Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

FTJB&TSHHD BYEBY THURSDAY, BY XL SiisHB. Edztoss and PBOPsnrross. SUBSCRIPTION SATES. '^ieyear.% Six months.?.,. ADVEttTISnVG KATES. First insertion, per square..%L \* Subsequent ins??*"?!., 5C Notices of meetings, obituaries and trib utes of respect, same rates per square as or dinary advertisements. Special contracts made with large adver tisers, with liberal deductions on above rates. Special notices in local column, fifteen cents per Una. FOR TjOVETS SAKK. SomaMraee I am tempted t? inurmur That life fa flitting away, .With only a round of trif es FfjHng each busy day; Dusting nooks and corners, Mating the house look fair, And patiently taking: upon me The burden ?f a woman's e&re. Comforting childish sorrows, And charming the chfldish heart With the pimple song and story, 5Wd with a mother's art; Setting the dear home table, And clearinsr the meal away, And going on little errands In th* twilight of the day. One day is just like mother 1 - . Sawing and piecing wall little jackets and trowsers So neatly that none can tell Where are the seams and joinings? Ah! tho seamy side of life Ia kept out of sight by the magic Of many a mother and wife! ml am ready to murmur ; life is flitting away, With the self-same round of duties FflUng each busy da-y, It comer, to my spirit sweetly, With the grace of a thought divir~: "Yotx aro living, to?intr for love's saka And the loving should never repina" "SXTOOPEB." Itr/as was an extraordinary engage ment?in fact, incomprehensible. Just imagine, Belle Remesa (her name was Isabel,- but Izzie has not a pretty sound), the charming hazel-eyed, golden-haired fairy, was engaged to be married to Doc tor Bander. - But this fact alone was neither incom prehensible nor extraordinary, for he was as wealthy as she; he was as handsome and learned a man as she was a pre6ty and refined woman; no, the rare feature in. the case was, that the relatives of both high contracting parties were not ' only satisfied, but eminently pleased with the match. Imagine, fair reader?and unfair one, too?what would you think if your mother-in-law were openly, in your pres ence and out of it, to express her un qualified approval of the brilliant match her child had made. What; if your sis ter-in-law should agree with their mother? ";Well, that was the astonishing fea ture m Belle's and the Doctor's engage ment. They loved each other devotedly, of course, but because there was no opposi "?mon to the match they lost a great deal oi^^miserable joys, or joy ous miseries, of courtship. They felt as if they had been married for years, because their good-bye kisses were not stolen, but given and received, as a matter of course, in presence of all. " The wedding was to take place Christ mas eve, and grand preparations were being made, for it was to oe the affair of the season. ?One evening in October, the doctor, after pulling his bride's younger sister's ears to his heart's content, suggested a late, oystor supper, &nd- f or-so mo reason which ho would find difficult to explain, sarried home an oyster shell from the repast. On the following morning he found it in his pocket, and while resting from his professional work, amused himself by thoroughly scrubbing it. "But few of us know now beautiful an oyster shell is," said he. I "As beautiful as Belle?" asked his friend and former classmate, Doctor Collins, who, while lying on Bander's operating chair read the latest medical journal. "No," said doctor Bander, while he continued to admire the shell. "Nor as eloquent?" again said his friend, in a teasing tone. "Which?" asked Dr. Bander, ambigu ously. Collins continued his reading, as Bander mechanically polished the shell. Sud denly an idea presented itself to him which seemed amusing, for he smiled as he glued a ribbon to the back of the ehell, and upon its face he painted the word "Snooper."" He ornamented its edge with a narrow rim of gold and thee hung it on the wall of his office, among the paintings and articles of bric-a-brac, most of which he had collected on his travels.^ When he had finished his little orna ment, his friend arose, looked at it, and said: "Regy, what is a snooper?" Dr. Bander, without changing a feature, or manifesting the least annoyance in his tone, answered: "An apparatus designed to make blamed fools ask questions." For some reason both laughed, yet neither would have been able to explain their amusement, except, perhaps, by the autithesis it presented to the usual ser ious character of their employment. The "snooper" was soon forgotten in the discussion of a new operation which a surgical celebrity was- just then intro ducing, when Miss Belle entered with a message from her mother, asking whether Regy would have time to dine with her that evening. The doctor kissed his bride, whereupon his friend, with a larcical gravity, felt his pulse, and in a breath said: Repetitur pro re nata, five dollars is my fee." and affecting a pompout stride, took his hat and overcoat and went home. While Dr. Bander proceeded to write, Miss Belle "set things aright," which as a bride, was a pleasure to both, and which, as a wife she might consider quite a task and he an insufferable bore. Such is the way with a majority of profes sional men?they seem to enjoy disorder in the workshop of their brains, and their wives take particular pleasure in depriving them of that enjoyment. The elegant little dust-broom which Belle had given her future husband was whisking off the particles which had settled upon his books and ornaments as ehe talked to him. Suddenly she stopped, touched the oyster-shell upon the wall, and read the word " Snooper." M Reg}-, what is a snooper ! she in quired. "A'snooper,' dear," he answered, " is aa apparatus designed to make fools ask questions." She did not laugh, but quietly laying down the duster, before he could under stand her actions, she had left his office, and'a moment later he heard the street door open. "Belle, dear," he exclaimed, but his voice was full of misgiving. The door closed, and Dr. Bander understood that something had disturbed the pleasant engagement. His efforts to continue writing proved futile. Belle's silent exit spoke volumes to him. Ho could not convince himself that the matter would blow over as soon as he might wish. The entrance of patients, for awhile gave his thoughts other direction, but his office hours were hardly over when he de termined to call on his bride and either laugh away the affair, or if he should fail in this?much as he disliked the idea, he would apologize. He was adjusting his gloves when his eye fell upon the "snooper," and?women would say?manlike he tore it from the wall, and opening a window he threw it out, and was sorry that it did lot break en the pavement below. Col M tflc VOL. XII. f 'Slowly lie entered Mb cab, and waa about to order the coachman to drive to Remesa's house, when a messenger handed him a package. He opened it and found all his presents to his bride, even to her engagement ring. He did not observe the messenger pick up something from the street, and smile as he carried off the "snooper" with him; but returned to his room and gathered the pretty little ornaments bis bride had given Mm, made a pack of them and sent them to her without a word. The two apparently most gay people at all the balls and parties during: the entire winter were Miss Remesa and Dr. Bander, yet they avoided each other as skilfully as they did the questions of their relatives and friends. Soon all ceased to speak of the engagement, and by