The sun. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1937-1972, April 18, 1947, Image 3
THE NEWBERRY SUN. NEWBERRY, S. C
WASTE OF TIME
A certain wealthy Chicago broker
Is writhing under a cruel blow. It
leerris that he fell in love with an
Illiterate young woman while on a
hunting trip years ago and asked
oer to be his wife. He took the pre
caution of sending her away to
ichool before giving her his name,
out when ' she had been educated
md provided with the proper social
polish he changed his mind. The
roung woman sued him for breach-
sf-promise.
"I didn’t mind paying the stiff bill
her lawyer presented to me—except
me item,” he complained. “That
teemed a little too much.”
"What was the item?” a sym
pathetic friend inquired.
To which the broker sadly re
plied: “To loss of time while im-
oroving my mind $3,000.”
MISTAKEN IDENTITY?
A track laborer had been moving
timbers and ties all day until he
was completely worn out.
At the end of the day he ap
proached the foreman and said:
"Boss, you sure you got my name
right?”
"Yes. Here you are—Simpson.
John Simpson. Isn’t that right?”
"Yes, boss, that’s right. I thought
maybe you had me down as Samp-
con.”
Quick Reading
"I want something for a young
lady—a birthday gift,” said the
young man. “What would you sug
gest?”
“Well,” said the clerk, “how about
come book-ends?”
"Splendid!” was the enthusiastic
reply. "Give me half a dozen of
your best ends—that’s usually the
only part she reads!”
Take-Off Soon
Do angels have wings. Mother?
Yes, dear.
Can they fly?
Yes, dear.
Then when is the nurse going to
fly? I heard Daddy call her Angel
yesterday.
Tomorrow, dear.
A Dilemma
She—I don’t know which way to
turn.
He—Why not?
She—Well, I have a large collec
tion of perfumes and for our date
tonight I put “Kiss Me” behind one
ear and “Scram” behind the other.
Mow I’ve forgotten which is which.
Unique
Jimmy—Daddy says there isn’t
mother woman in the world like
you. Momma.
Mother—That’s very flattering of
aim.
Jimmy—And he says it’s a good
thing, too. '
Whizzing By
Alex—On your recent tour through
ihe West, did you enjoy the scenery?
Bill—We missed the best part
of it. Our new car travels so fast
that we had to give most of our
attention to gas stations and police
courts.
SMALL CHANGE
Oliver Wendell Holmes was small
in stature. One day an acquaintance
waggishly remarked, "Well, Dr.
Holmes, I should think you would
feel rather small among these big
fellows.”
The genial but modest man re
plied, “I feel like a dime among a
lot of pennies.”
Cleaning Up
Woman—My daughter is taking a
course in domestic science.
Friend—How is she making out?
Woman—All right, I infer. She
writes that she just made the scrub
team.
Eatable Rocks
Sambo—How come you’se in jail?
t Rastus—For throwin’ rocks out of
my neighbor's yard into mine.
Sambo—That don’t sound right
Rastus—Well, they was Plymoutl
Rocks
CROSS
TOWN
By
Roland Coc
‘When you meet me at the train to show me your report
card it must be a corker, eh?”
NANCY
AUNT FRITZ)
MAY I GO
SKATING?
By Ernie Bushmiller
REG’LAR FELLERS
By Gene Byrne*
VIRGIL By Len Kiel*
TOO DARK
An inmate in a mental institution
Was troubled by a cat in his tummy.
The feline, he told attendants, tore
around inside and clawed him
something fierce. One day the poor
fellow got a real pain—from a bad
appendix. An operation was neces
sary, and the surgeon figured that
maybe tliis was his chance to cure
the patient of his delusion. He sent
out for a cat—a black one—and
when the patient came out of the
ether the doctor held up the animal
and said, “You’re all right now.
Look what we got!”
The patient took one look,
grabbed his tummy and howled:
“You got the wrong cat! The one
that’s been bothering me was a
gr^iy one!”
YEAH, WHY?
"Why do you weep over the sor
rows of people in whom you have
no interest when you go to the the
ater?” asked the man.
“I don’t know,” replied the
woman; “why do you cheer wildly
when a man with whom you are not
acquainted slides safely into second
base?”
A Better Name
Little Willie wanted a dog for
Christmas, and that is what he re
ceived. And what a dog!—a big
bumbling Newfoundland, the soul of
amiability, but with absolutely no
sense of obedience or propriety.
Worn out by the non-cooperative
nature of his pet, whose obedience
to commands had been absolutely
nil, Willie greeted his dad at even
tide with the bitter complaint,
“Daddy, I’m just washed out. I
can’t do a thing with that Confound-
land dog!”
Take It in Trade
It was the first case in the docket
of a small court "down in the hills.”
After hearing the evidence, the
judge said sternly: “The fine is five
dollars for breaking that glass win
dow."
The culprit handed him a ten
dollar bill, the judge looked in his
cash box, shook his head, and fur
ther advised: “I have no change so
I’ll keep the $10. . . how about going
out and breaking another window?”
Scorcher
First Farmer—I see according to
the paper, your boy at M.S.C. is a
very fast runner. It says he "fairly
burned up” the track during the
race yesterday. I suppose you was
there, and saw him do it.
Second Farmer—Well, I was there
all right, but I got there too late
for to see the race. However, I did
see the track, and there was nothin’
but cinders.
