Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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VOLUME III. A.n. Inxlepencierit Paper Devoted to the Interests of* the People. ORANGEBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, JULY 23, 1874. NUMBER 24. THE EARLY BIRD. Daintily over tho dew-wet grass Tripped blue-eyed Mllly, tho farmer's lass, Swinging b,er mllkpail to aud fro, As huo murmured a lovo-eoug, soft and low. Many a snttor Mllly hnd, From tbo ?qutre'a sou to tbo hordruan's lad; Dut Bho smiled on all with a merry glanco And gavo each wcoer an equal chance. Now faithful Dnnald. tho herdsman's lad, Tiie moro ho loved lior tho moro was sad; ?'K?r what with tho squlro's son." thought he, " Bho never will turn a thftught to m?l" Dut down in the meadow ho raked the bay, When Mllly wont Hinging along that way. Ho watched her pas*, and she cried, in Jort: ?'4 Tis tho early bird * ?you know tho rest S " Then suddenly Donald grow so bold That tho " old. old Btory " was quickly told; And bln?-eycd'MiUy was notbiug loth On that summer's mornng to plight her troth, *' Oh I foolish Donald 1" Bho crlod, in gloe, *' To wait so long for n hint from mc!" Then morrlly over tho dow wot grass Gripped Donald and Mllly. his own sweet Isrb. THE BOARD FENOB. "Shoo, bIioo, get homo, yo.i plaguy critters 1" cried Mr. Baboook, waving his arms os ho . chased a dozen sheep and lambB through a gap in the fence. It was a wooden fence, and when he had succeed in driving the animals the other side of it, he lifted it from its re olining position, aud propped it up with stakes. This wni an operation he had found himself obligod to repeat many times in tho courso of the season, and not only of that season, but of several previous seasons. Yet Mr. Babcook was neither slaok nor thriftless ; in faot, he rather prided himself on tho orderly appoarance of bis farm, and not without reason. How then shall we account for his negli gence in this particular instance ? The truth was that this fouco formed tho boundary lino between his ostateaud that of Mr. Small; and three genera tions of mou who owned theso estates had been unable to decide to whom it belonged to rebuild aud keep it in re pair. If the owners had chanced to be men of peaceable dispositions, thoy had compromised tho matter aud avoided a quarrel ; but if, on the contrary, they belonged to that much larger class who would sooner sacrifice their own com fort and convenience than their so-called rights, this fenco had boon a source of unending bickerings and strife. And of this class were tho present liwners. Again and again they had i8nltod their respective lawyers on Bubjeot, and dragged from their ling-places musty old deeds and re rds, but always with tho same reanlt. MI say it belongs to you to keep it in "repair ; that's as plain as a pike staff," " And I says it belong to you,?any fool might see that," Mr. Small would reply, nnd then high words would fol low, and they would part in anger, more determined and obstinate than before. The lawyer's fees and the loss by dam ages from each others' cattle had al ready amounted to a sum snflicient to havo built a fenco round their entire estates, but what was that compared to tho satisfaction of having their own wav? There was not wautiug in the neigh borhood poace-makors who would gladly havo settled too affair by arbitration ; but to this neither of tho belligerents would listen for a moment. At last, ono day, Miss Letitin Gill, a woman much roipected in the village, and of some weight as a land-owner and tax-payer, sent for Mr. Bibcock to como and see her ou business; a summons which he mado hnsto to oboy, as how could he do otherwise where a lady was concerned. Miss Letitia sat ot her window sow ing up a seam, but sho dropped her work and look off hor spectacles whon Mr. Babcock made his appearance. " So you got my message ; thank you for couiiug, I'm sure. Sit down, do. T suppose my man Isaac, told you I wanted to consult you on a matter of business,?a matter of oquity, I may say. It can't be expeoted that we women folks should be tho best judges about such things, you know ; there's Isaac, to bo sure, but then ho lives on the place, and maybe ho wouldn't bo exactly impartial in his judgment about our affairs." '?.Tes' so," said Mr. Babcock. " Well, the stato of the ciso is this : When Isaac camo ur> from the long raoadow to dinner,?they're mowing tho meadow to-day, and nn uncommonly good yield there is.?whon ho came up to dinner, ho found that certain stray cows had bioken into tho vegetable garden." "Tie did, hoy?" " Yon can fancy tho riot they made. I declare, Isaao was nlmost ready to uso profane language. I'm not sure that he didn't say ' deuce,' and I'm not certain he did say 'darn;' and after all, I 'couldn't feel to reproooh him very severely, for tho pains ho has taken with that garden is something amazing; working in it, Mr. Babcook, early and lato, weeding find digging, nnd water ing, and now fo sen it all torn and trampled so that you wouldn't know which was beots nnd which was oucum bors, it's enough to ronso nnybody's tempor. " It is so," Raid Mr. Babcook. 