The Darlington news. (Darlington, S.C.) 1875-1909, February 25, 1886, Image 1
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•FOR U8 PRINCIPLE 18 PRINCIPLB-^RIQHT IS MQHT—YESTESDAY, TO-DAY. TO MORROW, FOREVER.”
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VOL xn. NO 8.
DARLINOTON, 3. 0.. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 35,1886.
WHOLE NO 581.
/«
belli u to prie
these ertbeeUioa,ii»4 we Eunbtoe Mile*
fmetiwe Hi rsery yrt|>ehr»f ehOTjemeOilmg
eew wwb. We^Weelwape*pMfnewi te
Sll estltreml sheet Mtfe* Tor Bktte? BIU
Heede, Lotus IheSb. €m(«W INhS UUt
Pesters. Ciremta*, PtNKphhrth, lie.
All job werb «e.t beptfd fW
a'lif
ittni
BtUtk,
o
YOUTH RENEWED.
••I wtefc Y weiw m bf ***‘« 1 ”
go sighed s mss o’ertssked ;
Amd fate was at his elbow'theft a
A ad graated what he ashed. I' > ^ ■ 1
Bsdaead agaia U boyhood's sise,
Henvad hiaieelf oace norSL (J «.
The aswiraat for sMay a prise
That he had lost before.
Bis seheolssates all around hist pressed,
iStrtr, t kil youthful sost * ''
Ter toil er sport was gome,
The lessees that were easy ones
Were aew mere hardly dous;
■a Mt histself the very duties
That ha had Belied, bis sop !'. . ..
The bleaders that be mads of old
■s aew avoids at will;
ethers, grower, 4s%dHer, held
Their Uad sheet me 4ill. -
The hade around leek ea and qm»
This Solon gone to seboel—
They think that all hi" eautioa is
The wisdom of a fool!
Things are aot always what they seem ;
And when tho man awoke
Pram what was hat e"lh*«»ad dream
la eke rad toaep ks woke:
•Lifs’s rale is easily understood—
We may aot lire agaia ;
Bet boyhood's days for boys are good,
Aad maabood’s dayrfor men ”
The Barrister’s Bride.
The Reverend John Derby, one
of tike moot pious end learned min
isters of tba English Cburcb, died
in 1812, sincerely regretted not on
ly by tbe friends « bo bad known
Mm intimately in private life, but
afeo by those who bad listened to
his preaching. His family consist
ed of an only daughter named Car
olioe. Jast before bis death be de
termined to leave her to tbe guar
dianship ot tbe only man be sin
cerely loved, s former pupil whom
he only t bought of as Col. George,
hot who had si one become Lord
Wilton.
▲t that Lord Wilton was with
hie regiment in Spain. At Victoria
he heard ot the death of tbe worthy
John Derby, who by hi* last will
bad left him a pretty child to pro
tact, a ward to educate. At such a
distance be could only, after accep-
ing the legacy, write to his sister,
Mrs. Fane, and beg ber to receive
the orphan at ber home at Brent
ford until bis return.
A short time after, being wound
ed at the battle of Victoria, he re
tnrued to England, and hastened to
receive in person bis old friend's
legacy. He expected to find under
hie sirtei*s care a child to bring np,
m pupil to educate. To bis aaton
ishment be found a young lady,
with more than ordinary beauty
and intelligence; ebe waa about sev
eateea, and even at that age was
diatiagatshed by a certain ardor aad
exaltation of miad which gave a
boldaeas and originality to all her
ideaa, sentiment* aad words.
‘ the 1
8be lived
Te the eyee ot Caroline the wr rid
waa a poem, a romance.
lietg, redlitie* dTMWfc dany
lift aetnaNy tofotlod ber. and it
was with tbe greatest rclntance that
she maned from ber imaginary
rambles throogb space. She was so
mudly • artied liy the fainest -ouikI,
«e qaiekly touched by a single word,
end so ialeasely excited by tbe
amal lest adventure, that ber friends
at Brentford gave her the oams of
"Poetry»penooitisd.
