The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, July 16, 1903, Image 2
ra
"About a year ago my hair was
coming out very fast, so I bought
a bottle of Ayer's Hair Vigor. It I
stopped the falling and made my I
hair grow very rapidly, until now it 8
a c ?? Mr* A. 1
19 TJ 1UWUC9 111 a?u??
Boydston, Atchison, Kans.
There's another hunger
than that of the stomach.
Hair hunger, for instance.
Hungry hairneeds food,
needs hair vigor?Ayers.
This is why we say that
Ayer's Hair Vigor always
restores color, and makes
the hair grow long and
heavy. Aii<na<*<It
yoar druggist cannot supply you,
Mod us one douar and we will express
I you a bottle, He sure maeire me> n?ui? m
of your nearest express office. Address, fl
J. C.AYER CO., Lowell, Mass. |
v "
WINE IN POWDER FORM.
French Method for Obtaining a Beverage
In Concentrated Form.
The liquid part of wine contains
light ethers, ethylic alcohol, heavy alcohol
and oils, and substances such as
furfurol and aldehyde. All these prod/
vets are poisonous. The solids of
wine are coloring matter, fixed organic
acids, and mineral salts, all of which
are harmless, with the exception of
the lime and potash, the lime being
very bad for the gouty.
Now, a wine which Is deprived of the
heavy alcohol, oils, lime and potash
. ahould contain no injurious elements, j
I According to L'Uiustration, it seems
that Dr. Garrigou of Toulouse has
been able to obtain this result by concentrating
wine In a vacuum, this process
taking away the cooked taste
which ordinary heat produces. In this
way wine may be reduced to a dry
powder, and if then the powder be
placed in water or ethylic alcohol, all j
the properties of the wine are recovered,
with the exception of the puis- j
onous elements. By this process there i
is obtained a perfectly harmless wine, J
which may be kept indefinitely, and
which is handled readily.?Philadelphia
Record.
IN8UP.ES FRESHNESS OF EGGS.
Novel Method Ac'coted bv the Dairv
V" " -- -* ? ? men
of Kehl, Germany.
United States Consul Brittaln at
f Kehl, Germany, says the Washington
Star, has advised the secretary of
atate of a unique method cf insuring
the freshness of eggs adopted by the
Dairymen's association cf the city of
Ic. Kehl. "The agents of that association,"
he says, "go among the farmers
each day and purchase eggs, tne farmer
guaranteeing that these have been
laid within the previous twenty-four
f tours. In consequence of this guarantee
the association pays the farmer
three pfennigs, or about half a cent,
above the regular market price for
; - each eggs. The Dairymen's associa|
tlon then makes a record of each pur
chase bv civine the farmer a regis
tered number and numbering each egg
K. In corresponding manner.
"When a consumer chances to find
* stale egg he returns it to the dealer,
Who In turn charges it to the association,
which reports the matter to the
tarmer. The method is a protection
to all parties concerned and is said to
meet with much success. The egga
i , *re delivered in cases containing five
% -dozen each."
God's promises are weighty because
they are gold.
I KSAWMILLSSseI
Iv,'- with Here's Universal Loe Beams,Rectllln-B
P* or. Simultaneous 8et Works and the Hea l
cock-King Variable Feed Works arc unex-l
* oelled for acctbacy, simplicity, dikabii.-i
itt and base op otebatiox. Write for full!
d?crlptlve circulars. Manufactured by the!
JSALEji IRON WORKS,Wlnston-8a!em,N.C.|
p f|I fc| pr Q CtRED WITHOUT CUTTING,
^ J.ftnucn A New Vegetable Remedy. 1
"Cure Guaranteed in Every Case Treated, i
NATIONAL CANCER MEDICINE COMPANY,
Austell Building, Atlanta, Go. I
t Thompson's Eye Wafer
Judge Cox, of the United States
Circuit Court, while delivering a lecture
at Columbia University told of a
young lawyer who came before the Supreme
Court to argue a case in which
he was also defendant. Addressing the
court, he referred to the old French
adage declaring that he who argues
his own case has a fool for a client.
