The times and democrat. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, August 16, 1883, Image 1
%tjt Stints mb $tmtM.
FTJBZ.XSSED E7.3HY THTXSSDAY,
BY
J. L S&B"& 8. H.
Editoes axd PaoKnarroas.
SUBSCRIPTION SATES*
"neyear.?
Six months.
ADVERTISING BATES.
First insertion, per square.....%i m,
Sabsequentiasortioa..... ?)
Notices of meetings, obitaaries and trib
0t&? of respect, same rates per square as or
dinary advertisements.
Special contracts made with large adver
tisers, with liberal deductions on above
rates.
Special notices in local column, fifteen
cents per line.
A MERRY HEART.
Tis well to Lave a merry heart,
However short wo stay;
There's wisdom in a merry heart,
Whate'ar the world may say,
Philosophy may lift its head
And 2nd out many a flaw,
Bat give mo the philosophy
Tfcat'3 happy with a straw!
If life but brings us happiness?
It brings us, we are told,
What's hard to troy, though rich one's try,
With all their heaps of gold.
Then laugh away?let others say
Whate'er they will of mirth;
Who laughs the most may truly boast
He's got the vea'th of earth.
There's music in a merry laugh,
A moral beauty, too?
It shows the Heart's an honest heart,
._That's paid each man his due,
and lent a shai e of what's to spare
? Despite of wisdom's fears;
And made the cheek less sorrow speak,
The eye weep fewer tears.
3NEMY JACK.
"Shall we try the glen?"
"Thank you, no."
. " A tramp under the falls would
pass away the afternoon."
" I am tired of the falls. There will
be a fine sunset from the peak, you
say? Well, I am tired of sunsets,
too."
"See here, Jack," I broke in, im
patiently, "there is one thing you
might do."
??What?"
" Come out somewhere and fall in
love. There's a party just arrived. I
neard a ravishing, girl's voice when
the stage drove up, and caught a
glimpse of a face which would break j
your heart at once."
A smile crossed his handsome coun
tenance.
" But I am a little tired of that, you
see. Just this summer there has been
Knbie Lake, aud Bessie, and Kittie,
and others, beside?beside?"
" Beside the little girl from Chilling
worcb," I helped out, with an answer
ing smile. Jack's latest; he couldn't
yet quite speak her name, I thought.
"Oddly, of all your bewitching
maidens, she is the only one I have not
seen. I should really like to see, her,
Jack."
He turned aDd gazed with a sudden,
refreshing fierceness down at me.
"You would like to see her, Mor
daunt? Well, I don't know that I
should object to your seeing her, to
your admiring her, a certain way.
But, mark you, should you ever pre
sume to make love?to?to flirt, even,
with Bebah Wayne, you will change
your dearest friend into the most
bitter enemy you could have upon the
earth!"
I could have laughed outright; it
was so like?so simply Jack. But the
tenderness always in my heart for
resttrjSged me.,
l^c^l-liumoredry. "And nowT
since you will not, I will go and try
my rifle in the glen."
It was a still summer afternoon, at
the hour which the gay world in these
mountains, with rare exceptions, agree
to sleep away. Slight danger of meet
ing any, save my own ilk?some
huntsman or dreamy artist to whom
nature would give no rest; and with a
keen' sense of freedom and comfort I
strode down the rocky glen. Laugh
ing at Jack, now, heartily, yet withal
in a thoughtful mood, somehow hi,
words haunted me. Could it be that
Jack was deeper in love with this
little girl from Chillingworth than any
one yet knew? I had never been in
love, but I supposed even to a man so
subject to fleeting fancies there came a
- ?me
" When oti.er lips rnd other hearts
Their tales of love shall tell."
Thought paused, and I was sudden
ly in the path. For this moment,
from below, a voice floated up the old,
sweet song?a very angel's voice it
sounded in this mountain solitude. I
stood through the verses, spellbound,
yet involuntarily smiling as the legend
came to mind. Glen Mary had its
weird, they said. A gentle maiden
""wandered here day and night, striving
ever to woo back her faithless lover
with the songs he loved of yore. No
mortal had ever seen or heard her; the
matchless face, the enrapturing music,
were far beyond all earthly ken.
I was never a romantic man, but I
grew dazed ftiere, beneath the spell.
How pleasant, if .such things were?
if I stood, now, the one favored mor
tal within sound of this secret singing,
about to look, mayhap, into the won
drous face of poor Glen Mary, to?
to?"
To carry the news to Jack ? Such
was the odd finale dawning on me, as
suddenly the song ended in a wee, but
emphatically earthly, scream, which
sent me flying down the ravine in the
direction from whence the voice had
come.
Glen Mary, indeed ! A dainty, nine
teenth-century maid, wearing a Wat
teau mountain dress and terra-cotta
mousquetaires, bent over a high ledge
" of rocks, exclaiming pitifully as she
gazed beneath. Her broad-brimmed
hat had fallen off, and, as startled at
my step, she turned, I saw the beauti
ful face I had seen peeping from the
coach-window not quite an hour ago.
Site regarded me blushing, but with
an open expression of vexation.
" I frightened you, 1 guess," she said,
naively. " I am sorry, but I lost my
roses," my lovely jacqueminot. See
them scatter ?? .1 ail the way down the
F."
Oh, that was it," I replied, bend
vtoo, to look below. Somehow the
ipf those jac' roses impressed me
loment as the greatest aflliction
kould befidl a human being. The
* despite her frightened protest
fcrd and look, I wasclimbingdown
the rocks.
It was not an easy feat. The stones
were slippery, and the tough vines in
the crevices held the roses prisoners, at
broad intervals, the whole length of
the cliff. But I was bent on having
them every one, even to the poor
broken-leaved by the creek. It was
the proudest achievement of my life
'when at last J climbed back with them
to her.
"Thank you, oh, thank you!" she
murmured, with a smile and a frank
look of admiration which set my heart
to beating as never a girl had made it
beat befor.-. " Will you take a few as
trophies of your victory?"
I had sat down opposite her on the
plateau ; I was looking at her with a
sudden, strange feeling that I had the
right. Surely when a man has worked
so hard to please a pretty girl he has the
right to look at her; this was my
simple thought. For I was new to
love, slow to realize my own stirred
soul. I took the tlowers, ju?t thinking
I would like to kiss them, if I dared. I
VOL. XII.
took them silently. But she only
smiled again in her pretty, innocent
way and went on talking.
MI did not like to lose them so soon
after I got them. "We only came in
the last stage, but I slipped away from
the others as quickly as I could and
came down here. I always so long to see
the glen. Isn't it the prettiest place
in the mountains?"
My wits floated slowly back. " Yes,
and it is lovelier than ever this season,'
I replied. " There has been anew path
opened through the south pass. If
you like I?I will guide you back that
way."
