Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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purple ula.cs. niTOMk KM IM d*j tk? dnr M. mum Mr oo t tall mm : ap tW dnaa to dry A look, * kka. a word, ?wmjr >dao(?tntlNr|ovR. i ?Lippincott'a, EVERT INCH A MAN H L OW the ever ctime to join the society Was as great a mystery to herself as to her friends. Of course, a lov ers' quarrel was at the bot tom of it all. But even then, for a young and attractive girl of twenty-three to join the Spinsters' Society, and adopt the tows of eternal celibacy like the rest of Its members, whose ages gave them some excuse tor so doing, was an admittedly extraor dinary proceeding. When Sibyl Cathcart found herself fully installed into the sisterhood of the Spinsters' Society, she began to rum inate as to whether, after all, she had acted wisely. True, he had been aeen leaving the theatre with another worn, an, and what made matters worse was the fact that the other woman was young and pretty. Rumor had it, too. that he had been seen to publicly kiss the other woman at the railway ata tion. So Sibyl, with the usual Im petuosity of her sex, sat down Immedi ately and penned a sbort and formal note giving him the conge. He de manded an explanation, first In person and then by letter. She refused to see him when he called, and upon re ceiving his letter, tore It up aud then cried over the fragments. But once she had set her hand to the plow she did not Intend to go back. All tho other members, to the number of seventeen, were at least a quarter of a century older than hersrtf, despite their allegations to the contrary, and their business aptitudes were not bril liant. The pretentious building In which many of the members dwelt, and which was recognized as..the so ciety's headquarters, required judicious management. In view of the small amount of money forthcoming for the purpose. One day Sibyl found herself In the presence of her chieftaluess. "My dear," began Miss Tabbs. as she surveyed the girl from over her specta cles, "do you think you could become one of us altogether? I mean, could you come and live on the premises, for Instance?" "I?I think so." Sibyl replied doubt fully, well aware that her friends would think her more eccentric than ever. "Now that Is nice of you! Well, the fact of the matter is that Miss Frank- j lln has come to the conclusion that the position of secretary to the society en-' tails more work than she can under take, and If you will, we want you to take her place. You are young and en-1 ergetlc, and with nil due deference to Miss Franklin. I might say that you would be able to manage the society's Jmall Income more bcnetlclnlly to our-1 selves. You must know, my dear, that the greed for money of theopposite sex la horrible, nnd unfortunate creatures like ourselves are therefore robbed of what justly belongs to us. You will, of course, have your board nnd lodg ings for nothing and ?. grant of ?H per innum. Will you accept the post?" "Certainly. With pleasure." "That Is good of you. But iniud, you must do your utmost to thwart the machinations of theoptoslte sex. Never patronize n tradesman, or any business conducted by a niAn. nnd If yon ever find that elth?r of the servants has n follower, sack fior, my denr, sack her Immediately!" At this point n gray-haired lady, any thing but prepossessing In appearance, entered the room, and was greeted by Miss Taldyj. "Ah! here you are. Miss Frankl'n. Miss Cathcart has promised to act ns secretary from this day forward, nnd I have just been giving her a few wrin kles." "Thank you so much, dearie," re sponded the ex-secretary kindly. "But do you know what 1ms happened? The landlord has come himself for the rent. What are we to do? We have no money, and the rent Is months over due." "How fearful to l>e In the hands of ?ucli a money-grabbing brute!" Inter posed Miss Tabbs. "M#n were always brutes!" volun teered Miss Franklin. Sibyl thought the same nnd remained ?llent. "But where is lie now?" asked Miss Tabbs. "Oh, he's on the doorstep. I sp-ike to him through the letter box. 1 could not have the house polluted with his presence inside. It's bad enough for the neighbors, knowing our principles as they do, to see him here at all. lie says lie must have tho rent at once, or a bailiff will be put In. Think of it! A male bailiff here?here!" Miss franklin was perilously near fainting, and her tears were running fast. "Shall I gn and try and reason with hluiY" nsked Sibyl, by way of putting an end to n painful scene. "Oh, If you would be so kind; but