The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, April 17, 1913, Page SIX, Image 6
TOLD HIS WIFE A GOOD JOKE.
And Then Accused Her of Having No
Sense of Humor.
Englishmen are often accused of being
unable t<> grasp the point of the
American pun. and sometimes they
may think they see the point of a joke
when perhaps they do not. An Kng
Usliman named Slorlet was walking
along the sidewalk one day witli an
American friend when the latter inad
rertently slipped and fell down
"All. my deah l?>y. 1 hope you are
not hurt! How did it happen':"
To which the friend replied:
"It happened notwithstanding."
They both laughed over the pun. and
Morley said it was so good lie was go
lng to tell his wife about it. At dinner
that evening he remarked that he had
such a good Joke on his friend Brown
and by way of preliminary, leading up
rn the nolnr of his storv. he proceeded
to tell all about who Brown was. his
associations and business connections,
how he came to pet acquainted with
him, commercial relations he had had
with him. etc until he forgot about
the story, but was reminded of it b\
the wife, who said impatiently:
"But what about the story?"
"Oh, yes!" laughing iniinoderntely as
the recollection of it struck him
"Why, you see. Brown and 1 were
walking down the street together, and
be slipped on a banana peeling and
fell down, and when ! asked him how
it happened he said 'Nevertheless.'"
And he was sore at her all evening
and declared she had no sense of hu
mor because she said she didn't sec
anything funny to that.
Thought of His Past.
Willie Collier, the American actor. ;
was in England and was invited to
spend a week end iu the country by a
distinguished and elderly duchess who
rather patronizes Americans.
After Collier had arrived and had
been shown to the great hall his hostess
came In.
"Oh. Mr. Collier." she gushed. "I am
so glad, so very glad to have you as
my guest! You see. 1 love Americans.
and I know nil about you. un. inaeeo.
yes I do! I know all about you."
Collier looked around apprehensively
"If that's so." he asked, "how did I pet
in?"?Saturday Evening Post
A Long Way Down.
Senator Dixon of Connecticut one
day brought an elongated constituent
of his. a rnnu who was six feet ten
/Itf
lAitiJJ (A
LOOKING DOWN ON HIM BY SIX INCHES.
inches tall, to call on President Lincoln,
and for the first and perhaps the
only time in his life the president was
flabbergasted by the sight of a man
looking down on hiin by sis inches.
Finally Lincoln's face was overspread
by that lovely smile of his. and
he said. "My friend, will you permit
me to ask you a question?"
"Whr portnlnlv Mr. President." the
man answered.
"I want to know." said Mr. Lincoln. I
"If you can tell when your feet pet
cold."?New York Times.
She Said the Wrong Thing.
"I shall never forpet the breakfast 1
gave to n pretty pirl when I tirst knew
her." the short man bepan. "It would
make your mouth water to hear what
It was?prai>efrult to beinn with, the
most delicate of breakfast food with
cream, a choice bridled chicken?it was
a late breakfast?the finest ol' fruit,
coffee. I can't remember the thinps
I ordered for her at that breakfast, and
What do you timiK sue said wuen mic
finished: She s:iid: 'You needn't have
gone to so inu'ti trouble. I don't en re
for anything but a couple < f eggs for
my breakfast and a piece of toast.*"
"It was the wrong thing to say. 1
will admit." sighed his wife. "I was
that girl, and 1 have been living ever
since on a couple of eggs and a piece
of toast for my breakfast"
Sidetracked.
At a time when the Irish situation
eemed critical to the officials nt Pub
lin. In 1SS1 or a certain Liberal
peer was delegated to go 'o Hawnrden
and consult with (Jladstone. Upon
his return his friends received him
with eagerness. "Well, what did he
ay? What policy did he recommend?"
The peer blushed slightly,
hesitated a moment and then mildly
remarked. "Well, to tell the truth, the
fellow was so wonderfully agreeable
that we never got on to the subject of
Ireland at all." .
j lUCILE'S other dress
BY P. W. MILLETT.