spring it was only rememcered that at one time they had been promised to each other. * Again Christmas approached, and Dr. Bander had not eaten an oyster in that interval. He worked harder than ever at pro fessional matters, and was appointed sur . geon to the City hospital. A fair was to be given for the benefit ofjthe institution, and, of course, he must attend. Bander went and was victimized at grab-bags, raffles, votes for the prettiest lady, the most popular physician at the "museum of living curiosities," wMch contained a mouse in a cage, a canary wMch drew water, and similar marvels. The fine art gallery consisted of "Bony part crossing the nnd"?a skeleton of a cMcken mounted on orange-peelings, and "Egyptian Darkness"?a sort of a sentry box, wMck kept the be holder peering in and seeing nothing. As his purse grew light, thoughts of going home presented themselves to him, when he noticed a large n imber of peo ple in one corner of the hall, who seemed to struggle toward the center and leave it with a small package, which each one opened when alone and laughed over its contents. He approached the crowd without be ing able to elicit the cause of the commo tion, was pressed to a pagoda, within wMch stood Belle, who, with perhaps ever so slight a tremor in her voice, said : "Good evening, Doctor Bander! How many will you take? Only twenty-five cents each." - He handed her a doll er, and she quickly returned him four little jeweler's boxes, upon wMch was printed: "To be opened when alone." The surging crowd pushed him 6ff, and as soon as he was free he opened one of the boxes and drew forth a circular, which read as follows: THE ONLY ORIGINAL SNOOPER. PATENTED, COPYRIGHTED AND CAVEATED BT THE INVENTOR. Directions: Hang the snooper by its ribbon in a conspicuous place in your office or par lor, and all who see it will ask: "What is a snooperf Then yon must auftwer: "A snooper is an apparatus to make fools ask questions." This inevitablv produces the best of feeling among all concerned. Note: If your snooper should break, you will have lost the sum invested. P. S. No discount to the trade. P. P. S.?Call again. Beneath this circular upon "some fine cotton rested the oyster-shell, polished, cleaned and painted as the one he had hung in Ms office on the last day that Belle had been there. The hot blood rushed to Ms face, and the first impulse was to throw the boxes upon the floor and leave the hall; yet a moment's con sideration convinced Mm that he could take advantage of this opportunity to speak to Belle. He attached the shell to Ms button hole, like a boquet or decoration, and returned to the pagoda. "Miss Remesa, is it allowable to wear a snooper in this manner?" She betrayed not the slighest emotion aa she took a tiny golden shell from her bosom, upon which the letters R and B were entwined and deftly fastened it to Ms scarf, said: "No, Regy." Some say that he grasped her hand and pressed it to his lips before he would release it, but that cannot be proven. An hour later they entered the sitting room of the Remesa mansion. Belle's parents started as if frightened when they saw them. After some moments' conversation, Mr. Ramesa said: "Now, Reginald, will you kindly tell us the cause of your incomprehensible separation from Belle?" The doctor answered, much in the manner of a schoolboy confessing a peccadillo: "A snooper." Mrs. Remesa turned to Belle and said: "Perhaps you will explain what divorced you for a whole year previous to your marriage?" Belle blushed, looked at the doctor, at her parents, and as she cast a glance at the floor seemed to find an answer there, for she quickly said: "A snooper," and seemed glad that she had given ex pression to her pentup thoughts. "A snooper 1?why, what under heaven is a snooper?" both asked. Before they could answer, in rushed Belle's yonnger brother, and, boy-like, roared "just think I ma and pa, Belle's made a fortune for the hospital, selling oyster shells and calling them?" he saw the doctor. "Why, hello?Reg?what in the world brought you back?" The doctor smiled now as he said; "A snooper." The young brother-in-law grasped his hand and yelled, hurrah for the snooper?" Mr. Remesa arose, and with all the dignity of a well-reputed wealthy mer chant said: "Have you all gone mad? Charles, will you have the kindness to inform' me immediately what a snooper is?" Imagine the consternation Charles' answer produced: "According to directions a 'snooper is an apparatus designed to make fools ask questions.'" The old gentleman glared at his son, then at the rest of the family. Silently he left the room. He went to the club, and at the verv entrance met another of "the old boys." "Howdy, Remessa?look at this shell. You're a connoisseur in bivalves?what do you think of this?" The old gentleman saw the fatal word " snooper" painted upon an oyster shell, and was about to say something severe to his interrogator, when Doctor Codine approached with a polite salutation. "Doctor, I am "lad to see you," said Mr. Remesa, " and I should like to talk to you for a few moments." Visions of a consultation Irom the ric h Mr. Remesa crosted the doctor's mind as they went to the smoking-room. These visions, were, however, rapidly dispelled, and the old gentleman and the young doctor, after an nour's conversation, parted, both apparently in high glee. It was near midnight when Dr. Ban der returned to Ms office, and there found Codine, who greeted Mm with: "Bander, do you know what you are ?" "A very ordinarymortal in your eyes, I presume." "No, you are a snooper," and for some reason they embraced, not like Spaniards, but really hugged each other. Codine found his breath first, and said: "Bander, when is it to be ?" "Christmas. And you will be my best man. Belle told me to ask you." And Christmas it was. It seems that somehow tho cause of the separation had become public, for the majority of the presents were elegant imitations in gold and Oliver of the snooper. >ver Jan 1, '83 OEA I Reader, make a snooper and show ft to your sister-in-law. When she asks the question, answer according to direc tions, and then it wonld be well to re member that you hare an urgent appoint ment some miles off. But after all, is there such a word as "snooper!" Convince yourself by looking; on page one thousand two hundred and fifty-one of "Webster's Unabridged Dictionary, and if you don't find it I'm sorry for you, and for "Webster also.?F. 0. Valentine, in Swintorta Story Teller. Persimmons. 