Lard Wilton was wary much as
toaiahed at tbe eooeotriettiee which
he dally discovered in Caroline’s
r, and at first distressed and
l; hat be was young,
rather an original himself, and he
qaiekly became passionately attach
•d to his beeatifhl ward. On ber
aide, Caroline was muob astonish-
ed to find her guardian a man of
thirty, olevtf, intelligent, and full
of poetic enthusiasm, instead of an
atderly, dull, common pi hoc sol tier
such as she bad expected. The dis
corny delighted ber, and in a littte
while she wu^egdy In^pve with
■'iitert* taiowtn-
al affection did not eacapc thoob-
k-J'ane, and she de-
to pat mi ond to this ex
travagance, this aiyatctiOaefm|iion
which was otibosivo alike to ber
pride and berprinciplee. She spoke
piaialy to ber brother's pretty ward,
told ber what she bad observed, and
begged her to think seriously of
tbeeaormoas distanoe that separ
ated the poet’s mansion from the
Bbe appealed
td her modesty, her
lurage sad ber grati
At last Mrs. Fane’s eloquent
fBdigaatkn triumphed, and Caro-
Use, weeping bitterly, promised to
love and admire her guardian no
longer. For complete security, Mrs.
Fane at last induced her to promise
to auny a rich baronet who had
made her an offer. i
The euffedqgs Induced „ by the
or«M daty thus ithposeT up6n ber
fiaally earned one of thoee fits of
poetic fervor ot which 1 have al
tdy spdterfr lb wet* fiery imag
inatioa despqir paweiLasbopc had
fts illosiens dbd ftsmfoams; in ber
day dreams, instead of brooding
dnhr her love for Lord Wiltoo, she
thought of the immensity of sorrow
pud loop. tihe-eoBW apt.be happy,
and so took deligbl in exaggera
ting the chances of misery; as it
was impossible to end tbe love ro
mance in the bHppiness of marriage
in ber aching heart she composed
the mournfnl poem of abnegation
find sacrifice.
J v Lord Wilton, who listened and
looked on in silence, waaeatirthr aft
a loss to account for the sudden
change in tbe girl. Her apparent
anxiety to marry this rich old man
inspired in bjm disdaio and disgust
and anger. He ooald not pardon
ber preference for Sir Edward Ban
ister a newly created baronet, a
tongh sailor, with about as much
grace, manners and cultivation as a
t)—fo |
After many nseless remonstran
oes, Lord Wilton prepared bis ac
counts as guardian, adding a band-
some. upm to Caroline’s fortune,
and presented her wjttf lau elegant
tsewesaen and wadding presents.
Praying to God lor tbe happiness of
tbe woman be bad lost, be buried
bis love in a sunny spot in tbe place
of honor in his memory.
/ After ftbe wedding Abe newjy mar
tied couple started for Edinburgh,
where Sir Edward Banister’s family
lived. Lord Wilton remained at
Bieutfnrd with Mrs. Faue, but upv-
er bad tbe least suspicion of ber uu
fortunate influence in promoting
tbe marriage of Caroline.
Some months later, rnmor spoke
loudly of a new resolution taken by
Lord Wilton ; be intended to leave
tbe army and stud; law. In fact,
tbe young officer threw aside bis
uniform and adopted the black
robe; remembering tbe labors and
triumphs of bis university du\ s, be
determined to achieve tbe difficult
task in wbicb Lord Erskioe sue
ceeded, hod one day tbe coloue! be
came a barrister Truly it miuht
have been said that be had a pre
sentiment of the opportunity his
new career would give him ot sav
ing tbe woman be loved.
Lord Wilton became one of tbe
most celebrated orators at the Eng
lish bar; brilliant and pathetic at
tbe same time, his fiery eloquence
almost scorched bis bearers as it
passed over them. He was mug
liiflcent bat dangerous, for at rimes
be sacrificed logic to wit, truth to
anger, and conscience to passion.
One day when reading in bis stu
dy, bis servant banded him a let
ter jast arrived from Scotland. Tbe
letter, written by Caroline Banister
was the first be had received from
bis ward in five years. Joyfully,
witb trembling hand, he broke the
seal, bntso< n a tear fell from bis eye
on tbe terrible missive, wbicb con
tained only these words: —
“Gkcirok: —l need yon to save
me from death, and still worse—in
famy ! Come."
