Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

' ^ !*. . " * ^ NTJMfeKR 13. ^ ? |^>|| li'Mii i p II BI i, IWWHB mmm III iKeay '!, (. i?--ninufa*-w?iii**M-M-) I n I n II I I I ! Showing the Uses of the 'Modern Statesman-^ Our Dudl Sees His Way Clear til a CKoiee Between Two Frauds. Washington, D. C., Mar. 8. I have sccu a great light, as they say at Methodist camp-mcctings. As Grant wrote to "Ncwcomb, Easton and Smith," af St. Louis, during the Gratz Brown campaign in 1870, 1 have been "enabled to see my way clear." 1 shall support the administration of the fraudulent President. 1 shall acquiesce in the verdict of Bradley. I ahull hail J. Madison Wells and Eliza Piukaton as martyrs and canonize thent as saints. For mine eyes havo seen and mine cars have lieard the glory of the opposition of Blaine. 9Jp to yesterday aud to-day 1 had been full of the gall of bitterness toward the men who had stolen our Presidency ; full of the fiorceness of resentment against the man who had accepted the stolen property at their hands; .and full of the aqua fortis of contempt for <hfl rmsillnnimitv nf thn?n rirrhl.ful - r j ? ? """" "t iths Democrats, who had stood quietly and tallowed their pockets to be rifled without %ren jo much as an able bodied remonstrance. But now I am at rest. Having ilearned itbat Blaiuo was really, actually and an .fact at war with Mr. Hayes, I hasten to .assure<tke latter of my distinguished consideration, and to congratulate him upon his great luek. No other possible conjuncture-could have made his tenure of the Presidenoy evoa tolerable iu the eyes of rcspcotable people. I have heretofore remarked that Hayes was a lucky dog. That ho seemed in truth? "A favorit of Fate, ia Fortune's lap caressed." That honors and emoluments have fallen upon him like ripe apples from the tree.? That he seemed to have been singled out by God Almighty as a living testimony unto all men of the omnipotence of Good Luck! And all that sort of thing. But no stroke of luck that ever descended upon his head bears any comparison?not even the remotest or the far-fctohcdest?to that stroke which fell in the Scnato yesterday when Blaine declared war on the new Southern policy of Hayes. All the other pieces of good luck which have befallen Hayes bear the same rolation to this ouo that the sputter of a tallow candlo bears to a bolt of chain lightning. Blaine has his uses. The State of Maino has its uses also. Thu State of Maine exists on the map in order that Bluiue may sit iu Congress. An<j Blaiuo sits in Cougress in order that decent men may know what course to take on oea&sinna of dilmn. sometimes hesitate about takiug a position ; and on these occasions all men who hare at heart the interests of tho country and who . want to bo right hesitate also; the suspence is painful. But no sooner does Blaiue rear up on his hind legs and begin to paw the air with his forepaws, bellowing the while like a four-year old bull with a stone wall .. between himself and the object of his desires, than all good men complacently betake themselves to the other side and put their trust in God. Blaine is not like Daniel Webster. Blaine would rather be wroug than be President; but he would like to be both. When our Proctor Knott remarked that Blaiue was "the d?dest scouudrcl on tho American contineul," ho did very wrong. Knott should have said, "Blaine is the most useful mauon tho American or any other contineut.' Blaine is to politics what the light-house Is to navigation ; his light shows where those E laces are which must bo kept away from, to is the red flag of politics, for, wheuevor VOU SCO hilll VOIl hnnw f.linrn ia onialtnnr t/ ^ J ~ ? ? v"v* " "*"*rVA in tbo neighborhood. Ho reminds me of the fellow who use4 to go about the couutry as an advapce agent of a noted temperance lecturer. IIo always traveled forty-eight hours ahead of tho lecturer, giving a fearful cxatnple of the effects of iuteuiperance ! But one earthly consideration could have induced patriotic people?peoplo who value manhood, honesty, honor, law, peace charity aud other benisons, benefices and amenities of life?to toleruto a President not elected by the people, but counted in by Bradley, Stroug, Miller, Oarficld, Hoar, Edmunds et al That one thing was- that Blaine should oppose his administration. That t left tho situatiou in the nature of a choice between two frauds; and, us friend McCullagh once said of Bill Grosvenor?who, by the way, is the Jidus Achates of Carl Sohurz < ?"Hell could not produce nor Omnipotence duplicate" a fraud which would not instant. ly be chosen as the lesser