The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, March 16, 1887, Image 1
of , ^
One copy vear J ~" ~
S| VOL. XVII. LEXINGTON, S. C., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18, 1887.
THE OFFERING.
Daily with/feeble, care-worn hands I trim
The lajrfip of life, and with unceasing
prayer
I offer its poor, flickering flame to Him
Who doth our burdens bear.
Long, long ago, its brightness slowly
wan^d.
Long, long ago, I ceased to hold it dear ;
Nor saw I aught of gladness to be gained
From year, slow following year.
Yet, for my Master's sake, who bids me
wait
Until His coming, still I trim my*fight ;
And still it burns, as now the hours grow
\ late ; _
. \Ajld deopea into night.
Not mine to ask why He doth will it so ;
Not mine to quench this faintly burning
fire : >
Hi'ae but fco-wmt in patience, and to know
-Tfe? faithful heart w fj^nr^rP^ dpsirp.
DI. TALMAGES SERMON.
y /.
THE HORNET COMES NOT FROM
THE DEVJL, BUT THE LORD.
It Takes Just So Much Trouble to Fit
Us for Usefulness an J for Heaven?Shall
AVe Take It In Bulk or Pulverized and
Granulated?
f
Brooklyn March IS.?At the Tabernacle
his morning the Rev. T. DeWitt Talmage,
>. D., expounded appropriate passages of ,
icripture. Ifo then gave out the hymn be
puniug:
Must Jesus bear the cross alone,
And all the world go free?.
No.' there's a cross for every one,
And there's a cross for ine.
The subject of his discourse was " Stinging
\anoyances," and his text Deutoronomy vii,
HO: " The Lord thy God will send the hornet.*
Be said:
It seems as if the insect world were determined
to war against the human racey Jft
Is every year attacking the grain fields' and
the orchards and the vineyards. The Colorado
beetle, the Nebraska grasshopper, the
- New Jersey locust, the universal potato destroyer
seein to cany on the work which ,
was begun ages ago when the insects buzzed
out of Noah's ark as the door was opened.
[ In my text the hornet flies out on its mis1
adorn. It is a species of wasp, swift in its moI
tion and violent in its sting. Its touch is tors'
mor> Ar Ko . C* WftkoVA ftl 1 SAAM thft
K MU V M/ limn V4 W ?? ?
I cattle run bellowiag from the cut of its lan1
cet In boyhood we used to stand cautiously
- looking* at the globular nest hung from the
K tree branch, and while we were looking at
the wonderful pasteboard covering we were
9| struck with something that sent us shrieking
away. The hornet goes in swarms. It has
captains over hundreds, and twenty of them
Bn attacking one man will produce certain death.
^HBThe Persians attempted to conquer a ChrisRKBten
city, but the elephants and the beasts on
HHu the Persians rode were assaulted by
HHMBBhoraets, so that the whole army was
up and the besieged city was rescued.
HHR^Burning and noxious insect stung out the
ana Canaanites from their country.
Kt the gleaming sword and chariot of war
not accomplish was done by the punc^HD^Bb
of an insect. The Lord sent the hornet.
friends, when we are assaulted by
^J^HHpoths of trouble?great behemoths of
KHBc?we become ckivalric, and we assault
i,, j'1'1 mettled steed of t
mm andlif a charse 5
Bfe?tnese j.
W-. v. '
and tLo "lodges, and the flies, and the
the hornets! In other words,
HgHBEfl^Rbe small stinging annoyances of our
drive us oat and use us up. Into
^HH^Kest eonditioned'lifc. for some grand and
HH*gS^Bcrus purpose/Crod sends the hornet.
|HMH^nark in the first place that these small,
annoyances may corns in tho shape
HHflj^BH&tive nervous organization. 'People
B pj-ostrated under typhiod fevers or
j^BBH^Broken bones get plenty of sympathy,
HBHBo pities anybody that.is nervous? The
I^^^BpBrs say, and the family says, and every-.
^^B^ody says,."Ok!^ she's only a little nervousj?
that's* ail." The sound of a heavy foot, the
? harsh clearing of a throit, a tiisoord in music,'
a want of harmony between the shawl and
the gloye on the same person, a curt answer,
a passing slight, the wind from7 the east, any
one of ten thousand annoyances opehs the
doqr tor the hornet. The fact is that the vast
majority Of toe people m cms country are
overworked, and their nerves are the first to
give out. A great multitude are under the
strain of Leyden, who, when he was told by
his physicians that xAie did not stop working
while he was in such p5or physical health he
would die, responded, "Doctor, whether I live
or die the wheel must keep going around."
These persons of whom I speak have a bleeding
sensitiveness. The flies love to light on
anything raw, and these people are hko the
Oftnaanites spoken of in the text or in the
context?they have a very thin covering ana
Are vunerable at all points. And the Lord
?ent the hornet
Again, these small insect annoyances may
? .come to as in the shape of friends and acquaintances
who are always saying disagree.
.able thing*. There are some people you canmot
be with for half an hour but yoil feel
cheered and comforted. Then there are other i
people you cannot be with for five minutes
before yjfcxfeel miserable. They do not mean
to distorb }bu but they sting you to the bone.
They gainer up all the yarn which the gossips
.spin, antf^peddle it They gather up all the
atfcfferse ie<fticisms about your person, about
- yoar business, about your bome, about your ,
church, and they malic your ear the funnel ,
into which thoy pour it They laugh heartily
when they tail jfou, as though it were a good .
joker ?nd you laugh too, outside. These people
are brought to our attention in the Bible,
in the book of Ruth: Naomi went forth
beautiful and with the finest of wordly prospects
into another land, but after a while she
came back widowed, and sick and "poor.
What did her friends do when she came
Back to the city? They all went out, and instead
of giving her common sense consolation, j
wiiat did they do i Read the book of Ruth i
find out. They threw up their hands and J
said: "Is this Naomir_a?. entered
very pale for years, and
BHkejwry year, for four or five years, a hundred
HHBA^nes a year, I was asked if I was not in a
DBP^^surnprion. And passing through the room
HHfl^L:>uklsometimes bear people sigh and cry:
not long for this world!" I resolved
^H^B^Kose times thai I never, in any con^ersawould
say anything depressing, and by
i ^nB|He]p *>f God I have kept tbe resolution.
pe )ple of whom i speak reap and bind
Vvo^V< great harvest field of .'discouragement.
days yon greet them with a hilarious _
morilin^t" auJj ijiey come buzzing at
^GrOOVh some depressing information, The
* yV)i0?nt the hornet,
astonishing how some people prefer to
^^^rrite and to say disagreeable things. That
%ras the case when years ago Henry M. Stanley
returned after his magnificent exploit of
finding Dr. David Livings lone, and when Mr.