-TO-vr ■
fT
“Quick, quick ! My carriage, hot -
sea! Caroline’s life and honor are
in danger r*
At last b« arrived in Edinburgh,
and inquired,—
“Whereis Lady Banister’shousef’
“This is it, my lord.”
“But wby is tbe h< use shut up f
What do mourning liveries mean f
Can I see Lady Bauisterf Where
is she I”
“lu prison, my lord."
“In prison ! And wby T”
“God only knows!”
“But 1 will know! Coachiran,
to tbe prison!”
Arrived at tbe prison, be announ-
ed,—
“I am Lady Banister’s counsel."
“Enter."
“Caroline," be eried, on seeing
her, “you are pale, worn, almost
dy ing."
“Yes, I am very unhappy," said
Caroline, kissing the baud of him
who had come to save ber. • “You
mast know that the crime of wbicb
1 am accused is a terrible one. Tbe
liveliest symiiathy and the bitterest
hatred aie excited on my account.
George, you see before you a wo
man who is accused of poisoning
ber husband
“What! Sir Edward Banister !"
“Yea, be is dead; and now I need
a defender. My trieud, Caroline,
yonr child, is ready to answer every
question, and prove to yon that she
is innocent. Believe me tbe wor
thy daughter of an honorable man
—your reverend tutor, John Derby.
I am innocent. George, save me!"
“I will save you I" said Wilton.
"My father be"rs you. May God
aid you I" cried tbe young woman.
Lord Wilton settled himself in a
hotel to await the end of tbia trial,
wbieb from the widespread interest
It excited, and the great diversity
of opinion with regard to it, threat
ened to equal the other great scan
dal of the age, the trial of Qumo
(biroline.
Time paaeed alowly: the montba
aeemed ages to the misery of Caro
line hod, tbe noble anger of Lord
Wilton. As bad been foreseen, tbe
opeatag scene* el the tnal were dra
d WritoP, "ith tbe enthu-
ng love, endeav
ored to eom bat tbe onward march
of the relentiesa tragedy. Witnes-
depoeed to tbe eccentric char
actor of Caroline. “Slander!* an
swered ber defender^ They testi
fied against tbe private life of his
client. He cried “Injustice!" They
swore before God and mao that
Lady Banister one day offered her
husband a glass of sherry, and
science proved there was poiapq in
the bottom of the glass. Aga n b*
aeswerod,‘Falsehood and calumny!’
He no longer defoeded ber, hot at
tacked all accusers, and roared like
a wounded lion. He belittled all
g e world ; in tbe place of Lady
aufster his wild anget ntfoied at
(he bar judge. Jury, witueuses, in
feet, all who would not adfoit the
innocence of Caroline.
Fatigue and the violent emotions
of the trrugale at lent aided the de-
vwtion of Lord Wilton iu an eaea-
expected manner. Une more ait.
tier, : 'and Curoitee would pro
bably have been convicted hi a pri
soner ; but suddenly at tbe very
moment of beginning an almost im
possible line of defence, Caroline's
advocate fell back on his seat, pant
tag, exhausted, fainting. Physi
cians came to his assistance, but
bis atlte was considered so danger-
one that the trial was remanded
until next sessrod, and this fortu
nate delay WaU not lost by either
bt rrister Or eliant.
Wiltofi Was eon Tinned ot the ae-
ousation, and filled . with lovs for
Caroline, to dear her pawe aud
crush her accusers he would bpve
given his last breitb, the last drop
6t blood. His enthusiasm was so
great that for her sake he invented
tbe strongest climax to ber defence
'ever heard in a court of justioe. He
bravely went to Caroliue and offer
ed to tormiiiate Abo defence with
thaanuouooameot of bis marriage
to tbe widow of Banister, Yes, he
did not fear to beg to entreat her
to take his name in exchange for
that she bore; and the loving ward
consented to hide ber widowhood
nuder the noble name of Wilton.
A minister, two witnesses and a
special license, and tbe deed was
done! Wilton married Carolfhe in
a corner of the prison at Edinburgh.
From that moment her cause was
gained in tbe sight of God; justice
might have convicted simple Caro
line Banister, but how could she
condemn a peeress who bad just re
ceived one of the most noble tides
iu the three kingdoms f
Tbe defender’s task had become
easy ; Wilton’s new defence was ad
mirable; pubic prejudice had al
most disappeared, aud at one elo
quent passage smothered applaUfte
was bfard ; and finally the eloquent
orator added, with a voice shaken
by emotion:—
“There is no longer any Caroline
Banister. 1 see at the bar only La
day Wilton, my wife, and I ask of
you her honor—and my own."