11 "What's them things, mister?" asked a man of a Fulton market fruit dealer, pointing to a peculiar looking fruit about two inches in diameter, of a terra-cotta color, closely resembling an apple in shape and having a needle-like point at one end and something like an acorn cup at the other. There was a malicious twinkle in tha dealer's eye as he said: "Why, these are the celebrated Ten nessee persimmons! Haven't you ever tasted them? Try one." It was not mellow, but it looked tempt ing, and the man's teeth met beyond a piece the size of a silver dollar. The one piece satisfied him, evidently, for all the astringent qualities of a green persimmon began to take immediate effect upon his tongue, his teeth and his lips. His mouth was i growing smaller by degrees, he could not !dugh with grace, he could not be angry, he could not articulate ; yet all the time he had the mortification of see ing the dealer and his neighbors well nigh convulsed with laughter. "With a smothered oath he went away. " These pereimmona," said the dealer, " came from a fanner near Nashville, Tennessee, who makes a specialty of growing them. He finds it a profitable usincss and has brought the heretofore almost worthless fruit to a high state of perfection. These specimens are green, of course, and were sent to me for com parison with the Japaneso persimmon. I find them larger, but cannot judge of their flavor till they are ripe, which they are not till bitten by the frost. Frost mellows them and removes all their astringency, makes them as sweet as sugar and of a delicious flavor. "The persimmon, indigenous to the South, grows upon small trees seldom ex ceeding fifty feet in height, and in a wild state the fruit is small and unattractive, though extremely sweet after frost. Children are fond of the persimmon, but they are most popular with the 'possum, who walks forth nightly to regale himself and become a victim of the boys and dogs who know just where to fiud him. A persimmon tree is a 'possum's Delmonico. Some peoole have experimented with per simmons in various ways, and I have known them to be dried and pressed, in which condition they eat as well a3 the dates of Arabia. The farmer from whom these came has realized as much as $10 a bushel for his cultivated variety, and, I understand, he has developed a goodly portion of his land to a persimmon or chard with the intention of showing the American people just what can be done with a product which grows in every old field in the Southern and Central States, and has heretofore, been looked uppa as.v little less than a nuisance.?iroTo York Tribune. Petrified Pumpkins. The California papers *-r? telling n story about petrified pumpkins in Men docino county. The report is that a farmer, some years ago, had a lot of Sumpkins washed away by a freshet own a ravjne, and for a number of years the pumpkins were observed where the water had lodged them, but no one had ever thought they had turned to stone, until the other day a man at tempted to pick one of them up, when he discovered that it was very heavy and had turned to stone. About fifty more were in the same condition. The story may be true, but it offers no special in ducement for agriculturists to raise pav ing stones on pumpkin vines. Some pump kins are of no special good, except to sling at cats, but as the supply is too small to be used with advantage, they will not be used. If California will find a process for making pies cut of her petrified pumpkins, the boarding-house keepers of the country will rise up and call her blessed.?Boston Globe. ? Fact and Fiction. A Cincinnati editor, sat down and wrote: " For some time professed hu morous writers fo- the newspapers have endeavored to b- ip an agreeable and proStable reputai.o.i for themselves at the e?.pense of the good name of Ameri can boys. Each little eccentricity and frailty has been enlarged upon, each bad trait has been exaggerated and all the good ones ignored, and no occasion has been spared to attack the reputation of our boys for the sake of constructing a remarkable story or turning a joke to at tract the attention of newspaper readers. This sort of sensationalism is not only to be deeply deplored, but to be severely censured, and so far as opportunity offers to be sharply chastised, for we cannot afford to permit our boy3 to be vilified." And just then his dog came in with his tail shaved and the rest of him tarred and feathered, and he didn't v finish the editorial, but wrote another on the need of more reform schools and more vigilant police.?JJoston Post. The New Mormon Temple. The main walls of the new temple of the Mormons in Salt Lake have been completed. The first stone was laid twenty-eight years ago. The material is granite, like Maine granite, full of shi ning mica flecks, and is hauled from the mountains back of Salt Lake with oxen on enormous wagons, with wheels twelve feet high. Tae walls are exceedingly thick?ten feet?and the height eighty five feet. The cost to date, paid by tith ings, has been $4.500,000, and six more years of work will be required to com plete the structure. It has come to stay, whether Mormonism has or not, and it has been predicted that some day the State of Utah, redeemed and purged of polygamy, will own it and use it for a capitol. Letting Him Down. "Oh, Clara," he said, '-how I have longed for this happy hour, when we two should sup together alone! Haven't you also longed, Clara?" "Yes, very much." "And why, darling, have you longed ? Do you really think so much?" "Oh, yes, Henry, I do think everything of?" "You do ?" "Everything in the world of these?" "These happy, blissful moments ?" "No, these oysters. They are the first I've had a chance to bite into for a year.' The total number of newspapers and magazines published in the United States and Canada is 13,186, showing an in crease over last year of 1,028. Total in the United States, 12,179; Canadas, 1,007. Published as follows: Dailies, 1,227; tri-weeklies, 71; semi-weeklies, 151; weeklies, 9,955. Archibald Forbes, the press correspond ent, has been through seven wars and taken part in 150 battles, but yet is not satisfied. We see by the papers he is going to get married.?PniiadeZphia CaU. NGEBTJEG, S. C? HUMOROUS SKETCHES. By the Sea> "What are the wild waves saying, Charlie?" "Let ns spray." "Oh, pray, don't 1 That's too old." "What do you think they're saying, Bertha?" "You won't be angry if I tell you?" "Why, certainly not, darling." "I think they're wailing because their white cap3 are not trimmed with fur just like the cloak I expect to get for my Christmas, dear." Charlie walks home with his far-seeing little wife and wonders why he ever mar ried.?New York Journal. Quite a. Different Man? Materfamilias?"Who was that man you were walking with this atternoon, Edith?" Edith?"That was Alfred Eastlake, one of the most charming young gentle men I ever met." " And who is he, pray?" " He is studying law." " The law is overcrowded, and it may be ten years before he can earn his living. Besides, I don't like his looks. He has ? red nose all full of carbuncles, his clothes don't fit him, his linen is not white by a good deal, and, in foot, I don't believe he can walk straight half the time. Please don't associate?" "Ohl it is not Mr. Eastlake you are describing. You must have seen me with Lord Topnoddy, who came up just as Mr. Eastlake left." "Lord Topnoddy! Well, I declare; a real live lord, and I never knew it. Don't fail to ask him to call the very first chance you get. I hope he isn't married yet."?Philadelphia Call. Children's Chatter. Mother (to a five-year-old, who has sat very still for five minutes)? "What are you thinking of, Georgia?" Georgia? "Oh! 'bout old times, I dess." A wee one in this place who was be ing trotted on her grandmother's knee suddenly discovering the wrinkles on the good dame's face, exclaimed: "Oh ! ?gamma ! I see a lot o' 'ittle tucks on oo face!" An old gentleman, who had a wooden leg terminating in a knob, called to see a lady. The lady's little son, after look ing at the wooden leg several minutes, said to the old gentleman: "Monsieur, have you put your cane in the leg of your pantaloons?"?Philadelphia Call. Little Eddie Bonner and Sammy Rose yesterday saw a worm crawling on the sidewalk in front ot the latter's home. Sammy was going to mash it with a stone, when Eddie said: "Don't mash it, Sammy! If you do Dod might mash you; fur I heard mother say we ain't more than worms to Dod."?Kentucky Journal. "Papa," said a Marathon boy, "do goats give milk?" "Yes, Tommy." "And a goat is a butter, isn't it?" "Yes, my eon." "Well, then, isn't goat's milk butter milk?"