Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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’I by Ooric S. Hoos .v.v.v. V.V.V.V.V V.V.VA*.V.V. LOOAC, / JT MUST BE HEART FAILURE// ^sMiasnEkpUBIL r.-.v.-.v.v.v.v. mmg^ V.V^AV/AV.V/.V.V SfcM By Clay Hunter 7 HEART FAILURE, NOTHIN' ) / TRIPPED OVER THIS \ DAD-BLAMED BEARD/ Tim Hurst was a powerfully built and two-fisted umpire in an era when only powerfully built and two-fisted umpires eould survive. Working behind the plate once when John McGraw of the Baltimore Orioles was at bat, Hurst jerked his arm upward in a called strike. McGraw snorted angrily. The um pire called a second one and the batter seethed even more. Then Hurst called the next pitch a ball. “You blind so-and-so!’* shrieked McGraw. “It was right where the other one was.” “Was It; Muggsy?” said Hurst, giving it to McGraw with every barrel. “Then it must have been a third strike and ye’re out!” | 4 — That's Why A woman in a grocery store was phocked by the. high price of apples. “They’re high all right, ma’am,” said the clerk. “But that’s because they’re so scarce.” “Why,” protested the woman, '’just this morning 1 read in the paper that there was such a bumper crop of apples that they’re rotting on the trees.” ' i *That’s just it, ma’am,” the clerk replied. “That’s why they’re scarce. It doesn’t pay to pick them.” Sil PROFESSIONAL SKILL ' !i BOUFORP *PA6B 12, COLUMNS— T NO, DO YOU HAVB net J HAVEN’T, ’ «,COLUMNS, fOUFOKO. £INMK ? Jf ANWAV, TNATS YKTSTOAVS Ftttt yarn keaom* y'f y ** ’.****••• r,, X> * ami.i rn • ■■t.;.. , uV, , ; u«iN , f^ MUTT AND JEFF ARE VOU OH A Diet, hutt? A LITTLF/ I'M \ KEEPING MYSELF IN PERFECT PHVSICAL SHAPE/ By Bud Fisher THIS MORNING I TOUCHED MV TOES TWENTY. TIMES WITHOUT / T DID BENDING MV f BETTER/ KNEES/CAN VOU DO THAT? JITTER WiEN THE YACHT CAME ABOUT. FITTER COT IN THE WAV OP THE BOOM AND WAS SWffPT OVERBOARD MBANWHILB ON A N6AR0V PISH TUG .. SURE'N BESORRY, THE I N*T IS LIRE LEAD. ' V I RECKON WE? A AM I « gM THINGS. T§\lS IT TH' SEE IN’ PAT Oft LIKES OP By Arthur Pointer WYLDE AND WOOLY I WONDER IF IT'LL SHOOT AS WELL AS A BOW AN'ARROW. By Bert Thomas INDIAN GIVER/ HONESTY BEST DEFENSE \ \ I / $,v SURE, l've THOUGHT OF IT, BUT PO JO REALIZE HOW MUCH IT COSTS TO A PONY ? * * 11 ; ,m Vi f&L; l\ fsfifif/ " I'M GLAD TO GEE ELLEN GET A DATE ONCE IN A WHILE GO LONG AS IT'S ONLY ONCE IN A WHILE/ ♦ > WORTH THE PRICE An old sailor had retired from the sea. Each morning, a young lad knocked at his door, went In and came right out again. Finally, curiosity overcame the neighbors. One stopped the boy and asked. “Why do yon visit the old sailor every morning?” The boy replied, “He gives me a dime a day to come to his house and say, "The captain wants to see yon immediately.* Then he roars, ’Tell the captain to go to Mazes.’ ** . Good Example Math. Instructor—“What do we mean when we say the whole is greater than any of its parts?” Stude—“A restaurant doughnut.” . ■. ; | ; ,‘4" HI A half-dressed man was looking desperately up and down the hall in a prominent hotel in Detroit. Pathetically he called to a guest who was going by. “Can you tie a dress tie, sir?” “Why, yes,” he said very som berly. “Would you mind helping me out. These things lick me.” “Glad to do it.” . „ They entered the room, and the passerby asked the other to lie down on the bed. “Why do you want me to lie down?” the first man said. “Can’t you tie it with me standing?” “Sorry, sir, I can't. I’m an under taker and that’s the only way I caij do it” No Encouragement Actor Sir Cedric Hardwicke lis tened while a man told a long story. But the man spoke so in distinctly and muffed his punch line so badly that the story wasn’t funny. “Why did you laugh?” a friend asked Hardwicke afterward. “I always do,” the actor replied. "If you don’t laugh, there’s dan ger of their telling it over again.” Takes Time Henry Guy Carleton, the journal ist and playwright, had an impedi ment in his speech. Meeting a friend one day, he asked. “C-c- can you g-g-give m-m-me f-f-fif- teen m-m-minutes?” “Certainly, What is it?” “ I w-w-want to have a f-f-five m-m-minutes’ c-c-conversation with you.” POLICY MAKERS,. Labor Sect. Tobin, Mobiliser Symington, Defense Chief Marshall mm MASTER SERGEANTS RECEIVE BATTLEFIELD COMMISSIONS , . . Nine master sergeants of the United States army receive battle front commissions as second lieutenants somewhere in Korea. Left to right, front row: Patrick J. Stonewall, Stanley, N. D.; Clifford D. Hamrick, Colnmbns, Ga.; Curtis B. Ezell, Portland, Ore.; Paul Guzniczak, Carnegie, Pa.; and John R. Stodin, Mora, Minn. Second row: Arthur Smith, Wayne, Me.; Kenneth H. Smith, Long Beach, Calif.; Virgil L. Ward, Lenoir City. Tenn.; and Milton G. Kitchens. Sandy Springs. Okla. ' The driver was up for negligent manslaughter. He had been in court seven times before. “This is your eighth offense” said the judge. “The court has been lenient before, but I hope you understand what your situation is now?” “Yes, your honor” replied the driver, meekly. “Where’s your lawyer?” asked the judge. “I don’t have one, your honor” replied the hapless driver. “This is so serious, I decided the best thing to do would be to tell the truth.” m TRANSPORT ARRIVES WITH 241 WAR CASUALTIES ... A military sea transport service v< arrived in San Francisco with 241 wounded army and air force personnel from the Korean war theat It was the first sizeable group of wounded men to reach this country and the first to arrive by water-1 transport. Previously, the wounded were flown to the bay area. The 241 were taken from the ship as t as docking was completed and removed to Letterman hospital and the Presideo. Here are a group •recessed at Crissy field, near San Francisco. ' .