be ?ure nnd treat him like an animal, or fct least as an Inferior, because he's a man, you know." Sibyl ran down stairs and thrt*w open the door. She had Intended asking his business in a civil but firm manner. Instead sho drew back with a start. "Sibyl!" "Jack?Mr. Alllngham!" "I heard of your escapade, and that la why I came In person, though I did not expect the pleasure of meeting yon." He held out bis hand, and she turned away contemptuously. "You are spying upon me," she cried, her anger rising, "How dare tw come Uf ? UU*2" "You forget the Louse is my own." "Oh?or?so it U. Yon?want the rent? f am afraid wo cannot pay yon Just yet. If you will five us time, a few days, or " "In a few days, nay. in a few houra the bailiffa will be in .unless the rent is paid at once," he replied, firmly. ?"But, Ja?yr. AH Ingham, you would not be so cruel?" "Cruel T Were yop never cruel? What was my fault, and liow much mercy did you show me? Now it is my turn, and no mercy will I glv??. Can your companions or whatever they call themselves pay me now?" "No, they cannot." "Very well. Gooil morning." He turned away and she slammed the door. "What did he say?" asked Miss Tabbs, anxiously, when she entered the room. "He Is every incli a man!" replied Sibyl, significantly. II. Before two more days had passed the Spinsters' Society were acquututed with the worst. The members were not afraid of the op;K>site sex, antago nistic though they uilght be. but they had to acknowledge a terror of the law. When one morning the house maid answered a knock at the door, the landlord promptly pushed himself into the bull. He was uccotupnuied bj* a mau, who in Id* in one hand a brown paper pare.-I and an official document in the other. "Good morning. .Miss Cathcart." he said, as she came out to meet him. "\ou expected me. of course:" "I don't understand you." "Really? There is nothing much to understand. I am. in fact, my own bailiff, and only immediate payment of the rent will prevent my being quar tered upon you. Tills gentleman here will prove the truth, of my assertions, as he represents the law. Just run over this paper, please." "You brute!" she ejaculated. Sorry to inconvenience you?verv. A debt's a debt, you know. But I don t think you 11 find me a very trou blesome tenant, t shall come nt 9 in the morning and leave at 0 In the even ing, until the money U paid. That parcel, Jenkins, phase." he added to the man. and discharged him. I he girl hid her face in her hands and burst into tears. "I always knew y?-u were a coward!" she sobbed. "And now you've proved I hope not. If I cotne as my own bailiff you should congratulate your self upon having escaped so lightly, for a commoner man might have made his presence hitoler:: ble. And besides I have brought my own food, which no ordinary bailiff would have done." lhe bursting of this bomb in the headquarters of the Spinsters' Society did not tend to draw the members to ward the male sex. and immediate steps were taken to realize the money, a matter of soni" I'.ifflcuJty. "It's nothing short of a scandal," piped Miss Tabbs. between fits of hys terical weeping, when the news was conveyed to her. "It will be the talk of the neighborhood. If it had been a commoner man it would have been different, but him! And to have to cook his mutton chops?ugh!" And he stands In the doorwav for ten minutes wiping his boots so* that the neighbors shall see him enter!" gasped .Miss Franklin, to the groans of the other members. But the calamity fell more severelv upon the head of Mi-yl. thoftgh no one dared to Imagine that she had once nearly become the wife of the ob noxious Individual. Her one thought now. as she sat in the little study set apart for her own use. was how to get rid of him. Giving open buttle only ended in signal defeat, therefore, win not try strategy? He had always been swayed by her influence, so, perhaps, might be still amenable to persuasion. And she could continue to hate him all the same. The experiment, at any rate, was worth trying. She rose to put her plans Into exe cution..when the two doiuesllcs entered without knocking. They were dressed In their outdoor tilings and appeared Anything but pleasantly disposed to ward her. "Were goin\ miss." said the cook, shortly. "Going? Where?" " Ome: anywheres out of this 'ere "ouse. We b'aln't agoln' to run all over the place for a man like that, an" know In' there's no wage* for us. You be nil as poor as . hurch mice, an' the runniest set o. fp!n.il?s us we've a-se;*n barring yourself, miss. Our chaps is waltln* for us ouMde, so wlv our best respects to you. miss, we'll git out." Are n.j chops r ?ady?" came a voice from the dining room. "'Ark at 'Im." said the cook. Then putting her head outside the door she shouted: "Yes, your chops be ready an waltln', an' gettin' cold, an' may go bad afore we brings "eui to you. you great lanky bounder!" "Silence!" commanded Sibyl. "You may go at once, and you.