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* THE NEWBERRY SUN, NEWBERRY, S. C. WHILE it pidmt exactly prime me to tears I'LL AGREE IT WAS SAP — THE SADDEST' EXAMPLE OF A MOVIE I'VE SEEM (M TEARS/* 'WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT<5 CONGRESS DOING ABOUT THE SHORTAGE OE MEN / * MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher REG’LAR FELLERS By Gene Byrnes MUST YOU SPEMU EVERT penny on candy or gum Cft MOVIES’ WHY DONYCHA TRY SAVIN' IY SOMETIME ? SUNNYSIDE by Clark S. Haas VIRGIL INFACT- IF I EVER CATCH YOU WITH DOMNA I'LL BLACKEN VR EVES flatten vr nose AND PUSH IN V'R TEETH *« GRANDMA 4 By Charles Kuhn Turn About A minister, rather notevl for hi* close calculations, also operated a small farm in Vermont. One day he observed his hired man sitting idly by the plow, as his horses took a needed rest. Thi* rather shocked the good man’s sense of economy. After all, he was paying the man 75 cents an hour. So he said, gently but re proachfully, "John, wouldn’t it be a good plan for you to have a pair of shears and be trimming these bushes while the horses rest?’’ ’’That It would,” replied John agreeably. “And might I suggest, your reverence, that you take a peck of potatoes into the pulpit and peel ’em during the anthem.’* LOTS OF WATER A Maine farmer and his wife were macing their first visit to Califor nia. They took a sight-seeing tour along the shore of the Pacific and seemed quite impressed with it “You know, Sam," his wife ob served, “the Pacific Ocean is twice the size of the Atlantic.” The farmer shaded his eyes from the sun and gazed critically out to ward the horizon. “Yeah,” he nodded, reluctantly, “I guess it is, at that.” CAREFUL LADIES Three old maids decided to be reckless and have a gay time. So they chipped In and bought a car and started ont. They saw a tavern and went in. “What’ll yon have?” asked the bartender. *T’I1 risk it. I’ll have sarsapar illa,” said the first. “I’ll risk it too. I’ll have sarsaparilla,” said the second. “And I’ll have sarsaparilla, too,” said the third. “Oh, no,” declared the other two old maids. “Yon stick to milk. Remember you’re driv ing." Dual Personality Two little boys were discussing their Sunday-school lesson. "Do you believe in the Devil?” asked one. “Naw!” said the other. “The Devil is the same as Santa Claus. It’s your father!” The Only Way A teacher was conducting a clast in grammar. She went to the black board and wrote—I ain’t had no fun this winter. “What should I do to correct that?” she asked. “Get a boy friend,” said a pupil No Vacancy Two wives were talking. “We have a new five-room house,” said one, "and we fur nished one room with soap cou pons.” “Just one room? What about the others?” ‘They’re full of soap.” So Considerate Sailor: “Don’t bother me. I am writing to my girl friend.” Marine: "But why are you writ ing so slowly?” Sailor: “She can’t read very fast." HOW ELSE? I took my small son to the gro cery store the other day and as us- usal he wanted to buy everything in sight. He said: "Mamma, let’s buy some bird seed.” I could understand his requests for candy bars and jelly and cookies, but this had me stumped. “What in the world do you want with bird seed?” I asked. “Want to plant it,” was the reply. *But what for?” I persisted. -So wa can grow some birds." Fair Proposition Jones was hard up. He had gone North on business, and found him self stranded. So he put through a trunk call to Smith. “Hello,” he asked, “is that Smith?” “Yes.” “I say. old man, I’m in a fix. I’m stranded up here without any money. Can you wire me a fiver?” “Sorry, Jones, I can’t hear you.” “I say I’m up here-^-no cash. Can you lend me a fiver?” “Can’t catch a word. Say it again.” “I — tell — you — I’m — strand ed — up — here — without — any —money. Can — you — wire — me —a—fiver?” “There must be something wrong with the line. Can’t get the sense of it at all Don’t you think . . . ” At this stage the operator chipped in: “There’s nothing wrong with the linf. I can hear the caller distinctly.’ ’ “Oh, can you?” said Smith. "‘Then you lend him the fiver.’’ THAT PROVES IT “Why do you think you are qual ified for the diplomatic corps?” Applicant: “Well, I’ve been mar ried 20 years and my wife still thinks I have a sick friend.” Definite Little Elsie has reached the ag>. where she has begun to observe and reflect upon the manners and con duct of her elders. The other day a friend asked, “Elsie, bow old is your Aunt Mar tha?” The youngster considered the query briefly, then replied, “Well, I don’t know exactly, but a cup of tea rests her.” Yeah, When? Social Outcast: “Say, doc, do you remember last year when you cured my rheumatism? You. told me to avoid dampness.” M. D.: “That’s right. What’s wrong?” S. O.: “Well, can I take a bath now?” Nobody Listens Theodore Hook, the famous prac- tlcal joker, held with the contention that people don’t pay much atten- tion to what others say on many occasions. On a bet he greeted his hostess at a party by saying: “I’m sorry to be late, but it took me longer to stran gle my uncle than I expected.” “Yes, indeed,” replied the lady, "so nice of you to have come.” His friend gasped and paid up. FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS A boss had to lay off an Irishman named Pat. To avoid argument, he put the discharge in writing. A week later, in passing through the shop he saw Pat back on his job. Going to the Irishman, he de manded fiercely. "Did you get my letter?” “Yis sur Oi did,” said Pat “Did you read it?” “Sure Oi read it inside and out side. On the inside ye said I was fired and on the outside ye said, ‘Return to Baldwin Locomotive Works in five days’.” STEADY PAL It was in the small hours of the morning. A befuddled gen tleman was fumbling for the keyhole. Seeing his difficulty, a kindly policeman came to the rescue. “Can I help you find the keyhole?” he asked. “Won’t be necessary," said the other cheerfully. “You jus’ hold the house still and I can manage.” SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS AFTERNOON STYLE FOR MATRONS TWO-PIECER WITH YOUNG LINES Flattering Frock pXPERTLY designed afternoon " frock to flatter the slightly heavier figure. The side closing is finished in soft scallops, sleeves can be brief or wrist length. Pattern No. 1881 is a sew-rite perfo rated pattern designed for sizes 36, 38. 40, 42, 44, 46. 48, 50 and 52. Size 38, cap sleeves, 5 7 /8 yards of 35 or 39-inch. Send today for your copy of the Spring and Summer FASHION—64 pages of style, color, easy to make frocks. Free pattern printed inside the book. 25 cents. Pretty for Juniors YOUTHFUL, and pretty as can * be is this two piecer for jun-, iors. Note the keyhole neckline, the pert flared peplum. Accent with crisp white bands on sleeves and peplum. • • • Pattern No. 8431 is a sew-rite perfo- rated pattern designed in sizes 11, 12. 13, 14, 16 and 18. Size 12, 4% yards of 39- inch; 1 yard contrast. SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT. 530 South Wells Si. Chicago 1, 111. Enclose 25 cents in coins for each pattern desired. Pattern No. Name Address . A coat of good floor varnish ap plied over painted floors will give the paint a durable luster. —•— Water spots can often be re moved from garments by rubbing fabric between the hands after spot has dried. —•— It isn’t necessary to remove the purple stamping from meat be fore cooking—stamping is made with vegetable coloring and is per fectly harmless. —•— Honey should be stored in a tightly closed container in a warm, dry place—cool tempera ture causes crystallization. If honey has crystallized, it can be reliquefied by placing the contain er on a rack in a pan of warm water (do not boil water—this darkens the honey). —•— Sliced bananas can be prevented from turning black by sprinkling or dipping them in grapefruit, orange, lemon or pineapple juice. —•— Warm your clothespins in the oven a few minutes before you are ready to hang out your washing on a chilly day: this treatment helps4- keep fingers warm. —•— Rayon sharkskins garments iron easier if put in the refrigerator for a few hours before ironing. —•— Inlaid linoleum should be waxed, not varnished. —•— Boots, galoshes, and rubbers should be washed occasionally in soap and water: this keeps up their appearance and eliminates their leaving ‘rings’ around stock ings, trouser cuffs, etc. / Keep Posted or Values By Readinc the Ads 7 DAYS WILL DO IT Kool'^zs* MAKES 10 BIG LZlQ^>j COLD DRINKS/^ / KOOl-^i 1 ■, YES, in just 7 days... in one short week ... a group of people who changed (rom their old dentifrices to Calox Tooth Powder aver aged 38% brighter teeth by scientific test. 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