Two or three boars after Caro
line’s acquittal, Wilton sat alone iu
a room iu tbe little bouse which he
had taken for hia wife. He no lon
ger aaw around him the actors io
the legal drama just eoded ; be was
uc longer influeaced by the ardor
of secret hope, carried away by hia
own eloquence or blinded by inspir
ation and eutbnsiasu,. He was cool,
calm aud impassive; the judge had
already rep,seed the advocate. He
began to remember all tbe cirenm-
stances, all the testimony, and
every detail deposed against the in-
uocenoe of Caroline; be coaid not
forget what bad been said against
her character and private life; be
doubted; began to interrogate bis
own conscience. The name of Sir
Edward escaped hia lips, and in im
agination be saw the poison drop
pad into tbe fatal glass.
At the same moment Lady Wil
ton appeared on tbe threshold, a
smile on her Bps, happiness iu her
eyes, beautiful, radiant, rehabilita
ted by men’s jnstice. Without no
ticing ber husband’s pallor : and
emotion, Caroliue threw herself on
her knees beside him, longing to
lavish on him ber thanks, caresses,
promises.
Sudden y she perceived that be
was pale, weak, aud ready to feint
iu her arms. Alarmed at (his weak
ness which she attributed to tbe
tatigue aud emotions of his tri
umph, she ran across the room, and
poormg out a glass qf sherry, lifted
it to bis lips. Tb4 Sight of this sim
ple beverage alarmed Wiltan $ be
started like a man awaking from'a
nightmare in hofror, snatched the
glass trom ber trembling hand, and
emptied it on the floor, drop by
drop, apparently seeking iu it some
frightful thing wbicb be remember
ed «1th horror.
“George," said she, growing pale
Id her turn, “what are yon looking
for in tbe glass f”
“For poison." answered Wiltoo.
Caroline gave a cry of agony, and
with her eyes fixed npou this new
accuser of L idy Banister, she said
kneeling at bis fed :
“George, yon had bettor hava
left me to die by the band of tbe
executioner."
“There is tbe poison,’’ mnrmnred
Wilton, led ing fell tbe fast drop of
sherry.
Then said CaroTTrt*, with thegloo-
my anger of despair:
“Yes, I did poison Sir Edward,
and yon are my accomplice; I lev-
ed you always, and 1 love ye* still.
It was my iove that ruined me. I
was determined to-see you again ; (
waa determined So live for you : aad
I killed tbe husband that bad been
forced upon me. Now answer me!
Wbicb ef usis tbe most guilty F
Lord Wittea did not answer tbe
question; he crushed under bis
heel tbe glass that bad feileu from
bis bund, mattered some an
intelligible words, end trom tba’
moment ended the intellect and &o-
queues of tbe celebrated barrister.
Lord Wiltoo was mad I
Caroline accepted her punish
meat, ii.iy and night she devoted
herself to him. Sometimes, a beo
suffering intensely, she said:
“1 have no right to live except
to suffer; after the pardon of man,
sow let me endure the justioe of
God I"
Time, sufieriug and crime were
powerless to Carol joe’s folly spirit.
Fane to faoe with bar terrible mad
ness, she lost none of ber romantic
exaggeration, none of those poetic
ideals which from tbe s -veotb bea
veo sometimes preeijiitate one iato
a moat anpoetio reality. For want
of a higher ideal to realize, site now
dreamed out a poem of explanation,
as sb* bad foi meriy dreamed one of
ifioe. . > <
The Monument to loe.