* wages will bo sent to you. We do not keep money In the house." "Ho that bloke seems to think. Well* good-day to you. miss. An' njnd you don't fall In love with that bewltchln* young man." With this parting shaft the servants withdrew, and Sibyl, having seen them off the premises, entered the dlulng room. "Good morning, Jack," she said pleasantly.. "Jack. eh? Why. jMttfdai tt wM nothing bot Mr. Alllnghaa^ with ?C emphaala mi the 'Mr.* Wuttoaik a favor. I aappoee." "Wow, Jack, why will jm ho ao hoc rldr MIt mast be a legacy I got from yon. The atne term might he very well ap plied to your treatment of me, mightn't itr "Oh. I don't know. Ton see I had a reaaon." 44A reatoo? What reason?" "Don't stand there and pretend yon don't know." she retorted. "You never went to the theatre with another woman, 1 suppose, and you naret klfsed her at the railroad atatlon. did you? And a pretty woman, too?a pretty woman, 1 repeat, and I am not pretty." . "But. pardon me. yon are very pretty, especially when you're angry. Yea. I hare been to the theatre with another woman, and kissed her at the railway station?my sister-in-law!" "What do you mean?" "George's wife. You're heard me speek of my brother George, who's tn Australia. He was home some months ajpo with his young bride. We all three went to the theatre, and?oh! I see It, now. You?ha! ha!?thoughi It wns some one else!" He dropped luto a ehalr In a fit of laughing. "You thought I was flirting with another woman?' he said, at length. "Of course. Any one would hare thought so." she replied, crestfallen at | the absurdity of her blunder. "But, you silly thing, why didn't yoo And out before you becnnie so unr.'as onable? And are you still cross with me?" "No?not very." "Then atone for It all by leaving these stupid companions of yours, and prove that you do not agree with their views by marrying iuf-ute. the bail iff!" He bent down and k!s.-;?d lier as she did not reply. "Miss Cathcart!" came a shrill voire "Here comes the old hens," he said "No. you shan't get away, so don't struggle." Miss Tabbs peered through the open door and dropped Into one of the hall chairs preparatory to fainting. II?t shriek of "Murder!" brought all the other occupants to thi? spot hi an la stant, prepared for the worst. ? ? "Now. then, my g?>od ladles." said Allingham. coining forward. "Dou't get hysterical. I have a riuht to claim anything In the house for the debt owing, so have decided io claim Sibyl and write 'paid* across the account. She's going to be my wife." "Wife! The vixen, the sly little rat. the " "Yes. we quarrelled some time ago. but now she's forgiven me and I've for given her. though I don't know why I should." he added, jocosely. "Bccause." she answered, with eyes full of Joyful tears, "because, you old dear, you're every Inch a man."?The I'enny Pictorial Magazine. Fall*. "It Is true that somnambulists and drunkards, when they fall, are not so apt to hurt themselves as you or I," an actor said. "There Is a reason for this, too. "The reason lies In a certain perfect limpness or relaxation of the muscles, that accompanies the fail of somnam bulists and drunkards. They fall un consciously, without fear. They make no convulsive effort and strain to save themselves. "To fall In this limp, relaxed way is to fall without injury. Lluipuess, re laxation. is the secret of successful stage failing.- I can stand erect and crash down on my back like a log of wood or a ton of coal, and I suffer no hurt because I let myself go?because every part of me is relaxed, limp, loose. The frantic effort to save our selves 1h what makes our fall disas trous. The absence of this effort, con scious In the actor and unconscious in the drunkard and somnambulist, is what makes their falts harmless."' Faked Snail*. The snail Is as sacred to a Parisian as a lobster is to a chorus girl, no there has been a pretty liow-dy-do in Paris over the discovery by the health offi cers that a large part of the snails sold there are fakes. A workman in one of the factories sued his employer for damages, and that is how the discov ery was made. The makers of s:;alls buy up discarded shells, clean them, and then till them with cat's