Stanley stood before the savants of Europe, j
and many of the small critics of the day, under
pretense of getting geographical informa- , j
tion, put to liim most insolent questions, he (
folded his arms and refused to answer. At
the very time when you would suppose all f
decent men would have applauded the hero- ]
ism of tbo man there were those to hiss. The t
Lord sent tbo hornet. And when, afterward, ,
that man sat down on the western coast of j
Africa, sick and worn, perhaps, in the grand
est achievement of the age in the way of geo- ,
graphical discovery, there were small critics j
all over the world to buzz and buzz and cari- 1
cature and deride him; and when a few (
weeks after that he got the London papers, ,
as h* opened them out flew the hornet.
_ When I see that there are so many people j
~3fc
? ..
t
A .
? ii 11 ?nil
in the world who like to say disagreeable i
things and write disagreeable things I come ,
almost in my weaker moments to believe
what a man said to me in Philadelphia one j
Monday morning. I went to get the horso i
that was at the livery, and tho hostler, a plain j
man, said to me: "Mr. Talmage, I saw that j
you preached to the young men yesterday." I
I said "Yes." He said: "No use, no use; '
man's a failure."
The small insect annoyances of life sometimes
come in tho shape of a local physical
trouble, which does not amount to a positive
prostration, but which bothers you when you
want to feel tho be6t. Perhaps it has been a
sick headache which has been the plague of
your life, and you appoint some occasion of
mirth or sociality or usefulness, and when
tho clock strikes the hour you cannot make
your appearance. Perhaps the trouble is between
the ear and the forehead, in the shape
of a neuralgic twinge. Nobody can see it or
sympathize with you, Kit just at the time
wbon you want your intellect clearest and
your disposition brightest you feel a sharp,
keen, disconcerting thrust. The Lord sent
"tlio hornet.
Perhaps these small insect annoyances will
come in the shape of a domestic irritation.
The i?rlor and the kitchen do not always
harmonize. To get good service and to keep
considerateness of employers; but whatever
be the fact, wc all admit there are these insect
annoyances winging their way out from
tho culinary department. If the grace of
God be not in the heart of the house
keeper, sue cannot mainuuu nor wjumbrium.
The men come home at night and
hear the story of these annoyances, and say,
"Oh! theso homo troubles are very little
things." They are small, small as wasps, but
tboy sting. Martha's nerves were all Tinstrung
when she rushed in asking Christ to
reprove Mary, and thore are tens of thousands
of women who aro dying, stung to
death by these pestiferous domestic annoyances.
Tho Lord sent the hornet.
Theso Small insect disturbances may also
come in the shapo of business irritations.
There are men hero who went through 1857
and Sept. 24, 1SC0, without losing their balance,
who are every day unhorsed b)' little
annoyances?a clerk's ill manners, or a blot
of ink on a biL of lading, or the extravagance
of a partner who overdraws his account, or
tho underselling by a business rival, or the
whispering of business confidences in the
street, or the making of some little bad debt
which - was against, your judgment, just to
please somebody elsa It is not the panics
that kill tho merchants. Panics coznoonly
onco in ten or twenty years. It is the constant
clin of these everyday annoyances which is
sending so many of our best merchants into
dbervous dyspepsia and paralysis and the
grave. When our national commerce fell flat
on its face, these men stood up and felt almost
defiant; but their, life i-s giving way now
under the swarm of these pestiferous annoyances.
The Lord sent the hornet.
I have noticed in tho history of some of my
congregation that their annoyances are multiplying,
and they have a hundred where they
used to havo ten. The naturalist tolls us that
& wasp sometimes has a family of 20,000
wasps, and it does seem as if every annoyance
of your lifo bred a million. By the help of
God to-day I want to show you the other side.
The hornet is of no use ? Oh, yes! The naturalists
toll us they aro very important in the
world's economy; they kill spiders and they
clear the atmosphere; and I really believe Godsends
the annoyanco of our life upon us to kill
tho spiders of the soul and to clear the atmosphere
of our skies. These annoyances are
sent on us, I think, to wake us up from our
lethargy. There is nothing that makes a man
so lively as a uest of " yellow jackots," and I
think that these annoyances aro intended to
persuade us of the fact that this is not a world
- ?"* 4-iv ?+rvr\ 1 f ll'O VtOS? ft rif ofortr. I
1W U?> W 3tV|/ i^i. O.A. ?rv ? vv?? V4 V ? V J J
thing that was attractive and soft - and easy,
what would we waut of heaven i ;You think
that the hollow ?ve .sends the^ hornet. or you
gymnasium you find upright parallel bars?
bars with holes over each other for pegs to be
put in. Then tho gymnast takes a peg in
each band and he begins to climb, one inch at
a time, or two inches, and getting his strength
cultured, reaches after a while the ceiling.
And it seems to me that these annoyances in
life are a moral gymnasium, each worry a
peg by which wo are to climb higher and
higher in Christian attainment. We all love
tp see patience, but it cannot be cultured in
fair weather. It is a child of the storm. If
you had everything desirable and there was
nothing more to get. what would you want
with patience? The only time to culture it is
when you are slandered and cheated, .and
Jack and" half dead. "Oh," you say, "if I
only had the circumstances of some well to do
man I would be patient too." You might as
well say, "If it were not for this water I j
would swim;" or, "I could shoot this gun if it
were not for the caps."
When you stand chin deep in annoyances is
the time for you to swim out toward the
great headlands of Christian attainment, and
when your life is loaded to the muzzle with
repulsive annoyances?that is the time to
draw the trigger. Nothing but the furnace
will ever burn out of us tue clinker and the
slag. Tiiftve formed this theory ia regard to
small annoyances?nd vexations: It takes just
so much trouble to fit us for usefulness and
for hefi'ven. The only question is, whether
we"shall take it in the bulk, or pulverized and
granulated. Here is one man who takes it
in the bulk. ^His back is broken, or
bi^ eyesight put out*, or some other
awful calamity befalls him; while the
vast majority of people take the thing
piecemeal. Which way would you rather
have it?. Of course in peacenueal. Better
have five aching teeth' than one broken jaw.