11 And that isn't all, for by the looks of thing* thoy must have been rampag ing a full hour in tho orchard nnd elo vor-field before they had got into tho garden. Just you come and ?oo :" and puttincr on her sun-bonnet, Miss Lotitin showed Mr. Babcook over the damaged preoinct. ?* You don't happen to know thoce animals did tho misohiof?" snid Mr. Baboook. " Well. T didn't obierva them in par ticular, but Ts-mo said there was ono with it particular white mark; some thin'1' liko a oroH* on her hauneh." "Why, that's Small's old Brindle." cried Mr. Babcock. '?I know the ranrk as well os I know the nose on my face. She had balls on her horns,, didn't she " Yes, so Isaao said." " And a kind of hump on her baok ?" "A perfect dromedary," said Miss Letitia. 441 noticed that myself." 44 They were Small's cows,?no donbt abont it at all," said Mr. Baboook, rub bing his hands. 4 4 No she^p with them; hey ?" 44 Well, now I think of- it, there were sheep?they ran away as soon as they saw Isaac.* Yes, certainly there were sheep," said Miss Lotitin. 441 know it,?they always go with the cows; and what you wiBh of me?'. 44 Is to fix the damages," eaid Miss Letitia. 44 As I said before, women folks are no judgesabout such matters." Mr. Baboook meditated a moment, and then sai 1 : 44 "Well, I wouldn't take a cont less than seventy-five dollars, if I were yon, ?not a oent." 44 Seventy-five dollars I Isn't that a good deal, Mr. Baboook: ? You know I don't wish to be hard on the poor man ; all I want is a fair compensation for the miBohief done." 44 Seventy-fivo dollars is fair, ma'am, ?in f aot, I may say it's low ; I wouldn't have a herd of cattle and sheep tramp ing through my premises in that way for a hundred." 44 There's one thing I forgot to state, ?tho orchard gate was open or they couldn't have got in ; that may make a difference." 44 Not a bit,?not a bit. You'd a right to have -your gate open, but Small's cows had no right to ran loose. I hope Isaac drove 'em all to the pound, didu'c he ? " 441 heard him say he'd shut 'em up somewhere, and didn't mean to let 'em out till the owner calls for 'em. But, Mr. Baboook, ?cvhat if ho should refuse to pay the damages ? I should hate to go to law about it." 44 Ho won't refuse ; if ho does, keep the critters till he will pay. As to law, I guess he's had about enough of that." 44 I'm sure I thank you for your ad vice," said Miss Letitia, 44 and I mean to act upon it to the very letter." And Mr. Baboook took his leavo with a very happy expression of countenance. Soaroely was he out of sight when Miss Letitia sent a summons for Mr. Small, which ho obeyed as promptly as his neighbor had done. . She made to him preoisely tho same statement she had made to Mr. Bab cock, showed him tho injured property, It ?vas romarkablo that before ho did thip, ho should ask the same question Mr. Babcock had asked, namely, whether she had any suspicion to whom tho animals belonged. " Well, ono of them I observed had a terribly crooked horn." 44 Preoisely?it's B.iboook's heifer. I should know her among a thousand. She was blaok and white, wasn't she?" 44 Well, now I think of it, she was ; ono seldom sees so olear a black and whito on a oow." 44 To bo euro, they're Bibcook's aui mals fast enough. Well, let me see? what you want is just about a fair esti mate. I suppose ?" 44 Certainly." 44 Well, 1 'should say ninety dollars was as low as ho ought to bo allowed to get off with." 44 O, but I fear that will soein as if I meant to tako advantage. Supposo we call it?say seventy fivo?" 41 Just as you pieaso, of course ; but hanged if I'd let him off for loss than a hundred, if 'twas my case." 44 And if he refuses to pay ?" 44 Why, keep his animals till ho comes round, that's all." 44 But there's ono thing I neglected to mention ; our gate was standing open ; that may alter tho case." 44 Not at all,?there's no law against your keeping yonr gato open ; there is against stray animalp." 