The Union times. [volume] (Union, S.C.) 1894-1918, January 01, 1904, Image 3
frpjtMil M mil to C
We here handled Dr. XofTett'e TKKTHINA (Teetl
and trade aa a proprietary medicine, and onr trade In
. now amount to two or three hundred (roil per year, whl
la airing to the mothers of the country, 'or they say not
Mtiu or QTocoomas so quickly the troubles Incident to
THB LA
DER GERMAN
COBBLER
Naw Day Policeman on the Beat Inform a
Hani What la Expect #d of Him
[Copyright. 1903, by C. B. ]
DER odder dny dcr JleWpoliceman
on our bent conies In my
place to Introduce liiiuself. I
bad six shoes to mend und
vhns singing und linppy. Dot policemnns
stands In dcr door und swells
ouat ins stomach und coughs like some
groat maus-und says:
"Dutchy, I vbas dor new day patrolman
on dls bent, und I like to speak
a few words to you."
"My name vlias Hans," I says.
"Don't you talk back to uie, old
mans. I say yotir name vlias Dutchy,
und vhnt I say goes. I hnf heard of
you. You vlias a mans who should
be taken down a peg or two ijow und
den, und I vlias here to do It. You
must understands somet'lngs right
uvhuy. I rhas a bigger man dnn der
mayor-of New York."
"How can dot be?"
"Vhat! . Vhat! Don't you belief I
has? Look oudt, old muns. I vhns
also a bigger man dan der governor."
"Vhas dot possible?"
"I'll show you before a week vhas
oafer. I vhas also a bigger mans dan
der president of der United States,
und rlien I pass your door you shall
put your hand on your heart und bow
down to me. Hnf you got dose things
fixed in your mind?"
"Maype I haf," I says.
"Dere vhas no maype aboudt her.
You shust remember who I vhns, or it
hill be bad for you. Der odder mans
on dls beat vhas changed off because
he don't feel bigger nsb an aldermnns
und let millionaires be too familiar inlt
him. Don't you get it in your head
I vhas dot kind of a man. Der mans
who tries to get familiar mit me vhlll
haf some broken heads right avliay.
Don't you eafer speak mit me unless I
glf you leaf to do so. Haf you got dot
'fixed in der top of your head?"
"I won't speak to you at all," I says.
"Vhat! Vhat!" he yells oudt ash he
grows red in der face. "By golly, but
if you don't speak to me all der time
I shall send you oop to Sing Sing for
fife years! Tell me you vhlll Bpeun. ?
me?tell mo queek!"
IITVV _et m w -? ? "
vueu, ui-u, i mail apeaa iinr vcjii.
IXX)k OUdt, old frytno.-J * vfrtftl YOU
^ ihw' r'-^-r-'tnr pnt a mighty big buzz
Mff. Let pie .(ell jou some more. If
yon like to keep frlendta mlt roe you
hill ha/ ? growler of beer here so dot 1
1 onrik ash I pass by. Being n great
;?Fwi*^*7ttiana utMj waiklng oop und down makes
m? thirsty, und It vlias for common
peoples to buy me beer. You sbust fix
dftt In your mind or dere vhns some
troubles. Haf you some growler now?"
I don't belief I haf, but I haf somo
water In dot pitcher oafer dere, und
you can help yourself."
"Water 1 Water! By dot big liae ^
spoon, but If you talk dot vlm?< *m|nyou
vims a cripple for lifeline tnrcu- f
ntes! Do you beiiet ivu^Cater? You *
.
^otflriieart shall ne?&- Dere vhas som4t'ings
else to apeak of, und you listen to j
me und don't draw your breath vhile I (
talk. I shall expect you to keep my ]
shoes in repair mltout cost to rue und ,
be glad to do it, und you can begin tomorrow.
You shall flx 'em oop ash good
ash new und of der werry best leather.
I shall also bring some shoes for my
wife und children und mnype for some
frlendts of mine. You shnlj make good
Jobs of It or yon shall near rrom iur.
Do you understand, Dutchy, or must 1
go at It und sandpaper dot old head of
yours? Der work I bring In shall keep
you busy all der time."
"I don't work for nobody for nottlngs,"
I tells him. "If I works for nottlngs
who buys my leather und pays
my rent und bow does my family live?"