A correspondent bt the America*
Register states that a distinguished
American sculptor, whose name is
withheld, recently shipped from
R one a model for* the proposed
equestrian monument to Gen. Rob
ert E. Lee, to be erected in Rich
rnond, Va.. and for which several
unsatisfactory competitions have
already taken plane. 1 The model in
question is in tbe form of an exqnts
itely designed architectural base,
square in shape and diversified with
graceful ooiomns in half relief. Ris
ing from the centre of this is a short
fluted column or altar piece, so to
speak, placed npon a smaller base,
and decorated with a bevy of beau
fui childish figures supporting circu
lar shields representing the eleven
Southern States and occupying
spaces between them. The column
is surmounted by a colossal female
figure, typifying the genius ot tbe
South, witb one baud resting upon
tbe plough, while the other is ex
tended forward as if ready to crown
tbe warrior whose name she de
lights to honor. Projecting trom
the principal base is an extension ol
tbe same height aud style of archi
tecture, bearing Qpou it the eques
trian statue of Lee, which at onoe
arrests tbe attention of the behold
er as a striking and original con
ception. Tbe bfrse aud rider,
though in a manner such as only a
man skilled in horsemanship could
conceive of, seem to divide tbe hon
ors witb each other iu the contrast
of expression created by the sculp
tor. Gen. Lee is shown as sitting
ertot aud I Miking intently towards
a distant point of interest, but yet
calm aud strong and self |M>iaed iu
bis conscious knowledge irf tbe sit
nation. The horse, ou the contra
ry, while represented as obeuieut to
bis master’s will, and awaiting bis
signal for action, is stepping slowl.\
forward, but reaches hia bead aloft
aud towards the point of danger,
indicating by hia dilated nostrils
aud eagerness of eye that be scents
the battle afar off. It is » portrait
of an animal in full sympathy with
bis rider, aud yet teeming with ex
oitemeutaud impatience to partio
pate iu the event about to traus-
pirv. The couceptiou of the whole,
it is claimed, is a superb cue, full of
tbe lofty tygnity of character befit*
ting the original, and baa the bigb
artistic quality of expressing tbe
strong emotion both of the rider
and hia steed without *resort to the
too frequeut necessity of physical
action.
7- 1 1 '• IF ■ ^ • ■
Fable of the Babbit aud the Goat,
A goat once approached a pea
nut stand kept by a rabbit, purchas
ed five cents’ worth of peanato, laid
down a dime, and received a punch-
en nickel iu change. In a few days
the goat came back, called for an
other pint of peanu'a, and offered
tbe same uioket in payment; but iu
the meantime bad stopped the hole
in it with a peg.
“i can’t take that nickel," said
tbe rabbit.'
“This to the very nickel yoa gave
me in change a few days ago," re
plied tbe goat.
“I know it is," continned the rab
bit, “but I made no attempt to de
ceive you about it. When you took
the coin the bole was wide open,
aud you could see it for yourself.
Iu working that mutilated com off
on yon I simply showed my bast-
ness sagacity ; bat now yon bring it
back with the hole stopped up and
try to pass it with a dear intent to
deceive. That is fraud. My dear
fioat, Fm afrait the grand Jury will
get after you if you are not more
careful about little things of th s
sort."
Moral: This Fable teachaa that
tbe moral quality ot a business
transaction often depends upon the
view you take of it.
Walter—“Will you have aome
salt with your eggs F Guest—No,
thanks; they ain’t at all Irssh."
CapU’s festoffice.
Throngs of hurrying people ware
hastening along one of thnae great
thoroughfares which traverse tbe
metropolitan heart Tbe white
glare of tbe electric light cast a
corps like pallor upon tbe varied
countenances ot the scurrying
multitude. A reporter stopped at
a tobacco shop whiob war quite like
tbe majority ot its kind. Tbe toma
hawk ot the figure at the door bore
the legend, “I’ll hit you real bard."
Through the curtained doorway
could be beard tbe twinkle of a
mandolia, A muffled form went
iu. It was a brigandish figure,
capped with n cylindrical bat. The
reporter beard ike salutation and
answer: ,
“Boenas tardea, Beuorita."
“Buena* tardea, Saaor."
Within five minutes the brigaud
reappeared and a brace ot letters
which he had clutched in bis gloved
uaed were there no longer. The
reporter ventured to opeu the door
and found bimaell in the peristyle
ot a Cupid’s croNstowii temple. The
presiding priestess waa dosing apon
a divan Itehiud the cigarette coun
ter. Above ber hung a case with
numerous pigeonholes filled with
perfumed letters of the billet dotuc
kind. It waa a “quiet” postoffice,
aud the aeunrita, was the poet-mis-
tress Men came and went, briog-
ing lelterM,leaving letters, wreathed
lu the SMtue made to-order beatific
smile aud all pronouncing iu tbe
very hame manner “bpenaa tardea,"
wbicb was the password, Hudden-
ly a secret door opened from tbe
hallway ol the fliodiy flat house un
der which the dubious shop was
situated.