m-at. which has been cut Into corkscrew shape by a machine Invented for the purpose. When the shell is Ailed with the meat some fat Is poured In and the trick is done. The defense was that these sham shells are preferred by some epicures as having a flifer flavor than the escargots which feed on the vine leaves In Burgundy.?New York (J lobe. Card In Time. Slip had Just [nml<? a purchase In the crowded, biifjr department store. "Name and address, please." Haiti the clerk, preparing for the usual ortno grtiphlcal struggle. Hut there wasn't any struggle. She opened licr shopping bag. and from one of the Inner pockets thereof produced a small card, about visiting card size, having the desired name and address upon It in typewriting. With this in her hand, the finishing touche* were put to the transaction in about one-third tin* usual time. There was no straining of ears, no vexati ?n. The hint Is a gootl one for all?espe cially for those having names of for eign origin that require treat men let ter by letter or syllable by syllable. The L?t?it Problem, Tom. Pick, Harry, Eliza, Mary and June went to market to buy pig*. Each gave as many shillings per pig as he or hIic bought. Tom bought eleven more than Mary. The persons in this sensational narrative were three mar ried couples, and In each case the hus. band spent three guineas more than til? wife. Which was Toin's wlf# which Harry's, and which Dick's? Whale Boiling Plant. A plant for boiling whales, which cost $1,000,000, is In operation in New foundland. Every ounce of the whalo is used in the manufacture of stearlne, bone meat or bono* and other articles o( commerce. WAITS DM EXPLOSIVE SHIKOSE DID TEBMBIE DAMAGE IN THE CHEMULPkO n#T. HBR1 hu been nrach de bate oa tbe qoMtkw as to whether the projectile* which caused so many casualttea amoof the crew of tne Russian crulaer Varlag off Cbemnlpbo, at tbt outbreak of tbe war were shrapnel * high explosive ?hells. The Ruaalana art divided in opinion. The French and Italian offl cera aboard the crnlaera Pascal and Elba are of the opinion that little if any shrapnel was need. The British officers who were aboard the Talbot think that most of the havoc wat due to shrapnel. I>r. Wada, chief surgeon of the Ja panese Navy, has given a correspond ent the following details In ivgard to shimose, the secret explosive used by the Japanese. I>r. Wada had twenty four of the worst eases after thej had been aboard the Pascal for four days i and where most of the fragments had already been extracted. He extracted some more fragments, all of which he said were "undoubtedly parts of high explosive shells.'? The doctor showed a parcel contain ing fragments extracted from one man. The largest piece was two Inches long and half an Inch wide at the (greatest point. It was shaped like an arrow. The next two pieces were about th?> slxe of hazel nuts. Th? other frag ments. numbering 120. ranged In size from s pin head to a full grown pea. An examination of the largest piece showed that the outer walls of the shell were not more than three-eighths of an inch and that it was flred from nothing smaller than a six-Inch gun. The Inference Is that nothing but the best of steel can be used to stand the pressure on the bore of the gun. Noth- i Ing but a high explosive could smash a strong steel shell Into such minute fragments. i Dr. Wada in operating on twelve I sailors did not find a larger fragment than the one described. There were no Indications of shrapnel. He de scribed how on decks niado slippery with blood he saw small bits of flesh and bone scattered everywhere. He stumbled over an arm here and a leg there. He saw men with their abdo mens carried away and the flesh torn off their bodies. Nothing but a high explosive shell, he said, could have caused such effects. The wounds cansed by such a shell were no worse than those resulting from old-fashioned shells or shrapnel. If a man was lucky enough not to be killed he had a very good chance of getting off unhurt or with very slight wounds, but they were meant to kill. Tbe doctor continued: "Two sailors stood on the bridge with Capt. Rudlneff, Count Nlrod and a petty ofllcer. One of the new shells struck the petty ofllcer. The new shells are provided with fuses and take effect not only on contact with water, but with parts of .the rigging, living men. even clothing?In fact! wherever the resistance Is sufficient to alter the speed ever so little. The shell referred to exploded and blew the petty officer to atoms. There was ab solutely nothing found of him after ward. Count