of tho two if the other hapehned to bo Blaine, I am told that Blaine opposes Hayes be. cause Hayes refused to givo him tho patronage he demuuded. That Bluiue went up to the White House and comuiauded Ilayes to stand and deliver two or three Cabinet places and no end of other valuables, and that Hayes in response kicked Blaine down the front steps, whereby a soreness was produced in the seat of Blaine's iutellcct.? But Blaine is taking the wrong way to get even. It is just liko him. Ho never docs tho right thing. He is so smart Blaine is?so damned smart, if I may be allowed tho term~~that he oan't get out of his own I way; therefore most of the blows which he I ' designs for others hit himself. Now, when ' u r bo catno away from the White IIouso the Other day, ruibbing the inflamed seat of his intellect, and rowing vengonce, if he had tny sense it would at onoe have occurred to him that the only way ho could injure Ilayos was by supporting bis administration. And by the time he had supported Hayes six weeks the latter would hare been glad to give him all seven of the Cabinet places in consideration of his distinguished and invalunblo onmity for the balanoe of '* his term. But no; Blaine lacked sense, and consequently he did not poreeire tho Jino point of strategy that lay within his grasp. VJO ttlO oilier haud? he espoused tho catiae of Keltogjg?whom Jim Nye used to call Briudlc IiTTl. Now, Kellogg is a oarpct-baggcr, and the carpet-bagger having become, as houcst old Tom Robertson says, "hated at the North, execrated at the South and dospiscd by the nigger," Blaine finds congenial fellowship iu Kellogg. There- i fore Blaino seizes tho coat-tails of Kellogg and-expects Kellogg to pull hiai into tho Prosideney four years from now. I once knew a fellow whoso ideas of locomotion wore similar to Blaine's theory of political progress. This .fellow, haviug partaken largely of the peculiar constitutional law of a late administration, walked solemuly iuto a water closet at one end of a railway station platform, took a seat aud inquired, i "Why in h?1 don't this train 6tart t" It , is fortiiDate for Kellogg thnt his reputation i is as bad as a reputation can bs; otherwise i Blaine's advocacy of him might be iujuri- I ous. ] And yet Blaino represents his constitu- i eucy with fidelity. Perhaps you are uot ac- 1 quaiutcd with the constituency of Bluiuc.? I j Blaine's constituents are those natives of t Maine who neglect to emigrate precipitately as soon as they are old enough to realize what kind of a State they have been born in. Providenco keeps a few people in Maine, who are carefully selected with a view to influencing all rcspcctablo folks to emigrate at ouce. Well, these are Blaine's constituents?the few persons rctuiucd as moral scarecrows by Divine Providence.? After this explanation you will understand i the sccret'of Blaine's wonderful hold upon the pcoplo of Maino. No hold has ever been seen ditto it, uulese sw-except that hold which Blaiue got on the Mulligan letters. And no hold like it will ever be seen uutil the devil gets Blaine, constituents, Mulligan letters and all. But, to bo serious, Blaine is becoming the most colossal nuisance of the century, lie is not only deluging the namo of the American people with disrepute, but ho is becoming a disturber of the peace, and an inveterate peddler of noxious notious which are designed to bedevil the feeble minded. Never accomplishing anything and proposing nothing, he hangs on.thc verge of politics like a Bedouin upon the flanks of a caravan, watching for some pilgrim with a sick camel to drop out of the procession. If the fools were all dead, Blaine could do no harm. But some of them still liye^.and, as a consequence, Blaine ulw8ys?4y^iiust. e wo ugh of following to keep his owd ' iptMidL UPvkP .the intolerable poiul^ agg to infect tnc^oiitihal atq^flrno "success Tn him but he always comos near cuough to success to nerve his misguided followers for another effort in his behalf. His followers are of two classes: First, played-out aud used-up old hacks aud fruuds, who have been kicked out of all other fellowship, and, sccoud, credulous and enthusiastic boys, who are led to believo that iron cheek and leather lungs constitute the true statesman,*and that Blaine's system of tcn-ccut thiinble-riggery is ihc true game of politics. As a Kennebec town couucilman, Blaine would have been a success. But in the arena ot national politics he figures as ridi- \ culously as a cockroach turned out to pas- < turc in a ton-acre lot. It is only wheu he t becomes tho boss cockroach of a bordc