Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

L/ij* MATTERS IN AND AROUND PROS PEROUS DARLINGTON. A Column of New*, Ter»ely Told, of Interest to Our Many Readers. The public schools closed on Tuesday. Mr. H. H. Brand, of Sumter, was in town this week. Her. S. E. Bishop will preach at the Presbyterian Church on Sunday. The first Monday in July will be the last day on which voters can register. Mr. J. Fraser James has re turned from Rock Hill to spend the vacation. Sale day was very quiet and uninteresting, even for this sea son of the year. Mr. Baruch Marco, of New York, is on a visit to his rela tives in Darlington. Col. Knox Livingston, gener al counsel for the C. 8. & N. road, was in town on business last week. Mr. Robt. E Coker has return ed from the University of North Carolina, at Chapel Hill, for the vacation. A special collection for Wof ford College was taken up at the Methodist church on Sunday. About $15 was realized. Hev. J.E.Carlisle will be absent on Sunday, he having gone to Spartanburg to attend the Wof ford College Commeacemaat. Mr. W. D. Evans, State Presi dent of the Farmer’s Alliance, was on a visit to some of his Darlington friends last week. All of the Chesterfield prison ers who have been confined in the jail here for some time were removed to the new jail at Ches terfield recently. The publication of “The Yel low Aster,” one of the much- talked of novels of the day, will be begun in the next week’s is sue of Thk News. Bishop Capers preached to a large cougregation at the Epis copal Church on Sunday night. Three candidates were confirm ed, all ladies. Darlington and Society Hill will “cross hats” at the base ball park to-day (Thursday,) and Darlington and Florence to-morrow (Friday). Mr. and Mrs. Braxton L. King, of Clinton, Laurens coun ty, who were married there on May 23, have been on a visit to relatives of the groom in this county. The ice-cream sold at the Ar mory on Friday night, an unus ually fine quality of the articie, came from the establishment of Messrs. F. Heins & S)n, of Charleston. Mr. E. M. Rogers, of the La mar neighborhood, and Mrs. Laura Sing, of High Hill, were married nt the Lamar parsonage last Sqpday evening, Rev. C. D. Mann officiating. In accordance with a previous announcement, the Rev. S. E. Bishop conducted services at the Presbeterian Church last Sunday morning. He will preach there next Sunday also. At the base-hall game on Fri day afternoon, handsome score cards were furnished all the la dies present with the compli ments of the job department of The Darlington News. Miss Ormond left yesterday for a two months’ vacation, to be spent at her home at Fort Mill, S. C. Mr. Dargan Bristow will have charge of the tele graph office in T er absence. Col. Robert Aldrich of Barn well and H. H. Brunson, Esq., of Orangeourg, counsel for Me London and Cain, the two con stables charge 1 with murder, spent several days in town this week. Mrs. John Stout and Mr. J. L Coker ,J r., left Saturday morning for Dalas, Texas, a telegram re ceived from there on Friday stating that the Rev. Jno. Stout was no worse, but that he was not doing at all well. Mr. 8. E. Moore, who resides about three miles from Harts- ville, found a piece of jewelry on his premises on the 21st inst. which the owner can recover by proving his right to it and paying for this advertisement. W. H. Newbold, the State detective who stirred up a sen sation in Columbia last week, an account of which is publish ed in another column, spent some time Darlington before going to Columbia, and has turned up here again this week. It will be remembered that in the April number of the North American Review, Governor Tillman gave to the world his version of the recent troublajn Darlington. In the June num ber of the same periodical, May or Dargan will reply to Gover nor Tillman’s article. A large par’y of Darlington- ians returned the latter part of last week from an extended fishing trip down Little Pee Dee. The two-year-old daughter of Mr. Irving Reynolds, of Lamar, died on me 1st inst. and was buried at Salem on Saturday morning Mr. and Nrs. Frank Pegues gave a reception at their resi dence last evening complimen tary to two young ladies from