Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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T HE DARLINGTON NEWS, „tI3U«I. «yi*ITHO«8D»T UOKNINO HENRY T. THOMPSON. propriktor. DARLINGTON NEWS. tER<S -$2 Per 1 “ a ■■ in Adranee. a..uiRre. insertion ...$1.00 0# * «au»re, second insertion M> 2:;,?.ub..v.> —« Contrsot sdrertisement. inserted upon the mo»i ressonsb’e terns. Msrrisge Notices end Obituaries, not feeding sin tines, inserted free. “FOR US PRINCIPLE IS PRINCIPLE—RIGHT IS RIGHT—YESTERDAY, TO-DAY. TO MORROW, FOREVER. VOL m NO 40. DARLINGTON, S. 0.. THURSDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1886. WHOLE NO 613. J(«PAIUm\T, Our job deparlBK nt is<>upplicd with ev« tf f&ciliijr nccosinry lo enable ns tocompna bothastoprice andqueliij of work. witte.. n those of thactliee, end we guarantee set’s, feolion in ever/ perticulai orclierg* umliii.g for our work. Wa ere elwujs prenai ctl Mi (ill orders et short neiics for lilankr, Lil Heeds, Letter Heeds. Cards, Hand Lille Post irs, Ciroetars, I'aniphlets, Ac. AH job work must be paid for Gash on Delivery- Pugilietlc fSnglish Peer* Th# late Marquis of Waterford, among numerous accomplishments, ex celled as a boxer, and of his aptitude in this art he was justly proud. He never picked his men; tie uSed to fight coalheavers, dustmen, hodmen, fellow ship porters, and others of that ilk, and then gave them a Bank of England plaister; and If he was ever caught napping and met a superior bruiser, great was his superior’s reward. But sometimes an insolent Jarvey obtained ah the thrashing and no reward, as the following anecdote will show. The marquis on one occasion hailed a cab rather early in the morning, and di rected tho cabman to drive him to St. James’s square, the residence of his uncle, the Archbishop of Armagh. When he arrived at his destination he handed the cabman half a sovereign, but cabby, in the most insolent manner, demanded more. “ All right,” said the marquis, and slipping into the house by means of a latchkey he quickly donned ids uncle’s episcopal robes, and returning to the door quietly asked what the cabman required. The jar vey, not recognizing the marquis, and thinking to frighten the clerical swell, gavg him some choice Billingsgate, whereupon his lordship In his new character knocked the cabby down. Amused at the idea of having to fight with a parson, cabby sprang up and went for his man in good style; but the sham prelate foiled every blow, and returned his deliveries with such vigor that at last the cabman, thoroughly beaten, and believing that he had the devil in lawn sleeves for an oppo nent, jumped up on his cab and was glad to “ hook it” The Prince of Chatelherault is a bruiser of the Waterford stamp. Over and over again in the old days of Hay- market roysteriug he has been known to throw off his coat in true pugilistic fashion, and many tales are told of his Grace’s excellence in the art With the exception, however, of one or two mem bers of the Upper House, we thought boxing an accomplishment loug forgot ten by the peerage, but the following anecdote will show otherwise. A few days ago a noble Earl, an apl pupil of a West-end pro lessor of boxing, had been dining rather freely at one of the clubs, and as he passed along the Strand in evening dress he came into collision with a sweep just emerging from Drury- court who, to steady himself, placed his sooty hands on his lordship’s irre- pktachubly white start front. To hit out at the sweep was the nobleman’s- lirst impulse, and landing ou chummy's nasal organ the carmine and black were soon mingling. Nothing daunted, the sweep pulled himself together, and tried all he knew to get on equal terms, but in a short time lie was so battered and bruised that his pals from the " Lane,’’ wiu» had now mustered strongly, came up, and it was a case of one down and the other come on. Stimulated, no doubt, by the bottle or two of port he had imbibed, his lordship knocked the pride of Drury-lane down one after the other like ninepins, calmly asking, like Fitzjames of Rhoderiek Dim’s band, for one and all to come on. We don’t know how it might have fared with my lord had not a policeman arrived on the scene and dispersed the threatening crowd; while his lordship, feeling that he had earned a drink, sauntered into a tavern close at hand and partook of a modest quencher. Hamnn Side of Washington. Everett Hale, of Boston, lectured the other day at Chautauqua, on the “ Hu man Side of Washington.” The lec turer said he would