-Better ten fly blisters than an amputation.
Better twenty squalls than one cyclone. There
may be a difference of opinion as to allopathy
and homeopathy; but in this matter of
trouble I like homeopathic doses?small
pellets of annoyance rather than some knock
down dose of calamity. Instead of the
thunderbolt give us tho hornet
If you have a bank you would a great deal
rather that fifty men should come in with
checks less than a hundred dollars than to
have two depositors come in the same day
each wanting his ten thousand dollars. In
this latter case, you cough and look down at
iin at- t-Ka eei'linc before von look I
VUQ U Wi U4IU ??*V ^ ^
into the safe. Now, my friends, would you
not rather have these small drafts of annoyance
on your bank of faith^than some allstaggering
demand upon your endurance? I
want to make you ao strong that JXSI1 B^vlh
surrender to says, there was an
invasion of rats, and these small creatures almost
devoured the town and threatened the
lives of the population, and the story is that a
piper came out one day and played a very
sweet tune, and all the vermin followed him
?followed him to the banks of the Weser,
and then he blew a blast and they dropped
in and disappeared forever.
Of course this is a fable, but I wish I could,
on the sweet flute of the Gospel, draw forth
all the nibbling and burrowing annoyances
of your life, and play them down into the
depths forever. How many touches did the . *'
artist give to his picture of "Cotopaxi," or
his ''Heart of the Andes?' I suppose about
50,000 touches. I hear the canvas saying, j
"Why do you keep me trembling with that
peqpii so long? Why don't you put it on in
ona' "No." savs the artist. tlI know
how to mako a pointing; it will take 50,000 of
these touches.r And I want you, my friends, 3
to understand that it Is these JO,000 annoy- <
auces which, under God, are making pp the \
picture of your life, to be hung at last in the
galleries of heaven, lit fcr angels to look at.
God knows how to make a picture.
I go into a sculptor's studio, and see him
shaping a statue. He has a chisel in one
hand and a mallet in the other, and he gives
? very gentle stroke?click, click, click! I
say, "Why don't you strike harderP "Oh!"
he replies, "that would shatter the statue.
I can't doit that way; I must do It this
way," So he works on, and after a while the
features come out, and everybody that enters
the studio is charmed and fascinated. Well,
God has your soul under process of devel- ]
opment, and it is the little annoyances and j
vexations of life that are chiseling ou< your
immortal nature. It is click, dick click; \
wonder why some great providence does notcome
and with one stroke prepare you for
heaven. Ah, no; God says that is not the
way. And so he keeps on by strokes of little
vexations, until at last you shall be a glad
spectacle for angels and for men.
You know that a largo fortune maybe
spent in small change, and a vast amount of
moral character may go away in small depletion.
It is the little troubles of life that are
having more effect upon you than the
great ones. A swarm of locusts will kill a
grain field sooner than the incursions of three
or four cattle. You say, "Since I lost my
child, since I lost my property, I have been
a different man." But you do not recognize
the architecture of littlo annoyances, that are
hewing, digging, cutting, shaping, splitting
and interjoining your moral qualities. Rats
may sink a ship. One lucifer match may
semi destruction through a block of storo
houses. Catherine de Medicis got her death
from smelling a poisonous rose. Columbus, by
stopping and asking for a piece of bread and
a drink of water at a Franciscan convent,
was led to the discovery of a new world. And
there is an intimate connection between
trifles and immensities, between nothings and
every things.
Now, be careful tp let none of those annoyances
go through your soul unarraigned.
Compel them to administer to your spiritual
11 'is&miiiX I'-yi
times produces lockjaw and the clip A! ii UliWi'
infinitesimal annoyance may damage you forever.
Do not let any annoyance or perplexity
come across your soul without it making
you better.
Our national government does not think it
belittling to put a tax on pins ami a tax on
buckles and a tax on shoes. The individual
taxes do not amount to much, but in tlio agtci
millions and millions of dollnrc
And 1 would have you, O Christian man, put
a high tariff on every annoyance and vexation
that come through your souL This
might not amount to much in single cases,
but in the aggregate it would be a great revenuo
of spiritual strength and satisfaction.
A bee can suck honey even out of a nettle;
and if you have the grace of God in your
heart, you can get sweetness out of that
which would otherwise irritate and annoy.
A returned missionary told me that a com- |
pany of adventurers rowing up the Ganges
river were stung to death by flies that infest
that region at certain seasons. I have scon
tho earth strewed with the carcasses of men
slain by insect annoyances. The only way to
get prepared for tho great troubles of life is
to conquer these small troubles. What would
you say of a soldier who refused to load his
gun or to go into tho conflict becauso it was
only a skirmish, saying, '"I am not going to
expend my ajnmunition on a skirmish; wait
until there comes a general engagement, and
then you will see how courageous I am, and
what battling I will do." The general would j
say to such a man, "If you are not faithful in j
a skirmish you would be nothing in a general
engagement." And I have to tell you, O j
Christian men, if you cannot apply the prin- j
ciplesof Christ's religion on a small scale, you
will never be able to apply them on a large
scale. 4
had have'
you possess ?
the sides,
as
the
dipped
hall in joWr
an
the
table,
kni
have th^HH^HH^DH^^^^B|
you 150
pain or ach<i^^^^^^HflBNj^H|^n^U
one of
these thin^^HHHHH^^HB
us
best picture in
house. God m^H^u ^J$Mae
vestibule of hea^W/tka^g._ax g^iefy of the
universe toward^J'ajcli wa^r aspiring. We
must not bave^ff^o^^W^fc^m^^Lor
we
Polycarp
death. The
fastened
around him, II^^HH^MhH^H^^^^H
us tho
canvas a ship
flames, instead of
only a wall betweei^HP^Pn^^oem^.
They had actually to a?troy him with the
pbniard; the flames would not touch him.
"Well, my heajser, I want you to understand
that by God's' grace the flames of trial, instead
of consuming your 90uf, are only going
to be a wall of defense and a canopy of biess- '
ing. God is going to fulfill to you the blessing
and the promise, as He did to Polycarp:
"When thou walkest through the fire thou
shaltnot be burned." Now you do not understand;
you shall know, hereafter. In
heaven you will bless God even for the hornet.