44 Very well,?thank you for yonr ad vioo," said Miss Letitia ; and Mr. Small departed with as smiling a countenance as Mr. Baboock had worn. B it at milking timo that night he made a strange discovery?old Brindle was missing! At abont tho same hour Mr. Baboock made a similar discovery?tho blaok and whito heifer was nowhere to be found ! A horrible nnspicion seized them both,?a .suspicion which they would not havo made know to oaoh other for tho world. They waited till it was dark, and then Mr. Babcnok stole round to Miss Letitia's, and meekly asked leavo to look at tho animals which had commit ted tho trespass. Ho would havo done it without asking leave, only that thrifty Miss Letitia always looked her barn doors at night. While he stood looking over into tho pon whoro tho co.tr wero confined, and trying to negotiato with Miss Xotitin for" tho roleaso of tho hot for, along cirao Mr. Small, in quest of Brindlo. Tho two men stnrod at each other for an instant in blank dismay, and then hung thoir heads iu confusion. It was useless to assort that tho dam agos wero too high, for had they not fixed them themselves? It was useless to ploid that Miss Letitia was in a manner responsible for what had happonod, on account of the open gate, for had they not assured her that oircumstance did not affect the case ? It was useless to say that nho had no right to keep the cows in custody, for had they not coun seled her to do so ? As fo going to law abont it, would they not thus b?como the Bprtrfc of tho whole town? 41 ' Ho that diggeth a pit. ho himself shall fall into it,* " said Miss Lotitia, who read what was passing in their minds as well as if thoy had spoken, or the light of Isaac's lantern fell full on their faces. " However, I don't wish to be hard upon you, and on one condi tion I will free the cows and forgive von tho debt." * "What is that?" Both looked the question, but did not ask it. " The condition is that yon promise to put a good new fenco in place of the old ono that separates your estates, di viding the costs between you, and that henceforth you will live peaceably to gether as far as in yon lies. Do you promise ?" "Yes," muttered both, in a voice scarcely audible. "Shake hands upon it, then," said Miss Letitia. They did so. "Now let the cows out, Tsaao; it's time they were milked," said ?he. And the two men went away driving their animals before them, with a shame-faced air greatly in contrast to the look of triumph with which they had last quit ted her presence. The fenco was built, and the strife ceased when the cause was removed but it was long before Miss lietitin's part of the affair came to the public ear ; for she herself maintained a strict silence concerning it, and enjoined the same upon her man-servant Isaac. Mules ana Women. Some unknown party writes mo as follows : " Mr. M quad ploas advise me in your next oolnm what to do with a kicking mual?-Shell i pound him or not "my wife is allso treoherous as tho mual i bolieve her tonguo is hung on the middle and flies at both ends "L. L. P." No, sir, don't pound your mule. I know it is oustomary for owners of mules to commence on the animal at, sunrise with a crowbar and v ind him until bedtime, but I have always found kindness more suaoessful. Seek to gain the friendship of your mule, and as soon as yon succeed you can do any thing with him. When you go into tho barn in tho morning, havo a kind word for him, instead of knooking him down with the neok-yoke. Ask alter the health of his family?show him tbat yon are interested in his welfare?be civil aud yet dignified, and as soon as that mule finds out that some one in this cold world loves him he will be a different mule. All mules kick, my dear sir, just as all men love to hold a fat office, but' there's, a, rempfe i * . - ,f4afc "T, stove boiler, fill it with bricks, and hang it by a rope so that it will just swing against the animal's heels. Every- time ho kicks it will fly back, like the pen dulum of a clock, and tho patience of the most enduring mule will, in time, wear out. I tried this once, and the niulo kicked twenty-four days and nights before he snrrendered, but after that you might inn a steamboat on his heels, and he wouldn't raise a hoof. Feed your mnle well. I know of farmers who t irow a keg of nails or an old sap-pan into the manger, and ex pect a mule to grow fat on snob forage, but it embitters their feelings and makes 'em more set in their ways. Of course I don't say that you must feed a mule on fried eggs, currant jelly, raisin cake, and the like of that, but don't expect ho can f? od on rails and feel en thusiastic all tho time. About your wife. Don't try to stop her from talking