The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, March 09, 1951, Image 7
$
SUNNYSIDE
by CJork S. How
THE OLD GAFFER
By day Hunter
BESSIE
THAT WAS A ^ (VEH.BUT HERE
SWELL TELEVISION )> COMES THE
SHOW,BESSIE-y/ COMMERCIAL,
.AND I HATE
THEM/
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By WCK PfNN
MUTT AND JEFF
CHECK LOOKS
S^MEO^E f^^' 1
TO tPENTlFyA JNDENTIFVJ/
vou// V me./.
BUT I DON'T VOH.PARDONME/fHOW DO V
KNOW YOUR \ I SHOULD'VE I \/oU DO, \
FRIEND. MUTT) INTRODUCEDJ QASHIERI
if 1111*5 1*5 1 *
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'VOU/ THIS IS
AUGUSTUS
MUTT/ MUTT,
MEET THE
CASHIER /
SAV, WILL
VOU CASH
MV CHECK?
BUT I DONT KNOW Y MV
YOU LONG ENOUGHjjFRlEND,
you'll HAVE TO (7 JEFF,
GET SOMEON
TO IDENTIFY,
-^VOU/
<7
WILL
IDENTIFY
ME/
BUT r
DON'T
KNOW
YOUR
FRIENDL
YOU TWO MET BE
FORE/ THIS IS
MV FRIEND,
JEFF// WELL,
THAT
WE'RE ALL
ACQUAINTED
LET'S GET
DOWN TO
BUSINESS/
T
JITTER
By Arthur Pointer
WYLDE AND WOOLY
By Bert Thomas
“ NO, THE CAT HASN'T GOT MY TONGUE/
I'M TRYING TO THINK OF AN ANSWER
THAT'S AS STUPID AS THE QUESTION/*
ufiM/
" HV&
U ' WHAT DO YOU AAEAH 'HOW WOULD I
< LIKE MONTGOMERY CLIFT AS A SON-IN-
LAW'? — I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM/*
The patient had developed an
alarming temperature and was per
spiring profusely. The doctors who
had been having a discussion on
the question of fees at one corner
of the room, came forward and re
marked about the rapid change that
had taken place in the patienfs
condition. The patient, raising him
self with an effort, addressed him
self to the gathering and said, “If
you would kindly conduct your de
bating on the matter of fees out of
earshot, I am sure I would take an
immediate turn for the better.’*
'Twas Too Good
Poking about in a public library
last week, a young lady ran across
a book that aroused her immediate
and intense interest when, on the
the title page, she encountered this
encouraging assurance:
HOW: To Reach Men
To Hold Men
To Teach Men
To Win Men
It Has Been Done
Unfortunately she was consider
ably let down by a clump of type
at the bottom of the page: “Tells
How to Run Your Bible Class. Pub
lished by the Sunday School
Times.”
WON'T TELL
“I want to know,” said the
woman, “how much money my hus
band drew out of this bank last
week.” •
“Sorry, madam,** answered the
man in the cage, “I can’t give you
that information.”'
“Well, aren’t you the paying
teller?” she persisted.
“Yes, madam,” he replied, “but
I’m not the telling payer.”
Doable or Nothing
An efficiency expert walked into
an office and asked the first clerk
he met, “What do you do here?”
“Nothing,” answered the clerk.
The efficiency expert nodded,
made a note, then asked a second
clerk, “And you; what’s your Job
here?”
“I don’t do a thing either.”
“H-m-m-m,” said the efficiency
expert, “duplication.”
GOOD QUESTION
A father was teaching his small
daughter to tell time.
“These are the hours, these are
the minutes, and these are the
seconds,” he said, pointing them
out.
The small girl looked puzzled.
“Where sfre the ‘Jiffies?’ ” she
inquired.
Fooled Him
“So you and Charlie are married.
I thought all the time it was Just
going to be a flirtation.”
“So did Charlie!”
Not Up to Par
A still-scared caddy reports that
he was standing peacefully on the
golf course when suddenly the ty
coon for whom he was laboring
blazed away at him out of the sand
trap. “What am I doing this for
anyway? I don’t have to do this
sort of thing. I’m a wealthy man.”
Opportunity
New York’s Chambord restaurant
placed this want ad: “Authentic
French hat-check girl for top
French restaurant Excellent chance
for advances.”
LUCK IS RELATIVE
A traveler strolled op to a
fisherman. “Having any lack?”
“Pretty good,” replied the
angler, “I haven't had a bite In
three hoars.
“What’s so gooi about that?”
asked the amazed traveler.
“You see that gay over there?
Well, he hasn’t had a bite In six
hours.”
Wrong Corn
Betty Hutton was sent to repre
sent her studio at a religious con
vention while she was making per
son appearances in the South to
ballyhoo a new musicaL
“I think I made one slight er
ror," she reported in mortification.
when she came back to the hotel.
“One of the ministers asked if I’d
like some more corn—and without
thinking, I handed him an empty
glass.”
No Time for Gossip
A young lady guest at a hotel call
ed a friend on the telephone.
“Mary,” she said, “do come right
over. I have the most exciting news,
but I can’t tell you now. You know
that hotel operator always listens
in.”
“How dare you make such an ac
cusation,” a third voice cut in.
“I’ll have you know that I’m too
busy to interest myself in other
people’s conversations.”
Rich Impression
Mrs. Suburb had left her watch
with the jeweler for repairs and a
few days later went downtown with
her husband to pick it up. Mr.