Two Original Entertainments.
Paris has been enlivened lately by \wo
original entertainments, writes Townsend
Percy. One was a bird's head dinner party,
at which one of the ladies had her head arranged
to represent that of a peacock, with
the crest represented by an aigrette in
diamonds, emeralds and sapphires. The most
original bead was that of an owl, and the
most tasteful that of a turtledove. The otiier
entertainment was that of a bezique party,
at which the game was not played, but was
represented by the guests, who were dressed
as a pack of cards. Care had been taken to
have the king and queen of each suit represented
by a married couple, so that uniformity
of costume tfould bo preserved. The queen of
hearts was arrayed in ruby velvet and rose colored
satin, and the queen of clubs in black
velvet and silyr tissue. The guests who personated
the common cards of the pick were
dressed either in black or scarlet, the gentlemen
each having fcie card fastened to a lapel
of the coat, while each lady wore'hers attached
to her Corsage. Both entertainments
were a great success in every way.?New
York (|japliic. '
Now that she has goaejJj&aggig-jSJjJ
New Yorl^i^g' that are the delight of all
lucky enough to be bidden to them.
JFhe Proper Attitude.
A local boss had instructed his henchmen
to occupy an attitude of dignified neutrality
in regard to a political measure. "When approached
by a friend of the measure, the
henchman looked cunning and said: "I don't
know what I can do for you. The measure
isn't ours, and I guess it will be best for our
side to preserve a dignified brutality."?Boston
Beacon.
Casualties in the Mail Service.
i There were 211 casualties in the railway
mail service last year, more than double j
the number of the preceding year, but for i
the first in many years no clerk was killed.
The seriously injured numbered fifty-six, and
the slightly injured were sixty. ? Chicago
Eerald.
Experiments by throwing corks in the cu>
rents of the North Atlantic made by Admiral
Srye indicated a daily rate of motion of from
two to six miles.
Push and Knergy in Georgia.
During the past few weeks charters have i
been granted in Georgia for twelve railroad j
companies, four large street railway corpora- i
tions, two mineral paint, four marble, one j
oil, eleven large manufacturing and 6ix land j
companies, whilo thirty minor inanufactur- !
tng companies have applied for charters.? j
Boston Transcript.
I vhas took notice dot eafery mans haf bis !
weakness. Befoije we pitch into him pecause j
be falls let us consider how it vhas dot we !
shtand oop.?Carl Duuder in Detroit Fre? j
pre* ' -y v_ j
PEOPLE PUBLICLY MENTIONED. *T
! 1
What tho Jiowrpapers Are Saying About .r
Persons W^?o Are Well Known. C
Ada Pwchan usd to be a school teacher in !
Bridge''?ort, Com- . Ic
Gen i Shermai smokes a briar root pipe *'<
which solaced hi; i during the march through j 1
Georgia. 't
ilea *y Wattes on has become a total ab- : J,
! staincx since liisiicknees, and turns down his
wine glasses at doner parties. -*
Mr; Wilson Ba rett says he is always rer^" 1
nervebus when heyoes on the stage, and pers- ;
pires ?until he cannear the sweat drops from i
his f J|ce patter on' ho floor like rain. I
Mrtp- J- W. Smib. of Orange, N. J., is a j
famctfos Iricyclist. 'During the past year she b
rode *2,G43 miles, 2ps of which wero with her i
husband on a tandmmachine; the other 415
worel^ono- V > -a"
Jemnie dlin0 s*n the women ofvdl na> ^ \
1 tionsj and bas road?,p her mind that Ameri- ,?
can |won;en stsmd ? the head for. htegk L
coni|*Jex^OT1? taste id good temper. She <
belie that America men shouldpatrouize
hoin J enterprise. J TJ7
Qu'ieen Margaret <; Italy jg exceptionally
suscelP*^? to cold^od seldom. is without a
heavjy wrap, even j -well wanned rooms. "
Her Pvvu apartmentsh the Quirinal are kept
- -a^^MW'iwitiire-whfa is to most people oppmf
ively hot. , , ,
pjVrtry Clews, thKVall street broker, re- I
marfccs that "the ma^wbo can't make milk :
aT1(i motley to lire on out of the prosperity >
whic*1 is S?'M? to prevail throughout tho j
countV>' for tbe entir. year of 1887 ought to |
^j0ftSrtho benefit o'bis'family." When a I
inaJ1 .has a few mi|*ns to begin with the -j
I crop niiI^ an(* 4,ney is very easily hari
vestetr
Ljjl 10 Stuck, the j .year-old daughter of
the i/ennsylvania sfye librarian, composed
the wfon^s an<* musi' of a "Slumber Song."
Her tnnsio teacher adjised her to allow him
t0 j^fcairange and pub'sh it, as he said it was
so ^ltricatc, so dolic^e, and so difficult of
rendition that ordinal^- singers could not do *
justice to it. She cjclared she would riot
liavfc tho score change^ saving she had made j
j jt vmusually difficult or a special purpose. js
>pb<en she sent it to Ad.hna Patti, signing an. S
' aft.;umed name. A ft / Jays ago she heard h
trc>in Mme. Patti's prrvato secretary that the 1
jj.va was singing the ^ lumber Song" in con- i
cpris in the west. ? j
. A strange case of absent mindedness came 1 J
tp light in the office c- the recorder of deeds1 J
Washington roc ^ly. In July, 1884, a
gentleman had a doc-, made of record, also a
jleed of trust, Frederick Douglass at the
time being recorder.. Subsequently a deed of
release was secured, bid Monday the papers
were returned for l further record. In examining
the dewdit'(,-as dated as of record
'July 10, 1884, and orj the back signed "James
I G. Blaine, recorder <,f deeds," fn the handwriting
of Mr. DqUgiaSs, showing that the
recorder was at the t time absorbed in mind> "
about tho Blaino boqm to such an extent as
to write that gentleman's name where the
recorder's should have appeared.
Mrs. Martha Cravens, residing near Clark's
Fork, Cooper county, has in her hennery
.quite a curiosity ijj"the shapo of a young
chicken which was) hatched from what is I
as a double jt has four perfectly >v
aild f^t and two heads pointing^
/other, but only ono body./
B^uc bill pecks the food at a!
seems almostrlif^ss wbeu> ,.