I did not deem it an impertinent
proposition; it was, in fact, a very
permissible one in the free life of
these mountains?all the same, I dared
not look at her. But almost before
the words left my lips she was tying
on her pretty hat, her eyes sparkling
with delight. From that moment it
was one to me. Through the wonder
ful south pass I wandered with her,
listening enraptured to the sweet girl
voice, stealing mad looks at the fairest
face I bad ever gazed upon?all in
such a daze of blissful, bewildering
passion that, at times, the fancy seized
me that I was, after all, only walking
with poor Glen Mary who might, any
moment, slip away from me.
But the sweet dream was broken
rudely; just as the path verged on
the roadway she turned and looked up
at me.
"Do you know,*'she said, "I think
thero is something very strange about
UiCde mountains? Here I have been
talking with you, a perfect stranger,
as freely as though I had known you
all my life?actually tejling you our
family affairs. Why, you woiild never
know Rebah Wayne, should you meet
her in the city."
.Despite her words she still smiled at
me, but I only stared at her?the little
girl from Chillingworth! Suddenly,
in the light of the astonishing revela
tion, Jack's words came flashing back.
Somehow they Hashed pre-eminent; it
seemed to me. this bewildered mo
ment, that I had been deliberately
doing a wicked thing, acting a base,
mean part to Jack. With only Jack in
my mind, I answered her:
"Yes, freedom between strangers
has been the fashion here always, but
that does not make it proper. Would
it not be as well for you and I to vary
the custom, and be simply strangers
after this?"
The words spoken, I realized my
idiocy; quickly my lips reopened to re
trieve them as best I could. But in
vain; she did not hear me, she would
not listen; a deep flush of anger, of
indignation, quickly followed her first
astonished look, and then?
"As we are,'* she spoke quietly, and
passed on before me. I did not
presume even to follow slowly. Quite
beside myself, I turned and strode back
again through the glen to the outlet
back of the hotel. I was never a ro
the*3W?fI stairvroP^JJ^JflBawKP
sistible impulse
To see my fair Glen Mary, albeit she
frowned at me. To see?Jack, with
rapture in his face, tending down to
the little girl from Chillingworth,
while she upturned the same sweet,
tricksy face I had that day come to
worship!
Never again would it so look at me!
The thought might have frenzied any
man, so suddenly, so madly in love as
L But, instead, I grew more rational;
the sweet face loomed up to calm me,
as I went back to my room. She
would surely pardon me when she
understood; a written explanation
would make matters right between us,
and then?I had as good a chance as
Jack! Because ho was in love with
her it did not at all follow that she
was in love with him. All jubilant, 1
wrote to Rebah Wayne, airing Jack
with an impunity I only regretted was
essential to the case. For what was
Jack to me that moment??that bliss
ful moment I lived and breathed in
her.
Early on the morrow I sent my
letter, and then?I kept away from
her, through the day, impatient as I
was, for I felt that I must give her
time. But, toward evening, all con
fidence, I sti oiled into the saloon. I
had caught a glimpse of her from
without?sitting with Jack again ! It
was all one; Jack, either way, did not
trouble me. I cared not whether the
precious sign she would profTer were
an open hand-stretch in his presence,
or the smile too faint for him to note ;
I only thought to g t it. I strolled
slowly up and past her, gazing eagerly
in her face. She?
She?regarded me as she would
have the veriest stranger in the city's
streets.
There was naught for me but to
return to my room?and write again.
Three successive days I did this, always
with the same result. And yet I was
not dismayed ; I ordered a huge box
of the rarest jacqueminots and sent
them to her with a fourth pleading
n>te. They came back within an hour,
with the scathing line:
" From stranger to stranger such conduct
is quite unpardonable."
Then I began to realize. I was not
acting the part of a gentleman : 1 was
making myself ridiculous. Moreover,
there was a daily growing desire in
my heart to decoy .lack down to Glen
Mary, and drown him in a convenient
pool. The one thing for me was to
relieve the neighborhood of my mad
self. And one near morning I arose
determinedly and slipped away in the
early stage.
Harmless, but madder still; this was
my bitter thought as I stepped from
the train in the hot city. Madder, in
deed, for, in a day's time, I was quite
eager to go back and try agnin I was
planning it even when this bit of wrath
burst on me:
"I have heard of that affair in Glen Mary,
Mordaunt; it slipped from her lips after you
ran away. She did not tell me all, I know:
but you knew her name, and that is enough
for me. You flirted with her, you m .do love
to her, and yon are in love with her now, I'm
bound. And so, as I warned you, I am for
ever Your enemy, Jack."
A bit of wrath at which I only
laughed, which but gave strength to
a determination that needed none, and
which aroused a stronger one. Did
Rebah Wayne love this boy? 1 would
know; at least, she should never
marry him till she had listened to my
fond story, looked deep in my throb
bing soul, and vouched some sort of
answer. How, under the circumstan
ces, to achieve this, I pondered not; I
only planned to get back to the moun
tains that very night.
But the same mail brought business
even a madman might not ignore ; a
week passed ere I traveled again up
the mountain road. The train had
been all too slow for me; the stage
was unendurable, and, at the entrance
to the south pass I.dropped, by an irre
sistible impulse, from the box.
Col M GW?r Jan
The glen had been a weird place to
me always since that grateful day.
Now, as I entered it, the old charm
fell around me; as at other times, I
seemed to hear Glen Mary calling; as ;
at other times, I hastened on, with
beating heart, to keep my tryst with
her. On, under the spell, till
Suddenly I turned a soft-turfed cor
ner and came back to life again. For,
just below on the bank, with her head
resting on her little hand, sat Kebah
Wayne, looking thoughtfully down
into the pool beneath. Alone, with
out Jack, for once! Quickly I forgot
all that was between us; and, with
my mad soul, was hurrying dowa
toward her, when suddenly her own
sweet voice restrained me.
"Ishould have forgiven him right
away," she murmured. "His reasons
were foolish, but I understood them
quite. I think I had?really begun to
?like him then. It is?oh I it is a
dreadful thing, I suppose, for a girl to
say even to these deaf rocks ; but I am
quite sure I love him now; somehow,
since he went away?"
But she did not finish ; ere she could
I was beside her, holding the little
hand in mine and looking up into her
startled face. That only; out of my
full heart, that moment, I could not
speak a word.
She blushed, but she did not take her
hand away ; so eloquent my silent tale;
so plain the soul in my eyes, she never
thought to hide her own.
"I think some one must have been
eavesdropping here," she said, with an
open, fond look at me. And as my
arms drew her to my bosom, 1 felt her
own soft ones stealing around my
neck, and knew she was mine for aye.