Nirod. who was stand ing next to him, was also blown to pieces, only one arm being found after ward. The two sailors stood a little way off. The explosion tore all the flesh from the lower parts of their logs, which had to be amputated af terward. Capt. Kudlneff was still a little further off and escaped with slight wounds In the head. In old shells the fragments are meant to kin or wound. The explosive Is there merely to burst the shell and glre additional Impetus to the frag ments. in the new shell the explosive Itself is meant to kill. The function of the shells Is simpiy to convey the explosive to the desired spot." i. D,r' Wndfl "n,,! not know the limits In which the new shell kills or wounds seriously. But the Instance described above proves that It Is not very large. Referring .o the numerous rases of suppuration of wounds caused by pieces of clothing entering with the fragments of a shell. Dr. Wada suggested that the Government should make a new rule In the navy that whenever a flght Is expected everv man shall have his body *ell washed and his clothing disinfected. He con tinued: Ilapplly it is the rule of our men in the army and navy always to go Into battle In the newest and cleanest uniform. This is not for sanitary con siderations, but It works the right way all the same."?New York Sun. A McKlnlfj Story* Congressman I)Ick. of Arkon. tells this about President McKlnley: "McKlnley was always good to the I poor. When he lived in Canton he had. each winter, a great stock of blank ets. shoes, pot/itoes, Bibles and so forth that he would distribute where they were needed most. "One day he gave a Bible to a news boy. He would not have ventured I upon such a gift as this had not the newsboy asked for the book. I am glad,' Mr. McKlnley sold to I the lad, 'that you want a Bible. Are | you happy now that you have got j one?' " 'Yes. sir.' snld the boy. 'I know a I place where I can trade It off for a j ilddle.' "?Boston Advertiser. Potatoes. The discoverer of a new potato In Knglnnd Is selling the seed at $500 a j pound, or $30,000 a bushel. That al most ranks with the Lawson Pink. | It beats s ginseng garden, which Is i worth $."i0.000 an acre each year. But fbe Irish potato will surely have to | ?>. as It Is becoming too diseased for human consumption. We shall have to turn to Uruguay. The French sclen. tlsts, you know, have found on tha banks of the River Mercedes what they style the "Bolanum connnersonll," a potato that Is immune from all 4I? ease*. Its yield Is enormous, and Ita quality la superior to the finest Irish RoUtPlft Let com# lot , LABORER TO IMLUONAIftC IN A OAY fttiw, w?u mm giininnuiii! ?* As i profession mlita( offers mors chances for sadden wealth thu any other, and this Is exemplified In the case of a Mexican miner, Pedro Al vardo, who owns s mine at Parral, In the 8tate of OhUchnahna. He la about fifty yeara old. and comes from the peon, or loweat laboring class, the ability of whose members to write their own name* Is remarkable. Pot yean this man was a mine laborer, working for fifty cents (Mexican silver) s dsy; Illiterate, unthinking and In com mon with the rest of his kind, he had no ambition beyond the making of enough money to keep body and soul together. He wss known to be bsrd working, bnt he had no more thrift or foresight than the other peons, and In conse quence his taking ap of a small piecw of property three years ago with the Intention of sinking a shaft was a standing joke In the neighborhood. He borrowed enough money to work his property In a smsll wsy. but being what he was, his credit did not hold for rery long, snd It was on the last day before the mortgage would have been foreclosed that he made a strike that gave him a position that is unique. The vein o< gold and silver ore that be found turned him in a day from a peon to a millionaire many time* over, and the results have been spectacular and interesting. The wealth of his mine, with its present development. Is fabulous, the ave'-age ore taken out assaying In the neighborhood of $12. 000 a ton, although one shipment of three carloads was made some time ago that brought him a profit of ?000. OOO a car, this ore being so rich that the native silver could be cut from It with a pocket knife. After the discovery there was natu rally a change In Alvardo's methods of living, and he started the building of an enormous and gorgeuos house, which, true to his blood, he placed in the centre of the poorest part of the town, where it Is surrounded by the mud and thatched huts of his old friends. Until it is finished he will continue to live in mud shack, where j he has no less than five pianos, a!