unless you want to kill her. It's natural for a woman to talk, sir. My first wife used to nearly kill rao, but I now rcmomber with strict grief how I deliberately planned her death. I bet 810 that she couldn't keep right on talking foB three weeks, and she commenced. I had to go away from home, bnt sho was a woman that wouldn't lie, and I trusted to her honor. I returned homo at tho end of three weeks. Tbore was no one around the house, but on a chair where I left my dear wifo sitliug, was a oorset, a dross, a dozen buttons and a baok-comb?tho last sad relicts of my loving partner, Sho had talked herself to death, and as I began to weep tho o >rsot spoke up and said : "Come down with that littlo ton dol lars, if you please." M. Quad. A Popular Comet. The World has reoeived information that the comet is very popular among young lovers, and they never tiro of tho heavenly hunt, but endure with aston ishing resignation tho constantly recur ring collisions consequent upon the sud den movements of their heads in oppo site diretcions. Now and then the young fellow is euro he sees it, and then in the excitement of the moment he passes his arm about bis companion's neck, aud with his hand undor her chin raises her face toward that of tho starry firmament wh -ro ho thinks ho has dis covered tho o-jlestial wanderer. Full of onthusiasm tho girl remains gnzing in this position long and earnestly, the silvor moonlight illuminating her coun ?tenanoo with a radinnoo that gives to every feature an angelic charm, and suggesting tho idea that sho herself might be a beautiful star, moulded into human form nnd sent upon tho earth for tbo deleotation of mankind. But at this interesting point of tho search tho voice of a sleepy and unromantio father pen etrates the shadows of tho garden? "Jaa-a-no! it is ten o'olook," nnd tho charm is broken. ?" Sad thine: to lone your wife," said a friend to a Vormouter who i tood nt tho gravo of his wifo. M Well, tolera* bly sad,."-replied the mourner, "but then, her clothes just fit my oldest g^rl." ? \ sonsitivo girl lias broken off tho match became ho said oho had a foot liko a raisin-box. Tho MeiohantB of the Future. A German statistician has lately given a tabular view, of tho commercial move ment of the world as shown in the ex port and import trado of nations. . In somo regions, as in Africa, it is dif?oalt to m?ke an estimate; but what is equal ly striking is tho fact that while old commercial countries maintain their trado, now ones are dawning, as it were, into the, activity of commercial day. On looking at the trado figures of haff oivilizedloonntries, we see in them' Ihe great key to the oommerco of the future. The trado of some countries does not always grow in proportion to the supe rior intelligence and commercial spirit of their people, bat oftener according as its natural productions are in do mand by. other people. This influences the export trade alono. The imports depend more on, first, the available ex portable/matter, and secondly the nec essities of the people,.or rather on their appreciation of the wants of civilized life. Bat here again calculations are often at fault, for it is not the people upon whom most dependence is placed that always turn out' the bost custom ers. Even in two peoples like the Chi nese and Japanese there is a great dif ference of willingnoss,;to avail them selves of the result of progress. Social habits and ethnological ? considerations both enter as factors. The surprising developments of such countries as Egypt show us the probable impetus which will mark the trade of what may bo called undeveloped commercial re gions of the world. It is this very faot that will preserve sueh manufacturing countries as Eng land from decline. Trade is only be ginning with some lands, and their in habitants are bat just becoming ac quainted with the products of civiliza tion. Till suoh timo as these new coun tries themselves begin to manufacture, they will doubtless bo customers of Great Britain, Franco, Germany and America, for sueh articles as each can sell cheapest. In the meantime, how ever, there is little doubt that wh'on onoe the barriers which soparate China from the rest of the world are brokeu down, it will enter in the markets with all the advantages which its immense and skillful population will give it. In different' -kinds of manufactures it is more thnn probable It will completely shut out European competitors. Late travelers through China havo not only been amazed at the progress the Chinese are making, but are filled with appre hension^ rho perspective. Another