Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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iM fOU DON' A TO I To search for our bt ' ment in our store te as you have never 1 u-' * of.%JA 1 -4~ ? w r it id a yy ix a vi/ j And energy to contj high prices for good themtfromus at su Prices. It is not by accid< * grown to such imm< \ * ' * Our Constc , / .J f *,JK . O a aw ui v c nic uitttica money is the main dented success. W. T. BE/ F. Q. Auste "HANS7 PHlJiOSOPHYT ' HE TRIES *T AS A SCHEME TO INCREASE HIS BUSINESS. r t_ Tke Plnu Fulled to Work, However, an the German Cobbler's 8a?e oi? ervnllonR Did Not Take Well With lite Callers. . [Copyright, 1001, 0. B. T.ewia.] It vlins dor butcher on dor next corner who coines in my shop one day und looks nroundt und says: "Hnus, how she vhas dot you don't rush some peesnessV" "Pecause 110 peesness comes nroundt," I snys. **But you should make some peesness come around*. Py golly, but If I vlias I ^ *'l VIIAH AtiSO A l'KHiOHOHIlKB." :!>h4 in your place I would hnf my plug lint uml gold beaded cnne In four weeks! I know more hhIi tell t'ousnnd peoples who like cement patches on deir shoes, . but dey don't colue to you pcenuse you don't luif some brains. It vlias sorrowful to ace a man sit still und go pv der poorliouse." "But vhnt can I do?"*I snya. "I vlilll tell you. 'Did you onfer hear of dot man named Diogenes?" . "Did lid llf in Philadelphia?" "No, sir. lie llfs lu (Jrcece a long time ago, uiul he vlias a philosopher. Dot juan vims so poor dot he Ufa In a tub gnd eats turnips, but py uud py 1h> vlinN ropflt niiit fninono Tf vlmu nil py bis philosophy. You kuow vhnt philosophy Is, don't you?" "Of courpre. If you linf a boll 011 your leg. you must be glad dot It aiu't on your reck." "Exactly?exactly. Vhcll, Ilnus, you sltall Ik> n philosopher. You shall put oop sighs on der walls, uud 1 shall tell ? all der peoples, uud In a leetle time eaferypody vbill ho talking aboudt Hans dor I'hllosopher. 4 In two weeks f '?o naooch work conies in dot you shall hire two men to help you. In one month all dor dago cobblers vpas gone out of peesness. You keep a lectio ? quiet und we spring e surprise op der )>odblleX I doi/t know a bond t him. und my 'qW r ? > . V r NEED iRCH LIGHT irgains, every depart ems with prices such >efore seen or heard ste of Money inue paying old time Is when you can buy ch rediculously Low 3nt that our trade has ense proportion. mt Endeavor t Value for the least stay of our unprece ITY & CO. 11, Hanager. wire don't know nboudt him, but maype she vhas nil Iv. O. In two days dot butcher makes nie foefty signs to hang oop, und he tells more ash one hoonercd peoples dot 1 vhas Hans der IMillosoplier. 1 don't get my shop open In der morning before a mau kicks on der door. Vben be comes In. he says: "nello, Hans! So you vlias going In to bent old Dlog, eh? 1 like dot. 1 shall rend your signs und bring In some shoes to be fixed." He looks all nroundt und reads, und pooty queek he says: "How vhas dls? Mnype you like to Insult me. eh? Dot sign rends dot R mau mlt n third wife vhas Hflug next door to a fool. Do you mean dot 1 vhas some fools pccnuse 1 vhas married three times?" 1 "1 dou't pelief I do," I says. "Vhell, vliat do you mean?" "I mean some philosophy." "Oh. you do? Vhell. let me tell you somet'lngs. 1 can lick you In one minute by some clocks, und If you dou't take down dot sign pefore noon you vhas a wrecked ujuii. I haf some philosophy, too. und you better look oudt for me." It makes tne feel bad dot I lose my tirut Piulntiioi* niwl 1 --* ? uui sij^u down. Th u*n minutes a womau comes in init tVo'shoos to lie lixed for seexty cents. Slic vhns an old customer, und I like her. "So yon vlias some philosophers, chV" she says to tue asli she looks nhondt "1 vlias." "So vhns I. und I shall bring you all my shoes to cobble. Let me read some signs. Iln. ha! litit vlint you mean py dot sign which reads dot blenched luilr und brain fever don't lie on der same pillow?" "It vhns philosophy." I says. "Oh. it vlias! It vhns philosophy to insult your customers, vhus it?" "But I don't Insult you. womans." "But you do. My hair vhns bleached pecan so I like to be a blond, und dot sign menns.