The Darlington herald. (Darlington, S.C.) 1890-1895, July 27, 1894, Image 1
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THE
HERALD.
VOL. IV.
DARLIN GTON, S. C., FRIDAY, JULY 27, 1894.
NO. 34.
MIRAGE.
With milk-white dome and minaret
Most fair my Promised City shone;
Beside a pnrple river set
The waving palm trees beckoned on.
O yon, I said, most be my goal
No matter what the danger be,
The chosen haven of my soul,
How hard soe’er the penalty.
The goal is gained—the journey done—
Yet naught is here but sterile space,
But whirling sand and burning sun,
And hot winds blowing in my face.
—[Graham R. TomsoU, in Scribner.
tm w.
A dark night, and the sky hidden
by a moss of hurrying ^louda. A
raw, chilly wind, the ground ajl mud,
the tall grass and trees dripping
from heavy rains. Just emerging in
to a dark cornfield from still darker
woods, a young man, his clothing
drenched and mud-stained, his face
haggard and desperate, and his whole
attitude as he leaned heavily against
the rail fence telling of utter ex
haustion. He was worn out. For
more than two hours he had been
flying for life over a country imper
fectly known to him, though familiar
to hiifijtlriUtedR 1 \
TuHhwMsh *W»yhfc would, Gilbert
Hazelton could see nothing before
him but speedy and disgraceful
death. Never to see the sun again,
nay, not oven a friendly face I x Was
thja-Gie end of the bright hopes with
which he had kissed his mother good-
by only two short months before.
He had been accused of murder,
tried for his life, found guilty and
sentenced to death. His letter to his
friends «pst have, miscarried, for
, tboy had riot come tb his relief. Poor
ifMd alone among strangers, who per
il fete** belicting him identical with
*tho tramp who had murdered poor
David Westford, Gilbert had yet
fought bravely for his life. Some few
had been convinced of his innocence,
and his lawyer had succeeded in ob
taining a new trial, in which now
witnesses might at least prove an
alibi.
But when this word went abroad,
the townspeople were furious. They
had seen more than one undoubted
criminal escape through some tech
nicality. Were they now to see the
murderer of poor David Westford
escape through the easily bought per
jury of some worthless companions
in crime? They vowed it should not
be. Last night at dusk groups of
stern-looking men stood before the
jail talking grimly together, and a
whisper in the air warned the Sheriff
what was coming.
The jail was old and rickety. He
could not defend it, and his resolve
was quickly taken. In the early
dusk the prisoner was sent out by a
side door, under charge of the
Sheriff’s son, while the Sheriff him
self remained to make sure mob
violence did not make a mistake and
seize some other victim. But treach-
,ery yrripd the word to the mob,
! and tfieySweye spon in hot pursuit of
thq ffgj|t|ve£. In this emergency the
boy, who was firmly convinced of the
prisoner’s innocence, released him,
demanding only a promise to rejoin
him at a place appointed, and him
self turned back to throw the pur
suers off the trail if possible. Gil
bert fully intended to k ep his pro
mise, but in the darkm ! he missed
his way, and the bloodhounds In the
rear caught his trail.
Now for two hours, which seemed
two eternities, he had been running
for life, and the unknown country
and horrible mud had completely ex
hausted the little strength that two
month|| of confinement and terrible
anxWltfd Wfi him. Nothing but
utt&><&agjeAgt r>& <could h^ve driven
! w .hea a shout
carntTfSIntiy rromjthe rear he pushed
forward with a great effort across the
strip of cornfield, through the fence,
and out on a well-travelled road.
To one less utterly worn out this
would have given a glimmer of hope,
for here at least the mud had become
liquid ooze, which retained no foot
print. The pursuers would not know
which way to turn, and must watch
both roadsides to see that he did not
turn aside. But ho was too tired to
use the advantage, and when, after
running a few rods he slipped and
fell, ho lay there a full minute, too
utterly exhausted to rise.
. A farmhouse stood a quarter of a
difo faA-lh^r bn * afcd as he lay there
pfcrftfog/eklaMslecf, waiting only for
death to overtake him, his hopeless
glances fell upon its light. And then
he suddenly scrambled to his feet,
resolved to make one last effort for
life. He would struggle on to the
farmhouse, and appeal to -the quiet
family circle.
