The county record. [volume] (Kingstree, S.C.) 1885-1975, February 19, 1903, Image 7
. I BILL ARP. ]
\ "Timeo Danaos dora ferentes." I
That's what the Romans said when the
Grecians brought them presents. "Beware
of the Greeks when they come
with gifts." I suspected Mark Ilanna
when be introduced that bill. Me is a
Greek and he is from Ohio. Beware!
tnu ne maae a baa break. tie was trying
to got ahead of Teddy, and failed.
Bring in another horse. Mark. We
were willing for your folks to pension
our old darkies, but your bill would
have salivated half the population,
and included the 30,000 you stole
from us before the war. Our old negroes
are the best we have got.
They are still humble and trusty.
My wife bought three shuck foot mats
from one yesterday and got another to
put a split bottom in a cjiair. We
would rejoice to see these old negroes
handle some pension money. An old
woman got $24 yesterday for her hus
band's service, and I a6ked her what he
done, and she said he kept the offi*
cers of his company in chickens all
the way from Chattanooga to Savannah.
Our old cook. Aunt Ann. said the
colored people were powerful fond of
chicken, too, and if her old man could
not get a chicken any othay way, he
WQ?ld go to town and buy one.
But it locks now like Teddy's hand
has busted on the race problem. He
can't solve it. The north is worse puzzled
over it than ever, and Secretary
Root has spoken out in meeting and
says that social equality and office
noiamg nas to De aoanuonea. oisnop j
Turner declare; that the whole protein
is in a more unsettled condition
than it has been in thirty years and
l'Bey must be sent back to Africa. That
is all right, but we want those who
brought them here to be made to take
them back. Confiscate Fanjieil Hall
and sell it out for enough money to
build one ship, and name it the "Jolly
Bachelor," which was the first slave
ship that brought them here. Load it
down with a cargo of bucks and buckesses
under thirty years of age. When
Turner begins to ship 'em from this
part of the country we want to pick
'em. There are about fifty trilling
vagabonds hanging around this town
and we can't kill 'em off with smallpox
or anything ?lse. Two of our doctors
went to the nigger school to vaccinate
'em and took the police and
locked tne aoors, dui me coons an
jumped out of the windows and some
ran under the house and some rhn
home and some hid in a hollow log or
behind fences and the doctor did not
get half of them. But we are getting
along fairly well with our negroes, our
household servants, the cooK and
washer women and their children.
They were all brought up here and
vaccinated. Negroes in daily contact
with their white employees give no
trouble. They are respectful and Industrious.
They do not want to go to
Africa and they are not going. It is
this restless floating population that
we want to get rid of. There are young
white men uot much better, and the
Philippines just suits them exactly.
But I am easy now, getting betterexcept
on rainy days when the east
wind prevails?the same old east wind
that one of Job's friends complained
about when he said, "Should a wise
man fill his belly with the east v.'inu
T am cettine stronger in my under- I
pir>6. Not long ago they were swollen
- so badly that away in the dead hours
of the night, while I was noddng in
y chair, I got up to see what time It
was; I lost my perpendicular and my
legs gave way and I fell in the fire
with the chair on top of me. My wife
heard the racket and jumped from her
bed and pulled me out. I did not get
burned, but bruised up my shoulder
where I struck the grate. And last
night while I was suffering in the abdominal
regions she got a hot water
bag and placed it where It could do
most good and I went off to sleep and
slept the sleep of the Just until breakfast
time, when all oT a sudden the bag
burst and the hot water scalded me
amazing before I could wake up. I
halloed for help and broke up the
m-eakfast, for they all came running
and had to strip off my garments and
cnange me sneeis ana everyiuins, buu
had liked to have skinned me as clean
as a hog, for the water was still as hot
as Are. And so between fire and hot
water I consider myself an injured person,
but my wife thinks the scalding
did me good and increased the alacrity
of my movements.
But I am still calm and serene again
and enjoying the good reading sent me
by my good friends. Or. J. Win Jones
and T-. K. Oglesby. Both books are
masterly vindications of the Soufh and
between these two men I fee! like I am
poised between the pillars of Hercules.