!
?????????????
Tuesday afternoon about three j
o'clock Arthur Knight telephoned me :
that he had just heard there was to be
an impromptu dance at the country
club that evening, and he asked me to 1
to with him. The only frock 1 had i
suitable to wear was my embroidered |
swiss. and when I got it out I was dis !
| mayed to find it quite mussy and
! soiled.
"Why don't you wear your pink and
white marquisette?" asked mother.
"I've worn it twice when I've been |
out with Arthur." 1 replied "1 don't i
want him to think it's the only sum !
mer gown 1 own." Then 1 threw the
embroidered swiss over my arm and |
started downstairs.
"Now, Lucile. don't have Tilly do
up that dress unless she is perfectly j
willing." called mother after me. "1 j
don't like to have extra work put or j
her in this hot weather."
I called back that Tilly need not do !
up my frock unless she wanted to ;
And. to tell the truth, she did no'
seem very enthusiastic when I firs' !
broached the subject.
"Tilly." 1 said with a sudden insni- |
ration lust as 1 was about to leave th?
kitchen, "how would you like to have
the whole day off tomorrow and go out
the suburb where your aunt lives? If
you'll do me this favor of laundering 1
this dress this afternoon in a hurry. |
you may have a holiday tomorrow, and
I'll give you the money to pay your
fare out to your aunt's." |l
Her discontented look turned into a ||
smile as I spoke Then she took the '
gown with alacrity, and it certainly
looked exquisite when she brought it 1
up to me in my room two hours later I
"Ycu are as fresh as a marguerite." |
said Arthur, admiringly, when he saw
me that evening, so I felt repaid for [
all my trouble in getting the dress l
washed and ironed for the occasion. |
As we whirled away in his car, he >
asked, looking down the street: "Isn't i
that Louise Erwin?"
"Yes, I believe it is," I said, and
| waved my gloved hand to Louise, who
looked rather astonished.
"I wonder if she wouldn't like to go
along," said Arthur, and slackened the
speed of the car. "There's sure to be
plenty of extra men at the club tonight."
"Oh. no. she is scarcely dressed for
a party." I answered, laughing. "Yout
suegestion is awfully kind, but most
impractical. You know, Louise is
quite old-maldv about wanting to have
on the proper thing."
When I got home mother was up.
as is usual with her. I almost wish
that she was under a doctor's orders
to be in bed before ten o'clock, for 1
know it's injurious to her to stay up
late, i nearly aiways nna ner nervou? i
and overwrought when I come in from
any party or little trip.
"Lucile," she said, accusingly, "I
think it was extremely thoughtless of
you to forget that you had asked Ix?uise
Erwin here to dinner. She seemed
hurt at your going away as you did."
"I^ouise is foolishly sensitive, mother,"
I explained. "It wasn't as if I
had invited her to a dinner party. I
just casually asked her to come up
and help me make some fudge which
I promised Cousin Fannie for her mission
class picnic tomorrow."
"Well, she made it," said mother, in
a crisp tone.
I had met Carl Pates' sister at the
country club that evening and had
aereed to go out to Evanston early the
novt r^nrninp tn riass the dav with her
When I pot home in the evening, after
diniu r. mother met me at the door
with a reproachful face.
"Well. I surely have had a day of
it!" she exclaimed. "I was greatly
surprised. Lucile, when Tilly left the
house this morning as soon as the
breakfast dishes were washed. She
said you told her that she could have
a holiday and she looked so dreadfully
disappointed at tbe thought of giving
it up that, of course, I had to let her
RO.
"The worst of it was." she continued.
"that Fannie had to be away on
account of her mission class picnic
ana mere was nu ou# iu ut-ip ?uc |
lunch for your Aunt Rachel, who j
dropped In."
"Dear me!" I replied. "I do wish
Aunt Rachel would have the kindness
to let you know when she is coming."