revolution in tue importing and exporting business is preparing, whioh may involve a complete transfor mation in banking and exchange. When the commercial relations of two coun tries are sufficiently regulated, ex changes will be made in products, and balances will bo paid in orders on other countries, whioh will also represent so much value in merohandiso. The reg ulating pow r will not bo gold, or gold alone, but what coin can only repre sent?the commodities. These com modities will bo Bymbolized on paper, and the use of metallic currency, in consequence, will be proportionately diminished. Transactions will be made on samples, and the merchants of the future will be speculators in produots, as our brokers are in railway shares. Tho spirit of the age is speculative, and the tendency boyond question. What changes oommerco may undergo, it is difficult to determine, but it would seem to gravitate to an exoited but peaceful contest with tho world for its field of operation.?New York Com mercial Bulletin. Tho Bamboo Tree. Probably this tree subserves moro purposes of usefulness thnn anv other in the whole range of nature. The In dian obtains from it a part of his food, many of his household utensils, and a wood at once lighter and capable of bearing greater strains than heavier timber of the same size. Besides, in expeditions in the tropics under the rays of a vertical sun, bamboo trunks have more than once been used as bar rels, in whioh water muoh purer than could be preserved in vessels of any other kind, is fresh for the crew. On the western coast of Southern Asia, the bamboo furnishes all the materials for the construction of houses, at onoe pleasant, substantial and preferable to stone, whioh the frequently r*ourring earthquakes brine: down npon the heads of the owners. The faot that tho ham boo is hollow has made it eminently useful for a variety of purposes?it sorves as a measuro for liquid?, and if fitted with a lid and a bottom, trunks and barrels aie quite frequently made of it. Even small boats very often aro ma le of the largest trunks, by strength ening them with strips of other wood where needed. In ono day they ob tain tho height of several feet, and with tho aid of a mieroscopo their develop ment can bo easily watched. But the most remarkable feature about the bam boo is their blossoming. With all this rapidity of growth they bloom only twice in a century, the flower appearing at tho end of fifty yoars. Like other grasses, they dio after having borne seed. The highest of tho bamboo is tho Satnmot. In traots whore it grows in the greatest porfeotion, it sometimes rises to the height of one hundred feet, with a stem only eightoon inches in diameter at tho base. Tho wood itself is only an inch in thiekuefip. ?A Hhreveport editor, botng asked wether Byron wrote a certain line, re plied that ho could not say that Byron wrote it, as ho did not oeo him write it, but tho line was to bo found in ono of Byron's poems. Evidently something had happened to teach that editor oau Mon The Fate of Old Women Among the Colorado River Indians. The life of an Indian maiden is blithe and merry for a few years, bnt when she becomes a wife she is soon broken down with tho pains of motherhood and the heavy labors which fall to her lot, and sho soon becomes wrinkled, garru lous, oross, kcold ing, in fact an old hag. Of oourso such hags aro not pleasant company in camp, and in the belief of the Numa such old hags grow uglier and meaner until they dry up and whirlwinds carry them away, when they are transformed into witches ; and lest such a fate should befall old women, they are taught that it is their duty to die when they are no longer needed, and if they do not die by natural means in reasonable time, they must commit snioide. This they seem very willing to do rather than to meet that terrible fate of being transformed into witches and being compelled to live in snake skins, nnd wriggle about among the rocks, their only delight being to repeat the words of passers-by in mockery. I once saw three old women thus voluntarily starving themselves. I rode up to what was almost a deserted camp, the three old women only remaining, sitting by the Are and intently gazing into the embers. They seemed to heed not my approaoh, but sat there nnmbling and groaning until they rose, oaoh dragging up her weight with a staff, and then they joined in sidewise, shuffling, tot tering, senile dance around the fire, propped up by their staffs, and singing a doleful song. Having finished which, thoy sat again on their heels and gazed into the fire, and I