Every truth is double plated aad every
i, rivet clinched. Then there is my good
old friend, Dr. Ward, of Winona, Miss.,
who stands in the breach and defends
us from all assaults. We have not had
since the war so much good Southern
literature as we have now. There are
George C. Smith and Dr. Massey and
Jim Calloway and Wallace Putnam
fteld, who are full of memories of the
good old times and the good old people.
How sweetly did Dr. Massey's
sketch of Judge William C. Bowson
carry me back to my college days when
his boys, Oscar and Edgar, were my
^niior,<> motoc nnrl thp ?*nn!H old men
VUllCgV UiUVVO v?w o
used to come to Athens to see them
and fondle over them and used to talk
to U9 in our Phi Kappa Society and
gave us affectionate counsel. These biographical
sketches of our noble men
* -v are most delightful reading, especially
fb those who like myself were the contemporaries
of many of them.
?Bill Arp. in Atlanta Constitution.
Held in Heavy Bond*.
New York, Special.?On an affidavit
charging them with grand larceny, the
three men who were arrested by central
office detectives in raids on socalled
"get rich quick concerns" in
Nassau street, were held in $1,000
bail in the police court for examination.
The men arraigned are Henry
Cartwright, William Threadwell and
Charles E. Goodrich. The affidavit on
which the men were held charges
grand larceny on "Information given
by several persons who ooiflplained
that they were obtaining money fraudulently."
THE LEGISLATURE
rlouse and Senate Vigorously at the
Work Assigned Them.
The House and Senate are down at
hard work. 39 their time of final adjournment
approaches. Much remains
to be done. The important legislation,
however, is well in hand.
ArrUliN l MKiiM 1 Ur LUAM AHI<r.a.
The following house bill, introduced
by Mr. Au 11 cf Newberry, has passed
three readings in the house and two in
the senate and is Jilrely to become a
law. Its purpose is to relieve the governor
of the responsibility of the appointment
of State constables and devolving
the duty upon a chjef of State
constables to be appointed by the governor.
The bill provides:
"The governor shall have authority
to appoint one chief State constable,
who shall hold office during the pleasure
of the governor at a salary of Jl,500
a year and such expenses as the
governor may deem proper when 3aid
chief constable is on duty away from
his office. The State board of directors
of the dispensary shall provide an
office at the State dispensary for the
said chief State constable. The said
chief State constable, with the advice
of the governor, may appoint one or
more State constables at a salary of
not more than two dollars per day, and
such expenses as the chief State constable
may deem proper when on duty,
and seven assistant chief constablie3 at
not more than three dollars each per
day and such expenses as the chief
State constable mav deem tironer. and
also one or more detectives at reasonable
compensation. All accounts for
per diem and expenses allowed by the
chief constable shall be approved by
the governor before payment. These
officers shall be charged with the enforcement
of the dispensary law, their
salary and expenses as herein provided
to be paid from the dispensary
fund in the same manner as the salary
of the State commissioners. The
chief State constable shall give bond
in the sum of $1,000, and the assistant
chief constable and constables shall
give bond in the sum of $500 each before
entering upon the duties of their
office, with surety or sureties to be approved
by the, attorney general, conditioned
for the faithful performance of
the breach of said bond, suit may be
brought thereon by any person aggrieved
thereby, either in the county
where any of the obligors reside or in
any county where said breach may
have occurred: Provided, That the
governor shall report the appointment
of said chief State constable and all
appointments of assistant chief constables
made by the chief State constable,
to the general assembly at the next
ensuing session, giving the date and
term of service thereof.
DELAYED TRAINS.
Anoth.er house bill introduced by Mr. I
Debruh of Abbeville, which has almost
become a law is of interest to the trav- J
eling public. The bill provides:
"Whenever any passenger train on
any railroad in this State shall be more
than one-half of one hour behind its
schedule time, it shall be the duty of
such railroad company to keep posted
at every telegraph station along its I
line the time such train is behind its 1
schedule, and shall change such bulletin
every half hour until such train
arrives, stating therein the time which
such train is behind and the hour at
which it is expected to arrive: Provided.