-ritt*1''1 haf any brains. <J1T me back doso shoes. You may be some philosoplter all right, but I take my > 'work to some d.igo who don't make fun of uie. Cobbler, you vlias a l>old, bad man. und If you g!f me one more word 1 v11111 wreck die shop und break your heart." When dot womans goes oudt, my wife comes In und says dot butcher vlias a fool und vllill ilrlf na Into linnlr. ruptcy. It looks (lot vhay to mo, too. but I don't do nottings petore n foller comes In und sliouts oiult: "Good morning, old philosophert How you vims? Dot butcher vhas telling 1110 nboudt hor, und I vhns glad of It. Vlint dls locality vhants Is n philosopher. und 1 pollof you make a big sooccess. You haf got oop some signs, oh? Vholl, I road 'cm oafer und don prliifpyon In some work." Ho roads for two minutes und den says: "tico hero, cobbler, can yon make some pcesness py Insulting custom, ers?" "Who vhas Insult-you ?" I sn.vs. "It vhas you. Here vhas a sign dot i BH.vs no o.'imnenocu man sltould seek to run a comb factory. I vbus baldbeaded, und you like to make fun of me." "But I dou't neffer see your bald head pefore." "Don't lie to me. cobbler! Ten times I vlins In dis shop uilt my but off, und ten times you see my baldness. You like to liaf some sliokes on uie pecuuse my liair vlins gone avbay, but you lind oudt dot she don't pay. If you vblll couie oudtdoors, 1 sliull make your heart ache." 1 don't go oudt, und dot bnldhend vlins still py der door vheti a big fat nian crowds him avbay und conies in und says: "Vliat vos It nboudt ITans der I'hllosopher? Vlins it you, cobbler?" "She vhns," 1 says. "How vhas you a philosopher?"" "I don't know." "Vhero vhas dot philosophy?" "All nroundt you. I.ook at dose signs." lie reads two signs und laughs. He ii iius ihu more nun says 1 runs a true philosopher. Den lie reads one uiul gets red mlt Ill's face und says to ine: "Cobbler, how vlias It vlien you say dot fat maus may jar der earth, but i lean mans make its history." "I don't exactly know," I says. | "Vhns I too fat?" I "I can't say." I "Don't I liaf some brains?" "I don't know." "Vliell, let me tell you somet'ings. I vhns also a philosopher. I vhns sooeh n philosopher dot 1 grab you like dis, ( und slam you around so, and make < your heels crack und your hair stand ] oop, und if you don't took dot sign 1 down in two seconds you vhns a dead ' man." I vhns some sorrowful man vlien be J goes oudt, und I send for dot butcher und tell liliu how she vhns. lie scratch- ( es his bead und thinks uiul thinks, und i py und py he says: < "Ah, now I see how she vhns! I put < In some of my old signs py mistake. Dey vhns ali right to sell country sausages in a butcher place, but dey vhns 1 all wrong to pring some cement patches Into a cobbler shop. Mnypc it vlias better If you go fishing und let philosophy haf some rests." M. Quad. i < The >loit I nm of tlic Tint. , I SomrthinK In the Game. Brassie? Niblick Is no fool?nt Ions*. < he has sense enough to clxmge his mind. Lofter? Yes? Brassio?He has always maintained ! that golf Is a stupid game, but he was 1 hit in the head by a ball at the links yesterday. When he came to himself, he allowed there was something in the game, after all.?Boston Transcript. < Self Enteem. I "Yes," said the youngster's mother, "Mr. Bllggins insists that our boy Is going to grow up to be a wonderfully 1 Intellectual and estimable man." ' "That Is only a natural parental > pride." \ "Perhaps. I am not quite sure whether it is parental pride or belief In heredity."?Washington Star. A Change of Tnefleii. "Mame says she doesn't expect to en- t Joy herself so much as usual at the if shore this season." "Why not?" 1 "Oh. she's Retting on. you know, and 1 her mother tells her it Is time she made 1 an engagement with the intention of * keening It."? Philadelphia IHilletin. 8u? scribe for The Timrs and keep 1 l>osted. r ^ I FOR SA1 A WORTHY SUCCESSOR. "^Something New Under The Sun.'' All doctors liave trie<l to cm CATAKlttl by the use of powders, acid eases, inhalers ami drills in paste foru Their powders dry up the mucuot membranes causing them to cruck one and bleed. The powerful acids used i inhalers have entirely eaten away th same membranes that their makei aimed to cure, while pastes and oin ments cannot reach the disease. An ol and experienced practitioner who h:i formany years made a close study an specialty of the treatment of CAT A UK II has at last perfected a Treatment whic when faithfully used, not only relievi at once, but permanently cures TAlvHll, by removing the cause, stoj ping the discharges, and curing all it tlamation. It is the only remedy know to science that actually reaches the a flicted parts. This wonderful remedy i I\"un 11 ?1M ii.N i; r I' IjIM IMC M t A l< .