Back through the wonderful pass
we wandered, as have many lovers,
blissfully, through paradise. On the
hotel porch I parted with my darling,
and then, for the first time, I thought
of Jack.
What of Jack? In my great happi
ness the old tenderness flowed back to
him. Could it be that there was more
in this than I had dreamed?that the
love of one woman was to make us, as
it had made other men, strangers for
all our lives?
Could he not spare me this one little
girl? A bit drearily my eyes wan
dered down the piazza seeking him,
and?
Suddenly my soul laughed out. For,
in the far corner, I saw a blonde beau
ty of a charming typ3, and, beside,
one toying with her dainty fan, and
gazing,* with uncontrollable rapture,
up into the fair, sweet face.
It was?my enemy, Jack.
A Fight With Starve Robbers.
The recent successful resistance
made by a passenger in a Montana
stage against two highwaymen leads
the Helena XMontana) Independent
to say: Tuesday afternoon's attempted
stage robbery on the main range is the
first affair inMontanasincel8?5 where
any passenger has had enough sand to
jjittempt to stand off road, agents^ For- .
|lteii< j y, -; t> i e jencojmtfi^^^ttes?x**i!
rffifcrmiaated more~n"Sppily for- the ends
of justice than that of 1865. One day
in July, 1865. the treasure coach for
the south left "Virginia City with seven
passengers?A. S. Parker, A" J. Mc
Causland, David Dinan, W. L. Mers,
L. F. Carpenter, Charles Parks and
James Brown. There was a large
amount of treasure on hoard. The
passengers?all hardy mountaineers?
were well armed, principally with
double-barrel shotguns loaded with
buckshot. They expected an attempt
to rob the coach, and determined to
fight. They took turns watching at
the coach windows with guns ready
for quick us?, determined to get the
first shot, if possible, in case of an at
tack. One man also sat by the driver,
Frank Williams, who was afterward
found to have been in with the road
agents.
The second day out from Virginia,
while driving through 1'oint l\Teuf
canon, the man on the box with the
driver sang out: " Boys, here they
are"?he having discovered the barrels
of the road agents' shotguns glimmer
ing in the bushes by the roadside. The
outside watch followed his words of
warning with a hasty shot, almost
simultaneous with which the inside
passengers turned loose on the robbers,
which was answered instantly by a
volley from among the bushes. Parker,
McCausland, Dinan and Mers were
shot dead. Carpenter was hurt in
three places, and only avoided death
by feigning to be dying when one of
the robbers came up for the purpose of
shooting him a second time. Parks
was also apparently mortally wounded,
and was not further molested. Brown,
who was not hurt, jumped into the
bushes and escaped. The driver
(Williams), who had pnrposely driven
the coach into the ambush, was, of
course, untouched. His part in the
robbery was afterward traced home to
him, and although he had left the
Territory he did not escape retribution,
he having been hung by the vigilance
committee at Cherry Creek some
months later.
The road agents who took part in
this butchery were eight in number.
Tliey secured $65,000 in gold, and. so
far as known in Montana, were never
detected.
A Puzzled Engineer.
An eminent engineer of today says
that when a young man in his profes
sion he was one night in a Pennsylva
nia tavern, and a lounger was pretty
much monopolizing the conversation,
and, to the disgust of th.^ engineer,
was setting up as an oracle in en
gineering, among other things. Says
the lounger: " Yes, sir, the arch is all
i fired strong, you bet 1 Take an egg 1
j The shell of that is an arch, and I can
stand an egg on the floor here in such
; a position that you can't break it with
that half bushel measure there, hit as
hard as you will." The young engl
I lit er thought it was time to prick the
bubble, so he bet the fellow $10 fiat
he could smash the egg with the meas
ure, be the position of the egg what it
might, if it was put on the floor un
covered. The egg was brought, and
the lounger at once stood it on the
floor in the corner of the room. The
engineer did not even try to fit a round
measure into a square corner, but
threw down his money and left; but
he hated barroom wiseacres worse
than ever.
" Why," said a defeated candidate,
"am I "like the earth?" "Because,"
said a listener, "you are covered with
dirt.'' "Wrong; guess again." "Be
cause you are always 'round." "Wrong,
tiy another." "Because you are
wicked." " Try again." " Give it up.
Why are you?" "Well, it's because
I'm flattened at the poles."?Merchant
Traveler.
In spite of 300 lifeboats and 29S
rocket stations, about 1,000 lives were
lost on the British coasts in a year.
OKANGEBUKG, S.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES.
Keady lor the Shock.
"I am a cautious man," said Mr,
Slowboy, " and rarely place myself in
danger without taking great precau
tions," and he lifted out of his wagon
a dry goods box and a brass kettle.
"I came out here to see a match three
weeks ago," the old man explained,
"and during the game a red-hot ball
right from the bat struck me like a
cannon-shot between the eyes, bent
my spectacles double, broke both
glasses, disarranged my ideas, ob
structed my view of the game and
knocked" me down. Then the catcher
and short-stop ran together and stood
on me and jumped up to catch the
ball, and when they came down they
both kicked me for getting in the way
and making them miss that foul.
And now I have brought,along this
dry goods box to sit in and this brass
kettle to wear on my head."
And placidly, safely, but a little
warm withal, he saw the game clear
through.?Burlington Hawkeye.
A Dndo in the Wild West.
The car was full and I pre-empted
a seat on the rear platform. Inside
were miners bound for Carbonate, a
drummer, one lady, and a something
that we all decided was a dude. Once
in a while the train would be lost
amid coney pines, and then through a
gap in the trees would be caught an
Eden-like glimpse of the disappearing
park. There were innumerable shades
of green beside the track; the bril
liancy of grass and the almost black of
the forest. Even the dude showed an
interest. " No paintah, aw, could do
this thing, ye know, aw." The lan
guage of the dude was not particularly
Hop, but his head was level. However,
he got knocked completely out of time
further on. The train stopped at a
neat cottage painted brown. In the
door was a rosy-cheeked maiden, lean
ing in unconscious grace upon her
broom.
"Aw, me guhrl, don't ye get lone
some, ye know, aw, way tip heah?'' he
ventured, with a smile that trespassed
on the back of his neck. The girl
seemed astonished for a moment and
then, looking over her shoulder, called:
" Pap, pap! the Dime Museum monkey
is loose! Kill it and get its clothes."
The dude seemed to shrink, and noth
ing could induce him to open his
mouth from that point to the journey's
end.?Denvtr News,
Lord Dew-drop's Precept h.
When the triangle had sounded the
call to order and the rattling of many
hoofs had ceased, Lord .lohn Dew drop
arose and offered the club the use of
the following at very reasonable rates:
" Doaa' saw off the handles of your
wheelbar'er to keep a naybur from
borrowin' it."
"De man who loses his temper will
be sartinto lose his friends."