That such bulletins shall not be
required to be posted at any station
until one half hour before the regular
schedule time at which such train is to
arrive at the station at which such
bulletin is required to be kept.
"Any railroad company which shall
refuse or neglect to ^mply with the
provisions of this section shall forfeit
and pay the sum cf $20 for each and
every such refusal cr neglect: said sum
to be sued fcr by the person aggrieved
in the county in which such refusal or
neglect occurs, one half of which supi
shall be turned over to the county
treasurer for ordinary county purposes
and the other half retained by
the person so aggrieved."
That Shad Bill.
The "shad" bill created a great Btii
in the house Saturday. The opponents
of the bill made a plucky fight and
after filibustering for three hours gave
up a fight which is remarkable for the
fact that it kept the house in session
two hours after the time for adjournment.
The house passed the bill introduced
by Mr. Gause of Florence. The bill
makes it a misdemeanor to ship shad
beyond the limits of the State and a
misdemeanor for a railroad to handle
such shipments.
This fight has been coming up every
year, and Mr. Gause himself took part
in a hot fight over it two years ago.
John Bolts, the colored member from
Georgetown, and Citizen Josh Ashley
also engaged in a memorable colloquy
over such a bill. The fight has always
been directed against Georgetown.
rr?*-- Vin hAAan CVirlotr
I ne UgUl UIl IUIO U1II Ucgau 1 11U>;
and the debate was adjourned. When
the matter was taken up yesterday after
the calendar had been cleared of
uncontested matters, the motion to
continue the bit! was lost by a vote of
54 to 30. This vote showed two things
that there was but a small attendance,
63 being a quorum, and that the opponents
of the bill were in the minority.
Mr. Bass of Williamsburg, then made
a clear, direct statement in regard to
the attitude of Georgetown. He described
the geographical location of
that city and declared that the Winyah
bay fishermen fix their nets in such a
way that the fish cannot come up into
the fre3h water streams to spawn, ine
shad industry is monopolized in
Georgetown to the injury of the people
of the interior who cannot catch the
fish and must pay a good price for the
fish as there are such heavy shipments
to the north.
Mr. Pyatt and Mr. Doar of George
town, derided the idea of the fishermen
stopping the mouth of a bay two miles
wide. They argued that this was a
drastic measure which would deprive
many poor people of an honest living
anA would not help the interior of the
State.
The minority then began some skillful
filibustering, endeavoring to keep
the house frbm coming to a tote. The
bill had been taken up at 1 o'clock, and |
at 2 o'clock, the regular hour for adV
i
* * r ' ;
Journment. Mr. Doar had the floor.
Many efforts were made to cut him off
the floor, but for two hours he kept
the floor speaking, reading from paper?.
answering questions and fighting
against time. Finally the chair ruled
that a motfon to recede from business
could take a speaker from the floor,
and seeing that the advocates of the
bill would hang on until midnight I
without dinner, the Georgetown delegation
gave up the fight against unequal
numbers. The minority was able
to sustain the fight for three hours
only with the assistance of Mr. T. Y.
Williama, who is without a superior
in the house as a parliamentary tactician.
All the Protocols Signed.
Washington. Special. ? Minister
Bowen, Venezuela's representative in
the peace negotiations at Washington,
signed with each of the allies' representatives
here, a protocol providing
for the immediate raising of the blockade
and for the reference of the question
of preferential treatment of the
claim of the allies against the Venezuelan
government to The Hague. The
final formalities occurred at the British
embassy. At 11:20 Friday night Mr.
Herbert, the first secretary to the embassy.
announced bo the Associated
Press that the British protocol had
just been signed. All the protocols were
signed at 11:50.
????????
Baptist flSssionary Conference.
Macon, Ga.. Special.?The Baptist
Missionary Conference and School of
Methods will meet in this city on the
i 17th of February, and will continue
through the 22nd. Several preachers
and speakers of national reputation
will deliver addresses during the conference.
Among these will be Dr. John
R. Sampev. of Louisville, Ky.; Dr. Wm.
E. Hatcher, of Richmond. Va.; J. M.
Frost, of Nashville, Tenn.: Dr. W. W\
Labdrum. of Atlanta, and Rev. B. YV.
