Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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VOLUME III. An Independent Paper Devoted to tlxe Interestsb ?t <tlie 3E>e?pl? ORANGEBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY; SEPTEMBER 24, 1874. NUMBER 33. THAMES VALLEY SONNETS. VX HAND: O. nOORETTJ. WINTER. How largo that thrush looks on tho bare thorn-trool A swarm of snob, threo Uttto mouths ago, Bart bidden in tho leaves and lot nono know Bavo by tho outburst of their mlnstrolsy. A white flake bore and thoro-a Buow-llly Of last night's frost?our naked flower-beds hold; And for a reae-flower on the darker-lug mould The hungry reaauroasi gleam*. No bloom, no boo. The current shudders* to. Its Ice-bound aodge: Nipped in their bath, tho stark roods ono by ono Flash caoh Its clinging diamond In tho sun, 'Neattr'winds which for this winter's sovereign I?! -olodgo Bhall curb groat king-masts to tho ocean's edgo And leave memorial forest-kings o'orthrown. 8PU1NO. Soft-Uttered IS tho nsw-yesx's hvmblng-fold. And In tho hollowed haystack at its side The shepherd hos o'nlght now, wakeful-oycd At tho owes' travailing caU through tho dark cold. The young rooks oheop 'mid tho thick caw o" tho old; ... , And near nnpooplod strcam-aldo*, on tho ground, By hor sprlug-cry tho moor-hen's nest 1? found, Wheio tho drained flood-lands flaunt their marl gold. Ohill are the gnats to whloh tho pastures oowor, And ohllt tho onrrent whoro tho young roods stand as green and close as th? young wheat on land; Yet hero tho cuckoo and tho ouckoo-flowor ? Plight to tho heart spring's perfect itnmiuont hour. Whoso breath shall sooth you liko your dear onoa . hand. , THE PRACTICAL JOKE. "It will be jolly good fun," said Tom Hard, laughing vociferously, "jolly good fun. It's capital to ploy a joke on a green fellow like that, he takes it in so." Tom Hurd was the practical joker of tho echool. Practical jokes were his joy, and now he had concocted ono that was to cap the climax and make him a shining light among the fun-loving boys. Pole, little Jack Bedburn, whose mother was a clergyman's widow, who loved her only child with an absorbing tender ness, which he returned in a way few of the great boys could understand, was to be the viotim. Harry Pratt was going to New York, where the mother lived, and Tom Hurd had instructed him to send a telegram to Jack, to the oare of Professor Law ton, bearing these terrible word : " Your mother is dead. Oome home." Yes, and Tom had given Harry the money for this telegram and had written it out foi him. "It will kill two birds with one stone," said Tom. "Fancy Jack and the professor going off together in the gig, and Unding the old woman' ali.ve and jolly ! We 11 havo a half-holiday, too, and that's worth while, and nobody can catch us as I have managed it. It's {'oily fun 1 And to see how they'll oome >aok after it I Old Lawtou furious and little Jack full of the story?ka, ha 1 It will be fun 1" "But it will Boore him bo," said one small boy. " You hold your torguo," said Tom. "What's the fun of the joko if it didn't?" ' And so Harry pocketed the telegram and bidding good-bye to his frionds, departed. It was noon, next day. Tho boys were playing in the school yard. Little Jack sat perched upon the gate looking ont along the road. He was talking to his chum, Will Sparrow. "Six weeks to vaoation," he said, "and then I shall have six more with mamma. I shall go out with her to see things, and in the evening sho will take me in her lap as if I were a baby. I love to be mamma's baby still. It is nice?nothing is bo nioe us that, though the boys laugh at me for it. Woll, what can that be driving bo fast? If it should be mamma come to see mo 1" He jumped down from the gate post ami ran ont into tho road; but the vehiole that approached held only one young man. It was tho telegraph mes senger ; they all know him. He asked for Professor Lawton, and stood wait ing for his coming with a grave counte nance. Whon ho came ho whispered something in his ear, boforo ho handed him a large yellow envolopo. "It's our telegram," whispered Tom. " Now for fun." ' Professor Lawton took the message with a oountenanco full of trouble He walked into hi? study, and in a minnto more Mrs. Lawton camo out into the garden, and approaohing little Jack took him by tho hnnd and led him into tho house. "We'll Bee tho gig brought out soon," said Tom. " It's working finely." Tho jokers grouped about tho porch. Ono or two looked very muoh soared, but Tom was in high feather. They listened, but heard no sound for a long time. Then thero arose a faint, long drawn moan. A woman's scream fol