Charleston who have been their guests for several weeks past. The pupils of the Mayo school gave an entertainment at Mace donia Baptist Chuch on Monday night for the benefit of their school library. An extensive S ram me was gone through successfully and to the great credit of the principal of the school. Under the head of the news in real estate circles, the New York Timex of June 1 has the following item: Waddy Thomp son, son of ex-Gov. Thompson of South Carolina, Comptroller of the New York Life Inurance Company will take charge of the auction and loan department of Mr. John N. Golding’s office. The following were the official sales made by the clerk on Mon day: G. N. Hart et. al., vs G. H. Mimms et. al., 103 acres in Lisbon township to M.M. Cox fot $055; and a half-acre lot in town of Lamar to G. W. Atkin son for $9. A. Weinberg vs. Anna Dampier, 100 acies in Hartsville Township to M.S.Ise- man for $435. The Secretary of State recent ly issued a commission to J 0. A. Moore of Darlington, G. W. Stitt of Lamar, J. W. Davis of Hartsville. J. N. Parrott of Darlington, W. A. Dowling of Philadelphia, S. C., W. J. Du- Bose of Cypress and W. H. Lawrence of Darlington, as cor porators of the Darlington Pub lishing Comnany. The compa ny proposes to do a general pub lishing business. The capital is$l,000,divided into 200 shares An Open Letter. To the Public: We wish to call your attention to our pea and oat fertilizer. There is no crop planted that fertilizer will E ay better ou than peas. We ave given this matter consid erable study, and have made a special fertilizer for peas and oats. This fertilizer is made of meal, dissolved bone and kainit; guaranteed to contain one per cent of ammonia, seven of phos phoric acid and three of potash. Yours truly, Darlington Phosphate Co., Per C. S. McCullough, President and Treasurer. Of Intsrest To Travellers. The new schedule which went into effect on the Atlantic Coast Line on Monday, and which is likely to continue of force until next October, is very similar to the one we had last summer. The passenger trains have been taken off, and nothing but freight trains are to oe run, but we are at least fortunate in hav ing three of them each way dai ly between here and Florence. There have been a number for important changes made in the schedule, and prospective trav elers are warned of the necesity for scanning it carefully, as it appears in full in mother col umn, before setting out on their journeys. Death of Mrs. L. M. Coker. Mrs. Sallie Coker, nee Griffin, relict of Mr. L. M. Coker, of So ciety Hill, died at the residence of Dr. P. E. Griffin, in Darling ton, early last Friday morning. The remains were interred at Society Hill, ou the following day. Mrs. Coker had been in feeble health for more than a year, and had been declining rapidly for some weeks past,yet the end itself came somewhat unexpectedly. She was a sister of Dr. Griffin, and of Mr. E. M. Griffin of Leavensworth. Mrs. Coker was a woman of singular sweeness of character, ana her departure from this world cre ates for all who knew her a void which even time itself will never wholly fill. Retribution Overtakes Will Thomas. Cuffy McLeod, alias Will Thomas, an account of whose tragic end at Lamar, is pub lished in another column, was the ring-leader of the gang who burnt so many houses at Lamar some time ago, as being acces sories to which, four colored men, John Dukes, John Wil liams, Hardy Morris and Harri son Gordon were convicted and sentenced to ten year’s in the Penitentiary, though their counsel, on appeal, succeeded in obtaining for them a new trial, which is row pending. McLeod had on his person some twenty- five old marks and signs of shot and bullets. He had a rabbit foot in his pocket, which seems to have stood him in good stead for a long time, but which was destined to fail him at last. Insure your tobacco barns with B. O. Bristow. A Burning Question. Mr. J. D. Baird, senior mem ber of the firm of Baird & Smoot, the celebrated furniture dealers, was travelling on the train a few days ago when he met an acquaintance, a resident of a neighboring town that is some what larger than Darlington, who said to him: “1 do not see how in the world