Spillman, of Nashville.
A Great Flood.
Mobile. Special.?The river steamer
Mary arrived from Selma. Ala., and
reports that water in the lower Alabama
river is higher than ever before
known. All the lowland back to the hill
country is under water from Choctaw
BlufJ to River Junction, a distance of
120 miles. The people expect floods
at his season, but the rise is unprecedented
and the water i3 still rising.
A great many cattle are drowned and
much timber prepared for rafting has
been lost.
j Georgia Doctor Shot Dead.
Washington, Ga.. Special.?Dr. J. L.
I Tharp, a physician of this place, was
| shot and instantly killed here Thurs|
day. Frank Rucker, who claims that
Tharp had insulted his wife, was? arrested.
charged with having committed
the crime. The shooting occurred in the
public road in front of Rueker's house.
It is not known whether any words
passed between the two men. Rucker
fired one shot, the bullet taking effect ,
in Dr. Tharp's breast and causing instant
death.
NEWSY GLEAN1NCS.
Ottawa (Can.) civil servants want an
increase in pay.
Not a single life was lost on British
railways in the year 1901.
Surveys have lxven made of 153 Scottish
locks during the last seven
months.
China has announced the intention
10 assume. control 01 me cuiuijierviui
telegraph lines.
Nothing is loft of tho nose of the
Egyptian Sphinx, thanks largely to the
vandalism of tourists.
A special commission has been appointed
by the Mexican Government I
to study the silver question.
The United States Government has
appropriated $4.7),000 for the purchase
of horses for the fiscal year of 1903"- i
1904.
The Russian Government has con- ,
sented to the appointment of foreign
consuls at Dainy, its new port in
The Vermont Fair and Trotting Association
has held an annnni fair and 1
race meeting every September for 1
fifty-six years.
Over $18,000,000 a year is appropriated
for public schools in New Jersey.
There are more than 2000 schools, .
with more than 8000 teachers.
Cuban soap manufacturers produce
150,000 boxes of soap annually, and
pay $15,000 a month in wages. In addition
to these 150,000 boxes there are ;
imported from 50,000 to 60,000 boxes. i
A special committee that has beer
investigating the question announcer (
that, should Great Britain become in
volved in a European war. bread mu?;
be expected to go to a famine price it.
Britain.
State Labor Co mm is loner Harry F.
Black, of New Haven., Conn., h?;
erected an imposing monument over 1
the grave of James Armour, a revolu 1
tlonary soldier, who was great uncle
of fbe late Philip D. Armour.
The Highlanders' Instinct.
It is curious to observe how deeply
rooted some national characteristic:! 1
are. Lord Lovat's speech at the banquet
to the Lovat Scouts, which we
report elsewhere, disclosed the fac*. i
that the Highlanders' talent for cattle- <
lifting, which had free play during i
several centuries of border warfare 3
before Chatham invented Highland
regiments, is still strong in their descendants.
"But now," said Lovat, '
"instead of going to the Lowlands for ,
their cattle, they went to South Africa (
for them, and he had heard that a
gentleman in South Africa had said
Ihe Highlanders were the best cattle '
thieves he had ever met." This seems '
to be the point which has most stirred ;
the imagination of Lord Lovat in the (
"admirable services," as the king well ;
called them in his telegram to the i
gathering of thd Highland regiments.
%
WINDING UP OF CASE.
Mr. Bowen Taking The Last Stepj
in Venezuelan Controversy.
Washington, Special.?Minister Bowen
expects to begin immediately the
preparations of the protocols with the
representatives of the unallied powers
for the settlement of the claims of
the citizens of these nations who have
suffered as a result of the trouble in
Venezuela. There are eight of these
claimant nations. The drawing up of
the protocol with this government will
be the first undertaken. Solicitor Penfield.
of the State Department, will
represent the United States in these
negotiations with Mr. Bowen. Work
on thia protocol, it is expected, will
begin tomorrow and Mr. Bowen's belief
is that matters will move forward
with greater rapidity than they did
with the representatives of the allied
governments who were enforcing the
blockade against Venezuela. The negotiations
with France will follow
those with the United States, and so
on until the protocols with all the unallied
creditor nations are completed.