“Alma mia," murmured tbe y*png
lady who entered witb a heavy
tngedy acoeutaud a well-develop
ed Delsarteau sigh. “A letter.
Rosie, or I die."
A letter was produced, for Rosie
nevei disappoints ber paying cus
tomers. Tianquilixed, the young
woman drew her veil tightly across
her face. She had noticed the
stranger. Then she asked of tbe
seuorita :
“Hew long since bubble was
here V
“An hour ago," waa tbe distres
sed response.
“Have you any more of those
dear little cigarettes F she articu
lated, and after pocketing a pack
age or two tbe young wemau was
ofi wit^a rush.
TbeTO|Mjrter asked tbe postmis
tress bow business was.
“Madre di dio* !” was the reply.
“Thanks to the ever increasing
progeny of fools, business ia gotd.
and the holiday season aa yet not
at hand. 1 get a dime for every;
letter delivered, aud am so popular
with my patrorsthat—well, tbe per
quisites are not inconsiderable."
Then tbe reporter was permitted
to examine tbe letters. Some were
written in Fifth avenue script and
some from Hoboken or thereabouts.
Some bore the name of a well-known
club and others came from where
tho aboriginal tribe is worshiped
exclusively.—N. T. Herald.
A Haunted House.
About four miles to tbe south
west of Wabash, Indiana stands a
little cluster of houses. The inhab
it aids are intelligent farmers who
have retired from agricultural par-
suits, intent ou ending their days iu
Arcadian simplicity and quiet. Oue
half mile soutb on tbe Somerset
mail ronte is a frame cottage rap
idly falling into decay. The heavy
front door stands ajar on oue binge
sufficiently to reveal a cheerless in
terior with crumbling floor and
walls. The nearest dwelling is a
quarter of a mile distent. That the
banding is the scene of speetrai
gatherings everybody in town is
convinced.
About two weeks ago, whi’e Dr.
Watson was driving past at mid-
night, his horse suddenly stopped
and then began to back. Glancing
toward the old house the doctor
was horrified to observe tbe figure
of a man in the doorway dressed in
black His coat and vest were
thrown open revealing a white shirt.
The figure swayed backward and
forward for several moments. Tbe
doctor aat dased, and then recover
ing bimself applied the whip to bis
horse, which sprang forward.
Jefferson Brown, an old fanner,
while returning home from a neigh-
late in the night, saw a woman in
tbe doorway of the same boose and
heard groins. Tbe figure was dad
in black and tbe dress was open
partly in front, exposing a white
under garment. She appeared to
be suspended in mid-air, wRh bands
nplilted as though in supplication.
Tbe fignre of a boy was also ob
served on another occasion by Mr
Brown aud two other farmers, who
beard the rattling of the rotten floefr.
So frightened were they ail that
they fled wfihout investigating the
matter, and there Is ao disposition
among the villagers to keep vigil.
It is proposed by a party from Wa
bash to watch night after night,
and aclve tbe mjatery If nofotble.
A Washington correspondent
says that batons man on the sblp-
bmldisg committee of the
ever saw a ship.
mm
Pashm Pdivetf;.
The “Bunco” Game.
A “banco steerer" has been tel
ling a World reporter how thieves
t»ke io unwary, strangers iu New
York He saio:
“First of aU, you mast know
that there are no dens in the btiai
ues*. The boys hire a Airmailed
room ou the first flocr of a building
jo any qniet side street, telling the
landlord that they are agent* for
some company or other. Tbe hand
shaker grabs a prosphron* looking
stranger and slugs oat: *0qw are
yon Mr. Gre*uf How are my
friendM in BrbwnviHef The chump
generally replies: ‘Why you’ve
matte a mistake Tui Mr. Brown,
from Greenville. Then the ‘shaker’
apologises, harries off and report*
to the stevrer, who palls a book out
of bis pocket and bants op Green*
ville. The book by the way, is
what is koowo as a banknote re
porter, and givdn a complete lUt Of
all the banks in ihe qdbiitry. From
the list the steerer finds Chat Mr.
