Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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■*?. a- ■' ....... •• I- . .'--• v > t - — ■ sag ;: ; ' ’ •# — T“ ,». .. j. . — — VIRGIL Col ■ r-vr THE NEWBERRY Kleu $ ■ SUN. NEWBERRY. S. C. Was Too Close SUNNYSIDE Fj r M . COMCOM NOVA JOSV4, B poa by Clark S. Haas m BE GLAD WHEN YOU’RE DEAD The stranger brought his car to a halt, and addressed the tall, raw- boned cowboy leaning against the corral. “Does Big 'Joe live near here?” he asked. “Nope,” replied the cowpoke. “Well,” inquired the man, “wheie can I find his neighbor. Long Sam?” “I’m Long Sam,” drawled the cowboy. • ' “But,” protested the stranger, “they told me that Big Joe lived within gunshot of you!” “That’s right,” came the calm rejoinder 1 . “He did!” Bah! THE OLD GAFFER f WHERE ARE YOU GOING, LAD ? , Y ' By Pay Hunter S ^ \ f NO THANKS — fit WALK! /A/4 AIRPLANE/ ) — iS; y o S>:Vv \ ^ k BESSIE HEY ORSON, >OUR B V. - •• • ' ’•'•w J , "sure me POLLY CRACKER'? BlNJCKJZl HECK MO/ POLLY WANTS A STEEL RLE/ j ^ MUTT AND JEFF WHAT'S IN BAG, GOOD JOB NOW/ I GO AROUND AND COLLECT THE NICKELS KELS/ I GOTV 0 ^ IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR VOU/ HAV FINISHED COLLECTING FOR THE •DAVH- By Bud JITTER c^r By Arthur Pointer & WYLDE AND WOOLY G3 WANNA SELL FOR SUCH SKILLFUL HANOI- WORK, I AM PREPARED TO PAY $19.63. By Bert Thomas FIRST I WANT TO BE SURE ipspitilp Mmm • VA • ••.. XvXvXvXv// M I HAVE AN AGREEMENT WITH YOUR. WIFE TO SHOVEL THIS WALK. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO COT ME OUT OF THE JOB?* By upfif/ TT 'but ALVIM/ JUST 'CAUSE iVE BEEN SEEIN' GREGOR/ FOUR or FIVE NIGHTS A WEEK DOeSMT MEAN I DON'T UNE YOU ANYMORE/* ,.w~I ' • 1 President Roosevelt’s favorite story was about the commuter from Westchester County, a Republican stronghold, who always walked in to his station, handed the newsbcy a quarter, picked up the New York Herald Tribune, glanced at the front page and then handed it back as he rushed out to catch his train. Finally the newsboy, unable to con trol his curiosity any longer, asked his customer why he only glanced *t the front page. “I’m interested in the obituary notices,” said the customer. “But they’re way over on page 24, and you never look at them,” the boy objected. “Boy,” said the tycoon, “the I’m interested in will be on page one, all right!” Perfect Match Two ex-G.I.’s were discussing the forthcoming marriage of a buddy. “He’s getting a wonderfully ac complished girl,” said one of them. “She can swim, ride, dance, drive a car, and pilot a plane—she’s a real all-round girl.” “Yes* they should get along fine,” observed the other. “You remem ber^ Ben learned to cook in the Army.” In Debt A new father was looking over the babies through the plate glass win dow in the infant ward. Every baby there, it seems, was crying. “What’s the matter in there?” he asked the nurse. “If you were only a few days old, out of a joh end owed the govern- ment $2,500 you’d be bawling too,” replied the nurse. In a Jam A British jam factory having concocted a new conserve which they hoped to export in vast quanti ties to the United States, the ques tion rose at a directors’ meeting. What should it he called? After a profouhd silence in the board room, one director was heard to choke and then suggest, “Marshallade.” Wedding Talk Sue—Doesn’t the bride look stun ning? j Bill—Yes, and doesn’t the groom, look Stunned? ‘ TEMPERANCE The sun-baked cowboy swaggered into the saloon and through parched lips ordered the bartender to give his horse a bucket of his best whiskey. “And what’ll you have, stranger?” asked the bartender. “Nothin’,” shot back the dusty cowboy. * T’m drivin’ I * ’ CLOSE SHAVE An announcer asked Billy Southworth of the St Louis Cards whether he had shaved with a Gillette razor that morning (Gillette was sponsoring the World Series broadcast). South- worth’s startling reply was, “You know bloody well I did!” , Too Sick Old Lady: “Little boy, why aren’t you in school instead of going to the movies?” Little Boy: “Heck, lady, I got tho measles.” Auto-Metric Frankie’s auto Got a new fender, Ha bit a cow But didn’t bend 'or. •'** '.