you can sell for $5 those two handsome rocking-chairs you are adver tising in The Darlington News. I priced precisely the same chairs a few days ago at the establishment of the leading furniture man of our town, and found that the two would cost me exactly $8 ! Pray, how do you manage to sell them as low as you do?” And he is not the only one, by a good deal, who has asked that question recently. The "Great American" Game. The two games of ball be tween Sumter and Darlington last week seemed to excite con siderable interest in the large audiences that attended them both, though it cannot be said t*iat the playing was anything much on either side. Both need considerable practice, par ticularly in the matter of throwing, a fine art in which they are wofully deficient, and con stantly remind one of the way a woman throws a brick-bat at a hen. The score on Thursday was 10 to 9 in favor of Sumter, but Darlington retrieved itseL on the following day, winning the game by a score of 11 to 9. About the only striking feature of either game was the parti cularly fine playing of Mr. Dar gan Bristow in right field, which won deserved plaudits from the grand stand. ProMbition in Darlington County. The County Prohibition Con vention called for the 4th inst. was slimly attended, greatly to the regret of the promoters of the movement, and there was little enthusiasm. The meeting was called to order at 12.30 o’clock. Rev. G. T. Gresham, County Chairman, presided. The following were elected del egates to the State Convention at Columbia: J. L. Coker, G. T. Gresham, T. J.Drew, J. E. Mill er, C. D. Mann, J. P. Mozingo, Sr., R. M. Josey and W. A. Dowling; alternates, J. W. Perry, and L. A. Moore. A special committee was appoint ed to carry out the suggestions of the State Executive Commit tee as to the plan of campaign and to see to it that the present “accidental” prohibition laws under which we are living are properly enforced. That com mittee is composed of the fol lowing: A. A. Gandy, John Ed wards, H. A. Dowling, E. L. Gray, J. W. DuBose, L. A. Moore, R. M. Josey. W. A. Dowling, C. J. Woodruff, J. W. Coker, P. P. Chambers, T. H. Coker, S. B. Gandy and R. N Howie. No speeches were made, no resolutions were offered, and everything passed off tamely. At the Guards' Armory. The entertainment given by the ladies of the Horticultural Society at the Armory on the 1st was a brilliant affair and a most successful one in every respect, a nice sum having been realized to go towards defray ing the expenses of Darlington Guards to the National en campment at Spartanburg in July. The music rendered was fine, and the audience large and appreciative. The several solos and instrumental pieces were loudly encored, and the singing of the male quartette was great ly appreciated. Some of the most charming numbers on the programme were the duets for piano and violin, rendered by Mr. Theo Kuker, of Florence, and his accomplished daughter, Mrs. King. Refreshments were served at the conclusion of the concert, and the entire enter tainment was voted a decided success by a!l who attended it. The ladies who worked so faith fully to this end are to be con gratulated on the result of their efforts, and the Darlington Guards are certainly under many obligations to them. The programme of the concert was as follows: Instrumental duet, “II. Trovatore”, Mrs. Pe gues and Miss Lucas; male quartette, “The Voyager”, Mes srs. Evans, Powell, Wood and Pegues; duet, piano and violin, Mrs. King and Mr. Kuker; tenor solo, “Garden of Sleep”, Mr. R. E. James; bass solo. “Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep”, Mr. W. W. Wood; instrumental duet, “Boccaccio”, Misses Lu cas and Ward; tenor solo, “Go Softly, Go Slowly”, Mr. C. D. Evans; duet, piano and violin, Mrs. King and Mr. Kuker; com ic song, “Ain’t I Sweet”, Mr. J. W. James; male quartette, “Carry Me Back to Old Vir- giny”, Messrs Evans, Powell, Wood and Pegues. All kinds of ^vork, the very best, as well as the very cheap est, is executed at the job de- S artment of The Darlington Iews, but what we pride our selves on particularly is the higher quality of work, such as fine ball and wedding invita tions. Commtncsmtnt Exercisss at Leavens