The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, August 22, 1947, Image 7
THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY, S. C.
MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher
JITTER
By Arthur Pointer
VIRGIL By Len Kleis
By Jeff Hayes
Eternal Flames
A MINISTER was to conduct the
funeral of the town wastrel
whose life had been such that not
a great deal of good could be said
of him. Even his widow understood
that. Nevertheless, the pastor want
ed to say something on the compli
mentary side if he could, and it
occurred to him to scan the floral
wreaths with their cards of sym
pathy.
The man had been a volunteer
fire fighter and the hook-and-ladder
boys had sent a beautiful floral
piece. "This ought to have some
thing if any does,” the preacher
thought.
He was sadly disillusioned.
Worked neatly into the design in
red roses was this statement:
"Gone to his last fire.”
LOST SYMPATHY
"Does my practicing make you
nervous?” asked the saxophone
player.
"It did when I first heard the
neighbors talking about it,” said the
man next door, “but now I don’t
care what happens to you.”
On the House
A prominent Irishman was taking
a well-known Scotsman to dinner.
After a hearty meal the Irishman
led the way to the cashier. He told
her several jokes, and laughed until
she became confused.
Finally, she asked: "Did you pay
your check?”
"Oh yes, yes,” was his prompt
reply.
Turning to the Scot she asked him
the same question.
His reply was, “Yes, indeed, las
sie, I did and am waiting for my
change.”
Saving the Difference
Along a country road came a
$7,000 limousine. As it caught up
with the small car, the owner of the
big car could not resist the tempta
tion to slow down and heckle the
other driver a bit.
“Good gosh, man,” he said,
“what is it about your car that
makes such a dreadful rattling
sound?”
“That? Oh, that’s the $6,500 jin
gling around in my pocket,” said
the driver of the small car.
LARGE SCALE
The man from the Bronx was
wandering on the Sahara desert,
clad only in his underpants, when
he met an Arab.
“Where,” asked the Arab, "are
you going?”
"For a swim,” said the Bronxite.
"A swim, effendi?” was the as
tonished reply. “Why, the ocean
is 800 miles from here.”
The man from the Bronx blinked.
"Wow! Is dis a beach!”
Redecorating
A bum who had held out a bat
tered hat on the same corner for
months is standing in his accus
tomed spot, begging, but he has
a sign, “Business going on as usual
during alterations,” at which one of
his regular customers asks him how
come.
“Oh,” says be, “I’m having my
hat blocked.”
Repetitious
The guest had just signed the ho
tel register and the clerk was looking
at the name in some astonishment.
"C C C Carl C C C Carter,” he
read. "That certainly is an unusu
al name; must be a story back of
it”
"There is,” agreed the guest. “It’s
my real name. The clergyman who
christened me stuttered a bit.”
When Life Begins
The crystal gazer was address
ing one of his clients. “You will
be poor a fid unhappy until you
are 40.”
“And after that?”
“You’ll get used to it.”
Occupational Pains
While the symphony concert was
in progress the conductor noticed
that one of the violinists had an
expression of extreme pain on his
face. In great concern the maestro
stopped the orchestra to question
him. "Guido,” he said, “you ap
pear ill. Are you in pain?”
"No,” Guido replied sadly, “it’s
just that I don’t lika music.”
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERNS
j^or 'L^oung. Cjirli
^’avorite in livery. lAJarclro/>e
Party or School Dress
XX/'HAT young miss of 4 to 12
' could resist this dainty school
or party frock? Tiny ruffling
forms the yoke edging accented
with a saucy bow, a narrow belt
ties pertly in back.
v •
Pattern No. 8122 comes in sizes 4, 6, 8,
10 and 12 years. Size 6, 2 Vs yards of
35 or 39-inch; 1 yard purchased ruffling.
Don't miss the new Fall and Winter
issue of FASHION. It's brimful of smart,
easy-to-sew styles; fashion news; special
features. Free pattern printed inside the
book. 25 cents.
Practical Shirtwaister
■^OTHING tops the smart shirt-
^ waister for season after sea
son wearability. This practical
frock flatters every figure, takes
handsomely to almost any fabric.
• • •
Pattern No. 1600 is for sizes 14. 16, 18,
20; 40. 42, 44 and 46. Size 16. SVa yards
of 39-inch.
Send your order to:
SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN DEPT.
530 South Wells St. Chicago 7, m.
Enclose 25 cents in coins for each
pattern desired.
Pattern No..
Name
-Size-
Address-
£-t>-0-C'~0-.P-0-0-0-C'-0-0-0-0-C'-0-C‘- o-o-c
l ASK MS 7
ANOTHER [
The Questions
1. Which of the umpires is su
preme in major league baseball?