of i grasshoppers that he ceases to be ridiculous, j and he only ceases to be ridiculous when a he becomes pestiferous. Ue may not be 1 able to accomplish anything of great dctri- c mcnt, but he sometimes has power to delay i the accomplishment of that which is bene- c ficial?as iu the present instance he ob- t structs the pacification of Louisiana and t South Carolina. * t When Stanley Matthews and Mr. Evarts, t on behalf of Ilayes, advised that poor sbiv- \ ering upstart, Chamberlain, that the good s of the country required his withdrawal from < tho position to which he pretcuds, Mat- c thews and Evarts simply tried to do by mild ' persuasion, out of pity, what simple justice ( would have dictated should be done by the t hair of his head?and what will be done by ( the hair of his head, too, if, at Blaine's in- \ stigution, he should stick there thirty days i longer. But Blaine thinks he sees an op- f portuuity, and grasps it. ( Now, if a little nigger should see a mule's ] tail, and, imagining that it afforded him a 1 good opportunity to steal a ride, should i grasp the tail, with the consequence tradf^ tional in such cases, everybody would laugh and express wonderment that, after two centuries Of uniformly disastrous experi- . mcnt, the Ethiopian should still be so iufattinted as to grasp a mule by the tail. But . the nigger in this case would not be one , whit mors absurd than Blaine is when he j embraces the carpet-bagger nud tries to make political capital out of him. lie ( might as woll go out into the fields and be- j stride the decomposing carcass of u dead horse with the design of taking a ride !? | Poor Blaine 1 Wheu that great big Presidential maggot gets into a small head it produces ricket9. Blaine "honed his toneuc would cleave to the roool of his mouth."? i That was the moat discreet wish I ever . knew him to avow. If it only would, he | might possibly obtain a reputation for good < sense in tho course of time?unless ho < should learn tho deaf and dumb art of talk- I ing with his fingers; and oven if he did ' that it might serve to keep his fingers busy i in conversation and thns improvo his reputation as a respecter of the laws of meiwi ( and tuum. Meanwhile I havo my little laugh on the boys who, ton days ago, were supplying lung power to produce the Blaine yell and ?why, three Cabinet places were the merest bagatelle, you know ! Blaine was going to bo President in fact! But ho would allow Mr. and Mrs. Hayes to ocoupy tho J White House, yon know, just to humor tho children and keep pence in tho family !? | But iVfteeati>Blaiu? irflto President iu fact. It is somebody else 1 7. And bow Morton, Siuieu Cameron and those othci sly old fellows have quietly gone and made their peace with Hnyes, leaving Blaire, all unconscious, tearing away with his great speech at the empty air. As 1 said before, Blaiue is very smart. None of thone sly (old fellows are so smart as Blaine. He is not ouly so smart that he can't keep out of hut owq way, but he runs so fust that he stubs his toe against httpsclf and tumbles down. lie opcus his mouth and puts bis foot in it. Ho raises his band to strike Hayes and smites his own cheek?which is protuberaut. It was funny to see Blaiuo prancing up and down the Fog-batik, and uobody paying any attention to him except Johu Patterson and Spencer, together with a few niggers and sotne immature, females iu the gallery. How bo brandished thac telegram ! Blaine knows how to brandish private papers. Ho knows how to get thein, tlso. "Ilowly Chroist," said Mulligan, 'he's got uie u>iuioraudy, too !" With what 5nc frenzy he waltzod afouud there iu a small open space, with John Patterson on )nc side and old Hautliu on the other, and ihrfiw down the nC hi?Hl? Would any solemn old Senatorial pump stand sponsor for Stnuley Matthews' dispatch ? Show him the sou of a pun ! Hut lone of tho old pumps responded. They ivere past the time of life when it is considered necessary to knock chips oil' the shoulders of Biuall boys. Poor Blaine !? [(c^couldn't even find a windmill to tilt igaiust; fc-r ho was the only one in the Scnite, and it is written that no windmill can ilt against itself, Suppose some Tipperary Irishman should waltz into the Vatican some noruing with about six iuchcs of his coat ails dragging on the floor, and iuvitc any ipalpecn in tho august college of cardinals e tread on them?ujist trid on thj tip ind iv wau av thim!" Or imagine a robust IVui. goat trying to provoke a hilching-post o mortal combat. It is a long time since mything has been seen so utterly absurd as Maine's effort to make a