\ A TEED CATARRH CURE," and is sol at the extremely low price of One Dollai eacti package containing internal an external me<licine sullicicnt for mouth's treatment ami everything in cessary to its perfect use. "SNUFFLES" is the only perfec CATARRH CURE ever made ami i now recognized as the only safe am positive cure for that annoying and di.gusting disease It cures all inflam; tion quickly and permanently and isals wonderfully quick to relieve 11A1 FEVER or COLD in the HEAD. CATARRH when neglected ofte leads to CONSUMPTION?"SNUF FLES" will save vou if you use it a once. It is no ordinary remedy, hut complete treatment which is positivel guaranteed to cure CATARRH in an form or stage if used according to th [Erections which accompany each pact age. Don't delay hut send for it at onci and write full particulars as to your cor iition, and vou will reccivo special ac vice from the discoverer of this wor tierful remedy regarding your case witl out cost to vou hevond the regular prie of "SNIKKLES" the "GUARANTEE] CATARRH CURE." Sent prepaid to any address in th United States or Canada on receipt o One Dollar. Address Dept. ^ EDtVIl It. (ilLES & COMPANY, 2330 and 233 Market Street, Philadelphia. Pa. 16-ly The Commissioners of the Distric of Columbia have begun a ooncerte< effort to persuade Congress to chang [naugu ation Day from March 4 t Abril 30?a date when, the weathe may be expected to be decent. W wisli thorn luck. Heretofore th trouble ha-- been a luck of persist^nc in the port of those desiring th chang'e, 4 YOUNG I<ADY'S LIFE SAVEl rlt Panama, Colombia, by Cham hcrlain's Colic, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy. Dr. dins. H Utter, a prominent phj iic'an, of Panama, Colombia, in a recer otter stales: "Last March I hart as .atient a young lady sixteen years c ?ge, who had a very bad attack of d\> ntery. Everything I prescribed tor he proved ii elleotual and she was grow in worse eveiy hour. Her parents wei >ure she would die. She hart Iwcome s ?eak tliat, she cou'd not turn over i lied. What to do at this critical mom nt was a st udy for me, but I thougli ?f Chamt.ei lam's Colic, Ch--lera an Diarrhoea litinedy and as a last, resoi l-i< sei il ed it. The most wonderful rt -ult was effected. Within eight liout he was feeling niucli Ik ttei; inside ti hree days slie was upon her feet, and a he end ot one week, was entirely well.1 For sale by F. C. Duke, Druggist. The steel trust is capitalized, in duding bonds, at just about, douhl he sun of the values of the differen ilants before amalgamation. It pur loses to pay dividends larger thai lefore on ilonhle the vnloatinn I inything more necessary to sho\ ivhere the public com^s in? A Superb Grip Cure. Johnson's Tonic is a supeib Ciri| aire. J* ives every trace of Grip I'oi ion finm the system. Does it quick IVifhin an '-our it enters the blood am jegius to in .tralize the effects of tin xtison. Wi. iiiua day it places a Gri| dctim l<eyon the point of danger A'ithin a week, uddy cheeks attest re urn of perfect nealth. Price .'>() cent f it cures. Ask for Johnson's Chill am JVver Tonic. Take nothing else. 13-ly UUAF ?E AT HOLMES is en I)ys[M>j>si;i in unrecognized in n| d 9 half tin* ruses. It deceives the 95 l.l^g unknowing Rufleror. Its many W? '' I raj variations work along the weakest Ej3 M i lines of the system. To hutlle 3E against only one of them is vain. Si ^ ! P8 Our l>ooklet explains its symp- |S3 n 5K toms. Our Dyspepsia Tablets give p. S complete ami lasting relief. ug *1 GILES' i '! S Dvsnpnsia Tahlptc 95 . 10c., 25c. S v and 50c. o J SOLD BY UNION DRUG CO. ,1 UNION, S. C. l() Apparently authentic rumor* nie i* prevailing in Europe that Russia and Germany will join hand* to atop the _ South African war unless it is end d it by next Spring. Let us hope that A the U era can hold out that long. >' _ *m' o A Cure for Cholera Infantum. >, '"Last- M ?y," says Mrs. t'ustis Raker, i- of liookwaiter, t tlii", "an infant child I- of our Leighh u 's was suffering from ?