lowed it. Then came silence. Tom stopped laughing. Ono of the boys began to cry. All felt a strango terror come over them. In a moment more the study door burst open and Mis, Lawton appeared. "Ono of you boys?Tom Hurd, you," ehe cried, "yon aro tho largest?run for Dr. Blair. Don't let him lose a moment. Run." "What has happened?" asked. Tom. " Don't stop to ask questions. Go," oried Mrs, Lawton. And Tom, without his hat, started off. It was a long run to the doctor's, and ho was breathless whon he reaohod tho door. He could not talk to the doctor as ho drovo back in his gig ; ho could only say something drendful must have happened. And when the doctor hurried into the professor's study he waited outside, trombling and trying in vain to hear what was going on. Mr. Barker, tho assistant, came around the house after awhilo, and said there would bo no sohool that after noon, and that tho boys must make no noise whatever. " Tho practical jokers had no wish to do bo. They sat sileutly on tho porch, until at last tho study door reopened and the doctor oame out, with the pro foBsor following him. "It is a terrible thing," lie said, slowly; "terrible. I have known sud den shocks to prodnoe death'very of ten, when tho heart was affected. Ah, dear me 1" "Please sir," cried a dozen boys' voioes at once, " won't you tell us what has happened?" " That telegram was from poor Jock Redburn'b home," said the professor. " His mother is dead. Howob a doli oate boy, and the doctor says?" "Ah, yeBl" said the doctor. "Yes, yes?dropped dead at once, didn't he poor fellow?" " Dead 1" oried the boys. "Deadl" cried Tom Hurd. "Ob, doctor 1 doctor I no, no. no I Save him! save him ! It's a joke?a wicked joke. His mother is alive. I sent the telegram. Tell him that; it will bring him to. Tell him I tell bim 1" " Dead people can't be brought to," oried the doctor. "Are you speaking the truth?" " Oh, yes," oried Tom, grovoling in the dust. " Oil, yes. Oh, God forgive me ! Will I bo hung ? O try to save him, doctor I" "Thomas Hurd," oried the professor,. " stand up; don't grovel there. Do you mean all this? Did you really send a lying messago to a widow's only Bon to tell him she was dead?" " Yes, sir," said Tom. " Oh, I am so sorry. I wish I was dead. Can't some thing be done ? He may not be quite gone. Ob, pray, pray, try." " Why did you do such a thing as this?" asked the doctor. " Only for fun," answered Tom. " Do you think it fun now ?" asked the doctor. " I'm a murderer!" said Tom. " Ob, hang me 1 hang me !" *i Do you think the law would allow us to do it, doctor ?" askod tho profes sor. "I should like very much to risk it." "Please do," said Tom, seriously. He dropped on tho steps as he spoke, and, lying on his face, began to moan: "I've killed him! I've killed him! I've killed him !" in a way that was terrible to hoar. The professor looked at tho doctor. He slipped back and opened the doer, and out ran a little slender figure, that knelt down by Tom, and whispered; " Don't go on so, Tom; I'm alive." Tom lifted up his head, and saw little Jack Redbnrn, and gave a soream, and caught him in his arms, crying : " Oh, he's alive ! he's alive! he's alive!" over and over again. " Yes, he's alive," said the professor ; " and, Tom, your telegram wan never sent at all. I caught Harry Pratt at his triok and dragged a confession from him ; and I arranged that a message about nothing should be sent through the telegraph, in order that you might eee it arrive. The doctor was in the plot, and if any one has been tho victim of a joke, it is you." " But, young man," said the doctor, "if it had been sent, that message of yours, it might have ended in a very tragio way. It is evident yon don't know how strong a boy's love for his mother may be, or you would not have fancied it a joke to uso it as a means of torture ; and yon do not know how dan gerous such a shook might be to any one, especially to a delicate little follow like that." ",It was very cruel," said Jaok ; " but I guess you didn't think, or you wouldn't have done it." Tom had risen, wiping his eyos. " I am so thankful, that I don't core what happens to me," ho said. " I de torvo what I've got, and I certainly shall novor play a practical joke on any one again as long as I live.!" And Tom kept his word. Zouaves. In my account of tho roviow held by Marshal Ma oM ah on last month I re marked on tho absonoo of tho Zouaves. I was tut then aware that there were no longer any in France. Since tho war they have rotnrned to their original du ties, whioh were thoso of colonial troops. The empire inportod them into France as it did tho Turcos?thoso Se poys of Algeria. When