fe, vossaniptlon Is not an Inenrahle inal.idy.l H-ALl/’M BAIoHAtU will care yoa, even l l j CU RiSWHf * l ALL ElStFAUl" | I sasnMasssssai I Bure Cure tor Epilep l Poor. Db. Kbcse, 2 y or Fits m 24 hours. Free to >4 Arsenal st, 8t Louis. Mo $150,000 GIVEN AWAY! THE PRACTICAL FARMER, OF PHILADELPHIA, from an intimate acquaintance with Iti reader., has ^ ?0-, .n order to gire each of ou, fatacrib- . iffravings—supefb Th£T , Sli f Jf e - pa f cr ; J. n i w ir en WC *'7- addition, the opportunity'to eb»in 4n’ Improved Farm.Ve miTne I * tvery Subscriber will receive a Premium. The PRACTICAL FARMER * hy.raachail Worm 101855. and is one of the oldest Agricultural. Literary and Family Journal* publirhed. wcrklVat^ ^ ' pu,l,lo,l "J* of > h 'T''ghMt. and Subscribers rarely drop from our lists. It has it pages, published weekly at }2.oo per annum. want Tf/no new subscribers in two months, I and oner as Premiums the Steel-Plate Engravincra I and mgravings I good! MPEDYEDI t Located in the States 16,630 LORES of Kansas, Misaourl, and worth llowa, Nebraska and 000 ^Dakota, aBUreflatino J Farms are all In good condition, and are liPstze I,sir. _ _ . . , bom so to 980 acres, and worth from J6oo to tio.ooo each. The Farms will hr I W n r i^ I ” T * cl 5 ar » n d perfect Title shown from the United Stales down. They are all ready to ■ occupy, and will be productive homes from the start. As hish as SO HI.’MIKLS 4»F U llir a T I Vh , ' le,e I* 5 * AH of these lands are Just as good, and will produce as^mnch under like |circumstances. ITte tenancies are such that potsession can he given at once. How VOti vnnv nhtnln *** _, Ts Farms. Subscribe for the " PRACTICAL FARMER. Immediate'-"™-"3*515, ori N Of IKS Farmo. S^Vibe for theACTKaLFaVmeR.''''lmmediately"fJmreceivingtlX currem , '" ,nh « r "f lhe URMER will be mailed to the sender, his name entered uMn ofu^b 33?™ a*>P* pCT co 3!' nucd I f °. r one J re * r . As soon as we have 10,000 new Subscribers registered on’our hooks WC e w *r* rd eac * 1 °f them a premium, aggregating in v;. lue J'..\fxio, In such a manner that *’^„!| U ^r?n-' r * f *l r and *9“ opportunity to obt cue of the Farms and Engravings. In the same way the r nnn and ‘OilC.’iMgSCasva us FMinaf’Yifwsva■rill n»j»r-*i.»a» t> : i *.u_ _“».i « __ .. _ **/ is given away. These- Farms am Venn Mwaubseriberswill receive their Premiums until th««ntTrejIsoa)» wiJthSfil^LSj d rhirravings are intended as premiums to nurSubscribera. The distribution of thiI,eA . ; 1 ' .. ; -.S. ...vw.isssa.vi aas |Sl cats IU11I3 IU l»UI OUl’airiUCTN. i flf (llSirinUIlnn Df tba>co ic ’ >yr ,tm,ou5 B 3° n ja ur F 0 ! ?, nd s 'htended by us as a means 01 divtuing with our Subscribers the profits of the ■ year. The name and address of those securing the . prunes 01 me ■ valuable Premiums will be published In the PR AC- I Tir* AI c-ADkfc-D ij s_a Having made up our mind to * u£ JTICAL FARMER. I secure, at any cost, the largest circufation of any 1 Agricultural Paper in the World, we have resolved [to forego all profits and give our Subscriliers the | Farms and Engravings for the benefit derived from nd future large < ‘ | the present and A sample I . ■ arpe circulation. Paper containing description of the Engravings and of the too Farms, with a description of lhe improve ments. dimensions of houses, etc., will be sent free. WHO WILL RECEIVE THE $10,000 FARM? I II Efe D A TP C? ISk £5 order that yonr name and your friends names may be among the first series sXifeHtfL Md^tt Pf?P«ty will be award- Show the led, suTocriTiea,"once and*«t |paper conuing the list of Varms and deKription if improvcmenTs Jf you wTl?gh 0 ,o",8&l1&^%„d‘K « will give the gettcr-up of the Club a subscription for himself FREE, which will awe him m.l T scrihers to obuin one of the Farms. For ao subscriber, and^J?, wc giveTwo Ixtta su^Xion^L ic .ihl!^ andI50. threeextraaubacripBona: lor waubscribera. four «trtsubscriptions .for M aubwTbin and'fcS senpitona! for 10 subscriber and <So. agextra subscriptions ; for 45 subscri^“eX ,?bKriotio'n.”.?^f h,veTee P n 0 te57 ^‘the” uS.1 TtoS , ? l ^^Jr&ffi-!?!f^. a '’ d r A , ba ” art » * Title fo all the Farm, Address PRACTICAL, FARMER.plitiadelDhta Pa 5000 MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN FARMER^slm S D U i? <:rt ‘ > ' r *fl oth<! *’ RACT, * CA1 - yourself. neighbor,’or parents, a fine Farm. FARMER. Sample copy fre,. You may gat f tfifi J week 111 your owu town. Terma and 86 outfit ♦UO free. Aatlreee H. Hallett fit Go., PoruuuLMe A ®1CJITN WANTKD lor the Beet and Faeteet- iY aelimg Pictorial Hooke and Biblee. Prices re- om-ed ud per cent, y attokal Pub, Co.. PhilaAa, pa. C D COLEMAN BUSINESS COLLEGE, • L3 a a Newark N. J. Write for Catalogue. FREE! HEllHN MAIL—AfuildwcnpiEn r" of Moody-8 New Tailob Systim ol Dbess Cctti no. D. V). Moody & Co., *1W. 9th, t in- CiliU&tl, \J. Sai to SQ(111! OH) hi lit UiO-baZblilekworth85 fra 90 LU ♦au Add k ie fciiMioK Jt Co.. Portland .He M •x v- > Si