It took all the strength this last
faint hope gave him to carry him to
the gate and up the cinder wa'k,
whose hard, dark surface would be
tray no footstep. Yet his heart failed
as he reached the door, and leaned,
utterly exhausted against the door
post.
The window was but a step away.
He crept to it and looked between
the curtains. A plain, neat farm
house kiteken, and two women, evi
dently mother jsnd daughter, sitting
JtAle before the fire, the
he* lewjng, the daughter reading
■<k iNqonb fee in sight, yet Gil-
kfeua A stnothired gasp and fell
back in despair.
“David Westford’* mother and sis
ter 1 That settles it!"
He had seen both faces at the trial
—the elder, sad and patient under Its
silvery hair; the younger pure, pale
clear-clear-cut, thrown Into strong
relief by the dark eyes, long let lashes
and heavy black braids.
He stood there •till hopeless and
helpless, when there came a break
in the clear voice within. The girl
had ceased reading. He looked in
and saw her pick Up a pitcher and
come toward the doof. A tnbment
more abd she had come out, all un
conscious of the man so near, gone
straight to the pump, on which the
lamplight ehonc, and was filling her
pitcher. Nerved by desperation, Gil
bert stepped toward her.
“I will appeal to her. Why should
n’t I? 1 did not kill her brother,
She may pity me. She Is a woman
and they are half Quakers
have heard," he muttered an;
aloud, “Miss Westford, help for God’s
slke.”
The clanking of the pump ceased.
The girl looked arpund with a startled
air. "Who spoke?" she demanded.
“A fugitive, utterly exhauster
with flight from a bloodthirsty mob.
They are close at heels. I can’t go
farther, and I am doomed unless you
have pity and give me help, or con
cealment.”
“ Who are you?” she inquired, and
with a dreadful sinking at his heart
be gave his name, " Gilbert Hazel-
ton."
She uttered a sharp cry and looked
away where the distant lanterns were
gleaming through the cornfield—the
pursuers on his track.
“I must ask mother," she said,
and snatching up her pitcher swept
post him into the house.
He heard her quick voice, and Mrs.
Westford’s startled outcry, and in
very desperation followed her in.
The old mother mot him, white-
hnlred and venerable. “So thee can
seek shelter here, of David West-
ford’s bereaved mother ? " she said,
bitterly, wonderingly.
“Why not ? I never harmed you er
him," he urged desperately. “As
true as there is a heaven above us, I
am Innocent of what ia laid to my
charge. It will bo proved when my
friends come; But that will be too
late unless you help ma.”
‘-But I do not know it now,” Mrs.
Westford wavered. “ Thee speaks
fair, but dp not all criminals do the
same ? A trial was given thee and
thy innocence was not proved. Why
should I save the murderer of my
boy?”
Gilbert fell into a chair too ex
hausted to stand. “You will know
when it is too late if you refuse me
aid. Madam will you risk it ?—risk
feeling that you have saved an inno
cent man, but instead let him go to
his death ? "
“Ernestine,” cried the old mother,
piteously, “wlint ought we to do ?
How can wo risk a lifelong remorse,
or how can we risk letting David’s
murderer go free to break other
hearts as ours are broken ? What
does thee say ? "
The girl stood in the open door,her
glances alternating between the
pleading face of the fugitive and the
lanterns coming along the roadside.
“We must decide quickly,mother,”
and her clear voice quivered with
feeling. “Ho may be innocent. It
hardly seems as though a guilty man
would come herr —to David’s home
—for shelter. And if we are acces
sory to his death—mother, it is mur
der for them to take the law into
their own unauthorized hands. Our
choice lies between one man, who
may or may npt be a murderer, and
a score who will surely be if we do
not hinder.”
“Then thee says save him?” Mrs.
Westford asked, doubtfully.
“I dare not refuse it, mother. Do
you?”
The old lady hesitated, then, open
ing a corner cupboard, took out a
pair of handcuffs—relics of the days
when David had been deputy sheriff
and earned the enmity of tramps and
evildoers—and held them towards
Gilbert.
“If thee will put these on, that we
may have no fear from thy violence
when the mob are gone, we will con
ceal thee safely, and when the search
is over sonJ thee back to thy lawful
guardian. That is all. I cannot
place myself and my daughter at the
mercy of one who may liave none.
Will thee consent?”
