C{?e S?latt jjmau aito jsouljpE. WEDNESDAY, APBIL13,'?2. DIDN'T MISS MUCH. Interesting Eminente on the New? of a Day by & Woman with No Glasses. The mas on the seat ahead of her was reading a newspaper, and after gating settled in the midst of her parcels and bundles and regaling herself with a pinch of Scotch snuff, she leaned for ward and said: gj "I don't git much time to reaji the par pers nowadays, but I allns like to bear what's goin on. Is there any news in per?ckler?** 'Nothing very exciting,*" be replied, as-beszed her np .ont of the corner of ins eye. "Here's an item about a wife killing ber husband.*' *?Shoo! How'd she do it?" "With an ax/* "Law me! Wall, she probably stood it and stood it until she couldnt etand it no more. It's awful bow some bus bands do carry on. Anything else?* "Here's an item about a woman in this state who drove her husband to suicide ly ??nggrng bim.** "Shoo? Jeet kept jawin and complain in from mornin t?jadight, 4 -suppose, and be finally got -tired that be took pfzen?** ; "No, be bung himself.** . "Wail, 1 don't blame ber a mite. He : was probably shifflees and Lazy, and it spilt her temper to see things goin down hill. Shell have a chance now to git ' married to a better man.** "And here's a case,** he continued, as be pretended to read, "of a wife and, mother who ran away from home with a i tin peddler, leaving a husband and sev eral children behind.** "Shoo! Does it give the perticklersT* "It says she is supposed to be a little. fiighty in her head.** "Wall, she.aint a bit flighty* She^ done jest right. 1 know purty ??gh now it was. She had all her housework to?lo and them young 'uns to take keerof?^dJ tSe husband was probably frnain TsLult* ?Q the time on top o* that She jest slaved and slaved till she couldn't slave no more. Some folks think a woman-can bear everything, but they can't. l'spose ? the youngest child was purty small?** "Only seven months old." "Wall, she probably hated to leave it, bat it would have been weaned in aj corple of months anyhow, and the father km bring it upon a bottle, it'll serve him right if it squalls half the time.-) Anything else?** "Why, I notice that a woman has just; married her fifth husband, and isn't fifty years old yet. Her neighbors are 80 indignant that they talk of driving ber away.** "Lai Got her fifth, eh? Wall, if I*| Was that woman the nay burs might talk and blow and be hanged to 'em. I ain't fifty years old, nither, and I'm a- vin with my fourth, and dont keer how soon J be gees. I was powerfully deceived in" "Dtf you saythat you'd marry again if he should dier uS&rdn, and I wouldn't wait over six montra, either. Some folks think a wo man aas no rights, but she has, and she's a l'eoi if she don't assert 'em.** : "This may interest you,** ??id the man, as he turned the paper over. "A St. Louis doctor declares that the feet of women are gradually but surely grow ing larger, and that in the next fifty years to cdng^every one of them will want Ne. shoe. " "Shoo! fie says that, does hef " ? ." "Ard he's a doctor?" "Yes'im* * "Wall, he hain't t?ld tt? staS?in?iewe. ?*ve been w*3arin No. Ts ever si ace I was a gal sixteen years old, and Tve got the smallest f ?t of any woman in our town as it is. 1 did feel kinder sorry when 1 diskrvered that I'd left my spectacles On the, kitchen clock shelf at home, bat if that's all the news -the papers kin rake up i guess I hain't missed nothingr? New York World, Gare for Musical I astro ments. Neither a piano nor an organ should be left open at night, or habitually when not in ose. The changes of temperature are very hurtful to the tone of any in strument, and especially the gathering of dampness, which not only interferes with the tone and quality of the strings and reeds, but is very likely seriously to affect the works. Pianos in particular should be kept in as even a temperature as possible, since they are much affected by alternations of heat and cold, dryness and moisture; if thus exposed they re quire very frequent tuning, and are not Satisfactory in action or tone. Care is also equally desirable in regard to other Stringed instruments?the violin family, banjos, guitars and like. In all of these the strings are much affected by expo sure to dampness and great changes of temperature. All fine instruments should be habitually kept in cases lined with baize or flannel.?Good Housekeeping. A Marder Explained. "Jule," remarked Brutus as he strolled into the great Caesar's tent, "did 1 ever tell you of the fight I once had among the Allobroges?" Gets off a long, windy tale involving the single handed slaugh ter of eleven ferocious barbarians. "Brute, my boy," remarked Caesar solemnly when he had finished, "1 ad mire Gaul, especially Transalpine Gaul, but still I must say that you remind me ofa harp shattered by the lightning of great Jove." "How so?" inquired Brutus, unwarily. "Because you're a blasted lyre," an swered Caesar. And from that day forth Brutus began to meditate on the Ides of March.?Yale Record. Adriee from Confucins. That the use of tea was universal very early in Chinese history is borne out by one of the maxims of Confucius, the wisest man of China, when he said: "Be good and courteous to all, even to the stranger from other lands. If he say mito thee that he thirsteth give unto him a cup of warm tea without money and without price."