?Independent. Brother Gardner on Transmigration. "I understan'," began Brother Gard -Nnerra<I'understan, dat sartinv pussoiis in dis club am all broke up ober de^+heory of transmigrashun. It has bin reported to mc dat Samuel Shin am shakin' in his butes fur fear dat he will be turned into a dog and have to foller a brick wagon. I lam dat Elder Toots am almos' sick abed bekase he expects to be transformed into an old white boss an' be used on a delivery wagin, airly an' late. It am said dat Whalebone Howker had u fit when his wife ate two hull pics an' went to bed an' dreamed dat it had died an' bin transformed into a hyena. Eben Judge Cadaver turns pale at de ideah of his ever becomin' a giraffe an' havin' to hold his bead too high to eber see- a lost cent on dc sidewalk. "Gem'Ien, dar' may be sunthin' in de theory, bat I see no occasion fur worry. If Samuel Shin am turned into a dog let him conduct hisself in an honorable, gen tlemanly manner an' he will not lack fur ; friends nor bones. None of you will remember dat you once libed on airth as meu an' were members of de Lime-Kiln ! club. If Slapjack Jackson am turned into a coon it will come perfectly nateral to have him take to a tree when he hears a dog bark. If Sunset Parker leaves his present shape to become an ox de yoke will come perfeckly nateral to him, an' he will submit to be pounded an' cussed widout a thought of usin' his horns or I hoofs. Dar' am no occashun to feel bad in de daytime nor lose any sleep at night, let us now purceed." Wasn't a Liar. "What is your name?" asked the United States attorney of an old "squatter," who I had been summoned before the court as a witness. "Which name, 'Squire?" "Your right name, of course." "I ain't got none." "What, you don't mean to say that you haven't got a name." "Oh, no sir." "This summons says that you name is Ananias Peters. Is that so?" "Reckin it is." "Thought you didn't have a right name?" "I ain't." "Look here, sir. Don't trifle with this court. Your prevarication will not be tolerated here. Why. did you say that Ananias Peters was not your right name." "'Case it wan't right to name a boy Ananias, therefore it ain't a right name. The Bible. I believe, sorter called Ana nias a liar." "Which," interposed the judge, "makes it peculiarly applicable to your case." "Look a-he re, jedge, I don't want to progic with you, 'case you've got the upper hand of me, but I don't want you to hit me with the Bible. A man's in a bad enough fix when yer fling the law at him. but when yer iling the law an' the gospel both, he ain't got no show.'' "Where uo you live?" asked the attor ney. "At home."' "But where's your home?" "In the neighborhood o' w)iar I live." The judge turned away to conceal a smile, and the attorney, giving the "squatter" a look of extreme severity, said: "Do you know where you are, sir?" "Yes, sir: I'm here." "You won't be here much longer, un less you answer my questions." "I'm answerin* your questions, 'squire. Go on with your rat killinV "Where were you when Mr. Jasen, the defendant, cut timber from government land?" "When did he do the cuttin'?" "That's what I want to find out. I think it was sometime in October." "Wal, some times in October I was in one place an' sometimes in another." "Did you ever see him cutting govern ment timber?" "I believe I did." "When?" "Durin' the war when be was in the army?" "None of your foolishness now. Didn't you come along the road one day in Oc tober and talk to the defendant while he was chopping down a tree?" "No, sir." "Remember that you arc under oath. So you didn't sec him while he was chop ping down a tree?" . "Didn't say that, 'squire, for I dfd sec him choppin' the tree." "Did you stop and talk to himj" "Yes, sir.". ;v i "Thought you said yon didn't stop and talk to him?" j "Didn't say it.?3? "You did." "Didn't say it." "What did vou say?" "Said I didn't, talk to him while he was choppin', furchen I come up an' spoke, he quit choppin'. Ef thar's any tliing else you wanter know, fire away." , ?Arkantaw Traveler. FACTS FOE THE CURIOUS. | A confectioner Says that thirty per cent, of the candy sold is white earth. Somebody who has been counting says that the article '.the/' is used about 16, 000 times in every'Copy of the London Times. A forest of treea ,.was recently found under a bed of clay and twenty-three feet of soil on Connecticut avenue, Wash ington. Roast elephant is a sacred dish in Ton quin and Annam, as-are also bird's nest pies, made of esculent swallows with a plate of insects. The imperial standard of England was first hoisted on the tower of London and on Bedford tower, Dublin, and also dis played by the foot-g~"?irds on the union of the kingdoms, January 1, 1801. Commodore Bmnbridge and 315 of his men were captured, by the Tripolitans in 1803, and remained Prisoners for about nineteen months. His vessel struck on a rock near the shore,, and his capture was attended with no dishonor. When Xanthus in Lycia was besieged by the Romans under Brutus, 42 B. C, the men set fire to the city, killed their wives and children a^d then themselves. The conqueror, wishing to spare them, promised rewards to any soldier who would bring him a living Xanthean, but only 150 were saved. Certain Swiss living in the Canton of St. Gallen recently attempted to trans form 160 francs, whiih they buried be neath a headstone, into five millions by the simple process of saying spells over it and passing eight days without cloth ing, repeating magic formula} all the time. When the authorities discovered them they were in a . Btato of great ex citement, but full of faith. Small note-paper was first sold by a ; Brighton (England); stationer, who, j wishing to arrange his stock in pyramids, cut some cards very small to point the pyramids. Ladies mistook these cards for paper, and asked for some of that small paper so often that at last he iwas obliged to cut some of the desired; size, and then, as there was no space toiwrite the address, he invented the envelope. Among the Omaha Indians, a child who had lost its father or mother is con sidered an orphan, lfa particular place is gone, and it passes into the "gens." If it is the father who dies, the mother loses all maternal rights. Each child, unless of very tender age, will be separa ted from the mother} and will go into the family of some one of the father's relatives. It may thereafter be claimgd.. as his own child by the male head-efthe family to which i bfa^fcji?jrVnnp.fl, This. _ sep^atatTif?