"Vhatl Vhat!" he yells ash he almost
bumps oop und down. "So I haf found
a man who defies me to my face, haf I?
By my soul, but do you know you vhns
on der edge a* der grave und dot In ten
seconds more you vhas a corpse! Listen
HALF-WAY POINT.
Hundreds of Union Citizens
Know Where
It Is.
Hot sick onough to go to bed. Not
well enough to do your work. Itching
Piles irritate Vou all the time. .Eczema
or any itchiness of the skin makes life
a misery to bear. Doan's Ointmen<
cures all itchiness. Plenty of proof
that this is so. Head what a UnioY
citizen says:
L. Ubele, baker and confectioner 01
*'T fc.va ttfWV
Main Mtreet, rays; * u.,v.
Doan's Ointment and found it to be ai
represented. It is the only remedy 01
the face of t)ie earth that I know wil
core itching piles, one of the most try
ing and irritating afflictions there u
Doan's Ointment procured at Holme<
Pharmacy will cure the affection an
(do it at once. You are welcome to ui
my name as one who can speak to th
effect from experience."
For sale by all dealers. Price 50c p
box. Foater-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y
Psole agents for tbb United States* K
member the name?DOAN'S?and tal
AQ other.
Cares Cbofen - Infantum,
PPPPMHi Diarrhoea, Dysentery, and
I * 11 mthe Bowel Troubles of
Children of Any Age.
" yFjBlAlds Digestion, Regulates
.rOWDIIwlHB the Bowels, Strengthens
.1. .1 n. , i.i. the Child and Makes
bis ai Druggists, teething easy.
. J. MOPPKTT. M. D., ST. LOUIS, MO.
ATLAXTA. Oa., Nor. 19. I'JIKI.
hlng Powders) mr sines tta flnt Introduction to tbo publlo
it Cm steadily ImumiI from you to year until our order*
eh It every atroix erldeeoe of I te merit end the satisfaction it
thing eo effectuelly csaatstacts the eflecU of the rummer's
> teething.
If AH a KAWPW DBUQ (XX. Wheleeele Dmsrlsts.
' to mo, oldt mnne, und listen like you
neffer did before. Maype you vhas
deaf und don't hear vhat I said, but
you shall flz oop my shoes or I'll make
it so hot for you dot you vbas roasted
In cold weather! Dere vbas somct'ings
more, too, und you keep right on listening
mit all dose big ears of yours. 1
can't smoke vhlle on duty, ash dot takes
nvhay my dignity, but vhen I goes off I
like to put a good cigar In my month
und swell aroundt nnd put on style. It
vhill be your business to buy me three
good cigars eafery day, und you paste
dot In your hat."
"Vhy shall I put lilm in my liatl" I
asks. "Don't It do If I put blra on der
floor or in my pocketbook ?''
"No, you oldt idiot! You paste him
in your liat to make you remember.
It vhas three clgnrs a day, uiul each
one vhas 10 cents. Ilaf you got dot
fixed in your mind, or must I take you
by der neck to make you remember?"
"I don't belief I liaf. If you like to
drop In some time und wisit me tind
smoke my pipe dot vims nil right, but
mnype you had better bring some tobacco
along mlt you."
I speak dot vhny to dot policemans,
und he vbas so raadt he can't talk for
five minutes. He shust stands und
looks at me mit eyes like a mad dog.
Vhen he can speak at last he calls me
more ash one lioondered Dutchmnns und
Idiot asylums und den takes me by der
hair und knocks my head against der
wall. Vhen I recovers my brains nnd
feels 1 vhas alive again lie says:
"Now, do you belief I vbas a bigger
man dnn der president of der United
Stntes? If you don't belief so you shall
haf some more of dot same kind. It
vhas three cigars a day, I tell you, und j
each one vhns 10 cents. If you ring In
a poor one on me at any time I vlilll g
make you eat it oop. Listen to me a
some more, oldt mans. About 3 o'clock f
in der afternoon I like a bite to ent, der o
same nsh all great mans. It shall be y
cheese und crackers und beer. See dot I
you get der best und put him on a n
clean plate. Tou shall haf htm ready a
for mo tomorrow. Do you hear me, or 'I
must I stir you oop some more?"