?Philadelphia Times. The amount of temperance drinkf consumed in England or exported an nually reaches the enormous total of 350.000,000 dozens._ Killed the Bear with a Penknife. A big yearling bear was killed on Fri day on Little mountain, near Parkers burg, W. Va., by John Hall, seventeen years old, and Mont Black, twelve years of age. The boys were coon hunting in the mountain when the dogs treed the bear. They had an old single barreled shotgun, loaded with bird shot and an ax. They fired the load of shot into the bear and brought the animal down. Then the dogs attacked it, but they were beaten off. One of the boys ran in and struck at the bear with the ax, but did not hit it. Young Hall then drew bis pocketknife and went at the bear. He was pretty badly scratched and severely bitten on the fingers, but stuck to the tarnte until he cut the bear's jugular Tern The boys dragged home the body : triumph.?Cor. New York Sun. CdPlons Marrying Mistake. At the parish church of Brierly Hill, ou the borders of the Black country, a carions mistake occurred a few days ago. A bridal party by some means oc cupied their wrong places, and the bride was married to the best man, who was engaged to marry Re? sister. During Jhe ceremony the bride had som? Mea ;-that the proceedings were hardly as they 'should be, as the bridegroom stood be hind her and the best man, and handed the ring to the latter. On the other hand, the best man made the necessary responses. Happily the error was dis covered before the register had been signed and the ceremony was gone through a second time, care being taken that the right man was wedded to the bride.?London Tit-Bits. Chinese Justice. 7>ormg a recent riot at some place be itween Tong-Tu and Kalping, the mob destroyed a good length of the railway that had recently been carried through the district. The local mandarin, Instead of using the forces under him to quell the riot, sent the soldiers to assist in the evil work. The embankments were leveled for some distance and the rails thrown into the river, and an attempt was made t to destroy the bridges. Mr. Kinder, the [ head engineer of the line, laid the state of the case before the toatoi of Tien-Tsin, who is the head director of the under taking. The toatoi sent f or the man darin. "To please yourself and friends," said he, "you have destroyed iihe railway track. To please me yon will put it back just as it was before. If in one month from today the trains are not ttinning as before you lose your head, and your family and ancestors are dis graced. "Mr. Kinder estimates the damage and loss by nonrunning of trains at 50, 000 taels, which sum you will have to pay out of your own funds to the com pany. "For labor, all your officials, soldiers and townsfolk will work as you direct, receiving no money for their labor, and all salaries are stopped until the repairs are complete. I shall appoint a board of punishment to return with you, with power to torture and imprison anyone who makes the least disturbance or trouble. ** The mandarin begged for mercy on the plea that, as the country was all un der water, he could not possibly get mud and stone wherewith to build the embankments. The toatoi saw the force of this plea and said he would give Mm a chance. fie could pull down any of his forte that he liked in order to provide ma terial for the'repair of the railway, and he would give him three months after the railway was completed to rebuild his forts at me (the mandarin's) expense. In less than three weeks the trains were running again, and the mandarin and his agents are now rebuilding the forts.?Cor. London Truth. Fish Swallowed His Watch. A rather strange as well as amusing incident happened on board the schooner ?. Clara while at sea Saturday on her way up from Rockport They were jweH out at sea where the water was ?.bine and clear and the wind very light, when one of the passengers discovered -a large fish which is known in those waters as a linn, following close behind the boat Several of the boys were soon leaning over the stern admiring the fish, when one of them accidentally dropped his watch overboard out of his overshirt pocket. It was a large old fashioned Swiss silver watch, and when it hit the water it glanced off sideways and darted on its voyage to the bottom of the sea, but. the linn saw it, and as he is a fish that bites at everything that shines, re gardless of flavor or taste, opened his huge mouth and swallowed the watch at one gulp. The surprised and chagrined young man says that the watch had just been wound up and was good to tick away for twenty-four hours at least. The fish seemed to enjoy the meal, and followed leisurely after the boat for 3ome time.?Velasco Times. Earl Grey. Esrl Grey's illness is regarded with much anxiety in his native county of Northumberland. He will enter his ninetieth year in seven