" If it wasn't fur goslins dar' would
be no geese. Gin a boy a chance to be
-?sr^Osfin^ei'r erpee?h* him .to_be a
"An egotist am a man,.on stilts."
Let him alone an* he ,atn sartin to
come down^-* "
"Befo' praisin' de philanthropy of
de man who has donated a site for an
orphan asylum try and diskiber if his
wife isn't doing de kitchen work to
save de expense of a hired gal."
"De man who has no friends to
speak well of am a man tobe avoided."
"Be guided in your outlay by what
you kin afford?not by what your
naybur brings home."
"Truth am mighty, but use it in
small doses in criticising de acta of
your friends."
" De peacock may make a fine dis
play of colors, but when it comes
down to selecting something solid
aoan' oberlook de gander. He's de
same all the way frew, an' you allus
know whar to find him."
" De man who draps his wallet to
test de honesty of de public shouldn't
give hisself away by advertisin' a re
ward an' no queshuns axed."
On motion of Pickles Smith the club
accepted the above, at thirty per cent,
of their face value, and the amount
was passed to Lord John's credit on
the cash book.?Lime-Kiln Club.
The Bnd Hoy.
" What, did your pa get a black eye?
I hadn't heard about that,'' said the
grocery man, giving the had boy a
handful of unbaked peanuts to draw
him out. " Didn't get to fighting, did
he?"
"No, pa don't fight. It is wrong,
lie says, to light, unless yon ar?i sure
you can whip the fellow, and pa al
ways gets whipped, so he quit fight
ing. You see, one of the deacons in
our church lives out on a farm, and all
his folks were going away to spend the
Fuiirth, and he had to do all the
chores, so he invite;! pa and ma to
come out to the farm and have a nice
quiet time, and they went. There is
nothing pa likes bitter than to go out
on a farm, and pretend he knows
everything. When the farmer got pa
and ma out there he set them to work,
and ma shelled peas while pa went
to dig potatoes for dinner. I think it
was mean for the deacon to send pa
out in the cornfield to dig potatoes,
and after he had dug up a whole row
of corn without finding any potatoes,
to set the dog on pa; and tree him in
an apple tree near the bee hives, and
then go and visit with ma and leave
pa in the tree with the dog barking at
him. 1'a said he never knew how
mean a deacon could he until he had
sat on a limb of that apple tree all the
afternoon. About time to do chores
the farmer earne and found pa and
called the dog off, and pa came down,
and then the fanner played the mean
est trick of ail. He said city people
didn't know how to milk cows, and pa
said he wished he had as many dollars
as he knew how to milk cows. He
said his spechulty was milking kicking
cows, and the fanner gave pa a tin
pail and a milking-stool, and let down
the bars, and pointed out to pa ' the
worst cow on the place.' Pa knew his
reputation was at stake, and he went
up to the cow and punched it in the
Hank and said, 'Hist, confound
you.' Well, tin cow wasn't a
histing cow, but a histing bull, and pa
knew it was a bull as quick as he see
it put down its head and heller, and pa
dropped the pail and stool ami started
for the bars and the bull after pa I
don't think it was right in ma to bet
two shillings with the farmer that pa
would get to the bars before the bull
did, though she won the bet. Pa said
he knew it was a bull just as sion as
the horns got tangled up in his coat
tail, and when he struck on the other
side of the bars and his nose hit the ash
barrel where they make lye for soap,
pa said he saw more fireworks than we
did at the Soldiers' home. Pa wouldn't
celebrate any more, and he came home,
after thanking the farmer for his
courtesies, but he wants me to borrow
a gun and go out with him hunting.
We are going to shoot a bull and a dog
and some bees, maybe '.we :will shoot
the farmer, if pa keeps on as mad as
mad as he is now."?Peck's Sun.
Lady Itliilcnhcy'M Revenge.
" Give me the bandoline."
The soft, mellow tinkle of hells came
floating over the hills and dales to the
Lady Cecil Mulcahey that June even
ing, as she stood before.the glass in her
boudoir, beautiful articles of virtu,
choice bits of fancy work and all >tha
new corn remedies that were scattered
around in graceful contusion giving
to the room an air of refined beauty
that one so seldom seep, outside the
precincts of Naples or Kj>komo.
"I'es, Madame," - replied Nanette
Stiggins, the French fehime de cham
bre, handing her mistress the required,
article. " And does Madame wish her
vinaigret?"
"2s'o," replies LadyTCectl, a cold,
cynical smile passing triff -her features
a* she speaks. "Lord,1Reginald de
Courcey Short will'yet rue the day on
which he laughed my: apple pie to
scorn," she continued, speaking softly
to herself, " and told.nwwith a cruel
sneer on his lips, thatr he would, ere
the ruddy glow of autu&n faded into
the snowy whitenets jjE winter, wed
simple Ruth Redihg?te; the humble
cotter's daughter. He .may think I
have forgotten his words, that I have
choked away the grim wolf of despair
that has baengnawing^nfy heart, but
time shall teach him better?shall
bring home to himj with terrible,
crushing force the truth that hell hath
no fury like a woraan'sj--corns?like a
woman scorned, I inean"?and with a
twirl of her taper fingers she chucked
the powder puff deftly, into its box and
began a long, weary . search, for the
hairbrush.
Ruth Redingote and Reginald Short
are walking arm-jn-arm down the
principal thoroughfare and, as the gas
light falls with fitful flicker upon the,
pure young face of tlie>girl, her com
panion looks down to her with a
smile. Reginald thinks, " as he gazes
fondly upon her, that'there is none so
fair as this woman, none that
could so securely bindr his heart in the
silken fetters of a pure, noly affection.
And so, feeling thus, it seems to him
that he cannot do* too much for her,
cannot make his yiel.ling to her every
wish too plain. And.so, bending over
11 er, his bright young lace aglow with
the kindly light of a deep affection, he ,
asks her if there is anything she would
like?any delicacy in the brilliantly
lighted windows that environ them on
every side.
" Yes," answers Ruth, a pleased look
in her deep, luminous eyes, "I would
like something."
"What is it, darling?0'and as he
speaks the 1ost word a bright crimson
blush suffuses the,glrl's cheeks.v
She hesitates an instant, and then, in
clear, ringing tones, copie forth the
words:
"Lemon pie!"
thti night a'r. ; Reginald turns hastily,
and there, before him, more beautiful
than ever, stands the Lady Mulcahey.
"Lemon pie!" she hisses fiercely.
" And this is your chosen bride?you
who are so cultured and refined. My
vengeance is satisfied," and with an
other mocking laugh she flees away
into the darkness.?Chicago Tribune,
A Baby ou the Battlefield.