- j though of course neither he nor his wife has the slightest Idea of what to do with them. Alvardo <8 not Inclined to keep his good fortune to Limself. and has a pen sion list among those he worked beside In bis laboring days that amounts to more than $20,000 a month, wittle dur ing fbe Christmas to.-,"".* Ti is tfls cus torn to load a wagon with sliver dollars, which he personally distributes through the poorer parts of the town. He Is intensely patriotic, and a year ago made a proposition to the Mexlcon Gov ernment to pay the national debt, and undoubtedly would have tried to do so had not Finance Mlnistei Limantour felt that it was for the best Interests of the country to decline tho ofTer. Alvardo is very proud of his position, and so jealous of his interests that he has surrounded his property with a high wall, within which he will permit none but his own people tc enter.?Leslie's Weekly. Willitle riihhkwk flnartled Her Mate. Complaints arc made of the shooting ntul attempted shooting of llshhuvvk* in the town of Bristol, and people near whose homes the liawks nest are very much Incensed because of the killing of one tishhawk recently, on the land of Dr. H. M. llowe at Ferry Hill, and the wounding of another of the birds on the shore, near the resi dence of Edward Anthony. Mr. Anthony noticed the wounded bird near his hotne the last of th? week with a wound in its throat and the breast feather* covered with blood. It was alone for a couple of days. Its mate not having arrived. As soon as the female bird iv.me from the South, it caught fish and fed the wounded bird until the wound im proved. The bird shot at and wounded, which Is nearly over Its hurt. Mr. Anthony claims is the same hawk wounded in the wing by a ride ball thirty years ago. He reeognl7.es the stiffness in* th'? wing that was wounded, year after year.?Providence Journal. An Indian Boy on th? Hoihf, The following forcible piece of writ ing is said to he by a young Indian pu pit not yet so familiar with the English language as he Is with the "noble quadruped," he has chosen for the sub ject of his essay: "The horse Is a very noble quadruped, but when Is angry he will not do so. He is ridden on tlio splual cord by the bridle, and sadly thr? driver places his foots on the stir rups and divides his lower limbs across the saddle and drives his animal to the meadow. He has four legs; two are on the front side and two are afterward. These are th ? weapons on which he runs. He also defeuds him self by extending these In the rear In a parallel direction towards his foe, but this lie does only when he Is in an aggravating mood. There Is no animal like the horse. No sooner th^y see their guardian or master than they always cry for food, but It Is always at the morning time. They have got tails, but not so long as the cow and other such like animals."?New York Tribune. Kothlng Lo?t. "They take tremendous precautions at the mint so that no specie shall be lost," said an Englishman, with a rem. Inlsceuce of an article he had been reading on the subject "Every scrap of refuse is burned In order that not the slightesa vestige of metal shall be wasted. The working clothes of th? men are burned, too. when they are worn out, and they even burn the carts which are used In carrying the bullion to the mint. ?Well," said the American In the cor ner, contemplating his cigar. "I guess we go one better than that In our Im mortal country. We burn the refuse and the clothes and the carts. Yes, sir. we do all that, and what Is more, when a man dies who has worked tHer# we have him cremated." Then they talked about the weather.?London Fun. Koms Hoiiim. The average Korean Uvea In a thatched cottage having three rooms In a row. The kitchen fire Is at one end and Its chimney at the other; the flue passing under the rooms warm* Ueto. '< JIMMY ATHLETIC Th* General Manager of a bis Ann Street establishment late Saturday af ternoon looked around the destfrtM office, carefully Inspected the inside of hla hat before putting It on. railed rot the porter to make doors and shutter* secure, and, accompanied by a belated customer, started for Park Row. "Well, he's resigned. * he remarked with a sigh of relief. "Who?" inquired the customer, hav ing in mind the Junior partner. "The third assistant office boy.