Jones Is President of the Greenville
Bank and that Messrs. Smith and
Gray are among its directors. Off
he goes to the chump, shakes hands
with him, calls him by name and
saying be is Mr. Jones’ nephew
asks for the health of the Smiths,
Greys and othef prominent people.
See! The chump is flattered by
tbe attentiousjof the bank presidents
stylish nephew, and it does not
take long to Steer him into the
room where the boss banco man ia
waiting to play bis part. There is
the nsnal story about tbe painting
drawn ae in the lottery prize, then
the cash price and tbe rest of It.
Usually tbe clidhip bites hi a few
minutes; be is anxious to get 1000
for 1100, be pots up hi* wad of bills,
the boys get it, and be walks oat
in a brown study, not knowing ex
actly how he was done np, but qnite
sure he has been swindled.
“Complain to the police T Not
much. The bunco men i« ave their
office a minute or two after he does,
and no one could find them; be
sides, the man is ashamed to tell
how green he was. Even If tbe
boys are arrested you can’t find one
man in a hundred who will go to a
K >lice coart and give himself AWay
r a sucker.
“Then there's a very pretty
scheme of Grand Central Pete’s.
You’d tangfa to see the dozen* of
farmer* he gets to lend him tfiO on
a worthless check so that be can
pay a man the balauoe due for an
imaginary horse. That’s a dandy
scheme, and its perfectly sate.' It
generally takes tbe hay bag about
an hoar to tumble after Ms been
left steading outside s store where
Pete has to go in tor a minute ou
important business."
Joke on a Journalist.
L iat May a year ago tbe junior
editor of the Lakevfow Examiner,
with some littte aasiataooe from
ourselves, placed two dozen Kla
math Lake frogs, a quantity of
uoilage, and a handful of tacka
into a tied occupied by tbe editor
of the Linkville Star. When the
veteran of tbe quill shoved hia legs
between the sheets and the tacks
penetrated hia tender pink skin be
set up in bed and inquired of yours
truly whether oar bed had any in
sect inhabitants. He said he w.is
experiencing sharp pains like wasp
stings. We remarked carelessly
that while soch pains were almost
invariably followed by paralysis,
we bopml be would live until morn
ing. He made another dive under
tbe covers A cold, ^ipiy frag was
disturbed aud began drawing it*
slimy length up tbe joaraaliat’a off
leg. Two more awoke, stretched,
aud yawned, and with exultant
croaks performed a double clog <m
tbe aJanned man’* stomach, which
waa more than be oouht stand. He
gave a yell, and sprung into the
middle of tb^room. "Logs, Looa,"
be cried, -‘pm growing cold—the
paralysis is settin’ iu. Go briuji
two doctors, a preaoher, aud a
loo of wbiaky, for Pm near!
goner~
out of tbe
the small _ J
Aa he bad strock a light the time
honored journalist oompeehopded
the situation at a glance, ana as he
piled tbe bed sheets iu a corner ^e
remarked, good-naturedly “woi
darn yon scamps—1 woulds’fhad
such a fright for a hand red dollars."
We laid it all to Beach, and tried
to ioduoe the editor to shoot him ou
sight.— Yreka Union.
truig
^gm-
* .. _rijra
Just then a frog jumped
«bed aud alruak nisi in
i of the back*. ; ,
Her Sort of a Doctor. ' <
“George, who is yonr fetnflv
physician V
“Dr. Smooth man."
“What, that nambsknlif How
docs it happen yon employ him F
“Oh,It’s someof my wife’* doings.
She went to see him about a cold
in ber head, and be. roodtnmeuded
that she wear another stvto of
bonnet Since then she‘Won’t have
any other doctor."—CMoapo Netrs.