try to enable the audience to appreciate the fact that Washington was a real man, and not a demigod. Washington was singularly human. The real Washington bought lottery tickets and had a habit of falling In love, and was greatly troubled be cause the young women would not fall in love with him. He was a bad speller; he traded horses, always to his own ad vantage, and he was the richest Ameri can of his day. Lord Fairfax brought up Washington to become a thorn in the flesh of George LIL The lecturer had no doubt that the hatchet story was true. Washington was a man of principle and honoq amf imthe <!me of the stamp act was ' recognized as the Virginia patriot Washington was as talkative among friends as Grant but as silent as he was In the ptesenee of reporters. He asked a blessing at the table; he had his mug of beer and his glass of wine, and was a healthy, cheer ful, active man, who enjoyed his life as if it were worth living. He had great passions, but held them in magnificent control. He had some faint idea of the America of to-day. Ceutiaf the Hairs ol the Head. An eminent German has undergone the enormous labor of counting the number of hairs in heads of four diff erent colors. In a blonde he found 140,- 000 hairs; in a brown, 1011,440; In a black, 108,902; and in a red one, 88,740. What the red and black heads wanted In numbera of hairs was made up, however, in the greater bulk of the haira individually, and in all proba bility the scalps were pretty equal In weight. It is to the fineness and mul tiplicity of hairs that blonde tresses owe the rich color and silk-like charac ter of their flow, a circumstance which artists have so loved to dwell upon. TWO BALLOON STORIES. A Man'i Hair Tnntori White fram Fright During a Hide Through the Clouds. In a talk with John Forepaugh re cently several interesting stories of ad ventures with hot-air balloons were indulged in. “ We used to inflate the balloons and •end them skyward at every stopping point of the Forepanth show,” he said, “and Irrmemhrt now on« incident in regard to these balloons winch occurred in 1874 at Oioster. Tie-re was a large crowd on the grounds, and a man wc called Big Smith was inside the bag while it was being Inflated. At last the balloon bolgeffont, nearly full, and Smith crawled from under. Twenty- five men were holding the balloon, and Smith, after he got outside the machine, saw a candy butcher named Mitchfll standing near him. Before any one could Count tiveSmith grabbed Mitchell, threw him in the basket and yelled ‘ Let go" The men drooped the ropes, the balloon shot aloft like a rocket, and the ten thousand people strained their eyes as they saw it grow •mailer and smaller, until it was out of sight. “ When the balloon was first skipping towards heaven Mitchell’s head conld be seen over ttib edge of the basket as he yelled ‘ Help, for (Ltd'sfuke!' When the big bag floated beyond the range of vision a dozen men started north wardr-the way the wind carried the balloon—in teanis. They drove eight or ten miles, and they found the balloon with the wretched Mitchell lying helplessly in the basket on the bank of a creek. MitelieU’s hair had actually turned white from fright in his hour’s ride in the clouds. “Several years after that, in another town, Big Smith was inside another balloon while it was being inflated. After it was full of hot air he orawled over the edge of tin* b-> sket aiiil another man got in for a trip through the ozone belt. Some one yelled ‘Let go!’ The ropes were loosened, but one rope, on the side on which Smith was getting out, took a turn round his leg, clutching him tightly, and as the baboon shot sky ward it took Snflth with it by the ankle. His terrified companion in the basket, who heard the cry of horror that swept over the crowd, could not help him, for if he changed his position the chances were that the ba- ket wou.d upset or that the rope would uncoiL After about ten minutes the balloon came down with Smith unconscious and his head full of blood. However, he re covered, and is yet in the show busi ness to tell the story for himself.” Takes Unaware*. J One of the tests of good nature as well as hnepitality is to take pepple un awares near meal time. In the old times when guests were fewer, and traveling more rare, the visitor was a god-seud, whose advent was welcomed and stay prolonged. Perhaps it is not to tie expected Unit hospitality should remain the satni under new social con ditions, nor indeed is it possible, for people as a rule, that is, well-bred