these corps were introduced .into tho imperial guard it became necessary to havo re serves to keep up their strength, and so line regiments of Zouaves wore brought into French garrisons to serve as a nur sory for the Zouaves of tho guard. The late war did a good deal to dissipate the exaggerated prestige of those semi oriental troops. As for the Turcos, af ter Forbaob and Woerth they were re duced to a handful. Their European drill and discipline made them formi dable to tho Arabs, and their desperate valor and ferocity rendered them ugly opponents even to regular soldiers. But thoir value was greatly diminished by tho introduction of long-range rifles. Excellent skirmishers, their cat dike agility aud speed and ft rooions onset also made them terrible in u bayonet attnok when, regardless of death, they charged home to break a lino or square. Bat. when such charges arc to be made upon troops currying rifles that kill at a thousand yards, and Are six times in | a minute, tho ohief utility of tho half Biivago Turcos was gone. It wob un likely that eithor bo or tho Zouovos will again bo soon figuring in a European war.?Paria Letter. ?" See," Baid a Borrowing wife, " how peaoeftil tho cat and dog aro." " Yes," said tho petulant husband, "but just tio them together and then sco how tho fur will fly?_ ?A Pennsylvania baby is said to havo inherited the eyes and noso of his father bnt the obeok of his uncle, who is an insurance agent. NOTES ONJSNGLAND. Ilooy American Orlttq.no on jffinglUh manners*. Kate Field writes in her " Bepubli oan notes on England"- in the St. Louis Republican: "Now it is perfectly true that many Americans are exceed ingly oarelesB in their speeoh. They do talk through their noses; but it is also true that this dreadul habit is an English inheritance and not a matter of climate. The native American's voice is guttural. It was our pilgrim fathers who brought over the wnihe known in England as ' Suffolk sing ing/ which to-day,, though banished from London salons, may be heard in the counties of Norfolk, Suffolk, Essex, and Cambridge. If our ancestors who named Massachusetts counties j after their old homes had good ears for mu sic they would have loft thou: noses be hind them, and their descendants would not now bo twanging through life to the disgust of England's aristocracy. Now nasality Ins so permeated the atmos Shero of New England that its people o not realize the affront they put upon their own vocal organs. - Yet in spite of hereditary taint, the most musical Eng lish in the world is spoken by cultivated Bostonians. This fact upsets the theory i of climate ; so too does the other fact I that New England produces a similarly rich contralto singing voice of which that consummate artist Adelaide Phil lips, hor sister Matilda Phillips, who is now winning laurels in Italy, Annio Louise Gary, and Antoinette Sterling are ever notable examples. The Pan tans are not alone to blame for the d e ? foots in our speech. Tho negro has been our bane in more than one res pect, and southerners drawl and flatten their vowels because their sable nurses did so before them. Nevertheless, tho cultured southern planter will often speak English without the slightest ac cent. Puritan and negro have spread over the oontinent their vocal peculiar ities, and until parents appreciate that most excellent thing in man or woman, a sonorous voioe, and rear their children oarefully, Americans will suffer under the imputation of being the worst toned people. I was first startled by the abseuoe of what oan only be expressed by the Frenoh word complaisance. American ?oliteness is more nearly modelled upon 'renoh than English manner. _ The aim of an American in decent society is to give as little offence as possible, to say pleasant things even at the expense of unvarnished truth, and to place himself, as well as thoao with whom ho converses, in the most agreeable light. The. typi cal Englishman indulges in no such sen timentality. There is muoh more of the brute about him. He makes no effort to please, but if you please him ho will bask in that pleasure as a lizard basks in sunshine, and onoe your friend oan be relied upon. He delights in chaff. American society had rather tell a pleas ant Be than an unpleasant truth. In England the natural and universal im pulse?with exceptions, bo it under stood?is to say whatever comes upper most, especially if it be something dis agreeable. Yet the expression is so unoonsoious as to leave no poison in the sting. The greatest grievance English society nurses against us is what it calls Americanisms. That forty millions of people should dare to invent words