*' re plied the General Manager, a note of Joy in his voice. "He's gone at last, and I don't think he'll come back." "If you didn't want blm why didn't you fire him?" queried the customer. "I did?three times?but he wouldn't stay fired. It was the limit. We got him six weeks ateo. and the o&rc has been in a turmoil ever since. He bar a name, of course, but no one except the paymaster knows It. He looks like a prisefighter In mlnlsture, and the first hour he was with us one of the clerks called him 'Jimmy Athletic. That flattered the young wretch, and the man that nicknamed hlin was the only one that ever was able to Induce him to work except on the day aftei one of the firings. Then he'd bully all the other boys and keep them out of the way. and when I called for a youngster In a hurry he'd present him self. "I knew, of course, that I'd fired him but I'm kept too busy to wait, so 1 would use him, and there he'd be?re established. "Jimmy was never known to smile. But he had a laugh, the loudest, most penetrating, and mirthless that mortal ever listened to. When I reminded him one day that I had discharged him thx day before he laughed, and I begged him to desist. "His first break was two days after he was hired. A messenger boy brought an Important telegram, and Jimmy didu't like bis face. He bent j that boy to a whisper, and the kid went home to have his injuries re paired. "It wasn't until the next dny that wc heard of the telegram, and then aH the good it did us was to give us the idea of how much money we had lost by its nan-receipt. Jimmy was tired then for the first time. "A week later I was at my desk, when a long steel rod from a bill tltc dropped beside my hnnd and stuck' quivering in my desk. Up above thert was a hole in the ceiling, and at tha' I saw Jnmm.v's grinning face. He was doing the William Tell act on me. He was tired again for that. "Jimmy had an ambition to run an elevator. Not regularly?just once? but the colored man that tends to ourt would not let him touch the wheel. Sc Jimmy went to him and told him that the boss was giving orders that he be dismissed. The man told Jimmy to watch the elevator while he ran to square matters, and Jimmy had hi* chance. "Just nt this moment a*, olil woman stopped aboard, and Jimmy had a pas sender to experiment on. lie nearly ran her through the roof. "No, he wasn't fired for that. The passenger was the boss* mother-in law from Sunbury. nnd the shock r-> affected her that she decided at once to go l ome. If she'd been hurt so tin? she couldn't have traveled Jimmy would have lost his job then for good. "Te next time he got tired was for putting up a target on the boiler in the cellar and shooting at it with a re volver. "To-day he came to me nnd said he was going to resign. I asked him if Jio wanted a bonus, but he said he didn't, lie's only about as big as a pint of peanuts, but he sat all afternoon smok ing big cigars and making the othet boys envious. He told one of the clerks that If I didn't give him a rec ommendation he'd knock two of my teeth In." "Well." said the customer, consol ingly. "he's gone." Then, wishing to change the subject, he remarked: "I wan lucky to catch you this after, noon. You must have been detained." "Yes," said the Cieneral Manager. "1 waited to write a recommendation for Jimmy Athletic."?New York Times. Fotftto of Much Notorlrty. No potato has ever gained so much notoriety as Eldorado, raised by tin* famous Scottish raiser. Mr. A. Kind lay, of Marklneh. The very name of the variety was a stroke of genius, for It Is hardly possible thut the raiser, or those who had the good fortune to se cure some of the tlrst tubers dlstrib uted, could have lmnglned that In so short a time It would change hands at such enormously high prices. Mr. George Massey. of Spalding, was one of the very first to obtain stock, and from hlui Mr. Zachariali Gray, a well-known grower at Kverton. Sandy, purchased a stone weight for $UH> This set the ball rolling, and as Mr Flndtuy resolved not to further dls tribute Kldorado until the autumn of UKM. the demand for the small stock* available was doubled ami trebled, nm' so the prices rose. Messrs. Dennis, the Covent Garden salesmen, and Messrs I. I'oad & Sons, of New York, pos sessed some supplies, and the lattei firm found a purchaser of four poundd nt ?150 per pound. This determined thein to obtain further stock, and s<? at the Smith Hold Club show a member of his firm found that Mr. Masses had a limited stock for disposal am' made him an offer of ?1000 for t stone. Mr. Massey refused, as h< wanted ?1500, but eventually th< bargain was struck at ?1400, W the satisfaction of both parties Subsequently, Mr. Massey sold a rela tively smull quantity for ?2000, so