The statement has been made that the
allied powers were opposed to preferential
treatment to Great Britain, Germany
anl Italy, and that in all probability
Venezuela, the United States
and France will be lined up as representing
the eight unallied nations at
The Hague, as opposed to the three
allies.
Mr. Bowen continues to receive congratulatory
dispatches from Venezuela
on the outcome of his work here. One
of those which he prizes most highly
is from the citizens of La Guiara,
through the prefect which read as follows
:
"La Guiara?The citizens of La
Gttiara through me felicitate you as
tlie great and good friend of Venezuela."
Various efforts have been made by
representatives of big financial houses
in this country to sound Mr. Bowen as
to his views on the question of financing
the debts of Venezuela, which will
arise out of the expected adjudication
of the claims by the several mixed
commissions. Mr. Bowen, however,
has informed all those who have spoken
to him on the subject that his
mission here is entirely a diplomatic
one, and that he could not consider
the financial features of the matter.
POSTMASTER nULLEN IS OUT.
Mr. Smith Appointed to Succeed to
the Office.
Charlotte, N. C.. Special.?Mr. W. N.
Mullen was last week removed from
the office of postmaster of this city on
the third charge. It will be remembered
that the first charge against him
was for intoxication. Thi^ was settled
in a way satisfactory to the department.
and Mullen was retained.
The second charge was that a shortage
of several hundred dollars appeared in
his books. This was some weeks ago,
but Mullen showed that the shotage
was fully covered, and again was retained.
Last week, however, the
charge was urged that he had failed to
weigh second-class matter, and that as
a result the government had lost a
large sum of postage. Mr. Mullen was
then relieved and the question of a
successor came up. Mr. Geo. B. Hiss
was tendered the position, but declined.
Mr. R. W. Smith, was then appointed.
Several telegrams were sent
to the department and to Senator
Prltchard urging the withdrawal of
Mr. Smith's name, but this action was
not taken, and it is likely that his appointment
will be confirmed.
Ex-Governor Fishback Dead.
Little Rock, Ark., Special.?Former
Governor Wm. Fishback died Monday
at his home in Fort Smith, of paralysis.
He was 72 year sof age. He was
widely known as the author of the
Fishback amendment, by which the
Legislature is forbidden ever to pay
certain bonds issued during the reconstruction
period.
A Special Wrecked.
Washington, Special.?It is reported
that the Florida Special on the Southern
Railway, which leaves here at 9:50
p. m., was wrecked 10 miles south of
Alexandria. Va., Saturday night. One
- ?J A- 1 I.IIIa/1 DV?
man IS saiu iu iio.ve ueeu Jimeu. ru;aicians
have been sent out from Alexandria.
An arrest has been made on
a charge of train-wrecking.
New Relief Committee.
Mexico City, Special.?A relief committee
under the name of "Comite Naclonal,"
has been organized here, to
take the place of the charity commission
which has been collecting funds
for Mazatlan. President Diaz is honorary
president of the committee. The
actual president is Minister of Interior
Corralli. In view of the controversy
that people leaving the city of Mazatlan
dodge the sanitary stations, and
because of the reported appearance of
the plague at a small town near that
city, the authorities have decided to
make more strict regulations governing
emigration from the stricken fort.
The Oregon Deadlock.
Salem, Ore., Special.?The last week
af the legislative assembly will begin
jnH frnm nrf?af>r>t InHirntinna thprp will
be no election until the last day and
perhaps the last hour of the session.
No Joint resolution for adjournment
has yet been passed, but the Legislature
will probably dissolve on Friday
ar Saturday. Throughout the enttre
Bession State Senator C. W. Fulton Eas
been the leading candidate with 34
votes, 45 being necessary for a chaise*
1
f *
i
TILLMAN ON HABEAS CORPUS
I Vigorous Effort Made to Get Hln
Out of Jail on Bond.