After the case had been heard he left
for his home in St. Louis, asking a
friend to notify him by wire when the
decision was handed down. This was
the pithy dispatch he received: "Old
i French adage affirmed."
r ; nerve won
I Dotn'i Kidney rills .
uke freedom from kidney
trouble possible. //>"
I They carry a kind of mf! JkHSL tUO
medication to the kid- i r?i UbkIKrfl
Beys that brings a bright Maj ijCWftj gmt
?*y of hope to desperate K31 > J Pi
outi. so cu
Aching bocks arc eased. : \pi K vrtxmt.'
Hip, bock, and loin pains ^aaBMP
' r overcome. Swelling of the J
Umbo and dropsy signs NAME
vanish.
JLocx Hatkx, Pa.-Mrs. p- ?
' L W. Amciurnen writes: e-rarr
K?f 'A few weeks ago I sent for **
^boxofDoan-sKinT
Wis fbr myself, and they did ^oco i- ta.uaci.Dt, ?rt
k afl they ore said to do. lly rau dip.
. (pabood woo kicked last fall - ?
FITS permnnatttly eured.No fits or nervousness
after first dny's use of Dr. Kline's Great
NerveRestorer.iJ2trial bottle and treatisefrea
Dr. R. H. Kline, Ltd.. 931 Aroh St., Phlla.,l'a
Glass tumblers do not make good circus
acrobats, for they always go broke when
they travel far.
Ladies Can Wear Shoo*
One size smaller after using Allen's FootEase,
a powder. It makes tight or new shoes
easy. Cures swollen, hot, sweating, aching
feet, ingrowing nails, corns and bunions. At
ell evrwJatu oa,l cVirkA atArwi 9F*n Tlon'fr a/?.
cept any substitute. Trial package Fbex by
mall. Address, Allen 8. Olmsted, Leltoy, N.Y.
It is no trouble to do by others as they
would do by you, for it is never a whole
lot.
3 do cot believe Plao's Cure for Consumptionhaeansjaalf.tr
(roughs and colds?Joh*
I.Boixb,Trinity Uprlngs, Ind., Feb. 15,1#M.
The man who is lost in thought is never
found in dude clothes.
Littleton Female College.
One of the most prosperous schools In the
8outh for the higher educanou of young
ladies?an Institution that has teally done a
great work. We will make a speciui offer to
the flr't young lady in your county from
whom we receive a copy of this advertisement.
Address Puis. Bbonaa, Littleton, N. C.
Humanity's debts to us make our
credit with God.
Mrs. F. Wright, of Oelwein,
Iowa, is another one of the
million women who have been
restored to health by Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
A Younjr New York Lady Tells
of a Wonderful Cure: ?
" My trouble was with the ovaries;
I am tall, and the tftctor said I grew
too fast for my strength. I suffered
dreadfully from inflammation and
doctored continually, but got no help.
I suffered from terrible dragging sensations
with the most awful pains low
down in the side and pains in the back,
and the most agonizing headaches.
No one knows what I endured. Ofteh
1 was sick to lac sioaiacii, auu v cijr
little while I would be too sick to go
to work, for thr? c or four days; I work
in a large store, and I suppose standing
on my feet all day made mc worse.
"At the suggestion of a friend of
my mother's I began to take Lydia
El Pinkham's Vegetable Com- 1
pound, and it is simply wonderful.
I felt better after the first two or three
doses; it seemed r.s though a weight
was taken oft my shoulders; I continued
its use until now I can truthfully
6ay I am entirely cured. Young
girls who are always paying doctor 1j
bills without getting any help as I did,
ought to take your medicine. It
costs so much less, and it is sure to
cure them. ? Yours truly, Adelaide
Prahl, 174 St. Ann's Are., New York
City." ? $5000 forfeit if original of abooo letter
mrooinQ atmilnenexn ran not b* r rod u end.
'lifj.K-f Grandma is ?