- cholera infantum Ti?e doe > or had given i* up all ho(>es of rteoveiv. 1 took a lsittle e of Chamberlain's Code, Cholera and Diairhoea Remedy to ihe house, telling theui I felt s ue it would do good if used 9 according to diteelious In two days' time the child had fnliy recovered, and is now (nearly a year siuc?) a vigorous, healthy girl. I have lecounneiided this Remedy frequently and hive never known it to fail in any single, instance.'' For sale by F. C. Duke, Diuggist. * Illinois is having a test of the ,|< e negro question in a couple of towns M1 0 where laborers of that rsco have been s r imported to work in the steel mills e She dosen't seem to like it any better ,,, c than the South. I, v __ _____ Look Carefully { ' To Your Kidneys Dr. Jenner's lt 1/ j rv a a j iviuney r\\\s i T 1 P cause the kidneys to work as 1 ? nature intended they should, ti They build up the shrunken 'j walls of the kidneys, as no (1 known remedy has been found b t to do before. k g As a cure for urinary troubles ii they have no equal. c. h io. 25, go Cents us SOLD BY UNION DRUG CO. UXlOX, s. c. Last week according to official reports, Britain expended nearly 'eight 1 million dollars on the war and cap- 1' 8 tared *24 Boers, Keep it up, John b< v Bull. ! V Military rule has been re estah-: lished in four of the eleven la? gc is- tr lands of the Philippines. Yet the . war is over! D m - r.. 1 Health Ofhcc Honrs. ai P (J p Will be in my otlice, at the Council Chamber, from 10 a. m. to 12 m. every I I day, Sundays and hobdays excepted, tor s | the convenience of citizens wishing burial tn 1 j permits or to transact any ntlu r business S) I pertaining tn the office. c 2t??tf. W. 1). ii A it IvtS. ** ' tANTEl & MOORE'S PHAI # One of the counts in the Schley >rec< pt asks why ho did not attack lie Spanist fleet as it lny in new at he mouth 01 the harhor. Prohnbly )r the same reason that Sampson iter wnt? hod them lying there for ix hours without attacking them. ?? Every woman loves to think of the time when a soft little body, all her own, will nestle in her bosom, fully satisfying the yearning which lies in the heart of every good woman. But yet there is a black cloud hovering about the pretty picture in her mind which fills her with terror. The dread of childbirth takes away much of the Joy cf motherhood. And yet it need not be so. For sometime there has teen upon the market, well-known and recommended by physicians, a liniment called Mover's Friend which makes childbirth as simple and easy as nature intended It. It Is a strengthening, penetrating liniment, which the skin readily absorbs. It gives the muscles elasticity and vigor, prevents sore breasts, morning sick| ncss and the los3 of the girlish figure. An intelligent mother in Itutler, Pa.. I snys: " Were I t<> need Mother's Friend n-cain, I would obtain U bottles if I had to pay per bottle for it." Get Mother's Friend at the drug: store. $1 per bottle. THE BK4DMELD REGULATOR CO., Atlanta, Ga. Write for our free illustrated book, " Before liuoy U Hern." The Fiscal at Havana evidently isen't know his hu-suo?s. It is nheard of for a subordinate to n tort > crushinglv to the Secretary of War id Attorney General who sought to rilool on hitn the responsibility for clay in the Neeley trial. ? lon't Force Your Bowels with harsh minerals which always leave bad after-effects on the entire system, and where their use is persisted in, tend to completely wreck the stomach and bowels. ..USE.. *MLACY\ 7* % . Confections The only harmless, vegetable, owel regulator, and liver vitalizer nown. As pleasant to the taste as indy, and as positive as the harshit mineraL No gripe or pain. S3* to, 25, 50 cents. SOLD BY UNION DRUG CO. UNION, S. C. 1'icjyune mail rubbers both in tbc hilippines and l'orfo l?ieo have ion landed behind the bars in one iro order, but Neeley has so far esipod?and declares positively that i never expected to be brought to ial. Chuniliei Iain's Colic, tlnli-ra and airlioea Remedy ha-* :i world wide potation lor it cures. It. i.evei fails id is pleasant t > take. Foi ?aie by F. . Duke, Druggist. 'PI.. ?Ml l ? iiu ui>uinrv win novor Know now uch fun ir is losing through havii g ihjeoted H'wovi-lt to the soporific efc 8 of the X'ico-l'i osi'i. n \y.