The Martinsburg (W. Va.) corre
spondent of the Wheeling Intelligencer
relates the following siory: "Almost
every family and individual here has
some bit of romance in connection with
the late war. To-day at a musicale, to
which I was kindly invited. I met a
lady whose talents as a musician and
whose remarkable beauty had attracted
my attention. She possessed that rare
type of prettiness that is wholly South
ern. Great, deep blue eyes, the face
perfect in every feature, hair rich in
its abundance and wonderful in its
tint This is her story: Twenty years
ago, when the tide of battle in long,
bloody waves swept over the terrible
field of Manassas, a baby girl was left
an orphan on the battle-ground. Dur
ing the changes of the fateful day the
home of tbe blue-eyed girl was at one
time directly between the fire of both
armies. As the first shots whistled
above the house the parents started to
flee for a place of refuge. A dozen
yards from the door both were shot
down, and the baby, an orphan, with
out sister or brother, was alone in the
world. The battle ragei on, dead and |
dying were everywhere, but the baby
was unharmed. The day wore away,
and just as the sun's last rays, half
hidden in the curling smoke, sadly
kissed the earth good-night, General
Jubal Early, riding by, heard the
ba y's cries. He dismounted, and,
taking the little waif up, cared for it
until he could place it under the care
of his sisters. They watched it through
its infantile years, giving it an educa
tion and a world of love, and now that
baby, grown to womanhood, lovely and
accomplished, the pet of a large circle
of friends who call her ' Waif,' is the
sole support of these two women, sis
ters of the confederate general. She
talked to me modestly, y< t gracefully,
of her early years, and her beautiful
eyes filled with tears as she spoke of
her two old friends. If I should write
her name it would not be a strange
one here, for all the city knows Miss
Ida Henry."
Sparrows on Toast.
A popular French cook of this city
who knows something about sparrows
says the new law should be hailed
with delight by all good livers. The
sparrow, he says, is not only good to
eat, but is really a great dehvacy, and
in France nothing enjoys greater pop
ularity aim ng gourmands than the
sparrow when properly prepared in pot
pie or fricassee on toast, it is a secret
of the American kitchen that young
sparrows have not infrequently done
good service in the seasons when the
tender and succulent reed bird has
been less plentiful than usual. A well
broili d young sparrow is easily mis
taken for a Delaware reed bird. All
this, to the French cook's idea, is
worth considering when the slaughter
of the little birds really commences, if
it ever does, and he thinks that if the
little pests must go they may as well
be put into the broiling pans of the
kitchen as to be thrown away.?Phil
adelphia Record.
Doctors.
The proportion of doctors to popu
lation is given as follows by the Sigh
medico :
Fr.nce.2D1 per 10.003
Germany.y*21 "
A-.Blria.S*41 "
?njiand. G "
Hungary. i^IO "
Ita?y..?10 "
Switzerland. 7'0G "
Dnitod States.16-24 "
AUGUST 16, 1883.
REMARK AULE ME.V.
TlicVornclon? l'olo and the Very Greatest
of Enters?Pelcr, the Wild Boy-The
First Living Skeleton?.! Mnn of Wonder
fnt Memory.
Among people who have become re- 1
markablc by their differing from the
ordinary run of humanity, Charles '
Domery, called "The Voracious Pole,"
excited" great wonder in his day. lie
enlisted in the French service, and
was captured by the English in 1799
and immured in a Liverpool prison.
When in camp, if bread and meat
were scarce he made up the deficiency
by eating four or five pounds of grass
daily. In one year he devoured and
skinned 17-i cats, dead and alive.
When very hungry he did not wait to
kill them before eating. He also ate
dogs and rats, and even their entrails
if food was scarce. When the ship
surrendered on which he was on board,
finding nothing to eat but a man's leg
that had been shot off, he-began to eat
it, when a sailor snatched it from him
and threw it overboard.
In the Liverpool prison, although
double rations were allowed him, he
devoured everything he could get from
the other prisoners, and would even
swallow their medicines. He daily ate
raw a bullock's liver, three pounds of
candles and several pounds of raw
beef, and all that they would give him
of beer or water. His stomach re
volted at nothing and retained every
thing. The doctors, wishing to try
how muc'.i he could eat in one day,
tested him. At 4 in the morning he
broke his fast by eating four pounds of
cow's udder raw. During the day,
which was hot, and his appetite poor,
he consumed in all: cow's udder, four
pounds; raw beef, ten pounds; candles,
two pounds, and five bottles of porter.
He restrained his appetite on this test
occasion because the other prisoners
frightened him by telling him the doc
tors were going to experiment upon
him.
The greatest eater that ever lived
existed in the days of old Parr, in the
beginning of lb'OO. His name was
Nicholas Wood, of the county of
Kent. One of the writers of the time
says:
"He did eat with ease a whole sheep,
and that raw at one meal; at another
time thirty dozen of pigeons. At Sir
William Sedley's banquet he did eat as
much as would suffice for thirty men.
At Lord Watton's, at one meal, he
did eat four score and four rabbits.
On one occasion he devoured eighteen
yards of black pudding. He made an
end of a whole pig at once, and after it
three pecks of damsons. At another
time he ate six penny loaves, three six
penny veal pies, one pound of butter,
one good big dish of thornback, and
a peck loaf in the space of an hour."
Neither of these men were of ex
traordinary size, nor in other respects
were they different-from other indi
viduals.
??'Old Boots" was. aniObject_or_ciirir
~J^^k?$3$ l?st^ce?^y: He waCv
bootblack and 'servantTlt a"h inn Iri
Rlpon, Yorkshire, and was called
" Old Boots of Itipon." His nose and
chin v/ere so long and so close together
that he could easily hold a piece of
money between thorn, and visitors
were usually so tickled at the oddity
of the feat that they seldom failed to
witness it, and customers thronged
from far and near to 3ee "Old Boots."
Peter, the wild boy, was found in
1725, in a forest near Hanover, walk
ing on his hands and feet, climbing
trees like a squirrel?nude, and feed
ing on grass and moss. With difficulty
he was caught and taken to Zell, Han
over. He was undoubtedly a human
being, and was supposed to be about
thirteen years of age, but could not
speak, consequently no information
could be obtained from him as to how
he came to be living among wild beasts.
After several times escaping to the
woods, Peter, as they named him, was
taken to England and exhibited. He
had hardly any ideas, could scarcely he
induced to wear clothes, and would
not sleep in a bed, hut slept crouched
in a corner, which led to the supposi
tion that he had always slept in a tree
for security against wild beasts. He
could never be taught to converse,
though he would get out a few words.
George I. gave him a pension, and
placed him with a farmer to live.
Peter was a giant for strength, though
his height was only five feet. He ac
quired many civilized habits, such as
overweening fondness for liquor. He
was of a gentle disposition, notwith
standing the savagery of his early life,
but could never he induced to notice
the fair sex. He died at the supposed
age of seventy-three. How a human
b.'ing came thus deserted in the woods
has ever remained a mystery.