L? f fienarallu DiffM L
f'Vlfofei5?-3 I MVMVI Mil J tltg^IlS M
her vast experience
and ask her what is !g
best for your Liver, K
Kidney and Blood Troubles. We Ij
think she will recommend jj
DR. THACHER'S LIVER AND |
BLOOD SYRUP |
btetuae the has tried it ted knows it H
cures Been on market 50 years tad is M
reliable. Yon try it gy
M 60c and $1 00 at good druggists. Dr. ]
SI Thacher'aLiver Medicine (dry), 25cet?ta. 0
3 Yes, your druggist, sells it. Be sure H
[w it's Dr. Thacher's. though. flE
W Write our Consultation Department, H
gs explaining symptoms. and receive free H
M confidential advice.
M THACHE* MEDICINE COMPANY. C
Bf Chattanooga. Tenn IB
X ^ Cures A
Sick Headache and Dizziness >)
U 10. 25 and 90c. at Drugstores. M
mm J . * uV. / .. A. _'.^juan/ts:
a - S ? Jl fVtev tsflnMlttf with
Ail muicauuii m cue k>)?uIV ...?
which tbc country west of the Mississippi
Is being reclaimed and settled Is
to be seen In the project of the cattlemen
of Dakota and Montana to transfer
their business and their herds
bodily to South America. The great
ranges of the Northwest are being cut
up Into small farms and the wea of
public grass land Is diminishing rapIdly.
The cattlemen are looking for
ranges In Chill, Brazil and the Argentine,
and If they can not find large
unbroken areas of grass land in those
countries or are unable to make satisfactory
terms they Intend to try Africa.
n kidneys:
? by a horse and badly hurt?
his hip was fractured?and
after he recoTered he was in
such misery that he could
fflPy hardly walk, and to stoop
n caused him such distress that
"5* he thought he would hare to
IT1* quit work ? also, it affected
fWk V^tHy his bladder, and he was unr>\
saMTftV ~-:y able to make nis water without
so much distress. I in
- ? sisted on his getting a box
of your pills and trying them,
?? go I went to Mason's Drug
Store and got a box. The
first box helped hhn so much
nan thi? coupon to that 1 got the second and also
tTiuuiw. ona*?? the third, and now he t? entirely
well."?Mrs. L. W.
- iSHtio, Lock Harea. Pa.
The king
* _*chone
A NOVEL OF AMERICAN LIFE
* -SJTWI
DY MAURICE
1 lnV.1 IfXH V
??? ?
CHAPTER VL
CONTINUED.
Fairfax caaght at once the meaning
of this quiet work, and when Mr.Vernon
came to the ladies and said: "You
bad better go below for a while, we
shall need all the deck-room to work
the sails," there was more in his manner
than his wife and daughter
noticed.
Mrs. Vernon objected to being confined
again in the stuffy little cabin
jnst when she was beginning to enjoy
the sweet fragrance of the open air;
but Fairfax assisted her and Pauline
to descend and then returned to the
deck.
"I wanted to avoid a scene," said
Mr. Vernon, "and I don't like the
onnPftrftnftA of the fellow vender."
__ v
pointing at the sail. "It's no use for
as to try to run away; you see that at
a glance. Of course she many be all
right; but I don't like her looks nor
the place 6he is coming from. At auy
rate, we've got to take our chance."
"Do you mean to say that you suspect
her of being a pirate?"
"It is safe to suspect everything that
comes out of Pearl Biver of being in
some way connected with wrongdoing;
but still, this may be the exception.1"
"We'd better get ready to fight
then," said Fairfax. "Have you no
arms on board?" At the same time
his eyes sought the little swivel that
stood nearly amidship. "Is that gun
in condition?"
Mr. Vernon could not help laughing
in his beard at the young man's
prompt combativeness and his admirfthlft
coolness, and he felt a pang of
regret when he had to say frankly
that it wonld be sheer desperation to
attempt resistance, should the schooner
prove to be the Pearl-River pirates
bent upon their capture.
"They are carrying at least three
guns." he added, "and I counted ten
men of her crew; besides, they could
sail right up to to us and board us."