worth. The closing exercises of Miss Edwards’ school at Leavens worth were celebrated on Fri day, the 1st, with a picnic and { mblic exhibition, which were argely attended, and greatly enjoyed by all present. After the opening prayer, followed by music from the band, the follow ing recitations were rendered: Salutatory, Master Hallie Powe; “Do Your Best”, Master Edwin Powe; “T h e Darling Little Girl”, Miss Vara Satterwhite; “Work While You Work”, Miss Mattie Kirven; “Contentment”, Miss Eula Boswell; “A Little Girl’s Speech”, Miss Henrietta Malloy; “Failed”, Miss Lillie Melton; “Truth in Parenthesis”, Miss Hattie Gandy; “Carving a Name”, Master Leslie Powe; “The Grumbles and the Smiles”, Miss Rosa Melton; “Elihu, or the Gray Swan”, Miss Mary Satterwhite; “Small service is Awe Service”, Miss Effie Boze- man; “A Dinner and a Kiss Miss Annie Melton; “An Indig nant Scholar”, Master Brodie Powe; “Somebody”, Miss Vinie Boswell; “Cassabianca”, Mas ter Jeter Coker; “Piano Music”, Miss Lizzie Satterwhite; “The Burial of Sir John Moore”, Miss Hattie Gandy; “The Reason Master Marion Gandy; “Music in Camp”, Miss Claudia Wilson; Valedictory, Master Leslie Powe. The recitations were inter spersed with delightful music, both vocal and instrumental. The song “The Danube River” was finely rendered by Misses Annie Melton, Hannah Malloy, Lizzie Satterwhite, Effie Boze man, and Masters Powe, Wil son, Edwards, Brodie, and Gandy. Misses Hannah Malloy, Lizzie Satterwhite, Mattie Ker- vin, Henrietta Malloy, Eula Boswell and Vara Satterwhite contributed to the success of “The Rosebud Ring”. The manner in which the children acquitted themselves was a credit to their accomplished teacher, to their community, and to the County of Darling ton. President J A. Rice. [Columbia Register.] The selection of Rev. J. A. Rice as president of the Colum bia Female College is a high compliment to that distinguish ed young divine, who is emi nently fitted for the duties of the position. A sketch of the life of this young minister is published elsewhere in the Reg ister. He has lived in Colum bia for a number of years, as a student at college and as pastor of Washington Street Methodist Church, and is well known to the citizens of Columbia by whom he is much liked and admired. We are confident that his man agement of the college will be successful. A Tornado in Marlboro. [The News and Courier.] Bennettsville, May 31.—Spec ial: This section was visited by a very destructive storm yester day afternoon. On Capt. P. L. Breeden’s farm the gin-house, engine-house and two tenant houses were blown down, while hir barn was moved four inches. Two tenant houses on Mr. James McDaniel’s farm and the gin house on Mr. Barney Wallace’s farm were also blown down. Mr. W. P. Lester’s gin house and Messrs. T. H. Bethea’s and R. J. Tatum’s barns were blown down. Messrs J. F. Bolton’s and C. T. Easterling’s crops were ruined by the hail. A tel egram from McColl states that the house of Mr. J. W. Stone, who lives near that town, was literally torn to pieces, killing his wife and three children. All orders left at The Dar- ungton News job office execu ted with neatness and dis patch. Arming The New Militia. [The News and Courier.] Governor Tillman, in a letter to-day to Capt. Willeford, of the new company at Lamar, wrote him that for the present the State had no more uniforms which it could distribute, and that he would suggest that the company purchase some cheap material out of which to make a blouse, which shall make a C art of a uniform which will aue to be used for the present. The State for the present will have to content itself with sup plying all the new companies with arms and amunition, and as soon as possible a new sup ply of rifies will be purchased. He went on to say in the letter that it was his intention to rec ommend to the Legislature that the next appropriation by the Legislature be used for the pur chase of arms and equipments instead of for distribution among the members of the dif ferent companies. This letter may be taken as a cue by the different new companies throughout the State. “Three cheers for two chairs!”, is the unanimous ver dict of all who have invested in the handsome rockers which Baird & Smoot are selling at 2 for 5. Cuffy M'Leod Killed. [R. L. DuBose in Columbia Register.] Lamar, 8. C., May 31.