Donnybrook of the fog-bank. 1 am sorry for Jim. lie is out of his inc of business. lie should immediately religu from the Senate and get back to the [louse, where the boys will always be found cady to whoop it up for him. They never lave auy rows in tho Senate?except in exscutivc sossion ; and what would Blaine give for a row when there are no boys or niggers n the gallery and where no report of his jreat speech could be printed in the nowspapers r , A row of that kind is of no more r?lue to JBlainO than a band-organ would be* ij'iiy <iiii^n i rttt w ludicncc of small boys to Toss nim penme# lor his antics. The only affecting part of the transaction s the cool desertion of Blaine by Sitnou Jamcron, Morton, Sargent and the other sly fellows, leaving him to the tender merges of Stanley Matthews, who, as Blaine will presently find out, knows no such thing is mercy for him. The situation recalls an ucidcut of boyhood : A neighbor of our's lad a flue plum orchard, which was sur-ouuded by a high board fence, aud in which >y way of additional security against the leprcdations of small boys, the owner was vout to pasture au old Mcriuo ram with mormons horns and a disposition similar to hat of llolman. One day half a dozen of is small boys held a consultation about thoge )lumi. We agreed to capture them. We dl climbed the fence. I was detailed to ook after the Merino ram. and, in discharge >f this dclicato responsibility, was soon iurolved in what a Southern gentleman would sail "a difficulty." I got a good hold on he old fellow?by the horns?and immediately my philosophical mind was beset by ho perplexing question as to whether I had lie ram or the ram had me. Hut no sooner vas the dead lock peifcct than all the other imall boys ran away to the owner of the orihard and told hiui there was a wicked ur:hin out there trying to steal his plums.? Then the owner came out and lilted me ivcr that high board fence, ptrtly by the ip of my east ear and partly upon the tip >f his boot. What hurt my footings the worst was that, after having dismissed mo u this fooling manner, he praised the other imall boys for their honesty, and gave them ill the plums they could stuff into their pockets ! That episode destroyed my faith n human uaturc. Hlaine will soon be a ikcptic also. A. C. 13. "Fkaxjd-O.ndy Fraud."?Senator Norwood, whose term of service has just cxpirsd, has been in the city during the past .lirco or four days, a visitor. "Well, Senator," said the reporter, after lie usual preliminaries had been exhausted, what do you think about the result of the Presidential election?" "You mean, what do 1 think about tho csult of the Electoral Commission. Well, it was a fraud !" "Oh, of course. What do you think will 1)0 the end of this Hayes business ?" "Fraud?only fraud." M- IT : - - " :ur. jiiijL-s in a very pious ^mirioi. lie iskod some of the churches to prny for his Administration, and then invited B b Iujcrsoll, the boastiug infidel, to dine with hiui an Sunday, that they might make merry sver the credulity of the poor brcthern who hud wasted their benedictions upon his 'Southern policy" of deception and imposture. The staudard of drunkenness varies between London and Edinburgh. A witness in a London court recently testified that "a man is properly drunk when he einnot walk;" in Edinburgh, at about the same time, a witness gave it as his opinion thai " man hasua' enough till ho eanna' speak." "Can auimnls communicate ideas f" ask? an exchange. If they cannot there is a vast amount of wasted conversation o' moonlight nights around fences and buck sheds. D. H. OHAKBSBLAIH'B FAft^TXLL ADDBBS8. ? TO? . a TUB PKOPLR OP SOUTH C'AKQUXA. I am sitting on the train to-night, With carpel-bag by toy side, Which I with plunder well hare filled Since the "Sunny South" I tried. The scene U greatly changed. I feel I'm bluer now than then ; And I still keep list'ning for the shout Of those fierce, rod-shirt toten. / Farewell, ye yelling rebej orew Of "cavalier* desoent Most cavalierly did ye act When I to Edgefield went. ( / I playod "reform" to win your votes ; My purpusovou unmasked ; The h*V?ifft glWnted nt your throats Is the revenge I've asked. The sentry walks his daily round Within your State House walls ; Where civil rule once sat enthroned The drummer beats his colls. Who steals my good name steals but trash ; My wealth is iu this bag; Where blue l'enobecot's waters dash I go to save uiy swag." (Shoemaker firstf and Governor liut; My pride has had a fall ; In politics I have pegged out, And 1 may lose my awll. The State I rulod is now redeemed. The people at. me scoff, And, having taken nil things else, Myself I'll new take off. *Gov. C. frequently flattered the South Carolinians by referring in his letters and speeches to their "cavalier stock." -(-Chamberlain served an apprenticeship at the shoemakers' trade, but his recent conduet has brought gpcat discredit on the order of St. Crispin. 