-oiTr'w^ her children is permanent. She usually marries again, and in that event is not burdened with her offspring by previous husbands. Romance of a Peer. Lord Congleton, who died recently, 1 says London Life, was a man of marked eccentricity of manner, but his blunt speech and brusqueness of bearing cov ered a warm and kindly heart. He was an ardent supporter of the sect known as "Plymouth Brethren," and it was his devotion to this peculiar form of worship that involved him in rather a strange match. While traveling in Persia with a friend he succeeded in converting an Armenian lady, Madame Lazar, a widow of an Armenian merchant, to a belief in this peculiar form of worship. Convert ing her was, comparatively, a simple business; but then arose the question. What is to be done next ? Propriety for bade that these two guileless gentlemen should travel about accompanied by a handsome widow; while, were she left behind, her heathen relations would make short work of her, or her Christi anity. For the sake of hersoul she must not be left, so one of them must marry her! It was agreed that, after the man ner of the Scriptures, lots should be cast to decide who was to become the happy Benedict. The lot fell to Lord Congle ton. who at once crrried out the contract, and lived very happy with the lady until her death. White House Wear and Tear. Many people wonder why it costs so much to keep the excutive mansion in good order, says a Washington letter. Colonel Rockwell says the "wear and tear" of the furniture exceeds that of any hotel in the country. The "dear public," to the average of 500 a day, insist upon seeing the White House. They must tread upon the carpets and rest themselves in the tempting chairs. They must exam ine, with their eyes and fingers, all the upholstery and drapery. When it ib re membered that this is repeated every day in the year it will cease to be a matter of wonder that the wear is so rapid. Of course, the people of this country would live and die just.as happy if they were excluded from the White House, but what a tempest of indignation such a high handed mcasnre would provoke! Those things were paid for by the people and the people are going to see them. All that can be done is to let the people wear 'em out, and then they can pay for more. A Spicy llcporter. "You must throw a little spice into your writing," said the city editor to a new reporter. "Facts are all very well and make an admirable foundation, but | there must be some elaboration. A bare i bonnet without trimmings would be an j unsightly affair." "Why, I have thrown spice into tliisar- I tide." the reporter replied. "Where is the spice?" "I say spice, because I have handled j the subject gingerly." "My collegiate friend," said the city editor, "you are too smart to be a re- | porter. Go on away and lecture for | seventy-five dollars per night. Advertise yourself with colored pictures and call yourself a great paragrnpher. The pub- I He is hungry for you." "You seem to be interested in mv wel- | fare." "I am, for I believe that the public | would kill you the first night."?Arlcan- ; taw Traveler. "I can't live without her," he said to j his legal adviser, "and I am sure that away down in her heart she has a little I feeling for me. I am going to test her." I He pulled out a pistol and said: "I am going to her with this and say, 'Here, j shoot me down; I don't care to live any more.''1 "You had better not," said the j cautious legal man; "she might pull the ' trigger.1' "I don't care for that," said j the heartbroken husband; "I don't care forthat; I have filled the weapon with blank cartridges."?Figaro. No dude is complete without a watch chain. It doesn't matter about the watch. He can't toll when it rains with- . out looking at a watch, and he probably '< knows enough to go in.?Breakfast Table. ? OER 20, 1883. FOB FEMININE HEADERS. | Peter Cwoner's Sympathy With Women. Mrs. Susan N. Carter, the head of the Woman's Art school of the Cooper Insti tute, contributes an anecdotal paper to the Century, in which she says of Mr. Cooper's aims: " 'All I want,' he said, *is, that these poor women shall earn de cent and respectable livings, and espec ially that they shall be kept from mar rying bad husbands.' "This subject of unhappy marriages ?eemed to be a very prominent one in Mr. Cooper's mind. That women were often imposed upon, were ill-used and broken down, he had a lively conviction ; and all his chivalry and sense of fatherly protection were enlisted to Bave them, so far as he could, from these ordinary mis fortunes. "WWhj the world is now occu pied with th Stion of what -women can be taugnt, vueir higher education,' and many kindred subjects, Mr. Cooper's ccute genius discov ered, as by intuition, many years ago, the relation of women of the middle class of society, to industries, and the family. He saw that many of them could not marry, and he realized what must be the forlorn position of a number of elderly daughters of a poor man. He had noted the dangerous liklihood of giddy, ignorant young girls marrying anybody for a home, even if the men they married were dissipated or inefficient: and he had the tenderest pity for poor widows or deserted wives. He talked many times, and at great length, on these subjects, and all circumstances and any sort of incident brought up this de sire of his heart, to help women to be happy, independent, and virtuous. "One of the lost times he was at the school, and while a celebrated Now York clergyman was giving a course of Lenten lectures to women, Mr. Cooper, his face all animated with his feelings about it, said: 'Dr.- is of the wealthy class, and' he has been used to deal with wealthy women. The world does not look like the same place to him that it does to me. If he could be in my place for a month, and read the letters I get from poor and suffering women, he would think that it would be beat to have them taught anything which they could learn to enable them to lessen all this trouble." Good By, Kosy Checks. " Just take a look at that lady coming out of the drug store," said a well-known physician to a Cleveland Herald reporter, at the same time attracting his attention to a beautiful girl of twenty-one, or thereabouts, as plump and rosy-cheeked as oiily a proper mode of living could make her. She was. the very picture of health, her proportions were symmetri cal from head to foot, and from a glance the reporter judged that she weighed 150 pounds. She.carried a small package in her hand, and as she disappeared from view the ? physician, continuing, said :' " That girl is as pretty and Jiauasbme as any in town, herjiajFents"are among the wealthie8t,,-alt~^er wishes are fulfilled, ahejyants for nothing, still she is as miserable and unhappy as the poorest woman in town." _ , . ".Spme.loye affair, of course, said the reporter. """ "Far from it," replied the M. D. " She is engaged and about to become the wife of the man of her choice; but the fact of her being a slave to fashion renders her unhappy." "If it is as you say, she must surely have money enough to move along with the world of fashion." "You don't mean to say," said the doctor, "that you haven't heard of the latest lank and lean craze now existing among fashionable ladies? No? "Well, then, I'll tell jou. A great number of the fair sex, nowadays, those who are as finely proportioned as the young lady I have just pointed out to you, and with the flush of health upon their cheeks, consider themselves out of fashion, for to be fashionable nowadays one must wear a "lean and hungry look," look pale and interesting. Those approach ing a reasonable degree of avoirdupois or the possessors of rosy cheeks, are looked upon as being vulgar, and not entitled to the honor and distinction of moving in the fashionable world. But to return to the young lady who has just left this drug store. You must have no ticed the package she earned in her hand; that is nothing more or less than a vile compound of drugs, put up for the purpose of reducing a person's weight, at the same time undermining the health of the brainless idiots foolish enough to take it. That lady called at my office last week and blandly asked me what course she should pursue, and what means she should employ to reduce her weight and remove the color of roses from her cheeks. I had a series of con versations with her, vainly endeavor:ng to dissuade her from the foolish course Bhe was about to pursue, but it was of no avail; she left my office highly indig nant,' and said she would never consult me again. I then called on the young lady's father, who tried to talk seriously to his daughter, but I have since