The very first living skeleton, and
from whom all. subsequent ones take
th' ir name, was (.'laude Sowrat, horn
in France in" 1797. He was tall, and
would have been well shaped had there
been any flesh on him, but every hone
in his body could be seen. His arms
were compared to an ivory fiute, and
the abdomen seemed to cling to the
vertebrae. He made a fortune by ex
hibiting himself, and went to his na
tive place to enjoy it, but suddenly ex
pired soon after his retirement.
The first professional corn-cutter on
I re?ord was named Hardman.
During the reign of William III.
I London swarmed with adventurers j
from Holland. Among them was
Hardman. lie called himself a
chiropodist, and by the singularity of
his dress, and the airs and elegance he
affected soon attracted attention. lie
became patronized by the great, and
even operated on the toes of the king
himself. He amassed wealth and live I
in splendor.
A man named Maglinbechi w:ts
possesed of an extraordinary memory,
lie win born in Italy, in 1633.
His parents were so poor that they
were glad to have him engaged as
errand-boy to a grccer. He could not
read, yet was always poring over the
old leaves of hooks used as waste-paper
by his employer. A Ivok-seller know
I Ing the hoy could not read asked him
what he meant by staring at the
printed paper. He said he did not
kn w, hut would only he happy if he
could live with him w!:o had always
so many books. The book-sell: r em
ployed him. He soon learned to read,
und what was m ist remarkable he read
In every language, never having b.-en
(aughtany. Iiis extraordinary appl'ca
tiou, remarkable talents and prodigious
memory made him famous. Va was
Appointed librarian to the Cardinal de
Medici. He rt ad every thing indiscrim
inately, and reta'ntd not only the
I cense * but the words, and even the
manner of spelling. Magliabechi grew
so renowneJ lor the vast extent of his
reading and his amazing memory that
the learned u.ually consulted him
when they were writing on any sub
ject. If a priest was going to write
the life of a saint he would request
llagliabechi's assistance as to refer
Mut
ences. The librarian would tell him
?? uo had said anything about that par
ticular saint, and name certain au
thors, giving sometimes as many as a
hundred, naming the hooks, the words,
and the very number of the page. He
did this so frequently and so exactly
that he came to be looked upon as an
oracle. The Grand Duke Casino III.
made him his librarian. One day the
grand duke sent for him, and asked
him if ho could get him a book that
was particularly scarce. " No, sir," he
replied, "it is impossible, for there is
but one in the world. That is in the
grand signior's library at Constanti
nople, and is the seventh book on the
second shelf, on the right hand as you
go in."
What Petroleum Killed.
In the prosperous days of New Lon
don, Conn., as many as six whalers
used to came in one day to that port.
They had made voyage? of two, three,
and even five years. Six whalers would
enter the harbor together, cash striving
to come in first. "When the anchor
was let go from the side of the first
ship to get in a boat was lowered and
the burly captain was set ashore.
Everybody shook hands with the cap
tain, and to each shake he replied with
a grip that would have pulverized an
English walnut.
This was in the golden years of
1848,18*11 and 18M\ Prices were high
and sales quick, both for oil and bone,
and the voyage afforded splendid
" lays," as the whalemen said. Even
the dark-faced Portuguese, the Gotv/a
los and Petros, had for their share $100
or $200 in gold !
At that time Beach, lira Hey and
Porter street were nothing more than
rows of boarding houses and saloons
for sailors. All nationalities were rep
resented at the carousals. There were
Portuguese, Kanaka*, Chinamen, Mexi
cans, negroes, mulattoes, red Indians,
Lascars and Norwegians. Money was
poured upon the bar and no change
was asked for. Gold was only gold
while it was being spent. The New
London of that time was full of fat
negresses in pink and yellow gowns
and wearing monstrous earrings and
breastpins. Fights were'common, and
then sheath knives flashfJ? above the
heads of the motley * merrymakers.
Jealousy, inflamed by drink, was the
usual cause of these affrays. The pro
prietor of the dance-house would
soothe hi3 customers into decorum by
caressing their skulls with the sword
of a swordlish or with an island war
club which some native had one day
pawned for drink.
The return of these richly laden
ships (and the fleet was then so large
that one whaler came in weekly while
another went out) always brought
prosperity to the commercial world of
New London. But whales became
scarce. Thi? was the result of the in
discriminate slaughter which the
whalemen had made. Before long pe
troleum was discovered. The market
soon dropped to a point that rendered
further succepsfid?jyjj^^
cnWt^^efc^Tsiflp sallsoutof the port
of New London now, and but few
schooners are engaged in sea-elephant
and fur-seal fisheries. The great lieft
of ships, having ou'lived their useful
ness, laid their bones during the rebel
lion at the bottom of Charleston and
other Southern harbors. I
How Tacks are Made.
The iron is received from the rolling
mills in sheets from three inches to
twelve inches wide, and from three
feet to nine feet in length, the thick
ness varying, according to the kind of
work into which it is to 1 e made,
from one-eighth to one-thirty-second of
an inch. These sheets are all cut in
thirty-inch pieces, ami by immersion
in acid cleaned of the hard outside
flinty scale. They are then chopped
into strips of a width corresponding
to the length of the nail or tack re
quired. Supposing the tack to be cut
is an eight-ounce carpet tack, the strip
of iron, as chopped and ready for the
machine, would be about eleven-six
teenths of an inch wide and thirty
inches long. This piece is placed firmly
in the feeding apparatus, and by this
arrangement carried between the
knives of the machine. A teach revolu
tion of the balance wheel the knives
cut off a small piece from the end of
the plate. The piece cut off is pointed
at one end and square for forming the
head at the other. It is then carried
between two dies by the action
of the knives, and these dies
coming together form the body of the
tuck under tlio head. Enough of the
iron projects beyond the face of the
dies to form the head, and while held
firmly by them, a lever strikes the pro
jecting piece iato a round head. This,
as we have said before, is all done
during one revolution of the wheel
and the knives, as soon as the tack
drops from the machine, are ready to
cut off another piece. These machines
are run at the rate of about 250 revolu
tions per minute. The shoe-nail
nuvhine, for cutting headless shoe
nails, are run at about 500 revolutions
per minute, and cut from three to five
nails at e^eh revolution.
French Funerals.