7 ????? - ANSWER OF THE PEOPLE OF SOUTH CAROLINA. ?TO? DANIEL II. CI1AMUKBLAIN. Go, traitor 1 Go ! Thy broken trust Is monumental crime; Wojpare thy life, for God is just, And we will bide His time. The rifles in yuti granite pile J llut symbol thy career? j Through nil the years thy party Julod The State was rifled there. y The jarring drum-beat's nigna\/notc, That drowns our church-beRs' chimes, Shall be forgot ; but history keeps Tho record of thy crimes.' Thy legislative bayonets gloam Above our broken laws ; * q^ntry'^constitution pierced ?"lT'yY ? Though we have quaffed tho bitter cup llcld by thy stangcr hand, The law inviolate we.keep, And spurn thee frvui the land. We stand beneath the Union flag, Still trusting in our right ; Dut press us not; a people wronged Muy show a people's might. No "State rights heresy" now clouds The justice of our cause ; No shade jf slavery now diuis The lustre of our laws. Go back to thy far Northern home, Thou t/ihig that frccmeu linte ! Go live, the scorn of honest men, bebaucher of the State 1 The clouds that on our hopes you cast Time soon shall drift away ; The morning light is breaking fast On a new and brighter day. Here where you sowed the seeds of strife Two races blessed shall stand ; Their'lights inviolate maintained^ While justice rules the land. The law supreme in peace shall sway The soldier nml his sword ; And all shall bless the happy day They trusted Hampton's word. A few weeks ago the children attending a school kept by a priest at Capua, Italy, were left(to themselves a fe\v minute!, and one of thrill! allowed u favorite canary of the master's to escape froui its cage. When the latter returned he demanded the name of the culprit, and, on dismissing tho other children to their dinner, desired him to stay behind, and go dowu on his knees as a further punishment. The other children, as they passed the butcher's shop of their schoolfellow's father, explained why he wouldn't he home to dinner, and presently his mother wont to intercede for him.? When shtrtnade her way into the room she found the poor little fellow lying dead, crucified ou a table, his feel being cut off because the table was not long enough.? Wheo her husband came, ho discovered tho priest in an adjoining room, and plunged a poignard into his heart, killing him at oucc. To Destroy Stumps.?Wo find in an exchange the following directions for effectually destroying stumps, which is worthy of a trial: '-In autumn to bore a hole one or two inches in diameter, according to the girth of the stuuip, vertically in tho ccutre of the latter, about eight inches deep. Put iuto it ouo or two ounces of saltpetre, fill tho hole with water and plug up tight. In the ensuing spring take out the plug, pour in about out-half gill of kerosene and theu ignite it. The" stump will smoulder away without {Hazing, the rery extremity of tbe root*, lsyHng nothing but ashes." A Long Island Judge thus scttTcs the question of-scholastio corporeal discipline, not forgetting that he was once a boy :? ''No hard instrument, such as a ruler 01 ferrule, should erer be used in punishing n I pupil. A tough whip should be used, bui not on the hands, nor feet, oor head, and i if oomtpon sonse, natural instinct, or som< t, dim recollection of tho past does not csll U II mind the suitable placo of application tin I teacher should study nnatomy and find out/ WHO MASK HAYSS PBB8IDEHT1 The number of parlies who can rightfully claim to have made Hayes President) is quite aa great as tho number of those who killed eock robiu. Here, for iustauce, is Mr. Chandler, of Michigan, to whose high character aud remarkable capacity as Secretary of the Interior Carl Schurz the other day gave such emphatic testimony. Zach says that he made Hayes President: or, to put it iu his own classical language, The d d fool would not have been President at all but for me; it was I that gave him the votes of South Curolina, Florida, and Louisiana." No doubt this is so, and the only point which can be doubted in Chandler's statement is hi* description of Mr. Hayes as a d -d fool. That question is still undecided. Niilt comud l.lir T.,? O?.'J ?w.vw?H*vvk 4'&l (/ VJi VUIU^ who put up money for the campaign, and after the election, wheu all