The Hon. Samuel T THden cele
brated his sfiVeifty second year leal
Wednesday at Oenyfoeae, where he
apeot Uwday-qwfotiy. * Mr. TUden
weighs M0 poenAs, and tern
to be la am ottewt beak* for «am«t
hia JldlirJ'* V* »
r,- ■ j-— Ini bhiirn 1
German photographers ere .aaw
making phwtograplita <4 Ughtfttfor
They are said to he striking Hit* •
U—tes
'Johnny, if y ou waat ta beeeres
* big man joe must eat aers sicong
food/ Jehu07**friAll right t peas
tbebouer.” i. TT
A Weetera poet, it Is said, thrifts
»o»e of his wife than he dees of
bis poems. So dees every «iae that
ever read hia poems. •“ ». i
A philosopher who hid married
an ignorant gfri Hard to foAf her
“brown sugar," beanoae, be setd,
«h« was sweet fold unrrflaed.
Girl* I* search of J
craxy qniUs suonld j
railroad oowpaufea.
away tbourend* of old ure every
je*r.
* ' it. r/J rol iarils
A nubeenber aeka: “Whew is
the beat time to jaarejF Eapeqee
reys lb# best time for aaohaepre-
mony Is tbe 31* t of Frbrsary,, <,[,
l‘.’a many years agririwo* lb* poet
wrote that “beaaty draam at with a
singe hate." It geaeeallp takm
forty-five dollar swireh to d* It
aow. laena
a hi »« M<ni
Nevek Oiv* Vpiii i!DOv)
If yoa are suffering with lu
depressed spirits, lessor an
general debility, d
weak constitution,]
disease of a bilious
means procure a bottle <
Bitters. Yob will bo so
see the rapid improve:
will follow; you wt)1 be h
witb new life ; strength add aptM-
ty will return; paiif‘ and Mlrery
will cease, and heflqefortb ybd Wfli
reimee in file praise of Electric
Bitter*. Sold at fifty cents a bottle
by Willcox ACo
■d
Rend Him to the Ltfblatftre,
(F rcra lh* If uu Siflisff,)
Gilhooly went into ad
restaurant', gave hia order fire some
fried calf’s brains, waited a long
time for the waiter to hriag what
be ordered, bet ia vain. At laat
he asked i
“Well, what about d
shook hia head tik
is pretty gloomy,
with ky
The whiter
ally aad said:
“The outlook
judge." ,
“What ia the nutter
nrstBS V ’ . inoi < *oo*» *
“There ain’t any,thathi ail."
The afcori got oat, and now three
k aome talk of running tore fee trie
tefisktore. rv. »• +rff
A Greet Discovery, -: - «-i
Mr. Wm Thomas, of Nawtoa. Im,
My*: “My wife has beea serious
ly affected with a cough for tWWMty-
five years, and this spnag owe
severely than ever before. Bbe hid
used many remedies without relief,
and being urged to try Dr King's
New Discovery, did ao, With most
gratifying reaolts. Tbe fln« bottle
relieved her very much, aad the
second bottle has abaefotoly eared
her. She has not had ao good
health for thirty year*." Trial
Bottle Free at Wilteex A Otfe,
Drag Sum. Large sine ILM.
Engenla, duscaasi ng a yoaug
man : “Yea. mamma, I am sari Mr.
DeGarmoha* no seal."
Mamma: “Why, my ebild, you
aroma: “Why,
astonish m& ‘ I
Mr. peGanno was fell
and kindness." .. -
Eugenia: ‘He’s not,
for when Tow*e plsyfoUy hi
to night he actaally kicked the poor
dog way across the room." ‘
Buckfea'* Araka Skive, ^ Z
The beat Salve ia the werM for
Oats, Bruises, Uleers, Salk 1
Fever Borne. Tetter,
Hand*, OhilbUiaa, Oonuf aad r 'al!
8kin Erupt iona, aad porillVtly
eansa Pile*, ar ne pay required. It
te guaranteed to give
feotisu, or money
25 cents per bom
4Do. ; . I . *7/“ : r i i
tl»< ji i' j.mi NWi 1 !] a »
Some formers who have test tbojr
ore crop are iaqairiug re the Agsi-
osKarel Department ferrerl
ties of Ashl oora which they
to plant to mate , op for
cieooy io the eat crap.
miaaioMr request* say
the Sisto who have raclyt wnriarif*
of corn to aril to amd difca ghrir
names, the variety of mrn.qeareity
they hava for sate aad-thu prtem a
— —rn'em m utiH*
The moat reliable qgeut for d<
atroyiug and expelling worms
,, * fM'd
Iqdjan Yi