TJic law on religious and civil fun
erals, which has just been finally voted
by the French senate, provides that
the last wishes of every individual as
to what ceremonies shall or shall not
be used when his or her body is laid to
rest shall be fully respected. If the
intentions of the deceased are disputed,
the decision r< sts with the judge de
paix, from whom an appeal lies to a
higher court, anil this judgment is
final. The last will or other written
testimony shall be the only admissible
evidence, and both courts must decide
within twenty-four hour.J. The penal
sanctions of the law are very strin
gent; any minister of religion who dis
obeys the order of a court is liable to a
year's imprisonment for the first of
fense and to five for the second, and it
is presumed that those who unlawfully
withhold religious rites will be visited
with the same penalties. Civil?that
is, non-religious?funori?s have of late
greatly increased in Paris, in April,
1881, the percentage was seventeen; in
April, 1S82. it was twenty-one,- and
last February it had risen to twenty
four.? Pall Mall Gazette.
A Cool Vocation.
A young man stepped into the ex
press ollice, and the manager, suc
cumbing to the universal custom,
asked:
"Does this weather suit you?"
"Very well," replied the young
man.
"I thought you would find it ex
ceedingly warm," said the manager.
"Oh, no," replied the young man;
" I get a cool reception everywhere I
go."
Tho young man was a collector?
Columbus {Ca.) Sun.
JSTO. 25.
? jn-iw i ?
SAILORS' SUPERSTITIONS.
."Mnrtnr-rn' Ken-on* for Believing Certain
Thing)* L'nlneky.
The prevalent idea that superstition
exists only among the very ignorant is
far from true ; yet with the saiior su
perstition seems to 1)3 inborn. Let
one attempt to deny Jack's theory
about "Davy Jones' locker," ?n the
bottom of the sea, and he will be met
with strong, if not convincing, argu
ment that lie is mistaken. Davy
Jones is credited with having many
set laws, Which, though they may be
unwritten, must be rigidly observed.
To go to sea on Friday, the earning of
dead bodies at sea, the killing of a
cat, the harming of one of " Mother
Carey's chickens," the dropping of a
water-bucket overboard while wash
ing down decks, are believed to be
offenses for which Davy Jones will
demand satisfaction either by the sacri
fice of one man, or the pulling of a ship
and its entire crew into his locker.
The carrying of a corpse on the
ocean longer than it is necessary to
sew it up in canvas with heavy
weights to insure its sinking below
the depths which fishes frequent,
will cause a panic among a ship's
crew. The killing of a eat on hoard a i
vessel is thought extremely unlucky,
an I woe to the person who should be
found guilty of such an a-t. A naval
vessel on a voyage fiom I'era to New
York, by wny of the Straits of Ma
gellan, had on board an ill-tempered
and get.erally disreputable cat which
no one had any love for. This animal
mysteriously disappeared one night
after the vessel left Valparaiso, and
though one of the firemen wa3 sus
pected, the proof coull not be ob
tained. For the remainder of the voy
age the captain and several of the
other officers, as well as .all of the
sailors, predicted the vessel would
surely be lost. They daily watched
for the king of the mighty deep to ap
pear and demand satisfaction for the
crime; yet the ve sei reached the
New York navy yard after a remark
ably pleasant voyage throughout In
this case the wives and sweethearts
who had longingly waited for three
years for the ship's return were given
the credit of hauling on her (imag
inary) line and bringing her safely
past Davy Jones' minions.
There is scarcely a sailor who does
not verily bilieve that it is unlucky to
go to sea on Friday, yet it has been
asserted that the masters of some of
our big steamships would as soon sail
on Friday as on any other day. Yet
the records of Fridays do not support
the assertion and this can bo seen by
anybody who will peruse theshipnews
column of the Saturday's papers. Let
one go around among the officers of
the many steamship lines and see if he
will find any whose vessels regularly
sail on Friday. Only a few weeks ago
one of the large ocean steamships
steamed away from her pier in? New^
York on Friday and * anchored*"'in
to starting on a Voyage on Friday. The
"ocean tramp" steamship Rhiinindda,
which was wrecked on the Nova
Scotian coast, sailed from New York
on the previous Friday. This supersti
tion seems to prevail in yachting
circles as well, and the question was
asked a few days ago, " When was
there ever a yacht regatta on Friday?"
Regattas do sometimes occur on that
day, however, but it is seldom.
Jack has many curious ideas. For
instance, if the moon has sharp horns
it betokens fine weather, and if it is
lying on its back with both horns up
bad weather is at hand. Again:
" Whontho sun sots in a silver bell,
An easterly wind is as suro as-"
When one of Mother Carey's ohick
ens, or stormy petrels, is seen near the
ship a storm is approaching, for these
birds are rarely seen in fair weather.
It is a forecastle notion that the petrel
is so named from St. Peter, on account
of its running with closed wings over
the surface of the waves. This brought
to mind the walking of St. Peter upon
the water, and the sailors think the
bird was therefore called " petrel," as
a sort of diminutive of the apostle's
name. These birds have been known
to follow a vessel during a storm for
many days, apparently with neither
food nor rest, and without Happing
their wings. If one of these little
birds should be swept aboard in a
great storm, as is frequently the case,
no sailor will touch it.
The dolphin and porpciso are un
welcome to the sailor when they sud
denly appear during a calm, and, i'
they skip about, a severe gide is ex
pected. If sharks follow a ship for
several days it means that a death i:i
to occur. Any one who has seen the
haddock must have noticed a mark on
each of the gills. This, sailors assert,
was made by St. Peter with his finger
and thumb when he took the tribute
money out of the mouth of the fish.
This perhaps accounts for the belie!5
of Scotchmen that it is the "richest"
fish that was ever put on the table.
The most superstitious sailors are the
.Scandinavians, who believe in the ex
istence of Neck, a merman, having
the head of a man and the ilowing
ringlets of a girl. Neck, wearing a
red cap, sits upon the waves and plays
upon the harp. His melody is so at
tractive that sailors become charmed
by it, and in this way many have per
ished. The Norwegians are firm be
lievers in the " kraken,'' a monster
devil-fish, whose body is over a mile
long, only to be found in the deepest
waters. It feeds upon fishes and de
vours whole schools at a t ine. Fisher
men who have mistaken it for an
islaml, and taken refuge upon its back,
have been drowned in the whirlpool
made by the sudden sinking of the
monster.?New 3 ork Tribune.
The Guinea Cows.
Lowndes county, (Ja., is the home of
the diminutive guinea cows, as they
are now called, though that was not
the first name of the breed. It is a
disputed point whether or not the orig
inal stock was brought from Minorca,
but the breed was undohutedly per
fected by the late Colonel .Stapler, who
before the war was a man of large
wealth and kept open house on a fine
estate near Valdosta. It was his idea
to breed a race of cows suited to that
region?scant feeders of small size, do
cile, hardy and wide rangers. "He
succeeded," says the Atlanta Constitu
tion, " in getting an admirable little
animal that could live on the native
pasturage of the pine barrens and stand
any sort of exposure. It averages
thirty-five inches in height, has an im
mense bag, is as gentle as a dog, and
asks but little other food than what it
picks up. For years it was known as
the Stapler cow, and it was dubbed the
?guinea' after some of his herd had
been sold."
special requests.