people, rarely visit without being in vited; but there are occasions, when by accident or circumstance, without de liberate intention or malice afore thought, the necessity of extending an Invitation or accepting one is forced upon an individual, and he or the sits down to “pot-luck.” If the spirit of kindnees, chet-rfidnesa and williugnese presides at the board, it truly matter* very little what else there is on it, for “pot-luck” means any kind of luck, good, bad or iixMlb-rent, and only needs a welcome to be the best luck in the world, whether the dinner be off a rich joint or only “ picked up.” There are housekeepers who would gladly be hos pitable at such times, but they are not blessed with faculty, perhaps not with resources. They have “nothing in the house,” which means in the larder, and think their bill of fare must be supple mented by costly dishes to make it ac ceptable. City people, living within easy reach of stores and markets can sasily eke out a scanty dinner by the addition of a lobster salad or a box of sardines -viands usually relished by the most fastidious. If it is in the country, the time a hot day in August, and people drop,in unexpectedly to din ner, set them down to bread and milk, garden salad, bread and butter, and good, home made berry pie. They will say and think too, that they never had a better dinner in their lives; and it may be true, too, for a more wholesome diet they never relished. •eaator Beck’* Frog. “Senator Beck went Ashing the other day,"said one of his colleaguev'and he did the most stupid thing I ever heard of. He started out early iu the morn ing for the Upper Potoiaac. The favor ite bait af these high-bred fishermen is a frog. Frogs are procured a day in advance by boya in ilia vicinity where the fishing is to beJAone. Beck does not seem to care very much when he goes Ashing whether he catches any- i thing or not if he has a number of jolly companions with him. Soon after he arrived at his destination for Ashing he set his pole, ran out his Hue and threw his hook with a small live frag upon ft. The vigorous Statesman then took a pogiti t/i on the bank of the river | and talked to bis companions, smoked, and discussed future legislation. A 1 pnmber’df times he observed his line ;■ *nn. he’acoining now." The Better Fnrt ol Valor. “There, I think that will fix him,” said the F.ditor of a Dakota paper to the foreman. “Here is what 1 say: •The miserable, cowardly, sneaking wlwlp who makes a sickening and dis gusting ^ffint to edit the daub known to the half doun or so who are aware It is published here as The Corktown Morgue, printed Hunt'icr butch of base and silly lies about us last Wrek. Tie take this occasion to give the above mentioned howling idiot notice that we shall sfioot him on sight. TYe havo stood all of it we propose to. TVe shall go armed and the lunk-hftaded, over grown calf had butler keep out of our sight if be value* his miserable worth less 111*.’ ’’ “Hold on,” said the foreman,looking Items of Interest, A duty of four pounds was laid in 1703 upon every negro imported into the colony of Massachusetts. The art of sculpture in wood seems to have been-native among the early Greeks, and carved idols soon took the pbtee of stones and trunks of trees, which were at Urst worshipped as divine symbols. Now we are told that graham bread has h{id its day. “it is a mtetako to tupposu that tho bran itself is oi any value as nourishment. The fibres of wood which coiiipo w it are of uo more use than chips or sliavpigs," biggest raiuiou that England Tin has or 1ms ever had has arrived At outthe window.“better get out your Woolwich from sir William Am strong's factor.,. The new weapon is Costly Stupidity. Two or three years ago I was night clerk at tlie Hotel Nantasket, at Nan- tasket Beach. One night John L. Sul livan, with Fete McCoy and a few of his other sporting friends, rame in and wanted something to drink. It was after 12 o’clock and the bar was closed, but the head barkeeper hanperr'd to bo near the desk, and knowing Sullivan he opened the doors anil the party went in. They sat at a table for some time and drank a couple of bottles of wine. They had evidently hid .some before coming to the hotel, and they felt the effecU of it pretty strongly. As they sat there a dispute arose about sonio point or other which l djd not under stand, and Sullnan Anally wanted to bet a hundred duilnrs liutt he was right. "Oh, come yff,” said McCoy, “you haven’t got a huuflnvT dollars.” “ IT’aint I?” retorted