The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, May 06, 1949, Image 7
*
THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C.
WHILE it pidmt exactly prime me to tears
I'LL AGREE IT WAS SAP — THE SADDEST'
EXAMPLE OF A MOVIE I'VE SEEM (M TEARS/*
'WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT<5 CONGRESS
DOING ABOUT THE SHORTAGE OE MEN / *
MUTT AND JEFF
By Bud Fisher
REG’LAR FELLERS
By Gene Byrnes
MUST YOU SPEMU EVERT
penny on candy or gum
Cft MOVIES’ WHY DONYCHA
TRY SAVIN' IY SOMETIME ?
SUNNYSIDE
by Clark S. Haas
VIRGIL
INFACT- IF I EVER CATCH
YOU WITH DOMNA I'LL
BLACKEN VR EVES
flatten vr nose
AND PUSH IN V'R
TEETH *«
GRANDMA
4
By Charles Kuhn
Turn About
A minister, rather notevl for hi*
close calculations, also operated a
small farm in Vermont.
One day he observed his hired
man sitting idly by the plow, as his
horses took a needed rest. Thi*
rather shocked the good man’s
sense of economy. After all, he
was paying the man 75 cents an
hour. So he said, gently but re
proachfully, "John, wouldn’t it be
a good plan for you to have a pair
of shears and be trimming these
bushes while the horses rest?’’
’’That It would,” replied John
agreeably. “And might I suggest,
your reverence, that you take a
peck of potatoes into the pulpit
and peel ’em during the anthem.’*
LOTS OF WATER
A Maine farmer and his wife were
macing their first visit to Califor
nia. They took a sight-seeing tour
along the shore of the Pacific and
seemed quite impressed with it
“You know, Sam," his wife ob
served, “the Pacific Ocean is twice
the size of the Atlantic.”
The farmer shaded his eyes from
the sun and gazed critically out to
ward the horizon.
“Yeah,” he nodded, reluctantly,
“I guess it is, at that.”
CAREFUL LADIES
Three old maids decided to
be reckless and have a gay
time. So they chipped In and
bought a car and started ont.
They saw a tavern and went
in.
“What’ll yon have?” asked the
bartender.
*T’I1 risk it. I’ll have sarsapar
illa,” said the first.
“I’ll risk it too. I’ll have
sarsaparilla,” said the second.
“And I’ll have sarsaparilla,
too,” said the third.
“Oh, no,” declared the other
two old maids. “Yon stick to
milk. Remember you’re driv
ing."
Dual Personality
Two little boys were discussing
their Sunday-school lesson.
"Do you believe in the Devil?”
asked one.
“Naw!” said the other. “The
Devil is the same as Santa Claus.
It’s your father!”
The Only Way
A teacher was conducting a clast
in grammar. She went to the black
board and wrote—I ain’t had no fun
this winter.
“What should I do to correct
that?” she asked.
“Get a boy friend,” said a pupil
No Vacancy
Two wives were talking.
“We have a new five-room
house,” said one, "and we fur
nished one room with soap cou
pons.”
“Just one room? What about the
others?”
‘They’re full of soap.”
So Considerate
Sailor: “Don’t bother me. I am
writing to my girl friend.”
Marine: "But why are you writ
ing so slowly?”
Sailor: “She can’t read very
fast."
HOW ELSE?
I took my small son to the gro
cery store the other day and as us-
usal he wanted to buy everything in
sight.
He said: "Mamma, let’s buy some
bird seed.”
I could understand his requests
for candy bars and jelly and cookies,
but this had me stumped.
“What in the world do you want
with bird seed?” I asked.
“Want to plant it,” was the reply.
*But what for?” I persisted.
-So wa can grow some birds."
Fair Proposition
Jones was hard up. He had gone
North on business, and found him
self stranded. So he put through a
trunk call to Smith.
“Hello,” he asked, “is that
Smith?”
“Yes.”
“I say. old man, I’m in a fix.
I’m stranded up here without any
money. Can you wire me a fiver?”
“Sorry, Jones, I can’t hear you.”
“I say I’m up here-^-no cash. Can
you lend me a fiver?”
“Can’t catch a word. Say it
again.”
“I — tell — you — I’m — strand
ed — up — here — without — any
—money. Can — you — wire — me
—a—fiver?”
“There must be something wrong
with the line. Can’t get the sense
of it at all Don’t you think . . . ”
At this stage the operator chipped
in: “There’s nothing wrong with
the linf. I can hear the caller
distinctly.’ ’
“Oh, can you?” said Smith.