"I don't belief I do," I says. P
"Oh, you don't, eh? You still think *
I vhas only a common policemans in- ^
stead of der biggest man in der world. \
Well, let us see a leetle aboudt dot."
Den be grabs me und chokesv me
und bangs my head again, und vhen
he lets oop I belief I . ^bas-dead.. fen t
u7oW, und my ears vhns buulng like ?
m. be Myi: t
"If you Yhaa deaf I aball make your a
ears all right before I Yba^-donc. Vhen *
a Dutch cobbler jpets out to defy dpv "U1
biggest man in America it vbap^0 he
time somet'ing vhns done. IS^'growl-. jm,
your mind, oldt mans. Itjjfe a djiflfy. yyo
er of be^r four or flvf^aUyflfelunch- "
vhas three good about 3 Sh
four hours: it v***
eon, nilt plenty ip?<>on; u thus iu
o'clock in der der shoes of my inr
cobble my,v charge. Let's see If der 1.1
famlljM* mdre? Oh, yes! Sometimes Ar
vb?g man like me don't haf some ha
iiange in his pocket. Vhcn be don't wr
ic comds in here tb borrow a dollar of m<
ou, und you vhlll band it oafer r. D. m<
}. Do you know That dot means?" ea
"He means dot I don't lend somebody
l dollar," I says.
"Oh, he does, eh!" shouted der poicemuns
ash be hauls me all oafer der
ihop und pulls my hair und punches
my ribs und bangs me mit his knee.
"Stand oop dere und look at me vhlle 1
to vou. I shall be out of ?a
nt\J KTVtUV* ?0- ? w
ghnngo tomorrow und drop In here und "*
crook my finger like bo. You lmf der ^
dollar ready, und you hand It onfer like e(
some lightning. If you don't"? - w
Und he shakes mc till I belief dot all gi
my teeth vhlll drop oudt on der floor, w
I don't say nottings, und ho stands me ?
oop uud looks at roe und smiles und tl
says: ' c
"How vhas It now, Dutchy? Vliaji S
you der biggest man In der world or ^
vhas 1? It takes me a leetle vkile to
make you see somet'lngs, but I guess
you haf your eyes und your ears open
after avhlle. One t'lng more, und I go
oudt on my beat und let der poobllc sec
how big a man I vlias. I see you haf
some theater bills in your shop window
und so you get some deadhead passes.
You shall save 'em all und glf 'em to
me for my friends und family. If I
catch you. going to der theater I shall
break botlr your knees mit my club.
Maype you vhas a leetle deaf, und so
I shall make sure dot you bear me."
Mlt dot be bangs me all around once
more und glfs me a punch dot leafs me
dead on der floor, und vhen I wake oop
he vhas oudtdoors und my vlfo was
bending onfer me una saying * TUUO |
six veeks In der hospital. It looks to
5 me from a cobbler's bench as If I shall
f1 baf some troubles mlt dot pollcemans
before I get through. M. QUAD.
1 / A Possible Con(lBK?ncr,
1 "Remember, my boy," said the old
9 man to hli son, who was about to
[{ Join the army, "never talk back to your
officers."
"But, father," Inquired the young
j' American anxiously, "supposing they
,d talk back to me?"?Syracuse Herald,
te
Xiow Better.
"They say Brown la ten years ahead
?T of his time."
? 4" "Well, Ifs not true. IIo's six monthi
behind. I'm his landlord and know."?'
nhtiHiim Journal.
I
' " !ir- v f- **
g* mm?mm?
//a/r Falls
? #
"I tried Ayer's Hair Vigor to
stop my hair from falling. Onehalf
a bottle cured me."
J. C. Baxter, Braldwood, 111.
Ayer's Hair Vigor is
certainly the most economical
preparation of its
khr * on the market. A
-^Ule of it goes a long way.
It doesn't take much of
it to stop falling of the
hair, make the hair grow,
and restore color to gray
hair. si.? w?u. Alt tri||lili. |
It your druggist cannot supply you, I
Mod us one dollar and we will express I
you a bottle. Be sure and giro tlio name I
of yonr nearest express oflTce. Address, I
J.C. AXER CO., Lowell, Mass. I
Mystery of the Gnme.
Just howl when others do, and you'll be
right;
Stand up and wave your flag and stamp
and shout; .