ascer tained that she visited other physicians, who gave herthe necessary prescriptions. I know of some ladies in the city, mar ried and single, who don't stop at any thing. Eating arsenic is an old failure among the fair sex, but it has lately been revived at a fearful rate, for to gain their eng is it not only necessary to be thin but pale. How long such a craze generally lasts there is no telling. I tell you, sir, it is wonderful to contemplate the suf ferings some women are willing to undergo for the sake of being fashion able. I know that you are inclined to doubt my assertions, hut some day, when you have the time to spare take a walk among drug stores and physician's offi ces, and you will find that I have told you the truth without the least bit of exaggeration.'' Fashion ZVotc*. Black hare is the popular fur of the winter. Velvet flowers are worn on Parisian bonnets. "London smoke" is a fashionable color for cloth ulsters. Valenciennes is the fashionable lace for young ladies. Slender lace pins are still the favorite form for brooches. The Newmarket coat is the fashiona ble traveling wrap. Tailor-made cloth dresses are the height of style for the street. The leading sleeve is the coat-shape fulled in on the shoulder. Pigeon gray and pheasant brown are leading shades this season. Basques, as a rule, arc short and arc pointed both back and front. "White and ecru leather vests are worn under velvet and plush jackets. A clever Paris correspondent calls vel veteen "the velvet of the street." It is again fashionable to wear a fancy pin in the bonnet bow under the chin. All sorts of fanciful figured pieces and heads in steel, gilt, silver and other met als ornament both hats and bonnets. Clover-leaf bracelets, with a diamond or two on each leaf to simulate dew drops, are among the newest designs in jewelry. A very pretty gold lace-pin is in a de sign of a horse-shoe, with a spider's web woven over it, and a diamond spider in the center. Three French twists to the back of the hair and a loosely curled bang is one of the latest and prettiest coiffures for a young lady. Daggers and swords are fashionable stuck through the back hair. They should be of silver or gold. Some have tiny bells attached. Lace pins of guitars, violins, banjo3 and other musical instruments are unique and fashionable. They are perfect copies of the instruments, having strings and keys. There is a rage for Indian brass work, not only in vases and perfume jars and lamps, but in hammered plates, entirely covering the woodwork of bedsteads and making them look as if composed of solid metal. A bonnet worn at the New York acad emy of music was of soft cream white plush, bordered with a row of tiny silver and gold leaves, and fastened under the chin with duchesse lace strings, held by a diamond and emerald beetle. Redfern, the London tailor, who makes the swell cloth dresses, is using dark cloth and vicugna for walking cos tumes and trimming them either with gold braid or astrachan. The skirts are kilted and the tunics ornamented. Many of the imported opera cloaks worn in New York are of Persian or pea cock velvet. The former shows all colors in a soft, heavy pile, and the lat ter the feathers of the peacock in the natural tints, one placed on the other in a fantastic design. Some of the imported wool costumes are embroidered in a chain-stitched vine pattern of filoselle or undivided wood, and the flowers or grapes of this vine are formed by bunches of tiny oilk or wool pompons and tassels, which are fastened on in the desired form, making an ex ceedingly pretty and effective decoration. "White silk stockings embroidered with white are worn either with white satin slippers or "boots, as the bride may prefer. Gant de Suede gloves, long enough to meet the elbow sleeve and wrinkle at the wrist, are in style. The conventional orange blossoms have yielded to the greater claims of white lilacs, daisies, snowdrops and roses. POPULAR SCIENCE. A canoe, partly imbedded under the river Arun, has been found in the parish of Pulborough, Sussex, England. It is fifteen feet long by four foot broad, and had been cut out of a single massive oak tree in the stone age. The dryest flour contains frojjufirX to seven per cent, of water, and-the average percentage would be-Hfrbm seventeen to eighteen, as franr^eleven to twelve per cent, can be driven out by heat of about 9% degrees Fahrenheit. The speed at which explosions can travel has been looked into by M. Berthe - lot. He took for the gases carbonic oxide and oxygen, and these he exploded in a tube sixteen inches long and one third inch in diameter, by means of elec tricity. The rate observed was the un expectedly high one of 2.500 metres a ?econd. - A Frenchman who has patented a ma chine for the use of concentrated solar rays as a general motive power has set up three of his machines in Algeria for the French government. He is carrying on experiments at the island of Porquerolles, near Hyeres, where he is threshing Indian corn and raising water by the action* of the sun's rays. Sir Charles D?ke has also lent him part of his land at Cape Brun, near Toulon, for his experiments; and he proposes to utilize the sun in boring the holes for blasting, for tree-planting in the hard rocks, as well as in pumping water from the winter wells into the sum mer cisterns. Frofessor Colladon, of Geneva, has ascertained that when lightning strikes a tree it leaves very few marks of its pas sage on the upper part and middle of the trunk, but as it descends to the neigh borhood of the heavier branches it tears open the bark and in many . lances shivers the tree. He ascribes this pecul iarity to the fact that the upper portion of the tree are more highly charged with sugar?a good ek trie conductor?than the lower parts. An exception to the rule seems to be found in oaks, which are often seen with tops quite blasted and the passage of the lightning lower down marked by a gouge-like furrow. Diamonds for Drills. "Diamonds arc comparatively cheap nowadays," a rock dnll manufacturer j said, " and the diamond set bits used in the diamond drills do not cost as much as they did." " Are genuine diamonds used in these drills, or are they called diamond drills because the steel has an extremely hard temper ?" the reporter asked. "Diamonds are used in the drills. I They are chiefly one and two carat stones. I At present they cost about $20 a carat. I They are in the rough. The diamond I set bit is hollow. It is a steel thimble, I having three rows of diamonds embedded i in it, so that the edges of those in one j row project from its face, while the j edges of those in the other two rows pro I ject from the outer and inner periphery respectively. The diamonds of the first mentioned row cut the path of the drill in its forward progress, while those on the outer and inner periphery of the tool enlarge the cavity." "How are the diamonds set in the bit ?" "The bit is of soft steel, in which holes ! are drilled. After the diamonds arc fitted the metal is hammered against them so that they remain firm." " Do the diamonds wear out V "Their edges which come in contact with the rock get -a little smooth, and then they are taken out and reset, so that a fresh edge is presented." " Have all thc_ hollow drills three rows of diamonds?" "No. Some have only one row, but these arc not very large. The diamonds stand out from the steel setting, so that the steel does not come in contact with the rock." I 4' How are the diamond drills worked ?" J "By a rapid rotation, varying any ! where from 400 to 1,000 revolutions'a j minute.