She was only prudent. Gilbert
bowed silently and extended his
hands. It was his only chance for
life, and it would be the height of
folly to object. Yet a faint color
came Into his face as the cold steel
snapped on his wrists, rendering him
helpless—yet scarcely more so than
fatigue had already made him.
The hesitation of both was over
now. Ernestine bade him remove his
muddy shoes, while she swiftly closed
the door and drew down the blinds,
and the mother hurried into another
room. Thither Ernestine beckoned
him to follow, pausing only to thrust
the shoes out of sight.
At the door she turned. “It is
David’s room,” looking keenly in his
face. “Como ini”
It was a small, plainly furnished
room. Mrs. Westford had drawn
ine bed from the wall and thrown
back the last breadth of carpet, re
vealing a tiny trap-door. At his en
trance she opened it, and motioned
him down.
“It is only four feet. You can
drop that far,” said Ernestine en
couragingly. “There is no outer
door. You will be quite safe.”
Her mother smiled sadly. “How
many frightened fugitives have slept
there in safety! But that was years
ago—before the war. Thee need not
fear. Now—but stay, thee must be
faint. I will bring thee food ard
drink.
She hurried away, and he swung
himself down. It was not very easy,
with his manacled hands, and Ernest-
tine helped him. His heart thrilled
at the touch of her cold, trembling
fingers.
“She shrinks from my touch. She
thinks my hand stained with her
brother’s blood," he thought bit
terly.
But another glance at tho pure,
pale face relieved him. She was
listening anxiously, and said with
hurried kihuhesftj “There is an old
Ded thei'e. thhk, Vkile t bold the
light dowii. There i EVfeH .hhlf an
hour’s rest will help you. But you
must eat and rest in the dark, for
this cellar extends under the kitchen,
which is carpetless, and has cracks
it) the floofi Here comes mother.”
Very hurriedly Mrs. Westford
passed the well-filled dish and
pitcher to him, reporting the tnob
almost before the house;
“CoVet lip, quickly| Ernestine, I
am going to wake Harry. ,,
That was her youngest son, still
sleeping soundly upstairs.
She hurried away, and Ernestine
quickly lowered the trap-door and
pushed back the bed;
Shut down in the darktilstf; Gilbert
groped his way to the old bed, and
sank down on it In utter exhaustion.
He heard the girl’s quick step, the
closing door, the louder steps directly
overhead, and a slender spur of
lamplight came down through a
crack. She was back in the kltcheU
—and there were stern voices in
distinctly to be heard without. Er
nestine heard them more plainly,
and stood with clasped hands and
pale face, praying silently,-but oh,
so earnestly, that the innocent, If he
were innocent, might be saved, when
her young brother came rushing
down stars just as there came thun
dering knocks at the door.
Mrs. Westford had told him no
more than that a crowd of men with
lanterns were approaching, and it
was in perfect good faith that he flung
open the door and angrily demanded
their business. They soon satisfied
him.
“The tramp that murdered your
brother Is at large, and wo are hunt
ing for him. We have looked all up
and down the road, Ipr we know he
came this way, and It looks mightily
as if he had slipped Into your prem
ises and hidden somewhere. Your
folks will have no objection to our
searching, I reckon?”
“Not a bit. I don’t think he would
stop here, but if he did I hope you’ll
catch him and hang him to the near
est tree,” the boy answered fiercely.
The fugitive, plainly hearing every
word, shuddered, but he had no idea
how many times that old house hod
been searched in vain for hunted
souls, or he would not have feared.
The out buildings and premises were
thoroughly searched, while Ernestine
and her mother looked on with pale,
quiet faces and wildly heating hearts,
and the fugitive lay and listened in
the darkness. Then the men rode on,
grumbling and cursing the Sheriff for
letting the prisoner escape.
Silence settled on the old farm
house, and Gilbert actually fell into
a light doze, from which Mrs. West-
ford’s soft call aroused him. Half
asleep, he made his way to the trap
door and was helped np. Ernestine,
in-cloak and hat, stood waiting.
“Mother thinks it best that you
should be back in safety before day
break," she said simply. “I can
drive you over very soon.”
“I hate to let thee go, dear,” her
mother said anxiously.
It is only for an hour, mother,"
reassured the girl; “and we can
hardly trust Harry. He is only a
boy and so impetuous and titter.”