Sullivan in a loud voice, as he*rose from the table. “I’ll show you I’ve got money. See here!” and quick as a wink he drew a maffnificent gold watch from his e»*st pocket, re leased it from the guard and threw it with ids whole strength against the partition which separated the wine- roosa from thekotri UAby. It sounded like a bullet,from a gun as it struck the woodwork. Of course, the watch was ruined. That was a sample of the reckless and foolish displays which he frequently made in those days. But it is not only the •‘plug-uglies’’ and “ thugs ” who do such things. I have seen exhibitions equally nonsensi cal on the part of some of tire highest toned bloods of the Hub. I happened in a rich hotel bar in Boston one night when a youth wlto occupies a place in the ‘ best society ” came in and ordered wine for hinrself and friends. They sat at a table imMnmL oi tlie bar, anti after tbs bottle had boon emptied, tii<» young man deliberately picked it up and sent it crashing through a magnificent French mirror which -filled the whole wall back of the bar. Then he drew bis check-book from his pock * 1 , signed a blank, and liefore the proprietor had time to show anger, asked him how much he should All it out for. The break cost him 81,500. Danger of the Great Paris Tower. The iron tower which is to form the chief attraction of tlu* Faris exhibition of I sab is already beginning to All the Parisian mind with apprehension, and a savant explains the curious phenom ena which will be produced by this im mense mass of iron rising to a height of 300 meters. He says that the enor mous blocks of iron running north and south will become polarized, and that this polarization will soon iuvade the whole column. Then who knows whether the four lifts with their con tinual friction will not increase the magnetic influence a hundred fold? In this case all articles for a mile around will be attracted to the tower, and will adhere to it as a needle does to a mag net If tlie troops quartered in the Ecole Miltaire, hard by, be called out to drill, it will be all in vain for the commanding otAcar to shout “ En avantr if they are paraded with the column behind them; they will irresist ibly be drawn to the rear, with the ex ception of the drummer, who does not carry a rifle. All the houses in Faris will suffer from St. Vitus’ dance, and, gradually attracted toward the Champ Mars, will Anally And themselves stuck to the tower. As for locomotives en tering Faris, it will be found impossi ble to stop them at the various termini; they will rush through Paris and dash themselves to pieces against tlie centre of attraction. These and other evils, we are told, will follow the erection of the great Eiffel tower. to pull taut and his pole to sway a little, but never was there that hum and that swish of the line whloH'indicate tlie presence of a bass. BecVf eort!pan ions told him that it was the frog pulling at the Ijne, but tie never pulled it up until the time had arrived for him to return to Washington. “ It will be a cold day when I go fish ing again ” said the Senator, as he began to reel in his line. “ I have not had % bite to-day, and it is 'the best point on the river for bass. The morn ing, too, is very favorable. Do yon know why I haven’t caught a flsh?" inquired Senator Beck. “ It is because that confounded little green frog has been sitting on that stone out there looking at me all the time. I haven’t said a word, but I have seen that frog’s eye ou me constantly, and it is at that frog that I have thrown so many stones and made so many gestures and bel lowed so loudly at The Senator con tinued to pull in his line. His compan- ious watched him intently. Finally he was heard to exclaim, “ Well, I’ll be —1" The line whipped up to the stone and the frog was pulled off it It was then discovered that the frog had climbed out on the stone immediately after it was thrown Into the rivet, and had sat there with tlie hook in its mouth. . .. — EaflDh Factory Girls. English factory girls are robust as young athletes. An R. A. once de clared that he never found such splen did physical development as among the factory girls in the slums of Stepney. They work hard all day, and spend all their leisure in open air. They gat along with very little sleep, six hours being rather longer than usual Inde pendent, wilful, towless. If you Ilk* they are very well awe to take care of themselves, although It Is to be feared that, tested by sny conventional stand* ard of propriety or morality, they would ‘hardly