A cloud passed over the young~
man's face, and a sudden realization
of what might be at hand went down
like a leaden load upon his heart. I
The first thought was what would befall
Pauline. He stood for a few mo- i
ments like one who had received an
almost stuuning blow. Mr. Vernon !
watched him narrowly and was in- '
| wardly delighted when presently he I
liook on nis weaaoess auu eiciauneu
"But what are we to do? Are we
to let them take us, if they wish,
without our makiug auy resistance?
For my part, sir, I do not consent to i
Dy such thing. We can but add a i
very little fury to their manner of 1
dealing with us by lighting them like
men. Earnestly, sir, I insist on meeting
this matter bravely.
"So do I," said Mr. Vernon, "but
the question is: What course would, !
in reulity, be true bravery? I have
no shot on board for the swivel, and
what could you and I do aguinst a
schooner's crew."
"You have done very wrong," said J
j Fairfax, almost Hotly, "to uring your ;
family into this situation. It was a
great oversight not to prepare for
such an emergency."
Mr. Vernon eyed his young friend,
but made no direct reply to his hasty
words. He saw that he could depend
upon him in desperate neod, and this
was the most and the best that he
could ask just then.
"There will probably be a light fog
at nightfall; if we can give them the
slip till then we may be able to get
away; it is our only chance, provided
they are enemies. They have a long
run to make yet before they get into
the lake; meantime, if we can pass
1 L - ? a. ? J.* ? fin rl t U A m nnfVi
XUe poilll juuuci auu uuu iuu iuvu.u
of the Kigolets and the fog at the
same time, we may escape."
It was a well laid plan; bat the
wind wasrefactory, shifting and growing
more unreliable every moment.
Fairfax coald not understand Mr.
Vernon's apparent indifference; it
was so opposed to what his own nature
prompted under such a stress
that it exasperated him, while, at the
same time, he felt his own inability
to suggest anything feasible.
Meantime their little craft had been
set as close to the wind as she could
run, and was making fair speed in a
northwesterly course toward a marsh
point which, in those days, had a
hummock clothed with low, spreading
live oaks. The fog was already beginning
to fill the atmosphere with a
thin, gray twilight effect, and the dis*
anffoninnr
l&Ut BCUUUUOi a nano w o* v, WV4WM*U^
into dimness; bafc the breeze slackened
until it could be scarcely felt;
moreover, as they kept behind the
point, even this breath was shut off,
and suddenly it was a dead calm.
Mr. Vernon ordered his men to cast
anchor, and then lighting his pipe,
he went up to Fairfax, who was
tramping back and forth, chafing
helplessly
"They" can't reach us till morning,
at all events," he said; "it will be alL
that they can do to get out of the
river."
"And so all that we can hope for is
to lie here and wait," Fairfax muttered,
"and be done for in the morning.
It seems te-ine a tame way for
men who pretend to have any courage
to choose. Surely, there is som^?"
"Young man," Mr. Vei?o#BVoice
was very even and low, as he interrupted,
but it had a certain savage 1
timbre?"young man, you are on my
J$r
i O F:
Y ISLAND
DURING THE WAR OF 1812. i
I
THOMPSON.
I
>7 Robert Bonner * Son*.
vessel; it is yonr duty to obey my orders;
yon are going to obey them. It
yon have any suggestions to make I
will give them consideration; bat understand
that I command here, and
that you do not occupy any official
position whatever."
Fairfax stood amazed; he looked at
Mi. Vernon's almost giant bulk looming
in the gray dusk; it appeared to
dilate and take on the rugged outlines
that his imagination would have
given to 6ome old buccaneer. The
remoto arrogance and the immediate
authority with which the surprising
urnrrl* hid bepn uttered seemed to
come from a man pot in the least like
the Mr. Vernon of yesterday.
"I beg your pardon, sir," he managed
to say; "yon are mistaken if yon
think me ungrateful enough to offer
any impertinent objections to your
method of conducting your own affairs.
I did not meau anything of
the kind."