In running . .
the two heads^^^^^^Hl &
HH^Hl and pair of
the other
% thinks
freak
Hfl^HWmvji she wiil
^H^HTeer old par^
Wen?^.ontb^l^^^^HjflHB
i 1T^.;'ved
I ?iglflVc^t pear orchards' rrr - ?< nmi^^HEj^^^D
f alvthe fruit to tho poor?proof ]|^Fi
! eccentricity. Soma time agfi he uWJP^f <
I ' telegraph all the crowned heads of Europe to t
dine with him, but, like a great many iivited 1
guests nearer home, thev didn't "get there." i
k. 1 \ '
I '? Birds, Dogs and Monkeys.
y' I Opened into a bird store a few nr?rn[
ings ago. Tho proprietor of the establish- '
Lraoutf is an odd fellow of about 60, who has
"been in the bird, dog and monkey line lor 1
nearly half alcentury. He has lived in the
midst of barks, howls and squeals so long that
he actually appears to detect harmony in tho
bedlam of sound continually going on about
him. "Yes, there are fashions in animals as
well as in other things," he said. "Now take
monkeys for example. Sbqnetipies we have .a
dreadful run on monkeys; can't get enough
of them to supply the demand. Somehow,
though, the craze for monkeys never lasts
long. You see, monkeys are apt to wear out
their welcome in pretty short order, and when
a lady buys ono she is usually glad to sell it
back again for about anything she can get
insido of a week or so. Monkeys and well
././...lnfarl familiAC nflinr (rat. nlnnc well to
io^" ? a ?
pother. ^
"Fashions in dogs? Oh, y?s. Just at present
the black poodle is the proper dog to own
if you want to be in style. Tbey come high,
but I find some people must have 'em. The
2 bull terrier is a pretty fashionable dog just
now. and I notice that old favorite, the black
and tan, is coming back into favor again. In
the line of big dogs the setters hold their own
against every other, and no wonder, considering
their beauty and intelligence. Parrots
have had a good run this winter, and may be
considered the fashionable birds just now. It's
rjafcy business buying parrots unless yon get
'em pretty young. You see you nevef can
tell how the infernal things have been brought ,
up. Now, I sold a parrot last week to a minis
! ter on the hill. That bird was as meek mid
polite as a dude, but the minister brought
him back the next day and gave me a terrible
setting out The parrot commenced
swearing like a boodle alderman the moment
he got his ugly beak inside the parsonage
That's the reason I'm always delicate like N
about handling parrota."?Brooklyn Eagle.
of Bad >
. _*ierr "Zipferl, why is it that you every now
and then put a small coin on the table?' "Oh
that is op account of a bad habit of mine!
You see, I want to cure myself of the bad
habit of using so many foreign words in conversation,
so I fme myself five pfennigs every
time I use one." "Then I suppose you contribute
the sura for some charitable purpose?"
.Not much! mat money pays for my beer
before I go home."?German Joke.
Hit the Wrong Man.
When Macaulay was an undergraduate h?
attended an election meeting in Cambridge,
and was rewarded by a dead cat being thrown
in his face. The man who hurled the offensive
articlo apologized by saying that ho had
no wish to hit Mr. Macaulay, as ho intended
it for Mr. Adeane. "I wish," replied Mr.
Macaulay, "you had intended it for me and
hit Mr. Adeane."?Exchange.
Then and Now.
Twenty-five years ago there were but two
places along the Jersey coast of any importance?Long
Branch and Cape May, Then
tbo total valuation of the seaboard was less
than $7,000,000, while the last report of Comp- \
troller Anderson gives the astonishing valuation
of over $100,000,000.?Chicago Times,
"Wilkie Collins* Manuscript.
Wilkie Collins has sent to the Buffalo
library tbe manuscript of his "Two Des- <
tinies," handsomely bound at his own exerpense.
Mr. Collins1 writing is coarse and i
very distinct; his manuscripts h^ve many i
erasures and interpolations, but are withal
unusually legible.?New York Graphic.
The Reason.
Boston Mamma (to little boy)?Waldo, dear
why do you make so much noise 1
Little Boy?It must be because I am ft
Hub-bub, mamma.?New York Sun.
ITEMS? OF GENERAL INTEREST^
" A quartet of Soneca Indians are giving con*>rts
in New York.
if any cattle are dyihg in the cattle ranches
>f Victoria, B. C.
Heno, Nev., complains that the sawdust in
Truckee river has produced much disease in
hat towp.
A woman at Santa Cruz, Col., has sued
lcr husband for divorce, the chief ground of
omplaint being that he neglected to say
race at his meals. r~'
? Five hundred gallons of wine have just
?een received in Chicago from Jerusalem. It
las been more thaatwo months on the way.
will be used for Pdpsover purposes.
(Minister (at baptisuttal font)?Name, please?
lother?Philip Fettiinand Chesterfield Ran(blph
Livingstone. Minister (aside to assisfcint)?S^r.
Kneele^ a little more water,
1^bere^a grea^derpandfor Mexican mate
to paint upon.-. The'.material is used for
'rertetKn greeaftfiifofryfl also as an
aaiiistableuo^SBBf#^& rnftic or summer
fqrnfehing.
Rabbit hurting ry moonlight is now indulged
in by ranchers in tho vicinity of Lexington,
Ora The destructive animals pay
nocturnal "risits to haystacks in largo droves,
where the huniors Be in wait for thorn.
T^ie Japanese wilt soon permit foreigners to
dwell and do business in any part of the empire.
"When this occurs a foreign language
will be necessary to supplant the native language
for official purposes, and it is said that
the Mikado and tlx# leading statesmen favor
the {English, whichjhas long been used in the
Orient. v
Six miles from Mackinaw, Ills., is a bit of
ground.about eighty foai square that is alfrays
so warm that snow melts as soon as it
falls upon it. It is said that when the earth
there is <listurv*x3 it flashes like burning
powder, and that "U- i>eculiar gas comes up
ffona tho ground which so far has shattered
avery vessel in which an effort has been made
Icf confine it
A ball was given by deaf mutes in Baltimore
recently. The Baltimore American
>ays it was a curious affair. They danced
very well and generally kept time with the
fiusie. Waltzing gave them more trouble
than the square dances, though some showed
themselves to be ax pert and graceful in the
mazy whirl. A little girl danced the fisher's
fjpeopipo, which was unexpected, and several
couples arose and danced a slow waltz to the
lively music of a hpxnpipe.
tXa foion'^c nniri Vow York teachers are
scarcely princely, when one considers the
cost of living here, The salaries of the male
assistant teachers range from $2,016 to $1,080.