Mrs. Westford sighed. “It seems
to be a duty—and surely our Fathei
will not let thee suffer for doing thy
duty. Well, go. My prayers shall
go with thee. But be careful, child.”
The light wagon and bay pony stood
at the door. The prisoner was helped
into the back seat and Ernestine
sprang in before. The big watch dog
followed at her call and cnrled up
under her seat, and Gilbert felt that
however kindly these women might
feel they were not disposed to run
any useless risks.
“Good-by, mother. Don’t fret,”
was Ernestine’s parting word, and
Mrs. Westford’s earnest “May God
protect thee” showed her uneasiness;
Yet she added a kindly word to the
prisoner, “And may He bring out the
truth? I hope we shall see thee free
before ail the world right speedily.”
Then they drove away in the dark
ness. Ernestine spoke little; her
heart beat too fast. She half apolo
gized for taking the dog.
“The roads would be so lonely
coming back," an apology which he
readily accepted. Could he resent
her prudence when she had given him
his life? But he could not help being
intensely thankful that the dog had
been asleep in the barn when he ap
proached.
Their trip was about half done
when lanterns gleamed ahead, and
wheels and voices were heard ap
proaching. “The mob!” was his
first thought, and Ernestine whis
pered hurriedly, “Down under your
seat till they pass!” then with a sad
den joyful change in tone and man
ner, “Oh, It is the Sheriff! Thank
heavens 1”
The Sheriff it was, looking anxious
ly for his charge, but with little hope
of ever seeing him again alive. Ern
estine turned quickly.
“Your wrists, please," and the
manacles fell off. “There! You
need not tell that part unless you
wish. It was only—but you under
stand. Mother had a right to be
cautious, you know.”
And then the Sheriff was hailing
them, and as much surprised as de
lighted to find his prisoner in such
hands. The transfer was soon made,
and with a kindiy word of farewell,
Ernestine hastened back to her anx
ious mother.
At the new trial Gilbert Hazelton
had no difficulty in proving hfoown
identity and was triumphantly ac
quitted. Of all the warm handclasps
and congratulations ho received, none
Ijave him more pleasure than those of
Mrs. Westford and her daughter. •
“You must come and see us,”
Skid Washing. “I know
we were not over-polite to you,
mother and I; but come again, and
you will find that we can bo civil.”
And he did come—not once, but.
mahy tlmes-HMld at last earned
sWfetlt Ernestine away as his bride.
—[Overland Monthly,
THE JOKER’S BUDGET*
JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.
HOW MATCHES ARE MADE.
—■ - - fe
Not Matrimonial Ones, but Those
Mgda ta Bum.
The wood tiaed it) the manufacture
of matches la priWdtMdfy white pop
lar,- aspen and yellow pine, Ih the
United States white pine is used al
most exclusively. It burns freely,
steadily, slowly, constant fy and with
a good volume of flame. The Wood
is soft, straight gfain, easily worked,
and its light weight is of no small
consequence in the matter of trans
portation chafges, which SM usually
higli on combustible articles.
For the best grade of matches the
choicest quality of cork pino is used,
a variety of white pine, the trees be
ing large and well matured. The
Diamond Match Company about
twelve years ago secured hundreds of
millions of feet of choice standing
cork pine timber on the waters of the
Ontonagon Kiver in the upper penin
sula of Michigan. This company now
cuts annually Upward of 80,000,000
feet of this timber, but this is by no
means all that is used in tho mnllU*
facture of matches in this country.
Millions of feet more of choice white
pine timber are bought every year
and made into matches by a number
of factories under the control of this
corporation.
In Sweden the method of manu
facture is as follows: The timber Is
cut into blocks about fifteen Inches
long and and placed in a lathe. With
each revolution a slice -or veneer is
peeled off the thickness required for
the match sticks, while at tho same
time eight small knives cut the slice
into seven pieces, like ribbons and of
the length required for tho sticks.
These ribbons are then broken into
lengths of six to Veven feet, knotty
and (’efective pieces are removed and
the ribbons are then fed through a
machine which cuts them into piecqs
like a straw cutter, these then pass
ing through an automatically arrang
ed machine with cutters, which slices
off as many pieces, the thickness re
quired for a match, as there are cut
ters. One machine will turn out
from 5,000,000 to 10,000,000 match
splints a day.
In this country choice, clear two,
three and four inch planks are used,
also pieces from tho ends of planks
and timbers, edgings and other suit
able parts of the log not utilized.