He hated himself the next moment
for having found no tetter way of expressing
what, after all, was not very
clear in his own mind; but his embarrassment
was not in the least relieved
when Mr. Vernon, with a gruff
chuckle, turned abruptly away and
went below.
Fairfax looked around him, half
dazed.
Fairfax was not in a mood to doubt
and accuse. His recent experiences
had opened his eyes to the darkest
possibilities of the life into which he
had been suddenly drawn so deeply.
The feeling that he had not managed
himself in the least adroitly, and that
probably he had shown his weakest
side to Mr. Vernon, helped to irritate
him; moreover, the danger, if danger it
was, hovering so near to Pauline affected
him strangely. This young girl
1ia<} nossession of him: he real
ized in now. And was he aboat to see
her fall into the hands of men like
Pierre Rarneau?
Mr. Vernon did not come on deck
for some hours; when ho re-appeared
a light breath of wind was beginning
to blow, and he immediately ordered
all hands to make ready to put the
vessel under sail.
The fog, though not dense as it had
been, was still too heavy to permit any
distinct view through Jt. When th?
little craft began to move. Mr. Vernon
went forward. As he passed Fairfax,
he said in a low voice:
"Stand by to pass my orders to the
man at tho tiller; we must not speak
above our breath. If we can get
through to the lake, we are safe."
By the lake he meant Ponchartrain,
and their way thither lay through the
main channel of the Rigolets.
So gently did the vessel move that
Indies sleeninor below did not
wake; the only sounds to be beard
were au occasional creak of cord or
soar aud the light ripple of the water
at the prow.
Mr. Vernon was feeling his way
toward the month of the channel with
nothing to gnide him save his sense of
distances and directions. Tho wind
was somewhat against him and there
was not an object by which he could
exactly fix his whereabouts. So week
was the breeze, moreover, that the
vessel crept at but a snail's pace over
the darkling water. It was near daylight;
indeed, the pale influence of tho
morning was diffusing itself through
the fog when the breeze began to
freshen a little, sending a ripple over
Borgne and quickening the movement
of the vessel. The soft, gray vail
wavered aud lifted perceptibly, and
Mr. Vernon had just made out the
marsh-points at the month of the
channel and was giving a low order,
when suddenly a vessel, distant a
stone's throw, showed itself through
the fog directly ahead, and at the
same instant "Ahoy, there!" came in
a loud, clear voice from the stranger's
deck.
CHAPTER VII.
rntUTENANT BALLAXCH1I.
There was little spaoe for action on
tne part oi mr. vernon, ueiweeu me
moment when bis Teasel was hailed
and that when it was necessary for
him to answer. In shorter time than
we take to write it, the two orafta
were almost touching.
"Avast, or I'll blow you out of the
water!" shouted a voice Dot in the
least nautical, but full of determination;
the voice of a landsman,
who, if he could not readily find the
phraseology of the sea, was evidently
in no mood to be trifled with.
At the same time a twelve-pounder
gun was turned so as to rake the
deck of the Water Bird.
"Blow away. Lieutenant Ballanche!"
roared Mr. Vernon. "It
?i ? i ilj i. n
W0UIU D6 a glorious imug io uro mu i
me and my family! Ha! Ha! Ha! J
Blow away! Blow away!"
The, little vessel was now passing
astern of the schooner and not a half
cable's^Nngth from it.
"HeWo! Is that yon, Mr. Vernon?"
shouted the. alkm yonng officer who
stood out mosf prominently on the
~-.lv Aanl- onrvlrn in PronAVt I
3UUUUUOI O UV/UUt <u>w AM A 4 VUVU?
"Aye, that it is!" was the load
answer in the same language. "I
thought we should ram you atnidship,
but we missed, good luck to you and
to n^as.wBll!"
"I wish to speak with./^u, sir,"
called out the young officer." "It is
very important.H
The two vessels were aIi.X4.d7 -fee;-0
apart rapidly, their courses being
different; bnt every word was heard,
bo favorable was everything to the
conveyance of sounds.