fills John Ball with unspeakable horror. Our audacity in thus defiling the well of English is only equalled by our vul garity of tone, all Americans, according to John Ball, speaking with a nasal twang. "Yes, all Americans, you ex cepted," exclaimed a very clever and big hearted Englishman one evening while entertaining me at his own table, "all Americans have a dreadful twang. Thoy all talk through their noses." This gentleman had a very decided nasal tone. " Perfectly true," ohimed in ono after another, all good-naturedly, hot all in earnest. One generation can undo tho evil of 250 years. As for knowing anything about us, apart from our always being rioh and always talking through our uobos, of courso tho majority of tho English upper classes do not; and when it comes to geography 1 " Know any thing of American geography 1 of courso wo don't," exclaimed a brilliant mem ber of the commons. "Why is it not recorded that in the last war between England and America our government Bent out water lor onr floets in the great lakes, in complete ignorance of tho fact that the water of these lakes is fresh? Apart from the few English men who have traveled in yonr country, I assure yon that our knowledge is con fined to a faint peroaption of the exist ence of New York and Boston. But then we are not too well studied in any geography. I'll wager that before tho war with Bussia few Englishman know whoro tho Crimea was. Is not this a sofe wnger, Lady Blank ? " " I am Bure it is," i eplied our hostess; " even now/don't know whoro it is." "Not long iiice I called en the Duke of^ Argyle, the secretary for iudia," said a (listinguisod Indian to mo. "The duke" boars himself with gracious dig nity and received mo most courteously. There was a map of India hanging up in tho room to which tho duke turned, and, pointing to a largo desert, asked me what ??a it was! This, from the Indian secretary, struck mo as amaz ing." I should think bo. But though tho English know not one state from another, though I have been asked whether there were not many Indians in tho vicinity of Boston, though an in telligent traveler like Edmund Dicey deolares that wo have no singing birds, that all Americans have long necks and no Americana havo onrly hair, there is ono city on this oontinent with which every Englishman ia familiar, and that is Chiougo. Tho great fire advertised Chicago on the banks of ; x tho Ganges,, and gave it a European prest ige that' no other American city can rival, unless it euoooeds in being totally- destroyed by some devouring olpmept. Actors and Auditors. A singular phase of the' theatrical 'ex istence is tho ? passionate 'fondness evinced by:members of that calling .for attending entertainments thonuiolves. Apostles of most other professions and trades gladly; sink the- shop; when thoy are fairly ont of it. Tho lawyer off .duty does not frequent tho courts. Tho ed itor is not continually hanging around other offices,when not confined in hie own. Doctors do not rest themselves! by visiting tho patients of other doctors. Bat tho actor or actress, of high or, low j degree, wheh not directly busied on the j glaring side of tho footlights, is euro to be found in the auditorium. i ThcmdSt; persistent theatre-goers in tho worl d aro theatrical people. Mrs. Ohinfrau reached Chicago!'Vine afternoon inst week.; ;.Sho had t ravoied straight through from Now York^? aud,{ after a twenty-four hours' rest,' was 'to pu?h on tri San Francisco. Bat she'.Was ono of Moyioker's audience that night, and sat the play through. Her business manager passed all of the same' evening at the Academy. Mr. and Mrs. Edwin Adams arrived in that city threo or f our days before that gentleman's engage^ ment was to begin. They attended the1 theatres overy night and matinee, aud were among tho most eager and atten tive of the' Spectators. It is so always, everywhere.1 The wife of a theatrical manager may be seen .in . the audience night after night, month in and month out. A shoemaker's wife does not follow her' liege1 ? to his shop every day.: Clergymen's wives are not regular companions of-their husbands on pastoral calls?it might bo prudent; if they were The aotor of a regular company, when not oast for duty, can invariably be Been in the - front; of i the houso or that of a rival. establishment, And the puzzlo of it all is, they grow as' excited, often, over the fortunes of tho Slayers as tho greenest of the auditors, hey guffaw with tho comedian, scowl with the villain, and rub away a sheep i h tear or two at the. woes of tho dis tracted maiden. One would think that the work.on the stage would seem the dreariest of routine