These are cut the required length
and sliced or split by machinery
adapted for the purpose. After pass
ing through these machlnos the
match splints are dried In heated re
volving drums, during which process
tho loose splinters clinging to tho
splints are separated. They are then
placed in a sieve and sifted, an
operation which finally places the
sticks in parallel order so that they
can be conveniently bundled, after
which they are ready for the dipping
operation.
The head of each stick, to be thor
oughly dipped or covered, must bo
separated from the others, tliut no
danger shall ensue from ignition, as
would be done if they came in con
tact with the inflammable material
used in the coating. The sticks are
separated by machinery and placed
each by itself in a dipping frame,
which is fitted in a movable lathe,
and a number of these lathes are
placed on a machine. One person
can arrange with one of the machines
nearly 1,500,000 splints in a day.
The splints are then heated so as to
more readily absorb paraffin, which
is confined in its molten state in shal
low pans.
The first dipping covers tho head
of the match sticks with the paraffin
preparation; by tho second operation
it is covered with the igniting com
position, different devices being used
for this purpose. A competent per
son will dip 8,000,000 matches in a
day. After the lust dipping the
frames containing the matches are
placed in a heated room, that the ig
niting composition may be dried.
They are then removed from this
room and packed In boxes ready for
shipment.—[Chicago Journal of Com
merce.
Neat of a Troo Ant.
The nests of an extraordinary tree
ant are cunningly wrought with
leaves, united together with web.
One was observed in New South
Wales in the expedition under Capt.
Cook. The leaves utilized were as
broad as one’s hand, and were bent
and glued to each other at their tips.
How the insects manage to bring the
leaves into the required position was
never ascertained, but thousands
wore seen uniting their strength to
hold them down, while other busy
multitudes were employed within in
applying the gluten that was to pre
vent them returning back. The ob-
se-vers, to satisfy themselves that
the foliage was indeed incurvated and
held in this form by the efforts of the
ants, disturbed the builders at their
work, and as soon as they were driven
away the leaves sprang up with a
force much greater than it would
have been deemed possible for such
laborers to overcome by any combin
ation of strength. The more com
pact and elegant dwelling (E. vires-
cens is made of leaves, cut and mast
icated until they become a coarse
pulp. Its diameter is about six
Inches; it is suspended among thick
est foliage, and sustained not only by
the branches on which it hangs but
by the loaves, which are worked iut<
the composition and in many parU
project from its outer wall.—[Popular
Science Monthly.
Dissipation - - Kitchen Mystery Solved
• •Tho Increase of Wisdom.-Tho
Worm had Turned ..Eto. Eto.
niBsrPATiov.
“I don’t knoww.hat I’m going to
io about my husband,” said the cwl,
with a sob.
“What’s the matter?” asked the
sympathetic nightingale.
“His habits arc getting something
dreadful. Tills is the second time
this yrsek that he has been up all
day.”
KITCHEN MYSTERY SOLVED.
Mrs. Nuwed—Bridget, why do my
dishes disappear so rapidly?
Bfidffet—Sluirc, ma’am, its beknse
they’re breakfast dishes, I’m afther
thinkin’.—[Truth.
THE INCREASE OF WISDOM.
It Is not until a man reaches
thirty that he begins to wrap the
small bills 01) the outside of his roll.
—[Texas Siftings.
THE WORM HAD TURNED.
“Have you been reading about the
Stem on the face of the sun?” asked
the landlady of the meek boarder ns
she put the cream otlt of his reach.
“No’m. I’ve all I can do to watch
the storms on tho face of the daugh
ter,” he responded sadly.—[Detroit
Free Press.
CONSCIENTIOUS.
The Victim—How many times am
I going to marry?
The Sibyl—Only eight times, mad
am. I would like to make It more
but I must go by the cards.—
[Truth.
CATCHING HIS MOTHER.
Little Clarence Callipers—Mamma,
what is the host thing' for a boy to do
when ho wears his trousers out?
Mrs. Callipers—Get a now pair, I
suppose.
Clarence—No, mamma; wear thdtti
home again.
WHY HE STOLE A KISS FROM HER.
She (shyly)—Do you believe that
stolen kisses are sweetest?
He—I don’t know; I never stole
one.
She—Well, the first time you steal
one, let me know.*
He—Ah, but whore shall I steal
one?