weeks' time, and his prostration at the beginning of win ter is seriously viewed by his friends. Earl Grey was sitting in parliament for Win chelsea some years before Lord Sal isbury was born. At one time he seemed destined for high office, but soon after his father's (the premier) death he devel oped a cross-bench mind, and has since then been increasingly dismal in his forebodings of national decay. He is passionately fond of his home at Howiek, close to the Northumberland coast, where he has buried himself for many years, occasionally reminding the world of his existence by his long and old fash ioned letters in The Times. His heir is Mr. Albert Grey, some time member for the Tyneside division of Northumber land, and now better known as a direct or of the South African company.? London Star. The Grave of St. Patrick. A tourist, who has been visiting Down patrick, writes on the subject of the grave of St. Patrick. He says: "What I saw was tins?a hole such as animals or poultry might scrape, with a few loose stones, apparently thrown in where the earth had been taken out, and laid across the opening was a stone slab, evi dently of great age and with traces of carving upon it, broken into three frag ments. There was nothing else." The modern cemetery near by was neatly kept In explanation it was said that euch veneration was attached to the grave by some that they could not be prevented from taking the soil bit by bit The neglected condition of this grave bas recently been brought before the Royal Society of Antiquaries of Ire land.?Exchange. Mr. Field and the Queen. Cyrus Field is one of the few Ameri cans who have a standing acquaintance with Queen Victoria. Mr. Field's part in the laying of the early Atlantic cables obtained for him a presentation to the queen that meant rather more than such things usually mean, and the acquaint ance of many years ago has been kept np by occasional meetings and commu nications of one kind or another.^-New York Sun. A Beautiful Rainbow. One of the beautiful sights on last Thanksgiving day at Bedford was a rainbow, remarkable because of its posi tion; it was located almost in the zenith, with its arc turned toward the south audits extremities reaching northwest and northeast, respectively. There was no appearance of rainfall anywhere while it was visible.?Indiana Mail. A Cricket Rowling Machine. ? Recently a patent bowling machine for the use of cricketers, for practicing purposes, was exhibited in England, where the unerring aim of the mechani cal cricketer knocked out the middle stump of the most expert batsman that stood before it. The length of pitch, di rection and movement of the ball can be produced within wide ranges with great facility. The aim, sighted as after the manner of marksmen, is regulated from a dial, and the ball, thrown from a re volving iron hand, is capable of bowling over or under hand with great accuracy. ?New York Telegram. Divorced in Fifty-seven Seconds. In the district court at Gal veston Fri day the suit of Mattie Brooks against her husband, William Brooks, was on the d'octet for trial. The case was called oy Judge Stewart, but the defendant did ftot appear. The plaintiffs attorney arose, f?fcd the* petition, alleging the statutory Requisitions and setting forth the cause of action, put a witness on the stand and examined him, and secured the sanction of the court to the entree of a decree of divorce, all having been done in exactly fifty-seven seconds.?Exchange. Mining from a Balloon. Think of a mining enterprise con ducted by soaring aloft in a balloon. There are many ore producing ledges on the precipitous sides of hills in the Rocky mountains. These ledges are so lofty as tobe inaccessible by ordinary methods; therefore, Mr. S. C. Rees, an experienced miner, proposes to reach them by means of an anchored balloon. This will en able him to secure foothold on the ledges and make entrances through the sides of the precipitous hills.?Yankee Blade. An Alternative. Bobby?I'm afraid, papa, that you will have to get me a new suit or a new pair of skates. Father?Why so, my son? Bobby?Because the skates I have now are so old that 111 fall with them and tear my clothes, and I won't if I have a new pair.?New York Truth. Bowie's Original Knife. Ten days ago Colonel John R. Davis, of Mississippi, who had been a resident of the Old Men's home since a year ago last April, received a stroke of paralysis. This was followed in a few days by an other, and then a third, which proved fatal. The deceased was a cousin of Jefferson Davis, and during the war was the col onel of a Mississippi regiment known as the Tigers. Colonel Davis had in his possession the original knife constructed for Colonel Jim Bowie, who, though a native Kentn^?Jty-moved to Texas and married the daughter of ex-Governor Veramendi The knife was said to have been invented while Colonel Bowie was confined to his bed in Natchez, suffering from the effects of a wound he had re ceived in a border fray. He was a man of great mechanical ingenuity, and whittled it out of white pine as a model for s hunting knife, which he sent to two