What enro you If you never do And out
Who won that long continued, bloody
fight?
The gnmo Is simple; where tho mystery
lies
Is In tho college yell that rends the
kles!
?Cincinnati Times-Star.
The Reason.
Yeast?Did you ever notice that when
the question about obeying Is put to
women In the marriage ceremony some
of them answer louder than others?
Crlmsonbenk?Oh, yes; I've noticed it.
The ones who say "Yes" the loudest are
the ones who know their husbands will
never dare to ask them to obey.?Yonkers
Statesman.
FREE TO OUR READERS.
Botanic Blood Balm for the Blood.
If you suffer from ulcre, ecz-ma.
crofula, blood poison, ameer, eating]
ores, itching skin, pimples, boils, bone/)
ttins, swellings, rheumatism, catarrh/^
ir any blood or skin disease, we advirf
ou to take Botanic Blood Balm (B. I g0
1.) Especially recommended fur oh
bstinate, deep seated cases, cures wliei . r
11 else fails, heals every sore, makV .
ho blood pure and rich, gives the sk,' "
he rich glow of health. Druggists, I ft
er large bottle. Sample st-nt free/ nu
rritiDg Blood Balm Co , Atlanta, (f *el
)escribe trouble and free medical r
ice sentdu seal letter. Medicine sd co'
L once, prepaid. F. C. Duke. l\wl1
iioit It llappenpi. / I l
"I don't know now exactly hA
mctra-xrtVV v*
?r meant to propdl^owf-^^tliat
*S?S steSZ}:**?
bussing tjjpn broke tnroug? (the
red ouVnew where I was. It cnuje ^.0
jT'deuce of a shock Just as I shoidd hc,
"glne breaking through real ice
BuWessle was all ready for roe. ?
e was exacting it First thing I
bw she had roe by the collar and Tl
ided me on safe 'ground a go In. >" ca
was engaged. No doubt about rnt
ivhow I'm glad 1'vo got her MW? bl(
vi* lost ber through some slip ov
.Ited But 1 don't want to read any ^
.boot ,,
Bring out proposals. Its an ot
?T ?_Xow York Times.
When th- sea is smooth we hrve
Figbt Will be Bitter.
Those who persist in closing their
irs against the continual recommenition
of Dr. King's New Discovery for
snsumpiion, will have a long and bitx
fight with their troubles, if not end1
earlier by fatal termination. Head
hat T. K. Beall, of Beall, Miss, has to
ty: "Last fall my wife had every
rmpton of Consumption.* She took
r. King's New Discovery after everytiing
else had failed* Improvement
ame at once and four bottles entirely
ured her. Guaranteed by F. ('. Duke.
)ruggist. Price 50c, and $1,00. Trial
mottles free.
Boston I.nd lp<,
Mrs. Brown?I was down town yesterday.
I didn't know but I might meet
you.
Mrs. Greene?1 wns down town. too.
and I'm awfully sorry I didn't see you.
Little Johnny Greene?Mn, don't you
remember we saw Mrs. Brown's- dog.
and you said, "Come, let's burry nway
from here; that old cat must be somewhere
near!" Wbat old cat did you
mean, mar?ooaiuu jiaunvni^.
Hla Kataral Imqnlry.
"Yon have spinal trouble," an Id the
physician at ths conclusion of hia examination
of the able editor.
"Well?ah?h'm?doctor," returned the
Journalist, "how much do you charge
per column for treatment in such
cases?"?Town Topics.
Revolution Imminent.
A sure sign of approaching revoltjaml
serious trouble in your system is nervousness,
sleeplessness or stomach upsets.
Electric Billets will quickly dismember
the troublesome causes. It
never fails to tone the stomach, regulate
the kidneys and bowels, stimulate the
liver and clarify the blood. Hun down
systems benefit particularly and all the
usual attending aches vanish under its
searching and thorough effectiveness
Electric Ritteis is only 60c, and that Ii
1 returned if it don't give perfect satiafac
' i tion. Guaranteed by F. C. Duke, drug
r ?
V ' * *
\1
.' ' * 0
=
Bowser Rep
* sl Diary
Mr./*. B., However. Came
Across the Boole, and Its
Contents Enlightened Her
[Copyright. 1903, by C. B. Lewis.]