rodo away. On com ing to tho - new camp of the tribo the next day, and inquiring of Ohui-at-au um-poak, their chief, why these women wero left behind and what they were doing, I was informed they had deter mined to commit suicide, fearing lest they should be transformed into witches. The " Scalpers" and their Trade. - A new and thrifty trade seems to have lately sprung up in various parts of the country in the shape of selling railroad tickets at second-hand. It is no id that there are now some forty offices in this country where tickets over any road, leading from tho city in which the office is located, may be'bought at rates lower than the company's. No partiality is shown. This is now it works, tickets of every road being on hand : A person in New York wishing to go to Cincinnati can buy a ticket for $20. Because of rvnmi-u-' if.Inn. Sol l.inlr,\t friii'n Nam Yo-L- lr> Chicago, via Cincinnati, can be had for $22. The fare from Oinoinnati to Chi cago is $9. Suppose the Chicago ticket is purchased, the holder of it is not com pelled to visit Chicago. On reaching Cincinnati he stops. He has paid out $2 more than he need to have done, but he has in possession a ticket whioh at any time will take him to Chicago, and which is thus equivalent to $9. An office in Cincinnati will pay him $7 for tnis ticket, and await a purchaser as $8. Again : Tickets are often purchased at the offices of railroad companies, whioh, for unseen reasons, are not used, and these come in to swell the business of the brokers' offices._ ? A Newspaper trom the Ark. "Mount Ararat has been enoronched upon by journalistic enterprise, and a newspaper, Whiffs from Ararat, has been established by the Americau pil grims at the very foot of the mountain. This paper contains somo carious and interesting looal topics, quotes tho price of girls as wives in tho Armenian villages, varying from ?2 to ?10, and discusses tho peasant notion that tho world rests on a large ox, whioh, being irritated by a fly, tosses its head and thus causes earthquakes, and the belief of the natives in the neighborhood of tho mount that impassable barriers sur round Ararat to prevent its being dese crated by mortal feet, while angele keep guard on the summit lest one piece of the indestruotible wood of the ark should be borne away. Oape Coast BuUs. The most curious relic of tho Ashan teo campaign brought home by the new ly-returned troops is a Cape Coast bull, a perfect kitten of the speoies. Ho is described as not so tall as an umbrella, and, judging from his build and activi ty, might be as safely trusted to peram bulate the fragilo groves of a orcckf rv warehouse as the most dooile dog. He was allowed to bo loose on tho deck, and was the pet and plaything of the crew, who teased him until he ran nt and butted them as the goat does. Twelve of these animals were shipped as fresh food on tho voyage, and somo idea may be formed of this representa tive Lilliputian "livobeef," when it is stated that of the eleven that wero killod not ono exceeded forty-sovon pounds in weight ns a dressed carcass. The Cradle of our Fashions. Tho word " milliner" is derived from tho namo of "Milan." Millinery for somo centuries was synonymous with, fine dress-goods of Milan manufacture. It is still the moRt fashionable city in Italy, and is the center of its silk busi ness. From 1505 till 1859, Milan and Lombardy wore ruled over and plun dered, first by the Spaniards, next by the Anstrians, then for a time by the French, and after them again by the Austrians, until liberated by tho ba'tle of Magenta, which restored it to the Italians. The wealth and beauty of tho city, and tho wonderful fertility of the surrounding country, havo always rendored it an object of oupidity and longing dosire to foroign powers. Tim young lady who mistook a bo tie of muoilago for hair oil has been too ?stuok up" to go to any parties since. FAOTS AND FANCIES. ?A Boston man boldly declares that if he couldn't get out of Philadelphia any other way he would cheerfully crawl into a mortar and be shot out of it. ?" I wonder i? it's eea-siokness that makes sailors always a heaving up an chors 1" exclaimed Aunt Hepzibah, as sho looked thoughtfully up from heir morning paper. ' ?A dead body found in tho Missis sippi is feelingly alluded to in the looal columns of the St. Lrouis press as "an other floater found." ?A little -boy of our acquaintance a few days ago, after attentively watch ing a conple of industriously inolined bugs, remarked that even the bugs had got to playing marbles. ?" Now, Sammv, toll me, have yon read the story of