She (with a far away look in her
eyes)—-Oh, I don’t know. I dare say
there are plenty of chances, and
when you see one you should at once
take advantage of it.—[New York
Press.
THE VALUE OF A COLLEGE EDUCATION.
“Dearest,” said she, “suppose a
bull should attack us as wo arc cross
ing this pasture what would you
do?”
“ThaUs an awful queer question,
Mabel. You forget I was the great
est sprinter Yale ever had.”—1 Adams
Freeman.
LASTED A LONG TIME.
Willis—When my wife makes mo a
present it is sure to be something
that will Inst.
Wallace—My wife is just like her.
Five years ago she made mo n present
of one hundred cigars, and I have
ninety-nine of them yet.—[Life.
EXPENSE.
His hair rippled away from his
brow and the true poetic fire shone
in ills eyes, although he was as yet
head salesman in a shoe store.
“Sir,” he exclaimed dramatically,
“dear as your daughter is to me now,
I feel that she will be yet dearer.”
The old man gazed upon his son-in-
law in pity.
“My boy,” he rejoined, “I should
hasten to cackle. You just wait until
her trousseau is worn out. Dear?
Well, rather?
The youth stood transfixed in a
hypnosis of horror.—[Detroit Tri
bune.
LEATHER THEN.
Dealer—“You say you used to be
in the shoe business. Whao do you
think of these?”
Customer (looking at the sample)
—“I can’t say. You see, they only
made shoes out of leather in my
time.—[Boot and Shoe Recorder.
HONORED AND SLIGHTED.
She wore his flowers, did the maiden
g»y.
That had cost him dollars ten;
She wore his flowers, hut, nlackuday.
She danced with other men.—[Now
York Press.
INTENTIONS.
“Dora,” said her mother to tho
summer girl, “isn’t that young Mr.
Smithers getting very pronounced in
his attentions!”
“Oh, that’s all right, mamma,”
said Dora. “He doesn’t mean any
thing. We’re engaged.”—[Chicago
Record.
BOTH IN THE CAT FAMILY.
“What kind of vessel is (hat?”
asked the young Indy, pointing to a
passing craft.
“That is a catboat,” replied tho
person interrogated.
“How funny 1” exclaimed the art
less maiden. “And I suppose,” she
added, “the little one behind it is a
kitten boat."
HE BECAME UNEASY.
Prof. Stone—To tho geologist a
thousand years or so are not counted
as anything at all.
Man in the Audience—Groat Scott!
And to think that I made a tempo
rary loan of $10 to n man who holds
such views!—[Indianapolis Journal.
A HABIT.
Maude—You’d better be on the
lookout for a proposal from Charley
Doodley.
Ellen—Why? Has he expressed
his affection for me?
Maude—No, but he proposed to me
last night and I refused him.—[Chi
cago Record.
THE FATE HE ESCAPED.
Henpeck (looking up from his
newspaper, to his wife)—Hero’s a
man who escaped a pitiful fate.
(Reading) “While on his way to Gec-
ville last evening, Hiram Green’s
horse ran away, throwing Green from
the wagon and breaking his s-'k ”
Mrs. Henpeck—And you call that
escaping a pitiful fate?
Henpeck—Yes. (Reading) "Green
was on his way to Gecville to be mar
ried.—[Browning’s Monthly.
THEY HAD MET.
Judge (sternly)—Your face is very
familiar. Have you been in this
court before?
Prisoner—No, sir; but I’m a bar
tender at the Farandon Hotel.—[Life
HIS EXACT WORDS.
Jess—What did papa say when you
asked him?
Jack—Not much.
Jess—But what was it?
Jack—Just that, “Not much.”
BRIGHT BOY.
“Johnny,” said a teacher in one of
the up-town public schools, “have
you seen the skeleton of the mam
moth in the Museum of Natural His
tory?"
“Yes, mum,’-
“To what kind of an animal does
it belong?”
“A dead one.”—[Texas flirtings.
WASN’T Ah STOUT AS BEFORE.
Meandering Moses—Are them Lie
same clothes you had on last week?
Itinefiint Ike—Yes.
M. M.—They don’t seem to fit you
as well as they did. They hang more
loose.
I. I.—I’ve had a bath since then.
—[New York Press.
A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING.
Teacher—What is the difference
between tv long ton and a short ton?