ON vnrious occasions since 1<
New Year's doy Mrs. Bowi
noticed Mr. Bowser ninki
sly entries In a noteboc
but, though having considerable cu
oslty in the matter, she asked no qu<
tlons. lie might be making notes f
the plot of a play, or he might be J<
tjng down statistics to work into li
ifcxt speech. The other day, howevc
us she was hanging up a coat whl*
hp had carelessly left lylug arour
tjic notebook fell out, and the lot
standing mystery' was solved. It wi
not n diary, but Mr. Bowser had jo
t<d down facts and figures as follow
t^ be used when occasion demanded:
|"Jnn. 1.?Complain that she is u
too much coal and hint that she
me home to find the DOORBEIili out
or OBDEB.
Ulng a part of it to add to her Din
oney. She will probably deny the
t>utntion, ,)Ut you must firmly in t
on retrenchment In this direction,
y that your coal Is costing twice as
ich as Green's, and if she denies it
l Green to lie about the matter.
*n?i 1?'7I.t, 18 alwny* ln to
?S?rV Baa b,,,s' no
n .y ?re '*r8>er or smaller than
month before. Mention your susth"t
8l>g beeps three or four
^ locrwiing-atrtyJ,
ir ? thcre '? ?"y IncreasT]
Jhat sI,e
? poorhouse. TlTe^v^ ??nd you to 1
man economical la to complain OT
r extravagance.
Feb. 1.?Mrs. B. had the audacity
s evening to laugh at a poem I had
nposed.. I passed her action over
: the time belug, but It will keep.
iere will come an occasion when 1
n charge lier with bursting a water
[>e to make me all the expense posslt.
State that your plumber's bill is
er $500 per year and all on her acunt,
and don't take off a dollar. No
ater pipe ever bursts unless some
le around the house bits it with the
"Feb 15.?Today Mrs. Bowser lost
;r purse containing 40 cents. Bear
wnzz&'s , ,
* - *
*
ft
ft
t * % tsj&r->:I
* 1**
%% #
? *** 9
." "
< f! ^ V.
I
TUB CATS HAD DUO UP SIX ]
that In miiul for n future occaslo
' Stick to It that the amount was $0.
and declare that she is not a woman
be trusted to go downtown with an
thing beyond her car fare. If she i
torts that you have lost your pock
book on threw different occasions, dod
the issue by denouncing the extra1
gance of the weekly milk bill. De
everything; admit nothing. That is 1
only way to get ahead of Mrs. Bows<
"March 3. ? Came home tonight
- - nrti.I.
flml the doorbell out or oruer. me i
tery bud probably run out, but wh
ever we have another scrap Mrs. B<
ser must be charged with having
, llberately yanked out ten feet of w
t Declare that It costs you $100 per y
i j to keep that bell in order, and d<
> I take off a cent. She may lay It
11 trniups and peddlers, but don't let
' dodge it.
"March 15. ? Came home to fin
tramp at the basement door. Mrs. E
1 I aer lad Jut tended Mm out a ?
* 0
V l ?- ? /,. ^ " ' -*v
i i iiM?ant;. V
J wlch. Bo' ' Mm out of tho yard, b
|T didn't say hlng to her; kept It f
future- ami* uuitlon and expect It
prove a big thing. At a proper thus
shall declare that she has fed at lea
5,000 vagrants during the last year
my expense and that the cost bus bo<
at least $1,000. Don't let her squlr
out of it by any talk about charity.
"May 10.?Discovered that Mrs. Box
ser gave one of my old vests to a tram
yesterday; didn't say much, but*At wl
be a good thing t6 bring up later 01
When It Is brought up, you want 1
claim that there was a twenty dolla
bill in one of the pockets and that tli
iet amount will of course be stopped froi
ier her pin money. Make a whole suit ov
n8 of the vest and declare that she give
away half a dozon a year. If she seem
r'" to be getting the best of the arguuien
?* which doesn't seem possible, lug in th
or fact that the ice has been left outdoot
}t* to inelt on more than fifty different o<
caslons this summer. She muy try t
'r. lay It on to the cook, but hold her wit!
*h a firm hand.