was lost, started the scheme of counting iu the Ilaycs electors hy the combined use of troops and of cash in Florida, lie made Hayes President. The Returning Board of Florida cau put iu an equal claim with equal justice. Hayes is their creature also, and if, for waut of Gould's inspiration or for other cause, they had failed him, he would not now be iu the White House. Then there is Madison Wells and the other gentlemen of the Louisiana Returning Board. Tlicy have the best right lu the world to say that they made Hayes President, aud that without theui he would still be Governor of Ohio. Judge Joe Bradley is another maker of Ilaycs. Without his steady pcrscrveranco iu voting iu the Electoral Couimissiou every time in favor of fruud, the conspirancy never could have been carried through. John Shermau, Stanley Matthews, Charles Foster, aud William M. Evarts likewise made Ilayes. But for the streuuous promises and assurances they gave in his behalf to the Southern Democrats iu the House of Reprcsentati Tea, the electoral count would not have been eomplctod, and the Prcsideut of the Senate would now be bearing sway as the provisional Prcsideul of tho United States. tatives, who, getting frightened almost tc death, threw away their authority and thcii duty, and voted for the unconstitutional tribunal, also have a right to be classed in 41. r *i - \ , __ mi; array ui muse wuo wore indispensable to the creation of the Fraudulent President. These arc, all of them, authors and creators of the present Administration. II either one of these varied elcmcuts had been wanting, Mr. Hayes would not now be considering how ho can evade the promises and pledges given for him to the Southerners bj Evarts, Matthews, Foster, and Sherman. But among those who are responsible for Mr. Hayes, the American people are not to be counted. By a mujorty of oue million white men, and a majority of 250,000 of all colors, thoy voted that they would have Samuel J. Tilden for President. They had nothing to do with putting llayes where he is.?iV. Y. Sun. "The IIioii Collaikk "?It is a well known fact that the present style of meu's collars are high?very high?behind, which gives chcui the appearance of possessing an ambitious desire to crawl over on a man's head and convert themselves into a sort ol hood or bonnet. Well, a young man who was guilty of wearing one of these ambitious and restless looking articles, went into a barber shop to have his hair trimmed. The barber seated him, aud stepped back for a view of his subject. Uufortuuatcly the head had almost completely disappeared beneath the barricade of white linen. The knight of the shears put hitn iu a half n dozen positions, but to uo purpose. A last with a sigh, aud in the most beseeching manner, ho said, "Mistor uiu't there some way to get that collar off?" The youth took the hint and removed the linen.? Charlottt Observer. _ ,0* A number of years ago attention was at tracted to a theory which insisted that tht last effort of vision materialized itself ant reniaind as an object imprinted on the re tina of the eye after death. This has beer proved a fact by an experiment tried iu thi presence of Dr. Gamgee, F- R. S., of Bir uungliam, England, and Prof, liunsen, tin subject being a living rabbit. The menu taken to prove the merits of tho qucstioi were most simple, the eyes being placet near an opening in a shutter, and retainiuj the shape of the saute uftcr the animal hat been deprived of life. A want long felt," says the San Franeiect Chronicle, "has at length been filled by tht opening of a uew drinking saloon on Mout gomcry avenue, at a point whero five doori intervened without such an indisponrablt convenience." ? - ? "What would you do if mamma shouU die ?" she pathetically asked of her littli throe-year old daughter. "I don't know,' remarked the infant with downcast eves ant melancholy face, "thsposo I should havo t | thpank utythelf." t An honest blacksmith, whon urged t s start a libel suit, answered : "I enn hamme t eat a better reputation on my anvil thai i all tho lawyers in Obrmtcodoiu can giv ' ms." BEATBH BY A LABOX MAJORITY. The Detroit Free Frew says: A boj aged twelve, whose uncle is n member of the ' Legislature, was permitted to make a trip ' to Lansing a few days ago in order to visit tho State House. He came home chuek * full of importance, aud when his little brother ran to meet him at the gate William coldly waved him back and said : "I refer you to the committee on fisheries, bub, aud how's my dog ?" His mother was glad to see him, and when she asked hiui^l he had enjoyed himself, he