pass muster. Science Teaching la EnglUh Schools. Judging by the scientifle agitation which has shaken England for so many years, one would hardly credit the statement made by Sir John Lubbock in his address at the unveiling of the statue of the founder of the Masonic Science college, that, in fifty-four of 240 endowed schools for boys which have reported, no science whatever is taught; in fifty, one hour is de voted to it per week; in seventy-six, less than three hours; while only fifty- six devoted as many as six hours to it. According to the report of the technical commission last year, there were only three schools in Great Britain in which science is fully and adequately taught In urging the benefits of science. Sir John Lubbock says: “In the first place, science adds immensely to the interest and happiness of life. It is altogether a mistake to regard sciertce as dry or prosaic. The technical works, descrip tions of species, etc., bear the same re lations to science as dictionaries to lit erature. • • * Occasionally, indeed, it may destroy some poetical myth of antiquity, such as the ancient Hindoo explanation of rivers, that * Indra dug out their beds with his thunderbolts, and sent them forth by long continuous paths.’ But the real causes of natural phenomena are far more striking, and contain more real poetry, than those which have occurred to the untrained imagination of mankind. “ One of the great problems of the South,” says the New-Orleans Timee- Democrat, “ is education. It is the im mense amount of illiteracy in this sec tion that has held it back in material progress. With 8 large proportion of its population unable to read or write, the heritage of war and devastation, it to Riffleuit for the South to advance in prosperity, te improve its agricul ture, or become great in manufac- . j A, .«*»*.» v ~ Smuggling Swiss Watche*. A great increase of smuggling, to the profit of the Swiss watch manufac turers, has resulted from Prince Bis marck's increase of the duty on foreign watches. The stringent examination of travelers has not yet availed to check the smuggling. A watch is so small an article that it is easily con cealed, especially by women. Their voluminous draperies, under the pres ent fashion, lend themselves readily to contraband enterprises, and tho Ger mans have not yet adopted tlie French custom of employing female custom officers, who are less gallant and more severe than male officers in the exam ination of a traveling sister. The old proverb,‘Opportunity makes the thief,” is richly illustrated in the daily annals of protective duties. Recendy a gen tleman named Blum, an inhabitant of Colmar, in Elsass, was seized by the German police of St. Ludwig, on the Swiss-Alsatian frontier, on the sus picion of being a smuggler of Swisi watches into the German empire. The suspicion was justified in a delightful manner, for wlten Herr Blum was stripped, in spite of his protests of his immaculate character, lie was fouud to have uo fewer than 30U watches con cealed about itia artfully contrived garments and in one small hand bag. When the search was over. Hurt Blum was not merely converted out of a very fat into a lean man—with a rapidity which Banting or Dr. Succi never dreamed of—but he was compelled to pay a customs fin* of 2,7m) marks (£135) for his extensive collection of foreign watches. “Why, good morning. Major, come in,” said the Ujood-tbirsVy journalist, laying down the manuscript. “ I wa» reading over one of my editorials in which l call upon Goitgrosq to quii taritf tinkering and get down to the , crying needs of the country. It’s dis- gueting the way it neglects business, ian't it?" “ It is for a fact; I propose to refer to it myself this week. Weil, I can’t stop now.”. i . , - . “Oh. rhm’t be in a hurry; sorry we can’t do anything for you today. Weil, good morning. Major,” “GoodmorBing.” ’ » , Why Site Uan d Him Ucal Bad. “1 used to think tliat Gus Simpson was a real nice young man. hut I just hate him now," said one young lady to another. “Why, what has he done ?" “ II e’s treated me shamefully. That’e what.” “ In what way?” " Why, the other evening at the party I said to him,‘Let’s eat a pbilopene and if you say ‘yes’ or‘no’ to any of my questions I’ll owe you a box of candy, and If I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ you’ll give me a box.’" “Then what?” “After the party he took me home and all tlie way there he talked just aa sweet as could he about love in a cot tage and men should not live alone and all