"Juno 1.?Brought home a palatini
by an old master, and Mrs. Bowse
xs laughed at it and declared that I hn?
been taken in. I think 1 was, but
* showed her the pieces of a broken plat
ter found in the back yard nnd prove<
that her shlftlessncss wns making j
'8 poor man of me. Broken dishes, stra]
I clothespins, battered tinware nnd tin
I like are good things for argument
Don't let Mrs. Bowser lay it off on tin
! lust girl that left, but bold'her ll^ht tc
the murk.
"July 1.?Came home this evening to
find that during the day the cats bad
dug up nnd eaten the six hills of Enrly
Rose potatoes I had planted in the back
I yard: held xfr? **-??
I '.t. ~ 1 """persouaily reJponsJWe
of course, and had much the
i wTrIr? "wment A Kood idea to
!wwk ?" ln tho ^ture. The wife who
i rrnn * ^?U C?t8 dI^,n? UP t,,e Potato
.n M ,n.ever "fts n hand to pro vent
, la not looking- out for her husband's in<
terests Mrs. Bowser made excuse that
I It must have been done when she waa
j downtown, but I made it plain that she
i t*? "? b"s,ness aw?y from the house.
It Is her duty to stay around and watch
out for cats.
"July 20.?ThlngB look as if there
would be another family row soon, and
it will be well to remember and hurl
| at Mrs. Bowser the fact thutshe bought
a gold ring of a peddler for $4 and it
, turned out to be nothing but brass.
Speak of her general Incapacity; bear
down on her extravagance; call attention
to the fact that you have never
been taken In and done for; wind up
by hinting that after this you will not
feel justified in leaving any loose money
in tho house. If she makes a strong
defense, remember and call up tho fact
that out of twenty watermelons personally
purchased by her thus far this
season all but three or four have been
green and totally unfit to eat.
giggled. I Intended to raise a r*W- ~
ttjMn I got home, but thought of a bet- *
tcr thing. The next time we have a^ j
discussion I shall spring It MW.n j
r^mh^^ and'thnT WfSSSTimhU
try to put the pepper box into my cigar
case. It is the duty of n wife to
see that her husband makes no such
mistakes. If the discussion Is pretty
hot, you can say that half the collnis
and cults you buy are used for flatiron
holders or kindling wood."
Here Mr. Bowser's memoranda came
to an end, and Mrs. Bowser sat down
and wrote under them:
"Take Notice.?When the next fnm!
ily discussion comes off, accuso Mr.
I Bowser of buying eight different and ?
worthless fire escapes, two new milk
cows which went dry in a week, three
? ilia J
1IILL8 OF EAltLY HOSE POTATOES.
W
in. family horses which went blind 01
40 lauflc, four dozen hens which never laic
to an egg, three pigs which squealed al
ty. night and had to be turned into tin
re- street, two balloons which wouldn't g<
ct- up, one bike win en ue uuuuui ..uv
Ige stock in four worthless mines, one rn
ra- exterminator which only increased th
ny number of rats and a hundred othe
the tilings too numerous to mention."
er. Tho book was left on ids dfesscr, dn
to us he seurched for a collar button I:
,nt- saw it and renlixed that his case lin
en. been flung out of court. When he lis
}W. rend tho "annex," he descended to tl
de- sitting room, and, stnndiug stiffly b
Ire. fore Mrs. Bowser, he said:
ear "KTndnm, remember who I am ni
un't who you are and don't try any of yo
: to sarcasms on me. Should you thh
her best to go back homo to your moth
Jet n\e say that the train leaves at
d a In the morning and that a divorce c
low- b* arranged for without publicity."
ttdrl U. QUJUD
I TflllMH
at | A NATURAL BAROMETER.
or
^ i Tlie Hattler'n SUIn Snmli Wktl
T Storm iK^PprokcklBC.
"It is going to rain within six hours,'*
. said the man, with provoking dellbcration.
Tiie sun was shining brightly,
and only a few Moating clouds broko
111 the clear blue of the broad sky. "Rata!**
said the other derisively. "And out of
" that sky? You're a pessimist. You alJ|
ways carry an umbrella."
"I'll bet you a good dinner that It win
a' rain within six hours," the first speaker
? replied with imperturbable good nature
( and gravity. The bet was made, and
' the bet was paid for by the man who
" doubted. It rained in less than four
| hours.
8 | "Now, if you will come around to my
8 room I will show you how I knew It
' | was going to rain," said the prophet.
