Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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THE DOCTOR TOLD HER NERVOUSNESS WAS A SIGN OF OLD AGEJ THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY. S. C. By Lets Kiel* w. •« :$k t u'Vy vKi' **r A^CAAV^/ ViV.'* Jfcr ’ .» / V •* J I'jWVsVl* by Clark S. Hoot That he wont nave much of A BRAIN, p Was transplanted to A CANVASSING CREW- By POSEN And now he's a pinhead in Maine. r°J THEVf^E TOO LONG-AREN’T VOU COIMO TO HAVE THEM ALTEREOt THIS WAV I v v WONT HAVE TO SHINE MV SHOES- , By.WCK EiHhL MUTT AND JEFF <&( OUCRT YOU HIT AND RUN DRIVER/ I'LL BE OVER TDSeS M3U JUST AS SOON AS T SEE MV ■^DOCTOR/ r # i 1 MUTT-SOU RAN OVER MV FOOT AND I WANT FI FT V DOLLARS DAMAGES/ * • # . FlFTV DOLLARS FOR ^ JUST ONE FOOT? WHAT DO VOU THINK I AM- A MILLIONAIRE? By Bud Fisher / WHAT DO VOU THINK I AM — A< JITTER By Arthur Pointer "Guess who I sideswiped today, just as I was pulling out of a parking place?"" ufifit/ Jl*$ ^Ve re trying to compose a "recipe for happiness" for our philosophy class. The first ingredient is a boy— hut we can't think of anything else." TAKEN AT HIS WORD A man from a remote section of the country walked into the grocery store at the crossroads and an nounced to the owner that he had given up drinking. “So you've finally given up drink ing, have you?" asked the proprie tor. “Yes, suh,” was the reply. “I ain’t touched a drop in four weeks.” “Well, you deserve a lot of credit for that,” said the storekeeper. “That’s what I thinks, too,’’ said the mountain man. “And I was just goin* to ask you if you could trust me for some groceries.” Full House The inspector of tenement houses found fpur families living in one room. Chalk marks quartered the room for each family. “How’ve you been getting along here?’’ he asked. “Pretty good,” was the reply, “until the old lafly in Uie far cor ner began to take in boarders:” Oversight Foreman—“And what are you two fellows doing?” Political Job Holders—“We’re carrying these boaras over to that lumber pile.” Foreman—“But where are the boards?” Political Job Holders—“For gosh sakes, Sam, we’ve forgot the boards.” FLAT OK FLUSH? “Captain Columbus,’’ said a scared seaman on the Santa Maria, “if the world is really flat, like everybody says—” “Stop fretting,” interrupted Co lumbus impatiently, “I’m telling you the world isn’t flat.” “But what makes you so sure?” persisted the seaman. “If the world was flat,” returned Columbus, “where would I have gotten the money to make this trip?” Best Prescription Yet The driver reported to his doctoi that he was unable to sleep nights. The doctor got all his facts, then said: “Whenever you can’t sleep, take whiskey at intervals during the night.” “Will that help me to sleep, doc tor?” asked the driver. “It should,” replied the sawbones, “but if it doesn’t, it will at least make it a pleasure to be awake.” Coining Up Teacher (to little girl learning to write)—“But where is the dot over the i?” “It’s in the pencil yet!” A NEW DEAL The landlady brought in a plate ful of extremely thin slices of bread and butter, which rather dismayed her hungry men boarders. “Did you cut these, Mrs. Brown?” asked one. “Yes—I cut them,’’ came the stern reply. “Oh,” went on the boarder. “AD right—I’ll shuffle and deal! ” Point of Truth Criticism is one of the few things most people would rather give than receive. THE STRANGEST FRUIT Two hillbillies were ma-klng their first trip on the train and a news vender came through, selling, among other things, bananas, which the hillbillies had never seen before. They de cided to try one apiece and one of them, faster than the other, had his impeded and took a bite out of it while the other one was still closely examining his. Just then the train plunged into the darkness of a tunnel and the first hillbilly screamed: “Don’t touch it, Zeke! I just took one bite and it struck me blind!” Seen and Heard “Mother,” asked the little one, on the occasion of a number of guests being present at dinner, “will the dessert hurt me, or is there enough to go round?” Philosophy A woman can henpeck her hus band. But she can’t make him act as polite to her as he does to other women. FIRST AID to the AIUNQ HOUSE BY ROGER C. WHITMAN White Painted Walls Turned Yellow QUESTION: What can be done to keep walls that are going to be painted white, from; turning yel low? My white painttd walls have always turned yellow or have dis colored. Would putting bluing (laundry blue) or else some blue paint in with the white paint pre vent this discoloration? How much should I use in each gallon of paint? ANSWER: A good grade of paint should not turn yellow or discolor. X believe you bought an inexpen sive grade. I would not advise using laundry blue. If you wish to add a small amount of blue paint to the white, it should be perfectly all right, and might help to give a good white effect. But do not at tempt to mix the paint yourself. Ask your paint dealer to mix it for you in his mechanical mixer. If you try it yourself, add very small quantities of color in oil and thoroughly stir each amount, un til you get the desired shade. GOTACOLD TAKE fur last symptomatic RELIEF EMPTY MEDICINE CHEST- NO CONSTIPATION EITHER **15 yean ago our medicine cheat was full of laxatives of one kind or another. Then we tried eating ALL BRAN regularly. No constipation since!” Sam Waters, Route 4—Box 29, Renton, Wash. Just one of many unsolicited let ters from ALL BRAN users! If yon need help for con stipation due to lack of bulk, simply eat an ounce (about H cup) of crispy ALL-BRAN daily, drink plenty of water! If not com pletely satisfied after 10 days, return empty carton to Kellogg s, Battle Creek, Mich. GET DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACKI Buy U.S. Defense Bonds! 'guaiakthd' RUST-STAINS IATHTU1S, SINKS. Till, M!TAlS,RANGtS AT •NOCiNT, NAKDWAM. DIPT. —4 10c SIOMS | RNSTAIM PROMOS, lac, >40 L ISt St., M. 1 »T Housework | Easy Without Whan kidney function riows down, i folks complain of naninc backache, lorn off S ip and energy, headache* and diuina«. on’t suffer longer with these discomforts If reduced kidney function is gettint you down—due to such common causes aa straaa and strain, over-exertion or exposure to cold. Minor bladder irritations due to cold, dampness or wrong diet may cause getting up nights or frequent pa—got Don’t neglect your kidneys if these condi tions bother you. Try'Doan’* Rills—a mild diuretic. 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