—Spec ial: This morning at 5 o’clock Cuffy McLeod, alias Will Thom as, alias, Will McLeod, alias John McLeod was captured at this place. At 2.45 this morn ing a light was discovered in the store house of G. W. Mims by S. C. and B. F. Starr, who had been up late to meet a train. They went to the store and saw therein a negro and reported the same to three other young men, vis , E. B. Turner, J. W. Smith and A. B. Jordan, all of whom proceeded to the store. They found the back door open and a hole picked in the brick wall through which the robber went. They rushed in on him through the back door and ordered him to throw up his hands and surren der, whereupon he made a dem onstration and started towards the party. Then E. B. Turner opened fire on him, the negro still advancing. Turner snot again, and finding his cartridg es exhausted, he went out the back door followed by the negro. J. W. Smith, who was outside the door, fired one shot and the negro ran off to a patch of woods with his bundle he had packed in the store, worth some $50, persued by the above named parties, who gave the alarm to the citizens of Lamar who turn ed out in full force and sur round the woods and kept watch until day. Then they scoured the woods and succeeded in finding the culprit in a ditch badly wounded. He surrender ed as soon as commanded to do so by G. W. Stitt, who was the first to get to him, saying “Gen tlemen, I surrender like a man.” A big crowd which was hard by Stitt rushed up to him and with difficulty the crowd was kept from killing McLeod on the spot. He was removed to the Charleston, Sumter and North ern depot platform. He made no confession only as to his name. The Sheriff was at once wired of his capture and the im minent danger of McLeod being lynched; whereupon the B. R. Tillman Guards of Lamar, were called upon to protect the pris oner and Captain Willeford at once placed a detachment in charge of the prisoner, who kept all trouble down untij Mc Leod died at 10.30 from the ef fect of the wound inflicted by a 32 calibre pistol. The Coroner’s jury brought in a verdict that the deceased came to his death by a gun shot wound in the hands of a party not known. [The State] Lamar, May, 31.—Will Thom as, alias John McLeod, was captured here this morning, af ter being shot in the abdomen From the effects of the wound he died here this morning at 10: 30 o’clock. He was discovered at 3:30 o’clock in the store of G W. Mimms by B. F. Starr and S. C. Starr, in the act of robbing the store. Immeadiately they notified three other men, J. W. Smith, O. B Jarden, E. B. Tur ner, and the five of them went to the store and demanded a surrender. Whereupon the ne gro dashed out by them, but not too soon to receive a bullet that went crashing into his body. He then ran some 200 yards into a patch of thick woods. The town was aroused and pickets strung out around the woods. A serch was then made and result ed in finding him in a ditch in woods. McLeod was a notori ous caracter and richly deserv ed all he got and more. He had sacked up about $50 worth of dry goodsout of the store, and this he carried with him as he ran. He also broke the knob off Mr. Mimms’ safe door, which renders it useless. This is the same negro that caused so much trouble in this section and Flor ence, and in several other places, His chief desire seemed to be to burn houses. He is also the same party that is said to have killed Mr. Grayden of Eastover. He was one of the worst crimi nals known in the annals of hist ory. He was covered with scars from gunshot fvounds, having participated in more than a dozen or two encounters. Even the negros are rejoiced -that he is out of the way. Threats were made of lynching him and the sheriff found it necessary to call on the Tillman Guards to pro tect the negro. Capt. Willeford stationed a detachment of the company to take care of the ne gro until he could get him to Darlington. Too much praise cannot be given the gentlemen who caught this man. Harriet Hosmer tells of an in cident. which occurred in her studio, where her statue of Apollo rested. An old lady was being shown around, a Mrs. Haggles, and she paused before this masterpiece for a long time. Finally she exclaimed: “So that’s Apoller, is it?” She was assured that it was. “Supposed to be the harnsomest man in the world, warn’t he?”