, All in the Mind \
The landlady, thinking there was
too much cover on a roomer’s bed,
removed a blanket and folded it
carefully on the foot of the made-up
bed.
Next morning the roomer told her:
"Thanks a lot for the extra cover.
I was really cold the night before,
but with that extra blanket I was
quite comfortable last night"
STICK IN SLOTS
“I understand that in certair
countries they use fish for money.”
“Gee, they must have a messy
time playing slot machines.”
In High Places
A young, stylish woman was ex
tremely vain of the honors conferred
upon two distant male relatives. She
talked on the subject to all and sun
dry.
“I have two relatives in the House
of Lords. Have you any?"
“No,” replied one of her acquaint
ances, “but I have three maiden
aunts in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Too Big a Load
“My husband left me on March
15. How do you account for that?”
“He probably figured he couldn’t
support all those government em
ployees and a wife on one salary.”
Easy to Count
Minister—Yes, my boy, even the
hairs on our heads are numbered.
Small Boy—Dad’s ain’t; he’s bald-
headed.
Wasting His Time
Teacher—Now, Robert, what are
you doing—learning something?
Robert—No, sir; I’m listening to
you.
Round and Round
Jobyna—Last night Jim tried >to
put his arm around me three times.
Tatiana—Some arm, I say)
SEWING CIRCLE PAHERNS
-f-^iece j^or 'L^ouncj
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1614
6-14 yrt.
With Wing Sleeves
A N ADORABLE two-piece dress
for the six-to-fourteen miss.
Brief wing sleeves are cool—the
tiny peplum flares ever so gent
ly. Nice for school, too, in the
puffed sleeve version with pert
Peter Pan collar.
• • •
Pattern No. 1614 comes in sizes 6. 8,
10, 12 and 14 years. Size 8, Zli yards ol
35-inch.
Charm Unlimited
T INES to flatter a young figure
' highlight this super date frock.
The side-swept closing is smart,
and note the soft gathers topped
with bright buttons on the right
hip. It’s charm unlimited—de
signed to win you compliments at
each wearing.
• * •
Pattern No. 8142 is lor sizes 11, 12. 13,
14. 16 and 18. Size 12, 314 yards of 39-inch.
The Sommer Issoe of FASHION will de
light you with its wealth of sewlnr infor
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Pattern No Size
JOUSEHOLD
UMTS
A defective drainboard at the
sink can be repaired by sawing a
narrow channel in the front face of
the board and inserting a thin
strip of sheet copper or lead in the
groove. Then bend it over the
sink. Use brass screws. They do
not rust.
Cane seats can be tightened by
scrubbing with a weak solution of
soda and water and allowing them
to dry. The solution must not be
permitted to come in contact with
wood surfaces.
A new sashcord should be well
stretched before it is installed.
Corduroy is a graceful fabric for
windows, furniture coverings and
bedspreads, we mean the light
weight type, of course. It has both
pattern and plainness and takes to
wear and cleaning easily. The
narrow-waled kind looks best for
interior work. Colors are general
ly soft.
—•—
When pressing net or chiffon
place it between tissue paper.
—•—
A discarded purse makes a dandy
first-aid kit for the car. Put in
the purse the few medical supplies
that will suffice in emergencies
and keep it in a convenient place.
This will keep you prepared for
when an emergency arises.
—•—
To get a more powerful twist
from your screwdriver, place the
claw of the .hammer over the
blade. Then use the hammer han
dle to effect leverage.
—•—
A vegetable brush really works
better than a dish-cloth for wash
ing dishes. It removes sticky spots
and is easier to keep clean and
sweet.
Draperies of plain or small pat
terned fabrics look best against a
figured wall. On the other hand,
figured fabrics go best with a plain
wall.
—•—
Should you make an error when
writing with ink, dip a match stick
into a bleach solution and rub over
the spot. ’Tis erased in a jiffy.
Name
Address.
MECCA'S FAVORITE /
THERES OAfLV ONE KELLOGGS
CORN FLAKES — GET THE
ORIGINAL IN THE WHITE,
RED, AN0 GREEN PACKAGE.
REGULATOR FAMILY SIZE.
LOOSE Pt^TES?
To bold your loose uppers and low
ers comfortably secure all day—and
every day. try dentist's amazing dis
covery called STAZE. Not a ■•messy"
powder! STAZE It pleasant-to-use
? aste. Get 35c tube st druggist
odayi Accept no substitute!
9 I MiMi B Your Money Back I
galsa
. °/
Mqrr
CENTURY OLD
HOME REMEDY M
■■■ Cat ^
• CUTS • SORENESS
BURNS • CHAPPING
STRAINS • CHAPINO
A famous antiseptic liniment and dressing!
Covers cuts, burns, blisters, bites and itches
with a protective coating. Eases the spasm and
congestion of overworked or strained muscles
and ligaments. Proved as a household remedy
for 100 years. At your druggist: trial sue 35c;
household size 65c; economy siie >1.25.
G. C. HANFORD MFG. CO.
SYRACUSE N Y.
to. 0** ' T .
IHE PUBLIC nature of advertising bene
fits everyone it touches. It benefits the
public by describing exacdy the products that are offered. It
benefits employees, because the advertiser must be more fair
and just than the employer who has no obligation to the public.
These benefits of advertising are quite apart from the obvious
benefits which advertising confers—the lower prices, the higher
quality, the better service that go with advertised goods and firms.