Joseph ?" " Oh, yes, uncle." "Well, then, what wrong did they do when they sold their brother ?" "They sold him too cheap, I think." ?A peddler calling on an old lady to dispose of some goods inquired of her if sho could tell him of any road on whioh no peddler had traveled. "Yes," replied she, " I know of one, and that'B the road to heaven." ?Out of one hundred and eighty-two boys in the Connecticut reform school, the superintendent reports thnt one hun dred and eighty are liars. The proposal now is to educate the entire, lot of 'em for the profession of the law.' ?An elderly clergyman of Chicago, when asked the other day why he had never married, replied that he had spent his lifetime in looking for a woman who would refrain from working him a pair of slippers, and he had never found her. ?Walt Whitman's odo to tho St. Louis bridge : Lo! a bridgo at St. Louia! Stretched from tho bivnga of multiplioatod boor kogri, Already overpassed t>y foot that could oof bo excelled in Chicago (which ho waa an olopban?). Star-joyed with tbo multitudin'oua expecta tions of tho whereas and wherefore-. For it Btring serpent lined myriads And lightning girded monatroBitloa of all kinds. Down through tho anti-Bpaumodio whirls of catolopaioa, Dumfounding, bamboozling all, oven tho Hera after, In an unmitigated extension of tho culmina tion of Gunduraugo. ?A La Crosse editor has a new pair of pants with a pistol "poekot, and he wants to know what to do with that pocket. He is afraid of a pistol, -the rrn-mrTTrii ? iii.i. I r ^*V. t.o*Kj~ arjft .-nt?r~ hankerohief is also used as a coat sleeve. ?Joseph Arch proposes to bring over 71,000 English laborers and let them know what liberty is, but Joseph had better make arrangements .for their bread and butter before theyv1 land. Three square miles of -freedom won't go as far as a sandwich to a hungry man.?'? Detroit Free Press. ?A person wants to be careful, of course, but where in tho crown of one's hat can ono And room for a slip contain ing directions for tho treatment of a drowning man, a oompendinm ot rules for .avoiding hydrophobia, a firing of re medies for sunstr. ke, and one's fire alarm card ? Nobody but a paper hanger could do the job well. ?An Illinois paper says : " Mr. A. [ W. Sheltan came into this oflico tho other day with, ono side of his face ba 1 ly swollen and one eye'greatly inflamed, . caused, as he says, by tho poison of a potato bug. He struok a bug with a piece of lath, and somo of tho "juice" struok his face near his eyelid. Two Ehysicians attending him consider tho ng mnoh more powerful as a blistering agent than Spanish flies. ?A Burlington, Iowa, board of trade man got into trouble by letting his busi ness weigh too hoavily on hie mind the other night. His wife heard him mur mur in his sleep, "Ella,, dear Ella," fondly and tenderly, and a? her name is Mehitable, Bhe woke him with tho bald end of the hair brush; and asked him; "Who?" "I was thinking of Ella Vator," the wretched man said calmly, and chuckled off* to nleep again. ?A young man, who had spent a lit tle of his own time and a great deal of his father's money in fitting for the bar, was asked, alter his examination, how he got along. "Oh, well enough." said he; "I answered ono question right." " Ah, indeed !" said tho old gentleman, with looks of paternal satis faction at his son's peculiar smartness ; "and what was it?" "They asked me what a qui turn action v:?" "That was a hard one, and you answered it correotly, did yju?" "Yes; I told them I did not know." ?On a oruise tho sailors saw a comet aud wero somewhat surprised and alarmed at its appearance. Tho hands met and appointed a committee to wait on the commander and ask his opinion of it. They approached him and said : " We want to ask your opinion, your honor." "Well, my boys, what is it about?" "Wo want to inquiro about that thing up there." " Now, bofore I i answer you, first let me know what you think it in 1" " Well, your honor, we have talked it all. over, and we think it is a star sprung a leak." ?"It is an exploded theory," says ono who speaks with knowledge, "that womon dress to ploaso tho men. They dress to ploaso or spito caoh other. Any girl of souso and experience knows that it in as easy to break a man's heart in a S2 muslin, neatly mado up, as it is in a 8500 silk costume made by a man-dress maker." It is, in faot, a great deal easier. Tho natural charm of a young girl is often destroyed by excessive dressing. Men liko Wasteful and not extravagant toilets; and the rivalry in dress among women is not to catch a beau, but to mortify an enemy.