0 j who was without honor in his own
8 j country. So there they went. Now the.
prophet was an original sort of a chap
J5 and 1ms fastened on the walls of
room many strange things of the sen
nnd forest and field. On the floor were
? flung skins of bear and deer and mounr
tain lion, nnd on the wall near a win*
dow stretched from the top of the high
1 wainscoting to within half a foot of the
" floor was the grewsomc skin of a giant
1 diamond back rattlesnake. The prophet
1 pointed to it and said, "There's my seT
crct."
5 Tlie skin was dripping wet. Tha
sweat, so to speak, stood out upon Its
' scaly back in huge drops, which would
' swell and swell and silently run to*
g,7*ber in little streamlets, which In
turn would run1'1 down In an avalanche
of other drops nnd reacn ???r with
a splnsli like a great tear. Ever7tbln*
else in tlie room was as dry as the v
humid atmosphere of a city after m
thunderstorm would nllow.
"That's my barometer," said tho
prophet. "I killed the snake myself In
Florida nnd had it stripped. The sddn
is not tanned, blit just preserved, Ilko
rawhide. I lind noticed In some of
I the coasting boats along tho gulf shorn
little strips of snnkeskln hung up In
the cabin. The captains had told mo
they could always tell when a squall
was coming by watching this skin. I
have lind that for three years now, and
It has been far more accurate that tho
weather observer. No matter when
ho * 11 "
"*"L "'umauoua of a storm m.w_
themselves felt in th? m,k*
SfSaa--ftS5S
beginning' to sweat, if th? ?
f? P?*?*e. because the air is dri J n^f
In summer. nw tba? \
J,iy.','Y. *?e "MkMkta rtouM be M'
conditions I do' not know" 'ton
expert snake handlers and student* mf
roptdo life. but ?.... ? *
In barometers. There's something grewsomc
and mysterious al>out It, I'll ad*
lilt, but It tells the truth as accurately .
as the most expensive gloss" ttmr wmm
rrTBuneT"*n"aitul- -nndjall. It
Teelinlonl, Also.
"You see," said the young man who
was explaining the mimic war, "the attack
is carried on the same as In actual
warfare, except that the missile*
arc only technical. Now, suppose that
I am commanding a brigade and I
should be charged by a regiment of
the enemy"? i
"Technically?" nsked the young woman.
? "Certainly. And suppose they fired
upon us"?
"Technically?" repeated the young
woman. i
"Yes, yes. And I should be encouraging
my men to make a last stand"?
"Technically?" .
"Of course. And I should get in
range of the enemy's fire and should
be shot through the brain"?
"Oh," interrupted the fair damsel,
"I know tlmt wouiu nave to ik? itcunically
too!"?Baltimore American. j
Wrltlna m. "Book."
"I would like," said the youth,. "to
write a great book. How shall 1 go
about It?", ^
"Don't, I bog of you!" said the novelist.
"Write one that pays, as I do, or
else?study law."
"I do not care to write a book for the
sake of the pay," said the youth. Ho
was very young and must be forgiven
for this. "Perhaps, after all, 1 had better
be a lawyer."
So he became a lawyer, but the old
ambition to write a great book came
over him again.
"Anything but that," said a friend
to whom he told his with. -ir you uou ?
like tlio law, be n doctor."
So he studied medicine.
. In time, ltowever, this palled upon
[ him. lie still thought of that book.
I He felt that he had a mission.
a j "You could do so much more in -the B
j pulpit," said another.
So he preached until the hollowiMM
t of 1t came over him.
e And he left the pulpit
T One day he woke up and found that
the rreat wnfl written. And ha
laughed at the thought.
l0 1 "It was not I?It was the lawyer, the
,1 doctor, the clergymnn and the other 1(j
man who did It."?Smnrt Set.
Ie i
a. I Work off Art.
I "Did tli? critic nay anything wbca ^
I you told him 1 had sold that picture
1 5 to an American millionaire?" naked the
ur i ., . ?
. artist.
* j "Yes; he said "Well done? " respond
ed the close friend.
* "Ah, ho meant the picture?"
"No, the American mllllooatre."?-Dondon
Spare Momenta.
' v: ' '* * 'isS^rf:
* . t" y 4*^V5|