to 'them, but it does not. else are they better actors when loosing at a play than when per forming in it. '*1 NotoJbla .performers never lose an op portunity of witnessing their great co temporaneB. Booth is a frequent vis itor to the' theatre when Fechter and Adams play. Mrs. Bowers chases after Char lot to O ashman every chance she can get. Salvini was an earnest student of Booth's la go in Baltimore, and ap plauded unstintedly. Indeed, the most lavish, as well as the most dis criminating of applauBe comes from professional actors and aotresses in the audience. The numbskulls who are always rattling their brogans and per cussing their paws inopportunely, are never members of the dramatio or oper atic calling. You do not hear actors haw haw when Joe Jefferson, in plaintive broken English, wonders if " dore is anybody alive round here?" Clara Louise Kellogg waits until her sister song-bird Jhas finished her aria before j breaking in with applause. This love of attending plaoes of amusement, on the part of amusement people, is one of the best proofs of the Permanent attraotiveness of the stage, hey never tire of a seat in the audi ence, fully as tiiey understand the un leality of all that is enacting on tho boards. How, then, can the casual theatre-frequenters ever weary of tho entertainments which, to them, have so much of voritability ? Critics may af fect blase, and wonder at tho voraanoy which oan eternally accept the crndo sham as real. But what are they going to do with the life-long disciples of tho calling, who make as enthusiastic spec tators as the rawest bumpkin in tho audience? The Heal Chinaman. Brot Harte, in describing a Chinaman in a sketch in Scribuor's, Bays : *' I want the average reader to discharge from his mind any idea of a Chinaman that he mny have gathered from the pantomime. Ho did not wear beautifully scalloped drawers fringed with little bells?Inovor mot a Chinaman who did ; he did not habitually carry his forefinger extended before him at right angles with his body, nor did I ever hear him utter the mysterious sentence, 'Ching a ring a ring ohnw.' nor danco under any provo cation. Ho was, on the whole, a rather gravo, decorous, handsome gentleman. His oomplexion, which extended all over his head; except where his long pig-tail grow, was like a very nice pieoe of glazod brown paper muslin^ His eyes were bb ok and bright and his eye lids set at an angle of forty-five degrees; his nose straight and delioately formed ; his month small aud his teeth white and olean. Ho wore a dark blue silk blouse, and in tho streets, on cold days, a short jacket of astrakhan fur. He woro also a pair of drawers of blue brocado gath ered tightly ovor his calves and auklca, offering a genoral sort of suggestion that he had forgotten his trousers that morn ing, but that, bo gentlemanly were bis manners, his friends had forborne to mention the fact to him. His manner was urbane, although quite serious. He spoke French and English flnently. In brief, I doubt if you could havo "found the equal of this pagan shopkeeper among tho Christian traders of San Franoisoo."_ 4 ?A Franoh scientist claims to have diocovered an inseot which makes its homo in the middlo of oigars. OLD BOSBTJM, THE BEAU. WnatCol. SpnrUs ICuown About this Ilis forlo Individual. From a Soatborn Paper. Notioing in tho columns of the Sun Enquirer, a few days ago, an artiole from Maj. Oalhonn, in which allusion is made to Ool. W. H. Sparks, of New Or leans] now in thin city, as the author of this well known mid popular old wag. \ I called his attention to it. The follow-! ing' letter is in reply to my inquiry, Ool. Sparks Is, perhaps, as well if not bettor known than any other man of the old regime oi ariBtooraoy and wealth, for -vhioh the great southwest became so famous anterior! to tlie war. He is tho author of a highly-interesting book .'entitled "Memories of Fifty Tears." The colonel is new over seventy-five tearu of age; but still retains his fealth, constitutional vigor, and great mental strength'to a remarkable degree. He numbered as his personal associates and companions of tho long ago suoh Bjrsohages as Danial Webster, Oalhonn, en. Jackson, John Bell, Slidell, ana most of tho statesmen of note who flourished in those times. Li conversa tional powers the colonel is unsurpassed, and his familiarity and acquaintance with.all the prominent men and public incidents of a half century back' make his society really charming. . He, to gether with his excellent and talented .lady,,have been spending the summer at the Eimball House, and the two have been tho center of great attraction for the; number of intelligent