* She was again assured of the correctness of her surmise. Then, turning away, she said, disgustedly: “Wal, I’ve seen Apoller and I’ve seen Haggles, an’ I say, give me Raggles!” THE COUNTY NEWS. FROM ALL SECTIONS AS TOLD BY OUR CORRESPONDENTS. UNA. Mr. W. F. Hicks has return ed from Oak Ridge, N. C. Miss Kate Lewis, of Timmqns- ville, i s spending some time with friends and relatives at this place. Mr. P. P. Bethea, teacher of the high school at Hebron, on Sunday last, delivered an ad dress to the young men of the Sunday School of this place. Rev. W. O. Petty spent sev eral days with us recently. He will not go back to North Caro lina as was stated in our last communication, but will locate for the present at Hartsville. The oat crop is about harvest ed and pease are being put in. Corn is about as ordinary, and cotton is looking bad from the cool weather. Garden vogata- bles are coming in, but no fruit. After a brief illness, Mr. J. W. Gatlin died last Friday night and was buried on Saturday after noon following at Mt. Elon. The funeral services were con ducted by the pastor, Rev. G.T. Gresham, in the presence of a large concourse of friends and relatives. Mr. Gatlin was in the prime of manhood and was a very thorough going man. He leaves a wife and two daughters, besides other relatives, to mourn his loss. They have the sym pathy of the entire community. Just arrived, new lot of Heintz's Sweet Pickles, at Wal ter J. Parrott’s. PHILADELPHIA. Owing to unfavorable circum stances, this correspondent was unable to report some important items last week. Mr. S. W. Truett has moved back into his newly remodeled house. The work is unfinished as yet, but will be resumed soon. Died on the 25th ult., little Leon, son of Mr. and Mrs. J. C. Dowling, after an illness of only five days. He was their only child, and the object of much affection. His age was one year, one month, and three days. Married, on Wednesday even ing, May 23rd, at the home of the bride’s father, Mr. M. N. Gray, Mr. L. P. Raines and Miss Lula Gray, Rev. A. W. Parrott officiating.' The occa- siotv was celebrated with, and will be long remembered on ac count of, a sumptous supper, which had not the slightest in dication of hard times. It was indeed a time of rejoicing, with invited relatives and friends whose presence contributed much happiness. Honors Worthily Bestowed. (Columbia Register.) The new President of the Col umbia Female College, Rev. J. A. Rice, the able pastor of the Washington Street Church, Col- umbia, was last night unani- mously elected by the Board of .Trustees to succeed Rev. 8. B. Jones, D. D., who retires on ac count of failing health after a successful administration of six years. The incoming president, Mr. Rice, was born in Colletmi Coun ty, 8. C., September 2a, 1802. He was prepared for college by his uncle, H. G. Sheridan, one of the best educators in the State. After this academic training he taught school for a year. He then entered the Sophomore class of the South Carolina College in 1882. From this institution ho graduated with highest honors in the class of 1885—pronounced by the fa culty as one of the finest class es they ever taught. He was immediately elected Greek tutor in his alma mater. In this work of teaching he showed re markable gifts and unmistaka ble qualifications which indica ted him as a born teacher and merited the tribute from Presi dent McBryde that he gave the highest satisfaction to both the faculty and students. While engaged as tutor he was offered two scholarships in Harvard University, but business affairs forbade his acceptance. Ho took a post graduate course in the South Carolina College and received the degree of A. M., an 1 also a course in the Presby- tenan Theological Seminary. At the session or the South Car olina Conference of the Metho dist Episcopal Church, South, held at Orangeburg in Decem ber, 1886, he was admitted on trial. Since then he has been in the regular