Newberry, S. C., Special?Applica.
tions for bail for former Lieutenani
1 Governor James H. Tillman, chargec
with the murder of N. G. Gonzales
editor of The State, In Columbia, S. C.
January 15th, was argued here las
week.
The hearing was presided over bj
Chief Justice Y. J. Pope, who on lasi
Saturday granted the hearing to th?
defending attorneys of James H. Tillman.
The commonwealth of South Carolina
was represented by State Attornej
General Gunter and Solicitor Thurmond.
Tillman was defended by Congressman-elect
George W. Croft, his
law partner and P. H. Nelson, oi
Columbia.
Justice Pope signed an order requiring
Tillman's counsel to serve
copies of affidavits upon the solicitor
general, who would reply if desired,
and the answers of the state will be
served upon the appellants who are also
given the right to reply.
Monday at noon both sides will be
present before Justice Pope in Columbia.
and final action will be taken.
Tillman and his lawyers are sure of
winning the decision on the ground of
self defense. The solicitor and his assistant
counsel declare they will resist
bail to the very last.
The hearing of the application for
bail began shortly after 2 o'clock. The
court room was packed almost to suffocation.
There was no demonstration
when Tillman entered as the judge had
warned everybody to be absolutely
qnlet. Tillman appeared calm, then
nervous, impatient and angry at the
varying stages of the hearing.
Col. Nelson, for Mr. Tillman, conducted
his case. Affidavits were read
alleging Gonzales had sent a message
threatening Tillman's life. One affidavit
declared it was expected and believed
Tillman would be shot by Gonzales
whenever the two men met.
A lengthy affidavit from Tillman was
read in which he swore he had been
warned by many that his life was in
danger, and that he fired in self defense.
His affidavit declared that as
Gonzales approached on the fatal day,
Gonzales slipped his hand into his
overcoat pocket, which Tillman says
he thought was a motion to draw a
pistol. Not until the shot was fired.
Tillman says, he realized Gonzales had
not also shot him.
When the appellants announced
closed the solicitor objected to any furfViA
An tkn
luci luuiiuuauLC ui cue ucc&i 1115 vu cue
ground that affidavits had been sprung
on them at the very latest moment,
when they had no opportunity to make
investigation.
Justice Pope ruled after argument
from both sides had been made that
his order would be to continue the
bearing until all affidavits on both
sides could be answered. Both sides
declined an expression of opinion after
the decision had been announced.
The details of the tragedy in which
Editor Gonzales lost his life are well
remembered. Since the day of the
shooting, Thursday. January 15, quiet
and persistent efforts have been made
by Tillman's legal advisers in outlining
their plans of defense.
TILLMAN REACHES NEWBERRY.
Former Lieutenant Governor Jas. H.
Tillman arrived at 1 o'clock, accom
panled by his brother-in-law, Judge
Buchanan, who is his leading counsel.
Other members of counsel who accompanied
the prisoner were R. H. Nelson,
Geo. Rembert and Geo. W. Croft, former
congressman, who Is Mr. Tillman's
law partner.
There was no demonstration at the
depot, when the party arrived, as it
was supposed they would come via the
Southern. Instead, Tillman, an officer,
and counsel came over the other route.
Tillman was driven immediately to
the office of Col. Cole Blease, a member
of counsel, where many,of his friends
called on him during the short time before
the party went to the Crowell hotel
to dinner.
The officer from Columbia had very
little to do, and no one who did not
Know would have thought Tillman was
under arrest.
Mr. Tillman said! "All I ask for is
a f^ir trial and I am ready for it."
While he was tf.lking to me, one of
bis lawyers called him to the window
and said: "Jim, there's one of the
best friends you have got in the world.
He has been praying for your acquittal."
"That's a good friend to have." said
Tillman, "and his prayer will be answered."
Aftr a brief conference with friends
in the lawyer's office. Mr. Tillman was
taken to the hotel and dinner was served.
Live News Items.
Dr. J. L. M. Curry, a famous Southern
educator and trustee of the Peabody
educational fund, died at Asheville,
N. C., last Thursday. Dr. Curry
was minister to Spain under President
Cleveland.
The President sent the following
nominations to the Senate: United
States Attorney of Florida; Marcus C.