Fairfax felt a load fall from his
breast at this sudden turn in an ad?
venture which but a moment before
had filled him with such dismay as
only youth and love and the thought
of swift calamity to the one most dear
to him could engender. In the stress
of the apparent crisis he had thought
only of the girl; and now that the
strain was over, it seemed to him as
if the same breath that had blown
away his distress on Panline's
accouni had also lifted the fog; for
the next moment the gray vail was ao
removed that the young officer on
board the schooner came into clear
relief against the tall marsh grass on
the point beyond. His features could
not be made oat; bat his form was
tall, slender, graceful, and his attitude
striking in the extreme. He
wore the undress uniform of a lieutenant
of infantry in the United
States Army.
A half hour later, the two vessels
lay alongside of each other, and Lieutenant
Ballanche came aboard of the
Water Bird. Fairfax watehed him
climb th? rope from the_ gig to_the
deck; and at the request of Mr. Vernon
went forward to be introduced to
him.
The two young men shook hand and
their eyes met steadily and frankly.
Any shrewd observer would have said
that they were mutually well impressed
at first glance.
Edouard Ballanche was a creole
from bead to foot; that is, he was a
Frenchman modified by the influences
of American birth and experience. In
his face burned the half-sabdued fire
of a passionate yet naturally gentle
and tender nature, fortified and
specialized oy intimate acquaintance
with almost every form of danger.
Yon might have rend in his eyes that
he had seen duels; that life, though
precious to him, was worn as a garment
to be Hung aside as lightly as a
coat or glove; that honor was a word
of unlimited significance to him. In
speech ha showed that deliberate
facility which always snggests the cut
and thrust nnd parry of a master
swordsman. The impression he made
was one of efficiency, courage and
readiness, singularly blended with
lightness, grace nnd superficial good
humor.
He shook hands cordially with Mr.
Yernon, and turned to acknowledge
the introduction of Fairfax just as
Pauline came from below.
"I took you for a pirate," said Mr.
Vernon, "and was running away from i
you as fast as I could, I thought; but
hero we are, boarded by yoa, and at
your mercy."
"The mistake was mutual, sir; I
thought that you were on unlawful
business of some sort, and have been
all night afraid that you had got away
from me. I am compelled to be vigilant
now; I hope, sir, that I have not
troubled you too greatly."
"Your vigilance is something that
no American patriot can grumble at,'^
said lilr. Vernon. "Is there anything
new from the seat of war? Anything
about to turn up?"
"Nothing has been made public,"
replied the lieutenant, guardedly.
"What may transpire at any moment
' * - --* a. ^ ~
is narci 10 ioresee; uuuuncoa wo nuuu
bavo oar tnrn At the gamo of war
down here iu due time."
"You may apeak freely in the presence
of my friend here," remarked
Mr. VernoD, with a smile at Ballanche's
caution, concealed almost
though it was; "he is one of us."
"I should trust him with my life,"
promptly responded the lieutenant,
giving Fairfax again that straight
frank look of perfect confidence.
"What I wanted to say to yon, Mr.
Vernon, is that it is not safe to keep
your family or your property any
longer st Bay Saint Louis. Tho British
may sail in upon us any day; indeed,
we are expeoting them soon."
It was hard for Lieutenant BnlIanche,
with all his politeness, to keep
his gaze away from Pauline.
Fairfax was not aware that she had
come on deck, else he would have
noticed the suppressed enthusiasm of
Ballanche's glances toward the hatch
way.
As soon as Mr. Yernon discovered
the presence of his daughter; he took
Lieutenant Ballaucue by the arm and
led him toward her.
Fairfax tnmed in time to see the
tall creolo bowing low over her hand.
Mr. Yernon stood there like some
grizzly giant of old, his shoulders and
head looming heavily, while his
danghter seemed to reflect upon him
a suggestion of yonthfnlness blending
with his show of years. Fairfax
saw that Mr. Yernon regarded the
young officer with emphatio interest
and confidence.gave him distinguished
consideration indeed, and that this
marked attention seemed to be received
quite as a matter of coarse.
