The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, April 22, 1909, Image 5
0ne Moment. Please!
Who's the
Town Buster?
The citizen who sneers at his own i
town.
.The citizen who belittles local enterprises.
The citizen who scoffs at home im
provements.
/The citizen who buys Iris household
goods bv mail.
The citizen who gets his job printing
done outside.
.That man's THE TOWN" BUSTER, i
j
He Had No Objections.
He had held one of the fattest
jobs in the gift of the local political i
boss, and when he died there was
an unseemly scramble for his posi-:
tion. The first man to reach the
boss had no particular claim upon
him, but merely placed his faith in
the adage of the early worm.
"Guv'ner." said he, "do you think
vou would have any objections to
my getting into Jones' place?"
"Oh, I'm sure I have no objections,"
was the unfeeling reply, j
"None in the world, if the undertakers
and coroner are willing."? '
New York Herald.
What Ailed Tommie.
Tommie was eating walnuts. His
mother cautioned him about eating
many, fearing they would make him
sick. Presently he came in, his |
hand on his stomach and a very dis-1
tressed look in his face.
"Those nuts have made you sick.
I see. I just knew they would," said
the mother.
"They haven't, either," whined
Tommie. "I am not sick. It's just
Hiy pants are too tight."?Delineator.
'
A Puzzling Letter.
A business communication in
Arabic recently reached a Manchester
firm and when translated
by a Syrian interpreter proved to
contain a request for the price of
coppering "two water sheep" of certain
given dimensions. The translator
was confident of his version,
but admitted that he did not know
what "water sheep" could be. For
the moment even the heads of the
firm were puzzled until it struck
some one that this was the nearest
synonym in the vocabulary of a pastoral
people for "hydraulic rams."?
Manchester Guardian.
Deciding the Ownership.
Two bosom friends were at odds
over the ownership of an umbrella.
~T tell you it's mine/' persisted the
ffrsi man.
"And I say that umbrella's mine/'
asserted the other.
"You're wrong. I've had it for
six months at least. See the initials
*L. S.?"'
"Yes, but they're not your initials."
"Xo: they're the initials of the
ma I borrowed it from."?Lippintott's.
An Honest Lawyer.
An old lawyer named John
Strange, who had earned the good
will of his community by probity
and fair dealing, felt that he should
wa'.-o snmr> nrnridnn for death 111!
conferred with his wife on the subject.
"Mary," he said, "I want to die
before you do, and I want you to
sec that the funeral is plain and
without fuss or frill-;. When I'm
buried put a simple stone over the
gTave, with this inscription: 'Here
Lies Buried an Honest Lawyer."'
The trood woman protested that
such an inscription would be incomplete
without Hu* name.
"Just make if what I tell you,"
said the old man. "Those who see
it will supply the name. When people
look at that inscription thevfll
say. 'That'- Snmjc.'"
r
A Wrfo's Thoughtfulnets.
A Chicago newspaper man tells
this on himself. He was about to
start from home one bitter morning
last winter when the mercury
was hovering around zero and a
! razor edge gale was hustling in off
! the lake. He had just pulled on his
gloves, and. turning to his wife, he
asked: "Whatever became of that
old pair of ear muffs I used to
wear? If you can tind them, I believe
I'll put 'em on this morning."
"I wouldn't wear those things if
I were you," responded his wife.
"Why not?" inquired John, look-1
ing at her suspiciously out ot tne
! tail of his eye.
"Why/' returned his wife, in a
j resigned tone, "you wouldn't any
! more than get downtown with those
ear coverings on before somebody
1 would ask you to 'come in and have
something,' and you might not hear
it, and when you found it out the
shock might kill you. Then I would 1
be a widow."
John had closed the door and!
gone on his way?without the earj
muffs.
/
ft WJJ&JitS
\J v V r
I
A Gem
From Mi
|
Fighting in the Un
For the People A{
Read in this paper t!
life in the United St2
cal intrigue and of lc
t*i T x 4.
I 1 IlUIIlciS) VV ISC & giCdl
I
I
Illustra
Berber, Ryder
'This immensely in
commence in TI
a short time
j now and
! get i
Mahogany.