"‘Then you lend him the fiver.’’
THAT PROVES IT
“Why do you think you are qual
ified for the diplomatic corps?”
Applicant: “Well, I’ve been mar
ried 20 years and my wife still
thinks I have a sick friend.”
Definite
Little Elsie has reached the ag>.
where she has begun to observe and
reflect upon the manners and con
duct of her elders.
The other day a friend asked,
“Elsie, bow old is your Aunt Mar
tha?”
The youngster considered the
query briefly, then replied, “Well,
I don’t know exactly, but a cup of
tea rests her.”
Yeah, When?
Social Outcast: “Say, doc, do you
remember last year when you cured
my rheumatism? You. told me to
avoid dampness.”
M. D.: “That’s right. What’s
wrong?”
S. O.: “Well, can I take a bath
now?”
Nobody Listens
Theodore Hook, the famous prac-
tlcal joker, held with the contention
that people don’t pay much atten-
tion to what others say on many
occasions.
On a bet he greeted his hostess at
a party by saying: “I’m sorry to be
late, but it took me longer to stran
gle my uncle than I expected.”
“Yes, indeed,” replied the lady,
"so nice of you to have come.”
His friend gasped and paid up.
FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS
A boss had to lay off an Irishman
named Pat. To avoid argument, he
put the discharge in writing. A
week later, in passing through the
shop he saw Pat back on his job.
Going to the Irishman, he de
manded fiercely.
"Did you get my letter?”
“Yis sur Oi did,” said Pat
“Did you read it?”
“Sure Oi read it inside and out
side. On the inside ye said I was
fired and on the outside ye said,
‘Return to Baldwin Locomotive
Works in five days’.”
STEADY PAL
It was in the small hours of
the morning. A befuddled gen
tleman was fumbling for the
keyhole. Seeing his difficulty,
a kindly policeman came to the
rescue. “Can I help you find the
keyhole?” he asked.
“Won’t be necessary," said
the other cheerfully. “You jus’
hold the house still and I can
manage.”
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS
AFTERNOON STYLE FOR MATRONS
TWO-PIECER WITH YOUNG LINES
Flattering Frock
pXPERTLY designed afternoon
" frock to flatter the slightly
heavier figure. The side closing is
finished in soft scallops, sleeves
can be brief or wrist length.
Pattern No. 1881 is a sew-rite perfo
rated pattern designed for sizes 36, 38.
40, 42, 44, 46. 48, 50 and 52. Size 38, cap
sleeves, 5 7 /8 yards of 35 or 39-inch.
Send today for your copy of the Spring
and Summer FASHION—64 pages of
style, color, easy to make frocks. Free
pattern printed inside the book. 25 cents.
Pretty for Juniors
YOUTHFUL, and pretty as can
* be is this two piecer for jun-,
iors. Note the keyhole neckline,
the pert flared peplum. Accent
with crisp white bands on sleeves
and peplum.
• • •
Pattern No. 8431 is a sew-rite perfo-
rated pattern designed in sizes 11, 12. 13,
14, 16 and 18. Size 12, 4% yards of 39-
inch; 1 yard contrast.
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
530 South Wells Si. Chicago 1, 111.
Enclose 25 cents in coins for each
pattern desired.
Pattern No.
Name
Address
.
A coat of good floor varnish ap
plied over painted floors will give
the paint a durable luster.
—•—
Water spots can often be re
moved from garments by rubbing
fabric between the hands after
spot has dried.
—•—
It isn’t necessary to remove the
purple stamping from meat be
fore cooking—stamping is made
with vegetable coloring and is per
fectly harmless.
—•—
Honey should be stored in a
tightly closed container in a
warm, dry place—cool tempera
ture causes crystallization. If
honey has crystallized, it can be
reliquefied by placing the contain
er on a rack in a pan of warm
water (do not boil water—this
darkens the honey).
—•—
Sliced bananas can be prevented
from turning black by sprinkling
or dipping them in grapefruit,
orange, lemon or pineapple juice.
—•—
Warm your clothespins in the
oven a few minutes before you are
ready to hang out your washing on
a chilly day: this treatment helps4-
keep fingers warm.
—•—
Rayon sharkskins garments iron
easier if put in the refrigerator for
a few hours before ironing.
—•—
Inlaid linoleum should be waxed,
not varnished.
—•—
Boots, galoshes, and rubbers
should be washed occasionally in
soap and water: this keeps up
their appearance and eliminates
their leaving ‘rings’ around stock
ings, trouser cuffs, etc.
/
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