that. And when he got to the front gate he said. • Ptmhto, 1 have waited for this opportunity a long time, will you marry me *■ 1 whispered * yes* in a and- Here her sobs low voice and choked her. “ And what did hedothen?” inquired her listener, eagerly. a 110-ton gun. is forty-four fee* to length and ltP u ' lYlShMFT:: ^tameter, the actual weight u.'Iujf 217.793 pounds. An English e‘hhn*Hst has made an interesting discovery. Sir Samuel Baker notes as a curious fact that the negroes near tatun-elepUuuts or wild animals. Tlie daphants used by the CarthUginians ware tnused by Arabs and Garttnigiuinns, hut never by negroea, - ^ l t Numerous as hre bicycles en our streets, Wiey are fmWh more so every where in Vhighntd. 1 The streets of Londoft, and eY’eh the avenues and paths in Fiyde i’ark, swarm with them. It is quite c mi’ivm to see a little store on a bioyclc'or tricycle. The man sits behind, and propels his store with his feet John Spaulding of Louisville, Ky., owns a big mastiff bitch. Not long since site cn.uvuvd and killed a cat, the mother of three kittens, and ihen, as if conscious of liaviug done an evil deed, gathered the jittlu orphans to her side and has since tenderly cared for them and fed them with tlie faithfulness of a mother. California claims a little Venice of her own. Lake Elsinore-a body of water seven miles long, three wide and eighty feet deep-is between Los An geles and Sau Diego. A city is growing up all around it, and steamboats make regular trips along tho ahere, and people can go from street to street by water in a charmingly Venetian manner. A New York oyster dealer figures up that in the season thirty thousand i bushels of the ijp!felon* bivalve are eaten by New Yorkers daily, and as I each bushel aveiaffcS two hundred — Sunbeams— 1 Always aim a little higher than the mark,” says an exchange. What! Kiw a girl on the nose? Never! Poe never sat on the halcony of a seaside hotel in August, or he woukt have written it “The chiu-ohm-abuto- tion of the belles." Mr. ITcsnay—" Waiter, here is a but- • ton in the soup* Waiter—“ Ah, yea— i the cook’s Well, you can have It i He’ll never miss it," I China and Japan buy q^r dried apples freely. Thus does American ta- I dustry help to swell the population of ; theOrieut. “ Oh. what bird is that ? I have Just Joined the Audubon society, apd am as interested to bird calls,”• "ThaVa our goat,” - 1 “Swoope.r,” asked XJggler, N who are these Kmgl'f* of Muirs we read about occasionally?” "Mud he some orgaui- zatiou yi biefveis,” n pie d 8\vooper. Creditor—“Gan you h t me haVe my little bill?” Debtor- •'TVrtalnlV, but d<m't destroy it, i nvi> want to pay itlu tl)‘' 1 something <^11 it iu the lutuje. Somebody “What is warmer than a w^flanV love?'' Two women’s love. Got two women after you ami the heat will be found somewhat op. pressivo. We don’t wish to be understood as finding lault with natutp, but we do wish, Loin the bottom >>T ouf hearts, tlnri thrlnmlniew end of (h* firefly baa been lutched Ui Ute uiosquitu, Bookbinder: “ \W)1 you have it bound coot’ Furthaser— in Turkey or Morocco. l ure! “Dh, Mercy! No.- What’z the •ending it away off there? bound in Iv im, m use of Haya J “ He—just hollered* pbilopene!’with all ids Blight. That’s what he did,” and she wept afresh and would not be comforted. A Bit of Advice. The “Woman’s Journal” gives this bit of information to its readers: There are many women who suppose that ou the death of the huSband they will be legally entitled to one-third of the property, and rest content. Or, if not content, they accept what they suppose will be their legal rights, only to find that when there is no will their “ third’ means only the use of one-third of the real estate. That is. if the real estate is worth three hundred dollars, the widow will have the use of one hun dred dollars, which, at five per cent, would give her five dollars a year, in stead of thaane hundred dollars to use aa she pleases. Within a short time we have beard of the surprise and dis appointment of several widows who had not asked their husbaods to pro- teet them by a will, because of this mistaken idea about their thirds. Just men should see to this matter, and by • will should save a wife from the double grief for the loee of a husband and of property. Independence and comfort. Some curious features of New Eng land life came to me during my trip. A woman where I stopped over night lamented her inability to procure female help. She told me that although there are 60,000 more women than men