pastorate of that Church. During the past seven years he has served as preacher in charge of Darlington and Washington Street stations and won golden opinions in both places. Mr.Ricehashadin recent years very flattering offers in various directions, but his love for -the pastorate caused him to refuse them. He only goes to the high position to which now he is call ed because of his loyalty to the church and his great interest in the cause of Christian educa tion. The Methodists of South Carolina are to bi congratulated upon the wise choice of the Trustees of the Columbia Fe male College, which assures them the service of a Christian gentleman of highest character and ripest culture. Hard time prices on Domestic sewing machines; $45 the for mer price, $25 the present price, $20 saved on each machine. McCall & Burch. CLYDE. Mr. E. D. Mixon is so ill that his friends despair of his life. Mr. A. C. McKinnon had the misfortune to lose a fine mule on Friday. Rev. A. H. Be*t delivered an excellent sermon at New Market on Sunday last Rev. J. W. Perry, of Harts ville, preached at Pond Hollow on Saturday morning. Mr. G. E. Watkins has the finest cotton in our community, and Mr. J. P. Walters the finest corn. Mr. 8. E. Segars is ready with his thrashing-machine to take charge of any wheat or oats he may be called upon to handle. For sale at great bargains for cash—a lot of second-hand sew ing machines, many of them practically as good as new; ap ply at this office. NETTLES'S MILL Mr W. W. Heutiss has a field of very fine tobacco. Mr. H. J. Nettles cut his oats last week and got a very heavy yield. We would be glad to have a good rain, as our fields are get ting very dry. The people of this section have contributed to the needs of the sufferers in Beaufort county. Three of the very best papers of their kind in the country, the Weekly News and Courier and the Southern Cultivator, and The Darlington News will all be sent to any address for one year for $2.45. Read the opening chapters of “A Yellow Aster,” to appear in the next issue of The News. Have your envelopes and let ter heads printed at The Dar lington News office. Work, as regards both quality and price, guaranteed to be the same as prevails in Charleston. A Vocabularlc Duel. (Cinciun&tti Commercial ) A Kentucky lawyer was stand ing on the steps ot the Coving ton post-office the other day, when an old colored m in came up, and touching his hat, asked: “Kin you tell me, is dis de place where dey sells postage stamps?” “Yes sir: this the place,” re plied the lawyer, seeing a chance for a little quiet fun, “but what do you want with postage stamps, uncle?” To mail a letter, sah, of course.” Well, then, you need not both er about stamps; you don’t have to put any on this week.” “I don’t?” “No, sir.” “Why—for uu. “Well, you see, me conglom eration of the hypothenuse has differentiated the parallelogram so much that the consanguinity don’t emulate the ordinary ef fervescence, and so the govern ment has decided to send letters free.” The old man took off his hat, dubiously, shook ms head, and then, with a long breath, re marked: Well, boss, all dat may be so, and I don’t say hit ain’t; but jest sposen dat de ecksentricity ob de aggregation transubstan- shuates de ignominiousness of de puppindickeler and subli- mites de puspicuity of de conse quences—don’t you qualificate dat de government would con- fisticate dat dare letter? I guess I’d jest better put some stamps on anyhow, fer luck!” And the old man passed sol emnly down the street. A thief broke into a West End bouse early in the morning and found himself in the music- room. Hearing footsteps ap- proching, he took refuge behind a screen. From eight to nine the eldest daughter nad a sing ing lesson. From nine to ten o’clock the second daughter took a piano lesson. From ten to eleven o’clock the eldest son had a violin lesson. From elev en to twelve the other son had a lesson on the flute. At twelve-fifteen all the brothers and sisters assembled and stud ied an ear-splitting piece for voice, piano, violin, and flute. The thief staggered out from behind the screen at twelve for ty-five, and, falling at their feet, cried: “For mercy’s sake, have me arrested!”