- There are different machines j used for different kinds of drilling." "Where do you get the diamonds for the bits?" the reporter asked. "They come principally from Brazil. Some come from Siberia and some from the south of Africa; the latter, however, arc more glassy and not so tough as the Brazilian diamonds, and are much more likely to crush under pressure.?New York Sun. I "My observation," says an old batchc I lor, "leads me to the certain knowledge i that up to twenty-five years of age a woman looks for her prospective husband with an expression of fear and tender ness, and from then until thirty with an expectant and anxious look; but after that a relentless, cruel determination haunts her eyes that bodes hardship and revenge upon him should the truant at last be found." There are 120 newspapers in the United States of which the publishtrs, editors and chief contributors are negroes The oldest of them is said to be the Elevator, of San Francisco, which has already at tained its eighteenth year. NO. 43. CHRISTMAS IN VENICE. Holiday Scenes and Incidents in an Italian City. And now the blessed Chri?tmas-eve has come. A hush settles upon the city with the twilight. The toiling fathers and mothers stroll, with the children in their arms, along the passages between the gay booths, and laugh and shout and chaffer with the bronzed peasant, whose faces stand out in relief behind the flar ing brass lamps. The bridges lie white and calm in the dusk, with shadows gathered in the water under the arches. Along the canals the reflections of the house fronts lie black against the dusk of the mirrored sky. Here and there the street light falls on an angel gazing down with outstretched hands and widespread wings. A holy peace is on the beautiful stone face, and the mouths are parted with mute hosannas. Along the lagoon groups are strolling toward the piazza, for their is service in St. Mark's. There are sailor lads dressed afresh for the festa night; peasant sol diers who are thinking of the little homes among the Southern olive hills; young girls with faces shining with holy thoughts. In the upper sky lingers the pale twilight green that the old Vene tians dwelt upon so lovingly. The tower of San Giorgio rises, a stately shaft, againatthe darkening sky, with, the gold en angel standing in relief against the clear space the early moon has left in its wake. At the angel's feet glows the great, bright steadfast evening star. The lagoon is red with the reflected after-glow. Great black shadows lie athwart it from the hulks of the anchored vessels. The net-work of masts and cor dage that stands black against the ruddy sky is reproduced in the pale water. The domes of the city rise black against the late twilight sky, and along the water's edge gleam rows of golden lights. Old convents that long echoed with the Christmas merriment of monks frown upon the joyful people, white and ghostly m their age. In the wine shops the gondoliers are singing noisy Christmas ballads. In the larger caffe officers in spurs and floating cloaks are grouped about the little tables, playing chess and drinking coffee. Old men are knitting their biows over the newspapers, forgetful of Christmas eve. Young men are whispering to gether and laughing over their stories, unmindful of the old blind man who is singing some quaint Christmas, carol at the door to the sound of hisworn guitar. Sometimes young girls'?fresh, pretty things?stand with'their mothers in the recking cjgaTsmoke, and wail Christmas carols ~" to a plaintive violin accompani ment, that makes them stop and listen un I til tears come into their eyes at the thought of Christmas hoped dead long ago. At the Molo the gondole crouch dark against the riva, with stakes rising among them, crowned now and then with a little Gothic tabernacle that has a lamp flickering before a coarse print of the Virgin. The gondoliers lounge, wrapped in their heavy cloaks, about the landing. On the pedestals of the columns, with the white-eyed lion glar ing upon them, and St. Theodore gazing scornfully upon their plebeian, shaped -cower groupy of woman and children anS old men. Some instinct of adcrariofhaa driven theni out. under the open sky to wait.for the mystical coming. Through the dusk gleam the white re clining figures on the arches of the Zecca. She statutes stand dark against the sky under the great black shaft of the Cam panile. The moonlight glitters on the arched window of the ducal palace and under the dusk of the balcony curves, forcing the white shafts to strong relief. Across the piazza, forming a back ground for the figures of the passers-by, streams the light from the brilliant win | dows under the Procuratic and the long, bright street beyond the clock tower. The giants that strike the bell stand out among the chimneys, and below them, against the black front; above the arch, glow the golden numbers of the hour. On the side of the church, where th? mosaic virgin sits high in her niche, with gold and gleaming marbles and quaint carving and smiling monsters about her, burn two flickering points of flame. Thej j have shone there for centuries?the re ! public's peace-offering to a soul whose : body was put to death between the fatal columns. At the door of the basilica weary mothers and children croud among the porphyry columns and thi grinning monsters. At the prayer desks and on the palc mosaicked floor kneel dark veiled figures, like statues, against the chancel flame. The people stand with faces raised tc the throne above the altar glory, whert the great pale Christ sits with His hands j uplifted in blessing. The symbols of the evangelists stand about Ilim?mighty I monsters praising God for the man} ! ChrisLmas-eves they have known sinct the old Greek workers called them intc ' life. A peace not of earth lies upor I their grotesque features, and on the faces of the worshipers standing wit! hushed adoration about the shadow'} : columns. There are old men whose gum hang by the side of the brown Madonnc in token of gratitude for their present tion in the time of the revolution; young girls with rapt faces; young men wirf daik, brave eyes; mothers with theii babes crying out for joy at the bright ness. The glory of immortality hai dawned upon their earth-laden hearts.? Harper^t Magazine. Christmas Rhymes. Again, and yet again, Christmas "re turns with the revolving year."' and, as ii has been for so many centuries, will b< again celebrat. 1 with the advent of frosl and ice amid the depths of winter?ai ! least in the northern half of the world I for in the southern hemisphere Christmas ? comes hand in hand with midsummer and is welcomed, not by blazing logs but with picnics under the cool shade o trees, though even here the old associa tiona hold their sway and roast beef anc Christmas puddings appear upon th< i board. To the poets Christmas has alwayi I been dear, and has been celebrated b] them in some of the finest poetry in ou: : language. One of the finest Christina ! carols ever written is that of Milton 1 which was written when he was ver I young. It is descriptive of the firs I Christmas day, when there was "an uni I versal peace through sea and land." >'or war nor battle's sound Was hoard the world around; The idle spear and shield were high up hung; ; The booked chariot stood ? Unstained with battle blood; The trumpet spake hot to the arme< throng; : And kimrs sat still with awful eye, As if they surely knew their fovt a Lon was nigh. Leigh Hunt in a strain of most pleas ant banter writes of C hristmas as the Glorious time of great Too Much. Too much tiro and too much noise, Too much babblement of boys; To) much eating, loo much drinkinsr, Too much ev'rything but thinking;" Solely bent to laugh and stuff, Anil trample upon base Enough. This is truly seasonable poetic licensi ?running over, as it were, of anima spirits, which was characteristic of th< man, even under the most severe depres sion. For no one advocated more strong ly than he did the restriction of enjoy ment of what he here terms "bas< Enough," and the distribution of th( surplus of the great Too Much amongsl those who unfortunately are innocent o] all familiarity with Enough. ?t)f ?imf5 gift frnwral SPECIAL REQUESTS. L All changes in advertisements must rHftch u3 on Friday. 