guests who .daily throng its parlors. But I give you Ool. Sparks' own word?, together with the original " Bossum the Beau :" Atlanta, Qa., Aug. 21,1874. Mb. W. H. Moobh : My Dear Sir? I am obliged to you for the little para graph from the Columbus paper as cribing to me the authorship of this song, oneo SO popular throughout the country. It is very1 true, I wrote the lines I send yon, and they are the first that were ever sung to tho air which became famous. I will give yon a brief history of .the writing, and of tho man who inspired thorn.' When I first went to the westi in 1826, I was some time in selecting a domicile . Why?it is not necessary for mo to state, as. the reason and causes for delay will form a theme for a chap ter in the second volume of the " Mem ories of Fifty Years." Finally I located in Mississippi and commenced the practice of law. It was in rtho midst of the noblest-race-of peo ple I hnvo ever known. Amongst these were two equally remarkable but very unlike. One was a school master who was quite old, and who had been teach ing in that neighborhood over forty years. His name was James Bossum, He was peculiar in his habits. On Monday morning, neatly, dressed and cleanly shaven, he w?nt to his duties in the old Rohool-house, where two-thirds of his life had been spent, and assidu ously devoted himself to the duties of his vocation until Friday evening. On Saturday morning he arrayed himself in his best, and devoted the day in vis iting the ladies of the neighborhood. He was a welcome guest at every house. This habit had continued so long that he had acquired the sobriquet of " Bossum, the Beau." The other's name was Cox, who was a rollicking good fel low, and the best vocalist I ever knew. He was in song what Prenties was in oratory, and they wore boon compan ions. Both died young. Oox was frequently at my office, and upon one occasion while he was there Bossum walked by tho door, and his ago was apparent in his walk. Cox looked at him. and after a pause turned to me and remarked in quite a feeling tone, which he could assnmo at pleas ure, and its eloquence was indescrib able : " Poor old Bos sum! somo of these sunny mornings he will bo found "dead, when he shall havo a noble fnneral, and all tho ladies will honor it with be ing present, I know." Soon after ho left the office, and be ing in the humor I seized the ideas and wrote tho following doggerel lines. Soon after Cox returned, and I handed them to him He got up, walked and hummed different airs, until he fell upon the old Methodist hymn tune, in which they have ever since been sung. I havo always considered Oox more entitled to the authorshp of the song than myself. Hundreds of lines have been written to the air, by as many persons, and almost as many have claimed the au thorship of the lines; but this is of no moment. I claim no merit for my lines, but everything for Cox's flinging them. I have Been him draw tears from the eyes of the old and the yonng : Now, bo an, on Bomo soft, nanny morning, Tho first thing my neighbors shall know, Thoir oan bIuUI bo mot with tho warning? Como bury old Bossum, tho bean. Mv frionda thon so noatly shall dross mo In linen as white as tho snow? And in ray now coffin shall prosB mo. And whisptir: Poor Rossum, tho beau. And whon I'm to bo buried, I reckon, Tho Iftdios will all liko to go; Lot thom form at tho foot of my oofOn, And follow old Rossum, the bean. Thon tako yon a dozen good follows, And let thom all staggering go; And dig a deep hole in the meadow. And in it tons Itostmm, the bean. Thon shape out a oonpla of dorniokn, rir.ee, ono at the head and tho toe; And do not fait to Roratch on it? 1 [eve Hoe old ItoBBum, tho beau. Then tako yon these dozen good fellows, And stand them all round in a row; And drink out of a blg-belllfld bottlo, Farowoll to old Rossum. tho bean. l W. H. SPARKS. ?A Now York dootor figures it out that an averngo woman will abed a bar rel of {.tearsjin forty years, .