* > V-' f'v' -V. . NEEDLECRAFT PATTERNS Filet-* Simply Beautiful JL^ERE’S a real find! This filet- crochet square is so large thpt nine in heavy cotton make a stun ning 60x60-inch lunch cloth! Square is 13 inches ir No. 50 cot ton, 20 inches in heavy cotton. Pat tern 7467; charts; directions. Send TWENTY CENTS In coins for this pattern to (Name of your Publication) Needlecraft Service, P.O. Box 162. Old Chelsea Station. New York' 11. N. Y. Print plainly NAME. ADDRESS. ZONEr AND PATTERN NUMBER. Send TWENTY CENTS In coins for each pattern to (Name of Your Publica tion), Needlecraft. Dept.. P.O. Box 5740. Chicago 80. 111. Print plainly PATTERN NUMBER, your NAME and ADDRESS with ZONE. Gentle Hint Clerk: “To what do you attrib ute your early start in life, sir?” Executive: “Nothing but a good old-fashioned alarm-clock, young fellow—and I might say that a few people in this office might profit ably invest in one.** • * • Habit Hat Harry: “Say, why did you tip your hat to that dame that just passed—you don’t know her, do you?” Larry: “Nope, but Harold does and I borrowed his hat today. j ( piQ i. ipiRlI AT IT* BE SI SAFE, EFFECTIVE 2-WAY RELIEF FROM COUPS MISERIES Safe, rare for you and 'your child. Feel It* com fort a* you atari to rub, bringing effective 2-way relief. Penetroeaaea chest muscle tightness and aching soreness. 99 O Qu/c* Acting mm Sewing -Circle Needlecraft Dept. P. Q. Bex 5740, Chicago at. 111. er P. O. Bex I St, 014 Chelsea StaUon, New Yefk II. Y. Enclose 20 cents for pattern. Name Address ..•... Disagreement A district attorney objected to a lawyer calling the State’s evi dence “tainted testimony.” His objection was sustained by the judge, before whom the case is being tried. “The testimony isn’t tainted,” he declared. “ ’Tis,” replied the lawyer. “Tain’t,” voiced the judge. * * * Different Hotel Clerk: “How do you spell your name, sir?” Annoyed Guest: “Are you blmd? Can’t you see the register? It’s a name of distinction—not just like every other name.” Hotel Clerk: “Oh, yes, indeed, sir. I’m sure that’s why I couldn’t make it out.” < • FRIED SNOWDRIFT Serve* 'Em Sno^ift ^es Wed food* lighter -tastier^-digest&le! cmoWDRIFTS HAM AND EGO PANC ^J* * Good ZC 4 ^£^, Hk tGOtpOBtl Aolt * mi Ymth si Ut teaspoon p*PP«* Us cup Sour , .MKummm »*«• S^upienoverh- '*1 drift K •°Uf h £P ur £ ible.) Add 2 tbsp. TT—r PURE VEGETABLE MADE BY THE WESSON OIL ■* r v r : , r .." v ■ : .;V 'h v ■' A' For Stuffiness, You know —like millions of others —how wonderfully effective Vicks VapoRub Is when you rub it on. Now...here’s amazing, special relief when there’s much coughing or stuffiness, that “choked-up” feeling. It’s VapoRub in Steam ... and it brings relief almost instantly! Put 1 or 2 spoonfuls of VapoRub in a vaporizer or bowl of boiling water. Then — breathe in the soothing, medicated vapors. Every breath eases coughing soasms. makes breathing easier. And to prolong relief—nib VapoRub on throat, chest and back. Use it in steam ...Rub it on, tool VJCKS l J ..Ai i HAVE THE BEST IN BIRMINGHAM . . . Sp. . -ft- •• r ■ 1 . : Stay at Hotel .4 • " '&? ' t ‘i' T 4 - s . >■