Tie salaries of the female assistants range
fiom $1,116 to $633 in male grammar schools,
fiom $1,0SG to $603 in mixed grammar
schools, from $1,056 to $603 in femalesgramnar
schools and from $900 to $504 in primary
<Je?artments and schools. Principals' salaries
run up as high as $3,500 or $4,000. All male
assistant teachers of less than one year's experience
receive $720 the first year and
females $408.
The apprehensions of war have afforded
throe English officers of the Salvation army
in Paris an opportunity which they availed
themselves of in their own manner. One
aftejsioon recently three men, dressed.
uniform by this time familiar to ev^>v^H|
were walking along the Rue de Rr<? v,->
ktg big placardsT&i which werj ?>
"War is Declared." jAv indigni ?> af
gathered around* them, tore up ther^ ^ J3,
jjju \^ould have ifi trfeated the officer^^^
^ttimelyf^r^val of policemen,
^^ ^hem^^d/.aarche<lthese salvationi
m bank cashier.
the mcnmtains as a man of rare
pluck, besides being considered of exceptional
ability as a financier. His first notable sucjesses
were at Deadwood, where, during the
troublesome times of that wild region, he contrived
to keep the value of bis securities far
n excess of his loans without making enemies
In tie banking experiences of a mining town
this is unusuaL Yet, strange to say, Mr. Wood
is noted for seeming extravagance in his concession
to emb&rrased friends.
The explanation is simple. His judgement
of men is almost unerring. A story illustrative
of his character is told by Black Hills
ncmirers. It was said of him that he refused
heney with such suavity and grace that the
applicant usually left with an involuntary
vnn" Ms lins ffna^av fhnnrrh
It. Wood found his persuasive eloquence
ad explanations vaiD. A logg haired bullvhacker
from Sidney, Neb., who insisted on
tb immediate cashing of a draft of $500, refoed
to complete his identification or deposit
th draft for collection. UI am sorry," said
211 Wood, his patience finally exhausted,
"hit you will have to more along. I have
biiness to attend to."
Well, seo here, Sir. Cashier," exclaimed,
th^idney man with a round oath, "you'll just
ten to my business first or Til give you these
SECills."
Tie cashier looked down the mu^zlo of'an
*Clirevolver. He neither moved nor paled.
"bn'fc do anything in a hurry; you might
nev< nave time to regret ray friend," said
he. !f you will gently pass your finger along
the m of the counter there you will find the
mouUpf a double barreled shotgun; it is
loadefljrith slugs. I have my finger on the
triggtt , Get. or I will let her go at you."
Thelullwhacker, his-pistol hand trembling
and kfcjjes bulging from their sockets with
fright,^xplbred the counter mechanically
with hi. disengaged hand, finding a gaping
hole in pjfc of where he stood he dropped his
weapon ud didn't stop to say farewelL The
conceale shotgun was one of the precautions
of frontr hanking.?New York Star.
) r :
xearat "Five Seconds.
I was stitig with a police official at hi*
office, ancjrve were discussing some fantastic
Story, wli(i an employe came in and sat
down besip us, leaniyg with bis elbows on
the tabfell Icoked nt>, and said to him:
"You ha*% forgotten to make the soup."
"j>o, no; *ene vrim me. v> e went out together,
gadg ncroa ions: corridors, I waiting
behind "where I had been
bcoughi TlgAiwnt into a wing of the
house whicW knew well, and which led to
the class rotns. Under the stairs he showed
me a stovo :m which stood an oyster shell
>*fth a litte white-^Klnt in it (I had been
mixing waer colors' the evening before).
ttBr.t y?n btfe forgottni the vegetables. Go
ft) the ptJrte, at the (Aher end of the courtyard;,
you ill fine? deni there on a table."
I waited foia long time: at last I saw him
making sigriat me that ho had found nothing.
"It is i the left hand side," I shouted,
and saw hi; cross the yard, coming back
with an inuense cabbage .1 took a ldiife
from my po<et, which I always kept there,
and at the jomeut when 1 was going to cut
the vegetabU was awakened by the noise of
a bowl of sap being put heavily on the marble
top of tletable next to my bed.
It appear) to me that the idea of soup was
suggested t<mo by the smell, at the moment
when the ?or w?s opened by tho servant
bringing inhe soup while I was asleep, and
it takes fiveocondsat the most to walk from
the door to tie bed.? Revue Soientifique.
A Had rrtctice Indeed.
In his aiicle on 'Loeksley Hall and the
Jubilee" Ml Gladstone referred to th-> ancient
oustonof the government of opening
private lettes at the j<stofllee whenever it
saw fit. "THs bad practice," he wrote, "has
died out." t is a pity be did not add that he
himself had leen the last minister to indulge
in the "bad practice," *iich he did, in spita
of Postmasth- General fciwcett:s earnest opposition,
as lately as February, 1881. He at
that time ojinied and reai all the letters that
passed throtgh the postffice fer and from
three of the chief Irish l^ders in parliament.
?The Argonaut
Fato or a
Mr. J. D. Redding, a mu$eap enthusiast
and a musician of rare talent;-"while serving
the state as fish commissioner, conceived the
idea, it is said, of getting up a frog opera. He
made the rounds of the restaurants, and,
after much time and trouble, secured a tenor
frog, a ljasso frog (the bassos wero numerous),
a l>aritone frog and soprano and alto frogs.
iHo then locked himself up in his room for
three days, refusing food of any description,
with the exception of chicken tamales and
crayfish salad, a diet which is said to have a
peculiarly stimulating effect upon the musical
faculties. When at the expiration of
that-time the door was opened aad the
composer released his best friends would not
have recognized him, so emaciated had he be#
come from the strained mental effort. He
had done the opera, but the faithless member
of the Bohemian club, in whose care he had
left the opera company, regardless ot the
sanctity of his trust, had yielded to his base
appetite and eaten them. Whereupon Mr.