Mahogany wood was first imported
by England in 1724, although in
1597 Sir Walter Raleigh demonstrated
the great value of this wood,
which was used in repairing his
ships at Trinidad. From 1724 until
the discovery of the mahogany
j forests of Africa by Stanley Eng:
land and continental Europe were
' heavy purchasers of mahogany
from the West Indies, Honduras
and Mexico. A great part of the
mahogany used in this country in
| early years came from Europe, it
i having first reached there from the
West Indies, Mexico and Honduras.
Borrowed Plumes.
Quiller?I am constantly writing
for'the periodicals.
Poguir.?That so? I never no
[ ticed your name as author.
Quiller?Oh, I always write under
the nom de plume of "Anonymous."
I Pogum?That explains it. I remember.
now to have read many of
your productions?some of which
! are very fine. Let me congratulate
1 you.
'
tleman
ssissippi
ited States Senate ;
|ainst Corruption
his thrilling story of
Ltes Senate, of politi>ve.
Novelized from
play.
?
I
ited by
and Will Jones
teresting story will
IE RECORD in
. Subscribe
you will
t all.
English In Java.
A book published in Java, called
"The West Java Travelers' Guide/'
says of a certain sanitarium: "At
the establishment is a physician.
The sick may invoke the physician
for daily treatment, with use of
medicaments. Children Lelow ten
years pay for lodges half of the
price."
Under "Addresses and Announcements"
is politely recommended
"the hotel prigin, with occasion for
warm baths, where till now all reconvalescents,
as well as Mrs. Physicians
and particulars and officials,
- ? '? i Ul A
have found bacK tneir neaitn. cures
malaria, complains in the chest and
other fatnesses, preen sickness, cutaneous
diseases." etc.. and we are
assured that "this healthy abode for
reconvalescents has also occasion to
many delightful idvlic excursions
to which 6addle horse and tandees
are stationed when before timely
ordered.",
Not So Easy as He Looked.
The passenger train had halted
in an isolated rural district on a
summer afternoon. The "smart"
young man aboard, who volunteered
to furnish amusement for the passengers,
discovered an awkward
country lad sitting on a stump not
i far distant. Seizing the opportunity
for some fun, he cried: "Hello,
' O/v * /%,, HI-A in ihnsn nartsv1"
bUIIU) . JL/V/ J VU U'V JU
"Yaas," drawled the youth.
"Say, do you have any fools
around here?"
"Narv one," came the response.
"We sent for a carload last week,
but wasn't lookin' for them yet."?
Judge.
Thk Hecord has printed up a
~ of promissory note
ty notes to the book,
ire selling at ten cents
each tf
TO B A (
Don't wail
We will c(
store abou
not be dar
without d
measure ir
FARMERS
SEND (IS i
THE WEEKL
THE
AND RECEIVE BY RE
^.dj-u.sta'tol
SAHPLE OF 5 HEARS A
AT THIS OFFICE.
$1.85 FOF
OLD OR NEW SI
This offer will positively clof
PREMIUM. don't wait a day longi
A CHANC1
These shears are eight inches 1
They are made of special metal,
does away with resharpening en
regulate the tension as desired.
THE
Mother* and Huaband*.
Once I was young, now I am old,
and I have never seen a girl that
was unfaithful to her mother that
ever came to he worth a one eyed
button to her husband. It is the law
of God. It isn't exactly in the Bible,
but it is written large in the
miserable lives of many unfortunate
homes. I am speaking for the
boys this time. If any of you chaps
ever come across a girl that, with a
face full of roses, says to you as you
come to the door, "I can't go for
thirty minutes yet, for the dishes
are not washed," you wait for that
ffirl. You sit right down on the
O IV
doorstep and wait for her, because
some other fellow may come along
and carry her off, and right there
you lose an angel.?Bill Arp.
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Address
COUNTY R
KINGSTR
Overruled the Court.
The rigid observance of English
rules in South Carolina courts and
the neglect of the same on the part
of a barrister well known in his day
gave rise to the following passage:
"Mr. P.," said the judge, "you have
on a light coat. You can't speak."
"Mav it please the bench," said the
barrister, "I conform strictly to the
law. Let me illustrate. The lawsays
the barrister shall wear a black
gown and coat, and your honor
V?inL-c tViO'f moana a Vkloolr cftat?"
"Yes," said the judge. "'Well, the
law also says the sheriff shall wear
a cocked hat and sword. Does your
honor hold that the sword must be
cocked as well as the hat ?" He was
permitted ro-proceed.
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