-:? FACTS AND FANOIEB., ir.r.i i ?The wicked flea, "It ain't sorihiV? the biting, if only the plngney thing " wouldn't keep getting up and Bitting; down all the time." Exactly, ,rrimrp^ ?Of a miserly man who died of 'soft**!1 oning of the brain, a local paper saidqxi "Hia head gave way, but,. his hand ? never did. His brain softened, bup his heart couldn't." vlntali ?"Can you do the landlord in.Hheroi 'Lady of Lyons?"' said a manager,.t& a seodly actor. "I shonld think I might," was the answer, "I have done** a great many landlords." Qdj norji ?Boys will be boys. At Alton, 'V^-niv a preacher asked all . Sunn ay-echo ol scholars to stand up who intended to77 visit the wicked, soul-destroying 'OUYiu cos. All but a lame girl, stood.up. ^ ?An enterprising : reporter in Arkan sas, who was lately sentenced 't?"tne)J state prison for horse stealing, applied to his employers to bo continued on.tho journal as penitentiary correspondent. ?The Detroit Free Press mak 'lia?r^ just returned from Saratoga; He bqjb'oi "Tho Saratoga belles merely taste food, j at the table, but fee the waiters to bring a square meal up the back stairs." * : - lUrf* on ?A V threo card monto" expert is, rarj,^ ported to have, offered the directors of. ' the Union Paoiflo railroad a bonus-bf'" $10,000 per annum for the exclusive f> right to play his little game in their ,. ( sleeping oars. ?Little Johnnie is dead; but before) his spirit was wafted to the angels ? hen >" requested that a watermelon vine might be allowed to wander at wilt.'over'his' green grave, that it might be ? warning ? to future generations. I : , p,, ?Pa, who is * Many Voters ? " asked . a young hopeful of his sire. "Don't know him, (my son; why ?'" 1"'C6i,3n^ saw you signm his namo to that letter yon got the other night oskin' you to run for alderman." "8h-h-h, my aon, here's a nickel; go and getsome candy'.'> ?A Miss Balkstraw, of St. Oswald'toi* Grove, Manchester, has recovered ?100 breach of promised >mages from Joseph r" O. Nottingham, a Portsmouth engineer..A This is the sort of thing Joseph used, to[jc send her during his five years' court- . Bhip:. . ' 'Task not If tho "world unfold A fairor form than thine, Tresaoa mpro rich in glowing gold,- ? r. And eyee of a aweotor tmiuo. It ia enough for nie to know >,-,to' Thea, too, art fair to eight; TlAt thou haat looks of goldon glow, And eyee of playful light." ?A Kentucky crusader confessed the-'-, other day that she had kissed sixteen men, ana thus drawn them from the in toxicating bowl. She gave the name:! of the men, howover, and their wives,-. are now inquiring with muoh anxiety whether whisky drinking is as bad as it is generally supposed to be. ?The pounding of the stomach forif the oure of dyspepsia was the cause of a good joke tho other day. Two'men were describing what they had done to"t oure themselves. " Do you knead your stomach ?" " I?I?couldn't get along without it!" responded the other,"in" the lost stage of astonishment. ?In one of the Cape towns a young ... scholar, the first day of school, was asked her name by the teacher, and re plied. Her father's name was the next question, and she did not know his first,- t name. The teacher then asked her, "What does yoar mother coll him?" ' " You Jaokaso," said the child. ?A miss, upon whose flaxen curls the suns of fourteen summers had shed their fervor, came home tho other after noon, weeping as if her heart would break, and meeting a playmate, ex claimed, in a paroxysm of grief, " O, Dora, we were engaged to be married, and Charley's got the measles !" ?A lady sitting in her parlor, and en- . gaged in the dreamy contemplation of the moustache of the young gentleman who was to escort her and her sister to a musical festival, was suddenly awak ened by an ominous whisper in a juven-1 ile voice at the door, "You've got Ann's teeth, and sho wants 'em." ?Tho cash sales of the grange co-op* erativo store at Los Angeles, Col., amounted to over $10,000 the first month. They act as middlemen for all farmers, both buying and selling. A new paper mill is to be started, the cap ital to be furnished by the Grangers, and the water power donated by the city. , ?A gentleman of Lake George, after waving his handkerchief for half an hour or more at an unknown lady, whom he discovered at a distant point on the shore, was encouraged by n warm response to his signals to ap proach his charmer.. Imagine bis feel ings, when on drawing nearer he saw that it was his own dear wife whom ho had left at the hotel but a short time before. "Why, how remarkable wo should have recognized each other at suoh a distanoe?" exclaimed both in the same breath; and then they changed the subject. ?Bev. Dr. Onyler writes: Say what we may of the rapid growth of our American towns, the monster strides of the British metropolis always over whelm me. London now contain ', 600,000 people! It almost equals *s, New York and Brooklyn combined into one. Yon can drive fifteen miles on one of its diameters. When, in my col lege -b ;y days, I once went out to pay my respects to Joanna Baillie, the emi nent authoress, who lived near Hanip stead Hill, I walked dear ont of town and over open fields. I am now stay ing at the hospitable bouse of our friend, the Bev. Newman Hall, who resides on the same Hampstead Hill, in the midst[of compactly-built street*.