2. In writiug to this office oil badness r'iw ys give your name a?'i postofnce ad 3. Articles for pnb?caOn should Imj writ ten in a clear, legible hand, and oa oaly on* side of the page. . . 4. Business letters and communications to be published should be written ou seporaU sheets, and the object of each clearly in dicated by necessary note when required. JOB iPJRCVTXIVGr^ DONE WITH NEATNESS AND DISPATCH TERMS CASH. ON MOUNTAIN HEIGHTS.. As travelers on the mountain heights, Where wintry winds forever blow, Will pause beside the dizzy verge To look on tropic vales below, ',__? And feel again the balmy breeze, Unconscious of benumbing cold, And hear in fancy summer-songs, That ripple through the :mnlight's gold; So oft upon some ledge of Time That overhangs the gorga of years, I stand entranced with joy to see How fair the vail of Youth appears. With hearing deaf to surging winds, With vision blind to hostile skies, I only know 1 bask once more Within that distant paradise. It seemed so long, so long cigo, Since from that climate, warm and swee? I wandered into fading light, Unmindful of my straying feet, Till harsher airs assailed my face, And emerald ways grew bare and brown, Till shrouded in a world of mist, And lost, at times, I sank me down, I know I now breathe purer air And tread the firmer ground of rock, O'er many wild impulsive storms, With blinding flash and!thunder-shock; And yet upon these snowy belghti My homesick heart so of ixm turns To gaze upon that lovely -rale On which the deathless sunlight burns. ?Julia H. Thayer, in the Continent PUNGENT_J>ARAGRAPHS. The biggest cabbage heads are not al ways the best, but they have the largest hearts.?Q-rit. It is said the dude is the real connect ing link, but he appears to leau to the ape side.?Picayune. Never judge a girl by her color. She may not be as bad as she is painted. ?Statesman. When Fogg was asked regarding the latest additions to the English langunge, he said he would ask his wife. She al ways had the last word.?Boston Tran script. Franklin said to the effect thaW*1"* who take wives -take, friend of Ottts intimates that it is g? ally th?-wife who takes hair.?PhiiadA,^ vhiar'CaU. A young man in South Carolina, only twenty years of ajre, has been engaged nineteen times. It ib seldom that a youth of his age has been the hero of so many escapes.?San Francisco Alta. A Maine woman offered her husband at auction, but no ODe made a bid. The crowd was so kind-hearted they couldn't bear to have the poor fellow knocked down any more.?Courier-Journal; A young man of this city, violently^ in - love with a pretty seamstress, being asked what business he was in, sighed and said: "lam developing a sewing.-* machine attachment."?N. 7. Jown^r^ out os FrasT,^ "You are so cruel, my pretty maid. M7 heart you have broken," I sadly sayed; "Had butycurheart been soft as your head, It neler had hat e been broken, sir,"' she said. ?Hawkeye. \ A scientist says that in the moon a . hickory nut falling from a bough would crash through a man, like a minie balk That settles it. We shall never go to the moon to gather hickory nuts.?Norristown Herald. The Egyptians drank beer 2,000 years before the Christian era. But because they started it so early is no reason why the American people should keep it up until three o'clock in the morning. ?Bur lington Hawkeye. George Washington, in advertising a large tract of land lying along the Ohio river, said that a city would eventually be built on it. Cincinnati now stands on the land. Even as a land agent, Wash ington wouldn't tell a lie.?Arkansaw Traveler. "Mary," said a mother to her daugh ter, "has Henry proposed yet?" "No . yet, ma, but I think he will before many days." "What makes you think so?" ^ "Became he asked me if you expected/ to live \>lth me if I married, niid-4-Told him no."?Hotel Mail. Major Wasson, the defaulting paymas ter, wept when they shaved off his beau tiful blonde mustache in the Kansas pen ite tiary. The Burlingloa Hawkeye thinks it's no wonder, because there are some barbers in Kansas who would make an iron man cry if they shaved him. One three-yrar-old ostrich will yield $150 worth of feathers a year. (Consid ering that an osttich will eat a week's washing at one meal, if it gets a chance, and swallow a few fence pickets for a dessert, there doesn't seem to be much profit in ostrich farming.?Norristown Herald. "My son," said a Philadelphia father, ] "whenever you start to do a thing never '! half do it." "Must I always do both halves?" asked the hopeful son. "Yes," was the reply. And then the lad, who had stealthily devoured half a pie,sneaked back into the pantry and gobbled the other half. Sweet Mary Ann ha I a musical tongue; By Jiy am! by night forever she songue. And oft on her notes her many*" friends hongue; But, one Jay, alas! she ruptured a longue, Her music away to the winds was soon flongup. And in joy her near neighbor ha 1 all tho bells rongue. ? ?Boston Transcript. We saw a young man with two heads on his shoulder the other day. We were on the point of trying to make a strike with the dime museum manage ment, to exhibit the show, when we were made aware that it was hardly a natural curiosity, and not at all a rare phe nomenon?one head was that of his girl. ?Chicago Sun. It's human nature, human nature; thar.'s what it is. There arc men who would placidly and sweetly sleep in a boiler works, with hundreds of hammers thun dering away around them, who would start up in bed, wide awake, if they heard a tinkle of a few cents as their wives were going through their pants pockets ?Fall litter Advance. A Connecticut man has a third arm growing out of his back Oh. of course, if he has no wife to attend ito his back when it aches or itches, the best way is to have another arm. They are killing off the women so rapidly in Connecticut that men will be compelled to grow an extra arm, or back up against the side of a house to scratch.?Peck's Sun. A Wonderful Old Man at 105. u The grandfather of Dr. W:H. Peebles/ an eminent physician of Georgia, recent ly made the following statement :-Tlis grandfather on his wife's side, Micajah Brooks, was only seventeen years old when he was married to a girl of fifteen. They lived happily together until his wife died at the advanced age of 100 year*:. After her death at about the age of 104 years, he was remarried to a Miss Watfion, of Paulding county, she being about forty years old at the time. Two sons were born tc them, and in the year 1807 he died at ti e advanced age of 118 years. He was a VirgiVnn by birth but was one of the earliest settlers of North western Georgia. He was a great trader with the Indians, and y.t one time owned nearly the whole of Paulding and adja cent counties, which he bought from them. His second wife is still living, which makes her at this time seventy years old