Observing Boy—Tlie weight of the
driver.—[Good News.
A RUSE THAT FAILED.
He—Do dreams go by contraries?
She—They do.
He—Always?
She—Always.
He—Then I dreamed last night
that I proposed to you and you said
“No.”
She—Then, to show you that
dreams go by contraries, if you were
to propose to me now I would not say
“No.”
He—You wouldn’t?
She—I wouldn’t I would say, “I’ll
be a sister to you.”
HIS HAPPY MOMENT.
New arrival (to Subdued Looking
Man in the hotel office)—You are the
cWk of this hotel, I suppose, sir?
Subdued Looking Man—Oh, you
flatter me, sir I I am only the pro
prietor 1
' NOT NOTICEABLE.
Miss Summit—I don’t think I ever
saw you looking so well.
Miss Palisade—Really?
Miss Summit—Yes, indeed. I was
remarking to your mother yesterday
that I didn’t think you had faded a
bit in the last ten years.—[New York
Herald.
NOT ALWAYS A DRAWBACK.
“Isn’t it a nuisance to have a
treacherous memory?”
“Not always. Some days ago my
wife told me not to forget to call tho
veterinary physician for her poodle
or it would die. I forgot.”—[Chicago
Record.
ABSENT-MINDED.
Miss Wouldbe—By the way, have
you seen Mr. Dropoff of late?
Arthur Duncan—About two days
ago.
Miss Wouldbe—Well,If you see him
again, would you kindly remind him
of the fact that we are engaged?—
[Ledger.
NOT LOADED.
“Kmpp’s is the biggest cannon
«>vcr made, isn’t it?”
“Yes, and the earth is the largest
revolver.”
AN ASTUTE SALESMAN.
“Got any cow bells?” asked a
Texas farmer, stepping into a hard
ware store in Dallas.
“Yes; step this way.”
“Those are too small. Haven’t
you any larger?” asked the farmer,
after he had inspected some small
cow bells.
“No sir all the largest one are
sold.”
Rusticus started off and got as far
ns the door, when the clerk called
after him:
“Look hero, stranger, take one of
these bells for your cow, and you
won’t have half the trouble in find
ing her, for when you hear her bell
you will always know she can’t be
far off. If you were to buy a big bell
that can be heard a long distance,
you would have to walk yourself to
death finding the cow.”
The farmer bought the bell.—
[Texas Siftings.
Punished Alter Thirty-Eight Years. \
Here is a story of the merciless se
verity of the Russian law, which has
gained currency in London. More
than thirty-eight years ago Ivan Ry-
koff, an eighteen-year-old boy, got
drunk, and, entering a church, stole
the wax candles from the altar and sold
them to continue his spree. He waa
arrested and condemned to the mines
ol Siberia for sacrilege. After a time
he managed to effect his escape, and
through many hardships and dangers
made his way to Tomsk, where was
befriended by a farmer, and, securing
the passport of a deceased laborer, he
married and prospered. His story he
carefully concealed until a few weeks
ago, deeming all danger past, he re
lated his experiences at a family re
union. It was but ten days afterward
when a police officer entered his bed
room early one morning, and arrested
him on the charge of being an escaped
Siberian convict. He was brought to
trial, anil in court made a full con
fession, thi owing himself on the mercy
of the court. It is an attribute that
that court does not seem to possess.
He was sentenced to be severely,
knouted and sent back to the mines
for a period twice as long as that to
which he was sentenced as a boy.—
Picayune. , *’
The title i\as a great deal to do with
the popularity of a book. An English
novel, in the early days of the century,
found no readers when announced as
the “Champion of Virtue,’’ but imme
diately became popular as the “Old
English Baron.”
Xiost year Egypt sent ffffTC tons or
cane sugar to France, and it would ap
pear as if Egyptian sugar would soon
become a factor to be reckoned with
in the markets of the world.
THE LABOR WORLD.
New York has 600 unions.
London police get *6 a week.
Ikon moulders now use a label.
France has female farm laborers.
Detroit, Mich., bos a Pastor's Union. -
Syracuse, N. Y., has a labor lyeeum.
Co-operative potteries are increasing.
Allegheny (Penn.) police have a union.
The French working day is eight hours
long.
Ireland’s linen industry employs 100,000
persons.
Chicago painters and decorators work
eight hours.'