L All chances in advertisements must
reach us on Friday.
2. In writing to tiiis office on business
always givo your name and postoffice ad
dress.
3. Articles for publication should-bo writ
ten in a clear, legible hand, and ou only on*
side of the page.
4 Business letters and communication*",
to be published s hould bo written on 6eparatd
sheets, and the object of each clearly in
dicated by necessary noto when required. .
job i?RiJSTnx&
DONE WITH NEATNESS AND DISPATCH
TERMS CASH.
THE GOOD VHFE'S PHILOSOPHY
The good wife bustled about the house,
Her face still bright with a pleasant smile
As broken snatches of happy song
Strengthened hor heart and hand the while
The good man sat in tho chimney nook,
His little clay pipe within his lips,
And all he'd mado and all ho had lost,
Beady and clear on his finger tips.
?Good wife, I've just been thinking a bit,
Nothing has do:io very well' this yoar;"
Money is bound ta be hard to got?
Everything is bound to bo very dear;
How the cattle are going to bo fad,
How we're to keep tho boys at school,
Is kind of a debt o.ud credit sum
: I can't mako balance by my rule."
She turned her head around from tho baking
bread,
And she faced him with a cheerful laugh;
"Why, husband, dear, one would think ? .
That tho good, rich wheat was only chaff
And what if tho wheat was only chaff,
As long as wo both are well aud strong:
I'm not a woman to "orry a bit,
Somehow or other we get along.
"Into somo lives some rain must fall,
Over all lands tho storm must beat,
Bat when the rain and storm aro o'er
The after-sunshine is twice as sweet
Through every straight wo have found a road,
In every grief wo have found a Fong;
We have had to boar, and had to wait,
But somehow o:: other wo got along.
" For thirty years wo have loved each other,
Stood by each other whatero: befell;
Six boys have called us father and mother,
And all of thom living, and doing well.
We owe no man a penny, my dear,
We're both of us loving, and well and
strong.
Good man, I wish-you would smoko again,
And think how well we've got along."
He filled his pipe with a pleasant laugh; |
He kissed his wife with a tender prido;
He said: "I'll do as you toll ma, love,
I'll just count up on tho other side."
She loft him then with his bottor thought,
And lifted her work with a low, sweet
song?
A song that followed mo many a year,
Somehow or oth er, wo get along.
HUMOROUS.
Toe mule is apt to be behind in his-s
ousiness.
A master of free-hand drawing?A
pickpocket.
The turn of the " tied"?Starting
homeward after the wedding trip.?
Derrick.
Seeing a carriage full of belles and
beaux drive by, Aminadab remarked i
that that reminded him of a load of
wooed.?Marathon Independent. j(
Glove contests aro not unknown to >
the fair sex. Did you ever see a young/
lady putting on a tight pair of kids
while the last bellis tolling for church,
'Sundaymorr'.in;5?-^i?o;;2e ncntind..
The New York paper;-; insist that
the D^Jn John L.. Sullivan's nam
filfl...uii^Trer--:
is for Love, "for ~" Love levels
all."?Boston Bulletin.
Flies have their uses. Their persist
ency in lighting on unprotected noses
I lessens the amount of piano practice
in summer time, when all the win
' dows are open_Philadelphia News.
j A well-known llorist says that
flowers will keep better wrapped in
' a wet newspaper than in any other
! way. This is another argument in
I favor of subscribing.?WindAam Coun
j ty Sunbeam.
j It's Lowell who a3ks, "What is so
: rare as a day in June?" is it not
Well, now. if he had only stopped
i think a minute, he might have kn
that the 29th of February was t?d
swer to the riddle.?Harvard L
! poon.
I A cucumber five feet long is exl
ited at New Orleans. It isn't skj
counts in a cucumber, howev
little, stubby fellow, three by
, inches, has proven enough to ex1
an ordinary-sized stomach to an acher.
?Pittsburg Telegraph.
I A collector wrote to General Shcr
: man for his autograph and a lock of
; his hair, and received in reply: "Tho
J man who has b^er- writing jny auto
i graphs has been discharged, and as my
i orderly is bald i cannot comply with
j either of your requests."
I Recently, when a handsome young
woman went to a shop to get onc-of,
those wooden contrivances that are
used for mashing potatoes, and said:
I "I want a masher," every man in the
shop, from the cashier to the manager,
started up to wait on her.
(f? " Satira Jane," said a fond mother
the other morning to her daughter,
"did Daniel Johnson kiss you on the
steps last night?" " Xo, mamma, ho
did not.*' If the fond parent had said
mouth instead of steps, it would have
troubled Jane to reply: although, after
all, steps are tilings to a door.?Boston
Courier.
"What is this man charged with?"
asked his honor of a police oflicer in
the Tombs police court yesterday as
Paddy Duffy was arraigned at the bar.
" With whisky, your honor, 1 believe,"
answered the olliccr, with n smile.
" We'll send him to the island until
ht's discharged," answered his honor.
?New York Journal.
"Save the Sweetest Kiss for Mother''
is the title id' the latest new song. The
iiuthor evidently overlooks the fact
that the young man's precious time is
so completely occupied in paying Ids
respects to the daughter that I he old
lady stands a mighty slim chance of
getting any kiss at all.?'Sold Leaf.
A Pennsylvania man has obtained
the cradle in which he wasrockf.il as
a baby and the cradle which he swung
in the harvest field as a youth. All
he needs now, to set up a museum of
old memories, is the -witeh his mother
used to lick him with, and the switcli
his wife had on when he married her.
?Burlington Fn e Press.
W0NDB0US WISE.
There w.is a mr.'i in our town,
And ho wa< wondrous wUe :
For when he marked Ii s | rice-: d iwn,
Ho then di 1 advert se.
And when ho saw hi i trade in-ro ise,
With all his might and main
He marked b ill lower ovo y price,
And advertised agato.
?Detroit I'.tc Press.
THAT DBEA.DFOL DOCTOB. _/
Ho warns us in eating, he w.r n; us sn dririC
ing,
Ho warns us in reading and writing and
thinking:
He warns us in foo -ball, foot-:ace, eight*
oar "stroking,"
He warns us in dancing and cigarette smok
ing;
Ho warns us in taking chnmpagao and
canooing,
He warns us in wearing rod socks and .-ham
pooing;
Ho warns us?of drains?In our snug coun
try quarters:
He warns us?of fev.?r?in mire al waters.
Ho warns us ia?everything morial may
mention. ?
But?wha t gi vts rise
To but little surprise
Nobody pays him tho slightest attention!
?London Punch..