Redding, it is maliciously alleged, tore up
his opera in a rage, and refused to listen to
any apologies.
' The tenor was .tougli," said the wretch,
"but, Joe dear, the baritone and soprano
would melt iu the mouth."
.It was a pity that this catastrophe should
have taken place, for the frog is by uo means
unmusical, and in skillful hands might have
astonished the community. "It was light but
pleasing," said Mr. Redding, referring to his
opera, "and might have raked in a j>ot of
money if put on immediately after 'Polar
Star.' However, the man who ate my company
is punished. Ho has got the gout, and
the betting now is that it gees to tho stomach
and kills him, and I hope it will."?San Francisco
Call.
It Cured Him.
Apropos of a fashionable craze, the following
story illustrates itself:
A little Detroit boy was sick, and his
mother sat up at night with him and sung
him to sleep.
The next night singing had lost its charm,
so she told him stories, and, being an amateur
elocutionist, recited the poem, "Rock of Ages,"
with such dramatic effect that he went to
sleep and did not wake until morning.
The following night he w as worse, and in-,
sisted that his mother should "pway" with
him.
She began "Our Father," but was peremptorily
stopped by a little hot hand laid against
her liDST
Then she essayed "Now I Lay Me," but it
threw the baby into a feverish rage.
"Pway, Mamma," he commanded, "pway
Wock of Wages' all over the room, the way
1 you did last night."?Detroit Frso Press.
> The IUce Betrayed Him.
A young man, wearing a tall black hat,
i walked into a Clark street sample room yesterday
afternoon and called for somo liquor.
When ho had emptied his glass ho drew a
handkerchief from bis overcoat pocket and
wiped his mouth with a flourish. As he did
t so, howovor, hundreds of kernels of rice fell
' upon the floor
"Been getting married?" said the man back
of the bar.
"How do you know?" inquired the man
with the pln^Mt.
"Sa J kerc h ief."
the old
upon
leaked
look a
hadn't seen
^ bh, I'm (bridegroom
C^^ll right in his * ^0,( bat you know how it
r? is. A fellow doee. vant to look too much !
liko one when h<? .way from home. Look
Iiko an old timer, ddnt I? Thanks. Let's all
have a good drink."?Chicago Herald.
i
beits me," ai ihe egg re-j
Iked when it saw the spoon.
? caa'TTTB-a mrious world," my barber
, said yesterday ; "nobody ain't satisfied.
TWjr ?De in my
grease
A
rm.It, BDU IUO
re carl his
to pass the
afternoon witff^Hr3octor's little
daughter was given two pieces of
candy. When he returned bis mother
inquired if he gave the largest
piece to the little girl. "No, mother,
I didn't; you told me to give the
biggest piece to the company, and I
was the company over there."
A gentleman in New Orleans was
agreeably surprised to find a plump
turkey served op for his dinner, and
inquired of his servant how it was
obtained. "Why, sab," replied Sambo,
"dat turkey war' roostin' on our
fence three nights ; so dis mawnin I
seize him for de rent of de fence."
"What pretty children you have,"
said the new minister to the proud
mother of three little ones. "Ah, my
little dear," said he, as he took a girl
of five on his lap, "are yon the eldest
of the family?" "No, ma'am, re- '
sponded the little Miss with the usual |
accuracy of childhood, "my pa's j {
i older'n mo." j j
I heard a gentleman ask au old j j
1J I.I.a Via /tnnld Vlfl va ! ,
W0U1U mac, ^lUflUCU UO kuuiu UUIV | L
any three things he wonld wish for. j
The old darkey replied : "Well, j
boss, de fuss ting, I take a fifty-dollar
cote in money, den a fine suit of
clothes, and next a barrel o' rice, j
Den, boss," he continned, "if you let
me take another wish I'd take four
gallons o' good whiskey." f
"What's the matter, Mrs. Tompkin
?" asked Flamly of his landlady.
"You seem down in the month." j
"Matter enough. The new boarder <3
has gone off without paying a cent of j g
board. He owed me for four weeks. | v
But I don't regret that so much as I
do that I let him have his board for
six dollars a week when I should have j
charged him seven. I'll never make a B
redaction again."
The Sunday-school teacher was tl
impressing upon her class the im- ^
portance of honoring the parents, p
"Now, children," said she, "when you
are naughty and cross, your mamma d
does not want you to be near her q
where she can see your naughty ways. S
But when you are good she loves' to
have you by her. Now Tommy, when
do you think your mamma loves you A
best?" "When I'm asleep," replied p
Tommy, stoutly. "She says so." h
Hovr tbe
Ail Old Negro Man's Plans
His Wife.
la the Negro-American, a large anS
ambitious magazine jast started in
Boston in the interest of the colored
race, is the following "How the Strike
Ended," by Uncle Rnfus :
"He was one of the Sons of Rest,
and from the day that he became a
member his wife has had to support
not only four small children, but their
father as well. It was early in the
morning, and the wind was howling
oatside, and the thermometer 10 degrees
below zero, when he said to his
wife as he tncked the bed-clothes
around him : "Wife, I'm heartily in
u? ntriL-ova whn arfi
tSy Willi iud ovuavftw ??
now asserting their rights all over the
country agaiDst the grinding heel of
monopoly.'
" 'Indeed,' said the wife, with a
strange light in her eyes.
" 'Yes, 1 am. The time has come
when we laboring men are forced to
protect ourselves; and I've half a
mind to join 'em for the sake of the
great principle involved, if for no
other reason.'
"'So you're in sympathy with the
i
great striking element, are you ?
Well, it strikes me that the clock is
striking 7 ; so you just strike out of
bed and strike a light; then strike
out for the wood pile ; strike the ax
into some of it ; then strike a fire in
the kitchen stove, and, then strike for
the well and get a pail of water. By
that time I'll strike out and get
breakfast ready, and after you've
strack that it strikes me tbat yon bad
better strike out and strike a job, and
see how it will strike you to earn
some clothes for your ragged youDg
od68 to wear.'
"And as she strock out of bed be
struck for the door, and thus ended
one of the most threatening strikes
of history.'"
< Girls.
by a boy.
Girls are the most unaccountable
thiogs in the world?except women.