replied: "Oh, I suppose so, though I now movo to strike out all after the enacting elausc." "What sort of talk is that, Willie, dear?" she asked in great surprise. "Never mind the talk, mother, but movo L tho previous qnestloirand-bring on the pan- * nnlrrtc " The hired girl caino in with the dinner and wanted to know how he liked Lansing, lie looked at her with great dignity and replied : I now movc%fto lay yoqr petition on the table, Ilanunh, for future consideration.,' She got mad about it, and William slyly informed his mother that it was his opinion that Hanuah's title should be made to couform to the body of the bill. lie went out to see the hoys after dinner, and a house paiutcr asked him where Mo. G57 was. "We'll hf.ve a call of the House and aee," replied the boy, as he looked around. "Whose house ?" asked the painter. "Or you can rise to a question of privilege," continued the lad. i "I dou't want no sass," said the painter, ; who thought the boy was making fun of his , rcit nniu> "Of course uot. Let's pass the bill to n third reading, or else go iuto committee of tho whole and debate it." "I think you need dressing down !" growl cd the painter and he banged William into a snow hall and pushed a heap ofsuow down behind his collar. "Have the minority no rights?" yelled the boy, as he kicked the painter on the shin. lie wjuld have been wolloped had not his mother appeared. Tho paiuter moved away at sight of her, but called out: "I'll sec you again, boy." "I refer the whole subject to fatthor with iustruetins to report a bill to walk you ; iuto a police court," replied the represcnta^ tivc, and he went in to tell his mother tho difference between him .tin.. k # t .-v.?.V?UUU rushing a bill, or referring it to the coiii< miltec on cornfields until some one carnc around with the cigars. Dr. Mary Walker Bounced.?Wash' ingtou, March 22.?The Treasury Depart incut has another sensation. Dr. Mary | Walker is standing office seeker. For years her bloomers have hovered about autc-rooina of different Secretaries, until she has become such a bother that Secretary Sherman made an order to the doorkeeper that she be no longer admitcd to auy part of the departmct. To-day she slipped by, and had reached the ante-chamber of the Secretary. Word was at once passed to the venerable gray-bearded man who guards the main door in Fifteenth street. He walked up to the second floor, and at once told Dr. Mary sho must go away. "You go to hell," answered Dr. Mary, vigorously ; "I shall do nothing of the , scrt." At this the doorkeeper made a feeble pass at her, as he said, '-Come now, you come out of that." At this suggestion of violeuce Dr. Mary jumped and clacked her heels together twice as she dropped her hand upon a hip pocket, Baying ''You lay a hand ou me and I will shoot you." The doorkeeper saw a chance for a flank movement lie seized Dr. Mary's right wrist and then passed his venerable arm about her waist, lie then began to propel her toward the street. Dr. Mary kicked his shins all the way and yelled murder, greatly to the amusement of pcrsous in the hallways.? After he had piloted her to tin street he apologized for his forced rough treatment, and sniii that, hnr I???v\ l.-.-l 1 L* - ...... .... m.|n/l VUU1IJ I1UU urnugni lb 1 about, lie nsfced her to pardon him, but 1 Dr. Mary refused, bitterly saying that the 1 country should yet ring with this outrage committed upon a free-born Amerienn cit' izen. i . . A witty writer has observed, with much " . truth, that every man is, in a sense, three ! different* men. It the first place, ho is tho mac he thinks himself to be; iu the second . place lie is the uiau other persons think him to be; and, finally, he is the man that he really is. j A remarkable fondness for cauncd oystors I having been noticed among the iumatcs of . the Albany jail, one of the keepers made an , examination and found that the cans sup? posed to contain oysters contained whiskey. t Rice, McLure & Co. 8 A NNO'JNCE that tbey have received a full 1 xjl line of 1 FALL AND WINTER GOODS, y # ^ to whioh they respectfully cnll the attention of purchasers. These goods have been carefully selected, purchased at low prices, and are offered on the most reasonable terms. 9 The attention of the Ladies is especially dlI reeled to the . DRESS GOODS. , 8/MWLS, CLOAKS, , TRIMMINGS, * MILLINERY GOODS, SILK NECK TIES, ' , RUPFLINGS, //08II1Y, 1 (1L0VE8 AND ? ? . FANCY ARTICLES, Displayed by 1 ^ RICE, MoLURE <fe CO 0 1 15 _ 41 ?" New Stock of Prints at 0 . ? FOSTER ft W1LKJNS. r ^ 1 If n Old Paper* for Hale, ' j J^NyUiUR &i thin office.