Suburb waited in the car while his
wife entered the store. In a few
minutes she came out.
“Get your watch?*’ he asked.
“No,” she replied.
"Why not? Wasn’t it ready?”
“No, it wasn’t that,” replied Mrs.
Suburb, “but Mrs. Van Swagger
was in there buying pearls, so I
just inquired how long it would take
to clean a diamond tiara and left”
LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Professor: “Mr. Jones, I hate to
tell you but your son is a moran.”
Jones: “Where is he? 1*11 teach
that young pup to join a fraternity
without consulting me.’*
HI, Bo!
According to Mark Hellinger a
footsore, hobo was walking along a
highway thumbing his nose at the
cars speeding by. In time, another
hitchhiker coming from the other
direction spotted him in some
amazement.
“Hey, bud,” he cried when they
met, “what’s the idea of thumbing
your nose like that? You’ll never
get a ride that way.”
The member of the willingly un
employed made a cynical gesture.
“Who cares?” he shrugged. “This
Is my lunch hour.”
Insomnia
“You know,” she said confiden
tially, “I think of all the nasty things
I’ve said during the day before I
go to sleep at night”
“Darling,” he murmured, “how
can you get along on so little
sleep?”
GOOD OLD DAYS
In a sidewalk cafe in Munich, two
Germans sat sipping third-rate
beer. Sighed one, “Ah, the good
old days! Do you remember the
fine food and liquor, the warm
house, the soft bed, the easy work,
the newest movies, no worries at
all?”
“Ja, Ja,” agreed the other.
**Naturlich, I do. Do you think we’ll
ever have the opportunity to be
prisoners of war in America again?”
Any Better Answer?
“I’ve never heard t man talk so
fast in my life.”
“Why shouldn't he? His fathey
was a tobacco auctioneer and his
mother was a woman.”
Scientific Reason
“My poor fellow,” said the would-
be reformer to the alcoholic, “When
did you take to liquor? Was it after
your divorce?” “Oh, no,” was the
reply “it was after I had seen a
drgp of water under a microscope.”
SAFETY FIRST
When Tommy came home from
school with a swollen eye and
bruised lips, his mother said
reproachfully, “Oh Tommy! Have
you been In another fight?**
“I was just keeping a little
boy from being beat np by a
bigger boy/’ he replied.
“Well, that was brave of yon,
dear. Who was the'little boy?”
“Mo, Mommy.”
Sew These for Your Tiny Tots
LTtRMD
GENERATION GENERATION
LANE'S PILLS
has Used
Cut In >«»if for small children
They er<
ere small and easy to
Far REGULARITY
And PROMPT ACTION a
BUY TODAY
Keep them te
edlc
Aha MaSlelna CaMaeA
v a
Wafer
Crystal’s
aive y»« fl* 1 **- — -
aphamarsl raUaf
fram aarraasnass, lasamala, laas ef
appetlta, lack af anergy, aver IniaA-
ranee, whan axeeaa gastrie aelStty
and aanaAipntlan are eeatrlballng fan
te r a.
Satlafaetlea Gaaranteed.
At all drug stores,
CRAZY WATER CO., lac.. Mineral Walb, Tom
Simple To Make
TNAINTY LITTLE puffed sleeve
Hr* she
dress for small fry that fea
tures a scalloped yoke. Underwear
is included and there is a simple-
to-sew romper for brother.
e * e.
Pattern No. 1040 is a sew-rlte perfo
rated pattern for sizes 6 •months. 1, 2, 3,
years. Size 1. dress, 1% yards of 33 or 39-
Inch; slip, % yard; panties, % yard.
St Josaph
Sapvlorltjr af
spring and summer STYLIST
with id
filled with Ideas for e smart sprint
through-summer wardrobe. Special fea
tures. gift patterns printed inside the
book. Send 25 cents today.
Tablets
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
Ml Weal Adams Si., Chinage S, 111.
Please enclose 29 cents plus 8 cents
In coin for first-class mail In;
pattern desired.
Pattern Mo.
ling of each
•teesseseoooo
Si2C * e e • • a
FOR
MEATLESS
MEALS
To prevent bedroom curtains
from getting dirty and blown
around when you- open the win
dows before retiring of a winter’s
night, fold them out of the way
and secure them with pinch-type
clothespins. The pins can be
hidden on the windowsill back of
the curtajns during the day.
One of the most worrisome
things about traveling is riding
along in the train wondering
whether the stopper has come
out of the perfume bottle in your
suitcase. You can find other things
to worry about instead, though, if
you seal the bottle with nail polish
by smearing it around the stopper
and bottleneck. Candle wax will
accomplish the same purpose, but
nail polish looks better especial
ly if it’s colorless. Then, too, you
can remove It easily with polish
remover at your destination, and
you usually have some polish
along with you to seal the perfume
bottle up again for the return trij^.
Van~Camp*s^Spanuh Rice
appeals to all tastea with ita
true Spanish flavor. Deli-
cions itaelf... a happy com
bination with fish, shrimp.
HEAD COLD
WATSBY
MISERY
with FA$7 i-oaoa sction oa
PENETRO NOSE DROPS
Van Camp’s Teoderoni ia
different... lighter, whiter
thaw any other macaroni
product. Cooks in only 7
minutes. Needa no blanch
ing. Extra good with cheeae.
-Mmmmsm
US
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