2. The community chest origi
nated in Denver in what year?
3. What ended the War of
Roses?
4. How many moons does Jupi
ter have?
5. What state has the most fish
ermen?
6. How big are the Statue of
Liberty’s eyes?
7. How did Pitcairn island get
its name?
8. Is Spanish moss a parasite?
9. What is the world’s largest
crop?
10. What was the largest purse
ever offered in a horse race and
what horse won it?
The Answers
1. The plate umpire.
2. The year 1888.
3. A wedding. Henry the VII
married Elizabeth, daughter of
Most Versatile Robot Could
Walk, Smoke, Count, Talk
The most versatile mechanical
man ever constructed was made
by an American and exhibited in
New York City in 1939-1940. Upon
a spoken command, this seven-
foot 260-pound robot would per
form any one of 26 actions such
as walk, smoke, count on his fin
gers and speak, using a vocabu
lary of 77 words. Most incredible
of all, his intricate electrical
mechanism — tubes, motors, re
lays, coils—contained no less than
24,900 miles of wire.
A quiz with answers offering ?
information on various subjects' |
7
Edward the IV, and thereby unit
ed the House of York, the "White
Rose” of the war, with the House
of Lancaster, the “Red Rose.” '
4. Eleven.
5. Michigan, which issued 904,-
557 licenses last year.
6. Each eye is 2Vi feet wide.
7. From Pitcairn, a midshipman
aboard Carteret’s ship, who first
saw the island in 1767.
8. No, while it grows only on
trees, it is an air plant.
9. Rice. It is eaten every day
by nearly half the people of the
world.
10. The $108,400 Santa Anita Han
dicap of 1935. Azucar won it.
fileAt jto Opp&duniJh^
Texans are famous for their loy
alty to their native state, and are
always ready with a good word for
it no matter where they are, to
-wit:
One of its sons was visiting the
East where he had occasion to at
tend the funeral of a man who
was thoroughly disliked in the
community.
At the services the minister,
who was new in the parish, called
upon someone to say a few words
about the deceased. A long and
significant silence ensued.
Finally, the true son of Texas
arose and said, “Well, since there
is no one present who has any
thing to say about our departed
brother, I’d like a few minutes to
tell you folks about Texas.”
Grandma
SPEARIN'...
IT’S TOO LATE to worry about
yesterday, and too soon to worry
about tomorrow.*
COUSIN IRMA sez what you use
for seasonin’ vegetables should be
real tasty by itself. That’s why
she uses Nu-Maid.
JV -1
FORGIVIN’ IS something you do
with your lips. Forgettin’ is some
thing you have to put your heart
into.*
SAKES ALIVE, when you see the
words “Table-Grade” on a pack
age of Margarine, ye’re sure it’s
top quality. Nu-Maid Margarine’s
Table-Grade, made ’specially fer
use on the table.
* $5
will be paid upon publica
tion to the first contributor of
each accepted saying or idea for
“Grandma Speakin'.’ r Address Nu-
Maid Margarine, Cincinnati 2, O.
Mtyj-MAOIO)
Table-Grade
MARGARINE
St.Joseph 1H
ASPIRINs^IUs
BUBBLE CHAMPS CHEW gUB
and parents approve this laboratory-pure,
foil-wrapped, quality bubble gum!
Jane Norris, crowned QUEEN BUB in recent contest,
ret betf ” “ - *’ ~
says: “I get tetter all the time with BUB.” And her
father, Mr. George Norria, says: "Jane has taught roe
to blow bubbles, f recommend the sport to every grown-
lin! I nlart Dim 7 I r• •
uuuuira. a recommend tne sport to every grov
up! I also recommend BUB for quality and purity!"
BUB meets all Pure Food require
ments! It’s made entirely in the U.S. A
—under the most sanitary conditions!
Ifyour dealer does not have BUB Bub
ble Gum, send us his name and address
along with your name and address unH
3<X and we will mail vou 5 packages of
delicious BUB Bubble Gum. This offer
good until Aug. 31,1947 only.
Championa like
Jane Norria aay:
Took for tho YtUow
Packagt with tho Big
Rod Lot ton!
iowman Oum, Inc, Philc, Pa.
MORE PEOPLE ARE SMOKIM
CAMELS,
.than ever before!
:\
Mrs. June Slocomb, Housewife, says:
"EXPERIENCE IS THE
BEST TEACHER! I TRIED
MANY BRANDS DURING THE
WARTIME CIGARETTE SHORTAGE
I LEARNED THERE'S NO
OTHER CIGARETTE LIKE
A camel!"