< Like the wicked-iifi'^."'1-! imj ujjiUT
iHmn nrw tlljj
j I can't cypher out a girl, proper^!
improper, and you can't ^either. The
only rale in arithmetic that hits their
case is the doable spifc-of two. They
are as full of Old Nick as their skin
can hold, and they would die if they
coaldn't torment somebody. When
they try to be meun they are as mean
as pasley, though they ain't as mean
as they let on, except sometimes, and
then they are a good deal meaner.
The only way tc^get along with a girl
when she comes at you with her dooQflnan
in tr? tior tif. for fcf- nn<3
*, ? ft* ?V,
that will flummux her, and when yon
get a girl flammaxed she is as nice as
a new pin. A girl can sow more wild
oats in a day than a boy can sow in a.
year; bat girls get their wild oats
sowed after a while, which boys never
do, and they settle down as calm and
placid as a mad paddle.
Bat I like girls first rate, and I
gaess the boys all do. I don't care
how many tricks they play on me?
and they don't care either. The
hoity-toitiest girls in the world can't
always boll over like a glass of soda.
By and by they will get into the
traces with somebody they like, and
pall as steady as any old stage horse.
That is the beaaty of them. So let
them wave I say ; they will pay for it
1 A - J
3ome day, sewing on uuctoos ana |
trying to make a decent man of the
feller they have spliced nn ftfid ''**
^ujuu aib tfch Lu one li they don t
jet the worst of it.?Ex.
He Blamed Moses.
"Vhell, sooch lock as my brudder
Closes has bad in Chicago vhas j
snongh to discourage an hone-t j
nan/' he said, as he shook out and
olded np another pair of paDts.
"Trade bad ?"
"Trade vhas so flat dot two dollar
rests go begging at six shillings, bat
lot vhas all right Moses vhas a
;ood man to hole on. Dsr trouble
ash be got bnrnat oudt."
' "And no insurance ?" 1
"More ash four tonsand dollar. 1
lot der company breaks down dot 1
ame day, nnd so he lose eaferyting.'' i
' Tnn bad. If Moses had known j 1
hat the company had failed there ;
rouldn't have been any. fire, I sup 1
086?" j?
"Of course not. I blame Moses I 1
ot he doan look in der daily papers I J
nd keep himsef posted."?Wall i ?
'Ireel News.
Some women are awful "tetchy." ^
. widow Dot long ago stopped her j
aper because it said her husband j
ad "gone to a happier home." i ^
7
day last summer^^^^necongW|P^^W^M
: tioo was drowsy. The preacher was V H
a long talker, and after his sermon
j bad been spread out over the better i
part of au hour the congregation was - ' ..j
drowsier. Heads began to drop on fj i
the ^respective chests thereunto appertaining,
ancTToog, deep breathing?
became noticeable in various parts of
the church.
Then the preacher began to lower
his voice gradually. Step by step he
reduced his elocution from a fortissimo
tenor pitch to a low, soothing
bass until eventually his voice died
out altogether. He looked carefully
over the congregation. All was still
l ? a.t. "XT? ? ? #*/) All moro
j as ueaui. x>U uuo gmiou. aii noiw
nodding. Then the optics of the indignant
servant of the Lord filled
with gore.
He leaned over the pnlpit, away
over, waited an instant in that position,
and then saddenly he yelled
'Fire! fire!" in a voice which sent
its reverberations through every nook
and comer of the edifice. That
brought the congregation to life as
though a bomb bad burst under
them. One old deacob jumped up
and yelled :
''Where? Where ?"
That's where the gag came in, and
the minister shrieked in tones of
thunder:
'To bell! In hell, for all you
sleepy sioners!"
Only strangers sleep in that church
dow.?From the Pittsburg Press.
A Bad Scare.
A good story was told of a certain
young man of Schley connty, who is
living on A. L. Beckwith's place.
He went to bed ,a few nights ago,
after having heard ghosts talked
for an hour or two, and went
Some time about midnight
bis room awakene<J->diij5^,^^8^^^^^^^H
TfihMI ^'aud I
7 liguaij aioeif^bl^ IM
chasing each other up and down
spinal column, and he began to jy"
"Oh, Lordy! please let me off/Y?
A single barreled gan was near\^
ucu c*Lili uu icauucu luiiu ula uauu
to get it; casting bid eyes toward the
window, be tboagbt be saw a form B|
moving abont and beard a noise Wt
under tbe bed. With a yell of terror
the young fellow dashed through
the door, breaking it from the hinges
and rushed into the hall, where he
met a litte negro whom be capsized, '
and rushed out in his night clothes.
It is said he ran four miles before he
was overtaken by some laborers on 1
the place, and carried back. What 1
the noise was that caused his fright, 1
was not ascertained, but it is supposed
that a rat was gnawiDg about
the room, and the unfortunate young
fellow took it to be the clanking
I bones of his ghostship as he strode
about the room. He has left for
other quarters so we learn.?Sumter
(Ga.J Republican.
Love in Forsyth.
A young man from Jackson county
brought a blushing girl into town last
week, too young for the license law,
bat after two days and a night of
anxious efforts, he came and halted
in front of the store^^kich ^
manded to be "cemented." Now the
'Squire is a strict observer of propriety,
and withal an exceedingly modest
man, hence protested against a
street ceremony. "Bat I want witnesses,"
argued the young man. "I
want witnesses, und er heap uv 'em.
Yer see, they've all bin fightin' it, her
main UDd my mam, her dad uDd my
dad. Mam wanted me ter marry a
grass widder with no back hair,
'cause she has a muly cow what works
iu harness und brings twins every
year ; but I don't want no stock in
that sort?I don't. I'd rither live
with this gal und eat turnip tops UDd
cow peas, I had ; and now we wants
to be cemented right here in the
3treet" Bat the weaver of nuptial
knots finally prevailed on ihe couple
to come in doors, where the ceremony
5va8 performed after the most approved
pattern, when they made a
:*sak for the highway, the groom
rorgetting marriage fee or even a ro al
lhauk'ee.? Gumming (Ga.) Cor'espondent
Atlanta Journal.
That the oyster is nutritious,
Quite exquisitely delicious,
is a statement that can never be denied,
But ha suddenly grows vicious ;
Toward your stomach quite malicious,
rVlten he's fried.
; /
r /.
jJ