McLemore, Southern District of Texas.
United States marshal, Geo. H. 0.
Green, Northern District of Texas.
It is not likely that English ocean
steamers will soon be built longer than
the latest specimens. No ship of more
than 730 feet can work in the Liverpool
docks, and in the London docks
700 feet is the limit.
Termination of the Blockade.
Washington, Special.?Official notice
of the termination of the blockade of
the Venezuelan ports, as conveyed In
the original proclamations, has reached
the State Department, in the shape
of a dispatch received from the United
States embassy at London, stating that
the British Foreign Office has given
it out that a cablegram has been sent
this morning to the British naval commander
in Venezuelan waters to raise
blockade.
rzp-r?7~|
our. budget .
op Humor. .
; 5 '
1 Recompense.
. ffc is*f as smart as a phonograph,
He can talk, and sweetly sing and langOf
' Imitate birds, bass drums, trombones,
c Alto, soprano and tenor tones.
But perhaps his gifts are recompense
For the fact that he has no commotf
sense.
t -New York HeraldV
' Selfish Child:
Nice Old Gentleman?"Here! Here!
Come out of that!'*
The Kid?"I will cot. Go an' git your
own mud puddle!"?New York Press.
Out of Their Element.
"Pretty tiresome, isn't it?" remarked
the first man at a reception.
"It is so," replied the other. ,
' "I'd sneak out if I could, but my wife
would get mad. She's a friend of the
uosiess.
"I'd sneak out,? too, but my wife
would be furious. She's the hostess." >
?Philadelphia Press.
Here's Hoping.
"I played the part of a gage at the
fancy dress party last night, and Miss
Rlchgirl asked me to advise her." . i
"What did you tell her?'
"I told her she ought to marry some
poor man."
"Is she going to?'
"I don't know; I haven't asked her
yet."?Detroit Free Press.
A Sordid Philosophy.
"What have you decided to do about
the man who publicly accuses you of
putting money into politics?"
"Nothing," answered Senator Sorg1
hum. "He'll work, out his own retrlbu1
tlon. If he keeps on talking that way
' people with money to spend will keep ^
clear of him, and he'll miss lots of
good things."?Washington Star.
A Halr-RaUIng Story.
?New York Times.
Merely Precautionary.
"You succeeded in life in spite of th?
fact that you did not give much atten
tlon to Siuay aunuj; yuar yuuw.
"Yes," answered Mr. Cnmrox. "But
that doesn't prove that education isn't
a good thing. I was so much afraid
that people would make fun of my
spelling that I was compelled to bustle
acd get rich in self-defense."?Washington
Star. *
Compromise.
"Want the trousers creased?", asked
the tailor.
"That's the style, isn't it?"
"Well, not so much, perhaps, as It
used to be. Some oT*my customers
won't have it done now at all."
"Oh, well, I'm not particular," replied
the customer. "Suppose you
I crease one or toe legs ana leave tun
other baggy."?Chicago Tribune.
A
Not in Need ol Sympathy.
"Do you sympathize with these poor
animals who live In captivity at the
zoo?" inquired the sympathetic girl.
"No," a/iswered the practical young
man; "I strongly suspect that those
animals are thinking how much better
off they are with food and shelter always
provided by human beings, in*
stead of being compelled to hustle ia
the wilderness."?Washington Star
A Confusion of Principles.
"So you are going back to Europe."
it -?? oni/l tt,o mneiflnn "T nm
L UUi, DUiU CUV Uiuw.vmw. w?.
going back where they love art for
art's sake; where low, mercenary considerations
do not Infect the atmoaphere
of genins."
"Then you do not like t^ Americans?"
f
"Why should I? They refused to pay
$5 a seat to hear my concerts."?Wash- |
ington Star. * -rf
A Friendly Recommendation.
"I never yet have had a picture of
myself taken that culted me," she complained.
"That's too bad," her dearest friend,
replied, "I . know of a place where
I'm snre yon could get satisfaction.
They have such a skillful retoucher.
When be gets through with the plate
you really won't know yourself."?ChW
cago Be cord-Herald.