"I told her to come any time this j
week, never supposing you would d< |
prive me of a cook for a whole day." j
complained mother. "1 also had to cy ;
dinner. I must say. Lucile. that I'm j
all out of patience with you!"
"Why, mother, darling!" I cri- : j
"you would never speak to me .-<
hr.rshlv if Aunt Rachel had not intiuenced
you. She is always critici-inr
me. but 1 thought you loved me." I
"Of course, I love you, Lucile." s. id
mother, "but I'm so hot and tired tl;aT
I'm afraid I'm feeling a little on
You must forgive me. dear."
What could 1 do but tell her that
I forgave h?r?
Poor, dear mother! What a pity it
is that she permits small domestic occurrences
to disturb her so greatly'
It. would be a comfort to me if she
had somewhat more poise and selfcontrol.
Verily.
"Put when you asked for my daughter
you told m^ you had money enough,
to support her in the style she was
accustomed to," said the father who
had been touched.
"Yes; but that was a year ago, sir."
replied the young man. "Being enI
gaged for a year is expensive work J
' sir."
A
Slouiscoh
THE ARGA
f) 232 and 234 King Street
/ CHARLES
^ LARGEST WHOLESALE AND RETAIL
n Surp
9) An Event without P
(6 History. $75,000
JT Wholesale Cost an<
fg Bargains! Bars
J Abound All Over
fi All of Our New Spring 5
fl Mammoth CI
up
8 $12.98 Suits reduced to
15.00 Suits reduced to
ajx 17.50 Suits reduced to
J I 20.00 Suits reduced to
25.00 Suits reduced to
9) 30.00 Suits reduced to
{0 JJ7.50 Suits reduced to
W) All of our Dresses reduced in
J WAISTS! WA1
W) 75c and 89c White Lawn Lin
'A *1.00 White Lawn Lingerie V
*1.50 White Lawn and Linen
J I $?. 50 White Lawn and Linen
^ Write us for your wants, 1
over our store.
fl See Cliaile
Put the Load \!
F you are to
4j?IJ time and o
L2nnr have efficier
rvOf? You have i
' At i workwithou
enercrv at wood-sawing,
I stone-turning and the 1
gine to furnish power
time, and with far less e
the stock watered, the
one-tenth the expense
load where it belongs.
IHC Oil an
It is the cheapest eng
it costs less per year <
It is so powerful that
b| per cent or more abov
Perfect combustion mal
IH C oil and gas er
gasoline, naphtha, kero
Sizes are 1 to 50-horse
in every approved sty!
portable, stationary, s
water-cooled. Sawing,
fits, etc. I H C oil tract
ing, etc., 12 to 60-horsi
See this engine at t
place of business and 1
you. Or write for cata
[ernaticnal Harvestei
Uucori
Columbia
i ?n?? mm i mmmmrnarnxmmm ??
Soft Drinks Wi
Vou can use them as a stimu'ani
over." Every drink made at my 1
that's something to be remembert
children. We give dirt dust and 1
where you get service at the wink
Where every one is young, even tl
you come here you are coming hor
Candies that are made from the
ter's nap.
Cigars ?Well, yes, they are g??oi
llread just 5c the loaf?loaf her*
Meet me at Courtney's
Courtney's Cafe an
VIRGIL KIND
Kingstree,
!SSeS SS3SSS9Xl
HEN & CO , 8
iDE STORE, fl
and 203 Meeting Street, fl
THY ft C, if
A \/ 11 ^ Kjy V v ? i
MAIL ORDER HOUSE IN THE SOUTH.
l u_s Ssule. g
arallel in Our Entire f)
Stock Sacrificed for U)
I Less. 9)
fains! Bargains! U
Our Groat Store, fl
iuils Are Included in this fi
earance Sale, g*
$ O 49 W)
II 79 (A
13 39
16 39 fi
19 98 yp
24 39 f)
29 98 [M
likeper^enta^e for clearance, w)
[STS! WAISTS! g
perie Waists reduced to $0 45 ?)