thai his original transaction brought tilrr a very handsome return.?Gardener'# Magazine. Colorado'* Output. Colorado ranks eighth In the United States as to agriculture, sixth as to live stock, fifth as to coal and Iron, first In the percentage of sugar Ip sugar boets, first In the area of Irrl gated lands, and first as to quality of wheat, potatoes nnd melons. No State approaches Colorado In the amounts ol gold and silver produced. Sign of the Door Kef. When a door key Is hung up outftldd; A house In Sweden It Is a sign that the familj Is not at Uoom, - Humor of Tbd&v An tntiwptie baby lived on antiseptic milk; His clothes were antiwptic, made of anti septic silk. In antiseptic carriages be jrode, with tine to spare. He bad an antiseptic nurse, breathed anti septic air; And though upon thia mundane aphere he did not long abide, . Thej placed him in an antiaeptic coffin when he died. ?Smart Set. Ita Dra?b?ck. "Education Is a great thing.** "Yes. It turns out some mighty intel ligent criminals."?Life. Iiysaslw Baasgwssst. ratlence?'How do you know her love for him was strong?" Patrice?"Because It broke him." ? Yonkers Statesman. Ambiguous. Jack Xervey?"I'm going to kiss you when 1 leave this house to-night." May Kuteiy?"Leave the house this Instant, sir!"?Philadelphia Press. Mother aCnrth. wonder why people always speak of Earth as she?" "It's natural enough. Nobody knows exactly what her age Is."?Philadel phia Ledger. After. Ahe?"Ah, you men! Before mar* riage you pay compliments, but af ter " He?"After? Why. after?we do bet ter; we pay bills."?Life. A Distinction. ''Can a man pateut a scientific dis covery?" asked the commercial person "It isn't usually done," answered the scientist. "But some of them ought to be copyrighted as literary productions." ?Washington Star. Far From Inexpensive. "Many a man would give a great deal for your opportunities," said the earnestly ambitious man. "Of course." answered Senator Sor ghum. "I had to give a great deal for 'em uiyseif."?Washington Star. Advanced. -You say that Lord Fucash's social position has improved siuce he married a rich American girl?" "Yes, indeed. Formerly he was only a nobleman; but now he belongs to our helresstocracy."?Washington Star. None Such. Tm looking for a painless dentist Can you recommend one?" "I never knew any that didn't hurt at least once." "WJien is that?" "When his bill comes in."?Detroit Free Press. Careless Artist. "Do you tliink you can draw that ball the length of the table?" "I'll have to, I suppose. But I don't see why the artist dhln't draw it back there to begin with."?Chicago Tri bune. Wisely ChoMti. .?Ir. Short?"Can I believe It?you will really marry me?" Miss Tall?"Yes. I always make ray own dresses, and, as we are both the same height, you will come real handy when I am cutting and litting."?New York Weekly. Not Compulsory. ''Tell me. Colonel," asked the begin* n< - in politics, addressing the gray haired statesman, "can a politician bo honest?" "I suppose so, my boy," replied the veteran, "but?ah!?it Isn't necessary." ?Collier's Weekly. Making Allowance*. "People do not take in proper nc count," said the broad-minded man, "the nervous strain under which we live. It is necessary to mnke allow unces for some of our public officials." "That's the Idea," rejoined Senator Sorghum. "And liberal allowances, *00."?Washington Star. l'hyalral, Not Foiltleal. Doctor?"You have a perfectly sou.id constitution, sir, but you are over worked a little and rjun down, and that is why your physical energies have be gun to tlag." Patient?"Then In my case the con stitution does not follow the ting? Thauk you, doctor."?Youkers Herald. No Contretemp*. '?now did your nephew's wedding pass ofT?" "Just splendid." "Were there any contretemps?" "I don't think so. I didn't s?'e any, You see we had the church thoroughly cleaned up Just before the wedding took place."?Cleveland Plain Dealer In th? Illllvlllo Hark wood*. "How far Is It to the next town, tn? friend?" "'Bout fifty acres?or better." ,\ "I mean?how many miles." "Well, hit mout be two, or hit raout be six." "You're a big fool!" "I know It; but?you or tor seen my, daddy!"?Atlanta Constitution. HI* Prefer*?nc?. The father was giving the son soma advice. "Now that you are starting out In life," said the parent, "you will tlud It) pays to cultivate the acquaintance oC well-to-do people." But the son shook his head. "No, pop," he responded, "I will fnd It pay* me better to cultivate the ac quaintance of easy-to-do people. I am going to locate la Wall Street."?Chi cago New?, -? k