in Massachusetts yon can scarcely get one to do housework. They have been spoiled by factory work and dabbling in literature, as they call It. If they can’t get factory work, as a great many of them can’t get just now, iltey won’t do any work. In many towns you can't get a woman to do a day’s washing at . any price. Got Abend of the Commodore. An amusing story is told of tlie way in which Win. H. Vanderbilt over reached his father, tlie commodore. William wanted manure from tlie Fourth avenue ear-stables for bis Staten Island farm, and asked his father what he would charge for ten loads. “ Whatll you give?” asked the com modore. “ It’s worth 84 a load to me,” said the farmer. “Good enough, IU let you have it for that,” answered the railroad man, having a decided impression that the price was at lead twice as much as the stuff was worth. Next day he found his rustic son with a scow just loaded for home. “ liow many loads have you got on that scow. Billy,” asked the commodore in excellent humor. “How many?” repeated the son feigning surprise; “one, of course.” “One! why there’s at least thirty, r the old gentleman exclaimed, inspecting it curiously. “ No, father, I never put on but on* load on a scow—one scow-load! Cast off the lines, Fat!” lie Felt Hart. “See here!" said a farmer as he en tered a restaurant the other day. “J don’t like the way I have been used.” “What’s wrong?” asked the restau- ranter. “ Last March I bought a can of oys ters liere.” “ Ves, I remember.” “ W lieu I took it home my wife sag- oysters, it follows that si* mftnena are devoured. There being 2t4 days to the season, the airzie--' Be umiaumption is placed at 1,401,OXMXM oysters. An Interesting experbgmvfc was re- eently made to test the speed of thu swallow's flight. Tw<> hen birds were taken from their broods in Favia asd conveyed to Mil m, w.i- re they were released at a g:veu ni im it. Both of them mails their way back to their nests in thirteen minutes, which gives the speed as S7J* miles an hour. Persons who have a superstitious dread of Friday will be interested to learn that this Is a thoroughly Friday year. It came In on Fri Ity, and will have fifty-Ui re- F rid tvs. Four moot hs of the year have live Fridays each; changes of the moon occur five times on Friday, aud the longest and shortest I days are Fridays. Huber, the great authority on bees, was blind from Ms seventeenth year, and conducted the observations which gave him the fact* through the eyas of his wife. lie d'-chw* i that he should | !>e mlsernble were he to regain hUeyo- ' sight, adding: “1 sVintl not know to ! what extent a nermn in my situation 1 could be beloved; beside, my wUe is 1 always young, fresh aad pretty, which 1 to no light matter.” The lueifer match wag invented by John Walker, of Stocktnn-npon-Teea (England), in H29. Mr. Walker manu factured but lew of the.ie matches and those were for tluj use of the, people of his neighb a'i.ood. ^’roi.-ssor' Farday, learning of them, procured some aud brought them into public notice. Their useful properties were sooiu generally acknowledged, and their manufacture ruputly increased, till it becamp 4ot»- dWW 1X1 ?' Telegraph operator (reading message j —“What’s this?" Will marry you whenever yon wish.’” Aged Spinster —“ Yes; do you think it toff forward? It's my first offer and I’m afraid lie'll get away." Head of the House—“Jane, a man came in to-day and made me buy some 'Hough on Bats.’” Wlfc~“Meecy, John we haven’t a rat in the house.” Head of tlie House—“ Weil, can't we get some?” The best way to clean a chromo, Ethel is to lay it to soak in turpeutine over night, and Umu hang it before an open lire to dry. Hang it close, Ethel; hang it dose. Pash one corner under the grate u lew inches. Detective—“Sec here, yoa called me a lynx cvcd Hdc n. ve in your paper toe- day.” licpoiUT—” Yes. 1 did. Detec tive—” Well, i waqt you to take that back. I'm no more lynx-eyed than you are." j Husband (handing hto wife some moneyJ—“ There, dear, Is Sort, and ft has Lotherpu me shine to get It for you, l think I deserve a liitio praise.” H ifq: “Praise? You dc>ei've an encore, my dear.’’ “ Were yon at the sociable li rlirtit?” “Yes. and 1 spent pleasant evening.'’ “ I heard was to sing there. I stjfipoae ; joyed that. “ Kn*r ■ j mb. a sore throat.no J ou i'kIu : slug. Binks—‘‘ Did you p» to Milwaukee to attend the >:niff rfe a .links— “ Yes, I was there. Burks—“ \Vlift impressed you irn>«t during your so journ in Milwaukee?” Jinks—“The numerous signs of ‘English Spoken Here,’” From the amount of seismic lore beltig shot off in the i:ew<qi»p<Ts the chances are that any mnn now know an earthquake when be meets one, Ifere- tofore then has been some danger of confounding the blame tbtof with • passing ash cart. Fegg—“ I heard a pretty compliment for yyu the other dsv. Mrs. Pussy— “Indeed! May l «sk what it w»*r Fogg-“I heard some one sa; pretty you used to lie.’* Mrs. “ Used to be! Do you call that a com pliment? Icail it uu obituary notice.” By the Bartholdi stntua; Police nan— Move on now. Vre eitn’* allow loun gers here IVhat are von d »ipj anyway. Lounger lilst! Dou me away. I am Fvtnie for the to be tlntahed. anl rt t J«u» > ol! ttdtst and gel ahead oi Ei^.rcot o; the boys. Miss Clam—“ Do you not think, Mr. FeatherD' ‘hat MGs N ffib. whom we met last ewnl .4 is a v vy planyver- Jeed; i bad mi lay how Pussy— •on?” Mr. 1 08, mU i* c i:,i * *iy . ! think she i:; tlt<‘u.fiielfifft frtrf » hver saw, present eo.apuuy, of course, {Uffays ex—twn—that is Yes; she t* cer tain Iv a very plain person. Are you lawn teunisiug any this season, Misa Chua?” “ What 1s that You have got on your writing paper; Sadie r “ Tito 1 te “J portent bran -h/rf. indust Sure p« geated that we put it away down cellar and toe L'uitcd suites. for Fourth of July. When we opened it on tlie glorious Fourth ” “ Great Scots!’’ “ Tee, you'd have said great Scots and little Svto and aU other sort* of Scots. You said they were fretdi oytders. “ WUa; is 4 monogram 1 initial# of your name that Die letters overtop Oil! I S -e! Bor these name.” ake the monogram. . “Why, the cl anged so each other.” are beaut? of it. 1 Yf yau w»**iu3i ’em w«t it woulda’t he a mouogzam,forth having* . , ^ . Mr. Baxter was about to *“*“ v,_ L*a otuer. wit- i s -r. im* in. p not the initials of tour nam fe*. they ar%” ,;’ *‘d. i esu t ma n out.” “ Gertajnlv not, Tnnfs 1 | A recent romtWrtie Incident, th*story of which comes from Dakota^ reverses the usual rale. Dt yimnwfedr ft one of tlie older south wintrit*. in paekihg a barrel of efcfti for \'«w York, put her name and addreiA npon one of the eggs, wife aud cWdre»o«*tor«teti. “i£ oBM interrupted his llttte sm* wW» his and I took your word for It and paid I wtth t ; l{ , req-aesttUat the finder, 41 eli forty cent* iu cash.” The restauranter counted out forty I cent*, iflseed the change in the man’s hand, and motioned him to go out.” “Thankee," said the fanner as he backed out, “ you are a square man, and 1 told my wife you were p. Jaably deceived in the oysters yourself. One of my neighbors said he smelt ’em •even miles down the road. Thankee— this to k rect.” — wfs»■■■— ■■ - During an affray to a Texas town, a man was shot aad very badly wounded. Sympathizing friends raised up the fainting man. “ Take him to the drug store," suggested somebody. Slowly the wounded man opened his •yea and whupuml, utnuy: “ Wliat's —tl»—matter-with the—saloon 1" hie for matrlmonr. should write her. Asa Sequel, n ton in man named Frank Nolan will became a reddeut of Dakota and the youhf tody will not teach another school At a half-demolished Jesuit college littste A 1 # WM ln*r i dft&twant uutJl 1 hare leantM w awiBL of the kind of a! be can mamma i A gentleman who had be*t to town only three days, but who bad ba^ pay ing attention to a pnuuineut belle, wante<l to propose but would be tliounhl 1 was afraid he deli- peok to toil of marriage, u my m ule your ucunain- at Vienna, a dog lately fell through a ^ay^f B?”* “ tVeli^fshoifid »ay.‘N fissure in the pavemeut. The effort to p U 't 0 fj tffi to-morrow that which TOU should have done the day before j«MR> rtiiv *" * HHtosi hasty. He catciy iMttoohod tliv .Hibicrt as tollows: “Ifl were to speak th Tub o after having oatv m ule your m uiu what woiikl you Never fissure in the pavement, rescue the poir animal led to a curious archieolngienl diseuvery. The dog had. It was found. DiUos into a large vault containiug ninety coffins. The existence of D»is uiKierground burial-place had hitherto been mh.** Mnsusjavtoi. The inscriptions W the e.wUTG date Jiac^Ltp the reigu of Maria Theresa, shd the bodies are of tlie monks oi that period and of the nobfts who helped to wp- port the (uouaoAvfy. ^ day.’* At breakfast he began to ptay 1 with to do e persisted, ami ai iasi tfpset It and spirted the red pepper <ui the table- i doth. I*a>d: “Now. Alhm, yoh were , lisrinedietit and unseat he pepper castor, I citi I ffteluM make W» parchment lit I t' »H. and HSked: “ Wouldthefmo! ^ih^atoApap^ifiup-* l i rout i jugar i »*■»