There was but a short conversation,
and certainly nothing important was
said; nevertheless, in some indirect
way Fairfax canght from it a singularly
vivid impression of being thrust
far away aud of passing ooJt of consideration.
After a little while, however, Batlanche
bowed to Pauline, and taking
Mr Vsmnn'# arm with a confidential
touch, led him to a farther part of the
deck where they could convorae^with*
out being overheard.
(to be continued.)
lie Held On.
An interesting account comes to ns
of a Boston terrier dog which, running
out on the thin ice of Jamaica Pond,
broke through about a hundred feet
from the shore. A boy prooured and
threw tho end of a rope to him, which
the dog at once seized with his teeth
and held on until drawn to tho shore.
?Oar Animal Friends,
%
v'JJ
$
i'our. budcetik-k
1 f? ?/
of Humor.
I, I.IM. I? ? _ _l'
Ordeals. " /
.Waiting for a lunch or breakfast J '.
Is a trial hard to bear; * ?'
Waiting for a car or carriage , '
Makes the victim sometimes swear, r
0J
Waiting for a friend or loved one '-y.
\CaL-?? ni life .1 mournful wreck: ?
But there's nothing racks the system ?
Quite like waiting for a check.
?New York Times.
The Way With Bills.
Husband?"You must try to keep oui
bills down."
Wife?"I do, but they're always rua
ning up."?Baltimore American.
sr
Incredible.
Mother?"No, indeed, I shall not Iet^ *
you take him. He'd only cry harder
?1? T .liJ If
11 1 U1U.
Father?"Great Scott! Do you mean
to say that he can cry harder than
that?'?New York Journal.
_____ *
No "Gloom;" Dlajpioali.
"Ye9, she has a case of 'nerves.'"
"What's that?'
"Well, to be frank, it's the name we
use when a wealthy patient is just
plain cranky."?Chicago Post.
Positively Brntal. >
Husband?"I wish I knew where I
could find a buried treasure."
i Wife?"Never mind, dear, I'm your
treasure."
Husband?"Yes, but you are not
buried."?Chicago News.
Great Praia*.
"I have always heard it said that
your wife is a woman of her word,"
said Gazzam to Bickers.
"That's quite right," added Bickers,
"quite right. She is not only a woman
of her word, but a woman of a good
many words."?Detroit Free Press.
r
Man Rom Unto Trouble.
"Of course." said the optimist, "if a
man gets into the habit of hunting
trouble he's sure to find it."
"Yes," replied the pessimist, "and if
he's so lazy that he always tries to
avoid it it will find him. So what'g
the difference?"?Philadelphia Press.
Quite tne rroper 1 mo;.
"Gladys," said Chumley to his mannish
sister, "I've done & much for you *
you should write me a testimonial."
"A testimonial?" ' ~ ^
"Yes, you might say: 'Dear brother,
once I was a timid, delicate girl, but
since using your collars, shirts and ties
I have become a new woman.' "?Philadelphia
Press.
. . "T
Blmfclnr It K?>r,
"It must be admitted," said the
courtier, "that our Emperor has simplified
education wonderfully." .
"In what way?"
"In order to answer the questions.
Who Is the greatest general, diplomat,
critic, poet, and playwright, it is necessary
only to mention his name."?
Washington Star.
X? Trick at Alt.
"She thinks she is capable of presiding
over a home of her own."
"And she can. too, under the right
conditions. Why. any girl can do It,
if she only Las capable and well-trained
servants and a husband with plenty of
money. Presiding over a home that
other people make isn't nearly so hard
as making one yourself."?Chicago
^ t
Mara to tha Point, *
"This,'* said the dealer, "is the very
latest odometer. You should have
one."
"What's the idea of it?" inquired
the beginner.
"It registers the number of miles
your automobile travels."
"Have you anything that will regis?
ter the various distances I travel when
I'm thrown out?"?Philadelphia Press.
A Mixer.
"Haven't I seen you somewhere before,
my boy?"
"Shouldn't wonder, lady. I circnlates
around In all kinds of society."?
'New York Journal. .? - <v>