Waists reduced to 0 67 {A
Waists reduced to I 32
Waists reduced to 2 15 JI
;he same price cuts prevail all M\
ston X^ixstl g
fliere It Belongs
make the most of your |
pportunities, you must |
it tools to work with. ?
enough hard, tiresome K
t wasting your time and I
, water-pumping, prrinaike.
Use an I H C enfor
such work. In less
ffort, the wood is sawed,
tools sharpened, all at
of hand work. Put the
Buy and use an
J Gas Engine |
ine you can buy because ^
of service than others,
it will carry a load ten | ,
e its rated horse power. ||
KCS 11 CUUUUIim.dl. OK
lgines operate on gas, |
sene, distillate, alcohol. |
power. They are built {
le; vertical, horizontal, *
kidded, air-cooled, and
, pumping, spraying out- ?
tors for plowing, threshe
power.
he I H C local dealer's >
earn what it will do for
.logues.
r Company of America
>orated) & ;
^s.c
"
HHnanaaRSIKHHHiWHBBHHn
thout The Kick.
i ?>r as a "pick me up and carry me
[ 'ouni gets our special attention.and
d in choosing refreshments for the
microbes the kibosh here, the place
of an eye or the raise of a finger,
lough their hair is silvered. When
ne.
first run of sap.at'ter the l?>ng Win1,
try one: Price from 5r up.
Make This Your Station Stop
d Ice Cream Parlor
E.R, Proprietor
SoutH Carolina
Kingstree Druj
When you bring yov
our store you are sure
physician calls for?no
ui 1111 ci iui ui ugs aic ?
pounding.
We keep on hand a c<
Up-to-Date Toilet Arl
fumes, Etc. Also an
ment of Stationery.
D. M. Ferry's C
The Best Variel
Tobacco, Cigars ai
^ THE KINGSTREE D
g =- Z
Go To S
WHEN YOU NEED ANYTHII
A record of more than tw<
hind him. With a bunch of
on hand, he is always ready
Also Feed and Li\
J. L. Stuckey,
^????i?????i?i
1 BEST QUALITY. E
I L. Wetherhoi
) CYPF
I SASH, DOORS A
I CHARLESTC
I PROMPT DELIVERIES. I
5XXXXXXXXXXXXXC
? Tisoii it Jones, Yir
X and Hercules
Ibuqg
q Columbus and Tho
? McGORMIGK MOWER!
8 Ha? mess, Summer I
0 Whips, etc.
X Dr. Hess & Clark's
0 try Powders.
0 YOURS TO PI
O Williamsburg Live S
X KINGSTREl
2xx>ooooooooooo<
storm-proof, too.
CORTRIGHT METAL SHIM
last as long as the building and never i
Just the thing for town or country buil
^ meet every condition of comfort,
EfF
We have local representatives almost every
locality, write us direct (or samples, prices an<
CORTRIGHT METAL ROOFING C
lr prescription to
to get what your
? * a a
cneap suDstitutes
ased by us in com?
fl
:icles, Soaps, Per- 9|
Excellent Assort- Hfl
jarden Seed fl
ties Grown. H
rid Cigarettes HH
RUG COMPANY
===5v
>. 1 II
>tucKey 1
^MRSEFLESH d
?ntv vears stands be- S
nice Worses and mules H
for a sale or a swap. I
fery Stables. B
Lake City, S. C. 3
XPERT WORKMANSHIP. M 9
*n & Son. I I
iESS 1 I
lND blinds. 1
DN, S. C. |
ISTI MATES FURNISHED. #
ginia, Guilford O
i IES.I ,
rnhill Wagons. X
S AND RAKES, ?
listers, Saddles, X
Stock and Ponl- X
LEASE, V
stock Company, C
E, S. C. K
xxjxxxxxxxx2
beauty and security.
where, but if nooe in your immediate
d full particular!.
OMPANY ~ 50 North 23d St.
T .. PbUadolphia. Pa. ,