8r. Louis, Mo., carpenters get thirty-live
cents an hour.
Housemaids in England receive on average
of seventy-five cents a week.
In a Mt. Carmel (Penn.) coal mine only
one native American is employed.
A pldmber in St. Petersburg, Russia, is
paid (12 a month, with board; abaker (9.60.
Thbee thousand iron smelters were thrown
out of work at Butte, Montana, because of
the strike.
Oerman Postofffco employes are not per
mitted to marry without the speolal permis
sion of the Qovernmeut. i
Six hundred custom tailors went on strike
In New York City, in opposition to an at
tempted reduction of ten per cent, in wages.
Delegates of the Bohemian miners have
decided in favor of a general strike in
August for shorter hours and higher wage£'
The tin plate scale was signed at Pitts
burg, Pena., at aoonferonee of manufacture
ers and workmen. Forty mills and 18,000
men were affected and a general resumption
took place.
The Society for the Promotion of Engi
neering Education, in which the railway en
gineers of the United States are largely In
terested, will hold its first meeting in Brook
lyn from August 20 to August 23. >
Considerable interest is being manifested
among seamen all over the world about a
proposed International union. The Ameri
can sailors number about 15,000. Altogether
it is reckoned that 78,000 men of all nations
follow the sea for a living. i
Fourteen young women of Indianapolis
(Ind.) lauudrles.by putting their small mean*
together and borrowing the reel of the mon
ey, established the Union co-operative laun
dry two years ago. They now own a plant
valued at (4000 clear of incumbrance. i
Eugene V. Debs, who ordered the big
antl-Pullmau strike, is under forty years ot
age, and was selling sugar in his father’a
store in Terre Haute, Ind., before he became
a railroad fireman. Dobs, os President ot
the American Railway Union, gets a (3000
salary.
FIFTY-THIRD CONQRESS.'
\
Good Tooth Dlot.
Oatmeal is excellent as nourish
ment for the teeth, because it makes
the enamel strong, Hint-like and de
cay-resisting. Bread made of whole
meal is best, and brown bread made
of rye meal and cornmeal are superior
to white bread for bone building.
Baked beans should be used at'least
twice a week.
The Senate.
152d Day.—Tho Senate a^jonmetl fur lack
of a quorum, without noting on tho Legtsln-
*iv<> Appropriation bill.
15b) Day.—Tho Legislative, Executive
nn I Jiuliciai and District or Columbia Ap
propriation bills wore passed.
154ru Day.—Tho Agricultural Appropria
tion bill was passed, with an amendment
ordering tho expenditure of $1,000,000 to ex-
ternvnatothe Russian thistle. Mr. Peflfor
introluced a petition fisking Congress to
order Attorney-General Olney to enforce tho
BhiTAinn law against the Eastern Railroad
Association.
155th Day.—Tho day was occupied with
the consideration of tho Indian Appropria
tion bill.
15Cth Day.—The Indian Appropriation bill
was passed. The report of tho tariff con
ference was presented an l referred.
157th Day.—President Cleveland’s letter to
Chairman Wilson was the subject of a sharp
debate, in which Messrs. Hill, Smith, Vest
and others took part. Mr. Hill said that in
view of the President’s letter, that body had
no alternative but to recede from its Tariff
bill amendments. Mr. Vilas moved to strike
out tho one-eighth of a cent differential oa
refined sugar.
| Tho House.
174th Day.—Tlio House spent tho day
considering tho Revenue Cutter Service bill
without acting upon it.
175th Day.—The House discussed tho
Bailey Bankruptcy bill. The House adopt
ed a strong resolution approving the Presi
dent’s course In the strike. It was passed
without division, ♦he minority not being
strong enough to get the yeas and nays.
176th Day.—Tho House, after passing *ho
Bailey Bankruptcy bill by n vote of 12 7 to
81, devoted the rest of tho day to the con
sideration of bills reported by the Committee
on Judiciary.
177th Day.—Routine business only was
transacted.
178th Day.—Chairman Wilson, in report
ing the disagreement of tho Tariff Confer
ence Committee, read a letter from tho
President, urging the House not to adopt tho
Senate amendments , Mr. Rood also spoke.
The House then voted to disagree, and tho
old conferees were reappointed.
179th Day. —Tho Tucker resolution for
election of Senators by the popular votQ
was discussed.